Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,349 --> 00:00:04,482
Previously on
Bob Hearts Abishola...
2
00:00:04,526 --> 00:00:07,311
That is a sexy
pharmacist.
3
00:00:07,355 --> 00:00:09,052
I'd like to take
him twice a day
4
00:00:09,096 --> 00:00:10,923
on an empty stomach.
5
00:00:10,967 --> 00:00:12,664
Kemi.
6
00:00:12,708 --> 00:00:14,057
Please, eh? Don't.
7
00:00:14,101 --> 00:00:15,319
Don't what?
Be happy for you?
8
00:00:15,363 --> 00:00:18,018
I am just here
to pick up a prescription.
9
00:00:18,061 --> 00:00:20,629
You can lie to yourself,
but don't lie to me.
10
00:00:25,329 --> 00:00:27,505
Okay. On the one side
we have the Bob.
11
00:00:27,549 --> 00:00:29,899
On the other side
we have Chukwuemeka.
12
00:00:29,942 --> 00:00:32,554
We don't need to do this.We shouldn't
need to do this,
13
00:00:32,597 --> 00:00:34,382
but this way you
will know for sure.
14
00:00:34,425 --> 00:00:37,037
I know for sure.You are wrong.
15
00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:38,647
Let's start simple.
16
00:00:38,690 --> 00:00:40,344
Nigerian. That's easy.
17
00:00:40,388 --> 00:00:42,868
Check mark for
Chukwuemeka.
18
00:00:42,912 --> 00:00:44,261
One to nothing. Hmm.
19
00:00:44,305 --> 00:00:45,958
This is a stupid game.Mm-hmm.
20
00:00:46,002 --> 00:00:48,439
Handsomeness. Another
check mark for Chukwuemeka.
21
00:00:48,483 --> 00:00:50,180
Ooh. Perfectly
shaped head.
22
00:00:50,224 --> 00:00:52,704
Double check.
23
00:00:52,748 --> 00:00:54,097
Bob is handsome.
24
00:00:54,141 --> 00:00:56,186
Compared to what?
25
00:00:56,230 --> 00:00:58,971
Okay, well,
what about "I like him"?
26
00:00:59,015 --> 00:01:00,973
What about
"he's not boring"?
27
00:01:01,017 --> 00:01:03,019
And what about
"he makes me laugh"?
28
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:04,368
Write those checks down.
29
00:01:04,412 --> 00:01:06,240
I will give you
the laugh one.
30
00:01:06,283 --> 00:01:09,112
The other ones,
not important.
31
00:01:09,156 --> 00:01:11,506
Funny. Check.
32
00:01:11,549 --> 00:01:14,117
Bob is still
losing very badly.
33
00:01:14,161 --> 00:01:16,380
Eh, he's a winner to me.
34
00:01:16,424 --> 00:01:17,816
[snorts]
35
00:01:17,860 --> 00:01:19,209
So that is it.
36
00:01:19,253 --> 00:01:21,037
You have made
your choice.
I have.
37
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,125
You are sure.Yes.
38
00:01:22,169 --> 00:01:23,387
It is Bob.Yes.
39
00:01:23,431 --> 00:01:24,780
Not Chukwuemeka.Yes!
40
00:01:24,823 --> 00:01:26,129
Okay.
41
00:01:27,261 --> 00:01:29,785
Huh. Where are you going?
This is not your stop.
42
00:01:29,828 --> 00:01:31,091
I have an errand to run.
43
00:01:31,134 --> 00:01:33,267
What errand?Abishola,
44
00:01:33,310 --> 00:01:36,357
I stay out of your business,
you stay out of mine.
45
00:01:39,925 --> 00:01:41,144
Next?
46
00:01:41,188 --> 00:01:43,364
E karo, Chukwuemeka.
47
00:01:45,061 --> 00:01:48,804
["Ifanla" by Sola Akingbola
playing]
48
00:02:08,215 --> 00:02:10,173
Yeah, I can see
how that could be an issue.
49
00:02:10,217 --> 00:02:11,174
Who's he talking to?
50
00:02:11,218 --> 00:02:12,567
Family lawyer.
51
00:02:12,610 --> 00:02:15,700
Same guy we use for
my little problem?
52
00:02:15,744 --> 00:02:18,181
No, that was a criminallawyer.
53
00:02:18,225 --> 00:02:20,705
Makes you feel superior
to me, doesn't it?
54
00:02:20,749 --> 00:02:24,187
Well, between the two of us,
I'm still welcome in Canada.
55
00:02:24,231 --> 00:02:25,797
BOB:
All right,
56
00:02:25,841 --> 00:02:27,625
I'll talk to her.
Thanks again.
57
00:02:27,669 --> 00:02:28,452
What's going on?
58
00:02:28,496 --> 00:02:30,193
Mom never made a will.
59
00:02:30,237 --> 00:02:31,281
That's no good.
60
00:02:31,325 --> 00:02:32,456
No, it is not.
61
00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:34,023
If she died, what would happen?
