Original subtitles

It's Kind Of Late

To Ask My Parents About This.

It's A Trip To Egypt On An Archaeological Dig.

We'll Be Part Of History.

How Many Students Get A Chance To Do This?

You Guys Are Right.

All Right, I'm Going To Ask Them.

Mom?

Dad?

Clair: We're In Here.

They'll Never Go For It.

You've Got To Try.

Now Is The Best Time In Our Lives To Do This.

We're Young And We're Single.

If We Don't Do It Now

We'll End Up Like Our Parents.

They Never Did Anything When They Were Young.

You Don't Want To Turn 50

And Be Saying

"I Wish I Went To Egypt With My Buddies.

"I Had The Chance, But I Let It Slip Out Of My Grasp.

"Now I'm Old And Lonely And Bitter...

Living In The Projects."

All Right, I'll Do It.

All Right.

You Guys, I Can't Do This.

There Is No Way My Mom And Dad Will Give Me $1,500.

Don't You Have Any Savings?

I Had $750 From My Job.

My Mom And Dad Kicked In The Other Half.

I Spent All My Money.

Remember The Damages From That Party?

$500.

All Those Parking Tickets I Got.

$325.

Hey, Lou, How Did You Get The Money?

I Got A Grant Because I Have A 4.0 Average

And My Parents Don't Have Much Money.

You Got The Wrong Parents.

They're Rolling In It.

Just Because They're Rolling In It

Doesn't Mean They'll Give Me The Money.

I Can See My Mother Now.

"$1,500?

You Want Us To Give You $1,500?"

Then My Dad's Going To Say

"That's A Lot Of Money For Someone Who Only Gets C's."

Tell Them The Trip Will Be Very Educational

And Result In Your Getting Higher Grades.

I Won't Tell Them That.

Why?

I'll Have To Get Higher Grades.

And That's Going To Kill You?

We'll Go In There With You When You Ask.

We'll Be Like The Three Points Of An Ancient Pyramid.

Thus, You Will Receive Great Cosmic Power.

Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad.

Greetings, Dr. Huxtable, Mrs. Huxtable.

I Need To Ask You Guys A Question.

Uh, When You Think Back

To The Very Foundation Of Civilization

What Period Sticks Out

As The One You'd Most Like To Visit?

The One When Your Mother And I Had No Children.

That Was A Very Clever Retort, Dr. Huxtable.

Thank You, Howard.

Okay, Gentlemen, Get On With This.

I Do Have A Life To Live.

A Professor Is Putting Together

An Archaeological Dig In Egypt

And I Would Like Your Permission To Go.

Of Course.

Go Ahead.

I Need $1,500.

Well, I Think You Better Get A Spoon

And Go Out In The Backyard, Son.

You Want Us To Give You $1,500?

$1,500 Is A Lot Of Money To Give Somebody

Who's Just Making C's.

I Wouldn't Need This Money

If It Hadn't Been For Some Unforeseen Expenses.

Like What?

When You Threw A Party

After We Went Away For The Weekend

And Your Friends Busted All The Furniture?

Or Amassing Over $300 In Parking Tickets?

Exactly.

You See, Those Things

Were Not My Fault.

I Didn't Know All Those Kids Would Show Up.

And For Those First

15 Parking Tickets

They Never Sent Me

A Notice.

Most Of The Expense For This Trip

Is The Plane Ticket.

I Didn't Make Up The Price For The Ticket.

And I Cannot Help It If We're So Rich

I Can't Get A Grant.

Your Mother And I Graduated From College

Then We Went On To Graduate School.

Graduated.

We Are Rich.

You Have Nothing.

Dr. Huxtable

If You Allow Theo To Go With Two Students

Such As Lou And Me

It Could Have A Good Influence On Him.

We'll Straighten Him Out.

If You Two Could Straighten Out This

There Would Be A Small Grant In It For You.

Hey.

Does That Mean I Can Go?

We Didn't Say That.

No, First Of All We Have To Know Something About--

How Long Are You Going To Stay There?

What Are The Conditions?

And Will You Being Staying By Yourself In Certain Places?

After All, You Are Just A "C" Student.

No Problem.

I'll Have Professor Grayson Talk To You Guys.

Theo Will Be Better For This.

I Guarantee It.

I Agree.

Okay.

Let Me Put It To You This Way.

We Haven't Said He's Going To Go.

But If He Does

You Two Are To Be Held Responsible.

And If He Comes Back The Same As He Was

You Owe Us $1,500.

Professor Grayson?

Hi, Theo.

Can I Ask You A Question?

Sure.

I Was Talking To My Parents About The Trip.

They May Say Yes

But I Need Someone To Talk To Them

To Give Them That Extra Umph.

I'd Love To Meet Your Parents.

How's Tonight At 6:00?

All Right. Thanks.

Hey, Guys.

Neil, How Did You Make Out With Your Parents?

My Dad Offered Me More Money

If I Transferred To The University Of Cairo.

I Think He Was Kidding.

How About You Guys?

We're In, But Theo's In Parental Limbo.

They'll Decide

After They Talk To Professor Grayson.

