Original subtitles

Go Get It, Dwayne.

Good Boy.

Bring It Back.

Go Get It, Dwayne.

Bring It Back.

Good Boy.

What Is She Doing?

You Know How Much She Wants A Dog.

So You Bought Her An Imaginary One?

To Compensate For Not Being Able To Have One

She's Created An Invisible One.

It's A Perfectly Normal Step

In A Child's Development.

Hey...

What A Nice Little Doggie There.

He's Over There.

Oh, Okay.

I'll Just Go On Over There.

Hey, What Do You Say There?

How's Everything Going?

All Right.

Nice Little Dog.

What's The Dog's Name?

Dwayne. It's A Saint Bernard.

Oh, A Saint Bernard.

Okay.

That's Not His Head.

Well, Dwayne, Here.

Oh, You Like That, Huh?

All Right, Get Down.

Now I Want You To Get The Stick.

Come On, Come On.

See? See? See?

Hey!

Aah-Ha-Ha!

All Right, Dwayne!

All Right, Get It.

Okay.

You Must Be Hitting The Ball Hard.

That's Me.

That's Me.

Oh, You In There.

You Got It, Slide.

Get Out The Way.

You, Big.

Yo, Slide, Watch The Ball, Man

Not Your Woman.

You Watch The Ball.

You Keep Missing It.

We Got Them Fighting Now.

I'll Be Right Back.

Bring Your Game With You.

If She Lets Him.

Boy, She Got My Man On A Short Leash.

Oh, Lance?

Oh, I'll Be Right Back.

On My Way, Charmaine.

Don't Come Too Close.

I Don't Want Your Perspiration

On My New Sweatshirt.

What, You Have A New Sweat Ensemble?

Oh, Don't Be Gauche, Lance.

We Going Out Tonight?

Yeah, But I Got To Be Back By 10:00.

Huxtable Rules Are Ruining Our Relationship.

Rules Is For Fools, Laws Is For Flaws

Side-Lined By The Guidelines.

What Are You Talking About?

I'm Just Quoting Somebody Great.

Who?

Winston Churchill.

Churchill Said, "Laws Is For Flaws"?

Yeah! He Knew What Was Going Down.

Oh, Man, I Got To Go.

Come On, Smooch, Watch Me Play.

I Can't-- It's My Turn To Set The Table.

Set The Table? For What?

So They Can Eat Like Cultured People.

Don't You Know Anything?

I Know You Can Eat Without Setting The Table.

Are You Going To Hang With The Women Or Play With Men?

He Hasn't Been Dismissed Yet.

I'll Catch Up With You Later, Smooch.

I Got Something For You, Too, Baby.

Oh, Lance, That Would Not Be Funny.

You Know You Love It.

Slide: Y'all Take It Easy.

Slide, Pay Attention.

He's Got A Lot On His Mind.

Just Because His Girl's Living With Rich People

Don't Mean He Messes Up My Game.

Don't Lose Her To The Rich.

She's Not Like That.

Don't They Have A Son At N.Y.U.?

That's Why She's Always Rushing Off.

She Had To Go Home To Set The Table.

Right, Set The Table.

She's Living In Their House, She Has To Go By Their Rules.

You Ain't A Man If You Can't Handle Your Woman

In Every Way.

Want To Be Specific?

Pam's A Fine Woman.

If She Were Mine, I Know What I'd Be Doing

And What She'd Be Doing.

Too Bad You All Wouldn't Be Doing It Together

You Know?

Aha!

This Is What I Like To See--

Women In The Kitchen.

Yes, Indeed.

Roasting Chickens

Baking Bread, Tending The Hearth.

All Right, Women.

And This Is What We Like To See--

A Man Coming Home From The Fields

Smelling Like His Mule.

Hey, What's For Dinner?

He's Baa-Ack. He's Baa-Ack.

Get Away From That Chicken, Please.

Thank You.

How Come You're Always Eating Our Food?

Because I'm The Only One Here

Who Really Appreciates Mom's Cooking.

He Appreciates It Because It's Free.

What You Got In The Pot?

That Is Water For The...

Mashed Potatoes.

Everybody Clear Out.

You, Get Over Here.

And, You, Mule Man, Wash Your Hands.

