Original subtitles

Captioning Made Possible By The U.S. Department Of Education

Theo, What's Taking You So Long?

I Can't Follow Some Of My Philosophy Notes.

Let Me See.

Theo, No Wonder You Can't Follow Your Notes.

Your Handwriting Looks Like Chicken Scratches.

Maybe To You, But I Can Understand It.

What Does That Say?

Plate Of Meat.

Soccer Tuesday.

Is That Plato Meets Socrates?

Oh, I Guess It Is.

Why Did I Write Down Spumoni?

That's Probably Spinoza.

He's The Philosopher We Studied Yesterday.

Oh, Right, Spinoza.

He's The Guy Who Said, "Truth Can Only Be Proven

By A Series Of Interrelated Propositions."

Very Good.

It's Not That You Don't Understand This Stuff.

It's You Take Lousy Notes.

Look At Mine.

I Have Everything Written In Columns.

Philosopher, Dates, Books Written And Theories.

Sounds Like You're Pretty Proud Of Yourself, Huh?

A Guy Like You Needs Someone Like Me

To Help Him Reach His Full Potential.

You Know, I Think You're Right.

Ahem!

Umm...

Hey, Dad, How You Doing?

We Were Just Getting Ready For Our Study Group.

What, Linguistics?

Is It Okay If I Go And Get A Snack?

Sure, Go Ahead.

Would You Bring Some Ice Water Back For My Son?

I Meant To Put A Stop Light There

So I Wouldn't Walk In On Anything.

It's Not What You Think.

We're Having A Serious Discussion Group Over.

In Fact, Howard's Coming.

Howard?

Howard Must Be From Another Planet.

The Professors Don't Know What To Do With Him.

He's Pulling Hard A-Pluses In Every Subject.

I Love Howard.

Check Out How Howard Studies.

When He's Reading A Book

And There's A Footnote That Mentions Another Book

Howard Reads The Other Book.

Ooh, Howard.

He Writes A Three-Page Summary On That Book For Himself.

He Even Puts Footnotes On That.

The Man Is A Legend.

He Almost Has An Odor.

Whoo!

( Doorbell )

The Legend Arrives.

Hey, Howard.

Yo, Theo.

Have Any Problem Getting Here?

I Got Lost.

But Some Of Our Greatest Discoveries

Emerge From A State Of Being Lost.

Theo: Is Being Found A State

That Can Only Be Entered By Those Who Are Lost?

Oh, Existential, My Brother.

Not To Mention Pragmatic.

I Want You To Meet My Dad, Dr. Huxtable.

This Is Howard.

Nice To Meet You.

Yes, Sir, My Pleasure.

Are You A Doctor Of Medicine Or Philosophy?

Officially, Medicine.

But I'm Always Searching For Truth And What Is Real.

Because The Real Is Rational And What Is Rational Is Real.

George Wilhelm Friedrich Hagel.

Ooh, The Boy Is Mean.

How Did You Know That, Dad?

I Think, Therefore I Am.

Descartes, Ontologist.

Deal With It.

Hi, Howard.

Hi, Justine.

I Thought You Were Bring Julia.

You Said We'd Finally Meet Her.

You Will.

I Asked Her To Be On Time.

A Stitch In Time Saves Nine.

Actually That Saying Is Derived From The Roman Poet Ovid

Who Wrote, "Venienti Occurrite Morbo."

Ooh...

Speak The Latin.

Speak The Latin, My Friend.

I Have To Go Downstairs

But I Will Be Right Back

Which Is A Dimension Of Time, As Opposed To Right Now.

( Doorbell )

I'll Get It.

Is This The Huxtable Residence?

Huxtable Residence?

Uh, Yeah... Huxtable Residence.

Hi, Julia.

Howard, I'm Sorry I'm Late.

Hey, No Problem.

I'm Very Glad You Made It.

To Discuss Philosophy

Which Is Why We're All Here, Right?

Let's Get Started.

We Can Go Upstairs And Start Discussing Philosophy.

That Is Why We're All Here.

Oh, Julia, Have You Met Justine?

Hey, Hey, Where You Going?

We're Going To My Room To Discuss Philosophy.

Well, Make Sure Everybody's Vertical.

Hey, Dad.

Whoo, Look Out, Big Train.

How Long Are You Going To Carry This Around?

Give It Up, Give It Up, I Said.

Hi, Dad.

Hey, What's Happening?

Honey, Sit Down.

No, No.

Elvin, If I Sit Down There, I'm Never Going To Get Up.

Do The Thing, Man.

There You Go.

All Right.

You See, Elvin

A Woman In That Situation--

They Sit On A Sofa Like This, They Can't Get Out Of It.

Everybody's Left, And They're Still Sitting There.

She's Going To Deliver Any Second Now.

Elvin, I Am Not.

You Had A Contraction In The Car.

It Was A Pre-Labor Contraction.

I've Had These For The Last Two Days.

Elvin Has Rushed Me To The Hospital Three Times.

I'm Timing It, Dad.

Since The Last One, It's Been Eight Minutes And 38 Seconds.

