Original subtitles

The hottest day on record at Camp Little Otter

was 108 degrees.

And I was born in that furnace.

They say it's not the heat that gets to people,

it's the humidity,

- whatever that means. - Come back here!

All I know is it makes people do crazy things.

I once saw a girl stab her own brother

over a piece of honeydew melon.

The sun cooks people's brains

until it turns them into something not themselves.

Something mad...

Something primal.

Something hot.

So hot.

So hot.

Sorry. Grown-up stuff.

In all my years here, I've only seen one thing

save a man from the heat crazies.

Okay.

Announcements, announcements, announcements.

The radio says it's gonna be 104 degrees today in the shade.

That said, we are cancelling most outdoor activities,

but Robbie has some super fun stuff

planned for in here and down at the lake.

Stay cool, Little Otters, and have a lovely day.

So weird.

My mom didn't mention my birthday during announcements.

Everybody knows it's your birthday.

- You won't shut up about it. - I have a summer birthday.

I never got the cupcakes or punch at school.

She totally forgot.

She didn't even call me up to run around the dining hall.

Oh, you were dreading that this morning.

That was a ruse.

Where's my song? Where's my cake?

Oh, one more very important announcement.

Remember to hydrate, and use your sunscreen.

- He's looking at me. - Oh, he's totally confused.

I'm sensing a little self-righteous indignation too.

Perfect. He thinks I forgot.

God, I remember my 16th birthday.

The shoplifting, the binge drinking,

and five days later, the crabs.

I loved being 16. I was a class president,

point guard on the basketball team,

dating the hot cheerleader all the other guys wanted.

Plus I had a thrilling, secret gay life

that made me feel like Jason Bourne.

So what do you have planned for Buzz?

Oh, just a little dinner party. And the best birthday present ever:

Night vision goggles, same ones Blackwater uses.

I cannot wait to see the look on his face

when he opens them.

God, I hate Greg.

The only reason he has Marina is because he's a dumpster diver.

Those are my words he's singing.

Yes, it's your Adele-like words,

but it's his boy-band packaging.

He took your over-share and turned it into a panty-peeler

with a surprisingly good bridge.

You make it look so easy.

Well, you know,

it's all about treating the instrument

like an extension of your body.

- Right. - Yeah, I'll show you, here.

So what are...

It looks good.

You don't think they've done it, do you?

- Yes. Yes, I do. - No.

Maybe not, but listen.

This thing's gonna burn brightly, then turn to ash.

Sooner or later, he's gonna run out of hats.

Hey, this just came from your dad.

Well, at least my other parent cares.

No way.

No way, I can't believe he got them!

Night vision goggles!

This is seriously the greatest gift ever.

Hey, mom!

Look what dad got me for my birthday.

He must love me so much.

If anybody wants me,

I'll be in the dark, looking at stuff.

Does Steve have this place bugged?

- What are you gonna do? - What can I do?

Get the little jerk a better present.

Coleman?

Dave Coleman?

The arm from the farm! I thought that was you.

Stu Crawford.

I tried to recruit you for Michigan State back in '03,

but you turned me down for the big leagues.

How you been, bud?

Yeah. No one really calls me "the arm" anymore.

How's that shoulder holding up?

You know, I always wondered what happened to you.

You here with your family?

You know, they got guys who cart those things up for you.

Actually, I am one of those guys.

I'm working here now.

Oh.

That's great.

Yeah.

Ah, there you are.

Listen, I've got to take off for a couple of hours.

You guys are in charge.

The camp binder is in my office.

Yeah, we got it covered, don't worry.

- Thanks. - Listen, we should catch up.

-Why don't you swing by our cabin later? -Absolutely, I will totally do that.

Cole, I've got to go shopping for a couple of hours.

- Would you... - Shopping? I love shopping!

Definitely. No, you don't.

I'm sorry, am I interrupting something?

No, no, we're good here.

I'll see you tonight then, bud!

Definitely. I'll do that.

