Original subtitles

Hey.

Hi.

How Was Your Day?

Terrible.

The Opposing Attorney Is Getting A Divorce.

He Looked At Me And Said

"You Should Be Home Taking Care Of Your Children."

At Which Point, I Politely Offered My Card And Said

"Please Give This To Your Wife.

"I'd Love To Represent Her In Your Divorce...

For Free."

Tell Me Again What He Said.

He Said, "What Do You Know About Anything?"

What Is His Name?

No, Because

I Will Go Over And Talk...

No, I'm Serious.

Let Me Tell You About My Day.

Let's Talk About That Later.

Hmm?

I've Had A Terrible Day.

I Listened To You Talk About Yours.

Why Can't You Listen To Mine?

You Asked Me About My Day.

I Did Not Ask You.

Days Like This I Want Out, But I Come Home To Bills

I Know Why I'm Working.

What Bills?

Or Am I Not Allowed To Talk?

I'm Sorry.

Of Course You Can Talk.

Let's Look At These Together.

The First One Is From Jake's Appliances.

Is There Anything I Should Know About This?

No, I Don't Think So.

No, No.

Look, Since You're So Depressed

Why Don't I Take You For A Nice Ride?

You Are The Cutest Thing.

Thank You, Dear.

And I'm Looking At This.

I Know You Go Into Jake's And Get Uncontrollable...

Stop!

Total Purchases For The Month:

$2.69?

That's Right.

And The $2.69 I Spent On Batteries For Your Calculator.

I Think You Should Apologize With A Kiss.

I'll Kiss You, But It's Not An Apology.

I Just Like Having My Lips On Your Face.

I Love That.

Mom, Dad, I'm Glad You're Home.

Why Is It

Every Time I Kiss My Wife A Child Pops Up?

How Was Your Day At School Today, Rudy?

Why Are You Asking About Her Day

When You Didn't Ask Me?

Let The Child Speak.

School Was Fine.

Good.

There's Something I Saw I Want You To Get Me.

Why Is It That It's Always "Something I Want?"

Why Can't You Say

"Mom, Dad, I Want To Buy You Something."

Why Would I?

You And Mom Have Everything.

If I Had That, I Wouldn't Have To Ask For It.

And You Know What We Have That You Don't Have?

Jobs.

Rudy, What Is It You Want?

I Was At The Mall.

There It Was In The Window.

The Most Beautiful Sweater You've Ever Seen.

Take One Look At It, And Say "This Is To Die For."

Didn't I Take You Last Month To Buy New Sweaters?

Yeah, But You Didn't Buy This One.

This One Is To Die For.

I Think I Know Why Rudy Wants A New Sweater.

I Was Walking Rudy

Home From School The Other Day.

We Met This Boy Named Clarence.

Vanessa.

No!

She Was So Flustered, She Could Hardly Talk.

Stop Teasing Your Sister.

I'm Not, I Think It's Great.

I'm All For Rudy Being In Love.

Dad, She Has Clarence Written All Over Her History Book.

Oh, No.

We're Studying A Clarence In History.

Who? King Clarence?

Clarence The Great?

Clarence The Hun?

Shut Up.

I Think It's Clarence The Wonderful.

I Said I Go To Work To Pay Bills.

But I Also Go To Get Away From That.

You Know, I Had This Demanding Patient Today...

Oh, Baby, Please.

Not Now, Later, Okay?

It's Time For Me To Prepare Dinner Now.

Perhaps You'd Like To Hear My Story...

Since The Beginning Of Time

Everybody In The World

Has Had To Learn How To Get Along With One Another.

To Be Congenial In Different Situations.

Isn't That Right?

Right.

I'll Bet Even 10,000 Years Ago

Prehistoric Men Used Some Form Of...

Table Manners, For Instance.

So...

Wake Up, Kenneth!

I Thought It Would Be Fun

To Study Manners The Way They Are Today.

Our First Lesson Is Good Manners At The Dinner Table.

As You Can See, I've Set The Table.

I Want Some Volunteers

To Come Up And Demonstrate Good Table Manners.

Good, Good.

Now What About Some Males?

No Male Volunteers.

Have It Your Own Way.

Would You Oblige Us, Kenny?

And Follow Me.

But I Didn't Volunteer.

Yes, I Know.

You've Been Drafted.

Congratulations, Kenneth.

Come Up Here.

Now I Need Two Young Ladies.

Rudy And Amy.

I Need One More Gentleman.

I'll Do It.

Clarence, Very Good.

Come Along.

Sit Over There Next To Rudy.

We're Going To Learn

How To Pass Bread At The Dinner Table.

Amy, You Ask Kenneth For The Bread.

Kenny, May I Have Some Bread, Please?

Yes, You May.

Kenneth, You Don't Take The Bread First, Dear.

Hey, Have You Ever Seen Her Eat?

If I Don't Take It Now, I'll Never Get It.

Rudy And Clarence, I'd Like You To Do

The Same Thing.

Clarence?

Yes, Rudy.

May I Please Have The Bread?

Yes, You May.

Thank You, Clarence.

Would You Like Some Butter?

No, Thank You, Clarence.

