Original subtitles

Make Sure You Zoom In On Mom's Face, Okay?

Now We're Going To Come Around Here.

Come On. You Got It?

Come On, Down.

What Are You Guys Doing?

A Social Studies Project.

We Have To Videotape

A Day On The Job With A Parent.

What Do You Want Me To Say?

Actually, Dad, We Figured

That A Lawyer Would Be More Interesting

Than A Doctor.

Criminals Are More Interesting Than Babies.

The Best Video Will Be Shown In The School Assembly.

The Winner Gets A Certificate

Anda Trophy.

Have You Asked Your Mother?

She Said Yes.

Okay.

I Want To Be On Tv.

No, Not Now, Olivia.

How About If I Sing?

Olivia, Come On.

No, No, No, No, Olivia.

Dad Wants You In The Kitchen.

Kenny: All Right...

(Mumbling:) They Don't Want Me In Their Movie.

What's The Matter?

Rudy And Kenny Won't Let Me Be In Their Video.

Join The Club.

They Won't Let Me In Either.

But I Can Sing.

Yes.

And I Was All Prepared To Tell Jokes And Be Funny.

I Can Tell Jokes Better Than You.

I Beg Your Pardon?

Your Jokes Are For Old People.

My Jokes Are For Little Kids.

When You Tell A Joke, Nobody Laughs, Except...

You.

Thank You.

(Singing Off-Key:) ♪ Hello, Dolly ♪

♪ Well, Hello, Dolly ♪

♪ It's So Nice To Have You Back Where You Belong. ♪

That's Why They Won't Let You On.

Because You Can't Hit Those Notes Properly.

If You Sing In Another Key...

Get A Lower Key.

Go On Back.

Show You What I Mean.

(Sings Intro)

(Singing Lower:) ♪ Hello, Dolly ♪

♪ Well, Hello, Dolly ♪

♪ It's So Nice To Have You Back Where You Belong. ♪

Yeah, See, You're Straining.

That Key Is Too High For You.

Lower.

Lower.

Lower?

Lower.

Lower.

There You Go.

(Singing Lower:) ♪ Hello, Dolly ♪

♪ Well, Hello, Dolly ♪

♪ It's So Nice To Have You Back Where You Belong. ♪

Lower.

Lower.

Lower.

Lower.

Hit It.

(Low And Growling:)♪ You're Looking Good, Dolly ♪

♪ I Can Tell, Dolly ♪

♪ You're Still Growing... ♪

In Seconds

Attorney Huxtable Will Race Down These Stairs

To Defend Her Clients.

Good Morning.

(Chuckling)

Cut, Cut, Cut.

Mom, Do You Think You Could Do That Differently?

Do What?

Race Down The Stairs

Grab Your Briefcase, And Shoot Out The Door

Like Your Skirt's On Fire.

Better Yet

We'll Throw You Your Briefcase.

Why Would I Do That?

We're Trying To Make It Exciting.

Yeah, Like On Tv.

Every Time There's A Video To Make

I Have To Be Batgirl.

Theo Wanted Me To Hang From A Chandelier.

Vanessa Wanted Me To Somersault Through The Kitchen

And End Up In A Firing Pose.

I Don't Think So, Honey.

I'm Not Batgirl, I'm Not Mrs. Rambo.

I Am Mrs. Clair Huxtable, Attorney At Law.

Got It?

Yes. Yes.

Shall We Go?

Yes. Yes.

Well, I Guess Asking Her

To Roll Over The Hood Of The Car

Is Out.

This Office Is Perfect.

Looks Very Official.

This Is Where All The Action Happens.

My Mom Is A Hot Lawyer.

All Right, Let's See Some Criminals.

Yeah.

Have A Seat, Mr. Parker.

Mrs. Huxtable Will Be Right With You.

Thank You.

Hi. Hi.

George, I Told You

About My Daughter, Rudy, And Her Friend, Kenny?

Oh, Sure.

Have A Seat.

Go Ahead, Children.

Mrs. Huxtable's First Client Of The Day--

Mr. George Parker.

He May Even Be A Criminal.

There It Is.

Oh, Good.

Well?

I Feel Great.

Thanks.

Thank You.

Have A Nice Day.

That Was It?

What You Saw Was The End Of A Very Complicated Case.

His Patent Was Violated.

Fortunately, We Didn't Have To Go To Court.

Don't You Want To Go To Court?

No Offense

But You'll Never Be As Big As Perry Mason.

Let's Hope Not.

Don't Worry.

We Won't Let Anyone Gobble You Up.

All Right.

Bye.

That Was A Client

Trying To Avoid A Hostile Takeover.

Is That Like A Kidnapping?

In A Way, Yeah.

Roll Tape.

Wait A Minute.

It Takes Place On Paper.

To Take Over A Company

One Buys As Much Stock As Possible

To Control The Organization.

Do They Use Guns?

Cut.

Kenny, Law Can Be Exciting Without Guns.

I Know, But They Help.

I Think I Have Just The Thing That Will Interest You.

It's Called "Trademark Infringement."

Start Your Camera

And I Will Explain Trademark Infringement.

