Original subtitles

This Is The Best Elevator Music I've Ever Heard.

The Temple-North Carolina Game Is Starting.

That Should Be Great.

Hey, What's Up?

You Were Supposed To Help Us In The Yard.

I'm Sorry.

I Slept Through The Alarm.

I Was Up Late Last Night.

Studying Or Justine-Ing?

With Justine.

Oh. Oh.

It Wasn't That.

Justine Got This New Multi-Disc Cd Player.

We Put In Six Cds, Listened To Music

And Just Held Each Other.

And When The Cds Ran Out, You Let Go.

No.

Then We Talked Until The Sun Came Up.

Oh, That's Very Nice.

Things Are Going So Well Between Us.

Whenever We're Together, The Vibes Are Just Powerful.

I've Never Seen One Of Those Multi-Disc Cd Players.

You Can Actually Put Six Cds In?

Wait.

Time Out.

I Can't Believe You Guys.

I'm Sitting Here Talking About Justine And Romance

And All You Care About Is Her Cd Player?

So What?

You Can't Say Anything To Us, Man

Until You're In The 100% Club.

What's The 100% Club?

We Are Married And We Love Our Wives 100%.

Until You Love Your Woman 100%, You Can't Get In This Club.

But Justine And I Have A Wonderful Relationship

As It Stands.

I'm Not Getting Married Now

Because I Don't Want To End Up

In The Marriage Graveyard.

Marriage Graveyard?

That's Where The Romance Goes To Die.

What Are You Saying?

I Don't See The Romance With You Guys Anymore.

Be Honest.

When Was The Last Time You Gave Your Wives

A Long Passionate Kiss?

All The Time.

Not When I'm Around.

Am I Supposed To Call You Every Time I Kiss My Wife?

I Was Over Here The Other Day.

You Came Back From The Store.

You Hadn't Seen Denise All Day.

You Pecked Her On The Cheek

And Went In The Kitchen.

Marriage Graveyard.

Theo, I Was Carrying Groceries.

Put The Groceries Down And Kiss The Woman.

And, Elvin...

Hey, Man...

Now Sondra And I Don't Live Here

So Don't Give Me Any Comments About How I Romance My Wife.

Elvin, Last Week I Was At Your House.

After Dinner, We Sat Down To Watch Your Movie.

You Put Your Head In Sondra's Lap

And You Fell Asleep...

Snoring Loudly.

Marriage Graveyard.

I Don't Remember That.

And, Dad...

There's No "And, Dad."

I Have Five Children.

I Don't Have To Prove Anything To Anybody.

Great Game.

Yes, Temple!

Did You See Theo Run Out Of Here

At The Final Buzzer?

Yeah.

He Goes Over To Justine's

Gets A Little Hugging And Kissing

And He Thinks It's Romance.

Theo Thinks He Had A Romantic Evening

With Justine And Those Six Cds.

I Remember Last Fall

It Was A Beautiful, Warm Autumn Evening.

Denise And I Took A Walk Across The Brooklyn Bridge.

About Halfway There, She Got Too Tired

So I Picked Her Up

And I Carried Her The Rest Of The Way.

By The Time I Was Done, Boy, I Was Tired.

Denise Looks Small, But That's A Long Walk.

We Found A Bench

And Looked Out Over The East River

At The Moon Reflecting On The Water.

That's Romance.

That's Romance.

That Was A Romantic Evening.

Without Cds.

Please. Without Cds.

What Does Theo Know About Being Romantic?

I'll Tell You A Romantic Moment Sondra And I Had.

I Was Studying For An Exam.

Sondra Was In The Room With Winnie.

She Was Crying.

Sondra Was Taking Care Of It.

I Went To Bed Because I Had To Get Up Early

And I Started To Miss Her

So I Took Our Mattress Into Winnie's Room

And We Put Winnie Down Between Us

And Sondra And I Spent 15 Minutes

Singing Love Songs To Her.

And After Winnie Went To Bed

We Kept Singing Them To Each Other.

That Is Romantic.

Don't Tell Me I Don't Have Romance.

Romance.

Nobody's Going To Tell You That.

I Don't Know What Year It Was.

