All language subtitles for Camp.S01E05.WEB-DL.x264-FW

The hottest day on
record at Camp Little Otter

was 108 degrees.

And I was born
in that furnace.

They say it's not the
heat that gets to people,

it's the humidity,

- whatever that means.
- Come back here!

All I know is it makes
people do crazy things.

I once saw a girl
stab her own brother

over a piece of
honeydew melon.

The sun cooks
people's brains

until it turns them into
something not themselves.

Something mad...

Something primal.

Something hot.

So hot.

So hot.

Sorry. Grown-up stuff.

In all my years here,
I've only seen one thing

save a man from
the heat crazies.

Okay.

Announcements,
announcements, announcements.

The radio says it's gonna be
104 degrees today in the shade.

That said, we are cancelling
most outdoor activities,

but Robbie has
some super fun stuff

planned for in here
and down at the lake.

Stay cool, Little Otters,
and have a lovely day.

So weird.

My mom didn't mention my birthday
during announcements.

Everybody knows
it's your birthday.

- You won't shut up about it.
- I have a summer birthday.

I never got the cupcakes
or punch at school.

She totally forgot.

She didn't even call me up
to run around the dining hall.

Oh, you were dreading
that this morning.

That was a ruse.

Where's my song?
Where's my cake?

Oh, one more very
important announcement.

Remember to hydrate,
and use your sunscreen.

- He's looking at me.
- Oh, he's totally confused.

I'm sensing a little
self-righteous indignation too.

Perfect. He thinks I forgot.

God, I remember
my 16th birthday.

The shoplifting,
the binge drinking,

and five days later,
the crabs.

I loved being 16.
I was a class president,

point guard on the
basketball team,

dating the hot cheerleader
all the other guys wanted.

Plus I had a thrilling,
secret gay life

that made me feel
like Jason Bourne.

So what do you have
planned for Buzz?

Oh, just a little dinner party.
And the best birthday present ever:

Night vision goggles,
same ones Blackwater uses.

I cannot wait to see
the look on his face

when he opens them.

God, I hate Greg.

The only reason he has Marina
is because he's a dumpster diver.

Those are my
words he's singing.

Yes, it's your
Adele-like words,

but it's his
boy-band packaging.

He took your over-share
and turned it into a panty-peeler

with a surprisingly
good bridge.

You make it look so easy.

Well, you know,

it's all about
treating the instrument

like an extension
of your body.

- Right.
- Yeah, I'll show you, here.

So what are...

It looks good.

You don't think
they've done it, do you?

- Yes. Yes, I do.
- No.

Maybe not, but listen.

This thing's gonna burn
brightly, then turn to ash.

Sooner or later, he's
gonna run out of hats.

Hey, this just
came from your dad.

Well, at least my
other parent cares.

No way.

No way, I can't
believe he got them!

Night vision goggles!

This is seriously the
greatest gift ever.

Hey, mom!

Look what dad got
me for my birthday.

He must love me so much.

If anybody wants me,

I'll be in the dark,
looking at stuff.

Does Steve have
this place bugged?

- What are you gonna do?
- What can I do?

Get the little jerk
a better present.

Coleman?

Dave Coleman?

The arm from the farm!
I thought that was you.

Stu Crawford.

I tried to recruit you for
Michigan State back in '03,

but you turned me down
for the big leagues.

How you been, bud?

Yeah. No one really
calls me "the arm" anymore.

How's that shoulder holding up?

You know, I always wondered
what happened to you.

You here with your family?

You know, they got guys who
cart those things up for you.

Actually, I am
one of those guys.

I'm working here now.

Oh.

That's great.

Yeah.

Ah, there you are.

Listen, I've got to take
off for a couple of hours.

You guys are in charge.

The camp binder
is in my office.

Yeah, we got it
covered, don't worry.

- Thanks.
- Listen, we should catch up.

-Why don't you swing by our cabin later?
-Absolutely, I will totally do that.

Cole, I've got to go
shopping for a couple of hours.

- Would you...
- Shopping? I love shopping!

Definitely.
No, you don't.

I'm sorry, am I
interrupting something?

No, no, we're good here.