In Horndecker V. Horndecker

Two Brothers Own A Popcorn Company.

They Have A Disagreement And Decide...

...Even Though Paul Is Chairman Of The Board

Harry Refined The Popcorn Recipe

And Therefore Is Entitled To Use The Name.

What A World, Huh?

Oh, Yeah.

(Knocking)

Come In.

Excuse Me.

Am I Interrupting?

No, Steve.

Rudy And Kenny Are Making A Video

For A Class Project, And I'm The Subject.

Rudy, You Remember Mr. Parnell

Our Senior Partner.

Hello.

I'll Bet You Kids Don't Realize

How Funny Law Can Be.

Roll Them.

This Is About The Martindale Stock Merger.

I Heard You Won That Hands Down.

The Best Part

Was The Defense Counsel's Personal Appeal To The Judge.

And I Quote:

"Your Honor, You Restrained Us From Issuing Stock

"You've Frozen Our Assets

"You've Stripped Us Bare.

All We Have Left Is Our Torts."

I'm Going To File Papers.

Would You Like To Film That?

No, Thank You.

Okay.

I'll Be Right Back.

(Door Opens)

(Door Closes)

Rudy, We're In Trouble.

We Can Kiss That Trophy Good-Bye.

The Trophy Died With The Short-Tort Joke.

Joanne, I Can't Believe This.

Oh, I'm Telling You.

He Plows Into Me

And Takes Off At 90 Miles An Hour.

Naturally, I Went After Him.

You Remember My Daughter Rudy.

This Is Her Friend Kenny.

Kenny, Could Joanne Have This Seat, Please?

Thank You.

I Follow Him For 15 Blocks.

I Finally Catch Up To Him

When He Crashes Into A Fire Hydrant.

Hi.

Water Is Spouting Everywhere.

I Jump Out, Drag Him Out Of The Car.

I Have Whiplash, And He'ssuing Mefor Assault.

That's Outrageous.

That's What I Think.

I Won't Stand For This.

And You Shouldn't.

That's Right.

Okay.

I'll See You Later.

Bye.

Whoa!

Congratulations, Mom.

That's A Great Case.

What Are You Talking About?

Joanne Is My Law Clerk, Not A Client.

But She Needs Your Help.

You Will Defend Her?

That Man Broke Her Neck

And Now He's Suing Her.

You Got To Defend Her.

It's Better Than Popcorn.

I Don't Practice That Kind Of Law.

If She Went To Simmons, He'd Be Happy To Represent Her.

Give Simmons The Popcorn Case.

You Can Take Joanne's Case, And We Can Re-Create The Crime.

What Crime?

The Maniac

Bashes Her With His Car

She Chases Him And Beats Him Up.

You Are Not Going To Re-Create Any Crime.

We've Stayed All Morning

And Have Nothing.

You Have A Lot Of Interesting Things.

You Have Trademark Infringement, Hostile Takeover

You Have Stock Mergers.

None Of That Has Action In It.

Everything Doesn't Have To Have Action

And I Won't Fake Anything

To Provide A Phony Sense Of Drama

For Your Video.

Would You Like To Hear About

One Of My Many Action-Packed Tax Evasion Cases?

Fine, Mom.

I'll Get My Files, And I'll Be Right Back.

(Door Opens)

(Door Closes)

We're Dead.

Yeah.

♪ Hello, Dolly ♪

♪ Hello, Dolly ♪

♪ Za Da Da Bo Pa Doo... ♪

Mm, Chocolate.

Well, How Did The Taping Go?

Oh, Really?

Hi, Dad.

How Are You Doing?

How Did The Videotaping Go?

Did You Put It All Together?

What's To Put Together?

Ooh...

Somebody Is Angry With You.

Mm-Mm-Mm.

I Try Not To Get The Children Angry With Me, Boy.

I Don't Care If Rudy Is Angry With Me.

I Don't Like It When The Children Get Angry With Me.

Oh, They Just Give You Looks.

Makes You Kind Of Frightened.

Makes You Feel Like You Don't Want To Sleep At Night.

An 11-Year-Old Angry With You

Come In Your Room, Hit You With An Apple Or Something.

Well, I Guess I'll Go In And Talk To Her.

But I'm Not Afraid Of Her.

I Just Don't Want To Upset Her.

Dad, We're In Trouble.

Not We, I'm Not In Trouble.

Your Mother Loves Me.

Her Cases Are Boring.

When A Fun One Came In With A Car Chase, A Broken Neck

And Good Stuff, She Gave It Away.

We Turn This In Soon

And We Don't Have Anything.

Well, I'm Sorry That You Happen To Have Two Boring Parents.

(Phone Rings)

Hello?

Yes, Mr. Arroyo, How Far Apart Are They?

Okay, You Guys Head For The Hospital.

This Is It.

Yeah, I'll Meet You There.

I'm On My Way.

I Have To Go Over To The Boring Hospital

And Deliver A Boring Baby.

Can We Come?

Yeah, I'd Love To Film

A Baby Being Born.

No, No, You Can't Go.

You Can't Go In The Delivery Room.

Can We Come Anyway?