62
00:02:34,066 --> 00:02:36,982
[sighs] Speaking for myself,
I'd be heartbroken.
63
00:02:37,026 --> 00:02:38,070
Goes without saying.
64
00:02:38,114 --> 00:02:40,116
What else would happen?
65
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,163
Well, for starters, we might
have to sell the company
66
00:02:43,206 --> 00:02:45,643
to pay the taxes on the company.
67
00:02:45,687 --> 00:02:46,514
That's not fair.
68
00:02:46,557 --> 00:02:47,515
[mock gasp] You should call
69
00:02:47,558 --> 00:02:49,081
the IRS and tell them that.
70
00:02:49,125 --> 00:02:50,300
There's no need to talk to me
71
00:02:50,344 --> 00:02:51,562
like I'm a child.
72
00:02:51,606 --> 00:02:53,173
Then stop talking
like one.
73
00:02:53,216 --> 00:02:55,175
[mocking]:
"Stop talking like one."
74
00:02:55,218 --> 00:02:56,219
What's the big deal?
75
00:02:56,263 --> 00:02:59,222
So we tell Mom to make a will.
76
00:02:59,266 --> 00:03:00,354
Are you volunteering?
77
00:03:00,397 --> 00:03:02,747
Sure. Why not?Great.
78
00:03:02,791 --> 00:03:05,228
Go tell our mother, who's
recovering from a stroke,
79
00:03:05,272 --> 00:03:08,231
that she has to make plans
for when she's dead.
80
00:03:08,275 --> 00:03:11,016
Well, for one thing,
I wouldn't say "dead."
81
00:03:11,060 --> 00:03:12,366
And what would you say?
82
00:03:12,409 --> 00:03:14,324
I don't know,
something more poetic,
83
00:03:14,368 --> 00:03:16,631
like, "shuffling
off the mortal coil."
84
00:03:16,674 --> 00:03:18,676
Did you just come up
with that?
85
00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:21,549
Shakespeare.Oh, yeah.
86
00:03:21,592 --> 00:03:22,767
He's good.
87
00:03:22,811 --> 00:03:25,379
Well, go ahead, then.
Go tell Mom
88
00:03:25,422 --> 00:03:28,599
she needs to make some plans
before she shuffles.
89
00:03:28,643 --> 00:03:29,992
Fine.
90
00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:35,519
Okay, you called my bluff.
I don't want to.
91
00:03:35,563 --> 00:03:38,392
That's what I thought.
I'll take care of it.
92
00:03:39,436 --> 00:03:42,047
So the "mortal coil"
is, like, your body?
93
00:03:42,091 --> 00:03:43,135
Yeah.
94
00:03:43,179 --> 00:03:45,355
That's very cool.
95
00:03:46,835 --> 00:03:49,229
[TV playing indistinctly]Can we talk?
96
00:03:49,272 --> 00:03:52,014
Well, it's not like
I can run away.
97
00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:55,278
Hey, I owe you
an apology.
98
00:03:55,322 --> 00:03:56,540
Really? For what?
99
00:03:56,584 --> 00:03:58,499
I saw this thing on the news
100
00:03:58,542 --> 00:04:00,892
about baby powder
causing cancer.
101
00:04:00,936 --> 00:04:03,330
Yeah, so?When you were little,
102
00:04:03,373 --> 00:04:05,070
I used that stuff every day.
103
00:04:05,114 --> 00:04:08,030
Dipped you in it like you were
a powdered doughnut.
104
00:04:08,073 --> 00:04:10,119
So, sorry.
105
00:04:10,162 --> 00:04:11,425
Eh, you didn't know.
106
00:04:11,468 --> 00:04:13,470
Now, the smoking
when you were pregnant,
107
00:04:13,514 --> 00:04:15,429
that's something you knew about.
108
00:04:15,472 --> 00:04:18,649
What can I tell you?
I didn't want a big baby.
109
00:04:18,693 --> 00:04:21,826
Clearly didn't stunt
yourgrowth.
110
00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:25,439
Thanks for making this easier.
111
00:04:25,482 --> 00:04:27,310
I was just talking
112
00:04:27,354 --> 00:04:28,398
to Goldfischer.
113
00:04:28,442 --> 00:04:29,530
Our Jew lawyer?
114
00:04:29,573 --> 00:04:30,748
Mom!What?
115
00:04:30,792 --> 00:04:31,662
He says it.
116
00:04:31,706 --> 00:04:33,621
Listen to my
phone messages.
117
00:04:33,664 --> 00:04:37,581
"Hi. It's Arnie Goldfischer,
your favorite Jew lawyer."
118
00:04:37,625 --> 00:04:40,105
He can say it; you can't.Hey,
119
00:04:40,149 --> 00:04:43,021
I was at his kid's bar mitzvah.
Gave him 500 bucks.
120
00:04:43,065 --> 00:04:46,547
The little pisher never sent me
a thank-you card.
121
00:04:46,590 --> 00:04:48,853
Still can't say it.
