Original subtitles

I am Abe Klein. Today's my 21st birthday...

and it's the worst day of my entire life,because...

I am a total stupid. Idiot.

And I need help. Big help.

And I need it right now!

-Mr. Smith? -Yeah. Speaking.

Do you know where your wife is, Mr. Smith?

-Sorry, who is this? -Do you know where your wife is...

...right now, this very minute? -Who the fuck is this?

Do you know where your wife was last night?

-Who the fuckin' hell is this?! -No?

She's in some cheap hotel room, screamin'...

''Oh, yes! Fuck me right up the arse!

I wanna feel what it 's like with a real man, not a complete loser...

...like my husband!'' -Yeah, yeah. You think that's funny?

That 's right. Your wife knows it, your fuckin' kids know it.

They stand in the line, look at you and think, ''What a complete loser!''

They tell their friends, not that they got that fuckin' many friends.

They tell everyone that 'd listen, they open up their windows...

they scream it onto the streets! ''Our daddy...

is a complete fuckin' loser! Complete... fuckin'... loser!''

Hello? Shit.

-Still there? -Look, I don't know who you are...

...but I'm callin' the police! -Great idea! Great idea!

It 's 999, by the way. And while you're on...

why don't you tell me about the 3,000 pounds you still owe to me?

-Fuckin' loser! -Danny Devine! Shit, I'm sorry.

-I'll pay you, all right? -Yeah, great!

Sorry! Fuckin' sorry, sorry! It 's all I ever fuckin' hear! ''Sorry.''

Oh, Jack...

Use your love.

I wish it was that easy, sweetness.

It is.

-Bonsoir. -Frank Rosenheim...

22 Rue de la Republique, block 43C, Gare du Nord.

Confirmй.

What do you mean?

-I'm not who you think I am. -Who are you?

-Sugar, I... I... -Yes, what?

...I used to be a woman.

There you are! I was expecting you earlier.

Most of you show up like a hummingbird, at first light...

to welcome in the day. Interesting difference.

Then again, I take it your work allows for flexibility of scheduling.

Contingent on the client's agenda, of course.

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is...

-Frank Rosenheim. -And you are?

Oh, come on, you can tell me your name.

At least I have the right to know who it is that 's gonna kill me!

You haven't got any rights. Not anymore.

You must be the faceless British freelancer I've heard about.

Then again, they all are... faceless.

Figured you'd have more bravado.

I should know.

I've employed enough men from similar professions in my time.

-Have you wondered about me? -No.

Very precise, Mr. Lynch. Next assignment, London.

Confirmed.

You're fuckin' weird.

-I knew it. Just knew it! -You knew what?

-I knew you'd react like this! -Like what?

Like this!

It 's called fear, Mimi. It 's a human thing.

-So you're not happy? -I didn't say that. Did I say that?

You didn't say you were. You offered me marshmallow!

-That 's not the same thing! -All right, Mimi, look, I'm happy.

Everybody, I'm happy! See? Come on!

You know, being happy works different. We were having fun and...

-You think this is fun for me? -No, I guess not.

But sleeping with me was fun, right?

Right. I'm not saying that wasn't fun, you know.

To be honest, fun's not a big enough word to describe how...

fun that was, but I thought you were taking stuff, like... precautions.

Obviously not enough that night!

-Mimi, wait! -What?!

So you are not going to be a part of it?

Dammit, woman, I didn't say that! You know?

I wouldn't do that, not after your dad and... I gotta take this.

-Hold on a minute, hold on. Hello? -Good morning, Mr. Klein, you rat.

Have you any idea of the summed value of what you owe to me now?

Do you know the total of your failure in payin' form?

Guess what, it's gonna win you the award for the world's biggest loser!

-Take care, I'll speak to you soon. -Don't interrupt me, you little shit!

Sweet, huh? That was Danny wishing me a happy...

You know, that man has such a big heart for such a small individual.

How much do you owe?

-Not much. It 's a small amount. -How much, Abe?

-You know, this is a funny story. -Oh, yeah?

Salvador, he had this foolproof investment plan.

He heard it from a German buddy, a friend of a friend or whatever.

Come on, listen. Honestly. It wasn't gambling this time, I swear.

So now Sal's your financial advisor?

Now that 's really a good thing.

What kind of future do we have, Abe? Honest!

I'm not that irresponsible. Not all the time.

This is serious, Abe!

I'm pregnant, and all you can say is, ''I'm not that irresponsible''?

I don't think you really understand what I mean.

I do understand. I swear to God, I understand.

I do. Even if I don't show it, I do understand. You hungry?

You want a coffee or something? You want a coffee?

I want your phone. I need to call my mother.

-You don't want a coffee? -Your phone, please!

You can have the phone.

-Come on, boy! -I can't get it out. Gimme a break.

I'm trying, I'm trying! All right, all right, all right.

What coffee do you want?

-What coffee do you want? -Skimmed latte, double shot.

All right.

-Hello? -Mom?

-Hi, baby! -Hi. I'm gonna take the train...

Motherfucker!

Motherfucker!

-You faggot! -Stay there!

-Someone stop him! -Fuck off!

Thanks.

Serves you right for stealing my cell phone, you moron!

I think this is yours.

Thanks again. I appreciate it.

...will be departing on Platform 5. -That 's my train. I gotta go.

Moron!

Hey. How's your mom?