Well...

That Is

Just Exactly Right.

Class, Did You See This?

I Want You To Do It Exactly The Way Rudy...

( Bell Ringing )

Class Dismissed.

And Children, We're Going To Explore

Another Form Of Communication

Where Good Manners Are Essential.

The Telephone.

And Kenneth?

We'll Start With You.

Aww...

Very Nice, Class.

You Should All Do It

The Way Rudy And Clarence Do It.

You Know, I Think You Like Rudy.

What Are You Talking About?

No, I Don't.

Yeah, Right.

You Jumped Into The Seat Next To Her.

I Don't Like Rudy.

Tell Us More Lies.

( Kissing Noises )

Excuse Me, May I Please Get Through?

I'm Standing Here.

If You Want To Get Through, Climb Over, Right?

Yeah. Yeah.

You're In My Way.

Tough, I Was Here First.

Gooberbrain, Just Stay There.

Gronk-Face.

Arf-Head.

Lyme Tick.

All Right, Clarence.

"Lyme Tick", You Levelled Her.

Back In The Club, My Man.

Hi, Dad.

Hey.

All: Hi, Dr. Huxtable.

Well, It's Rudy And The Chiffons.

Dr. Huxtable, Who Were The Chiffons?

The Chiffons, A Long Time Ago, Was A Singing Group.

And Mrs. Huxtable And I Would Be Sitting In A Car

And...

They'd Start To Sing And...

We'd Start To Kiss.

If A Boy Tried To Kiss Me

I'd Throw Him Out.

Boys Should Stay Where They Belong.

Most Of The Time They're Hog Heads.

Sounds Like You All

Are Having Some Problems With The Boys.

Don't Make Me Talk About It, I'll Get Sick.

But You Know What?

There's A Certain Guy By The Name Of Clarence.

Clarence, Blech!

He's Like All The Others.

They Walk Around Like They Own The World.

I'll Show You How They Walk, Dr. Huxtable.

You Got It.

Too Slow, Bro, Here We Go.

Put Your Lips Where My Heels Slip.

Wha'zappenin'.

Wha'zappenin'.

Wha'zappenin'.

Wha'zappenin'.

Wha'zappenin'.

Wha'zappenin'.

Hey, Dad, Back From The Mall.

Dr. Huxtable, Guess What?

What?

I Bought You A Present.

Guess What?

What?

Give It To Me.

Here You Go.

It's A Pen

That Has A Ship That Floats In It.

It's A Battleship.

Just Like The One My Daddy Sails On.

Well, Thank You So...

...So Much.

I Was Just Saying To My Children

How Nobody Ever Gives Me Anything.

And Look, You Give This To Me.

This Is The Most Beautiful Pen I've Ever Seen.

Me, Too.

Can I Keep It?

Sweetie, You Don't Give Someone A Present

And Then Ask For It Back.

( Sobbing )

Look, He's Crying.

I Know, But He Has A Lot Of Pens.

Aw, Take Your Old Stinking Pen.

I'm Going To Go Upstairs

And Draw You A "Thank You" Note.

Thank You.

Bye.

Dad, You're A Good Sport.

I'll Draw You A "Thank You", Too.

Hi, Denise.

There's Martha And The Vandellas

Going Downtown Or Somewhere.

Where You All Going?

Kim's Mom's Taking Us To The Mall.

What's Happening At The Mall?

That's Where Clarence And The Other Boys Are.

Wait.

Four People Who Look Like You All

Just Walked Through Here Saying "Blech."

"This Is The Way They Walk."

And Now You're Going To The Mall

Where They Are?

Right, That's Why We're Going.

Clarence And The Boys Hang Out At Circus Burger At The Mall.

And We're Going To Sit At The Table Next To Them.

And Ignore Them.

Wait, Wait.

You're Going Over There To Sit Down Next To Them

And When They Look At You

You're Going To Ignore Them.

Yeah. Uh-Huh.

What If They Don't Look At You?

They Will.

( Bell Ringing )

Class Dismissed.

Clarence, Don't Forget To Stay And Clean The Blackboard.

Oh, Tomorrow Is The Last Of Our Good Manners Classes.

And Guess What?

We're Going To Have A Dance.

( Moaning )

I Want The Girls To Wear Pretty Dresses.

And I Want The Boys To Wear Jackets And Ties.

Aw...

All Right, The Girls Can Wear Jackets And Ties

And The Boys Can Wear Pretty Dresses.

Can You Believe It?

We Have To Dance With Those Glunks Tomorrow.

Let's Pretend We're Sick.

I Have A Better Idea, Let's Ignore Them.

Yeah, That Really Worked.

Let's Do It Right Now.

Yeah.

It's The Dirtballs.

You Crack Me Up.

I Know.

Let's Go Play Some Basketball.

I Have To Do The Board.

Okay, Bye.

See Ya, Clarence.

I Forgot My History Book.

So?

So I'm Going To Get It.

Don't Expect Me To Dance With You Tomorrow.

Fine, Dance With Yourself.

That's Not Funny.

It Wasn't Meant To Be Funny.

Move.

Make Me.

Get Out Of My Way.

Okay.

Oops.