122
00:04:48,897 --> 00:04:51,247
All right!
123
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,728
He has informed me
that despite his best efforts,
124
00:04:53,771 --> 00:04:56,296
you have refused
to make out a will.
125
00:04:56,339 --> 00:04:58,994
Really? You want to talk
about this now?
126
00:04:59,037 --> 00:05:02,954
Look at me. I'm like a
marionette with a broken string.
127
00:05:02,998 --> 00:05:04,739
I know it's
128
00:05:04,782 --> 00:05:07,089
an uncomfortable subject,
but we would have a hard time
129
00:05:07,132 --> 00:05:11,354
holding on to this business
if you were to suddenly...
130
00:05:11,398 --> 00:05:13,878
shuffle off your mortal coil.
131
00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:17,360
Shakespeare.
132
00:05:17,404 --> 00:05:18,709
Nice.
133
00:05:18,753 --> 00:05:20,494
So if I were
134
00:05:20,537 --> 00:05:23,453
to write up this will,
what do you think would be fair?
135
00:05:23,497 --> 00:05:24,976
Split up the
company equally
136
00:05:25,020 --> 00:05:27,022
between you,
Christina and Douglas?
137
00:05:27,065 --> 00:05:28,458
Well, I mean,
yeah, traditionally,
138
00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:30,242
that would be the way to go.
139
00:05:30,286 --> 00:05:31,896
But you got to take into account
140
00:05:31,940 --> 00:05:35,509
the reality of the current
management structure.
141
00:05:35,552 --> 00:05:36,858
Oh, just spill it.
142
00:05:36,901 --> 00:05:38,512
Douglas and Christina
are dead weight.
143
00:05:38,555 --> 00:05:40,818
You need to give me
control of the company.
144
00:05:40,862 --> 00:05:42,820
Attaboy.
145
00:05:42,864 --> 00:05:44,996
All right, let me think on it.
146
00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:46,389
What's to think about?
147
00:05:46,433 --> 00:05:47,695
Bob...
148
00:05:47,738 --> 00:05:50,654
while my children
may not be equal,
149
00:05:50,698 --> 00:05:52,917
I love them equally.
150
00:05:52,961 --> 00:05:56,268
Well, that's
a beautiful sentiment.
151
00:05:56,312 --> 00:05:57,748
Oh, good, you believe me.
152
00:05:58,706 --> 00:06:00,360
Now go call
Goldfischer
153
00:06:00,403 --> 00:06:03,145
and tell him to come by
next week.
154
00:06:03,188 --> 00:06:05,887
Unless it's one of his holidays.
155
00:06:09,064 --> 00:06:10,152
[sighs]
156
00:06:16,593 --> 00:06:19,466
How you feel about
Puerto Rican cops?
157
00:06:19,509 --> 00:06:20,771
Excuse me?
158
00:06:20,815 --> 00:06:22,338
My husband's partner
just got divorced,
159
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:24,775
and he's looking
to get back on the horse.
160
00:06:25,602 --> 00:06:27,865
And I would be the horse?
161
00:06:28,823 --> 00:06:31,695
Only if you like
grown men with braces.
162
00:06:31,739 --> 00:06:34,437
On his teeth or his legs?
163
00:06:34,481 --> 00:06:37,571
His teeth. He was
a thumb-sucker as a child.
164
00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:39,094
He sounds quite
wonderful,
165
00:06:39,137 --> 00:06:41,096
but I'm trying to make
it work with Bob.
166
00:06:41,139 --> 00:06:44,534
No hurry. I'm guessing
he'll be single for a while.
167
00:06:44,578 --> 00:06:46,536
Hello.Hey.
168
00:06:46,580 --> 00:06:48,059
Were you able
to run your errands?
169
00:06:48,103 --> 00:06:50,061
What? Oh, yes, yes.
170
00:06:50,105 --> 00:06:52,542
He's also a year away
from retirement,
171
00:06:52,586 --> 00:06:55,589
so you'd get a pension
and a Winnebago.
172
00:06:55,632 --> 00:06:58,461
Again, thank you, but
I'm sticking with Bob.
173
00:06:58,505 --> 00:07:00,028
That reminds me.
174
00:07:00,071 --> 00:07:01,943
Since you are no longer
interested in Chukwuemeka,
175
00:07:01,986 --> 00:07:04,249
what would you think if I
set him up with somebody else?
176
00:07:04,293 --> 00:07:07,557
Why would you do that?
He's so boring and arrogant.
177
00:07:07,601 --> 00:07:09,211
Yes, you are right.
But maybe there's
178
00:07:09,254 --> 00:07:11,561
a woman out there
who can see past those flaws.
179
00:07:11,605 --> 00:07:13,868
Someone with
a lot of love to give
180
00:07:13,911 --> 00:07:17,132
and enough frequent flyer miles
to take him to Aruba.
181
00:07:18,612 --> 00:07:19,961
Are you interested in him?