I Remember I Worked About Six Day In A Row

Delivering Babies.

I Had About 12 Hours Sleep In The Six Days.

But Each Time I Got A Chance To Go Home

Clair Just Looked Spent.

I Called Her Secretary And I Said

"I Want You To Send A Dress Over--

"Her Dress, Shoes, A Whole Outfit--

To The Carlyle Hotel."

I Rented A Suite.

Room Service Came Up.

A Little Champagne-- Just A Taste.

We Had Champagne.

We Had Lobster.

We Had Everything.

We Stayed Overnight.

Limousine Drove Us Home.

Now Is That Romance Or What, Huh?

Well, Dad, I Don't Mean To Put You Down

But, You Know, Anyone Can Have Romance

If They Spend Money Like That For It.

You Know?

Martin And I Use Our Limited Resources

To Create Romance For Our Wives.

I Personally Think That's A Higher Form Of Romance.

I Agree.

Are The Two Of You Telling Me

That I Couldn't Be As Romantic If I Didn't Have The Big Bucks?

All I'm Saying Is That It's Been A While

Since You've Been Used To Anything Else.

Are You Busy Saturday?

No.

No.

We Get Dressed In Tuxedos.

We Have Dinner Here.

Each Man, Prior To The Dinner

Will Go Out And Buy His Wife A Present...

There You Go Again.

That's Buying Things To Create Romance.

Let Me Finish.

The Present Is From The Heart

And Each Man Cannot Spend Any More Than $25, Tax Included

On The Present.

I Like This.

Yeah?

But How Will We Be Able To Tell

Who's Been The Most Romantic?

From The Reaction Of Our Wives.

And The Winner Will Be The Emperor Of Romance.

Do You Agree?

I Like This.

I Accept The Challenge.

All For One...

All: One For All, And Three For Five.

Can't Wait.

No, Jake!

Listen To Me Carefully.

25 Dollars Maximum

Tax Included.

Something Romantic For My Wife.

Don't You Have Something?

No, Jake!

I Don't Want An Electric Can Opener.

Now, Come Up With Something!

You Call Me Back.

Hey, Dad.

How You Doing?

I Hear There's A Big Dinner Happening Here For The Wives

And Mr. Lamont Is Cooking It.

He's An Old Friend Who's Returning A Favor.

Well, You're Welcome For The Inspiration.

Whoa, Whoa, Whoa.

Let Me Ask You A Question.

What's Up?

You're A...

A Young Man And You Have A Girlfriend

And No Money.

What Was The Last Thing That You Can Remember

That You Gave Her

And When You Gave It To Her

She Just Fell Apart

And Hugged You And Kissed You?

The Other Day, Justine Mentioned

That She Was Out Of Subway Tokens.

So I Went Down And Bought Her A Ten-Pack Of Tokens.

Wrapped It Up In Little Ribbon.

Then I Gave It To Her.

Tokens?

She Gave Me A Big Old Kiss

Right There On The Subway Platform.

Then Again, She Gives Me Those Kinds Of Kisses

All The Time

Because We're Not Married.

Yeah, Well, You Idiot!

Your Mother Doesn't Ride The Subway!

Hey, Dad.

Hi, Dr. Huxtable.

Where Have You Guys Been?

We Were Shopping.

Ahh.

I Bet You Were Shopping For Denise's Present.

A Very Special Present.

Denise Will Love It.

How About Your Gift?

The Gift That I Have For Mrs. Huxtable

After Everybody Sees It

That Present You Have In That Bag

Will Look Like It Came Out Of That Bag.

We Will See About That.

Now I'll Go Upstairs And Hide This.

Olivia?

Olivia?

Come Here, Dear.

I Haven't Seen Much Of You.

Well, Well, Well.

I Haven't Seen That Much Of You.

So You Went Over To The Mall.

That's Right.

Nice Places You Went To?

You Want To Know What We Got Denise?

Yes.

I'll Tell You.

We Got Denise...

Hmm.

Would You Look At That?

A Nasty Hangnail.

Do You Ever Get These?

Are You Going To Tell Me What The Gift Is?

I'll Give You A Hint

But Listen Carefully.

