Original subtitles

(Cartoon Music Playing)

(Canned Laughter)

Announcer: Wow! Listen To Those Laughs.

Would You Like To Make People Laugh Like That?

Wouldn't It Be Great To Be The Funniest Kid On Your Block?

You Can Be By Calling 555-Joke

For The Most Hilarious Jokes You've Ever Heard.

That's For Me.

Child: I Dialed 555-Joke, And I'm The Life Of The Party.

Announcer: Jokes That Are Guaranteed To Make Your Family And Friends

Roll In The Aisle.

So Call 555-Joke.

Where's Joke?

That's 555-5653.

555-5653.

Only 95 Cents A Minute.

And Remember, Get Your Parents' Permission.

Dr. Huxtable

Are You Ready To Roll In The Aisle?

Pardon Me?

Can I Have Your Permission To Tell A Joke?

Oh, Yes, Sure.

Yes.

Okay.

Hit It.

Was That The Joke?

Got It.

Got It.

Okay, Hit It.

A Man Walks Into A Restaurant With A Pigeon On His Head.

The Waiter Says, "What Do You Feed That Thing?"

And?

Get It?

Get It?!

Yes.

You're Supposed To Tell A Whole Joke.

You Only Told The Beginning.

Oh, I Did?

Yeah.

I'll Be Right Back.

Okay.

I'm Ready.

Okay.

I Got Laugh Lines All Over My Face

Ready To Explode.

Two Men Are Playing Golf.

Good.

Two Men Are Playing Golf.

Right.

One Man Says To The Other

"It Doesn't Work Unless You Know How To Putt."

It Doesn't Work Unless You Know How To Putt!

Yeah, It Doesn't Work Unless You Know How To Putt!

Why Aren't You Laughing?

You Can't Just Give Somebody A Punch Line.

You've Got To Have Some Part To The Story.

You Tell A Story

And Then You Tell The Punch Line.

That's What Makes The Person Laugh.

Okay, I'll Be Right Back.

Hey.

What Are You Doing?

I'm Calling 5555-Joke.

You're Not Supposed To Use The Phone.

But You Gave Me Permission.

I Gave You Permission To Tell Me A Joke

Not To Use The Phone.

Do You Know How Much Money It Costs?

The Man On Tv Said 95 Cents A Minute.

You Had That Phone Lying There All That Time?

Yes.

That Was Five Dollars Of My Money

You Spent.

Five Dollars, And You Didn't Even Make Me Laugh.

It Wasn't My Fault You Didn't Get It.

(Doorbell Ringing)

Vanessa: I'll Get It.

Car's Out Front.

You Ready To Go?

Yeah.

My Parents Bought It Completely.

Once I Said We're Sleeping At Susan's House

They Didn't Ask Where The Concert Was.

Same Thing Happened To Me.

My Parents Assumed The Concert Was In New York City.

They Have No Idea We Are Going To Baltimore.

This Is The Perfect Weekend For My Parents To Go Away.

My Grandma Sleeps In The Guest Room.

She Goes To Bed At 9:30.

If We're In Before 6:00 A.M., We're Fine.

I Can't Believe We Are Seeing

The Wretched Live On Stage.

The Lead Singer, Frankie X, Wipes Sweat From His Body

And Flings It

Into The Audience.

If Only We Could Have Gotten Front Row Seats.

We Got To Go.

We Have A Four-Hour Drive.

All Right.

Mom, We're Leaving.

Wait A Minute.

I Have Something To Say To You.

Be Cool. Don't Blow This.

All: Hi.

You're Staying At Susan's House?

Right. Right.

Susan, Your Mother Loaned Me This Book.

Tell Her I Really Liked It.

Tell Her I'll Call Her.

I Wouldn't Call Her This Weekend.

Things Are Kind Of Crazy.

Monday Would Be Better.

When Will You Be Home?

We'll Probably Sleep Late.

I'll Be Home Tomorrow Afternoon.

Have A Nice Time.

Bye.

All: Bye.

Let's Get Out Of Here.

Wretched, Here We Come.

♪ Do What You Want, Take All You Can ♪

♪ Take For Yourself, Then Take It Again! ♪

♪ Breaking All The Rules ♪

♪ Rules Are For Fools ♪

♪ The Only Rules Are For Rulin' Fools. ♪

How Did You Get Your Brother To Lend Us His Car?

He Goes To College And Leaves It At Home.

He Asked Me To Start It For Him Occasionally.

I Didn't Say What I Was Doing Once It Was Running.

Can I Borrow The Car Keys?

I Have To Freshen My Makeup.

It's A Doughnut Shop.

You Don't Have To Look That Good.

Can I Have The Keys, Please?

This Is Ridiculous.

Get Your Nose, Okay?

When We First Started This Trip, I Was A Little Worried.

But This Feels Incredible.

Being On My Own, Doing What I Want To Do.

This Will Be The Most Incredible Night Of Our Lives.

A Night That Will Last Until Sunup.

All: Sunup!

Where Did We Park The Car?