Something came up. I'll call her from the airport.

It 's boarding.

-A baby costs money, Abe. -I know. How much?

You know what? Forget it. It 's not just about the money.

I'm just not sure we're on the same page.

Think about what you really want, Abe.

-I know what I want. I want you. -And a baby?

Bong Shankar... bong Shiva...

Good mornin', Salvador, you fuckin' useless piece of shite.

Danny Devine here. It's that time o' the month again.

Not the one when your friend goes crazy for no reason whatsoever...

but the one when you put your stumpy wee hands in your deep pockets...

and pull out some fuckin' interest!

-Hello? -Hello!

-Hello! -Is it me you're lookin' for, Dan?

Of course! Who else I'd be lookin' for? I called your number, didn't I?

Danny, you know somethin'? You should really try and take it...

Easy

-You fuckin' junkie scumbag! -You take that far too seriously.

I can tell what you're fuckin' up to!

I am gonna rip your fuckin' cover for this!

You can take me fuckin' seriously, you scumbag!

Oh, man! You will not believe what happened! Guess who just called!

-Mimi is pregnant. -That is the wrong answer!

You don't get it. Mimi's gonna have my baby.

She left me.

Shit, man.

Come. Step into the light.

Rain.

To one man, it 's life.

To another, it 's death.

Now, you have to examine how you see the rain.

Sal, really not in the mood for Navajo weather forecast right now.

The smell of rain.

The touch of it on your skin.

The coolin' wash... on a hot, sunny day.

The change of the seasons shows us that life...

goes in directions we cannot predict!

Okay. I think I know what you're talking about.

Not completely, but... yeah.

The main elements are coming into focus.

-She definitely left you. -She's gonna stay with her mom.

She's visitin' her mom?! Well, that 's not quite the same thing!

Technically.

So she hasn't really left you, has she?

-I mean, you know... technically. -Technically.

Well, yeah, you know, it feels like that.

Sal, Mimi is my world.

Everything.

But... a baby? It 's just insane!

I dunno if I'm ''dad'' material. Would you want me as your dad?

Too stoned for that image right now, man.

I'm losin' her, man.

That 's the first line of every great love song the world's ever known.

And the worst thing... you know the worst thing? I stood there...

I went into this, like... I don't know, this internal...

icy freak-out mode! I didn't know what to say, you know?

I stood there. I said nothing. Not a word. Like a complete asshole.

I mean, surely she deserves better than that, right?

Yeah. Right.

-Love sucks. -Big time, man.

-Anythin' else? -Oh, God, yeah.

Danny called. I needed that today like a hole in the head.

Just dig into it, man.

That call must 've pissed him off!

-Are you still there?! -Danny's still on the phone?

What are you doing?

-God, it 's like little... children! -Guys.

Guys! Guys! Guys! Guys, I fuckin' hear you in there!

I am gonna fuckin' tear your fuckin' lump...

right off your fuckin' throat!

-Mr. Megakey. How can I help you? -Samuel Fish.

London location 23B, The Strand.

Information in locker 705, Paddington Station.

-Excuse me? -Paddington, locker 705. Confirm.

-Yeah. Yeah, sure, that 's fine. -Confirm.

Confirmed.

How rude.

Shit, I was just there.

I've got a job at Paddington. I gotta go.

-Comin' with you. I need fresh air. -No. No way, dude.

This is my business, you know? The costumer's gonna be there.

Translation: sorry, but you can't come.

-Yes, I can. -No, you can't.

-Yes, I can. -No.

-Yes. -No.

Thanks, man.

-You stay outta my way. -Yeah, man.

No, honestly, I don't wanna see you.

-Virgil Smyth-Reynolds. -Enjoying your day, Virgil?

-It 's what 's left of my day off. -Something's come up with Lynch.

-We need your services. -I don't jump for you today.

Don't forget, Virgil, you have a responsibility to us.

-I understand, but... -Virgil.

...you'll have to find somebody else. -Virgil. Virgil! You are our man...

with the first class local knowledge. Besides, everyone's busy.

What do you mean, all busy? How can they all be busy?

-How should I know? They just are. -All of them?

I know it's terribly inconvenient.

I understand it 's an inconvenience, but...

-All I can do is apologize again. -Yes, I'm sure you're very sorry.

Well, how can I say no to you when you say you're sorry? Impossible.

-You delivered the package on time? -Yes, I've already placed it there.

-You're positive? -Yes, like, at 7:05.

Good.

What 's wrong with your man, anyway?

-He seemed strange on the phone. -Seemed strange on the phone?

-Well, funny. -Funny? Funny how, exactly?

-Maybe just... different. -Different. I see. Not funny.

Just different. Well, that 's...

Yes, I see, I understand, it 's...

-We need you to keep an eye on him. -You want me to watch him?

-Yes. -Like a peeping-tom?

-Or a stalker, more like. -Oh, and another thing, Virgil:

...we've sent Dragan. -What? Whom?

-Dragan? Absolutely not. No. -I'm sure you two'll get along fine.

-I can't. I've got an appointment. -Where?

-My barber. Look... -Then there'll be an extra payment.

How much extra payment?

It starts as a sound in your mind, and it keeps playing and playing...

but you can't tell exactly what it is.

All you know is that it fills your head with strange ideas.

Strange and sweet.

Well, it sounds like love.

Love. Ah, that 's what it is.