182
00:07:20,004 --> 00:07:21,223
Me? No.
183
00:07:21,266 --> 00:07:22,790
I was thinking of somebody else.
184
00:07:22,833 --> 00:07:23,573
Kemi.
185
00:07:23,617 --> 00:07:25,532
Well, maybe.
186
00:07:25,575 --> 00:07:26,837
I haven't given it
much thought.
187
00:07:26,881 --> 00:07:28,535
Either way,
I wouldn't do anything
188
00:07:28,578 --> 00:07:30,101
without talking to you first.
189
00:07:30,145 --> 00:07:32,364
If it's somebody else,
I don't care.
190
00:07:32,408 --> 00:07:34,149
And if it is me?
191
00:07:34,192 --> 00:07:35,759
[sighs]
192
00:07:35,803 --> 00:07:38,762
To be honest, I don't think
I'll feel comfortable with that.
193
00:07:38,806 --> 00:07:40,764
Yes, of course. Good.
194
00:07:40,808 --> 00:07:42,505
And you have
to be honest.
195
00:07:42,549 --> 00:07:44,159
Honesty is best.
196
00:07:47,292 --> 00:07:48,946
It is me.
197
00:07:48,990 --> 00:07:50,252
I knew it.There it is.
198
00:07:50,295 --> 00:07:51,296
Calm down, everybody.
199
00:07:51,340 --> 00:07:53,255
Nothing has happened yet.
200
00:07:53,298 --> 00:07:54,952
Did he ask you out?He did.
201
00:07:54,996 --> 00:07:56,693
But I told him
I didn't want to upset you
202
00:07:56,737 --> 00:07:58,173
and I would talk to you first.
203
00:07:58,216 --> 00:08:00,131
It will not upset me.You said it would.
204
00:08:00,175 --> 00:08:02,525
I said it would make me
uncomfortable.
205
00:08:02,569 --> 00:08:05,963
You said that,
but your face was upset.
206
00:08:06,007 --> 00:08:08,923
Well, if you're asking
my permission, I say no.
207
00:08:08,966 --> 00:08:10,315
You are my
best friend.
208
00:08:10,359 --> 00:08:11,926
It would be too strange.
209
00:08:11,969 --> 00:08:13,971
Okay. Well, then
that is the end of it.
210
00:08:14,015 --> 00:08:16,496
Yes, eh?
That is the end of it.
211
00:08:19,803 --> 00:08:22,284
Is not actually the end.
212
00:08:22,327 --> 00:08:23,677
Oh, Mother Mary!
213
00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:25,505
You agreed to go out with him?
214
00:08:26,462 --> 00:08:27,550
So you lied to me.
215
00:08:27,594 --> 00:08:28,856
Uh-uh. I was slow
216
00:08:28,899 --> 00:08:30,771
in telling you the truth.
217
00:08:31,598 --> 00:08:33,513
Now I am upset.
218
00:08:36,907 --> 00:08:39,083
[sighs]
219
00:08:39,127 --> 00:08:41,999
How you feel about
Puerto Rican cops?
220
00:08:45,133 --> 00:08:47,091
[TV playing indistinctly,
Christina chuckles softly]
221
00:08:47,135 --> 00:08:49,180
DOTTIE [over baby monitor]:
Christina!
222
00:08:49,224 --> 00:08:50,573
Come in here!
223
00:08:50,617 --> 00:08:52,619
Aw, damn.
224
00:08:54,621 --> 00:08:57,537
[low groaning]
225
00:08:57,580 --> 00:08:59,539
Get a move on!
226
00:09:01,366 --> 00:09:02,803
Is everything okay?
227
00:09:02,846 --> 00:09:04,544
No. Come on in.
Close the door.
228
00:09:08,069 --> 00:09:10,550
What's going on?
229
00:09:10,593 --> 00:09:12,464
I don't know if
Bob told you,
230
00:09:12,508 --> 00:09:14,684
but I am drawing
up a will.
231
00:09:14,728 --> 00:09:17,469
Oh, Mom, no, I-I don't want
to talk about that.
232
00:09:17,513 --> 00:09:19,341
You're gonna live
a long, long time.
233
00:09:19,384 --> 00:09:22,039
I can't imagine a world
where you're not a part
234
00:09:22,083 --> 00:09:24,041
of my every day...Shut up.
235
00:09:25,173 --> 00:09:26,566
Before I die...
236
00:09:26,609 --> 00:09:28,045
Can we please use
a different word?
237
00:09:28,089 --> 00:09:30,744
Honey, I just
said "shut up."
238
00:09:31,832 --> 00:09:34,878
Before I die,
I want to know
239
00:09:34,922 --> 00:09:38,578
the company that your father
and I built is in good hands.
240
00:09:38,621 --> 00:09:40,580
You mean Bob?
241
00:09:40,623 --> 00:09:41,581
I mean you.
242
00:09:41,624 --> 00:09:42,582
What?
243
00:09:42,625 --> 00:09:43,583
You heard me.