Were You Not With Us

When We All Parked The Car Together

And Walked In Together?

It's Against The Wall By The Brown Van.

I Saw The Brown Van And The Wall

But There's No Car There.

Are You Sure?

No Car.

How Will We Get Home?

We Are Stuck In Wilmington.

I Am In So Much Trouble.

I'd Rather Die.

I Can Hear My Parents Now.

"Why Didn't You Think?"

I Feel Awful.

My Makeup Was In That Car.

I Got To Call The Police.

No, Kara, No.

You Cannot Call The Police.

Why Not?!

Our Parents Will Find Out We Reported A Car Stolen

From Wilmington, Delaware.

They'll Know We Were Here.

She's Right.

Don't Call The Police.

What Am I Supposed To Do?

A Car Can Get Stolen Anywhere.

Tell The Police It Was In Your Garage.

If They Find It Here

They'll Think This Is Where The Thief Left It.

I Don't Know.

We Do Not Have Room For Doubters Now.

Don't Let Your Emotions Get In The Way.

We Can Take Care Of This Back In New York.

When We Get Back To New York, I'm Reporting The Car Stolen.

Fine.

Kara, Listen.

Cars Come And Cars Go.

But, Honey, That Wretched Concert's In Baltimore.

What Do You Say?

♪ Breaking All The Rules ♪

♪ Rules Are For Fools... ♪

All Right!

Then You Put It In The Pot.

You Put It Right On Top Of The Pepper.

Dump It On The Pepper.

Hi, Dr. Huxtable.

Hey, How You Doing?

Want To Hear A Joke?

Look, I Told You Not To Use The Phone

And You're Wasting My Money.

I Made A Joke Up Myself.

Oh, Well, Then That's Comedy.

All Right. Fine.

Ready?

Yeah.

Go Ahead.

A Horse And A Pig.

Horse And A Pig--

That's A Good Setup.

The Horse Jumped Over The Pig

And Landed On His Tail.

And The Pig Said...

"Did You Do That For Me?

I Didn't Know."

Thank You, Ladies And Gentlemen.

For My Next Joke...

No, I Don't Want To Hear Any More Jokes.

I Would Laugh So Hard...

A Pig And A Cow.

Pig And A Cow.

The Pig Jumped Over The Cow, And The Cow Said...

"You Wouldn't Do That If It Was Summer."

Thank You, Ladies And Gentlemen.

For My Next Joke...

No More "Next Joke."

These Jokes Are Not Funny.

I Don't Understand Them.

You're Just Telling Things And Taking Bows.

Now That's It.

You've Been A Beautiful Audience.

Thank You.

Now That's Comedy--

Knowing When To Get Off.

Rudy: Mom! Dad!

Denise: Come In Here, Quick!

Woman: Half A Block Behind The Cameras

A Fire Still Rages At The Hazelton Paint Factory.

Toxic Fumes Are Threatening The Houses On Wedgewood Avenue

And Many Residents Have Been Evacuated.

What Is This?

The Fire Is A Block From Susan's House.

That's Where Vanessa Is.

They Said Something About Toxic Fumes.

I'm Going To Call.

One Fire Fighter Told Me That If The Wind Shifts

The Blaze Could Spread To These Homes Just Behind Me.

What If Vanessa's There?

With Me Now

Is Beatrice Whitman

Who Lives Here At 32 Wedgewood Avenue.

That's Susan's Grandmother.

Mrs. Whitman, You Live Here With Your Daughter And Son-In-Law?

Mrs. Whitman: Yes, But They're Away For The Weekend.

Vanessa Didn't Say Susan's Parents Were Away.

My Granddaughter And Her Friends Were Supposed To Come Over

But The Firemen Said Nobody Was In There.

Reporter: That's The Story From Here.

Only Property Damage; No Lives Lost.

Vanessa Said They Were Going To Stay At Susan's

Until The Concert.

Why Don't You Call Some Of The Other Parents.

Good Idea.

If They Haven't Heard From Them

We Can Find Out

Where The Wretched Concert Is And We Could Meet Them.

Did You Say The Wretched?

They're Not Playing In New York.

They're Not Allowed To Play Here.

Rudy: There's Frankie X!

He's From The Wretched.

Lead Singer Frankie X Said In A News Conference

That He Wanted To Thank The Citizens Of Baltimore

For Letting The Wretched Play There Tonight.

Did He Say That The Wretched Are In Baltimore Tonight?

That's What He Said.

Vanessa Went All The Way To Baltimore.

Wow.

(Chanting:) Wretched, Wretched. Wretched...

Let's Hold Hands So We Don't Get Separated.

Isn't This Fantastic?

These People Are Beautiful.

There Is So Much Love Here.

Susan, I'm Glad You Convinced Me

To Come To This Concert

Rather Than Filling Out That Police Report.

We're Going To Be A Part Of Music History.

Are You All Together?

Yeah. Yeah.

You Need Help Finding Your Seats?

Yeah.

We're In Section "A", But We Don't Know Where It Is.

Really?

From Out Of Town?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

New York.

