Original subtitles

It's Okay, Winnie And Nelson, Mommy's Here.

Winnie, Please Stop It.

You're Making Nelson Upset.

( Teapot Whistling )

Come On, You Guys.

You Haven't Given Me A Moment's Rest All Day.

I Need A Cup Of Tea.

All I Ask For Is One Cup Of Tea.

You Guys Can Cry The Rest Of The Night

If You'll Just Give Me Five Minutes.

Oh... You Did It.

You Love Me.

Thank You.

I Had The Most Fantastic Day.

In Anatomy Class, The Professor Asked

If Anyone Could Locate The Incus Bone

And Guess Who Found It.

Moi.

How Was Your Day?

It Was Awful.

I've Got To Say Hello

To My Sweet Little Sleeping Beauties.

Don't Go Near The Babies.

It Took Me Over Four Hours To Settle Them Down.

But I'm Their Da-Da.

I Want To Touch Their Nosies And Toesies.

I Do Not Want Them To Cry.

Did You Have A Hard Day?

Hard?

I Haven't Had A Moment To Myself Since 4:00 This Morning.

Why Don't You Take A Walk, Muffin?

Take A Walk?

As If That's Going To Solve Anything.

Is That What They're Teaching You In Medical School?

And Don't Call Me Muffin.

I'm Sorry... Puffin.

Don't Call Me Puffin.

I Hate That Even More Than Muffin.

I'm Sorry, Sondra.

May I Call You Sondra?

You Don't Know What I Go Through.

You're Off At Medical School Talking With People

Discussing Science And Life.

Then You Just Come In Here, Pick Up The Babies And Say

"Hi, It's Me, Da-Da."

You Spin Them Around A Few Times

Put Them Back And Go Study.

You're Tired.

Why Don't You Go To Bed?

I'll Cook Dinner

And Take Care Of The Babies.

We're Going To Mom's For Dinner.

We'll Cancel.

This Is My Chance For A Nice Dinner

And Adult Conversation.

We're Going.

Of Course We're Going.

I'll Pack Up The Babies

And We'll Be On Our Way.

I Love You. I Love You.

I Missed You.

( Babies Crying )

They're Just Kidding.

They'll Stop In A Minute.

Look, Please.

My Friend Homer Said That He Saw Someone

Who Looked Just Like Him In The Paramus Mall.

Really?

You're As Skeptical

As The Rest Of Them.

I'm Telling You, Elvis Is Still Alive.

Come On, Dad.

You Really Believe That?

There's Lots Of Proof.

A Tourist From Holland

Was In An Off-Limits Area Of Graceland.

He Took A Picture Of The Pool House

And In The Shadows Was A Man Who Looked Just Like Elvis.

So Elvis Was Taking A Little Swim?

Absolutely.

He Loved The Water.

Didn't You See Blue Hawaii?

Hey, Dad, I'm Leaving.

Hey, Grandpa.

Have A Good Time.

That's What I Want To Talk About.

My Date's With Justine.

It's Her Birthday.

Well, Good. You Give Her My Best.

That's What I Had In Mind.

No... No...

See, You're Best Is Parked In The Garage.

Could I Borrow The Keys To It?

You Want To Borrow My Car?

Come On, Heathcliff.

It's Her Birthday.

The Boy's Trying To Make A Good Impression.

I Lent You My Car.

That's A Good Idea.

Take Your Grandfather's Car.

Okay?

It Was Your Car He Asked For.

Keys Are In The Coat Pocket.

Thanks, Dad.

Do Me A Favor.

The Way You Borrow The Car

Is How It's Returned.

And Please Turn The Radio Off When You Get Back.

I Don't Want To Be Frightened When I Turn It On.

You Got It, Dad.

Thanks.

Elvis Wore A Hat Like That In Viva Las Vegas.

To Me He Looks Like Zorro Without The Waterfall.

( Doorbell )

Ah, No.