Gene, You Going To Egypt?

I'm Not Spending My Money

To Go Someplace Where It's 110 Degrees In The Shade.

Professor Grayson: The Last Time We Met

We Were Discussing

The Contributions Of Black Africans

On The Egyptian Civilization.

The Kush Kingdom Ruled Egypt From 747 To 656 B.C.

There Was A Great Mixture

Of Cultures And Races Coexisting In Egypt.

I Would Have Fit In Very Well.

Are You Egyptian?

No, I'm Not.

Are You Irish?

You Think Everybody's Irish.

My Great-Grandmother Was Irish.

I Knew She Was A Sister.

But I'm Not Only Irish.

There Are Two Parts Left.

Does Anybody Want To Take A Guess?

Jewish.

No.

Native American.

That's Right-- Cherokee.

I'm Cherokee, Too.

I Knew She Was A Sister.

By The Time Class Is Over

She'll Be Everybody's Sister.

There's One Part Left.

Anybody?

Korean.

Japanese?

No.

Chinese?

No. You've Used Up Your Turn.

I Think I Know The Last Part.

African-American.

Correct.

Really?

Whoa.

( Doorbell Ringing )

Hi, Mrs. Huxtable.

Hello, Kenny, Come In.

Rudy's Upstairs.

Thank You.

Mrs. Huxtable, Can I Ask You Something?

Yes.

Do You Have Any Jobs At Your Law Office?

Are You Looking For A Job?

No, My Brother Is.

He Wants To Change Careers?

Yeah, He Got Fired From His Job.

What Happened?

He Had A Big Date, So He

Borrowed The Company Car.

The Company Car?

He Wanted To Take Her Someplace Special.

Where Did They Go?

Florida.

Don't You Think That Was A Little Out Of Line

Taking The Company Car To Florida?

He Brought It Back Full Of Gas.

You Realize If Your Brother Worked At Our Law Firm

He'd Work For Me.

That's Okay.

This Is The Brother Who Wouldn't Work For A Woman.

I Know, But He's Desperate.

I Might Welcome The Opportunity

To Have Your Brother Work For Me.

If He Does A Good Job, You Could Promote Him.

Then He Could Work For A Man.

Kenny, Come Here.

Your Brother Has Poisoned Your Mind Against Women.

One Of These Days You'll Quote Your Brother

To A Woman Who Is

Less Civilized Than I

And She'll Grab You By Your Ankles

And Twirl You Around

Until Those Caveman Ideas Come Swirling Out Your Ears.

You Want That To Happen?

No.

I Suggest You Tell Your Brother

If He Comes Into My Office

Spouting Those Muddleheaded Ideas

I'll Become Like That Less-Civilized Woman.

Got It?

Yes, Ma'am.

Good.

Mrs. Huxtable?

Yes?

Do You Know If Dr. Huxtable Has Any Jobs

In His Office?

We'll Spend Two Days In Giza.

That's Where The Sphinx Is.

Check This Out.

"Students Will Also Visit Abydos."

That Was The Temple Of Seti.

He Was The Father Of Ramses Ii.

I Hope We Visit

The Valley Of The Kings And King Tut's Tomb.

I Hope We Find Some Of King Tut's Treasures.

They Cleared Out The Tomb.

There's Nothing Left.

Maybe There's Treasures Buried In The Tombs

Of The People Who Worked For King Tut--

Like King Tut's Tailor

Or His Baby-Sitter.

They May Have Gold Statues.

If You Found Those Things

You'd Have To Turn Them Over To The Government

For Scientific Research.

If I Find A Statue, I Got To Give It Up?

That's Right.

Here's A Question.

What If A Brinks Truck Was Driving By

And The Back Doors Opened And Money Fell Out?

Would You Give That Up?

You Can't Compare An Ancient Statue To Money.

Yes, I Can.

Both Of Them

Will Buy Me An Oceanfront Condominium.

There We Go.

Hey!

No, Don't Touch It!

This Is For Professor Grayson.

If You Moochers Want Something, You Go In The Kitchen.

Dr. Huxtable, Sometimes Those Remarks Hurt.

I Call Them Like I See Them.

You're A Moocher-- In The Kitchen.

Dr. Huxtable, You'll Like Professor Grayson.

She's A Brilliant Teacher.

What's Fascinating

Is That Her Origins Are Difficult To Ascertain.

You'll Never Figure Them Out.

I Would Imagine That People Like Your Professor

Get Tired Of People Walking Up To Them And Saying

"What Are You?"

But Professor Grayson Does Not Mind.

She Brought It Up.

( Doorbell Ringing )

I'm Not Telling; You Got To Guess.

Don't!

Please, I Asked You.

Hello, Theo.

Hi, Professor Grayson.

This Is My Dad, Dr. Huxtable.

Professor. Hello.

Have A Seat.

Hi. Howdy.

Howard, Lou.

Well, Dad?

Well, What?

What Is She?

Look, I Am Not Going To Sit Around Here Playing

"What Is She?"

I Know What You Are-- A Fool.

People Ask Me That All The Time.

