Original subtitles

Previously on Bob Hearts Abishola...

Kaale, Mum.

[scoffs] This is how you fold

the shirts?

When my mother sees this,

she will think I did not raise you properly.

Excuse me?

You are going to Nigeria this summer.

I am?

You will behave

and represent this family well.

You also call me every day.

Of course.

Before the plane takes off, after it lands.

Before, during and after every car trip.

Yes, Mum.

Your Auntie Fowoke will love this blender.

I saw it on QVC.

It can chop concrete.

[chuckles]

This one's better than ours.

Of course it is. We don't need something this nice.

But they do? Yes.

So they see how well we are doing in America.

We can show off with expensive electronics

or successful doctor children.

UNCLE TUNDE: So,

until you get your medical license,

you will be our tiny pack mule.

A Nintendo Switch?

I asked for one for my birthday.

And you did not get it because they are ridiculous.

But thank you for your inspiration.

Don't forget the computer for Adeloba

-and the telescope. -Ah. All packed.

And every kind of American confectionary.

Where do I pack my stuff?

You will wear as much of your clothing

as you can fit on your body.

We can shove his underwear inside the blenders.

And put his T-shirts around the champagne bottles

like Bubble Wrap.

["Ifanla" by Sola Akingbola playing]

Hang on, just making a little adjustment.

All right, smooth the shoulders there. Okay.

You ready?

I've been ready, now I'm annoyed.

All right, get out here, get out here.

Ta-da!

-No. -I told you.

I thought you wanted him to look nice.

It is too nice.

People will see him and assume he's wealthy.

And then they will hear his American accent

and know to take all of his money.

Hey, I wear nice clothes and have an American accent.

And in Nigeria, you'd be ripe for the picking,

like an American plum.

Plum? The guy said it was burgundy.

Here. Put this one on.

And when you come out, don't look so fancy.

He's gonna be fine.

I know.

Look, he's got plenty of family there.

They'll keep an eye on him.

But it is not my eye.

I know you're worried, but at some point,

you got to throw the bird from the nest.

And watch it drop to the ground and be eaten by coyotes?

I was gonna say so it could learn to fly.

I just wish I could keep track of him while he's over there.

Well, then, do it.

Do what? Track his phone.

-I can do that? -Yeah.

Why didn't you tell me I could do that?

Show me. Show me now!

All right.

You're up here. Bring it down...

What do you guys think of this suit?

I love it.

It reminds me of a big, juicy plum.

Why didn't you tell me I look like fruit?

Bob, even I know you can't call people that anymore.

Is Dele excited for his trip?

Yeah. You should've seen him all dressed up.

He's a little man now, you know?

Ready to venture out into the world on his own.

Well, with his dad.

And his mom tracking him like a FedEx package.

Good, 'cause the minute you let 'em out of your sight,

that's when bad things happen.

You let me go to sleepaway camp.

And you came back a hippie.

You got off the bus, handed me a dream catcher

and asked me who I voted for.

BOB: She said "Reagan,"

and then tossed the dream catcher

right out the car window.

You know who catches dreams? Witches.

So you wouldn't let us go

to sleepaway camp because Bob came back a Democrat?

And a witch. Listen, honey,

a mother's job is to control her children's thoughts

for as long as she can.

I don't think that's their job.

It's called love.

It's called codependence.

That's right, sweetie. You can always codepend on me.

Hmm. Well, I have six therapists and a psychic

who would agree with you.

Well, I'm glad Dele's getting away from Abishola

for a little while. I think it'll be good for both of them.

Did you tell Abishola that?

Ooh, God, no.

Dele's on the move.

Ah-- He's going to the bathroom again.

How many breaks does he need?

Does he have a tiny bladder?

-No. -Then he is smoking.

I will sniff him thoroughly when he gets home.

Isn't technology wonderful?

Look at us, floating above him,

watching every move he makes.

You used to have to be dead to do that.

You gonna stalk that little dot all day?

Yes. Yes.

Oh, this is gonna be a fun lunch.

Just don't let Dele find out.

I used to read my daughter's diary.

She called me terrible things.

Then one day, she wrote how kind and loving and wise I was.

It was then I knew my source had been compromised.

With my kids, I always said, "the less I know, the better."