I'll see you tonight then, bud!

Definitely. I'll do that.

Jay, can you take those
cases to the Taylors' cabin?

Who's driving, me or you?

Psst.

Psst.

Over here.

Be cool, I need a lookout.

I'm pretty sure no one cares if
you're looking at stuff in the dark.

Unless that stuff
is the leftover booze

from the Ridgefield mixer.

Keep an eye out for my mom.

- She just left with Cole.
- Perfect.

This is what we in the business
call a golden opportunity.

Uh-huh, and what
business would that be?

All I ever wanted
for my 16th birthday

was a car with one of
those giant bows on it...

Which now seems wildly naive...

And a party that people will
talk about for generations.

That, my friend,
is our business.

The party business.

And we 'bouts to be in "bidness."

Aw, Buzz, look...

Why can't we be in the air
conditioning "bidness" instead?

It's stupid how hot it is.

Kip, Kip, Kip, Kip.

Heat wave plus booze

equals swaty girls
losing their inhibition.

There's only one other
thing I wanted for my 16th.

- A high-top fade?
- No, to finally get some.

I've only ever
kissed one girl.

The only things these
things have touched is me.

Yeah, we all remember
Valentine's Day.

We know where your
hands have been.

Shut up.

Look...

If it makes you feel any better...

You've had more action
than I ever have.

Wow. That does
make me feel better.

Thank you, Kip.

You need this party
more than I do.

Hey, Buzz.

Ugh! Dick!

Why would you do that when I'm
wearing night vision goggles?

Because it's hilarious.

By the beard of Zeus.

There it is.

The holy grail.

Hold on to your
butts, Little Otter.

We're about to throw
the hottest party

this camp has ever seen.

Camp 1x05 - Heat Wave
- sync and corrected by Zac -
- www.addic7ed.com -

Won't we get busted?

I've lived here my
whole life, trust me.

When my mom's gone, this
place basically shuts down.

It's perfect.

You probably shouldn't
tell a lot of people

or bring Greg or whatever.

- Try and keep it contained.
- Don't listen to him.

Tell everyone,
especially hot girls.

Cabin 13, starts in an hour.
And yes on gifts.

Don't be tardy to
the party, ladies.

- Don't say "ladies," Buzz.
- What's wrong with "ladies"?

- Oh, you can say it.
- Yeah, it's okay from you.

I don't think I
can make it, guys.

I've still got 11 books left
on my summer reading list.

It's summer.
Give it a rest.

Grace, how we doing
on our S.A.T. Prep?

You finished questions
56 through 75?

Yes. I'm Asian, adopted,
and my parents are gay.

How do you like that
kind of pressure?

You're the perfect
minority trifecta.

You could be illiterate
and still get into Harvard.

Also, Grace, honey,

you should probably go
through the vocabulary again

- when you get a minute.
- Okay.

And who's the most
special person in the world?

I am.

- And who loves Grace?
- My dads do.

Screw it, I'm in.

Hey, I was looking for you.

Oh, yeah?

What for?

My roommate's gone.

Hmm, interesting. But
it's the middle of the day.

Aren't you supposed
to be somewhere?

Nope.

I'm exactly where
I'm supposed to be.

Oh, really? That's so weird.
'Cause so am I.

What about an
electric guitar?

You ready to listen

to "Smells Like Teen Spirit"
at a thousand decibels?

No.

Oh, what about a
pneumatic crossbow?

He'd shoot a camper.

- Puppy?
- No!

- Ooh! What about a robot?
- Nah.

Nah? What, are you crazy?

Buzz would have so
much fun building it.

He loved playing with
legos when he was a kid.

And it says here

that there's a computer inside
that he can learn to program.

- Mack.
- And he is an only child.

Are you listening to the
words coming out of your mouth?

The best 16th
birthday present ever

isn't educational.

You're right. I give up.

Steve wins again.

God, why is everything so hard?
Hey, whoa.

Take a breath.

- Have you eaten today?
- No. Why?

'Cause you're getting
a little irritable.

No, I'm not.

Okay, I'm taking over.
Scooch.

We're gonna buy some food.
Then we're gonna make a plan.

