Original subtitles

Denise: Hey.

♪ Ta-Dah ♪

One Frozen Blueberry Yogurt Pie.

It Looks Good.

Well, It Better.

We Want Cousin Pam To Feel At Home.

Does She Need That Spoon To Feel At Home?

No, You May Have It.

Thank You.

Rudy: I Don't See Why

We Have To Do Anything Special For Pam.

She's Already Getting The Best Room In The House.

Rudy.

The Deal Was Supposed To Be

When Vanessa Went To College, I Was Going To Get My Own Room.

But Before I Can Blink, Vanessa's Out, Pam's In

And I'm Nowhere.

That Is So Selfish.

Pam's Grandmother Is Sick.

Her Mom's Going To California

To Take Care Of Her.

We Have To Make Her Feel At Home.

I'll Do My Part.

But I Hope Pam Doesn't Boss Me Around Too Much.

And Why Would She Do That?

That's What Old People Do.

It's Their Job.

Olivia, Pam Is Only 17.

Whoa!

She's Older Than I Thought.

Come On, You Guys.

It's Up To Us To Make Her Feel At Home.

So Let's Get Generous.

Yeah, Rudy, Lighten Up.

Well, Here We Are.

Oh, Man...

Oh, This Is Nice.

This Is Real Nice.

Thank You.

Yes, Nice And Large.

But Not Too Large, Just The Right Kind Of Large.

Larger Than Our Apartment, That's For Sure.

Not That Our Apartment's Small, It's Just Not This Large.

I'm Talking Too Much, Huh?

No, You're Fine.

You Could Take Our Apartment

And Put It In This Living Room.

No, I'm Lying, No.

You Could Take Half This Living Room

And Put Our Apartment In It.

You Put The Bathroom There, The Bedroom Right There.

I'm Standing In The Living Room.

Put The Kitchen There--

That's It.

Anyway, My Mom Said To Say Thank You.

I'll Try To Behave And Make Her Proud.

I'm Not Worried About You.

I Know Your Mother.

You Have A Big, Beautiful House.

I Hope I Don't Break Or Scratch Nothing.

Listen, Big Or Small

This Is Your Home And There's A Lot Of Love In It

And We're Honored And Blessed To Have You Here.

Thank You.

I Thought I Heard Someone.

Hi, I'm Denise.

And This Is My Stepdaughter, Olivia.

Are You Going To Boss Me Around?

You Just Made A New Friend.

Come On, Denise.

We're In The Middle Of Making Dinner.

I'm Rudy.

You're Getting An Excellent Room.

Rudy, Don't You Have Chores?

Chores Are My Life.

I'm Going To Go Get Us Some Juice

Why Don't You Sit Down And Make Yourself Comfortable

And When I Come Back

I'll Take You Upstairs And Show You Everything You Need To Know.

Look At This.

Let Me Sit Down.

You Must Be Cousin Pam.

What Are You Doing

Sitting Over There In No-Person's-Land?

Just Sitting.

Don't Want To Be

In Anybody's Way.

You're The First Person To Sit In That Chair

And Act Like You Really Enjoy It.

I Bought That Chair So Long Ago

Nobody Wants To Sit In It, But Now This Is Your Chair.

I Hereby Christen This Chair

Cousin Pam's Chair.

Yes, Indeed.

Enjoy Yourself.

Cousin Pam.

Cousin Cliff.

Well

I Just Want You To Know That You're Welcome Here.

Thank You.

Can You Scrub Floors?

Well, That's What... Isn't That Why They Sent You Here?

Nope.

Then You're Worth Nothing.

I Don't Know Why

They Sent You Here.

I Heard About You.

What Did You Hear About Me?

Come On Over Here.

Everything Here Is Yours.

Please, Please, Make Yourself At Home.

All Right?

Need Anything, Just Call On Me.

Mrs. Huxtable-- She's Got Problems Up Here

And I Try To Just, You Know, Keep Her Intact...

But I'm The One You Want To Come To All The Time.