Go Ahead And Guess.

"Go Ahead And Guess"?

Guess.

I Would Have To Guess...

You Want Me To Guess.

Everybody Wants The Good Doctor To Guess.

Then Fine.

You're A Human Being.

Dr. Huxtable

You're Stalling.

We Want You To Guess

All Parts Of Her Background.

All Three Parts.

Okay, Then All Right.

Then Let's... Let's Hit It.

I Have A Question First.

Let's Say That You Are Running For President

And You Are Going To Address This Town.

I Am The Town, And I Happen To Contain

All Three Of The Parts Of Which You're Made Up Of.

How Can You Make It Significant To Me?

This Is A Very Clever Question.

I'll Try To Come Up With A Speech.

My Fellow Citizens Of The Good Town

Of Grayson

I Am So Happy To Be Here Today.

Looking Out On Your Rolling Green Hills

So Well Known For Its Beautiful Poetry...

Poetry.

And I Know Of Your Concern About Drilling Rights

And The Proper Use

Of Our Land's Minerals And Natural Resources.

I Also Know Of Your Concern For Equality.

We Will Work Towards This Goal

And Join Hands And Raise Our Voices In Freedom.

That Was Good.

I Got Every One Of Those References.

Dad?

Shh.

Rolling Green Hills.

Rolling...

Green...

Hills.

Golf.

Golf Course...

Rolling Hills.

See?

And The Scottish People Invented Golf.

Now...

Something About Drilling Rights.

Oil.

Texas.

Texas Once Was...

Mexico.

Ooh-Wee!

And...

I Should Work For Immigration.

We're Talking About Voices-- Raising Voices.

Singing, Huh?

Opera.

Italy.

So...

I Say That You Are Scottish, Mexican, And Italian.

Ha-Ha!

Deal With It.

Hey, Dad

Deal With 0 For 3.

Really?

Hello.

Hi.

Hello.

You Must Be Professor Grayson?

A Pleasure To Meet You.

I'm Clair Huxtable.

This Is My Father-In-Law, Russell Huxtable.

This Is Our Daughter, Vanessa.

We're Playing A Guessing Game That Dad Just Failed.

Well, I Had Bad Leads.

Can You Guess Professor Grayson's Background?

Dad Said Scottish, Mexican And Italian.

That Is Silly.

How Could You Think Something Like That?

You Try It.

Let's See You Go Down In Flames.

It's Obvious Just Looking At Professor Grayson

That She Is Part Native American.

That's Right.

Cherokee.

Lucky Guess.

I Think I See Some Strong Celtic Features In Your Face.

Are You, By Chance, Part Irish?

Correct.

Dad...

Yes?

The Last One Is Obvious.

Professor Grayson, You Must Be Part African-American.

That's Correct, Also.

My Brother.

The Three Of You

Could See All That Just From Looking At Her?

That's Right, Son.

We Would Have Known It Even If Theo Hadn't Told Us.

Okay, You All Get Out Of Here

And Take Miss Heinz 57 Varieties With You.

Did Mom And Dad Give You Permission To Go?

They're Still Thinking About It.

I Hope You Get To Go.

Your Teacher's Nice.

I Like Her Too, No Matter What Her Race Is.

That's Open-Minded Of You.

It Doesn't Matter What Background A Woman Comes From

As Long As She Cooks And Has Money.

Please.

I Know Why You Want To Go.

I'd Go Anywhere With Miss Grayson.

Kenny, She Wouldn't Even Give You A Second Look.

I'm Not Interested In Her.

I Already Have A Beautiful Woman.

Who?

You.

You Do Not Have Me.

I'm Just Your Friend.

Sometimes I Wonder Why I'm That.

My Brother Says I'm A Catch.

If I Caught You

I'd Throw You Back In The Ocean.

Go Ahead, Because There's Plenty Of Fish In The Sea.

Well, When The Fish See You, They'll Start Walking On Land.

Do You Guys Have To Do This Here, Right Now?

This Is A Very Tense Time For Me.

I'm Waiting For Mom And Dad's Decision.

Would You Please Leave?

Okay.

Come On, Mr. Catch.

Let's Move It.

No Man Will Ever Tame Her.

We Got It.

Your Mother And I Have Come To A Decision.

We Think That It's Wonderful For You To Spend The Summer

Learning About Ancient Civilization.

You Do?

But We Don't Want You To Limit It To Egypt.

We Want You To Broaden It.

All Right!

How Would You

Like To See Other Cultures--

The Pacific Islands, The Amazon Rain Forest?

Do I Have Time?

Definitely

Because Your Mother And I Would Like To Buy You

A Membership To The Museum Of Natural History.

You Can Go There And See All Of The Cultures Of Asia.

There You Are, My Boy, Having A Wonderful Time.

Are You Serious?

Yes. You Know What Else?

Gotcha!

Thank You.

You And Mom Are The Best.

I'll Go Thank Her Now.

Wait.

Give Me My Money Back.

For What?

Give Me The $45 Back.

That Was A Joke.

It Was A Good Joke, And You Got Your Money's Worth.