244
00:09:43,626 --> 00:09:46,063
You want me to run the company?
245
00:09:46,107 --> 00:09:48,631
Oh, Mom,
I-I don't think I'm ready.
246
00:09:48,675 --> 00:09:50,285
You're not.
247
00:09:51,634 --> 00:09:53,418
But with the time
I have remaining,
248
00:09:53,462 --> 00:09:55,638
I could groom you
for the job.
249
00:09:55,682 --> 00:09:57,248
Really?Really.
250
00:09:57,292 --> 00:09:58,772
Sweetheart,
251
00:09:58,815 --> 00:10:01,644
I see a lot of me in you.
252
00:10:01,688 --> 00:10:05,082
I feel a lot of you in me.
253
00:10:05,126 --> 00:10:09,260
So we just need to get
you ready to be a leader.
254
00:10:09,304 --> 00:10:10,784
Okay.A boss.
255
00:10:10,827 --> 00:10:12,916
Great.It's not gonna be easy.
256
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:16,224
You have to do
exactly what I say.Of course.
257
00:10:16,267 --> 00:10:18,661
For starters, you want
people to respect you,
258
00:10:18,705 --> 00:10:20,750
you need to
respect yourself.
259
00:10:20,794 --> 00:10:22,970
So no more whoring around.
260
00:10:23,013 --> 00:10:25,450
Oh, Mom, you can't say that.
261
00:10:25,494 --> 00:10:27,627
That's called slut-shaming.
262
00:10:27,670 --> 00:10:29,454
Then stop being a slut.
263
00:10:29,498 --> 00:10:30,673
And for God's sake,
264
00:10:30,717 --> 00:10:32,762
no more dating musicians.
265
00:10:32,806 --> 00:10:34,808
From now on,
you only go out
266
00:10:34,851 --> 00:10:36,679
with guys who are capable
of taking care of you,
267
00:10:36,723 --> 00:10:37,811
not the other way around.
268
00:10:37,854 --> 00:10:39,987
Would a deejay be
269
00:10:40,030 --> 00:10:41,423
considered a musician?
270
00:10:41,466 --> 00:10:43,730
Yes.Rats.
271
00:10:43,773 --> 00:10:44,948
So, do we have a deal?
272
00:10:44,992 --> 00:10:47,211
You do exactly as I tell you,
273
00:10:47,255 --> 00:10:49,779
and in my will,
I will make you
274
00:10:49,823 --> 00:10:52,956
majority shareholder
and president
275
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,089
of MaxDot Therapeutic Hosiery.
276
00:10:55,132 --> 00:10:57,918
What about Bob and Douglas?
277
00:10:57,961 --> 00:10:59,702
This has to stay
between you and me.
278
00:10:59,746 --> 00:11:02,096
They don't need to know
till after I'm gone.
279
00:11:02,139 --> 00:11:05,186
You'll never be gone
in my heart.
280
00:11:06,230 --> 00:11:08,015
Okay, great.
281
00:11:08,058 --> 00:11:09,930
Now,
282
00:11:09,973 --> 00:11:13,324
before we talk about
your clown makeup,
283
00:11:13,368 --> 00:11:16,371
I need you to run
over to my house.
284
00:11:16,414 --> 00:11:19,722
And in my nightstand,
next to my bed,
285
00:11:19,766 --> 00:11:21,724
is a...
286
00:11:21,768 --> 00:11:24,161
let's call it a "back massager."
287
00:11:24,205 --> 00:11:27,164
Check the batteries
and bring it to me.
288
00:11:27,208 --> 00:11:30,733
If your back is hurting,
I can work on it for you.
289
00:11:30,777 --> 00:11:33,867
No, you really can't.
290
00:11:35,303 --> 00:11:36,913
Now go.
291
00:11:36,957 --> 00:11:39,002
I just want to thank you
for this opportunity
292
00:11:39,046 --> 00:11:40,525
and for believing in me...
293
00:11:40,569 --> 00:11:42,484
Go!
294
00:11:47,097 --> 00:11:48,490
Hey, Siri.
295
00:11:48,533 --> 00:11:50,710
Call Douglas Wheeler.
296
00:11:55,410 --> 00:11:56,716
♪
297
00:12:05,986 --> 00:12:07,335
Really?
298
00:12:07,378 --> 00:12:09,511
You are being
very foolish.
299
00:12:10,773 --> 00:12:12,383
I'm just going to keep talking
300
00:12:12,427 --> 00:12:13,733
until you talk back.
301
00:12:16,866 --> 00:12:19,434
All these people
will know our business.
302
00:12:21,697 --> 00:12:23,220
Okay, then.
303
00:12:23,264 --> 00:12:26,615
Yes, I should've asked you first
about dating Chukwuemeka,
304
00:12:26,658 --> 00:12:28,182
but I didn't think you'd care.
305
00:12:28,225 --> 00:12:31,141
You were afraid
I would say no.
306
00:12:32,577 --> 00:12:34,231
I was afraid you'd say no.