A Wet Moose Walks Backwards At Night

But...

An Old Buzzard Whistles In His Sleep.

It Makes No Sense.

Maybe Not

But I Know What Denise's Present Is

And You Don't.

Bye-Bye, Dr. Huxtable.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Everybody.

All: Hi.

You Look Gorgeous.

Thank You.

I Bet You Can't Wait To Get Your Gifts.

Oops.

We're Getting Gifts?

I Didn't Say That.

I Heard You Say

"I Bet You Can't Wait To Get Your Gifts."

I Wasn't Supposed To.

Let's Change The Subject.

Olivia, If Something's Going On

That We Don't Know About

Maybe You Should Share It With Us.

Women Always Share Secrets.

That's Right.

Okay. The Husbands Bought You Gifts

But They Could Only Spend $25.

That's What The Bet Was.

What Bet?

Who's The Most Romantic.

Whoever Likes The Gift The Most

Their Husband Wins.

They Made A Bet

To See Who Could Be The Most Romantic?

Yes.

But You Didn't Hear That From Me.

So That's What This Is?

It Has Nothing To Do With Us.

It's A Bet.

I Can't Believe We're A Part

Of Some Stupid Macho Contest.

And Where Do They Get Off Spending Only $25?

When Your Father Gives Me His Gift

Even If I Love It

I'm Going To Look Like This.

That's Good, Mom.

Okay, You Do That.

And As Soon As I Open My Gift

I Think I'll Just Have To Fall Asleep.

You Guys!

I'll Go Easy On Martin.

Why? Why?

I'll Do Something More Delicate.

Something Like...

Now, That Was Sensational.

I Have Never Had Food So Good

Not Even Aboard Ship.

Well, Ladies

This Evening Is Not Over Yet.

We Have A Surprise For Each Of You.

Ladies, Did You Hear That?

How Nice.

I Can't Wait.

Sondra...

Darling...

I Love You.

I Mean That From The Bottom Of My Heart.

I'd Like To Give You This.

I Hope That It Means As Much To You

As It Means To Me.

( Loud Yawn )

Oh, Excuse Me.

I Don't Know What Came Over Me.

You've Always Wanted A String Of Pearls.

Since I Couldn't Afford That

I Got You One Pearl

And I'll Add Another One To This String

Every Year Of Our Life Together.

Oh, Elvin...

Oh, Honey, I Love The Thought Of That.

Thank You!

( Clearing Throat )

On Our First Date, You Kissed Me.

As I Walked Back To My Ship

I Used This Handkerchief

To Wipe The Lipstick From My Lips.

You Saved That?

And This...

Is The Flower That You Wore In Your Hair

When We Were Married On A Hill In Africa.

Open It.

And This Is A Time Capsule.

Read The Inscription.

"February 22, 2040."

That's 50 Years From Now.

When We Buy Our First Home Together

We're Going To Bury This In The Backyard

And 50 Years From This Date

We're Going To Open It

Together.

Oh, Martin.

This Is The Most Loving Present

You Could Have Given Me.

Many Years Ago

A Teenage Boy--

Very, Very Early In His Teens--

Walked With His Girlfriend.

And They Went To The Drugstore

To Share A Soda.

And His Girlfriend Looked At A Barrette

Made Of Wood

With A Glass Stone In It.

Cost About 50 Cents.

And She Admired That Barrette

But The Young Teenage Boy

Had No Money To Buy It.

However, For Tonight's Occasion

I Was Fortunate.

I Called And I Called

And I Found A Collectibles Store

That Had One Of These Same Wooden Barrettes

With The Glass Stone In The Center.

And So, I Feel That It's Important

For My Bride

Who Admired That Barrette

To Open It And Wear It Tonight.

You Remember That?

Yes.

You Called Long-Distance For That Barrette?

Yes.

That's Very Sweet, Cliff.

Thank You.

But I Never Wanted The Barrette.

But, But You Said...

When You Looked In...

Eunice Chantilly...

...Wore That Barrette

And I Said It Was Tacky!

What I Wanted

Was A Green Plastic Bracelet, Cliff.

Not That Tacky Barrette.

This Is...

Oh, Cliff!