If The Next One Comes In Below 15 Minutes

Then You've Got Something To Work With.

Eight Minutes, 48... 49.

Is Mom Here?

In The Kitchen.

There You Go.

You Okay, Honey?

Yes, I'm Fine.

You All Right?

Put Your Arms Out.

Don't Open The Door With It.

Sometimes I Feel Like I'm Going To Be Pregnant Forever.

Your First Child Always Makes You Suffer The Most.

Hey, I Was Your Firstborn.

I Know.

All Right.

Hi, Mom.

I'm Sorry I Left You Alone.

It Was Only For 36 Seconds.

Are You Okay?

Yes, I'm Fine.

Any Pains?

Yes, You.

Good, Good.

Ohh.

I Need To Lie Down.

Don't Let Her Lie Down!

Mom, Please.

Don't Let Her.

I Need To Lie Down.

Honey, Stay Up.

Do Your Job, Boy.

All Right, Hold Her.

I Think This... What Time?

10 Minutes, 38 Seconds.

A Contraction?

It's Time!

The Car...

I'm A Father!

Elvin, Honey, Please!

One Step At A Time.

I Will Call Dr. Taylor And Get Everything All Set Up.

Clair: Yes, I Agree.

Now Remember, You Promised Us

No Special Treatment At The Hospital.

I'll Have Them Set Up A Tent In The Parking Lot.

Uhh... I'll Get The Car!

Do You Have Your Bags Packed?

It's In The Trunk.

Elvin Packed It The Day He Found Out I Was Pregnant.

Are You All Right?

Oh, Baby.

Oh, My Baby!

Come On!

( Car Pulling Away )

Wait A Minute...

Elvin!

Elvin!

Elvin, You Forgot Your Wife!

Mrs. Tibideaux, You'll Come With Me To The Room. @Uú @.U@&Amp;Bb U@B@L @@@@"@Júb@(@&Amp;@@ U

Mr. Tibideaux, You Can Fill Out The Forms With The Nurse.

Mr. Tibideaux?

Mr. Tibideaux, Will You Please Let Go?

Honey, It's Okay.

Yeah?

Okay.

Bye-Bye, Honey.

Bye.

Thank You.

Don't Start Without Me.

Right.

Uh-Huh.

Hmm, I Know.

Okay, Bye.

Fill Out The Forms.

I Need To Fill Out Some Forms.

I Have To Fill Out Some Forms, Too.

I'm Sorry, Pal, I'm Going First.

My Wife's Having A Baby.

My Wife's Having A Baby, Too.

My Wife.

She's Still In The Car.

Can You Believe Some People?

Let Me Help You Answer The Questions.

Name?

Tibideaux, Sondra.

Your First Name Is Sondra?

That's My Wife's Name.

What's Your Name?

Tibideaux, Elvin.

T-I-B-I-D-E-A-U-X.

Insurance?

Yes.

What's The Name

Of Your Insurance?

Ah... Medical.

What's The Name Of The Company That Issues Your Insurance?

It's In My Wallet.

I Don't Have My Wallet.

Is It Blue Cross, North West, Continental?

Yes.

Continental.

No.

Wait A Minute, I Can't Remember.

It's The One With The Buffalo On The Commercial.

Buffalo?

Yes.

No.

It's A... Moose.

Or... An Elk.

It Has Four Legs; It's Dependable.

What's More Dependable--

A Moose Or An Elk?

( Clock Ticking )

( Tapping Fingers In Time With Clock )

( Tap, Tap, Tap )

Well, It's Working.

I'll Tell You.

This Is The First Time I've Been On This Side

In A Long, Long Time.

We Just Have To Sit Here And Wait.

And Wait.

Sondra And Elvin Don't Want Us At The Hospital.

That's All Right. I Can Understand That.

I Know How We Felt.

Remember?

Long Time Ago.

That's It.

Let's Hit It.

I Can't Breathe.

I Think My Heart Has Stopped.

Try To Relax And Breathe Slowly.

Elvin's Hyperventilating.

Mom, Dad, I'm Glad You're Here.

I'm Sorry You Have To See Me Like This.

Elvin, You'll Be Fine.

Do What The Nurse Says.

Why Did This Have To Happen?

I Wanted To Be Strong For Sondra.

It's Okay, Elvin.

This Happens To A Lot Of Fathers

Although I've Never Seen A Case This Severe.

Dad, I Hope You're Not Disappointed In Me.

Just Breathe In The Bag, Son.

Yes, Sir.

Thank You, Sir.

Dad, Elvin Will Be Fine, Really.

How Are You?

Good.

I'm A Little Nervous.

You Have Every Right To Be.

But Your Doctor's Here, And You're Ready For This.

You Know What I Said About Not Wanting You Here?

Yes.

I'm Glad You Didn't Listen.

Hey, Folks, I Think I'm Okay Now.

Look, I'm Breathing.

Oh, God.

I've Never Breathed This Well In All My Life.

It Feels Great To Be Alive.

Oooh!

Contraction!

Miss Mckechnie

Will You Please Call For The Anesthesiologist?

I Think We're Ready For Delivery.