Jay, can you take those cases to the Taylors' cabin?

Who's driving, me or you?

Psst.

Psst.

Over here.

Be cool, I need a lookout.

I'm pretty sure no one cares if you're looking at stuff in the dark.

Unless that stuff is the leftover booze

from the Ridgefield mixer.

Keep an eye out for my mom.

- She just left with Cole. - Perfect.

This is what we in the business call a golden opportunity.

Uh-huh, and what business would that be?

All I ever wanted for my 16th birthday

was a car with one of those giant bows on it...

Which now seems wildly naive...

And a party that people will talk about for generations.

That, my friend, is our business.

The party business.

And we 'bouts to be in "bidness."

Aw, Buzz, look...

Why can't we be in the air conditioning "bidness" instead?

It's stupid how hot it is.

Kip, Kip, Kip, Kip.

Heat wave plus booze

equals swaty girls losing their inhibition.

There's only one other thing I wanted for my 16th.

- A high-top fade? - No, to finally get some.

I've only ever kissed one girl.

The only things these things have touched is me.

Yeah, we all remember Valentine's Day.

We know where your hands have been.

Shut up.

Look...

If it makes you feel any better...

You've had more action than I ever have.

Wow. That does make me feel better.

Thank you, Kip.

You need this party more than I do.

Hey, Buzz.

Ugh! Dick!

Why would you do that when I'm wearing night vision goggles?

Because it's hilarious.

By the beard of Zeus.

There it is.

The holy grail.

Hold on to your butts, Little Otter.

We're about to throw the hottest party

this camp has ever seen.

Camp 1x05 - Heat Wave - sync and corrected by Zac - - www.addic7ed.com -

Won't we get busted?

I've lived here my whole life, trust me.

When my mom's gone, this place basically shuts down.

It's perfect.

You probably shouldn't tell a lot of people

or bring Greg or whatever.

- Try and keep it contained. - Don't listen to him.

Tell everyone, especially hot girls.

Cabin 13, starts in an hour. And yes on gifts.

Don't be tardy to the party, ladies.

- Don't say "ladies," Buzz. - What's wrong with "ladies"?

- Oh, you can say it. - Yeah, it's okay from you.

I don't think I can make it, guys.

I've still got 11 books left on my summer reading list.

It's summer. Give it a rest.

Grace, how we doing on our S.A.T. Prep?

You finished questions 56 through 75?

Yes. I'm Asian, adopted, and my parents are gay.

How do you like that kind of pressure?

You're the perfect minority trifecta.

You could be illiterate and still get into Harvard.

Also, Grace, honey,

you should probably go through the vocabulary again

- when you get a minute. - Okay.

And who's the most special person in the world?

I am.

- And who loves Grace? - My dads do.

Screw it, I'm in.

Hey, I was looking for you.

Oh, yeah?

What for?

My roommate's gone.

Hmm, interesting. But it's the middle of the day.

Aren't you supposed to be somewhere?

Nope.

I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

Oh, really? That's so weird. 'Cause so am I.

What about an electric guitar?

You ready to listen

to "Smells Like Teen Spirit" at a thousand decibels?

No.

Oh, what about a pneumatic crossbow?

He'd shoot a camper.

- Puppy? - No!

- Ooh! What about a robot? - Nah.

Nah? What, are you crazy?

Buzz would have so much fun building it.

He loved playing with legos when he was a kid.

And it says here

that there's a computer inside that he can learn to program.

- Mack. - And he is an only child.

Are you listening to the words coming out of your mouth?

The best 16th birthday present ever

isn't educational.

You're right. I give up.

Steve wins again.

God, why is everything so hard? Hey, whoa.

Take a breath.

- Have you eaten today? - No. Why?

'Cause you're getting a little irritable.

No, I'm not.

Okay, I'm taking over. Scooch.

We're gonna buy some food. Then we're gonna make a plan.

We're hoping for some relief from all this heat, Gail.