Theo

You'll Ruin Your Dinner.

It's Just To Tide Me Over.

You Guys Are A Trip.

That Table Looks Very Good, Pam.

I Like To Set The Table.

It's Cool Eating Together.

Is That Pecan Pie?

Yes. Stay Away, And You Too.

What You Doing With The Knife?

This Is Not For You.

Pam Made It

For The Rest Of Us.

We Didn't Always Eat Together.

I'd Be At School When Mom Was Returning From Work

But On Special Occasions, We Had Candlelight Breakfast

On Wedgewood China.

Wedgewood China?

Isn't That Imported?

Yes, From The Flea Market

In Brooklyn.

We Got Two That Didn't Match

But Who Cares.

Susan Always Had

A Lot Of Style.

Have You Talked To Her?

I Called. She Sends Her Love.

You Miss Her?

Yeah, But I Like It Here Too.

Except For All Those Rules, Right?

No. Rules Don't Bother Me.

Pinocchio.

I Like The Rules

( Imitating Cliff: ) "'Cause, You See, Rules

"Give You Structure, Pam, See?

That's What Teenagers Today Need Is Structure."

"Structure And Goals.

That's What We Need."

"Structure And Goals, Yeah."

"Don't Forget Your Priorities.

You Got To Have Your Priorities."

Of Which The Three Of You Have None

And That's Why Us Old People Can Have Pecan Pie.

Excuse Me.

Bring That Pie Back Here.

Thank...

Oh, You..!

Oh, Isn't That Hilarious, Dwayne?

Dwayne Just Loves Fat Albert.

( Doorbell Rings )

No Saint Bernards On The Sofa.

Hello, Dr. Huxtable.

How Are You, Arthur?

Go Get Pam.

Okay.

( Imitating Fat Albert: ) Hey, Hey, Hey!

See You Later.

It's Okay, Dwayne.

It's Just A Rerun.

Come On.

Who's She Talking To?

Dwayne-- That's Her Dog.

It's Invisible.

Oh.

It's All Right, Though.

They're Cheaper And Cleaner.

So How You Been?

Fine, Sir.

I'm Taking Pam For A Walk.

I'm Out Of Here, Dad.

Hey, Slide, What's Up?

Hey, Theo.

What's In The Bag?

This? The Rest Of Pam's Pecan Pie.

Yeah?

Mom Forced Me To.

Uh-Huh.

I Tell You What.

I'll Leave A Slice For You In The Mailbox.

My Brother.

Hey, Slide.

You Leaving, Theo?

Yeah, But I Left A Collection Of Short Stories.

Read The One By Toni Morrison.

I Liked The One

By Jamaica Kincaid, But I Didn't Understand It All.

I'll Break It Down When I Come Back.

See You Later.

Ahem!

Mailbox.

Special Delivery.

My Brother.

You Want To Go Outside And Talk?

That's A Good Idea.

Excuse Me, Pam.

Could You Take Dwayne For His Walk?

I Have A Cold.

Mm-Hmm, Sure.

And Don't Go Chasing Any Cats.

Cliff: Uh, Pam?

It's A Saint Bernard.

Oh.

You Got Some Sugar For Me?

Yeah.

Mmm, Whoa, Slide.

What "Whoa"?

I See No Horses.

You Want A Little More Than Sugar.

What You Think?

We're Coming Up

On Our Three-Month Anniversary.

Counting Five Times We Broke Up

The Times I Was Grounded

And When I Wouldn't See You 'Cause You Got On My Nerves

We Lucky We Been Together Two Weeks.

Our Relationship Has Weathered Hard Times.

It's Time We Took It

To Another Level.

What Do You Think?

About What?

We're The Only Ones That Aren't.

Skeeter And Ramona

Julio And Anita, Lance And Charmaine.

Lance And Charmaine?!

Oh, No, I Don't Believe That.

Charmaine?

You Can See How Happy She Is.

Charmaine Would Have Told Me About It.

She Tells You About Everything?

But Lance Would Tell You?

Let's Just Put It This Way-- I Know.

It's Time, Smooch.

That's A Big Step, Slide.

I'll Be Taking It With You.

I Know You Will.

We Both Know How We Feel About Each Other.