My In-Laws.

Who Asked You All To Come Over Here?

Hello, Russell.

Hello, Francine, Lester.

Look At That.

Clair Told Me About The New Couch.

Ooh, Feel The Fabric.

Cliffy, You Dropped A Bundle On This One.

Hello, Everybody.

Oh, My Grandchildren.

My Great- Grandchildren.

It's Only Fair That The Oldest Person In The Room

Should Have The First Kiss.

Russell, Be Prepared To Give That Baby Up.

Look How Big You've Gotten.

He Still Smells New.

We're Fine, Thank You.

I'm Sorry, Dear.

It's Good To See You.

So, How's Med School?

It's Sensational.

We're Studying The Diseases Of The Vascular System.

Today We Saw A Film Taken Inside An Actual Heart.

That Thing's Beautiful When It's Pumping.

Oh, Yeah.

We're Studying The Tricuspids

And The Purkinje Fibers.

Yes, Please.

The Best Thing...

But Enough About Me.

Have You Guys Noticed The Sensational Pin

That Sondra's Wearing?

Did You Say Something, Elvin?

Have You Taken A Look At Sondra's Pin?

Where Did You Get It, Sondra?

I Forget.

We Got It At That Little Shop In Soho.

Sondra Picked It Out All By Herself.

Tell Them The Salesgirl Said You Had An Eye For Jewelry.

The Salesgirl Said I Had An Eye For Jewelry.

Elvin, They Working You Hard?

You're Looking Tired, Man.

Dad, It's Exhausting.

But Not As Exhausted As I'd Be

If I Was Taking Care Of Two Babies.

Has It Been Difficult, Sondra?

What Do You Care?

Clair, You Cook A Mean, Mean Jambalaya.

Clair Didn't Cook That Jambalaya.

I Did.

In That Case, It Was Too Salty.

You Men, Into The Living Room.

We'll Get The Coffee And Dessert Ready

If You'll Wash The Dishes.

It's A Deal.

When I Met Lester, He Didn't Know How To Do Dishes.

He Said, "On The Island Where I Come From

Men Don't Do That."

I Told Him

"You're On The Island Of Manhattan Now

So Get Into That Kitchen."

We're Going To Go Where The Women Do

Whatever The Men Say.

I'll Make Some Coffee.

Francine, The Trays Are Under There.

Anna: I'll Get The Cream.

This Has Been A Wonderful Evening.

I Noticed One Person

Who Is Not Having A Good Time.

My Daughter-In-Law.

I Know Why.

She's Spending A Lot Of Time Alone With The Babies

Now That Elvin's In School.

That Poor Child.

I Know What One's Like, But I Can't Imagine Twins.

Hi.

Hi, Sweetheart. Hi, Sondra.

Come Sit With Us.

I'll Just Do These Dishes.

The Men Are Going To Do Them.

They Don't Have To.

It's What I Was Put On Earth To Do.

You Silly Goose.

Come Over Here And Sit Down.

What's So Funny?

Welcome To The Club.

What Club?

The I-Didn't-Know It-Would-Be-Like-This

After-The-Baby Club.

What Did You Think It Would Be Like?

I Don't Know.

I Saw Babies In The Park And They Were So Cute.

I Couldn't Wait To Have One.

I'd See Elvin And Me Playing With Them--

Sitting Around, Discussing Their Future.

You Dug A Nice Little Hole For Yourself.

It's Nothing Like That.

I'm Up All Day And Night.

I'm Up All The Time.

No?!

Then Elvin Comes Home

Plays With Them For Five Minutes

Then Sticks His Nose In A Book.

Uh-Huh. Uh-Huh.

I'm Stuck With The Mess, And He's Getting A Degree.

Uh-Huh. Uh-Huh.

I'll Tell You One Thing, Daddy Doctor Elvin.

After What You Have Put Me Through

I'm Dumping Those Kids On You.

