Original subtitles

Captioning Made Possible By The Carsey-Werner Company

The Metropolitan Life Insurance Company

And The U.S. Department Of Education

Uh-Oh.

Cliff: Has Anybody Seen My Work Gloves?

Clair: Yeah, Honey, I Put Them In The Kitchen

Underneath The Sink.

Cliff: Okay.

What Are You Doing?

Just Chilling.

Would You Come In The Kitchen For A Minute, Please?

What For?

Oh, Just Want You To See Something.

I Can Sing "Blue Suede Shoes."

No, This Is Not Star Search, Dear.

( Singing Softly )

Just Take A Look Around.

See If You Notice Anything.

Just Look Around.

Notice Anything Yet?

I Think You Did It.

Okay, I Did It.

But Everything Here Is Too High.

I Can't Reach It.

This House Is Only For Big People.

But One Day...

One Day You Will Grow Tall

And You Will Be The Same Size As The Big People.

So Don't Worry, Okay?

Now Let Me Help You With Something.

You Want A Paper Towel, Fine.

I'm Going To Give You Your Own Paper Towels.

Now You Know What You Can Do?

What?

You Take Care Of These.

I Don't Want You To Ball Them Up

And Make Snowballs Out Of Them.

And I Don't Want You To Put Them In The Toilet Bowl

To See If They Will Soak Up

All The Water.

Okay.

Another Thing Is This--

If You Want Something And It's Out Of Your Reach

Do Me A Favor, Please.

Go Ask A Tall Person.

They'll Get It For You, All Right?

Okay, From Now On, That's What I'll Do.

Right.

Thank You, Dr. Huxtable.

You're Welcome.

Yeah, That'll Be The Day.

...Stuff Like That.

I Didn't Think I Could Get Excited

Listening To Someone Talk About The Environment.

But That Professor Was So Passionate.

I'm Sending In For His Lectures.

He Talked About Things You Never Think About.

I Mean, Everyone Knows

The Rain Forests In The Amazon Are Disappearing.

But You Never Think About--

Like, For Instance, The Statistics In Brooklyn.

I Mean, The Concentrations Of Carbon Monoxide

In The Bridges And Tunnels We Use.

I Don't Know What's Happening.

Hi, Ready To Order?

Oh, Um...

Yeah, I'll Have The Fruit Tart, Please.

Okay.

And You?

Oh, I'll Have The First Thing On The Menu.

That's Quite A Dessert.

Yeah, Quite A Dessert.

Vanessa, Do You Want Some Worms On Top Of That?

Uh-Huh.

Hey!

Huh?

Wake Up.

Oh.

Denise, He Is So Cute.

And He Looks My Age.

I'd Love To Meet Him.

So Go Over And Say "Hello."

Oh, Come On.

I'd Be Too Embarrassed.

You May Never See This Guy Again.

Go Ahead, Go.

Okay.

Tell Me What To Say.

Say "Hello."

That's Your Best?

I Could Come Up With "Hello."

Okay, "Hello" Is Just For Starters.

Say Something Like, Um...

Say, "Excuse Me.

"I've Never Come Up To Someone Like This Before.

"Please Don't Say Anything To Discourage Me

From Doing It Again."

I Like It.

Yeah.

You Just Got That?

It Was Pretty Good, Wasn't It?

Denise, That Is Brilliant!

I'm Going To Go Over There.

Good.

"Excuse Me.

"I've Never Come Up To Someone Like This Before.

"So Please Don't Say Anything

To Discourage Me From Doing It Again."

Go.

Ooh-Ooh- Ooh-Ooh.

Uh, Excuse Me.

Yes?

Excuse Me...

Yes?

Sugar.

I Came To Borrow Sugar.

What Are You Doing Here?

I Couldn't Say It.

If You Want To Meet Him

You Have To Do It.

Take The Bull By The Horns.

Why Can't I Wait For Him To Ask For His Sugar Back?

