Original subtitles

You Better Get The Potatoes Started.

Mom And Dad Will Be Here Soon.

I'm On It.

One Order Of Sauteed Potatoes Coming Up.

Oh, Baby, The Table Setting Looks Fabulous.

I Like To Make Things Extra Special

When Mom And Dad Come Over.

Honey, Look!

Ahh, The Potatoes!

( Knocking )

That's Mom And Dad.

Hello, Hello!

Just A Minute!

( Knocking )

Come In!

Cliff: What's Going On?

Hey!

Mom, Dad.

What's The Matter?

What Do You Got?

Hi. Come On In.

Looks Like We'll Have To Eat Out Tonight.

A Little Grease Fire.

Nothing Ruined.

You're In For A Delicious Meal.

Let's Get A Little Air In Here.

Elvin: Dad...

Let Me Give You A Hand.

There's A Little Trick To That.

Hammer Here.

One... Two... Three, Four.

Hand Me The Phone.

The Phone?

Yeah.

Thanks A Lot.

Now Why Didn't I Think Of That?

Mom And Dad, Look Around.

You Notice Anything Different?

Umm...

Oh, Your Neighbors Across The Way Have New Curtains.

Come On, You're Not Looking Close Enough.

Okay.

Come On.

♪ Ta-Da! ♪

This Is The Baby's Room.

The Baby's Room.

Behind A Screen.

This Way The Baby Has Privacy...

( Crying Like A Baby )

...And We Have Privacy.

If You Get Enough Of These Chinese Screens

You Could Turn This Into A Nine-Room Apartment.

Why Doesn't Everyone Sit Down?

I'll Help You Serve.

Help Me, Because The Last Time I Was Here

Wherever I Sat, Something Fell Apart.

It's Not Like That Anymore.

Pick A Seat.

What About The Arm On This One?

I Remember This Arm...

But This Is...

You See What I Did?

I Took An Arm From Another Chair To Fix This Chair.

Yes, You Did.

Why Are The Wires Hanging Out Of The Wall?

This Is Another One Of My Repairs.

This Used To Be Three Bare Wires

But I Put An Outlet On It.

I Can Plug An Air Conditioner In Here Now.

You Can Put An Air Conditioner There

If You Get A Window.

Oh.

Shouldn't The Landlord Be Doing The Electrical Work?

I Called Mr. Reeder About Six Times

But It's Like Wasting Your Time

So I Figured I'd Do It.

Keep At Him.

Lots Of Landlords Try Getting Out Of Doing Repairs.

Well, Bon Appetit.

Okay.

What Kind Of Meat Was This?

That's Veal. We Splurged.

How Long Did You Cook It, Son?

Uh... Six Hours.

Elvin, Veal Only Takes About An Hour To Cook.

Our Stove Only Goes Up To 95 Degrees.

I Cook It A Few Extra Hours

And Then I Zap It In The Microwave

To Seal In The Juices.

You Cooked This For Eight Hours

And Then Put It In The Microwave?

How About Some Hot Dogs?

I Can Pop Them In The Microwave.

Hot Dog!

Get With The Hot Dogs.

Make My Done.

Coming Up.

Okay.

Mom, Have A Roll, They're Homemade.

Thank You, Sweetie.

Yeah.

These Are Potatoes, Aren't They?

All Right.

Sort Of Cajun Style.

A Cajun Experiment.

Burned On The Outside...

And, Uh...

Raw On The Inside.

Crispy, Dad.

They're Crispy On The Inside.

I Got To Wash This Stuff Down.

Wash It Down With A Glass Of Water.

( Pipes Banging )

Cliff: Hey!

Look Out There.

That Happens When Someone Takes A Shower

On The Third Floor.

I Can Believe It.

I'll Send This To The Lab In The Morning.

You're Paying Rent And Having A Baby.

You Need Clean Water.

We're Getting Bottled Water.

( Explosion )

Dive! Dive! Dive!

It's All Right, Mom, Dad.

Come Up, Dad,

It's The Hot Dogs-- They Exploded.

Elvin: It's Not Like I Don't Know How To Use This Thing

But We Have These Power Surges All The Time.

Well, We Invented Something-- Wiener Bits.

Elvin, Call The Landlord And Ask Him To Come Down Here Right Now.

He's Probably Having Dinner.

Come Here, Elvin.

Call The Landlord!

I See A Lot Of Cases Of Landlord Neglect.

You Have To Stay On Them.

Hello, Mr. Reeder?

Yes, It's Elvin Tibideaux.

Five-B.

Yeah, Hi.

We're Having Problems With The Water And Pipes

The Electricity And Some Other Things, Too.

I Was Wondering, Could You...

I Mean, Is It Possible If You Could Maybe Come Up?

No, That's Fine.

Next Week Is Okay.

Tell Him Your Mother-In-Law Is Here

And She's An Attorney.

My Mother-In-Law, Who Is Here Now

Would Like You To Know That She's An Attorney.

Oh, Great.

Great, Thanks.

Thanks A Lot.

Bye-Bye.

He's Coming Right Up.

Mom, Please, When He Comes Here

Let Us Handle It.

Well, Of Course.

This Is Your Home.

( Tuba Music )

Elvin: That's Fritz.

He Plays Tuba In A Polka Band.

Does He Play Often?

Only During The Day.

Sometimes We Move The Furniture And Dance.

( Knocking )

Hi, Mr. Reeder.

Evening, Mr. Tibideaux, Mrs. Tibideaux.

I'd Like You To Meet My In-Laws.

My Father-In-Law

Dr. Huxtable.

My Mother-In-Law, The Attorney.

I Got Here As Fast As I Could.

Mr. Reeder, We Need To Discuss Something With You.

The Brown Water... We Don't Want It Anymore.

But I Have Explained That To You.

The Entire Building Needs A Plumbing Overhaul.

If I Do That, I Have To Raise Everyone's Rents.

Can You Fix That Window?

Okay, That I Can Do.

( Beep Beep Beep )

That's My Beeper, I Got To Go.

That Guy Works Too Hard.

Every Time He's Here, He Gets Beeped.

He Has Somebody Beep Him To Give Him An Excuse To Leave.

You Think So?

He Should Be Reported To The Housing Authorities.

The Papers Will Be On My Desk Monday Morning

Because I Don't Want My Grandchild

Growing Up In This Place--

Sticking His Fingers In Sockets

Drinking Brown Water From Behind That Screen.

You Need To Think About The Child Being Able To Sleep

Through The Night Without People Showering

And The Sink Attacking The Child.

Are You Saying I Can't Take Care Of My Own Child?

That's Not What I'm Saying.

You Implied It.

You Look Like You're Going To Knock Somebody Down.

That's Not What I Implied.

Could We Not Do This?

She's Pregnant And Shouldn't Get Upset.

Everybody Needs To Settle Down

So That We Can State Calmly What We Want To Say.

I Want To Say, Very Calmly

The Two Of You Should Very Seriously Consider

Getting Out Of This Apartment.

If It's A Problem Of Money, Moving To A New Place...

Mom, Dad, We've Told You Many Times Before

We Insist On Supporting Ourselves.

We Appreciate Your Offer, But No Thank You.

Okay, Fine.

Then Stay Here.

Okay, Fine.

We Will.

Fine.

Fine.

Brown Water Coming Out Of The Faucet.

A Microwave

That Gives Power Surges

And Turns Veal Into Rubber Tires.

I Looked Out The Window.

A Pigeon On The Ledge Was Looking At Me Going...

You Should See Them When They're In This Place.

They Love It.

They Say It Has "Character."

You Won't Get Those Two Out Of That Apartment.

Russell Is Right.

You Have A Daughter Who Is As Muleheaded As You Were.

I Always Told You That Some Day You'd Have A Child

That Frustrated You Like You Frustrated Me.

I'm Glad I'm Around To See It.

But I'm Not The Issue Here.

Anna: You Are The Issue.

She Learned All She Knows About Stubbornness From You.

Mom...

Don't "Mom" Me.

I Remember It Clearly.

You Were In Med School.

Clair Was Carrying Sondra.

You Lived In A One-Room Apartment

Over A Trucking Company.

Anna: I Always Said To You

"Heathcliff, Let Your Father And Me Help You."

But You Were Too Proud.

The Original Mulehead.

It Was Homey And Clair Loved It.

When Did I Ever Say I Loved It?

Huh?

When Did I Ever Say I Loved It?

I Said I Would Live In It Because I Loved You.

It Was A Dump.

So, Denise, How's It Been Going?

I'm Here To Talk About You Guys.

Well, What's Up?

I Heard You Guys Had A Fight With Mom And Dad.

Yeah, We Did.

I've Been Behind You Guys 100%.

When You Dropped Out Of Law School, Med School

I Thought, "That's Great.

They're Deciding To Live Their Own Lives."

When You Told Me

That You Wanted To Open A Wilderness Store

I Thought, "It's A Little Flaky

But Those Wacky Kids Might Make It Work."

But When Mom And Dad Told Me That You Turned Down

Their Offer To Help You Move Into A Better Apartment

I Thought, "They're Nuts."

Come On, Pack Up, Move.

Wait A Minute.

Did Mom And Dad Put You Up To This?

No.

They Don't Know I'm Here.

We Like Our Apartment, Even If You Don't.

I'm Not Putting Down Your Apartment.

It's Got Character, It's Charming

But You Can't Act Like Children For The Rest Of Your Lives.

It's Time To Grow Up.

Who Are You Telling To Grow Up?

You Dropped Out Of School.

When Mom And Dad Wanted You To Go Back

You Wouldn't Listen.

That Is Because, In My Case, Mom And Dad

Didn't Make Any Sense.

They Know What They're Talking About Here.

You Guys Are Having A Baby.

A Little Bambino.

Another Life.

Would You Actually Consider Raising A Kid In This Place?

Denise, As Long As We Love This Child

It Doesn't Matter Where We Raise It.

As Soon As This Kid Can Talk, It Will Say

"Call Me A Taxi."

I Don't Remember A More Difficult Time.

Every Time I Turn Around, A Kid Has Bad News.

Well, Hello, Everybody!

Oh, Lord.

Grandma, Grandpa.

I'm Glad You're Here For This.

There Are Some People In The Living Room

Who Have Something To Say To You.

Don't Say Anything.

Just Follow Me.

I Know What This Is About.

She's Told All The Children To Drop Out Of School

And They're Making An Album Called

"Parents Don't Know What They're Doing".

Hi. Hi.

Denise: Let's Get Started.

Something Happened Last Night

That Involved Bad Feelings Between Members Of This Family

So It's Appropriate

That We Kick Off This Meeting With Some Apologies.

Sondra? Elvin?

We're Sorry.

We're Very Sorry.

Denise: Mom? Dad?

Sondra Just Apologized.

We Accept.

Dad, I Told Sondra And Elvin

That I'd Be Able To Get You Guys To Apologize.

That's Your Problem.

We Apologize.

We Are Very Sorry That We Had Words Last Night.

Cliff?

What?

Right.

Mom And Dad, We Came Over

Because We Agree That For The Baby's Sake

We Need A New Apartment.

All Right!

Oh.

We Need To Borrow Money

So That We Can Get A Larger Place In Better Shape.

We're Happy To Hear That.

And We'd Like To Give You The Conditions

Under Which We Will

Borrow The Money.

You're Going To Tell Us The Conditions

Under Which You're Going To Borrowour Money?

Dad, Just Hear Them Out.

Number One, You Have To Charge Interest.

You Better Believe That.

If We Don't Pay You Back Within One Year

You Charge Us A Five Percent Penalty.

I Can Think Of Even Better Than That.

And We Offer You As Collateral

All Of Our Furniture.

What Else You Got?

Just Our Word.

That's Better Than The Furniture.

It's A Deal.

Perhaps You Should Shake On This.

All Right.

Consider Shook.

Elvin, If I Were You

I Would Have Insisted On One More Term.

What's That?

At No Time Can Cliff Hold It Over You

That You Owe Him.

Yeah.

It's Too Late.

We Already Shook On It.

Hey, What's Everybody Doing?

Sondra And Elvin Are Moving.

Where?

We Don't Know Yet.

We're Looking.

There's An Apartment I Saw Today.

It Would Be Perfect For You.

It Was Understood That You Would Live In A Dorm.

Oh, Well, I Wasn't Officially Looking At The Apartment.

I Couldn't Resist The Ad In The Paper

So I Checked It Out.

It's Circled.

"Bachelor Pleasure Den, Young Singles Building..."

No, No, No.

No, No, No.

Elvin, The Other One That's Circled.

Ah, Yeah.

"One Bedroom, Family Building."

Honey, Look.

We Should Go Check It Out.

I'm All For That.

Let's Get To The Station Wagon.

I'll Stay Here.

I Don't Want To See It

Till Someone Assures Me It Won't Give Me Nightmares.

"And Then Marlo Myers, Famous Girl Detective

"Looked The Evil Scientist In The Eye And Said...

"'I'm Not Afraid Of You, Dr. Dread.

I Have The Truth On My Side.'"

"Dr. Dread Took A Step Forward And Laughed Evilly.

"'Heh-Heh-Heh-Heh.'

"Then Marlo Myers Picked Up An Ancient Egyptian Vase

"And Said...

"'We'll See Who Laughs Last

""When You Get This Between The Eyes.

Heh-Heh-Heh.'"

Hey.

Hey, Grandpa.

Hey, Grandpa.

Where's Everybody Else?

They Are At Sondra And Elvin's Packing Boxes.

They've Taken The Apartment?

They Loved It.

Everybody Flipped Out When They Walked In.

Even Dad Admitted I Came Through.

What's It Like?

It's Nothing Spectacular.

The Water's Clean.

They Get Power All The Time.

You Know What I Mean?

Nothing Is Making Noises.

And The Pigeon On The Windowsill Said...

Let's Have A Toast.

Let's Lift

Our Glasses High

And Honor Sondra, Elvin, And Their New Apartment.

Hear! Hear!

Let's Have A Toast

To The Fact That Sondra And Elvin

Are Moving To A Place With Clear Water.

( Knocking )

I Wonder Who That Could Be.

Mr. Reeder, Hi.

I Have A Couple

Who Are Interested In The Apartment.

Could I Show It To Them?

Does Anyone Mind?

Bring Them In.

Mr. And Mrs. Jenkins, This Way, Please.

Sorry For Intruding.

Hi.

Well, Here You Are.

This Is Nice.

I Know.

We've Seen A Lot Of Places

But Nothing Comes Close To This.

You're Interested?

We'll Take It.

Let's Go Down To My Office

And You Can Sign The Lease.

Umm, Sweetie Pie

The Furniture Really Goes With The Apartment.

It's Eclectic Funk.

I Wonder If They're Taking It With Them.

It Doesn't Hurt To Ask.

Excuse Us.

We Were Wondering If You'd Consider

Selling Us Your Furniture.

We Were Thinking Of Taking It With Us.

No, You Weren't.

Make Us An Offer.

Is $200 Fair?

Ten Dollars.

We Just Graduated From Yale A Week Ago.

Your Parents Must Be Tickled.

Yeah. They Are.

Nobody Could Be Happier For You Than Me.

Let's Go Downstairs.

Thank You.

Bye-Bye.

Oh, What About That Cracked Window?

It Will Be Fixed By The End Of The Week.

You'll Be Gone, Too.