I'm sorry, I thought you loved your children.

I do.

And if I don't know what they're up to,

I can keep loving them.

Wait, why is the dot going in a circle?

Maybe he's running track.

Oh, yes.

Why is he moving so slow?

Does he have a problem with his feet?

-No. -Then it is the smoking.

I appreciate you guys helping me out.

I'm making a little guidebook for Dele while he's in Lagos.

GOODWIN: Of course.

We will be your guidebook guides.[chuckles]

Why am I here?

Yes, why are you here?

You know what? I'll just have a muffin

and chime in when it seems appropriate.

What is in this guidebook?

You know, things to see, places to eat.

Just stuff I think he'd like.

If you don't mind me saying, Mr. Wheeler,

I think that is very reterete.

Silly?

Adorable.

Hey, knock it off.

I think it is wonderful you are

trying to connect with your stepson.

Eh, it's just a little gesture.

He's always been reterete.

When I was a kid, he would make up bedtime stories

about me and my pet dinosaur.

Terry the T. rex.

BOTH: Aw.

See? Reterete.

Quit smiling at me like that.

Is this Awolowo Road?

Yeah, I was using Google Street View to pretend like Dele and I

were walking around the neighborhood together.

I'm doing it again. Sorry.

Don't you dare apologize for your beautiful heart.

When you said something was wrong with Dele,

I thought he was hurt.

Oh, he will be when I find him.

Turn here.

You know, that tracking thing is supposed to be

more of a tool than a weapon.

He said he had dance practice after school.

Instead he is at the park and his dot is not dancing.

I'm just saying, you go looking for trouble,

you might find it.

There he is. Pull over.

BOB: See? He's studying.

Okay, he's studying with a friend.

Okay, they're kissing before they study.

[horn honking]

Dele! She's coming!

She's just a friend.

It was the first time we kissed.

O-Okay, it wasn't our first kiss.

But-but she's a straight-A student.

A-And so am I.

I never get in trouble at school,

I always do what I'm told,

but I barely get to see any of my friends.

Please, Mum.

I'm sorry. I just wanted to say goodbye to her

before I go away for the summer.

Yell at me, disown me, please just say something.

Straight A's, huh?

She's smart, like your mom.

[chuckles] Sorry.

The boy is an amateur.

It only took moments of interrogation

before Dele sang like a canary.

What did he say?

The girl's name is Mary.

14. Capricorn.

Other than the park,

the majority of their correspondence was

-via something called TikTok. -What?

TikTok-- known for short dance videos.

Oh, you should see them.

They're very fun.

How far have things gone between them?

Ask him if there's been more

than kissing and canoodling.

I'll see what other songs this little birdie knows.

Are you sure you don't want to talk to him yourself?

I will not give him the satisfaction.

Yelling at him is exactly what he wants.

I don't know if that's exactly what he wants.

Is it really worth it

to fight with him right before he goes to Nigeria?

He is not going to Nigeria.

Ah! You cannot cancel the trip.

Blenders have been promised.

He does not deserve to go.

Do not punish our relatives because the boy is promiscuous.

It was just a kiss.

Because we stopped it.

Otherwise, we would be dealing with a teenage pregnancy.

-Would we? -Yes!

And he would have to drop out of school

and never become a doctor!

How will he support his family without a good job?

What family?

His wife and the three children

he got from kissing her.

[scoffs] And you know who

will have to take care of the children, Bob?

You?

Yes! And I'll be so busy

taking care of my own grandchildren,

I will never become a doctor.

Ah. If all that happens,

I'll watch the kids. No.

You have to keep the sock business going

so that Dele and all his children can have jobs.

Ah!

It's been going on for two months.

How could I not see it?

It is understandable.

Many things have changed.

You now have a fiancé.

You're studying to become a doctor.

You've forgotten some of your Nigerian values.

I have not forgotten.

I've always been very strict with Dele.

And yet this is the second time he has deceived you.

Before with his dancing,

and now with his romantic rendezvous.

As soon as I discovered the dancing,

I should have sent him home,

instead of trying to do things the American way.

Hmm. And now your son is having his "American way"

with a strange girl in the park.

Well, maybe it's the right thing for Dele

to be in Nigeria with his father.