I think about her every moment since we first met.

-I only saw her for a second. -Not love at first sight?

I only saw her for a second, but I knew...

I knew it was right.

I knew we were meant to be together.

All the places we'd go, all the things we'd do together...

Little things. Nice things.

Sounds romantic.

Romantic.

-Yes, that 's what it... Thank you. -You're welcome.

Romantic.

-She's very pretty. -Pretty ones are best, aren't they?

So pretty.

Love

It's a beautiful thing

Like the first day in spring time Or the blue, blue skies of June

And it's love Makes my heart wanna sing

And I've got to get back to you Some place soon

Not a word to be said

Just the moment of love, light Shines through

Take my hand

You are being a very, very naughty boy...

and I think you need some severe punishment.

Did you know I don't even know her first name?

Names aren't important. Names are for later, not now.

I should get some flowers. Pretty girls like flowers, don't they?

It shows that you care, that you're interested.

Yes, we love flowers, especially... roses.

-Roses! I'll get her some roses! -Yes, a nice big bunch of roses!

Klein, you Megakey guys are total shit. Where's my key?

-Key? -Key, yeah. K-E-Y.

You're supposed to copy a key for me.

-That 's not my fuckin' phone! -What? Whose fuckin' phone?!

Klein! That 's her name!

-I gotta go. -You're going nowhere.

-Take came off! -They stay where they are!

-We're finished. -Oh, I haven't even started.

Hello? Hello!

Okay, remember what I said, Sal.

Sal.

In the booth, man.

Gotta get a mug o'... tea.

This is Abe. Who is this?

-Why do you have my phone? -Where is she?

Why do you have her phone, which is my phone?

-Where is who? -No, I...

...I wanna talk to her! -Her?

Speak to who? Look, I'm really not in the mood for this.

-What? -Why do you have my phone?

Hang on, hang on!

-Hello? -Hello!

-You still there? Hello? -You have something that 's mine.

You're holding it in your hand and I want it back!

-Who is this? -You know what I want!

-Excuse me! -I get it! I get it!

Tell Danny I don't even have his money...

so leave me the fuck alone, all right?

Hello?

-I can't hear you! -I wanna make a call!

I can't hear you! What 's that noise?

-Can you hold on? -What do you think you're doing?!

-Hang on! -I want to use the phone!

-You want the phone? -Yeah.

There's your fuckin' phone!

Your personal finances don't concern me. What does concern...

-Where are you?! -Waiting for a client. I have to go.

Don't touch the locker!

-How do you know I'm in the locker? -I just know these things!

-Well, where are you? -I'm on my way.

-Locker 501! -No,it's 705.

-Who is this? -Stay exactly where you are!

Yeah. Right. The chances of that are about zero.

Sal!

-Thought I told you to be invisible. -You know I never lose a joke.

Besides, I am Mr. Invisibility.

-You didn't see I was behind you. -Something really weird happened.

First, this strange call about this job, right? And then, some...

asshole calls me from my own cell...

all angry and shit, tells me not to touch that locker, but to wait...

like I've got nothing better to do!

Sweet. Let 's open the locker.

Shut up. I'm not opening the locker.

You're talkin' madness! Listen...

Hello? Sal.

Got cursed.

Now, there's probably somethin' very important in that locker...

belongin' to the guy that called. Now...

he obviously lost his key.

He swallowed it or somethin'. Right?

Now, he knows you know...

he's an idiot for losin' what you don't need to get to you-know-what.

So, if you know that he knows...

you can save him the embarrassment o' tellin' you what you already know.

Think about it, man.

Okay, I'm not 100% sure I understand what you just said.

If you know...

...that he knows... -Oh, fuck it, I'll open it anyway.

-You won't regret this. -I've heard that before.

-This time, man, I'm sure. -Yeah, I've heard that too.

-Go stand over there. -Look out.

-Just go stand over there. -Look out

-I need to concentrate. -Look out

Look out.

Sal!

Sal.

Jesus.

Curb your shock, man! Fuck!

-After you, man. -Get into that van!

You're ready?

Christ.

-Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck! -Look at this shit, Sal!

I mean, look at this. Look at this. This is, like...

Dude, this...

I mean, this is...

Look at all this, this is just like a...

Oh my God, this is for a fuckin' hit or somethin', Sal.

Who the fuck did we just rob?

Fuck, man.

-Shit. -We gotta warn this guy.

Shit, man.

Camelito!

Camelito? Are you fuckin' crazy, man?

Yeah.

Think about the money.

I can't. I'm trying to cultivate a Mr. Respectable image here...

and then this shit happens. Why? Why does this shit happen to me?

This is you! This is your fault! You told me to take the case!

I didn't even want... What am I doing here? I don't even smoke.

I didn't wanna take the case!

God. Think. Come on, Abe, think!

Think, man. Think.

Fuck!

Mr. Fish?

-Hello? -Samuel Fish. Mr. Fish.

Sammy to my friends. I'm sort of both. Take my card.

Call me anytime, just not right now.

-Do I know you? -No. I'm... Joe?

-I'm a friend of Joe's. Joe's friend. -Joe?

-Which Joe? -You know Joe, right?

-I thought Joe was out of town. -He is.

And you? Are you a friend of Joe's as well?

Never met him.

Okay.

What do you want?