Now It's Time We Did Something About It.

What's That, Dwayne?

You Want To Go Back Inside?

Come On, I'm Serious.

I Don't Know.

This Is Moving Too Fast, Slide.

Just Think About It.

That's All I'm Asking.

Girlfriend, We Need To Talk.

I Can See From Your Frown.

I Thought We Were Best Friends.

Since When Are We "Were"?

You Didn't Tell Me.

Tell You What?

About You And Lance.

What About Me And Lance?

You Know.

I Know I Do Not Know

What You Are Saying.

I'm Talking About You And Lance Being Intimate.

Intimate?!

Did Lance Say We Were Intimate?

No. Slide Did.

Lance And I Are Close, But We Are Not That Close

And If He Said That, We Going To Be Unclose.

What I Have May Not Be Precious To The World

But It Is Precious To Me.

What I Got Ain't No Knickknack.

Well, Somebody's Speaking Out Of Turn.

No, Somebody's Lying, And I'm The Lie Detector.

Come On.

All Right, This Is It.

Time To Send These Chumps Back To Chump Towers.

That's You, Uh-Uh.

Lance, I Want To Talk To You.

But We're Playing A Game Here, Charmaine.

Smooch, Step Off.

You Want To Hear This.

You Are Ruining My Game.

You Are Ruining My Reputation.

Do You Mind?

Yeah, I Mind.

You Guys Better Step Off, Or I'm Going To Clock Somebody.

You Too, Big Boy.

Now I Believe

That You Have Been Spreading False Information

About The Nature Of Our Relationship.

What?

Slide Said You Two Were Intimate.

Yeah.

See?

Well, What I Said, Baby...

Was That We Are Intimate Mentally

And Psychologically.

I Didn't Say Physically, Did I?

That's What Charmaine Gave You

For Your Birthday.

All I Gave This Man

Was A Gift Certificate To The Sizzler.

What I Said Was...

That We Had A Very Special Night.

Get Your Mind On A Higher Plane.

See, Intimate Means That Our Minds Have Met

Our Souls Have Touched

And Our Spirits Have Sat Together.

Oh, Lance, That Was Deep.

Don't You Think That Was Deep, Pam?

You The One Swimming In It.

What Do You Think?

Come On, Baby, Let's Get Intimate.

Buy You A Jelly Doughnut.

You See Him Squirm Out Of That?

That Don't Change The Way I Feel.

Slide, Can't We Talk About Something Else?

About What?

Them Books You Been Getting From College Man, Theo?

He Wants Me To Read More.

You Should Read More Too.

I Read Plenty.

I Picked The Right Bus To Get Here.

Hi, Pam.

Hello, Slide.

Hello, Shaniqua.

How You Doing?

Fine.

Bye, Slide.

Good-Bye, Shaniqua.

"Bye, Slide."

Looking At You

Like She Wants You On Her Plate

And You Looking Like A Happy Meal.

All I Said Was Hello.

Your Mouth Said Hello, But Your Eyes Said Hello.

I Look At People I'm Talking To.

You Guys Are All Alike.

You Just Don't Care.

Just Running Around With Your Hormones On The Loose.

What Are We Supposed To Do?

I'm In The Prime Of My Life.

I Don't Know About You, But I'm Peaking.

So Let's Get Busy.

Are You Ready, Teapot?

Yes.

You Ready To Pour?

I Think So.

Thank You Very Much.

S'all Right.

Have You Seen Dwayne?

Not If You Haven't.

I've Been Looking Everywhere.

He's Gone.

Maybe He Went For A Walk.

No. Maybe He's Hiding.

What Will Make Him Come Back?

A Bowl Of Ice Cream.

For Him?

No, For Me.

He Likes To Watch Me Eat Ice Cream.

I See.

So If I Get You Some Ice Cream

Then Dwayne Will Come Out To Watch You Eat It.

Make Sure It's Vanilla.

All Right.

Do You Mind

If I Have A Little Also?

Not Too Much.

Okay.

Wait, I Think I Hear Dwayne.

I'll Go Get Him.

Okay. I'll Dish It Out.

You Bring Dwayne Back.

♪ Little Ice Cream ♪

♪ Little Ice Cream ♪

♪ For Today. ♪

What Are You Doing?