We're hoping for some relief
from all this heat, Gail.

Yes, it will likely come,

but in the form of some
pretty strong thunderstorms

and showers...

Okay, pop singer, super bubbly.

Uh, hopeless romantic.

Writes songs
about her breakups.

- Katy Perry.
- No.

- Kelly clarkson.
- No.

Oh, that awful girl that
broke Justin Bieber's heart.

No, no, she's dated

literally every guy
under 30 in America.

She wears sparkles and
too much red lipstick.

Kanye West stole
the microphone from her!

Britney?

What kind of a gay
are you? Taylor Swift!

Pick up a People Magazine,
why don't you?

Taylor Sw...
it's Taylor Swift, you idiots!

Why is it so stinking hot?

Robbie.

Uh, it must just
be a brownout.

I'll call the power company
and see what the deal is.

In the meantime, we'll
get the generator going.

Nobody panic.

I'm gonna go get the
car and turn on the a.C.,

and we'll drive till we
find a hotel with power.

Mack would kill us.

We made it through
half the summer.

We put in the time.

Do the kids get a vote in this,
or is it only for the overlords?

Fyodor, honey,
use your words.

He doesn't want to leave!

He won't earn all his
ranger patches.

Fine, Grace, you're
in charge of Fyodor.

We're gonna go into town and
find some battery-operated fans.

I kinda had something to do.

We'll only be gone a few hours,
so watch your brother.

Buzz won't be back, okay?

He's too busy setting
up for his party.

You don't want to go, do you?

- Way below my social pay grade.
- Good.

I mean, I-I didn't think so.

Do you like Marina
or something?

No.

We're just friends.

Good.

Will you quit smiling?

Happiness is not really
an aphrodisiac for me.

Sorry.

We are so screwed.

Can we get another one?

Yeah.

But you'll have to make
a deal with the devil.

Roger? Why me?

- He likes you better.
- No.

He'll trap me in some,
like, ten-hour conversation

about why I don't
go work for his camp.

So tell him that you're loyal
and have self - respect.

I think you should go.

I have, like, 40 things that
I have to take care of here.

I'm saving you, trust me.
People get nasty in the heat.

I give it ten minutes

before they start
raping and pillaging.

Mmm.

You're right,
food does help.

Especially this crap,
which is awesome.

Double cheese... I never
eat like this anymore.

Enjoy your life.

Every day I like to have
three awesome things happen.

Three? That's a lot.

I know, I'm ambitious.
This here is one.

I'll jump on that.

- What are you doing here?
- What do you mean?

- Helping you buy a present.
- Uh-huh.

Who's that guy you were talking to?

You seemed extremely
anxious to get away.

He tried to draft
me out of high school

to Michigan State.

Baseball.

Wow.

I injured my shoulder,

but I didn't want to
go on injured reserve.

So instead of having surgery,

I just kept getting injections
and taking pain medication.

By the time the season was over,

so was my pitching career.

Must have been awful.

I can't believe you've
never told me this.

So what happened after
you left baseball?

I spun out for a while.
It was pretty messy.

That was over
eight years ago.

Boy, life is tough.

It just gets
harder and harder.

Life is awesome, Mack.

Focus. 16.

What were you doing
when you were 16?

- Me?
- Yeah.

Getting high, roaming
around the mall,

looking at posters,
trying on clothes.

Go to the arcade.
God, it was so fun.

Believe it or not, I have
everything we need to recreate that.

Hmm?

Let's go.

If you could go anywhere
in the world right now,

where would you go?

Probably somewhere
with air conditioning,

a bigger bed.

Babe, your hair's sort
of sticking to my chest.

It's kinda too hot to cuddle, right?

Oh, yeah, sure.

I'd go somewhere really cold,

like the top
of Mount Everest

or skiing in the Swiss Alps.

I've never been skiing before.

Seriously? Never?

That's crazy.

Hey, we should
probably get going.

I don't want the
booze to run out

before we even
get there, right?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Thanks.

That was really fun,
by the way.

Hey, man.

Dude, where have you been?

Oh, I had to do a
thing in the kitchen.