Okay, Mr. Fish...

this is kind of a strange situation for me...

as it is for you. It 's probably more strange for you than it is for me.

Anyway, I don't quite know how to explain this...

...cuz it 's kinda complicated. -I'm listening...

...but I'm not understanding. -Right. Well, when I got...

Sorry. Can I... just...

Sorry about this.

Shit.

It 's the wrong number.

Listen, if this is about money...

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It 's about the money.

You seem like a smart type, so we can deal, right?

-Maybe. -Are you gonna answer that?

-No. -What is Ernesto's problem?

Was it the two million or screwing Juliana?

-I think it was the girl. -The girl. Always the girl.

Same old story. Always the girl.

But what a great arse.

Still, if it 's the girl, he's not gonna listen to offers, right?

-Am I right? -You're right.

Yeah, he's possessive. He's the possessive type.

You don't... look like killers.

Really? What... what do killers look like?

-Well, they... -Get your hands up, man.

What do you think we look like? Amateurs?

You think we're kiddin' ya? I've got a gun. I'm gonna shoot.

Go for it, punk. Make my day.

Give me the gun. Come on, gimme the gun.

-Gimme the gun! -Most killers...

well, they dress a little... they dress a little more...

professional.

You two... Well, no disrespect...

...but... you know what I mean. -Oh, this?

This is just like a disguise... thing. You know?

It 's like, I'm a killer, but then again...

...I'm not. We should kill you, but then again, we don't have to.

It 's what we like to call free-market economy. We take the best offer.

A man who's prepared to listen to reason. That 's what I like to hear.

I knew you were the smart type. Okay, I'm listening.

-Let me hear you. What do you want? -Fifty thousand.

Five hundred.

-50,500. -Yeah.

We get 50,000 if we do it.

-We get fifty thousand... -Five hundred.

...if we don't. -Sounds fair.

But I don't have that much money here.

Could you come back tomorrow?

Right.

This shouldn't be too difficult.

What can I say? I'm a businessman.

Businessmen do things like that. You understand, don't you?

Of course you do. It 's business. Business is business!

Yeah. God, sure.

But what if you take off...

and tomorrow someone else comes around in your place...

and they don't wanna be paid off?

How do I know that ain't gonna happen?

Actually, that 's quite a good point.

-Well, we... I suppose we could... -Tell 'em you're dead.

I think they would probably check that one out.

They would need a dead body in the flesh, so to speak.

Could work.

Something smells funny to me.

Real funny. I don't think you're a killer at all.

-Why don't you try to convince me? -Gimme the gun. Gimme the gun, Sal.

Gimme the gun. Gimme the gun. Gimme the gun!

Curious.

We gotta leave. ''Leave'' as in ''get the fuck outta Dodge'', man!

Where's the case?

How could you leave the case in there, Sal?

You know, that 's it! Mimi's right! I'm just an irresponsible fuck-up!

You don't have to agree with me!

Shit!

Is that all you can do? Just sit there and nod?

What about a plan, Sal? You always got a plan! No? Great.

Okay, this is what we should do: you go back to your place.

You wait for me to call, okay?

Pack up all your shit and do not do anything, do not go anywhere...

until I get there, right? Okay, go.

Oh, and Sal? Whatever you do, don't panic, all right? Do not panic.

Come on!

Shouldn't be hard to find.

Hopsing!

-Thank you. -See ya again.

-Bye. -Cheers.

You think you could hide from me by comin' to work? How stupid is that?

Can't hide from payday, Mr. Klein.

-Where is he? -I think it 's his day off.

-You think? -Well, he's not here...

...so, technically, it 's a day off. -Day off?

-Yeah. It means he's not working. -I know what it is! I'm not stupid!

You sayin' I'm stupid?

If you'd like to fill out a formal complaint...

I've got a form.

Day off, eh?

And what could he be doin' with his day off?

That 's it! He's sunnin' himself in a Caribbean island...

sippin' fuckin' sangrilla with some bikini-clad world-famous supermodel.

He'll be flyin' home tomorrow night in his own Learjet...

drivin' home from the airport in his Porsche 92-fuckin'-4 Turbo.

Have you any idea how he's financin' his new-found lifestyle?

-No. -With my fuckin' money!

My fuckin' money!

-I'm sorry. -Not as fuckin' sorry as I am.

You tell your wee pal I'm lookin' for him, right?

And don't be so fuckin' polite all the time.

-How much it is, mate? -That 's 12 quid, please, guv'nor.

-There you go. -Thanks a lot, sir.

Abe!

Fuckin' hell. Yeah, all right, I'm Abe!

Sorry, son.

''Abe Klein is...''

Married.

She's married.

And I'm late.

But most marriages fail anyway. Keep positive.

Keep positive.

Keep positive.

Women like confident men.

Abe Klein.

I got you.

Don't panic. Don't panic, please, please. Yeah.

Fuck. Fuck, man!

Shit, man!

Oh, Jimi. Oh, Jimi. What are we gonna do, man?

Yeah, man. Yeah, I'm gonna smoke this shit! That 's what I'm gonna do!

I'm gonna put it in my pipe. Put it in my pipe, yeah, put it in my pipe.

I can't believe it, man. There was Mr. Fish, man...

and I was there with the gun, man! And we got all... He go...

What the fuck is this shit?

You think you can fuckin' hide from me?!

I can smell that shite from all the way down the fuckin' stairs!