This Is Not What You Think

So Don't Even Start With Me.

This Ice Cream Is For Dwayne.

For Dwayne?

Well, Not Really For Dwayne.

Olivia Asked For This Ice Cream Because That's The Only Way

That Dwayne Will Come Back In The House

'Cause He Loves To Watch Her Eat Ice Cream.

Oh, Cliff, That Is Pathetic.

Be As Pathetic As You Think...

Come On In, Dwayne.

Right.

Now You'll Have To Apologize, So There.

How Much Did You Want, Dr. Huxtable?

The Girl, She Sees And...

You'll Believe Somebody That Sees Invisible Dogs?

The Ice Cream Is Not For Me.

It's For My Parrot, Howard.

See Him?

No, Dear, I Don't See Your Parrot Howard

But I Would Like To See You In The Living Room, Please.

I'll Be There.

You Don't Frighten Me.

I'll Meet You In The Living Room.

Come On, Why Not The Basement?

Don't Make No Difference To Me.

Howard The Parrot.

Howard And I.

You Sit Down Here.

What Are You Being So Rough About?

Give Howard A Little Kiss.

Go Ahead, Give Him A Kiss.

( Smacking )

Whoa, Hey!

What Are You Doing Eavesdropping?

Can I Ask You Two A Question?

Sure.

How Did You First Know You Were In Love?

Well, First Of All

Cousin Clair Told Me I Was In Love With Her.

No, No, I'm Serious.

I'm Serious

'Cause I Think That I Might Be In Love.

Oh, I Take It With Slide.

You Take It Right.

What Makes You Think

That You Might Be In Love With Slide?

Well, I Get Excited When I Know I'm Going To See Him

And Sometimes He'll Say Something

And We'll Both Laugh.

It's Not Funny, But We'll Laugh.

Even When He Gets On My Nerves, I Still Miss Him.

And We Can Talk On The Phone Forever About Nothing.

Yeah, Yeah.

We Have Children That Do That.

That Has Nothing To Do With Love.

But, No, I Know What She Means, Because That Is How Love Starts

But It's More Than That.

It's Loving Somebody's Weaknesses

As Well As Their Strengths.

When Infatuation

Wears Off

That's When Real Love Begins, And That Takes Time To Develop.

Me And Slide Been Going Together On And Off For Three Months.

I Know That Seems Like A Long Time To You Right Now

But, Believe Me, It's Not.

Cliff, Is There Anything Of Substance

That You Would Add?

Well, Yes, I Think

That Love Takes Time To Develop.

I Just Said That.

What I Think Is That, For Your Situation...

I Mean, You Are Just Learning About This.

It's Sort Of Like A Video Game.

You Start Out The Video Game, And You Don't Know How To Play

So You Come Out, Wack-A Wack-A Wack-A Wack

And Then The Thing Eats You Up, Boo-Woo-Woo-Woo-Woo-Woo

And You Have To Start Over.

Then The More You Get Involved, The More You Know What To Do

And You Can Go Wack-A Wack-A Wack-A Wack

And That's What We Do Now--

We Go Wack-A Wack-A Wack

And It Never Goes Boo-Woo-Woo-Woo-Woo

See, 'Cause We Know...

Well, It Worked With Theo.

It Worked With Theo.

I Think I Get The Idea.

( Dish Breaking )

Olivia: Dwayne Did It.

Yeah, Right.

Cliff: Dwayne Did It.

Dwayne Did It.

Well, Is That All You Wanted To Talk About?

Look, Look, Come Here.

Do You See Your Chair Back Here?

This Is Your Own Special Chair.

I Saw You Sitting In It

And This Is Your Special Place.

You Just Sit Down.

Is There Something You Want To Talk About?

Say It, Come On.

All Right.

Well, If You Had A Patient, Can That Patient Be Your Cousin?

Of Course.

Would You Treat That Patient

Like A Cousin Or A Patient?

Like A Patient.

I Was Hoping You'd Say That.

Is Anything Wrong?

No, No.

Oh.

Would You Take Me On As A Patient?

Absolutely.

You Got It.

My Patient.

Could You Give Me A Prescription

For Birth Control Pills?