Original subtitles

Denise?

Are You Finished Packing?

Almost.

When Is Jennifer Picking You Up To Go To Hillman?

I'm Not Sure.

Theo, Any More Bags?

Just One More.

Move It Along.

Your Father's Bringing The Car Around Front.

That's Three Kids Out Of The House

And Two More To Go.

The Car's Out Front!

Bring Down The Latest Huxtable College Student!

Hurry Up!

He'll Be Down.

Ooh, Dear, Do You Realize That

We've Almost Reached Our Goal Of Zero Children In The House?

Theo's Room Is Going To Be Mine.

Speak On.

I'm Turning It Into My Office.

I'm Ready.

My Son!

Off To College.

Boy, I'm Proud Of You.

All Right, Let's Hit It.

Thanks, Dad.

I'll Help Take Out These Bags.

This Is Heavy.

Let Me Help.

No Problem.

I Got Lots Of Energy Today.

Strong Woman.

Strong Woman.

I Get The Feeling That You And Mom

Can't Wait To Get Me Out.

Aren't You Emotional?

We'll Miss You.

Get Your Bag.

Do You Have The Address Of The Dorm

You're Going To Stay In?

I Thought Someone Would Tell Us When We Got There.

You Didn't Get A Dorm Assignment In The Mail?

No, They Messed Up.

Jump On The Phone.

Call The Dorm Housing Department.

Tell Them We're On Our Way And Ask For Your Dorm Number.

This Is Theodore A. Huxtable.

I'm Arriving Today.

You Failed To Send My Dorm Assignment.

There You Go, College Student.

Using The Word "Fail" Already.

Could You Give It To Me, Please?

Yeah, Huxtable.

H-U-X...

T-A...

That's Impossible.

I Sent The Check Months Ago.

You Don't Have Any Record Of It.

Are You Sure?

Okay, Uh... Thanks.

I Don't Have A Dorm Room.

I Handed You The Check.

Did You Mail It?

How Could I Not Have Mailed It?

You Had On A Brown Leather Jacket.

I Gave You The Envelope.

You Took It And Put It In The Left-Hand Jacket Pocket.

I Said, "Son, Don't Forget To Mail This."

And You Said...

"No Problem."

And I Went Out And Mailed It.

I'm Almost Positive.

Dad...

My Socks Are Not Smelly!

They Smell Fine!

Your Nose Is Going To Fall Off.

Smell 'Em!

No!

Come On, Rudy! Smell It!

I Can't Believe You Couldn't Find A Dorm Room Anywhere.

I Tried.

I Even Pleaded With The Housing Director.

There's No Space Anywhere.

Smell My Sock.

Ooh! Rudy, Later.

This Is The Stupidest Thing You've Ever Done, Theo.

Sounds Like Trouble.

Let's Scope It Out.

Leave This Out Here.

Just Back Off, Denise.

It's My Problem, So I'll Deal With It.

This Doesn't Just Affect You.

This Ruins Things For Me.

Why? You're Going Back To Hillman.

No, I'm Not.

Yeah, Get Serious.

I'm Dropping Out Of School.

What?!

Yes, I'm Dropping Out.

No Way.

I Am.

Whoa, Big Trouble.

Why Didn't You Say Anything About This?

I Was Going To, But Then Theo Pulled This Stupid Stunt.

If You Weren't Going Back To School

Why Did You Pack Your Bags?

When I Tell Mom And Dad, Dad Will Throw Me Out.

Good. Then I'll Get My Room Back.

So Will I.

All You Can Think About Is Yourselves.

Who Else Are We Supposed To Think About?

Yeah.

What You'll Go Through With Mom And Dad

Will Be Tough.

But Look On The Bright Side:

Once Mom And Dad Hear About This

They'll Totally Forget About What I Did.

Thank You For Your Time, Judge Rivera.

If You Can Think Of Any Way We Can Get Theo Into A Dorm

Please Call Us.

Good-Bye.

And Another One Bites The Dust.

Hi, Do You Guys Have A Minute?

When Is Jennifer Picking You Up?

Jennifer Left Yesterday.

But You Told Us She Was Taking You To Hillman.

I Told Her To Go Ahead.

How Will You Get Down There?

Before We Get Into That, Can I Say Something Here?

I Feel Really Bad About What Theo Did

And You Guys Handled It Very, Very Well.

You Were... Calm

Firm, Yet Loving...

This Isn't Why You Came Down Here, Is It?

No.

I Want You To Know

That I've Given This A Lot Of Thought

And The Decision That I've Come To

Was Very Difficult.

I've Decided To Discontinue My College Education.

Come Again, Young Lady?

I'm Not Going Back To Hillman.

Wanna Bet?

Being In College

Has Taught Me One Thing: I Just Don't Belong There.

Wanna Bet?