Yes, it will likely come,

but in the form of some pretty strong thunderstorms

and showers...

Okay, pop singer, super bubbly.

Uh, hopeless romantic.

Writes songs about her breakups.

- Katy Perry. - No.

- Kelly clarkson. - No.

Oh, that awful girl that broke Justin Bieber's heart.

No, no, she's dated

literally every guy under 30 in America.

She wears sparkles and too much red lipstick.

Kanye West stole the microphone from her!

Britney?

What kind of a gay are you? Taylor Swift!

Pick up a People Magazine, why don't you?

Taylor Sw... it's Taylor Swift, you idiots!

Why is it so stinking hot?

Robbie.

Uh, it must just be a brownout.

I'll call the power company and see what the deal is.

In the meantime, we'll get the generator going.

Nobody panic.

I'm gonna go get the car and turn on the a.C.,

and we'll drive till we find a hotel with power.

Mack would kill us.

We made it through half the summer.

We put in the time.

Do the kids get a vote in this, or is it only for the overlords?

Fyodor, honey, use your words.

He doesn't want to leave!

He won't earn all his ranger patches.

Fine, Grace, you're in charge of Fyodor.

We're gonna go into town and find some battery-operated fans.

I kinda had something to do.

We'll only be gone a few hours, so watch your brother.

Buzz won't be back, okay?

He's too busy setting up for his party.

You don't want to go, do you?

- Way below my social pay grade. - Good.

I mean, I-I didn't think so.

Do you like Marina or something?

No.

We're just friends.

Good.

Will you quit smiling?

Happiness is not really an aphrodisiac for me.

Sorry.

We are so screwed.

Can we get another one?

Yeah.

But you'll have to make a deal with the devil.

Roger? Why me?

- He likes you better. - No.

He'll trap me in some, like, ten-hour conversation

about why I don't go work for his camp.

So tell him that you're loyal and have self - respect.

I think you should go.

I have, like, 40 things that I have to take care of here.

I'm saving you, trust me. People get nasty in the heat.

I give it ten minutes

before they start raping and pillaging.

Mmm.

You're right, food does help.

Especially this crap, which is awesome.

Double cheese... I never eat like this anymore.

Enjoy your life.

Every day I like to have three awesome things happen.

Three? That's a lot.

I know, I'm ambitious. This here is one.

I'll jump on that.

- What are you doing here? - What do you mean?

- Helping you buy a present. - Uh-huh.

Who's that guy you were talking to?

You seemed extremely anxious to get away.

He tried to draft me out of high school

to Michigan State.

Baseball.

Wow.

I injured my shoulder,

but I didn't want to go on injured reserve.

So instead of having surgery,

I just kept getting injections and taking pain medication.

By the time the season was over,

so was my pitching career.

Must have been awful.

I can't believe you've never told me this.

So what happened after you left baseball?

I spun out for a while. It was pretty messy.

That was over eight years ago.

Boy, life is tough.

It just gets harder and harder.

Life is awesome, Mack.

Focus. 16.

What were you doing when you were 16?

- Me? - Yeah.

Getting high, roaming around the mall,

looking at posters, trying on clothes.

Go to the arcade. God, it was so fun.

Believe it or not, I have everything we need to recreate that.

Hmm?

Let's go.

If you could go anywhere in the world right now,

where would you go?

Probably somewhere with air conditioning,

a bigger bed.

Babe, your hair's sort of sticking to my chest.

It's kinda too hot to cuddle, right?

Oh, yeah, sure.

I'd go somewhere really cold,

like the top of Mount Everest

or skiing in the Swiss Alps.

I've never been skiing before.

Seriously? Never?

That's crazy.

Hey, we should probably get going.

I don't want the booze to run out

before we even get there, right?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Thanks.

That was really fun, by the way.

Hey, man.

Dude, where have you been?

Oh, I had to do a thing in the kitchen.

Oh, yeah? I was just there getting snacks.

I didn't see you.