New York?

Oh, You Must Really Love The Wretched.

I'm With The Band.

Give Me Those Tickets

And I'll Take You In Through The Special Entrance.

All Right.

Is It The Same Entrance The Wretched Used?

The Very One.

I'll Get You Some Backstage Passes.

Come On, Give Me The Tickets.

These Are Righteous Seats.

Come On, Follow Me.

Wait!

Wait!

Where Did He Go?

Not Available In Stores.

Excuse Me.

Some Guy Told Us He'd Show Us To Our Seats.

Then He Took Our Tickets And Ran Off.

Was He Wearing An I.D. Like This?

They've Been Trying To Catch Him.

It's All Over, Girls.

This Wasn't Meant To Be.

Let's Take A Bus And Go Home.

Janet, How Much Money Do We Have Left?

Oh, No! Oh, No!

Cliff, I Don't Know If You're Ready For This.

That Was Kara's Mother.

She Just Received A Call

From The Police In Wilmington, Delaware.

Kara's Brother's Car

Was Found On The Side Of The Road

Completely Stripped.

When They Apprehended The Thief

He Confessed To Having Stolen The Car

From Outside A Local Doughnut Shop.

The Police Went To The Doughnut Shop

And Spoke To An Employee

Who Gave Them A Description Of Four Girls

That Fits The Description Of Our Four Girls

And Said That They Asked Her

"How Do We Catch The Bus To Baltimore?"

They Don't Bother To Call And Report

That The Car Is Stolen.

They Get On A Bus And Go To Baltimore

To Be With The Wretched And Have Big Fun.

I Say We Should

Get Ourselves Together

And Go Over To Susan's House And Meet Vanessa

'Cause You Know They're Going Back There.

I Want You To Do Me A Favor.

From Where My Heels Are To Where I Land

I Want You To Mark How Far I Jump.

All Right, Stay Right There.

That's About Eight Feet.

Eight Feet?

Add Another Three To That.

Because When We See Vanessa

That's How Far Away From Her I Will Have To Be.

Come On.

You Bring Yourself In This House Right Now.

If You Think That Ride Home Was Something

Believe Me, We've Only Just Begun.

Here We Were Thinking That You're Lying On The Floor

Of Some Burning Building

Dying Of Asphyxia

And You're Down In Baltimore Having Big Fun

Weren't You, Vanessa?

Didn't You Go To Baltimore

And Have Big Fun?

Didn't You Go For Big Fun?

Shut Up!

Don't Open Your Mouth When I'm Asking You A Question!

Rudy, Go To Bed!

I Only Hope That You Can Have This Same Experience, Vanessa.

I Hope That One Day You Realize How It Feels

To Think That Your Child's Life Is In Danger.

You Have Taken Us From Levels Of Frenzy, Panic, Distress

And Now That We Know You're Okay, Rage.

That's Where We Are Right Now, Vanessa.

We Are In Rage

Because We Know That You Have Been To Baltimore, Maryland

With The Wretched To Have Big Fun.

Big Fun.

What Were You Thinking?

I Wasn't Thinking.

You Got That Right.

Did You Really Think That You Four Could Go Off

And Not One Single Parent

Would Find Out About It?

Mom...

Shut Up!

I Know What Was Going On.

You Were Off Being Wild And Free

And Singing The Wretched Song.

I Know You Told Me Already

But Just For The Record

How Was It That You Did Not Get Into The Concert

With The Wretched And The Big Fun?

Answer Me When I Ask You A Question.

We Gave Our Tickets To A Man Who Said He Was With The Band

And He Wasn't And He Stole Them.

Someone Stole Janet's Wallet.

We Ran Away

And We Bumped Into This Friend Of Janet's Brother.

He Gave Us Bus Fare.

You're Lucky You Found Someone

To Take Pity On Your Little Sorry Selves.

Mom, I'm Sorry.

I'm Sorry!

It Will Never Happen Again.

Can I Please Just Have My Punishment?

Your Father And I

Have Been Through Too Much This Evening

To Be Thinking About Your Punishment.

I'd Like My Punishment Before I Go To Bed.

Do Yourself A Favor And Go To Bed.

And Do Me Another Favor, Please.

If You're Thinking About Running Away From Home

Please Don't Take My Car.

Clair: There's One More Thing.

You Have Proved To Us That You Cannot Be Trusted.

It Will Be A Long Time

Before We Even Think Of Trusting You Again.

Mom, I Said I Was Sorry.

This Won't Happen Again...

For All I Know You Are Lying Right Now.

Go To Bed!

Mom, I'm...

We Have To Do Something About This Child's Honesty.

How Can We Get Her To Be Honest About Something She Wants To Do

When She Knows We Do Not Want Her To Do It?

And Before We Sleep Tonight

We Are Going To Figure This One Out.

All Right, Roy.

You Get The Pad And The Pencil

And Bring Them On In To The Chuck Wagon

And I'll Fix Some Coffee And Beans

And A Side Of Pork

And We'll See What We Can Do

About Catching All The Desperados.