Oh, yeah? I was just
there getting snacks.

I didn't see you.

That's weird.

Yeah, it is.

Sorry, boys, had a little
business to take care of.

- What's going on?
- Hey.

Peach schnapps?
Nice!

Greg, I didn't
know you'd be here.

Hey.

Hey, Chloe.

Sarah.
What a lovely surprise.

What brings you to
Ridgefield today?

Selling my soul
for a generator.

Sounds devious.

It is.

Thanks.

How about you?
Enjoying nature's sauna?

I just got some dark chocolate-
pomegranate-cinnamon "rogelato,"

which I intend to consume
in my air-conditioned cabin.

Well, enjoy.

Wanna join me?

Why would I do that?

Because the last time
I saw you, you kissed me.

I was temporarily insane.

Maybe you were
thinking so clearly,

it seemed like insanity,

but in fact,
you were operating

on a higher plane
of consciousness.

No, that's not working.

It's the heat. It's
messing with my game.

I'm just saying words to
try to get you into my cabin.

I gotta go.

If you change your
mind, cabin 26.

I think you
know where it is.

I'll be five minutes, okay?
Don't go anywhere.

Happy Birthday!

I just wanted
to drop this off.

A gift!

How thoughtful.

Let's get this thing started.

Whoo!

Come on, one shot.
For my birthday.

To me!
Whoo!

- Cheers!
- Happy Birthday, buddy.

All: Oh.

- Whoo
- Hoo!

Hey.

How was the kitchen?

It... it was the
kitchen, wasn't it?

Anything you wanna share
with your old pal Buzz?

No.

Nothing life-changing
or whatever?

'Cause, you know,
I would tell you,

since we're really
good friends.

It was just a kitchen, man.

Hey. Get a room, you two.

We have a room, Greg.

We're having a party in it.

Buzz, what are you doing?

Hey!

Let's turn this
thing up a notch.

Who wants to play
truth or dare?

Ow!

I'm gonna make
you eat my dust.

This ain't Ms. Pac-Man.
No way you're passing me.

It's happening. Whoo!

No!

Oh!

Ah!

I think that was
my second awesome thing.

I play video
games all the time,

but the fact that this is
your second awesome thing

makes it my second
awesome thing.

Whoo!

We both know what
these degenerates want.

- Two things.
- Girls and cars.

And if they get a car,
they have a better shot

at getting a girl.

Let's get Buzz a car.

Are we sure this
is a good idea?

Truth or dare?

Truth.

Have you ever sent a naked
picture of yourself to a guy?

I'm pretty sure
you know I have.

I know, it's just
fun to talk about it.

Hey, enough with the boobs.

Were you not
breast-fed as a child?

Let's keep this on
the positive tip, okay?

I dare you to kiss Greg.

Oh, my God, that
is so embarrassing!

Buzz...

Truth or dare?

Dare.

But nothing too crazy,
like kiss someone.

I dare... I dare
you to kiss...

Put hot sauce
down your pants!

No way. That's hilarious!

- Do it!
- Do it!

You have to do it!

It's your turn.

All: Do it! Do it!

Do it! Do it! Do it!

Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!

Do it!

Hot sauce!

- Oh, God.
- Oh, he's actually doing it.

- Not happy.
- It's so gonna hurt.

Not a happy...

Down there, that's right.

Oh! Watch it.

Fyodor!

Yes!

Oh! Ohh!

Oh!

Fyo!

You have air
conditioning in your stable.

The air's always on here.
We have our own power grid.

And an olympic-sized
swimming pool.

Have the best of everything.

Did I mention our new
premium gelato bar?

You should try it.

I call it "rogelato."
I know.

You told me twice already.

Look, I don't
want a job here.

I-I just want
the generator.

You're an aspiring
olympic athlete.

Don't you want
a gold-medal job?

I'm happy where
I am, thank you.

May I borrow the
generator or not?

I don't know.

Let's ask falcore.

Seriously?

You're gonna buy a
car from Roger? Why?

He has two cars for
sale, and he likes me.

He'll give me a deal.

Are you sure you
can afford this?

You're not using your
food money or anything?