Look, If You're Thinking About Taping Something

You Shoot The Front Of The Building

And The Waiting Room, And That's It.

We'll Take It.

Okay, But All You'll Be Able To Tape

Is Outside Of The Hospital And The Waiting Room.

I'll Get The Car And Meet You Around Front.

Why Do You Want To Sit In The Boring Waiting Room?

We Won't Get Anything.

Hospitals Are Full Of Action.

Once Inside, We'll Sneak To The Emergency Room.

You Know What Happens There.

But They're Not My Dad's Patients.

Your Dad's A Doctor, He Fixes Everything.

We'll Just Say They're His Patients.

Think Of What We Can Get.

"Code Blue. Shock Him Again. We're Losing Him."

"Doctor, Stat.

"Where's That I.V.?

Where's The Liver?"

"Rush That Brain Down To Emergency Immediately."

Come On, Rudy, Let's Get That Trophy.

"He's Going...

He's Going, He's Gone!"

"He's Back.

Wait A Minute, Give Him His Leg."

So We'll Be In Labor Room Four.

Okay, Thank You.

This Is My Father

Dr. Huxtable. He's About To Deliver A Baby.

How Far Apart Are They Now?

Three Minutes Apart.

How Are You, Julia?

Fine. I'll Be Glad When This Is Over.

All Right, Honey.

Go Ahead, Go Ahead.

You Two, In Here.

Now This Is Where The Two Of You Will Wait.

You Will Wait Right Here.

You Understand?

You Will Wait...

Both: Right Here.

That's Right.

Got It.

Absolutely.

(Whispering:) Are You Ready?

Yeah, But The Guard Is Right There.

Soon As He Finishes, We'll Split Up And Scout The Place.

Meet Back Here In 15 Minutes And Compare Injuries.

There He Goes.

Let's Go.

We Were Trying To Find The Soda Machine.

My Dad Said We Could Get A Soda.

What A Coincidence.

It's Right Here.

Oh, Yeah.

Now Stay Put.

We're Put.

We're Put.

Mr. Arroyo, How's Your Wife?

She's Due Any Minute.

I Have To Sign These Forms.

Mr. Arroyo, How Would You Like To Tape The Birth Of Your Baby?

I Would, But I Don't Have A Camera.

You Can Borrow Ours.

You Would Do This For Me?

That's So Wonderful.

Well, Maybe You Could Do Us

A Favor Too.

What?

My Father Doesn't Have A Videotape

Of One Of His Births.

It Would Be A Nice Surprise.

You're Such Thoughtful Children.

I'll Be Glad To Help.

I'll Give You A Copy.

Go, Your Baby Is Going To Be Born Any Minute Now.

It's A Girl! It's A Girl!

I Can't Tell You How Beautiful It Was.

We'll Get Copies Of The Tape To You.

No, I Will Make A Copy Of The Tape For Your Father.

Copy Of The...

We Don't Want A Copy Of The Tape.

Where Did You Get That Idea?

We Don't Want It.

You Said You Wanted It As A Surprise For Dr. Huxtable.

I Thought That Camera Looked Familiar.

Oh, I Ruined The Surprise.

Why Don't You Give Me That Tape

Since It's Not A Surprise.

I'll Bring You A Copy This Evening.

That's Fine.

What's The Matter With You Two?

Why Are You Willing To Take Credit

For Something You Haven't Done?

You're The Only One Who Would Know.

That's Not True.

You Know.

Well, We Tried, Kenny.

And We Lost.

Well, I Better Go Home.

Yeah.

(Doorbell Rings)

Hello.

Here Is Your Father's Copy Of The Video.

It's Beautiful.

He Is A Very Fine Doctor.

That's What Everyone Says.

No, You Don't Understand.

Your Father Is A Very Special Person.

He Just Doesn't Deliver Babies.

His Job Also Is To Bring Hope

Into The World.

What A Wonderful Profession.

Mr. Arroyo, Would You Say That One More Time?

What?

Just Say What You Just Said.

Do This?

Yeah.

I'm Not Sure What You Want Me To Say

But Dr. Huxtable Has The Best Job There Is--

To Bring Hope Into The World.

You Have Just Seen Some Nice Things

People Have To Say About My Father.

The Delivery Of The Baby

Was Shot By Mr. Arroyo

Because We Weren't Allowed In The Delivery Room.

All Right.

Clair: Very Nice, You Two.

We're Proud Of Both Of You.

Yeah, You Did It With Your Minds.

You Stayed Within The Rules.

And Look At That, You Won A Trophy.

You Should Have Heard My Acceptance Speech.

No, You Shouldn't Have.

Dad, He Went On And On.

People Started Throwing Their Lunches At Him.

The Gym Teacher Hauled Him Off The Stage.

I Thanked The Little People.

Kenny, You Are The Little People.

Mr. Arroyo Did A Nice Job Too.

Yes, I Want To Thank You For The Close-Ups Of The Babies.

No Close-Ups Of Me, Just Close-Ups Of The Babies.

They Just Laid There And Said, "Wah, Wah, Wah."

More Close-Ups Of Your Father Next Time You Steal Pictures.

Let Me See.

Very Nice.

Very Nice Indeed.