You think I have nothin' better to do than runnin' after you all day?!

Oh, well! If it isn't the wee fuckin' marijuana-smokin' junkie loser!

I, on the other hand, am a taxpayin' member of my community...

...and I'd like a wee chat with you. -I've got my reasons, Danny!

It 's about repayin' a debt to society.

Change your fate, man. That 's the concept.

Fuckin' concepts?! Try this for a fuckin' concept!

Where's my fuckin' money and where's your wee fuckin' boyfriend?!

-Do you want a cup o' tea? -Cup o' tea?!

I don't have fuckin' time for cups o' fuckin' tea!

Shit!

This day just keeps getting better.

Come on! Shit!

Come on!

Shit!

What the fuck is goin' on?!

Fuck!

This isn't right!

Do I arrive fresh and relaxed as promised? No!

You see? You see what I'm talking about?

Nobody takes responsibility. Nobody wants to know.

All of a sudden, it 's somebody else's problem.

It 's always somebody else's problem!

Whatever happened to customer service?

Motherfucker. ''Dragon''?

The name's Dragan!

Just a little joke of mine, you know?

Brighten a dull day. Breaks the ice, so to speak.

-Idiot! -Right.

Okay. Well, time is money, mine, at this rate, and...

we seem to be wasting it.

I'm a professional. I don't carry my own bags.

That 's funny. I'm a specialist operative, not a baggage handler...

so you do now.

Dally with me.

Where is my limo?

Hello?

Sal, we gotta talk!

Where the fuck are you?

Sal?

Sal.

I refuse to work with this man Virgil.

He's treating me like some circus monkey.

Well, Dragan, we all have to compromise, you know what I mean?

But he's too difficult. Incompetent! He causes problems!

-Says who? -Everybody says so. You know what?

I have good ears. I hear these things.

That's nice, but we don't have a replacement.

-Why is there no replacement? -He's sick.

-Sick? -Yes, sick.

You have one replacement, and he's sick?

Very sick.

-You think that is good business? -No.

No. No, I don't think so.

Listen, this is stupid.

It is always the same. This is bullshit!

This is bullshit. Bullshit!

Oh, yes. You are Mr. Healthy, of course.

-Your body is your temple, Dragan. -Then it 's mine to do with as I wish.

If I want to vomit in it, then it 's my choice.

-Charming. -Where is he?

At the King Charles Hotel, room 225.

International, too. Expensive, I'll tell you that, man.

-Are you sure? -Of course. I've booked it myself.

Besides, my taste is exemplary.

Quality counts when you want to create a good impression. I always...

-The room number! It is 225? -Yes, of course.

It 's not a very difficult number to remember.

You know, after all, 2 plus 2 equals 5, doesn't it, Dragan?

Did you get that one? Does it translate in the old Slavic tongue?

Even Hopsing got that. Didn't you, you little devil?

I don't want your little jokes, you little prick.

I don't even want your opinion, 'cause I don't care.

Now, we go there. You tell me only facts!

The facts are in the file.

You'd have known that if you had bothered to read it.

Fact: you're here to remove your man...

whom your organization employed in the first place.

Why? Because 1) he sounded funny on the phone...

and b) because you've lost contact with him, which makes him a threat.

-Do you know what they call that? -Industrial conduct.

Who said that?

Still, it 's their money.

That 's true.

I suppose they have nothing better to do.

But still, if they screw up, I'm not gonna take the responsibility.

-Neither am I. -Well, good.

Shall we?

-Yeah. -Think of a funeral.

Tears in all the little eyes as they are putting flowers on your grave.

Look, I don't know who the hell you are, but I...

No more little boy games!

You stole my money and you have my phone, which you will return...

but first things first!

What's the name and address of the appointment I was supposed to be at?

Danny Devine.

Parrot Club...

...38, Halston Place. -I suggest you stay...

very close to my phone. Very close.

Fuck you, Danny.

-Then what? -Then I left.

-That is it? -That is it.

-And where is he now? -I don't know, I'm investigating.

Investigating?

What does that mean, you're investigating?

Yes, of course. You poor fellow. Investigating. Investigating means...

When one investi... gates...

-Quite large, isn't it? -So you left. That is all?

Well, that 's what I was told to do. It was my day off.

I was told to come and collect you. You and your... baggage.

-This is the one. -Disappointing, Virgil.

That is what you are. Disappointing!

I'm terribly sorry!

Is it him?

Is it me?

No.

No.

No.

Are you sure?

-You sure? -Quite.

Quite.

I got... My key is...

-Could you close my door, please? -Yes, of course.

-Thank you. -Pleasure.

This is another of your funny jokes, yes?

Your famous British sense of humour? I'm not laughing!

Well, do you ever?

The fact that he's already checked out is proof positive...

that your people made a mistake, not I.

-My people don't make mistakes! -They sent you, didn't they?

Incompetent! That is what you are. Incompetent!

Your accusations are unimaginative...

and quite simply incorrect. I will not take responsibility.

This is the room I was told to reserve. This is the room I reserved!

-And this is where your man was! -Incompetent.

If name-calling is the best you can do to alleviate the situation...

then it is a sad reflection of who you are.

-Incompetent. -Fine. End of dialogue.

-Still not my fault. -Idiot.

-I heard that. -Good. I will say it again.

No need to.

I'm so sorry.

-What 'd you kiss me for, man? -I didn't kiss you.

What are you cryin' for, man?

-What you did with me, man? -What 'd I do?! I didn't do anything!

-I thought you were dead! -Dead?

Yeah!

Fuck,man!

This has to be one of the strongest varieties o' skank known to mankind!

This shit stinks!

Fuck, man! You're telling me! I thought I'd died! That shit 's mad!

-What? -The birthday bush.

The Dutch spinach. The jockey aged, man.

You gotta try some o' this. Gotta go get more o' this shit for myself.

Shut up, Sal. Shut up. Hang on.

So Danny didn't kill you.

-No. -Oh my God, what have I done?

-But he did putt 'round, though. -I need to call him.

And he's very, very pissed off, man.

I need to call him. He's in danger. Give me his number.

-And he left you a message. -It 's on the picture, on the floor.

It 's on the floor.

-Read it out. -''Danny Devine.''

Not his name! The number, dude! The number!

-07... -07...

...8... No, that 's a 6, man. Sorry.

I can't... I can't read this. I need to call the police.

It 's 999, man.

Come on.

-Emergency services. -I need to report...

-Which service do you require? -What? Police!

-Just bear with me a moment, sir. -I don't think you understand!

-This is really bad! -He wants his money back, man.

You hold it up. Pick your money up.

If it stays in your pocket, it can get dirty, really dirty.

So give a Parrot Club welcome for the hottest thing from icy Siberia:

Annuska!

I wanna see the manager!

You don't need the manager.

I know what you really want. A good time, yeah?

-How long have you known me? -Long enough to know...

...you'd not come down on a friend. -That 's right. Not fuckin' long.

That means it 's business. If it 's business, what does that mean?

-No favours. -That 's right! No favours!

No favours means no fuckin' reprieves.

No fuckin' reprieves means...

no fuckin' reprieves!

Well, maybe we could arrange something else, then.

What? Like that?

What am I gonna do with that? What the fuck am I gonna do with 'em?!

Fuckin' hang 'em on the wall and fuckin'...

have a wee rummage around and try and find fuckin' BBC World Service?

What the fuck am I gonna do with them, Moon? You fuckin' tell me...

what am I gonna fuckin' do with them!

-I thought you'd like 'em. -Like 'em?

Fuck yourself!

-Is she bein' nice? -Yeah. I think so.

How many fuckin' times I have to tell ya? It 's fuckin' cash only!

In life, you get two choices: you either fuckin' pay up or you don't.

You pay up, that 's all right. You don't pay up, that 's not all right.

That was not fuckin' all right!

See you, Danny.

That 's what I like to see. A nice wee smilin' picture of Her Majesty.

Come on!

Are you Danny Devine?

Hello. Hello?

-Hello? -Klein?

-Who the fuck are you?! -Who the fuck are you?

Did you see the sign on the door? The one that said fuckin' ''Private''?

Did you see that or did you fuckin' miss it? Maybe you're dyslexic.

I'll fuckin' explain it to you. Well, what it means is...

''Fuck right fuckin' off right fuckin' now!''

-You talk too much. -Or we could sit down and discuss...

in a more businesslike fashion, if you like.

Nothing to discuss. You are Danny, but you are not the real target.

Therefore, you and your friend Klein are trying to set me up.

Listen, friend, I haven't got a clue what you're talkin' about.

By the way, I'm the one who normally does the fuckin' mood here!

No disrespect to you and your big fuckin' gun an' all!

Do you know you're sittin' in a parrot?

-What? -Fuck it.

No, no, wait, wait, wait.

I mean, we've only just fuckin' met. You might like me.

We could sit around, have a wee cup o' tea, and maybe discuss it...

in a more kinda civilized fashion sorta thing!

We could do that. But we won't.

What is this, James fuckin' Bond?!

You think you can kill me with a single bullet? I'll get you!

All right, police! This is a raid!

I want that door down!

How am I gonna explain this to Dan fuckin' Altman?!

Outta my way! I want that door open!

We need the heavy stuff!

Bring in the grinder!

Charley's Meats. Charley speaking.

There's a wall directly in front of you.

Which one you talkin' about, mate?

It 's in front of you, at 10 o' clock!

The weird-lookin' thing with pointy... things on it.

It looks like a Toblerone!

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I see it. Who is this?

I want you to drive into it as fast as you can!

You're out of your mind, aren't you, mate?

Jesus fuckin' Christ!

And the next one's between your eyes. You understand me?!

Yeah! No problem! I understand. Yeah, no problem.

-Right! Now drive! -I'm driving the thing right now.

Do it!

Carry on.

Fuckin' turds.

-Hello? -Hey, Mrs. Gutierrez. It 's Abe.

-Hi, Abe. How are you? -I'm fine.

Everything's just going fine. Could I speak to Mimi, please?

She's not here. She didn't get the plane.

Hi, it 's me. Don't talk.

I'm at Heathrow because my flight has been delayed...

-She changed her mind, Abe. -...for hours, and...

-She called you, didn't she? -...I went back home. Also...

-Yeah, she called me. -...I couldn't leave things...

-What time's she getting in again? -...the way we left things.

-I think I need to talk to you. -She's taking the next train back.

I want to take the next train back to town...

and... I was thinking that maybe we can try to forget the whole thing.

-Are you okay, Abe? -I'm fine. I'm just a bit late.