You Don't Want To Waste My Great Line.

Now, Go.

Okay, Okay, I'll Do It.

Excuse Me.

Oh, Hi.

I've Never Come Up To Somebody Like This Before.

Oh, I Didn't Mind.

I Don't Use Sugar.

So Please Don't Say Anything To Discourage Me

From Doing It Again?

Huh?

Want To Sit Down?

Yes!

He Asked Me To Sit Down!

Why Are You Sitting Here?

Oh, No.

Oh, I Can't Go Back.

He's Going To Think I'm Stupid.

I Came And Sat Over Here.

Now Calm Down.

Here, Take Back His Sugar.

Oh, That's A Good Idea.

I'm Back.

I'm Elliot.

I'm Vanessa.

I've Never Come Up To Somebody Like This Before.

You Mentioned That.

Here You Go.

You Really Like Dessert, Don't You?

Oh, Hey, Mom.

Hey-Hey.

I Think I Found What To Do With My Life.

No.

The Environmental Lecture Was Good For You?

Yeah, That Was Good.

But Vanessa And I Were In The Cafe

And She Sees This Cute Guy

But She's Too Scared.

So I Coach Her

And Give Her This Great Line.

When I Left That Cafe They Were Having

This Fabulous Time.

I Have A Talent For This.

I Think I Might Be A Singles Counselor.

I Don't Know If It's Good

To Mix Matters Of The Heart With Members Of The Family.

Your Father And I Always Avoided That

With You Girls.

But You Could Really Change Somebody's Life

By Introducing Them To The Right Person.

This Could Be The Right Guy For Vanessa.

Hey, Vanessa.

Where's The Engagement Ring?

There Isn't Going To Be Any.

Denise, You Said

"What Is The Worst That Could Happen?"

I Don't Need Your Help.

I Can Get Myself Into This Kind Of Trouble.

He Asked Me To Go

To The Movies With Him.

What Is Wrong With That?

He Asked Me If He Could Meet My Parents.

And Then I Look Up

And There's This Girl Standing There, Shana.

His Girlfriend Of The Past Six Months.

He Didn't Mention Her To Me Once.

What Did He Say?

Nothing.

He Pretended He Didn't Know Who I Was.

This Is The Most Humiliating Moment Of My Entire Life.

And There Have Been Many.

Thank You, Denise, For Pushing Me Into This.

Me? I Was Just Trying To Help.

Help?

( Doorbell Ringing )

It's Him.

Elliot.

How Does He Know Where You Live?

I Gave Him My Address.

That Was Before Shana.

Denise, You Get Rid Of Him.

I Don't Want Him In This House.

Oh.

Mom, What Do I Do?

Open The Door.

Hello.

You're Denise, Right?

Yes, Yes, Hello, Elliot.

May I Come In? It's Cold.

Might Be Colder In Here.

Look, I Understand Why Vanessa's Upset.

But I Wanted To Tell Her

I'm Almost Ready To Break Up With Shana.

Oh.

I Haven't Done It Already

Because Shana Has A Very Strong Personality.

Just Ask Vanessa If She'll See Me.

Okay.

Vanessa!

What?

Elliot Wants To See You.

No, He Is History.

Get Him Out Of This House.

Need I Say More?

I've Got To Find A Way To Get Vanessa Back.

You Were Never With Her.

I Want To Be.

I'm Breaking Up With Shana Today.

Whatever You Say, Dude.

I'll Walk You To The Door.

Wait, Wait!

Tell Me What To Say To Her.

Me?

Vanessa Told Me You Gave Her That Great Line.

Just Give Me A Line That Does The Opposite.

No, No, No, No.

I'm Out Of This.

It's For Your Sister.

I Want To Show How Much She Means.

What Do I Say To Shana?

Tell Shana You've Treasured The Moments You've Had With Her

But Now It's Time To Move On.

Fantastic.

