Original subtitles

What's Happening, Homey?

What's That?

A Refrigerator I Bought For My Son.

Jake Gave Me A Great Deal.

I'm Taking It Over To His Apartment.

Just Wanted You To See It.

That Is Great.

That Will Go Beautifully In His Bedroom.

You've Been Over To His Apartment?

And I've...

Not Been Invited Over There Yet.

I Just Went To Help Select A Color For His Bedspread.

Why Would He Invite You For Color?

I Know Color.

I Think He Wanted A Woman's Touch.

A Man Knows Colors

Just Like A Woman Knows Colors.

Ask Me A Color, Go Ahead.

I Bet I'll Know It.

Why Is It My Son

Doesn't Want Me Over At His Apartment?

Because Of Your Stories.

What Stories?

When You Get Around Theo's Friends

You Tell Long, Rambling Stories.

Your Eyes Roll Back In Your Head...

You Have No Idea

What This Does To The Listener.

People Have To Listen To You Do This.

They Begin To Feel Like Their Lives

Are Very Short.

I Have Seen Theo And His Friends

Actually Sneak Out Of The Room

Just To Get Away.

Since I'm Helping Pay For That Space He's Living In

I'm Going To Take This Refrigerator

Over To His Apartment

And I'm Going To Go Into His Apartment

Why? Because I Have A Refrigerator.

And If His Friends Are There

If I Decide I'm Going To Tell A Story

I'm Going To Tell A Story.

Why? Because I'm Paying For The Space.

If I Want To Talk For A Week

I Will Talk For A Week.

They Can Get Up All They Want And Go Outside.

I Will Go Outside Talking To Them

And If They Run, I'll Run

Telling My Story, If It Takes Three Weeks.

Because I'm Talking About What?-- Philosophy.

I'm Talking About Life.

Trying To Give The Short Cuts

So They Don't Take The Long Way

And The Next Thing You Know, People Are Doing Things...

That's All Right, You Can Leave Too.

'Cause I'll Talk If Nobody's There.

Why? Because I Love Myself.

And I Know What I'm Saying.

We're All Hooked Up In The Kitchen.

The Tube's Set.

Gentlemen, Our Latest Invention

Will Bring Us One Step Closer

To Living In A State Of Complete Laziness.

The Intra-Room Beverage Transport System.

Guys, I Must Say I Lucked Out

Finding Two Engineering Majors To Be My Roommates.

Your Admiration Inspires Us.

(Knocking)

Open Up The Door, It's Your Father!

Hey, Dad!

You Came Over.

You're Darn Right.

And I'm Coming In, Too.

And If I Want To, I'm Sitting Down.

I Bought Something For You.

What Is It?

It's A Refrigerator.

All Right, Thanks, Dad.

I Needed This.

Darn Right.

This Was Given To You

By A Person You Haven't Invited Over Here Yet.

I'm Glad You're Here Now.

Sure You Are.

You Got To Meet My Roommates.

This Is Danny And Glenn.

I'm Meeting Roommates, Darn Right.

They're Engineering Majors.

I'm Sitting Down, Too.

You Look Like A Man

Who Enjoys A Good Root Beer.

I've Been Known To Partake Of A Root Beer Now And Then.

Darn Right.

They Designed This And I Helped Build It.

Is This Coming From The Supermarket Next Door?

Let Us Have A Toast.

And May You Two, Whatever You Have

Rub Off Onto Whatever He Doesn't.

Oh, Boy.

Ah!

Good Root Beer.

But You Know, The Best Root Beer...

That I Ever Had...

I Was In Manitoba, Canada.

This Root Beer

Was Called...

Big Moose Root Beer.

Bet It Was Good.

Yes, Indeed.

Uh...

It Was Good Root Beer.

Thanks, Dad.

You're Welcome.

Dr. Huxtable

Tell Us More.

I'd Like To Hear More

About The Root Beer.

I'll Make This Short.

Big Moose Root Beer

Was Stored And Aged

In Real, Real, Wood.

Mr. Howser, You Ask Him

For A Ham Sandwich

Mr. Howser Would Wash His Hands

Every Time

Before He Made A Ham Sandwich.

Dad, They Asked You About Root Beer

A Long Time Ago.

I Get The Connection.

It's About Time.

Back In The Old Days They Took Time

To Do Things Right.

Yeah.

I Love The Way You Weave These Themes Together.

When I Was In College...

Oh, Man...

See, We Just Didn't Hang Around

Chasing After Girls...

There Was Eight Of Us

Lived In An Apartment

We Actually Lived In A Building

Two-Story Building

27 Of Us.

And So...