But... listen, it was nice speaking with you. I've gotta go, okay?

-Okay. Good night, Abe. -Good night!

''First class local knowledge.'' That is what it says on your card.

''First class local knowledge.''

I don't hear you comin' up with any bright ideas...

...o Lord of the Onion Rings. -I don't live here.

-Well, what a tragedy. -Bullshit.

All you talk is bullshit! ''It will be a quick, quiet job'', they said...

''backed up by local assistants. There'll be no need for attention.

There will be no need to come to interrogate.'' Amateurs!

There's the chap that killed Fish.

Oh, sorry. I didn't recognize you. The telephone man, right?

The telephone man. Yeah, that 's very clever.

That 's very funny. The telephone man!

-Yeah, I suppose I am, really. -What 's happened to you?

That 's a long story.

-You're waiting for a train? -Not really.

So... funny coincidence, running into you again here. Small world.

A small world? Yeah, I suppose it is. It 's a small world.

Come on, take it.

I bought it for you.

Thank you. I can't.

I picked it myself. It was the nicest one of the bunch.

Pretty girls like pretty flowers, don't they?

Especially roses. It 's romantic, isn't it?

-It 's romantic. -I'm sorry. I can't take it.

Why?

I have a boyfriend. He's meeting me here. He's always late.

But if you didn't have a boyfriend...

if you didn't have a boyfriend, if he wasn't there anymore...

if he just disappeared...

would you take the rose then?

I really need to go.

-Yeah? -I've been reasonable so far.

That ends now. Betraying me was a mistake. We both know that.

So, you have something that belongs to me, and now...

I've got something that belongs to you.

This time I almost believed you.

Believe it, Dick?

But believe me for what I am now, not for what I've done in the past.

This time it's really goodbye. There are no second chances left for us.

There's always a second chance. It's a world for second chances.

You think it's too late?

''It 's a world for second chances.''

-Oh, Dick... -Yes, sugar, yes?

How much do you think he loves you? Think he'll try and phone all day?

I want this moment to last for eternity.

-Why? -Why what?

-Why him? -I don't understand the question.

You seem a reasonably attractive, reasonably intelligent girl.

Why are you wasting your life on a boy...

...on an idiot? -If he's an idiot...

how come you lost your phone? You didn't know whose phone you had!

And how come you haven't got your phone back yet?

If he's an idiot, what does that make you?

Stupid?

...it doesn't mean we can't start a family of our own.

With a little boy... and girl?

-And a dog, sweet heart! -Is he a good man? Is that it?

-He's very good, actually. -That good? Then he's good.

Good enough for life?

Is he the Forever Man? The man you wanna spend eternity with?

Good enough to be a father?

-I'd be a good father. -I don't think so.

I think so. Very good.

Things would be different.

It would be a son.

A boy.

I'm devoted. You wouldn't have to worry about anything, either of you.

...a boy... and a girl? Like... like a real family?

It doesn't have to be this way.

-Kiss me, Dick, and never stop! -Good one!

Smarts a bit, but it shows you care. It really... it really could be nice!

It could be different!

Special!

I met you once at the train station! That was it!

-Once is enough! -Not for me. I have a boyfriend.

-I love him. I'm sorry. -You might leave him.

-No! -You don't know!

-It could end! Things do! -It won't!

-You don't know that! It might! -I know!

Help! Please!

-This won't hurt? -Does it hurt, sugar?

You're making a big mistake. I could give you a wonderful life.

You and... you and our baby. A family. Nice things. Pretty things.

It could be love.

I already have plans. I'm sorry.

That 's your choice.

It 's your life, I suppose.

Hello? Just listen to what I need to say!

In this moment of silence, what did you think about?

-What? -Good things or bad? Happy or sad?

Was it the necessary reality check your little life needed? I hope so.

-I don't need this! -You know, if you left him...

life would be so simple. Think about it.

-There's always good way of options. -Hello?

Each silent second gives you time to think about the grand scheme of life.

Are you thinking, Abe? Do you see the big picture?

Listen,just please don't touch her, okay? I'm serious!

You know what? So am I.

And I've just made a decision all of my own.

-You keep my phone and money... -No.

...I'll keep the girl. -No. This is not how we...

-Have a nice life. -Please, don't put the phone...

No.

This is so not happening to me.

-Your call has been forwarded... -Fuck!

-Fuck! -...to the voice mall... voice mall...

-Hello! -Dirty Angels Escort Service calling.

Your contract with Auntie Gladys did not include any medical costs...

associated with services rendered. It's noted that she arrived...

at your room number 225, King Charles Hotel, and we will bill you.

Bill me!

This is it.

I don't believe anything from you anymore.

I don't believe you are a professional...

I don't believe you have local knowledge...

I don't even believe that your name is Virgil.

You are incompetent.

-That is it. -Are you quite finished?

No. We still have to see Fish.

I want to go and see the body myself. Take me there now.

You know what, Dragan?

Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm not a professional.

What if... what if Fish is alive?

I shoot him.

And what if he's already dead?

I shoot him again.

And what if he's not there at all?

I shoot you.

Okay, that 's...

Open the fuckin' door!

Come on, it 's me you want, not her!

-Go away! -Come on, open the door!

Open the door!

-If you've harmed her, I'll find... -And do what? Enlighten me.

I've got your money. Okay?

Look at you. Certainly very John Wayne.