It's Fantastic, You Really Know What You're Doing.

That's Exactly What I'm Going To Say.

Oh, And Tell Vanessa When I Get Back

My Heart Will Be Free.

Free Like...

Like An Empty Paper Cup Blowing In The Wind

In A Deserted Parking Lot.

How Was That?

Awful.

Man, I Need Help With These Things.

Yo, What's Up?

Hi.

Listen, You're Late

But You're Just In Time For Some Stew That I Made.

It's Special.

Go Ahead, Dig In.

No Thanks, I Already Ate.

I Made My Own Dinner At My Apartment.

What? What?

Yeah.

I Had A Pepper Steak, Sauteed Vegetables

German-Style Potato Salad.

Both: Must Have Been Frozen.

But I Didn't Have Dessert.

Hey, Rudy, I Need A Fork.

Here. Quarter.

Bill Me.

What Are You Reading?

Moby Dick.

All Right, Well, Now.

That's One I Have To Read

For My American Novel Class.

Let Me Tell You About It...

I'm Going Over Reading Comprehension Techniques

With My Dyslexia Counselor.

It's Not So Tough.

Do You Know In All American Literature

This Is Probably The Best Example Of Good Versus Evil.

There You Go...

The Destructiveness And Chaos Of The Whale

Could Be Interpreted As Evil.

I'm Not Talking About The Whale.

I'm Talking About Captain Ahab

And His Need To Conquer And Destroy Nature.

Yeah, But You See...

When I Was In High School, Moby Dick Read To Me

Just As An Heroic Tale Of Man Against Nature.

Ah, Yeah...

But Now That I'm Reading It Again

It Reads More Like An Allegory Of Man's Inner Conflict.

Well, Yes, But...

You Are Studying This Book.

Hey, Just Call Me Ishmael.

Well, It Sounds Like You Two Are Into This.

I Think I'll Just Go Into The Living Room...

But I Have Gone Fishing.

Whoa, Whoa. Wait!

I Told You Not To Climb Up On Things.

I Want To Read A Book Like Big People Read.

Okay, You Want To Read A Book.

Okay, Here, Here's A Book

Look At That, Ha-Ha!

Let Me Open It And See What's...

No, That One Has Pictures.

I Want A Big Person's Book.

That Brown One!

This Brown One?

Please, Please.

Which One?

See, That One With The Colors On It.

You Want To Read Robertson's Guide

To Behavioral Tendencies In Problem Adolescents?

Yeah, That's The One.

You Want To Read This?

Come On, We're Going To Read This.

You Got It.

I'm Going To Let You Have It.

Now You Just Sit Down There

And Here Is The Book For You.

And You Go Ahead And You Read.

Let Me See If I Can Find My Page.

Okay, Here We Go.

Enjoying It?

Yes.

What Does It Say?

Once Upon A Time

There Was A Girl Named Olivia...

Wait A Minute.

How Did You Get To A Little Girl Named Olivia?

I Mean, Is There A Paper Towel In This?

Shh, Don't Talk While I'm Reading.

I'm Sorry.

Once Upon A Time

There Was A Little Girl Named Olivia.

She Had A Best Friend

Who Was A Paper Towel Named Herman.

The End.

Wait A Minute.

How Can That Be The End Of The Story?

Nothing Happened.

Don't Look At Me.

I Didn't Write This Book.

( Doorbell Ringing )

( Sighing )

Hi, Denise.

Hi, Elliot.

Come In.

Vanessa, Elliot's Here.

I'll Be Down In A Minute.

So, How You Doing?

Fine.

Just Think, 24 Hours

You Didn't Even Know Vanessa And Here You Are In Her House

Thanks To My Advice.

Ready To Take Her Out On A Date.

Sit Down.

Yeah.

I Guess I Owe This All To You.

I See People With Needs

And Have The Talent To Help Them Get What They Want.

Shana Didn't Take It Too Well When I Broke Up With Her.