That's weird.

Yeah, it is.

Sorry, boys, had a little business to take care of.

- What's going on? - Hey.

Peach schnapps? Nice!

Greg, I didn't know you'd be here.

Hey.

Hey, Chloe.

Sarah. What a lovely surprise.

What brings you to Ridgefield today?

Selling my soul for a generator.

Sounds devious.

It is.

Thanks.

How about you? Enjoying nature's sauna?

I just got some dark chocolate- pomegranate-cinnamon "rogelato,"

which I intend to consume in my air-conditioned cabin.

Well, enjoy.

Wanna join me?

Why would I do that?

Because the last time I saw you, you kissed me.

I was temporarily insane.

Maybe you were thinking so clearly,

it seemed like insanity,

but in fact, you were operating

on a higher plane of consciousness.

No, that's not working.

It's the heat. It's messing with my game.

I'm just saying words to try to get you into my cabin.

I gotta go.

If you change your mind, cabin 26.

I think you know where it is.

I'll be five minutes, okay? Don't go anywhere.

Happy Birthday!

I just wanted to drop this off.

A gift!

How thoughtful.

Let's get this thing started.

Whoo!

Come on, one shot. For my birthday.

To me! Whoo!

- Cheers! - Happy Birthday, buddy.

All: Oh.

- Whoo - Hoo!

Hey.

How was the kitchen?

It... it was the kitchen, wasn't it?

Anything you wanna share with your old pal Buzz?

No.

Nothing life-changing or whatever?

'Cause, you know, I would tell you,

since we're really good friends.

It was just a kitchen, man.

Hey. Get a room, you two.

We have a room, Greg.

We're having a party in it.

Buzz, what are you doing?

Hey!

Let's turn this thing up a notch.

Who wants to play truth or dare?

Ow!

I'm gonna make you eat my dust.

This ain't Ms. Pac-Man. No way you're passing me.

It's happening. Whoo!

No!

Oh!

Ah!

I think that was my second awesome thing.

I play video games all the time,

but the fact that this is your second awesome thing

makes it my second awesome thing.

Whoo!

We both know what these degenerates want.

- Two things. - Girls and cars.

And if they get a car, they have a better shot

at getting a girl.

Let's get Buzz a car.

Are we sure this is a good idea?

Truth or dare?

Truth.

Have you ever sent a naked picture of yourself to a guy?

I'm pretty sure you know I have.

I know, it's just fun to talk about it.

Hey, enough with the boobs.

Were you not breast-fed as a child?

Let's keep this on the positive tip, okay?

I dare you to kiss Greg.

Oh, my God, that is so embarrassing!

Buzz...

Truth or dare?

Dare.

But nothing too crazy, like kiss someone.

I dare... I dare you to kiss...

Put hot sauce down your pants!

No way. That's hilarious!

- Do it! - Do it!

You have to do it!

It's your turn.

All: Do it! Do it!

Do it! Do it! Do it!

Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!

Do it!

Hot sauce!

- Oh, God. - Oh, he's actually doing it.

- Not happy. - It's so gonna hurt.

Not a happy...

Down there, that's right.

Oh! Watch it.

Fyodor!

Yes!

Oh! Ohh!

Oh!

Fyo!

You have air conditioning in your stable.

The air's always on here. We have our own power grid.

And an olympic-sized swimming pool.

Have the best of everything.

Did I mention our new premium gelato bar?

You should try it.

I call it "rogelato." I know.

You told me twice already.

Look, I don't want a job here.

I-I just want the generator.

You're an aspiring olympic athlete.

Don't you want a gold-medal job?

I'm happy where I am, thank you.

May I borrow the generator or not?

I don't know.

Let's ask falcore.

Seriously?

You're gonna buy a car from Roger? Why?

He has two cars for sale, and he likes me.

He'll give me a deal.

Are you sure you can afford this?

You're not using your food money or anything?

What are you, my mom?

No, I'm not using my food money.

All right, then at least let me handle it.