Hmm. When my eldest son started disobeying me,

I sent him back home to live with his grandfather.

And after those two years of good discipline,

he came back focused and unrecognizable.

Isn't that the son that hardly talks to you?

Yes, he blocks my calls,

but he's a successful lawyer, and that is what matters.

Meanwhile, I never sent my daughter to Nigeria,

and now she's in a band.

She's in the L.A. Philharmonic.

Okay, a large band.

This is very nice.

Yeah, some people's happy place is a beach.

Ours is a laundromat.

Thank you for showing up and sweeping me

and my dirty towels off our feet.[chuckles]

Hey, you mind if I work

on this little project I'm putting together?

Go ahead.

-It's for Dele. -Okay.

Just writing down some sights and bites he should check out

while he's in Nigeria.

See? "Sights and Bites."

That's very nice of you.

Yeah. Was hoping to get some personal stories in here, too.

You know, from someone who grew up there,

knows the lay of the land,

is related to him.

You could ask Uncle Tunde.

Right.

I kind of thought you might want to do it.

I will not give Dele the satisfaction

of hearing such things from me.

Okay, sure.

I understand your position.

But he is gonna be 6,000 miles

away from his home.

Is that why you brought me here?

To try to get me to talk to Dele?

No. Absolutely not.

You have your cold, scary silent thing,

and I have my reterete guidebook thing.

Okay, I'm shutting up.

That restaurant is closed.

Good to know.

E kaale, Uncle.

Kaale, Tayo.

I will see if Dele is ready.

Oh, thank you.

Tayo.

Bob.

When you land, how long is the drive home

from the airport?

Uh, with traffic, about 40 minutes.

You taking the Apapa-Oworonshoki Expressway?

Probably.

Yeah, that time of night, that's your best bet.

Hey, Dad. Hey.

[chuckles]

Remember, the order people receive the gifts

is as important as the gifts themselves.

Uncle Morayo, Uncle Poju,

Auntie Fowoke, Auntie Ifede,

Cousin Yemisi and Cousin Adeloba.

You forgot Granny Ebun.

Hers is the most important one.

Uh, when in doubt, ask yourself who is oldest.

The less teeth they have, the more they need

a top-of-the-line blender.

Hey, bud.

Have a great trip.

Uh, I made a little something for you.

Use it, don't use it.

It's no big deal.

If you don't want to read it, it's fine.

No, I'd like to. Thank you.

I'm gonna miss you.

Me, too, buddy.

Okay, someone else go.

You know what, Tayo?

I'll help you get those bags to the car.

Thank you, Bob.

It is too much for the two of you to carry alone.

I will supervise.

[door closes]

Goodbye, Mum.

Be safe.

Yes, Mum.

And, Dele...

I will be watching everything you do.

BOB: Okay, buddy.

First off, it's important you understand

the five-burger rating system.

It's like the star system, but we're using burgers.

All right, you're gonna think I'm crazy,

but from what I've read, I give the Hard Rock Cafe in Lagos

a five out of five burgers.

ABISHOLA: Dele, it is Mommy.

Bob showed me his "Sights and Bites" book.

He is very pleased with the rhyming title.

But there are some things he missed.

If you want peace and quiet,

there's a large jacaranda tree in Granny's backyard.

I used to read there.

You can climb it and see everything,

but no one can see you.

I always wanted to be the one to take you to Nigeria,

but I'm looking forward to seeing my home

through your eyes.

Even though I am not with you,

I will be in your heart,

as you will be in mine.

Dele's plane landed 45 minutes ago.

Why is his phone still at the airport?

What if the luggage did not arrive?

Oluwa mi o. Without the gifts,

we will never be welcomed back in Nigeria.

Uh, don't assume the worst.

Maybe they are just stopping at the suya stand

outside the airport.

You like that stand?

Oh, the best in the city.

If you're a tourist.

If you want the real stuff, you got to go to Ikoyi.

-Really? -I'll get you a copy of my book,

"Sights and Bites."Oh...

-I love that rhyme. -Right?

[both chuckling]

[yawns]

It's getting late.

We can continue spying on him first thing in the morning.

-Good night, you guys. -Good night.

Maybe just a little bit more.

Yeah, I mean, what's it gonna hurt?

-Why not? -We got to.

We're already here.