307
00:12:34,275 --> 00:12:35,755
Is anybody
sitting there?
308
00:12:35,798 --> 00:12:38,192
She's sitting there.
Are you blind?
309
00:12:41,848 --> 00:12:43,284
Look at it from my viewpoint.
310
00:12:43,327 --> 00:12:45,895
There is a single Nigerian man
with a good job
311
00:12:45,939 --> 00:12:47,767
and a 32-inch waistline.
312
00:12:48,855 --> 00:12:50,073
Yes, he's from the Igbo tribe,
313
00:12:50,117 --> 00:12:51,422
and that is unfortunate,
314
00:12:51,466 --> 00:12:53,076
but he's still Nigerian.
315
00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:56,166
Which, in Detroit, is nothing
to blow your nose at.
316
00:12:57,472 --> 00:12:58,865
You went behind my back.
317
00:12:58,908 --> 00:13:01,215
What kind of friend does that?
318
00:13:01,258 --> 00:13:03,260
A lonely friend.
319
00:13:03,304 --> 00:13:05,567
A friend with a dead husband.
320
00:13:06,611 --> 00:13:07,612
She's really not sitting there.
321
00:13:07,656 --> 00:13:08,788
Yes, she is!
322
00:13:10,877 --> 00:13:12,617
Abishola,
323
00:13:12,661 --> 00:13:14,097
please forgive me.
324
00:13:14,141 --> 00:13:16,099
I don't care about who you date.
325
00:13:16,143 --> 00:13:18,232
I care about you lying to me.
326
00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:20,625
[bell dings]
327
00:13:20,669 --> 00:13:21,844
Where are you going?
328
00:13:21,888 --> 00:13:24,325
Oh, I have to run some errands.
329
00:13:26,893 --> 00:13:28,590
Now can I sit there?
330
00:13:28,633 --> 00:13:30,810
Do whatever you want.
331
00:13:34,901 --> 00:13:38,513
So, this guy you guys are
fighting over, is he hot?
332
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,952
I'll stand.
333
00:13:44,084 --> 00:13:46,608
So, we have
an agreement?
334
00:13:46,651 --> 00:13:47,957
You go back to school
335
00:13:48,001 --> 00:13:49,872
and get a business degree.
336
00:13:49,916 --> 00:13:52,048
Yeah, absolutely.
337
00:13:52,092 --> 00:13:54,398
You don't sound
very enthusiastic.
338
00:13:54,442 --> 00:13:59,360
I am, it's just...
business is kind of boring.
339
00:14:00,927 --> 00:14:03,843
You want me to name you
president of MaxDot,
340
00:14:03,886 --> 00:14:05,627
you need a business degree.
341
00:14:05,670 --> 00:14:07,934
Do I? Or do I delegate
the business stuff
342
00:14:07,977 --> 00:14:10,023
to my underlings?
343
00:14:10,066 --> 00:14:12,155
You know what? Never mind.
344
00:14:12,199 --> 00:14:14,854
All right,
I'll do it!
345
00:14:16,159 --> 00:14:18,161
And you can't keep
smoking pot all the time.
346
00:14:18,205 --> 00:14:19,771
Just weekends and Wednesdays.
347
00:14:19,815 --> 00:14:21,991
No more!No more!
348
00:14:23,253 --> 00:14:25,038
And you find a nice girl.
349
00:14:25,081 --> 00:14:27,431
Get married, start a family.
350
00:14:27,475 --> 00:14:30,173
Okay, to be clear,
that has always been my goal.
351
00:14:30,217 --> 00:14:34,917
Nice girls don't get paid $1,000
at the end of the date.
352
00:14:34,961 --> 00:14:36,005
How do you know about that?
353
00:14:36,049 --> 00:14:38,703
You charged it to the company.
354
00:14:38,747 --> 00:14:41,663
I had to send her a W-2.
355
00:14:41,706 --> 00:14:44,100
She still on the payroll?
356
00:14:44,144 --> 00:14:45,797
You want this or not?
357
00:14:45,841 --> 00:14:49,366
I do. And, yes,
I will find a nice girl.
358
00:14:49,410 --> 00:14:51,803
But what about
Bob and Christina?
359
00:14:51,847 --> 00:14:53,501
This has to stay
between you and me.
360
00:14:53,544 --> 00:14:56,373
They don't need to know
till after I'm dead.
361
00:14:56,417 --> 00:14:58,375
Which won't be
for many, many years.
362
00:14:58,419 --> 00:15:00,377
Sure.
363
00:15:00,421 --> 00:15:01,988
Now, I don't
know how much
364
00:15:02,031 --> 00:15:05,295
time I have left,
so we need to get going.
365
00:15:05,339 --> 00:15:06,122
Fine.
366
00:15:06,166 --> 00:15:08,516
Hey, where you headed?
367
00:15:08,559 --> 00:15:10,561
To get a haircut.
368
00:15:12,259 --> 00:15:14,478
You wanted to see me?Yeah.