Play it cool until we get to the negotiation.

I was born cool.

Oh, my God, this is the best thing ever.

Oprah thought so.

That's why it's one of her favorite things.

You know what another is?

That's hilarious. You're so funny, Roger.

Smod-ger.

And you're stoned.

You guys got stoned together.

Nice. That's fun, isn't it? Getting high at work. Fun.

Nothing but fun and games at Little Otter.

Not a worry in the world.

Rog...

Just chill. We're... we're here on official business.

We wanna buy a car.

Oh. From me?

Sure, of course, um, let me think.

Do I have any cars that run on cotton candy

and bong water?

No.

- Rog, we want to see the, um... - Gray SUV.

That you're selling, if that's okay...

With you.

This is real?

Mm. Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Well, follow me, stoners.

Kip,

truth or dare?

- Truth. - Oh!

Have you kissed anyone at this camp?

No.

- I don't believe you. - Oh.

Not my problem.

If I have to set my junk on fire,

you have to tell the truth.

Did you kiss someone?

No.

I don't believe you.

Fine.

If you don't believe him, then give him a dare.

Guys, seriously, it's not that difficult.

See, Greg, truth or dare? Truth.

Did you have sex today? Yes.

- See? Simple as that. - Greg.

Thanks, Greg. And there it is.

Kip, you're going down.

Okay, but remember, what comes around goes around.

A good chunk of the country is feeling hot under the collar,

as a heat wave bears down on much of the country.

Your body is God's beautiful creation, Mr. bendele,

but there are children present, so...

- Hey! - Fyo!

Hey, everything okay?

I was supposed to be watching my brother, and he ran off.

I'm sure it's nothing.

God, my dads are gonna kill me.

No one gets lost here. I'm sure he's fine.

How about I help you look for him?

When did you last see him?

Oh, God.

- Oh. - Guys, wait up.

All: Oh.

That's...

That's happening.

Dude, this is getting weird.

- Truth or dare? - Dare.

OMG, would you guys quit it and let someone else play?

You just want a turn, so Chloe can dare you

to molest Greg.

Just one more!

Marina, I dare you to make out with Kip.

Full mouth, 30 seconds.

That's supposed to embarrass me?

Kip, come here.

Marina, you don't have to do this, we can just...

Kip, shut up. Who cares?

I kissed him!

I kissed Kip. He's my secret boyfriend.

- What? - What?

What?

- Well, this is awkward. - All: Oh!

- Shots? - Yes.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, shots, yeah. - I think I'm partied out.

I'm gonna head back.

Happy Birthday, Buzz.

- Come on. - Shots.

- Marina! Marina, I'm sorry. - What?

It's fine. I don't care who you hook up with.

No, it... she wanted to keep it a secret.

It was stupid.

Can you please come back to the party? Please?

I'm fine, Kip. I just wanna be alone.

No, you're obviously not fine.

It's just been a bad day. Everyone sucks. And you?

You're such a hypocrite.

You criticize Greg all the time, and then you're with her?

Okay, well, I guess we both like a-holes.

I don't think we should hang out for a while.

I'll see you around.

His ranger pack's gone.

My dads were talking about leaving,

and he got worried about not earning all his patches.

Well, the good news is we know where he is.

He's in the woods.

The bad news is we have to tell your dads.

They're gonna kill me.

Hey, I promise I'll protect you.

We gotta be honest.

Mm.

Did I mention the satellite radio?

Another unnecessary expense.

Oh, this leather is so soft.

Which is a total deal breaker.

I don't know why so many animals need to be killed

to make car seats.

Comfort, for starters.

I don't know, Mack. I think we made a mistake.

You're right, Cole. Buzz doesn't need a car.

Don't kid yourself, Mack.

This is the best thing you can do as a single parent.

Is this from one of your lectures?

Parenting advice from the childless man?

No, but I know a lot about winning.

Moms and dads aren't just partners in raising a child.