That's Understandable.

These Things Are Difficult And Take Time To Get Over.

( Doorbell Ringing )

That's Shana.

What?

She Drove Me Here.

( Doorbell Ringing )

What?

She Wants To See You.

Um...

Elliot!

This Is Very Awkward.

How Can You Let Her Do That?

I Told You, She Has A Strong Personality.

( Doorbell Ringing )

She's Going To Keep Doing That Until You Let Her In.

Uh, Hello.

Who Is Denise?

Me.

I'll Talk To You In A Minute.

I Thought I Told You To Break The Date

So We Can Go To The Library.

I Was Going To.

But When I Came In, I Got Confused.

What's To Be Confused About?

Dump Vanessa And Go Out With Me.

Well, Elliot, I'm...

Vanessa...

You Remember Shana.

I Know There's Probably

A Lot Of Anxiety In The Room Now.

But The Best Way To Avoid An Ugly Situation

Is Just To Remain Calm.

And Let's Talk About Our Feelings Rationally.

Who Asked You?

This Is Your Fault, Anyway.

You Convinced Elliot To Break Up With Me.

I Did Not.

It Was His Idea.

He Asked For Advice.

You Can't Give A Guy Like Him Advice.

He's Weak.

Anything You Tell Him To Do, He'll Do It.

Now Wait A Minute!

I Happen To Like This Guy.

Are You Just Going To Let Her Talk Like That?

Aren't You Offended?

I Guess I Should Be.

Shouldn't I?

Did You Hear That?

He Doesn't Even Know When He's Offended.

Come Here.

Denise, Could I Talk To You In The Kitchen For A Minute?

Uh, Stay Right There, Folks.

We're Going To Work This Thing Out.

Look, Denise--

You've Got To Get Me Out Of This.

Me?

I Don't Want A Guy Like Elliot.

He's Such A Wimp!

Who Needs A Boyfriend Like That?

Go Tell Him The Date Is Off.

He Came To Break The Date Anyway.

Well, You Tell Him I'm Breaking It First.

No, I'm Not Going To Do That.

Who Are Those Two People In The Living Room?

Elliot And His Old Girlfriend, Shana.

Mom, Denise Has Made Such A Huge Mess Out Of This.

I Am Out Of It.

Tell Elliot It's Over.

Vanessa, Wait.

I'm Not Going To Do That.

Mom, Make Her Do It Herself.

You Don't Need My Help.

You're Doing A Fine Job.

So You're Just Going To Pour Juice

While I Suffer Alone.

As A Matter Of Fact

I'm Also Having A Piece Of Cake.

Hello.

Okay, Here's How It Is.

Elliot, Vanessa's Breaking Up With You.

My Advice To You Is To Grow Up.

Be A Man.

Get A Spine.

Shana, If I've Upset You, I'm Really Sorry.

No, Don't Worry About It.

I'm Glad This Happened.

I Don't Think I Belong With You.

I'm Going To Have To Think About It.

Elliot, Good Night And Good-Bye.

Wait.

This Is Really Bad.

I Think.

Yes, Elliot, It Is.

I Don't Know How I'm Going To Get Home.

Look, You've Had A Rough Night And I Am Partly Responsible.

I Will Drive You Home.

Thanks, I Appreciate It.

Where Do You Live?

Norwalk, Connecticut.

What?

Norwalk, Connecticut-- That's At Least An Hour Away.

I Should Have Thought Of That Before I Had Shana Drive Me.

Yeah.

Forget It, I'll Take You Anyway.

What's The Best Route?

I Don't Know.

My Parents Always Drive Me.

Forget It.

We'll Stop At A Gas Station, Okay?

Okay, Elliot, I Thought About It.

I Tried To Live Without You And Can't.

And You Can't Live Without Me, Either.

I Can't?

No, You Are My Man.

Good Luck, And If You Ever Need Advice

Don't Call Me.