Please Do Whatever Dr. Taylor Says.

I'm Sorry.

Thank You.

Miss Mckechnie

Please Do Everything The Good Doctor Said.

May I Say Something?

The Father Is A Wreck

And The Grandfather Is A Nuisance.

I Think People Should Go Into The Hall

So You Can Do Your Work.

Elvin, Cliff, Get Out.

But We're Having A Baby.

Elvin, Get Out.

Go Collect Yourself So You Can Come Back.

Breathe In The Bag, Boy.

Okay, Howard, Let Me Pose This Question.

If One Person Breaks A Promise

Is It Okay For Everyone To Break A Promise?

According To Kant's Categorical Imperative

It Doesn't Matter What The Circumstances Are.

A Moral Action Must Hold True Universally.

That's Exactly What I Had In My Notes.

Really?

Why Don't You Read To Us What You Had In Your Notes?

Read To You?

( Doorbell )

I'll Get It.

I Tried To Read Theo's Notes.

Forget About It.

Hey, Kenny.

Is Rudy Here?

She's At The Bronx Zoo With Carolyn's Family.

Can I Wait?

Sure, Why Not?

Kara And Vanessa Are Upstairs.

Hang Out With Them.

I'll Hang Out With You.

I Have Some Friends Over, And We're Studying Philosophy.

I'll Sit There And Listen.

I'm Trained To Be Seen And Not Heard.

All Right.

Come On.

What's The Gift?

A Christmas Present For Rudy.

I Do My Shopping Early.

Theo, Do You Have Any More Note Pads?

I'll Bring One In With Me.

Thanks.

Who's That?

Julia.

Now That's A Woman.

This Is Kenny.

He's Going To Hang Out With Us.

Hi.

Hi.

I'm Rudy's Friend, But We're Not Serious.

What Did I Miss?

We Were Discussing

The Tendencies For All Civilizations

To Oppress Other Civilizations.

You Mean "Man's Inhumanity To Man?"

Or Woman.

Why Do People Always Say "Man?"

Why Can't It Be People's Inhumanity To People?

It's A Given That Saying "Man" Includes Woman.

Society Is Geared To Think Of Men First And Then Women.

And All These Philosophers That We're Talking About Are Men.

Until Recent History

All The Great Thinkers Were Men.

That's Because Women Weren't Seen As Equals.

I'm Sure There Were Women Who Were Even More Brilliant

Than Those Men.

All We Have To Go By Are These Brilliant Essays

Written By Men.

They Probably Had Their Girlfriends Type Them.

We're Turning This Whole Thing

Into A Man Versus Woman Discussion.

Of Course We Are.

Sexism Has Been Around Forever.

I Agree.

Take This Little Boy Here.

He Probably Already Has Some Preconceived Ideas About Women.

Kenny, You've Heard Us Talking.

What's Your Opinion?

I'd Never Let A Woman Type A Paper.

She Should Be Cooking My Dinner.

Scoop.

Make Sure The Legs Are Over Here.

Keep The Head From Falling All Over.

There's No Way I'll Learn This.

You're Being Too Hard On Yourself.

Dad, All The Evidence Is There.

I Almost Fainted In The Labor Room.

I Almost Fainted When She Had A Contraction.

What Was Most Embarrassing...

On The Way Here In The Car

I Had To Pull Over And Let Her Drive.

You Just Need Time.

That's Easy For You To Say After Five Times.

You're The World's Most Perfect Father.

Elvin, I Wouldn't Say That.

Not Perfect... I Hear What Your Kids Say.

But Still...

You Hear My Kids Say What?

It's Little Things, Nothing Big.

Little Things What?

Like You're Kind Of Stubborn And Never Admit Your Mistakes.

You're Tight With Money.

You Always...

That's Enough.

But, Dad, They Really Love You.

That's What I'm Saying.

Your Children Will Love You, Too.

What If I Make Some Horrible Mistake Raising It?

It's This Little Defenseless Person.

What If I Do Something That Makes It Sick?

Elvin, Don't Worry About It.

You Just Have To Realize That This Is A Human Being.

Go With The Flow.

Elvin, The Doctor Says It's Going To Be Soon.

Soon?

Yes, Soon.

Get In There.

Let's Hit It, My Man.

I Can't Believe It, But I'm Ready.

We're Not Hitting It?

They're Going To Hit It.

But I'm A Doctor.

You Don't Understand.

They Can Do This By Themselves.

They Don't Want Dad In The Room?

Darlin', We'll Have To Sit Here Like Everybody Else.

Scoop.

Do You Remember That?

Let Me See It Again.

Grab The Legs.

Wah, Wah.

And Scoop.

We'll Have To Do That, I'll Bet You.

Yes, Indeed.

We'll Have To Reach Down.

It Will Be Our Grandchild.

It Will Be A Boy.

You're Sure?

Named After Me.

It Might Be A Girl Named After Me.

Still Named After Me.

Heathcliff Female.

Reach Right On Down.

This Is Your Granddad.

Scoop.

Hello.

You're Going To Hillman.

Put A Big H On Your Forehead.