Our Parents Were Going To Come...

To Visit Us

And We Hadn't

Cleaned That House Up Good

Guess It Must Have Been

Two, Three Months.

Whoa!

We Poured Buckets Of Water On The Floor

So You Had Water

Oh, Must Have Been About

About That High.

On The Floor?

Then We Put On Our Bathing Trunks

And Taped Sponges To The Bottom.

You're Talking About A Good Time, Man.

Just Run And Woosh!

Across The Floor.

We Had A Guy

Name Was Bumpy.

He Was Six-Three

Six-Foot-Three

Weighed 155 Pounds.

He Did The Corners.

Hey.

You've Been Gone All Day.

Where Were You?

I Spent Most Of The Day At The Hospital

But That Was After I Spent A Few Hours

At Theo's Apartment.

You Did Not.

And I Wanted To Leave After About 20 Minutes

But His Roommates Kept Asking Me

To Tell Stories.

You Told Stories?

I Certainly Did.

What Stories Did You Tell?

Oh, Clair, There's So Many.

I Don't...

I Told Him About When I Entered The Talent Contest

When I Was Pledging The Fraternity

And How I Sang My John Henry Song.

♪ John Henry ♪

♪ Was ♪

♪ Hitting That Hammer Down... ♪

Thank You.

♪ And He Had A 12-Pound Hammer... ♪

Thank You, Thank You!

What's Wrong?

Thank You.

No, No, The Boys Enjoyed It.

Let Me Tell You

The Best Part Of The Visit...

I Had To Leave.

I Told Them I Had To Go.

And I Walked To The Car

And Theo Was With Me.

He Put His Arm Around Me.

And He Said

"Dad, My Roommates Really Loved You.

"And For The First Time

I Really Saw You As An Interesting Person."

And He Gave Me A Hug And Said

"I Just Didn't See You As My Father.

"I Saw You

As My Friend."

Cliff...

That's Pitiful.

Oh, Hi.

What Are You Doing?

I Have A Problem.

Glenn, Danny And I

Were Thrown Out Of Our Apartment.

I Have To Have All My Stuff Out By Tomorrow.

So, I Guess I Have

To Live Here Again.

What Happened?

Well, After Dad Left

We Started Sliding Across

The Kitchen Floor.

And You Were Making A Lot Of Noise?

No, The Water Leaked Down

Into The Landlord's Apartment Below Us.

What Water?

We Threw Five Buckets Of Soapy Water On The Floor.

Then We Tied Sponges To Our Butts.

You Tied Sponges To Your Butts?

Well, Yeah, To Slide Across The Floor On.

Theo, Where Did You Get Such A Ridiculous Idea?

Dad Told Us This Story How He Did It In College.

I Told You Not To Tell Those Stories.

See What Happened?

Are You Telling Me

Because I Told This Story

That It's My Fault?

Where Did He Get The Idea?

Look, I Also...

Shut Up!

I Also Told Him The Story About John Henry

Who Was A Steel-Driving Man.

The Boy Didn't Go Out And Drive Any Steel.

I Told Him How

His Mother Worked Hard And Had Children

While Going Through Law School.

Has He Had A Baby?

Has He Tried To Go Through

Law School?

Has He Studied Hard? No.

So How Can That Be My Fault?

It's Not My Fault.

I'm Going To Take A Nap.

You And Theo Work This Out.

Man To Man, Friend To Friend.

Just Stay Off My Kitchen Floor, Both Of You.

Hey, Dad.

How You Doing?

Oh...

Is There...

Who's Place Is That?

Dad, I'm Sorry.

I Guess Since Theo's Back, I Forgot We Had Another Person.

I Didn't Set Another Chair.

Well, Set It.

Dad, I Bet You Didn't

Think This House Would Ever Be This Full Again.

It's Just Like The Old Days.

Yeah, Just Like The Old Days.

Who Asked You?

Maybe We Should Hang A Sign Outside.

"Huxtable Hotel- We Turn Nobody Away."

Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha.

Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha.

Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha.

You're Not Back Yet.

You Have To Let Him Stay.

You Got Him Thrown Out.

Great Story, Dad.

I Could Just Picture You Back In College

Surfing Along The Kitchen Floor.

I Want To Tie Sponges To My Behind.

Surf's Up.

Olivia, That's So Adorable.

Isn't She Adorable, Dad?

Surf's Up.

I Heard The Joke The First Time.

This Dinner Is Wonderful.

But I've Got To Make A Run, Okay?

Where You Going?

Don't Worry, I Just Want To Make A Run.

Good, Isn't It?

All: Yeah, This Is Great.