- They're competitors. - That's what I've been saying.

If I ever find out I have a kid...

Which is highly probable...

First thing I'm gonna do, buy her a car.

Game over, I just won.

Great, so she can

get herself home from the strip club in style.

Settle down, psycho.

Boys! Don't make me pull this car over.

You're not driving, burnout.

Fyodor!

Fyo!

Ow!

How long do we have before he gets dehydrated?

Dad, I'm really sorry.

I was only gone for, like, five minutes.

Grace, don't talk to me right now.

In all my time here, we've never lost a camper.

Maybe he's already wandered back,

and Raffi has him at the cabin.

That said, let's just try and pick up the pace a bit.

- Dad? - He's only five years old.

Are you okay?

Can't breathe.

Oh, my God, he's been stung.

He's... he's allergic to bees!

You have to, um, call an ambulance!

He's...

Try and take shallow breaths.

Oh, my God, dad. I'm so sorry.

What the...

Jerks.

Hey, some Ridgefield hoodlums

let the air out of my tire.

Really?

Yeah.

I'm fine. Go and find Fyodor.

Please.

Coo-ee!

Coo-ee!

What are you...

- What are you doing? - Coo-ee!

Coo-ee! Coo-ee!

This way. We'll be back.

Coo-ee!

Fyo!

Oh! You're okay!

Beetle.

Looks like a good one, buddy.

You're amazing.

You saved my brother's life. You saved my dad's life.

Oh, no! Um...

I don't know why I did that.

- It's okay. - I'm sorry.

No, no, it's not okay. Um...

Let's... let's just pretend that it never happened.

What happened? Did something happen?

- Okay. - Yeah.

Clearly that had to happen.

Would have been criminal if it didn't.

Where are you going?

I'm not supposed to eat gelato.

Training.

For the Olympics.

It's good to be bad every once in a while.

Breaks up the monotony.

Since I'm going to hell anyway.

- Mmm. - Stop that.

- Mmm. - You're not even 21.

Oh, my God.

Is that so good because it's bad, or is it just good?

It's just good, silly.

Okay, I have to get the generator

back to Little Otter.

But you have no air in your tire.

I'll borrow one of Roger's atvs and tow it back.

Good plan.

Are you trying to seduce me again?

Who's seducing who here?

I'm so bad.

No. Stop with the guilt.

It doesn't make you a bad person, Sarah.

What does it make me?

Hot as hell.

- Dude! - Marina hates me now.

Then maybe you shouldn't have lied to me, jerk!

Oh, that's why you're mad, because I lied to you.

- When did you become such a girl? - Oh, I'm the girl?

- Yeah. - That's funny.

Because I'm not the one keeping secrets

like a little bitch.

Why didn't you just tell me the truth?

- I thought we were friends. - I didn't tell you anything

because I have cancer and Chloe was gonna tell

the whole camp if I said anything.

You're gonna be mad at me for that?

No.

Now I feel terrible.

He wants $5,000.

- That's way over my budget. - Give me a number.

- 3,000? 3,200? - Done.

He's competing with me right now.

If I tell you not to buy the car,

Roger's got to get you to buy it just to beat me.

- Mm. - Trust me.

This is a contest. I'm gonna win.

So... got a deal?

5 grand? That's crazy. Let's go grab the classifieds.

- Yeah. - He's ripping you off.

Hold on, skippy.

4,500.

Mack, I can find you a car in that price range,

and I'll fix it up for Buzz,

and I'm not even gonna charge you a thing.

- Oh, Cole. You'd really do that? - 4,000.

- Wewe need to go right now. - Okay.

3,700.

Mack, let me do this for you, okay?

I didn't even get Buzz a present.

3,500, not a penny less. We got a deal?

- 3,350? - Done.

So you've been sick for, like, your whole life.

Well, I'm not sick anymore.

But they don't say you're cancer-free

until you hit five years,

and it's only been a year and a half.

That sucks.

So Chloe's, like, really kinky.