I'm Only Telling You What I Feel In My Heart

So Hear Me Out, Okay?

This Whole Thing, College And Competition--

It's Not What I'm About.

I Mean, Getting Straight A's And Making The Dean's List

And Trying To Impress Your Professor.

Is A Person Who Makes An "A"

Better Than A Person Who Gets A "C"?

No.

Okay.

I Was Sure You Were Going To Say "Yes."

Okay, Here's What I'm Trying To Say.

Um...

Okay.

Society, All Right?

Always Puts The A's--

"Hey, You're A's. You're Up Here.

"You're The C's.

You're Down Here."

I Say, "Why Can't We Just Be One Happy Alphabet?"

Well, I Feel I Don't Have To Be Better Than Everyone Else.

I'm Happy Being Me.

And Who Am I?

Well, Who I Am Is A Very Industrious Young Woman

Who Just Wants To Examine Life Without Pressure.

And How Much Does That Pay?

I Would Not Just Drop Out Of College Without A Game Plan.

What Are You Going To Do?

I'll Be A Fashion Designer Or A Record Producer.

Denise, College Could Help Prepare You For That.

Why Spend Four Years In College

When I Could Learn The Same Things On The Job?

Calvin Klein Didn't Go To College For Four Years.

Berry Gordy Started Motown.

He Didn't Have A College Degree.

Need I Go On?

Yes.

Well, These Are The Only Examples That I Have.

Okay, I'm Not That Sure About Calvin Klein.

My Point Is Still The Same.

I Don't Want To Go Back To School

And I Hope You'll Accept That

Because I Don't Know What Else To Say.

If You Didn't Want To Go Back To School

Why Did You Pack Your Bags?

I Knew When You Found Out

Dad Would Throw Me Out Of The House.

When Did I Ever Say To You

That If You Didn't Go Back To School

I Would Throw You Out Of The House?

Never.

Don't Tell Me

When I'm Going To Throw You Out Of The House.

I Don't See How You Can Tell Me What I Said

When You Don't Have A College Degree.

I Have A College Degree.

You're Going To Tell Me Something About When...

When I'm Going To Throw Somebody Out Of The House...

When I Throw Somebody Out Of The House

They'll Go Out.

I Don't Tell People...

Denise...

You'll Just Be, Boom, Out In The Street.

Denise, I Have One Question.

You Have Been Here For Three Months.

Why Haven't You Taken Any Of This Time

To Look For That Job?

Mom, It Was My Summer Vacation.

Cliff, We Need To Go Into The Kitchen And Talk.

I Don't Need Someone To Tell Me

That I'm Going To Throw Somebody Out Of The House.

Tell Me That I'm Going To Throw Somebody Out.

I Never Said I Was Going To Throw Somebody Out.

If The Child Had Said Something To Me

She Would Have To Wait For Me

To Say I'm Going To Throw Her Out.

I Never Said I Was Going To Throw Her Out.

You're Going To Wreck Your Appetite.

I Need That After...

You Are Not Going To Eat This.

But When Did I Ever Tell Some Child In This House

I Would Throw Them Out Of The House?

Never.

Never.

I Know You're Upset.

I'm Upset, Too.

Let's Be Realistic.

Denise Does Not Want To Go To College.

We Both Know If The Girl Does Not Want To Go To College

She Doesn't Belong There.

I Have No Problem With The Fact That She Does Not Belong There.

I Accept That.

What I Don't Accept Is Somebody Taking For Granted

To Put Words In My Mouth

That I'm Going To Throw Them Out Of The House.

I Will Not Threaten People.

Don't Tell Me

They're Afraid I Was Going To Throw Them Out.

And You Know, Another Thing...

Every Time A Child Does Something Like That

It Reflects On Us.

Because They'll Go Out And Tell Somebody Else

And Then The Whole Neighborhood Will Be Looking At Us And Say

"Dr. Huxtable Threw The Child Out With No Money."

( Sigh )

In The First Place, Let Me Tell You Something.

See, I Think...

Do You Agree With Me On That?

Let Me Smell Your Breath.

And If I Smell Anything That Smells Like A Potato

I'm Going To Throw You Out Of The House.

Hi, Grandpa.

Hi.

Grandma.

Not Yet, Elvin.

It's Two Months Before "Grandma" Is Laid On Me.

Come Over Here

And You Just Sit Down, My Dear.

How Are You Feeling?

I'm Fine.

Do You Need A Back Rub?

No, No.

Do You Need A Tummy Rub?

Do You Need A Foot Rub?

Everything Is All Right?

Daddy, You Always Make Such A Fuss Over Me.

She's Going To Make Me A Granddad.

Vanessa Called.

We Heard About Denise And Theo.

We Might Have A Solution.

We'd Like To Offer Denise A Job At The Wilderness Store.