I'm The Sane One Around Here.

All Right?

You Want A Shot Of Scotch?

I Was Just Checking To See

What Your Drinking Habits Might Be.

Fresh Apple Juice.

Cliff: All Right, Good.

We Can Have A Toast Here.

To Cousin Pam Coming Here.

Are You All Right, Dear?

I'm Fine.

Sometimes She Goes Off Just A Little Bit.

Welcome To The Family.

Welcome To The Family.

Thank You.

Hello, Slide.

Yeah.

Hey, I Miss You Too.

Okay, So Far.

Yeah.

Yeah, They Got Cable.

Hmm?

No, No, Baby.

They Pay For It.

A Party?

Tomorrow?

In The Bronx?

Are We Invited This Time?

I'm Not Going To Meet You On No Subway Platform.

You Come Pick Me Up.

9:00?

Just A Minute.

I Didn't Mean To Butt In Your Conversation

But We Have A 10:00 Curfew.

Whoa, Slide, There's A Little Hitch In The Giddyup Here.

Curfew's At 10:00.

Yeah.

I Got To Check These People Out Before I Break It.

I'm Going To Get Back.

Okay, Bye.

You Think If I Ask Real Polite, They Let Me Go?

To A Party?

In The Bronx?

On A Weekday?

And You Don't Even Know If You're Invited?

What Are You Doing?

Putting My Name On My Food.

Why?

So Everybody Will Know It's Mine.

Why?

So Nobody Will Eat It.

Whoo, I Have A Half A Sandwich Left Over From Lunch.

Should I Put My Name On It?

If You Don't Want Nobody To Eat It.

Excuse Me.

Uh, Uh, Pardon Me.

Miss Wilma Rudoplh?

Where Are You Going With The Marker And The Tape?

I'm Going To Write My Name On My Sandwich.

Why?

I Made That Sandwich

And I Don't Want Anybody To Take It.

Why? Did You Put Money In It?

No, Peanut Butter And Pickles.

You Got A Peanut Butter And Pickle Sandwich

And You Want To Put Your Name On It?

That's The Safest Sandwich In This House.

Pam Puts Her Name On Her Food.

Maybe That's Because Pam Doesn't Understand

That The Food In This House Is For Everyone.

Ooh, I Better Tell Her That.

She Had Some Very Nice Cupcakes.

Just A Minute.

Come, Come, Come, Come Back Here.

She Had Cupcakes?

(Doorbell Rings)

(Doorbell Rings)

Clair: Will Somebody Get That.

Slide, What Are You Doing Here?

I Wanted To See How They Was Treating You.

They Treat Me Okay.

Whoa, This Is Living Large, Smooch.

I Might Get Into The Medical Game Myself.

Don't Act Crazy.

Come Outside.

People Always In Your Business Around Here.

What Did You Come Here For?

I Got A Way To Make It

To The Party And For You To Make Your Curfew.

So What's The Plan?

This Man's Got A Car.

I Got A License.

Bam! Let's Get Busy.

You Want Me To Ask Him For His Car?

I'm A Good Driver.

I Use My Boss's Car All The Time.

Then Borrow Your Boss's Car.

I Did. For You.

Remember That Time?

You And Shineequa Watkins

Was Going To Wear That Same Dress To The School Dance.

I Borrowed The Car To Take You On That Shopping Trip.

I Almost Lost My Job For That. It's Your Turn Now.

You Better Go To Plan "B."

You Got One?

Yeah, Go Without You.

I Want To Go, But I Can't.

You Don't Want To.

You're Losing Heart.

You Don't Have One.

Making Some Big Deal Out Of A Party

In The Bronx.

It's Not Just Some Party.

This Is The Final Final.

I'm Not Going To Miss It.

I'm Out Of Here.

Yeah, Right. So Go.

Who Cares?

(Siren Wailing On Tv)

What's Happening?

Half The Army Just Got Wiped Out

And The President Still Don't Believe

There's An Attack From Outer Space.