Pick Those Up!

Make Me.

Maybe I Will.

Oww!

What In The World?

Children!

Stop It.

He Shoved Me.

She Punched Me.

I Don't Want To Hear Another Word.

You Like To Be So Close

You Can Be Partners At The Dance Tomorrow.

Pick Up These Books, And Go Home.

Clarence, Finish The Blackboard And Go Home.

I'll Take My Notebook And Go Home.

And Sit In A Hot Tub And Re-Examine My Life.

Wha'zappenin', Home Girl?

I Said "Wha'zappenin', Home Girl?"

Hi.

Ah, That's Nice.

Came Here To Do A Little Housework.

Cleaning The Table With Your Feet

So When I Put My Sandwich Down

It Can Smell Like Old Dirty Socks.

Okay, We're Depressed.

So, We'll Just Sit Here And Be Depressed.

Daddy, It's Not Funny.

You Want To Talk About It?

Okay.

There's This Boy, Clarence.

Clarence, Yes, Yes, Yes.

I Hate Him.

Why Do You Hate Him?

He Pushed My Books On The Floor.

Why Do Boys Act Like That?

Okay, Look.

You're 10 Years Old.

And 10-Year-Old Kids...

The Girls...

They're Like Capsules.

And The Capsules Are Exploding.

Boom, Boom, Boom.

The Boys Are Like Capsules

But Their Capsules Are Still Soaking.

Dad...

You're Making No Sense Whatsoever.

Try This.

Think Of Geraniums.

Girl Geraniums

Open Earlier Than The Boys...

Don't Open Until... Some Time... One Night.

What In The World

Does This Have To Do With Clarence?

Clarence Is A Boy, Not A Capsule.

I Am A Girl, Not A Geranium.

You Should Be Better At This.

You've Gone Through Three Daughters

Before Me.

Okay, Let Me Try This.

Dad.

That's Okay.

I'll Go Upstairs And See

What I Can Find In The Encyclopedia.

Hey, Rudy-Rudy.

Denise, We Have To Talk Later.

Okay.

What Was That All About?

Your Sister's Having Problems With 1o-Year-Old Boys

And I Was Trying To Explain It.

Oh, Lord, You Didn't Go Rambling On

About Geraniums And Capsules, Did You?

No, I Was Not Rambling.

And I Think It's A Good Way

To Tell That Particular Part Of Life.

It Worked On You.

And I Was Confused Until I Went To Mom.

Oh, Come On.

Yes.

You Never Said That.

This Is Different.

This Boy Shoved Her, Threw Her Books On The Floor.

Oh My, Dad.

This Happens To All Girls.

See This Scar?

David Boatman Did That, When I Was In Fifth Grade.

Pushed Me Into A Tree.

And See This, Right There.

Todd Chaney, Okay?

He Hit Me With A Bat And Made Me Eat Dust.

Why Didn't You Say Something?

We Were Afraid You'd Go After Them.

Of Course, I Am.

This Is Sick Business, Pushing People.

With Baseball Bats...

Why Didn't You Say Something?

Yi, Yi, Yi.

You're Sick, Too.

Going Around Shoving, Nobody Says Anything.

Is That Boy Still Here?

Hi, Olivia.

Hi, Rudy.

You Look Gorgeous.

You Think So?

Yes, Clarence Is Going To Go Wild.

Who Told You About Clarence?

Everyone Knows About Clarence.

Well, I Don't Like Him.

And I Won't Dance With Him Today.

Okay.

Do You Really Think I Look Gorgeous?

Yes.

I Was Thinking Of Wearing Pink Instead.

No, Just Go With That.

It's To Die For.

Thanks, Olivia.

Good, Now...

We Have A Dance Floor

And A Punch Bowl.

And We'll Have Music, And Presto...

This Is A Social Occasion.

And What Do Young Ladies And Gentlemen Do

At A Social Occasion?

They Mingle.

What Do We Mean, Mingle?

Mingle Means To Stroll About

And Say "How Are You?"

And "Just Fine, Thank You."

And "See You Later."

Now, Everybody, Mingle.

All: "Hello, How Are You?"

( Murmuring )

Don't You Think It Would Be Interesting

If The Boys Mingled With The Girls?

All Right...

We'll Skip Mingling.

And Go Right To The Music.

Rudy And Clarence, You're Going To Start The Dance First.

All Right?

If He Tries Anything

We'll Be Right Behind You.

She Plays Rough, Step On Her Toes.

Right, Gotcha.

Do You Think You Could Dance A Little Closer?

( Slow Music )

Pretend You're Enjoying Yourselves, Children.

Teacher: Rudy, A Little Smile.

Good Girl.

And Clarence, What About You, A Smile?

All Right, Everybody Choose Your Partners

And Join Clarence And Rudy.

Choose Partners And Everybody Dance.

Oh, That's Lovely.

Uh, Mrs Mcgee?

Yes, Kenny, What Is It?

I Can't Dance.

What Do You Mean, What's The Matter?

All The Girls Are Taken.

No, Kenny, Not All Of Them.

( Music Playing )

♪ ...Will Be My Good News Day... ♪

( Laughing )