369
00:15:14,522 --> 00:15:16,219
I've made some decisions
about my will,
370
00:15:16,263 --> 00:15:18,308
and I think you're
gonna be very happy.
371
00:15:18,352 --> 00:15:19,266
Oh, okay.
372
00:15:19,309 --> 00:15:20,920
There's just a
couple of things
373
00:15:20,963 --> 00:15:22,704
we need to go over.
374
00:15:26,055 --> 00:15:28,362
So, when it became
clear to me
375
00:15:28,405 --> 00:15:30,407
that the future
of pharmaceutical sales
376
00:15:30,451 --> 00:15:31,365
would be online,
377
00:15:31,408 --> 00:15:33,236
I began developing
a website
378
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:37,066
called AskChukwuemeka.com.
379
00:15:37,110 --> 00:15:39,503
And here is the part
where I'm very clever...
380
00:15:39,547 --> 00:15:41,941
KEMI:
Abishola was right.
381
00:15:41,984 --> 00:15:43,986
He is so boring!
382
00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:45,683
...over-the-counter
and prescription drugs.
383
00:15:45,727 --> 00:15:47,120
Every time
384
00:15:47,163 --> 00:15:48,991
I recommend a drug,
I would get a penny
385
00:15:49,035 --> 00:15:50,732
from each drug manufacturer...
386
00:15:50,775 --> 00:15:52,125
His head is perfect.
387
00:15:52,168 --> 00:15:55,258
If only it didn't have a mouth.
388
00:15:55,302 --> 00:15:56,912
...if half of them
ask my opinion,
389
00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,435
that is a lot of pennies...
390
00:15:58,479 --> 00:16:00,220
Maybe if I didn't
listen to him,
391
00:16:00,263 --> 00:16:02,265
we could make a life together.
392
00:16:02,309 --> 00:16:03,701
...even after taxes,
393
00:16:03,745 --> 00:16:05,660
this will make me
a very wealthy man.
394
00:16:05,703 --> 00:16:07,967
Don't listen, don't listen,
don't listen.
395
00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:11,405
I will use my great riches
to help the people of Nigeria.
396
00:16:11,448 --> 00:16:13,450
Oh, dear God, stop talking!
397
00:16:13,494 --> 00:16:14,669
And maybe someday,
398
00:16:14,712 --> 00:16:16,584
there will be a movie
on the Netflix
399
00:16:16,627 --> 00:16:18,629
that will tell the story
of my humble...
400
00:16:18,673 --> 00:16:19,761
It's not working!
401
00:16:19,804 --> 00:16:21,589
I cannot drown him out!
402
00:16:21,632 --> 00:16:24,722
...as a simple pharmacist
at a CVS pharmacy...
403
00:16:24,766 --> 00:16:27,116
What have I done?
I lost my best friend
404
00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:29,771
for this beautiful idiot!
405
00:16:29,814 --> 00:16:31,991
...or the Hulu!
406
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:40,434
Incoming.
407
00:16:40,477 --> 00:16:41,522
What?
408
00:16:41,565 --> 00:16:42,305
Oh.
409
00:16:42,349 --> 00:16:44,438
I just came to tell you
410
00:16:44,481 --> 00:16:47,658
that I realize our friendship
is more important than any man.
411
00:16:48,746 --> 00:16:50,400
I will not be seeing
Chukwuemeka again,
412
00:16:50,444 --> 00:16:52,315
even though we had a
fantastic dinner last night
413
00:16:52,359 --> 00:16:55,144
and enjoyed each other's
company very much.
414
00:16:55,188 --> 00:16:57,059
You are lying again.
415
00:16:57,103 --> 00:16:58,843
[sighs]
416
00:16:58,887 --> 00:17:00,932
I am.
417
00:17:00,976 --> 00:17:02,499
I told you.
418
00:17:02,543 --> 00:17:05,067
There is a reason
why a man that handsome
419
00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:07,287
still lives with his mother.
420
00:17:08,375 --> 00:17:10,116
I'm sorry I didn't believe you.
421
00:17:10,159 --> 00:17:11,247
Please forgive me.
422
00:17:11,291 --> 00:17:13,206
I only want to be your friend.
423
00:17:14,946 --> 00:17:16,513
I forgive you.
424
00:17:16,557 --> 00:17:19,255
We must make a vow never
to let a man come between us.
425
00:17:19,299 --> 00:17:21,475
I will make that vow.
426
00:17:21,518 --> 00:17:23,042
As will I. [sighs]
Ah.
427
00:17:23,085 --> 00:17:26,088
This is such a relief.
I hated being angry with you.
428
00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:27,220
I hated it, too.
429
00:17:27,263 --> 00:17:28,873
Especially after I realized
430
00:17:28,917 --> 00:17:31,354
the only reason
Chukwuemeka went out with you
431
00:17:31,398 --> 00:17:33,530
was to make me jealous.
432
00:17:33,574 --> 00:17:35,967
Uh-oh.
433
00:17:36,011 --> 00:17:37,752
"The only reason"?