What are you, my mom?

No, I'm not using
my food money.

All right, then at
least let me handle it.

Play it cool until we
get to the negotiation.

I was born cool.

Oh, my God, this is
the best thing ever.

Oprah thought so.

That's why it's one
of her favorite things.

You know what another is?

That's hilarious.
You're so funny, Roger.

Smod-ger.

And you're stoned.

You guys got
stoned together.

Nice. That's fun, isn't it?
Getting high at work. Fun.

Nothing but fun and
games at Little Otter.

Not a worry in the world.

Rog...

Just chill. We're... we're
here on official business.

We wanna buy a car.

Oh. From me?

Sure, of course,
um, let me think.

Do I have any cars
that run on cotton candy

and bong water?

No.

- Rog, we want to see the, um...
- Gray SUV.

That you're selling,
if that's okay...

With you.

This is real?

Mm. Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Well, follow me, stoners.

Kip,

truth or dare?

- Truth.
- Oh!

Have you kissed
anyone at this camp?

No.

- I don't believe you.
- Oh.

Not my problem.

If I have to set
my junk on fire,

you have to tell the truth.

Did you kiss someone?

No.

I don't believe you.

Fine.

If you don't believe
him, then give him a dare.

Guys, seriously,
it's not that difficult.

See, Greg,
truth or dare? Truth.

Did you have sex today?
Yes.

- See? Simple as that.
- Greg.

Thanks, Greg.
And there it is.

Kip, you're going down.

Okay, but remember,
what comes around goes around.

A good chunk of the country
is feeling hot under the collar,

as a heat wave bears down
on much of the country.

Your body is God's beautiful
creation, Mr. bendele,

but there are
children present, so...

- Hey!
- Fyo!

Hey, everything okay?

I was supposed to be watching
my brother, and he ran off.

I'm sure it's nothing.

God, my dads are
gonna kill me.

No one gets lost here.
I'm sure he's fine.

How about I help
you look for him?

When did you last see him?

Oh, God.

- Oh.
- Guys, wait up.

All: Oh.

That's...

That's happening.

Dude, this is getting weird.

- Truth or dare?
- Dare.

OMG, would you guys quit it
and let someone else play?

You just want a turn,
so Chloe can dare you

to molest Greg.

Just one more!

Marina, I dare you
to make out with Kip.

Full mouth, 30 seconds.

That's supposed
to embarrass me?

Kip, come here.

Marina, you don't have
to do this, we can just...

Kip, shut up. Who cares?

I kissed him!

I kissed Kip.
He's my secret boyfriend.

- What?
- What?

What?

- Well, this is awkward.
- All: Oh!

- Shots?
- Yes.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, shots, yeah.
- I think I'm partied out.

I'm gonna head back.

Happy Birthday, Buzz.

- Come on.
- Shots.

- Marina! Marina, I'm sorry.
- What?

It's fine. I don't
care who you hook up with.

No, it... she wanted
to keep it a secret.

It was stupid.

Can you please come back
to the party? Please?

I'm fine, Kip.
I just wanna be alone.

No, you're obviously not fine.

It's just been a bad day.
Everyone sucks. And you?

You're such a hypocrite.

You criticize Greg all the time,
and then you're with her?

Okay, well, I guess
we both like a-holes.

I don't think we should
hang out for a while.

I'll see you around.

His ranger pack's gone.

My dads were talking
about leaving,

and he got worried about
not earning all his patches.

Well, the good news
is we know where he is.

He's in the woods.

The bad news is we
have to tell your dads.

They're gonna kill me.

Hey, I promise
I'll protect you.

We gotta be honest.

Mm.

Did I mention the
satellite radio?

Another unnecessary expense.

Oh, this leather is so soft.

Which is a total
deal breaker.

I don't know why so many
animals need to be killed

to make car seats.

Comfort, for starters.

I don't know, Mack.
I think we made a mistake.

You're right, Cole.
Buzz doesn't need a car.

Don't kid yourself, Mack.

This is the best thing you
can do as a single parent.

Is this from one of your lectures?

Parenting advice from
the childless man?

No, but I know a
lot about winning.