When Will He Ever Learn?

Uh-Oh, Here Comes Ninja Blob Again.

Whoa, It's Big.

You'd Be Big If You Ate Battle Creek, Michigan.

He Better Watch Out!

Don't Make Friends With It.

Just Run!

Get Out, Run!

Lose The Girl.

She'll Slow You Down.

Girlfriend, How You Supposed To Run In Them Heels?

(Phone Ringing)

See.

That's Why She'll Trip And Fall.

Moth Will Eat Her Up Like Always.

Hello?

There's No Smoochie Here.

That's For Me.

Hello?

Slide Who?

You Want To Apologize Now?

I Don't Want To Hear It.

No, I Don't Want To...

Yes, Slide.

Me, Too.

Mm-Hmm.

Look, I'll Talk To Him When I Get Ready.

Okay?

Okay, Bye.

Listen To The Girl.

Get Away From There!

Where's Your Dad?

Downstairs In His Office.

(Knocking)

Come In.

Hello, Cousin Cliff.

Come On And Have A Sit-Down.

You Have A Very Nice Office Here, Sir.

Well, Yeah, I Feel It's Comfortable.

I Guess Hard Work Is Its Own Reward.

Mm-Hmm.

Your Family's Lucky To Have Such A Good Provider.

Mm-Hmm.

Bet Your Patients Are Lucky Too.

Mm-Hmm.

I Mean, Look At You.

Working Late At Night

Checking Out People's Insides When They Ain't Even Here.

How Much Do You Need?

I Don't Want Any Money.

Don't Lie To Me.

No, I Just Appreciate What You're Doing For Me.

And..?

And I've Been Thinking About What You Said

About Us All Being Family.

And..?

And To Clarify This Sharing Thing.

Exactly What Does That Include?

You Mentioned The Tv.

Right.

And The Phone.

Right.

And The Food And The Car.

Right... No, Not The Car!

The Car.

No, No, No, No.

No, No, No, No, Not The Car.

Let Me Explain...

I've Got This Important Social Engagement

With Some Of My Homeys...

I Mean, My Friends

And It's Way Up In The Bronx.

To Get There From Here Takes Two Trains And A Bus.

I Figured Since Slide...

I Mean Arthur, My Friend

Has A License

And A Distinguished Driving Record...

Is Any Of This Making You Change Your Mind?

I Really Don't Think So.

Let Me Explain How I Feel About Lending My Car

To My Children's Friends.

I Don't.

Now Is There Anything Else I Can Help You With?

No, Sir.

I See Your Point, Sir.

I Won't Be No Trouble At All.

You Won't Know I'm Around.

Tonight, Come 1:00 Or 2:00 In The Morning

You Don't Know Where I Am, Chill.

I'll Be Safe And Sound Riding The D Train

Trying To Get Back Here.

I Don't Think You'll Have That Problem

Because The Curfew In This House Is 10:00 On...

10:00?

Ooh, That's Early.

You See, Sir

This Party Has Been In The Works For A Long Time.

People Expect Me To Be There.

I'm In Charge Of Refreshments.

I'm Sure You Can Make An Exception This One Time.

Here's A Pad And Pencil.

Take Down Some Rules.

10:00 Weekdays Is Curfew.

Midnight On The Weekends.

Is This Still A Lovely Office?

Want Any Juice?

No, Thanks.

Okay.

(Doorbell Rings)

Hey, Smooch.

Surprise!

Lance, Charmaine, What Are You Doing?

We Felt Bad You Couldn't Make It.

We'll Hang With You Before The Party.

Will You Let Us In.

Okay, For A Minute.

Are Your People Here?

I Told You To Call.

I Told You I Didn't Have A Quarter.

No, They're Out Visiting.

Lance, What Did I Tell You About This Place?

Come In, Robin Leach.

Homegirl Done Hooked Up With The Rich And Famous.

Now This Is Real Tasteful.

You Got A Lot Of French Things Here, Right?

Hey, It's A House.