Dude, you have no idea.

She's got, like, a death fetish. So weird.

You really made lemonade out of that leukemia.

Just using what God gave me.

I'm sorry I kept everything secret.

I get it.

I was just mad because everyone was getting some

except for me.

- Hey. - Hey.

Truth or dare?

Yeah, we're not playing anymore.

Dare!

- Crap. - I dare you to steal that atv.

Joyride!

Yeah!

Hey.

- Hey! - There you are.

Hey, I looked for you when I got back.

Ryan and his Ridgefield douches let the air out of my tires,

so I had to tow the generator back

on Roger's atv.

It was so annoying.

The air out of your tires? What are they, eight?

Yeah, anyway...

It all worked out, and I got the generator.

How'd it go here?

Oh, nothing too bad.

Stifled a nudist uprising,

found a missing kid, saved a man's life,

oh, and I cheated on you.

Grace kissed me after I found Fyodor.

- She's got a crush, huh? - You know how it is.

Older, handsome, very impressive guy

who saved her dad's life.

Course she has a crush.

Hey, what's the matter?

Nothing. I just... I got to get ready for dinner.

It's like... blah... a million things to do, so...

We are expecting triple-digit heat

at least till tomorrow night.

With temps reaching 108 degrees in some counties,

it's pretty sticky out there.

Whoo!

My stomach feels a little funny.

The whiskey and schnapps don't seem to mix so well.

You guys gonna chicken out?

Shut up, Greg.

There we go.

- Do it! - I can't turn!

You gotta lean into it!

Dude, wrong way! You're looking me in the eye!

- Slow down. Slow down! - I'm trying!

I can't stop this thing!

3,350. Can you believe it?

I think that was my third awesome thing.

Thanks, Cole.

You made my crappy day awesome.

That's my job.

I had a really nice day with you.

Thanks for telling me about the baseball thing.

I can't believe that I didn't know that about you.

It's not something I really talk about

to very many people.

You guys, come on. Follow me!

- Uh - Oh.

What's happening?

- Can you hear that? - Mm-hmm.

I don't like it!

Happy sweet 16, man!

We're gonna die!

That was awesome!

Did we die?

Are we dead?

Not yet.

Mom, you're back early.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

I'm sorry, mom.

Your dad came by for your dinner.

I don't know if you remember.

Your head was in the toilet.

I'm really, really sorry.

I'm an idiot.

Yeah, you are. But so am I.

I'm the one that spent the day trying to outdo your dad

and get you the best birthday present ever.

Mom.

What'd you get me?

Oh, mom.

You're the best mom ever!

Which is why you're driving it back.

You can have a car

when you prove that you're ready for one.

What? You're making me drive it back?

That's psychological punishment on a whole other level.

This ain't my first rodeo.

Five, four, three...

- Can we take the highway? - No.

Hey.

Who's the most special girl in the world?

I'm not.

I'm sorry. Honey, it was an accident.

It happens to all of us.

One time, I lost you at the mall.

- When? - It doesn't matter.

Who loves you more than anybody?

You guys do.

Forget about your summer reading for a while.

Your dad and I want you to have a great summer.

It's already halfway over.

You should wear your hair like this.

It's much cuter.

I'm so glad everything is out in the open.

Isn't this so much better?

Yeah.

Hey.

I think I can get my hands on a boat later on

if you want to go sailing.

I don't know, maybe.

I'm sorry about yesterday.

I think I had way too much schnapps.

You think?

I-I just don't get it.

What happened to that sweet guy who wrote me that song?

I know.

I messed up.

But I'm still that guy, and...

And being with you makes me want to be better.

What time do you want to go sailing?

How you feeling?

Bummed.

I really wanted to buy that little idiot a car.

Ah. He would have wrecked it.

- You probably saved his life. - Yeah.

He's not ready.

Yesterday was still fun, though.

I like three awesome things every day.

Why not?

All kinds of reasons.

Let me know when you think of a good one.