Then You Can Take Care Of Them And Run A Practice

While I Go To Law School.

All Right, Child.

God Bless The Truth.

Tell It! Tell It!

I Don't Know What We Did, But We Did It.

What's The Matter?

The Women Are Worked Up About Something In There.

Uh-Oh.

Elvin!

Yeah?

Come Down Here, Son.

Coming.

What's Up?

The Women Are Worked Up About Something.

Now What Did You Do?

Why Does It Have To Be Me?

Because We've Been Married Longer.

They Don't Expect As Much From Us.

Sondra And I Had An Argument Over The Babies.

Maybe She's Still Upset.

I'll Go Talk To Her.

Sit, Sit, Sit.

Are You Losing Your Mind?

What Is It?

You Go In There Now...

We'll Have To Peel You Off The Ceiling.

It's Not Working Out Like It Was Supposed To.

Sondra And I Talked About This.

She Would Raise The Children While I Was In Med School.

After I Got My Practice Going, She Would Go To Law School.

I'm Holding Up My Part.

What Is The Problem?

Have You Ever Spent An Entire Day At Home

With A Baby?

No.

When I Do Anything With Them, She Says I'm Doing It Wrong.

Welcome To The Club.

It's The Club Where Husbands Do Nothing Right.

We've Been Through All That.

Every One Of Us.

Welcome Aboard.

What Should I Do?

Whatever The Mother Wants You To Do.

What About All Those Nasty Things She Says?

Take It. Take It.

Take It?

Take It.

What About When She Says I Did Things Wrong

That I Didn't Do?

Take It!

Take It.

Aren't They Beautiful?

Look At Her Tiny Little Hands.

Yeah, Sondra Did Elvin Good.

What?

My Brother Says A Baby Is The Greatest Gift

A Woman Gives A Man.

Gives A Man?!

A Woman Does Not Give A Man A Baby.

They Share It.

She Gives It To Him.

He Lends It To Her To Raise.

When I Have My Baby, I'm Getting A Good Job

And My Husband's Staying Home With The Baby.

Looks Like You Won't Be Having Babies.

Yes, I Will, And I'll Have A Good Job, Too.

That's The Problem With The World Today--

Too Many Women Working.

They Mess Things Up.

No, We Don't.

My Brother Works For A Woman.

If He's A Half Hour Late Or Falls Asleep At His Desk

She's All Over Him.

I'll Never Work For A Woman.

Then You'll Never Work, Because We're Everywhere.

I'll Get A Job Building Houses.

Women Do That.

Then I'll Dig Ditches.

Women Do That.

Then I'll Join The Army.

We're In The Army, Too.

We Can Do Everything You Can Do...

Only Better.

You See, Elvin, It's Up To You.

You Can Make Things A Lot More Peaceful

If You Just Help Out

A Little Bit More.

Let Me Tell You One Simple Thing.

When Sondra Was Three And Denise Was One

I Saw On Clair's Face Despair.

No Matter What I Said Or Did...

( Hissing )

I Had To Do Something.

It Was A Weekend... Memorial Day.

I Said

"Dear, You Stay Here, Do Whatever You Want To Do.

I'm Taking These Children Away From You For An Entire Weekend."

I Put The Children In The Car.

We Drove All The Way Up To Maine.

Took Them Fishing.

Every Place I Went, I Put Them By My Side.

Their Mother Would Have Had A Fit The Way I Had Them.

They Never Rolled Into The Water.

Now And Then A Leaf Would Fall On Their Face

But It Was Nothing That Hurt Anything.

I'm Fishing.

I'd Catch A Fish, And I Would Cook It.

Then I Would Take All Of The Bones Off

And Mash The Fish.

Just Mash It And Mash The Potato And Mash The Turnips

Just Like Baby Food.

They Loved It!

Don't Get Me Wrong.

I Love My Babies Very Much.

It's Just That It's So Hard.