Moms and dads aren't just
partners in raising a child.

- They're competitors.
- That's what I've been saying.

If I ever find
out I have a kid...

Which is highly probable...

First thing I'm gonna
do, buy her a car.

Game over, I just won.

Great, so she can

get herself home from
the strip club in style.

Settle down, psycho.

Boys! Don't make me
pull this car over.

You're not driving, burnout.

Fyodor!

Fyo!

Ow!

How long do we have
before he gets dehydrated?

Dad, I'm really sorry.

I was only gone for,
like, five minutes.

Grace, don't talk
to me right now.

In all my time here,
we've never lost a camper.

Maybe he's already
wandered back,

and Raffi has
him at the cabin.

That said, let's just try
and pick up the pace a bit.

- Dad?
- He's only five years old.

Are you okay?

Can't breathe.

Oh, my God, he's been stung.

He's... he's
allergic to bees!

You have to, um,
call an ambulance!

He's...

Try and take shallow breaths.

Oh, my God, dad.
I'm so sorry.

What the...

Jerks.

Hey, some
Ridgefield hoodlums

let the air out of my tire.

Really?

Yeah.

I'm fine.
Go and find Fyodor.

Please.

Coo-ee!

Coo-ee!

What are you...

- What are you doing?
- Coo-ee!

Coo-ee! Coo-ee!

This way. We'll be back.

Coo-ee!

Fyo!

Oh! You're okay!

Beetle.

Looks like a
good one, buddy.

You're amazing.

You saved my brother's life.
You saved my dad's life.

Oh, no! Um...

I don't know why I did that.

- It's okay.
- I'm sorry.

No, no, it's not okay. Um...

Let's... let's just pretend
that it never happened.

What happened?
Did something happen?

- Okay.
- Yeah.

Clearly that had to happen.

Would have been
criminal if it didn't.

Where are you going?

I'm not supposed
to eat gelato.

Training.

For the Olympics.

It's good to be bad
every once in a while.

Breaks up the monotony.

Since I'm going
to hell anyway.

- Mmm.
- Stop that.

- Mmm.
- You're not even 21.

Oh, my God.

Is that so good because
it's bad, or is it just good?

It's just good, silly.

Okay, I have to
get the generator

back to Little Otter.

But you have no
air in your tire.

I'll borrow one of Roger's
atvs and tow it back.

Good plan.

Are you trying to
seduce me again?

Who's seducing who here?

I'm so bad.

No. Stop with the guilt.

It doesn't make you
a bad person, Sarah.

What does it make me?

Hot as hell.

- Dude!
- Marina hates me now.

Then maybe you shouldn't
have lied to me, jerk!

Oh, that's why you're mad,
because I lied to you.

- When did you become such a girl?
- Oh, I'm the girl?

- Yeah.
- That's funny.

Because I'm not the
one keeping secrets

like a little bitch.

Why didn't you just
tell me the truth?

- I thought we were friends.
- I didn't tell you anything

because I have cancer
and Chloe was gonna tell

the whole camp
if I said anything.

You're gonna be
mad at me for that?

No.

Now I feel terrible.

He wants $5,000.

- That's way over my budget.
- Give me a number.

- 3,000? 3,200?
- Done.

He's competing
with me right now.

If I tell you not
to buy the car,

Roger's got to get you
to buy it just to beat me.

- Mm.
- Trust me.

This is a contest.
I'm gonna win.

So... got a deal?

5 grand? That's crazy.
Let's go grab the classifieds.

- Yeah.
- He's ripping you off.

Hold on, skippy.

4,500.

Mack, I can find you a
car in that price range,

and I'll fix it up for Buzz,

and I'm not even gonna
charge you a thing.

- Oh, Cole. You'd really do that?
- 4,000.

- Wewe need to go right now.
- Okay.

3,700.

Mack, let me do
this for you, okay?

I didn't even get
Buzz a present.

3,500, not a penny less.
We got a deal?

- 3,350?
- Done.

So you've been sick
for, like, your whole life.

Well, I'm not sick anymore.

But they don't say
you're cancer-free

until you hit five years,

and it's only been
a year and a half.