Look, Look.

Look What They Did In The Kitchen.

All Those Tiles Have To Be Pulled Out.

Every Stinking One Of Them.

Surfing On, On...

On The Kitchen.

What Were Those Boys Thinking Of?

Where Did They Get That Insane Idea?

Mr. Fuentes, College Boys, You Know.

They Don't Think.

I Don't Blame The Boys.

You Know Who Is Responsible?

The Parents.

The Parents Today Are Too Easy.

Their Boys Don't Grow Up To Be Men.

They Keep Them Like Little Children

So They Ask Their Mommies And Poppies

To Wipe The Spit Off Their Faces.

Sometimes They Don't Behave The Way You Teach Them.

No, My Two Boys

They Do Everything To Make Me Proud.

My Oldest Son Is A Surgeon.

A Big Surgeon.

My Youngest--

He's A Student At Cornell University.

He's Studying There.

I Finished Cleaning Up All The Broken Plaster.

All Right, Tito.

Throw This In The Incinerator?

Incinerator, Are You Crazy?

You Don't Put Plaster In An Incinerator.

I'm Gonna Get Fined By The City.

Bigger Than The Last Time You Tried To Burn The Rubber Tires.

Put This In The Dumpster.

Okay, Pop.

Mr. Fuentes?

Did He Call You "Pop"?

Who?

Is That Your Son?

You Think He Looks Like My Son?

I Mean, He Called You "Pop."

No, He's A Worker.

Oh, Okay.

Everybody Calls Me Pop.

Oh, Pop, I Forgot.

Mom Wants You To Pick Up

Some Ground Chuck For Dinner.

Pardon Me.

What Is Your Last Name?

Fuentes.

No, It Is Not.

I Told You It Is Not.

Now Get Out Of Here.

Pardon Me, Sir.

Are You His Son?

I Don't Know, Am I, Pop?

Que Estas Acundo Aqui?

No Ves Que Estoy Adlanda Aqui Este Senor De Vegaso Ombre

Es Un Ombre Muy Importante

Es El Padre De Los Muchachos Que Estavan Aqui.

Vete.

Huh?

Why Didn't You Learn Spanish?

You Make Me Ashamed.

Now Get Out Of My Face.

Okay, Pop.

Don't Forget The Ground Chuck.

You Know Mom.

Mr. Fuentes, Please, I Would Appreciate It

If You Would Reconsider Letting The Boys Back In

If They Behave.

Well, I Don't Know, Maybe.

Maybe All This Can Be Covered By Insurance.

But Who Will Compensate Me

For The Emotional Stress?

Everything I Have Suffered?

Well, Um...

What If I Add An Extra $20 A Month?

Twenty Dollars?

Thirty.

I Have Suffered Much.

30, 30, Then.

And My Wife, Carmelita.

She Has Suffered, Too.

Forty.

I Welcome Your Son

With Open Arms.

Thank You.

Send Your Son To Me.

America Is A Wonderful Place.

Where Everybody Gets A Second Chance.

Thank You, Thank You.

Thank You.

Send The $40 In Cash.

♪ Meany, Meany, Meany, Meany ♪

♪ Say What? ♪

♪ Meany, Meany, Meany, Meany ♪

♪ Say What? ♪

Hey.

Hey, Dad.

All Right.

There You Go.

I Was Going To Watch A Movie.

Don't Have Time, You're Out Of Here.

But Where Am I Going?

Mr. Fuentes Has Let You And Your Friends

Back In The Apartment.

All Right.

Here We Go, Pack Up.

Why Rush?

I Can Go In The Morning.

No, You Can't.

You Have To Get Out Of Here Now.

You Have To Go Back There.

You're In The Apartment.

Mr. Fuentes Said You Can Come In.

There'll Be No Partying.

No Building Things That Tear The Place Down.

Stop Sliding On The Floor With The Soap Suds.

From Now, Go To Sleep, Get Up, Study

You Go To Class, You Study, You Go To Sleep, You Eat.

That's It.

Then Graduation, Yay!

But, Dad, What Kind Of Existence Is That?

School's Not Just For Studying.

I Want To Experience All That College Has To Offer.

I Want A Full Campus Life.

How Much More Of A Full Campus Life Do You Want?

Being Thrown Out Of Your Apartment?

How Full Do You Want It?

Jail?

You Understand?

Get Your Stuff.

Don't Get Dressed, You Don't Need To.

You're A College Student And This Is How You Should Dress.

You Look Wonderful Like This.

Keep Moving.

Just Go.

I Got Him Out

And I'm Coming Back For The Twins

And All Other People Under Four-Foot-One.