Wait Until These Children Get Older.

Then You'll Belong To A New Club.

My-Babies-Are-Teenagers- I-Wish-My-Life-Was-Over Club.

Please Don't Remind Me.

I'm Still In That Club.

Anna And I Are In The Best Club.

They're-Out-Of-The-House-And- I'm-Only-Stuck-With-My-Husband.

Husbands Can Surprise You.

I Remember Once I'd Had My Fill Of Babies.

You Were Three, Denise Was One.

I Was Climbing The Walls.

Cliff Must Have Sensed I Was Burned Out.

He Took You Girls For A Long Weekend.

I Don't Remember.

That's Because You Were Too Young.

I Will Never Forget It.

It Was Memorial Day Weekend Of 1967.

Cliff Packed You Up And Off You Went

On A Fishing Trip To Maine.

He Told You That?

Uh-Huh.

It Was Friday Evening.

Cliff Showed Up With Your Daughters

Who Were Crying Their Heads Off.

He Stopped By Your House?

He Begged Me To Take The Girls Off His Hands.

He Did?

He Said

"Please Just Take Them For A Weekend."

The Girls Spent The Weekend With You?

The Whole Weekend.

I Would Have Called, But Cliff Said

You Were At A Reunion At Hillman.

Cliff, Darling, Could You Come Into The Kitchen, Please...

Now?

Uh-Oh.

There's The Call To Glory.

What Is It, My Little Turtledove?

Come Into This Den Of Evil Women.

Yes, Have A Seat, Sweetheart.

What Is Going On?

I'm Telling Everybody

What A Good Husband And Father You Were.

I Was Telling Sondra

About The Time You Took Her And Denise Fishing.

I Was Just Telling Elvin About That.

The Fishing Trip Memorial Day?

With The Babies.

What Memorial Day Are You All Talking About?

The Year Was 1967

And There's Only One Memorial Day A Year.

I Know There's Only One Memorial Day.

Everybody Knows That.

Tell Me Something That I Don't Know.

Why Don't You Tell Sondra About That?

You Must Remember.

You Caught The Fish And Smashed Them Up

So The Girls Could Eat.

I Don't Like To Brag.

Tell Sondra How You Stopped By My House

And Dropped Her Off.

There Are A Lot Of Times When The Children And I Went Places.

We Were Free Spirits At The Time.

There Was Only One Fishing Trip...

And You Dropped Those Babies Over At My House

And Shamelessly Went On Your Way Fishing...

And Lied To Your Mother About Your Wife's Whereabouts!

That Was Because She Was Crying All The Time.

I Put Her In The Back Of The Car And She Started Crying.

She Was Hitting These High-Pitched Notes.

I Didn't Know If She Would Go Higher.

Denise Started To Not Smell So Good.

I Went By My Mother's House.

She Said, "What Are You Doing?

There's The Beautiful Children."

That's What You Said.

And Then You Said To Me

"Leave These Babies Here And Just Go Fishing."

I Wasn't Serious.

As Soon As I Said It, You Kissed Me And Darted Out

And Went Off To Maine.

After Hearing This Story, I Think More Of Elvin.

He Tells Me The Truth.

You Should Be Ashamed.

Can I Take The Dessert To The Men?

No. No.

And Get Out.

Get Out Faster.

What Happened?

The Women Are Discussing

The Man's Role In Raising Children.

They Wanted My Expertise.

So, Cliff, You Really Straightened The Women Out.

I Was Brutal.

Ah!

I Told Them Where To Pick It Up

And Where To Lay It Down.

Good Thing We Had You In There.

What You're Telling Us Doesn't Sound Like Anything We Heard

When We Were By The Door Listening.

You Were Listening?

We Heard Every Word.

Elvin, May I See You In Here, Please?

Uh, Yes, Pu... Sondra.

Don't Forget.

Take It.

Take It.

Take It.

Take It.

Take It.

He's Taking It.