That sucks.

So Chloe's, like,
really kinky.

Dude, you have no idea.

She's got, like, a
death fetish. So weird.

You really made lemonade
out of that leukemia.

Just using what God gave me.

I'm sorry I kept
everything secret.

I get it.

I was just mad because
everyone was getting some

except for me.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Truth or dare?

Yeah, we're not playing anymore.

Dare!

- Crap.
- I dare you to steal that atv.

Joyride!

Yeah!

Hey.

- Hey!
- There you are.

Hey, I looked for
you when I got back.

Ryan and his Ridgefield douches
let the air out of my tires,

so I had to tow
the generator back

on Roger's atv.

It was so annoying.

The air out of your tires?
What are they, eight?

Yeah, anyway...

It all worked out,
and I got the generator.

How'd it go here?

Oh, nothing too bad.

Stifled a nudist uprising,

found a missing kid,
saved a man's life,

oh, and I cheated on you.

Grace kissed me
after I found Fyodor.

- She's got a crush, huh?
- You know how it is.

Older, handsome,
very impressive guy

who saved her dad's life.

Course she has a crush.

Hey, what's the matter?

Nothing. I just... I got
to get ready for dinner.

It's like... blah...
a million things to do, so...

We are expecting
triple-digit heat

at least till tomorrow night.

With temps reaching 108
degrees in some counties,

it's pretty sticky out there.

Whoo!

My stomach feels a little funny.

The whiskey and schnapps
don't seem to mix so well.

You guys gonna chicken out?

Shut up, Greg.

There we go.

- Do it!
- I can't turn!

You gotta lean into it!

Dude, wrong way! You're
looking me in the eye!

- Slow down. Slow down!
- I'm trying!

I can't stop this thing!

3,350. Can you believe it?

I think that was my
third awesome thing.

Thanks, Cole.

You made my
crappy day awesome.

That's my job.

I had a really
nice day with you.

Thanks for telling me
about the baseball thing.

I can't believe that I
didn't know that about you.

It's not something
I really talk about

to very many people.

You guys, come on.
Follow me!

- Uh
- Oh.

What's happening?

- Can you hear that?
- Mm-hmm.

I don't like it!

Happy sweet 16, man!

We're gonna die!

That was awesome!

Did we die?

Are we dead?

Not yet.

Mom, you're back early.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

I'm sorry, mom.

Your dad came by
for your dinner.

I don't know
if you remember.

Your head was in the toilet.

I'm really, really sorry.

I'm an idiot.

Yeah, you are.
But so am I.

I'm the one that spent the
day trying to outdo your dad

and get you the best
birthday present ever.

Mom.

What'd you get me?

Oh, mom.

You're the best mom ever!

Which is why you're
driving it back.

You can have a car

when you prove that
you're ready for one.

What? You're making
me drive it back?

That's psychological punishment
on a whole other level.

This ain't my first rodeo.

Five, four, three...

- Can we take the highway?
- No.

Hey.

Who's the most special
girl in the world?

I'm not.

I'm sorry.
Honey, it was an accident.

It happens to all of us.

One time, I lost you at the mall.

- When?
- It doesn't matter.

Who loves you
more than anybody?

You guys do.

Forget about your
summer reading for a while.

Your dad and I want you
to have a great summer.

It's already halfway over.

You should wear
your hair like this.

It's much cuter.

I'm so glad everything
is out in the open.

Isn't this so much better?

Yeah.

Hey.

I think I can get my
hands on a boat later on

if you want to go sailing.

I don't know, maybe.

I'm sorry about yesterday.

I think I had way
too much schnapps.

You think?

I-I just don't get it.

What happened to that sweet
guy who wrote me that song?

I know.

I messed up.

But I'm still that guy, and...

And being with you makes
me want to be better.

What time do you
want to go sailing?

How you feeling?

Bummed.

I really wanted to buy
that little idiot a car.

Ah. He would
have wrecked it.

- You probably saved his life.
- Yeah.

He's not ready.

Yesterday was
still fun, though.

I like three awesome
things every day.

Why not?

All kinds of reasons.

Let me know when you
think of a good one.