Denise!

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

How You Doing?

Fine.

We Have A Proposition.

We Know You're Looking For Employment

And There's An Opening At The Wilderness Store.

Wilderness Store.

We'd Like To Make You Our Salesperson

In Charge Of Camping Equipment.

I Don't Know What To Say.

I'm Touched You Guys Would Even Think Of Me

But I Don't Really Want To Take Anything

That Isn't Associated With Music Or Fashion.

Well, What You Could Do Is Work In The Tent Division

And You Could Sing Inside The Tent.

Good One, Dad.

I'm Going To Go Finish Dinner.

We Appreciate It, Elvin.

Would You Like To Stay For Dinner?

Yes.

The Least We Can Do Is Help.

Come On, Elvin.

Tell Me I'm Dreaming.

Tell Me That You're Going To Wake Me Up

And My Daughter Is Not That Way.

Tell Me This Child Does Not Have A Penny To Her Name.

She's Borrowing Everything From Us

And Was Offered A Job, Paying Some Money

And Turned It Down.

Tell Me.

"Tell Me," I Said.

Mom, Dad, I've Got Sensational News.

I Need It, Man.

I Was Walking In The Neighborhood Around N.Y.U.

Trying To Figure Out A Place To Live

And I Saw This.

Soho Towers.

It's A Brand-New Condominium Complex Three Blocks From N.Y.U.

Cliff, Wake Up.

"Fabulous Views, All Marble Floors

"Gourmet Eat-In Kitchen, Video Rooms, A Health Club

And Seven-Day-A-Week Maid Service."

Now Isn't That A Fabulous Place To Live?

One Bedroom Apartments Start At $485,000.

This Is A Golden Opportunity For All Of Us.

Now For Me It Solves My Short-Term Living Situation.

You Buy The Place, I Live There During My College Years.

After Four Years, This Apartment Will Be Worth $600,000.

Now That's Over $100,000 In Profits

Which I'm Not Even Going To Ask To Share.

I'm Willing To Live In It And Take Care Of It

At No Charge To You.

And, Who Knows, Maybe Some Weekends

You And Dad Want To Get Away.

You Call Me And, Hey, I'll Split.

Theo, Get Away.

You Guys May Need Some Time To Think About This

But Don't Take Too Long.

We Got To Act Quick.

I Figured It Out Now.

I Got It All Figured Out.

For 23 Years We've Had Children In The House

And For 23 Years You And I Have Had Constant Battles

With These People.

And The Question Has Always Been

"What Were We Fighting About?"

And Now I Know.

It's About The House.

They Want The House.

It Is Believable That This Boy

Deliberately Did Not Mail That Envelope

So That When He Went Down, There Were No Rooms

And He Would Have To Come Back Here And Live.

It Is Believable That Denise Does Not Want To Go To College

Because She Wants To Live Here.

It Is Believable That This Young Man And This Woman

Living In A Condemned Place On Purpose

Have This Baby To Make Us Feel Sorry For Them

So They Can Come Back Here.

Now The Other Two Haven't Started Their Game Yet

Because Legally They're Supposed To Stay Here.

Now You And I Have Been Beaten Every Time We've Gone To Battle

And I'm Telling You Now, Darling

I'm Old.

And You're Old, Too, Clair.

And I Think That You And I Should Just Get On Up

And Get Out Of Here--

Get In The Car And Just Go.

Let Them Have The House, Honey.

And Unlike General Macarthur, We Shall Not Return.

Cliff Honey, Is That You?

I Just Got In From The Hospital.

What Time Is It?

3:00 A.M.

Oh, You Have Just Missed 21 Hours Of Children Updates.

Do I Have To Listen To It?

Well, I Had To Listen To It.

( Knocking )

Who Is It?

I Was Too Excited To Sleep And I Heard Dad Come In.

You'll Hear This One In Person.

Come In.

You Didn't Tell Him Anything, Did You?

No.

♪ Ta-Da! ♪

You're Looking At An Employed Person!

You Got A Job?

Yes! I'm A Record Producer.

Well, Not Exactly

But I Do Have A Wonderful Entry-Level Position

At Blue Wave Records.

Doing What?

I'm The Assistant

To The Executive Associate.

And Tell Him What The Assistant Does.

I Take Care Of The Needs Of The Artists And Their Guests

Plus I Operate The Intercommunication System

Throughout The Office.

You Get Coffee And Answer The Phone.

Tell Him How Much You're Making.

$25.

An Hour?

No.

A Day?

A Week.

Why So Much?

I Swear You'll Be Proud Of Me.

I Certainly Hope So.

Good Night.

Get Some Sleep.

♪ I'm In The Record Business, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah ♪

Clair...

Good Night, And I Love You.

You Know Why?

Because All We've Got Is Each Other.