With Rules Like

If You Don't Touch It, It Won't Break.

Since When You So Hooked On Rules?

Just Because My Mother Worked

Doesn't Mean I Didn't Have Rules.

Is It Okay If We Sit Down, Pam?

We Could Just Stand Here Like We Are.

Okay, Sit Down.

What Is This?

It's A Candy Dish.

Where's The Candy?

They Don't Eat Candy Here.

Then What They Need A Dish For?

They Don't Have To Have Candy.

For People With Money, A Dish Can Stand On Its Own.

You Going To Offer Us Something To Drink?

What You Want?

What You Got?

Water.

You All Don't Have No Cran-Apple Juice?

This Definitely Look Like A House

That Got Some Cran-Apple Juice In It.

No, Lance.

And Please Put That Candy Dish Down.

These Ain't My Things.

No, They're Not.

I'm Used To Fine Things Myself.

I Know How To Act.

We Know How To Act.

These Huxtable People Are Too Intense.

Seems To Me Like They Need More Bran.

Lance, You Too Bad.

So Come To The Party.

Yeah. Stick Some Pillows Under Your Covers.

They'll Never Know.

Oh, Come On.

You'll Get Her In Trouble.

Don't Worry, Pam.

If He So Much As Look At Shineequa Watkins

I Promise You I Will Clock Him.

You Didn't Tell Me

Shineequa Watkins Would Be There.

You Know I Wouldn't Make A Play For Shineequa.

I Know You Won't.

I'll Be There.

Let's Go.

Good Evening

Cousin Clair, Cousin Cliff.

These Are My Friends

Arthur, Lance And Charmaine.

They Were Just Leaving.

Looks Like You Were, Too.

That Party I Was Talking About...

I Was Going To Pay My Respects To Some People

And Come Right Back.

It's 9:00.

You're Going Out To The Bronx And Come Back In An Hour?

How Will You Do That?

The D Train.

It's An Express.

Sure, It Is.

Okay.

The Truth Is, I Was Going To Break Curfew

And Take My Punishment.

Come Here.

Come On.

How Do You Know What That Punishment Is?

Did Rudy Tell You About That Machine In The Basement?

Pam, We Don't Arbitrarily Break Rules In This House

And Punishment Is A Last Resort, Not A Choice.

Excuse Me, Miss Huxtable.

She Didn't Want To Go.

I Talked Her Into It.

You Must Not Be Much Of A Friend.

Yeah. I Care For Her A Lot.

I Don't Think So.

People You Care For, You Look After.

It's Not All On Slide.

I Have A Mind Of My Own.

Then You Better Start Using It.

Guess You Guys Better Go.

But Before We Go, I'd Like To Apologize.

We Didn't Mean...

We Didn't Mean To Get Pam In Trouble.

We Just Get A Little Impetuous.

No Hard Feelings?

Look, Pam, You Cannot Go To The Party

But Your Friends Are Welcome To Stay.

You Guys Want To Stay A Little While?

Okay. Yeah.

Maybe We Could Offer Your Friends Some Refreshments?

She Already Did.

She Offered Us Some Of Your Very Nice Water.

We Can Do Better Than That, Can't We, Pam?

Y'all Hungry?

I Could Be Cajoled Into A Snack

If It's Not Too Much Trouble.

Come On, Cliff.

I Think We Got Some Cran-Apple Juice.

Hello.

Hey, How You Doing?

Sit Down.

Thank You, Cousin Cliff, For Making My Friends Feel Welcome.

This Is Your Home.

I Told You That.

Be Comfortable.

It Might Be Hard Remembering All Those Rules.

I Might Have A Lapse Once In A While.

I Have Five Children.

We've Had To Unlapse Them A Whole Lot Of Times.

We Got That All Cleared Up.

Yeah.

Tea Looks Good.

Yeah, But Tea Is Tea Is Tea.

This Tea Is...

There's Just Something Missing.

I Can't Put My Hand On It.

I Think I Have Just The Thing.

Now I Can Put My Hand On It.