434
00:17:37,795 --> 00:17:39,275
Isn't it obvious?
435
00:17:39,319 --> 00:17:41,321
When he saw that I was
not interested in him,
436
00:17:41,364 --> 00:17:44,454
then he suddenly started
chasing my best friend.
437
00:17:44,498 --> 00:17:46,021
Oh, I see.
438
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:49,111
So, he couldn't possibly be
attracted to me for me.
439
00:17:49,155 --> 00:17:51,244
Uh, that is not what I'm saying.
440
00:17:51,287 --> 00:17:53,463
That is what you are saying.
You know how I know?
441
00:17:53,507 --> 00:17:55,204
Because it's what you said.
442
00:17:56,205 --> 00:17:57,511
Is that not what she said?
443
00:17:57,554 --> 00:17:59,078
Don't put me in the middle.
444
00:17:59,121 --> 00:18:01,080
But that is what you said.
445
00:18:01,123 --> 00:18:03,908
And how do you know he wasn't
using you to get to me?
446
00:18:03,952 --> 00:18:06,302
Don't be ridiculous.Why is it ridiculous?
447
00:18:06,346 --> 00:18:08,261
I am much more fun
to be with than you.
448
00:18:08,304 --> 00:18:10,785
Fun or easier to sleep with?[gasps]
449
00:18:10,828 --> 00:18:12,874
Uh-oh, again.
450
00:18:12,917 --> 00:18:16,356
[both arguing in Yoruba]
451
00:18:22,188 --> 00:18:23,363
E karo.
452
00:18:24,581 --> 00:18:27,106
Uh, I wanted to jump in.
That's all I got.
453
00:18:33,242 --> 00:18:34,896
Karo.
454
00:18:34,939 --> 00:18:36,115
Karo.
455
00:18:36,158 --> 00:18:38,029
How is
your mother today?
456
00:18:38,073 --> 00:18:39,422
She's all right.
She's talking to
457
00:18:39,466 --> 00:18:41,207
our lawyer right
now about her will.
458
00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:43,470
Oh, for when she takes
her well-deserved rest.
459
00:18:43,513 --> 00:18:46,690
Now, see, that's
a nice way to put it.
460
00:18:46,734 --> 00:18:49,693
Why are you eating
lettuce with lemon juice?
461
00:18:49,737 --> 00:18:52,957
Apparently, I'm losing
60 pounds by next summer.
462
00:18:53,001 --> 00:18:54,220
Good for you.
463
00:18:54,263 --> 00:18:56,047
Yeah, good for me.
464
00:18:56,091 --> 00:18:58,137
How have you been?
465
00:18:58,180 --> 00:18:59,573
Not so great.
466
00:18:59,616 --> 00:19:02,184
I had a terrible fight
with my friend Kemi.
467
00:19:02,228 --> 00:19:04,708
Aw, that's too bad.
I like her.
468
00:19:04,752 --> 00:19:07,058
I like her, too,
but she lied to me.
469
00:19:07,102 --> 00:19:08,277
About what?
470
00:19:09,670 --> 00:19:12,499
Um, a thing.
471
00:19:12,542 --> 00:19:14,196
"A thing"?
Oh, that narrows it down.
472
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,285
Can't you be
a little more speci...
473
00:19:22,030 --> 00:19:24,163
♪
474
00:19:28,297 --> 00:19:30,647
A little wider.
475
00:19:30,691 --> 00:19:32,693
Thank you.
476
00:19:32,736 --> 00:19:34,347
Douglas?
477
00:19:35,565 --> 00:19:36,566
Lick.
478
00:19:40,527 --> 00:19:42,093
Very good.
479
00:19:42,137 --> 00:19:44,444
Bob, seal.
480
00:19:45,445 --> 00:19:47,534
[sighs]
481
00:19:47,577 --> 00:19:49,231
Perfect.
482
00:19:49,275 --> 00:19:51,190
Now, who would like
to run Mommy's last will
483
00:19:51,233 --> 00:19:52,800
and testament
over to Goldfischer?
484
00:19:52,843 --> 00:19:54,280
I'll do it.That's okay, I got it.
485
00:19:54,323 --> 00:19:55,498
I should do it!
486
00:19:55,542 --> 00:19:57,892
[mouthing]:
I got this.
487
00:20:00,547 --> 00:20:03,593
I should've had
a stroke years ago.
488
00:20:12,733 --> 00:20:14,256
I'm sorry.
489
00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:16,215
I'm sorry, too.
490
00:20:16,258 --> 00:20:19,870
[Tchaikovsky's "Romeo and Juliet
Fantasy Overture" playing]
491
00:20:35,582 --> 00:20:37,888
[record scratch, music stops]
492
00:20:37,932 --> 00:20:38,802
Ready to go home?
493
00:20:38,846 --> 00:20:40,891
Yes. I just need to get my coat.
494
00:20:40,935 --> 00:20:42,328
Good. I will wait.
33653
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof
