Original subtitles

Hi, Daddy.

Hey, I Just Finished Your Sandwich For Lunch.

Would You Like A Pickle?

I Can't Eat All That.

I'm Just A Little Person.

Well, Why Don't You Show Dad How Much You'd Like To Take?

Only About That Much.

Is That It?

All Right, Dad Will Cut That For You.

There You Are, My Dear

And I'll Just Have A Small Piece Of What's Left For Myself.

Is It Possible That When We Leave

You'll Inhale That Whole Thing?

No.

Dad Made Me Bacon Yesterday.

He Ate So Much Of It I Only Got One Slice.

When He Took Me And Peter To The Park

He Bought Each Of Us An Ice Cream Cone

And Took Big Bites Out Of Them.

That's Dad.

Then Bought Himself A Giant Banana Split.

It Wasn't A Giant.

Uh-Huh, Four Scoops.

That's A Medium.

Theo: Denise, You Are So Lucky

To Be Working At A Record Company.

No Big Deal.

It Happens Every Day.

Whoa, All Right.

Thanks, Dad.

Guess Who's Coming To Denise's Record Company Today?

Quincy Jones.

He's Famous.

Quincy Jones

Is The Hottest Record Producer In The Business.

I Know Who Quincy Jones Is.

Is He Really Coming In Today?

People Like Him Come In All The Time.

Tina Turner Came In Yesterday.

Wow!

Dad, Tina Turner...

I Know Who Tina Turner Is.

I Knew Tina Turner

When She Was Rolling On The River.

What's She Really Like?

She's Really Down-To-Earth

And I Enjoyed Talking To Her.

You Talked To Her?

What Did You Talk About?

I Brought Coffee And She Said

"This Is Good. Thanks."

Vanessa: She's A Beautiful Person.

Hey, Thanks, Dad.

Denise, I Don't Know How You Can Keep Your Cool

When You're Around All These Superstars.

I've Got To Get To Work.

Can I Drop You Guys At School?

Could We Go To The Studio And Meet Quincy, Too?

No, You're Not Going To Any Studio.

You've All Lost Your Mind.

You Drive Them To School

And Only Talk About Math And English.

Bye, Mom.

Bye, Mom.

I Can't Finish This.

Good.

All Right.

So I'll Just Take It To School.

Thanks, Dad.

Bye, Mom.

Clair: Bye, Sweetie.

Cliff, What Are You Doing?

Uh... Just Going To Put A Grapefruit On This.

Grapefruit--

Health, Dear.

The Last Time You Had Grapefruit

You'd Been On A Food Binge All Weekend.

Have You Seen Me Eat Anything You Think I Shouldn't Have?

No, But I Didn't See The Sun Come Up In China

But I Know It's There.

Dr. Herbert's Office Called To Remind You

Of Your Physical Tomorrow.

Ah, I Forgot About That Physical.

You're Supposed To Fast For 12 Hours Before

So Your System Is Clean For The Blood Test.

I Know I'm Supposed To Fast 12 Hours Before.

I Am A Doctor.

But The Best Doctors Make The Worst Patients.

Eat On, Doc.

Hey, Dad.

Hey.

What Are You Doing?

Cleansing Out My System.

I Have Something Here Your System Will Enjoy

Much More Than Carrots And Celery.

I Went Down To Your Office

And I Got The Other Half Of The Cheesecake

We Were Eating This Weekend.

Oh, Boy, That Really Looks Good.

Want Some?

It's Even Better The Second Day.

No.

No, I Can't Do That.

I've Got A Physical Tomorrow.

I've Got To Flush All Of The Fatty Foods

Out Of My System.

Oh, Fine.

I'll Just Polish It Off Myself.

No, No, No.

No, After Tomorrow

I Can Eat Anything I Want.

I Just Don't Want The Blood Test To Show Anything

Because Your Mother Will Know What I've Been Eating.

You're Afraid Of Her

Aren't You?

We Can Discuss That Later.

Right Now, Four Glasses Of Water Calls.

Dad, Wait.

I Have To Talk To You.

Make It Quick.

I Hear You're Having A Physical Tomorrow.

Yeah.

Wait, Daddy.

What?

They Use A Needle For The Blood Test, Right?

Right.

You Know What I Do When I Get A Shot?

What?

When The Doctor Says

"I'm Putting The Needle In"

I Fill My Mouth With Air

And When He Sticks Me, I Let It All Out

And Pretend I'm A Balloon.

I'll Remember That.

Daddy, Wait.

What?

If You Don't Pass The Physical Tomorrow

Will We Have To Put You In A Home?

Not Yet.

Cliff?

Hmm?

Here's The Herbal Tea You Wanted.

Thank You.

The Final Stage Of Flushing My System.

Hi.

Hey, How Was The Day With Quincy Jones?

I Wouldn't Know.

Oh?

I Only Saw The Back Of His Head.

They Rushed Him Into The Studio And Shut The Door.

About Six Hours Later, My Boss Comes Out And Says

"Denise, We're Going To Lunch At The Four Seasons.

Please Make Reservations."

I Said, "That's Great. I've Never Been There."

He Sort Of Laughed In My Face

And Said, "You're Not Going Anywhere.

You're Staying Here And Answering Phones."

I've Been There Three Weeks

And I'm Still Doing The Same Job.

I'm As Good At Answering Phones And Making Coffee

As I'm Going To Get.

You Should Keep At It.

When You Do It Well

People Notice And Move You To The Next Level.

These People Only Notice Mistakes.

What Mistakes Have You Made?

Hundreds Of Phone Calls Come In Every Day.

It's Impossible To Keep Them All Straight.

Like Yesterday

This Producer Gets This Phone Call

And The Last Four Digits Were Like 8-3-2-4

And I Wrote Down 8-2-4-3, Right?

All The Digits Were There.

I Mean, Big Deal.

This Man Has A Conniption.

I Dial All The Combinations And Get The Number Right.

Does That Stop Him From Yelling?

Since I've Been There

I've Gotten Maybe A Thousand Phone Calls

And I've Gotten Only 20... 25 Of Them Wrong.

Does Anyone Congratulate Me For The 975 That I Got Right?

I'm Going Upstairs To Take A Hot Bath.

Charlene Called.

She'll Be Up Till 10:30.

Oh, You Mean Charlotte?

Yeah, Charlotte.

Thank You, Mom.

I Appreciate It.

See, I'm Grateful When Someone

Gives Me A Message.

And When I Correct Them, I'm Polite.

Are These People At Work Polite Or Grateful?

No, They're Too Busy Having Lunch

Eating Lobster At The Four Seasons.

They Want To Keep Me Down.

They're Afraid Of Me.

When She Said She Wasn't Going Back To College

I Said, "Denise, I Don't Think This Is A Wise Decision."

She Said, "Dad, Please, I Know What I'm Doing."

I Want To Go Upstairs, Really I Do

And I Want To Walk Up To Her And Say

"I Told You So."

No, You Don't Do That.

Could I Just Write On A Piece Of Paper

"I Told You So."

Slide It Under The Bathroom Door?

No.

Can I Rent An Airplane

And Have A Sign On The Back Of It

And Pull It Across The Window

And Say, "I Told You So."

You Eat Your Grapefruit.

I'm Going To Finish My Grapefruit.

I'm Going To Take The Seeds Up To The Hallway.

I'm Going To Line Up Every Seed And Spell Out

"I Told You So."

I'm Going To Go

To The Pet Store

And I'm Buying A Parrot

And I'm Going To Teach It To Say

"Awk, I Told You So."

"Awk, I Told You So."

Well...

I See An Old Man Ready To Get On The Treadmill.

Old Man, Huh?

When I Finish This, I'll Take You Outside

And We'll Do A 200-Meter Run.

I'll End Up Doing C.P.R. On You.

Yeah, Right, Cliff.

Do You Always Carry On Like This?

Ever Since We've Been Interns Together.

You Need Some Help Getting On The Treadmill, Pops?

Hey, No, Wait.

Don't Turn The Thing On.

What Is The Matter With You?

You Know You Shouldn't Stand On The Machine Like That.

I Deal With Pregnant Women.

I Don't Put Pregnant Women On A Thing Like This.

Mrs. Young, What Was Dr. Huxtable's Blood Pressure?

140 Over 80.

Right On The Money.

Oh, Yeah, Definitely.

We Start You Off Slow And Easy.

Then We Gradually Increase The Speed And Level Of Incline.

If You Feel Chest Pains Or Real Heavy Fatigue

Just Give Us A Signal.

All Right.

Hit It.

Take It To The Next Level.

Oh, We're Really Burning Now.

Why Don't You Go Ahead And Do Something Else?

I'll Call You When The Machine Is Burned Up.

How You Feeling?

Perfect.

No Problems?

Want To Keep Going?

Yeah.

How Long Have I Been Up On This Thing?

Seven Minutes.

Anybody Else Been On It This Long?

Yesterday A Man Went 14 Minutes.

How Old Was He?

Sixty-Three.

Sixty-Three?

Cliff, You Know How This Works.

When You Hear The Tone Indicate Which Ear By Raising That Hand.

All Done, Cliff.

How Did I Do?

You Only Missed Three Tones.

Three What?

Turn The Machine On Again.

Your Hearing Is Perfectly Normal For A Man Your Age.

I Don't Want Normal For My Age.

I Want To Catch Those Other Three.

Tell Me I Can't Catch The Three.

No, You Got Those Three

Plus Five That Weren't Even There.

In All Seriousness, What Kind Of Shape Am I In?

Overall, You're In Pretty Good Shape.

Good.

A Couple Of Things On Your Blood Test Concern Me.

I Know What It Is.

My Cholesterol Level Is Slightly High.

Right, And Because It Was High, I Had Them Do A Lipid Profile.

Your Triglycerides Are At 350.

Your L.D.L. Is At 160

And Your H.D.L. Is 40.

I Had A Little Binge.

What Kind Of Binge?

Over The Weekend...

I Have A Love For Hoagies.

I Take The Hoagie With The Cold Cuts

And Then I Put Potato Chips In The Middle

To Hear The Crunchy Sound.

Philadelphia Style.

Yes.

I Love It.

Don't Worry.

One Hoagie Does Not Constitute A Binge.

Four.

Four?

Four.

You Had Four Hoagies Over The Weekend?

No, On Saturday.

I Had Four On Saturday

With A Large Bottle Of Chocolate Soda

With Each Hoagie.

You Had Four Large Bottles Of Chocolate Soda?

Well, Five Really.

Then I Had Another One On Sunday

With A Half A Cheesecake.

You Ate A Half A Cheesecake?

Yeah, Well, See, I Have These Patients...

You Have Patients

And Some Of Them, You Know, They Bake Things For You

And This Woman Baked A Cheesecake For Me And...

Was It One Of Those Thick Cheesecakes

With The Strawberries On Top With The Crunchy Crust?

You Know What Else She Did?

She Made It So That The Swirl Went Around.

Mmm.

Then What You Think Is That

Your Cholesterol And Your Triglyceride Level

Might Have Been Affected By These Four Hoagies

Five Chocolate Sodas And The Half A Cheesecake?

And Then On Friday...

Cliff, You're A Doctor.

You Know Better Than That.

I Promise You The Next Time It Will Be Better.

I Know About Guys Like You.

You Say You'll Only Eat One Hoagie.

You'll Only Eat One Piece Of Cheesecake.

You Can't Stop.

You're Like That Wolf Who Eats His First Sheep From The Flock.

The Only Way To Stop Him Is To Shoot Him.

I Have Something To Ask You.

Go Ahead.

How Did Your Physical Go Today?

Well, I Mean What Is There To Say?

The Man Stuck Me.

He Jabbed Me

And Then He Poked Me

And Then He Said, "Tell Clair I Said Hello."

That's It?

( Knocking )

Who Is It?

It's Denise.

Is This A Bad Time?

Yes.

No, Come In And Talk.

Hi.

Something Incredible Happened To Me Today.

You Produced A Record With Quincy Jones And Tina Turner.

No, I Asked My Boss For A Promotion.

He Said, "You've Only Been Here Three Weeks."

I Said, "You're Not Using Me To My Full Capabilities.

You're Not Recognizing My True Talents."

Yeah.

And He Said, "You're Fired.

Get Out Of My Office."

This Is Your Incredible News?

Well, No.

I'm Not Done Yet.

I Went To This Restaurant And I Was Depressed.

I Was Eating By Myself

And I Ordered An Entire Pizza And A Milk Shake.

That Made Me Think Of Dad.

I Said, "What Would Dad Do If He Had Been Fired

And Had No Hope For The Future?"

He'd Have Gone To Medical School.

Exactly.

You'd Pick Yourself Up And Dust Yourself Off

Because You're A Huxtable.

I'm A Huxtable, And That's Exactly What I Did.

I Went To That Restaurant Manager And Said

"My Name's Denise And I Will Be The Best Waitress

That You Ever Had."

So I'm A Waitress.

Had Those Pizzas On Those Tables So Quick

I Made $20 In Tips Tonight.

I've Borrowed A Lot Of Money From You

So I Want You To Have My Tips.

We Can't Take Your $20.

You Want To Bet?

I Didn't Think You'd Really Take It.

I'll Put This Away In Some Kind Of An Account For You

'Cause I Know You'll Be Back.

I Don't Want You To Think I've Chosen This As My Final Career.

It's Temporary Until I Find Something More Permanent

In Fashion Or Music.

Good Night.

But I Would Not Be Surprised If A Record Producer

Or A Great Fashion Designer

Walked Into My Restaurant And Said

"I Like The Way You Deliver Those Pizzas.

Come Work For Me."

See You Later.

Well, Hope Springs Eternal.

Yes, As Long As You're Living With Your Parents.

Good Night, Clair.

You Haven't Answered My Question.

Yes, I Love You.

I Know

But The Question Is How Did Your Physical Go?

Before You Answer

You Should Know I Called Dr. Bradley Herbert Jr.'S Office

And Was Told You're Scheduled For Another Blood Test

In Three Months

And You're On A Strict Diet.

Things Are Not Good.

How "Not Good"?

Let's Put It This Way:

I'm Not Dead.

You Need Some Help?

Clair, My Levels Are Off, Honey.

My H.D.L., My L.D.L., My C.B.C.

I'll Help Your Levels.

Will You Help Me Burn My Lipids?

They Will Burn.

Will You Help Me Raise My H.D.L.?

They're On The Rise.

After That, Will You Lower My L.D.L.?

Cliff, Move Over Here P.D.Q. For Some T.N.T.