The hero who sacrifices his own life for the damsel in distress.

I am the hero! The one who kills! Dying's easy, anyone can do it.

It 's 50 grand in a case, and only I know where it is!

-I don't care about it. Sleep well. -You care about the other call I had.

Go on.

Be careful, the towel's hot.

Does that feel good?

And what 's with you, Hopsing?

Say something.

I said, talk!

Put that thing away, would you?

This isn't America. People don't take kindly to that sort of cowboy antics.

-Maybe he's an imbecile, like you! -He doesn't speak English, Dragan.

-Like you. -Virgil, you're just a time-waster.

-I will not speak to you anymore! -Good!

-Good! -That would be just fine with me.

-Now look what you've done! -I did not do anything.

-Yes you did. You've killed him! -No, I did not!

-Yes you did, he's quite dead! -No, he... he's alive. Get up!

Don't kick him! He was more than a faithful footman, he was my friend!

Stand up!

Maybe your people sleep with their eyes open, Dracul...

but I don't think vampires have spread to the Kwong Jo province!

This is your fault. Everything is your fault.

This whole day is your fault! In any case, we're going!

How? You've killed our only means of transportation!

You will drive me there!

I know in certain terms... Would you kindly unhand...?

I know in certain terms I'm not gonna drive you around in that!

Look, I told you. I pretended I was you.

Things got out a hand. I did your job.

-How? -He's dead. What more do you need?

-His name? -Samuel Fish.

Samuel Fish?

Well, I hope for both our sakes...

we find a dead Fish.

Are you all right back there, my little princess?

I love you too.

Klein, you wee shite!

I knew I'd find you. You think you can hide from me, you wee fucker?

You can never escape the Devine. You can never escape the Devine!

I thought you'd rather enjoy traversing back streets with speed.

Pardon me. Perfect symbiosis between man and machine, isn't it?

-It 's been popular for centuries. -That 's it!

Well, as I suspected, there he is.

Now that I found him, you are of little use to me, Virgil.

Now that you have found him?!

Don't think for one minute that you get credit for locating the target!

That... Terribly sorry. I've hunted since the moment I've got the call!

It 's no wonder that no one wants to work with you for a second time.

Lies.

Those are lies!

I'm very popular!

And I will not take responsibility for other people's mistakes!

I'm a professional! My reputation is clean.

I'm the best at what I do! I am...

-Fuckin' loser! -I'll pay. I'm sorry.

Sorry? Is that right?

Sorry! Fuckin' sorry, sorry! It 's all I ever fuckin' hear! ''Sorry.''

You think you can hide from me, Klein? You fuckin' little prick!

''Just in charge.'' Well, stick that right up your fuckin' arse!

There. Proof. There's your dead body. You happy now?

On your knees.

What?

Little prayer's good for the soul. On your knees.

What is the matter with you?

Loaded guns pointing at me, they make me a little nervous.

You know? It 's an American thing. Come on, you got what you want.

No. What I've got was a day of inconvenience and annoyance!

Okay. All right.

But... if you shoot me, you'll never see your money or your phone again.

I told you, I don't give a fuck about the money! Or my phone!

What I want is resting quietly in your van.

Will you keep still? You're beginning to irritate me...

and I don't like feelin' irritated! It 's a British thing!

Fuck it. Sweet dreams, Abe Klein!

Well, well. Of all the people I should run into.

Ren and fuckin' Stimpy. I should kill you right fuckin' now.

But I'm a businessman, so which one of you has got my fuckin' money?

-Danny, now's not such a good time! -Time? What is it with you people?

What about me fuckin' time? I'm a respected member of my community!

Think I got nothin' better to do than runnin' around after you all day...

like a fuckin' mouse in a wheel, round and round and round...

lookin' for a fuckin' piece o' cheese? Time is fuckin' money!

My money! And if you think there's a percentage in this for you...

you can fuckin' think again!

Have you ever listened to yourself?

You tryin' to be funny? You think I am fuckin' funny?

I think you're far from fuckin' funny. Will you keep still?!

Let me tell you somethin', Mr. Big-Fuckin'-Man...

...who wants a slice o' my cream pie. -Danny, this really isn't helping!

Helpin'? What am I, the fuckin' Salvation fuckin' Army?

-You know, sonny, you talk too much. -I talk?

-You're the one who's peckin'... -You talk too much!

I need help. Big help.

And I need it right now!

Thank God I called Fish.

All I wanted was to get my life and Mimi back.

All he needed was the body of a dead Fish and a clear shot.

At least luck and fate seemed to be on our side for once.

Fortunately, Sal and I didn't shoot Fish earlier.

Even better, he didn't shoot us.

Oh,yeah. Danny. Shit. I almost forgot.

I hated to ask Mr. Fish, but desperate times...

seek desperate measures, and anyway, he could afford it now.

Like I said, everybody can have a bad day.

Not necessarily this bad, but you know what?

Somehow, things always work out in the end. Who knows why?

Mimi'll understand. I'm sure she'll understand.

Motherfucker! Darling!

Darling, are you okay?

Are you okay, darling?

-I'm sorry. -Is it all right?

-I love you. -I love you.

-That really hurt. -I'm sorry.

Hey, where is Sal?

Sal?

I don't know.

The last thing I remember telling him was to stay put.

I told you, baby, he never listens to you.

Not at all.