All language subtitles for Amazing.Stories.S01E09.Guilt.Trip.480p.DVDRemux-FALCOR

Ripped and corrected by Bornholm

Mr. Alec?
Ah, ah, ah, ah!

Robert, you know
how much I like to dunk.

Shall I leave the dessert tray?

- Look at me, Robert.
- Yes, you shall leave the dessert tray.

And please get me
another bowl of sugar.

Yes, sir.

And some margarine!
Margarine, not butter.

Mmm.! Mmm.! Mmm.!

Hi, Porky Pig!

You just wanna get off of my sweets?

I�m here.

Aren�t you going to Florida
this winter?

That�s bathing suit time.
You can ask just so much of rayon.

You�re a porker. Larry, admit it.
You sit down in shifts.

Look who�s talking,
Mr. Oink-oink.

Oh, I like resistance.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

Look. There�s a guy
cheating on his wife over there.

That�s-

Who did that?
Who bit that?

Larry, open up.

Oh!

- How do you feel, Larry?
- Guilty.

I can�t hear you, Larry.
A little louder.

Guilty, Your Honor.

My work is done here.

Your dress is too short.
If it was any shorter, you could be arrested.

In fact, you should be arrested.
Officer, follow those buns!

It�s me.

Of all the bars in the neighborhood,
why does Guilt come into mine?

Give me a martini. No! Use the stuff
that you hide in the back for yourself.

You devil.

It�s Guilt.

Oh, no. It�s Guilt again.

Ooh! Ahhh!

That�s perfect.

Give me three more just like this.

Keep them coming.

You promised to call me,
but you never did.

Yeah, so I didn�t call.
What�s the problem?

There�s something wrong with you.

I don�t know. It�s like-

It�s like you don�t have
any conscience or anything.

Well, it�s like you have
no patience or something.

All you have to do
is wait a week and then call me.

I�ll call you.

Oh, this is good.

Innkeeper,
please freshen up the drinks...

for my "beautatious" friends.

- Don�t you think you had enough?
- What?

We have a policy at this bar
where we don�t serve the inebriated.

Excuse me, ladies,
I�m going to the loo.

Oh, for a minute there,
I thought you were sitting upside down.

Ooh.

Oh, no.

- Yo.
- Two teenagers kissing way too much.

- Oh, not teenagers again!
- 128 Sycamore.

Oh, Chief, 128 Sycamore.
Over and up.

- I thought I heard something.

Yes, I heard it too.

We�ve still got that old chemistry.

Sure have it tonight.

Really. I think I heard something.

I swear. It sounds like my father.

I�m telling you, total silence
sounds like a father�s foot.

Don�t you teenagers know
that this is not allowed?

Oh, my God.
I haven�t seen you in years.

And it looks like I got here
just in the nick of time.

You kids should be
ashamed of yourselves.

Look, I can understand your showing up
in the back of the Pinto.

- But we�re married now.
- Yes.

Don�t make me laugh!

Sit up, and sit up right now!

And I want those arms
and those eyes forward!

I want you to see
an army training film. Hold this.

Oh, that�s just an island.

Look again.

- That�s a rash.
- Bingo.

Excuse me.

- Yo.
- Boss wants to see you.

I�m busy.
I�m working.

- Now!
- You got it.

Listen, kids.
Keep it clean!

Yoo-hoo!

Ah, hello! Come! Come in!

Ooh. Uh-

Come. Come in.

- Sit down. Have a nice trip?
- Oh, beautiful.

Hey, Guilt, it�s good to see you, kid.

- You�re one of my favorite emotions.
- It�s nice to see you too, big guy.

- Sit!
- You got it. Okay, big guy.

Let me tell you
you�re doing a good job. A fine job.

- On the Whole, you made the World a guilty place to live.
- My pleasure.

Smokey the Bear commercials
are still running.

Lean Cuisine sales are way up.
I really have to commend you.

Well, we do what we can.

Let me ask you something.
Any progress with Nixon?

He�s a tough nut to crack.
He will not fold.

I tell you, even his memoirs- amazing.

- Let me just get your opinion on something.
- Yes, sir.

What happened over on Sycamore?

Oh, routine. Kissing teenagers.
I handled it. Why?

- Have you been drinking?
- No, sir.

I-

Uh, yes, sir, I have.
All right, I have been drinking.

But I also have to tell you
that I�ve been working very hard.

- Why? Did I get the wrong house?
- Right house.

- Well?
- Wrong room.

Oh, hell.

The couple that you interrupted
Were happily married for 25 years.

To each other. You know,
I showed them the army training film.

Yes, I saw that too. Disgusting.

They probably won�t get back
together again for another eight months.

I�ll have to send Romance, Passion and probably
even Lust. And you know how busy she is.

Yeah. She works weekends. Oh.

They can fool around all they want.
Will you check your manual?

You know, he did look
prematurely bald to me.

- I mean, I think that�s pretty funny, don�t you?
- No!

I�m over here, big guy.

You were one of the best guilts
we ever had.

- Thanks.
- But you�ve been messing up a lot lately.

A little drinking.
I didn�t harm anyone.

I see everything from up here.
And he can see better than I can.

Now, happy hour
is taking its toll.

- Do I make myself clear?
- Perfectly.

- I want you to take a vacation.
- A vacation? Oh, no!

Please! No! Listen!

I�m just starting to get through
to Joan Crawford�s daughter.

I�m not making a suggestion.
I�m giving you an order.

Oh, big guy, please.

I want you to go and have fun.
Big guy-

- Shut up!
- Okay, I will... have fun.

Put me down for a vacation.
I don�t care. Um-

No hot sand.
No hot sand.

- It gives me blisters.
- Blisters.

And no snow. It affects my sinuses.
No-

No mosquitoes and no boats.

No.

Ooh.

All right. Okay.

I�m married, and my wife thinks
I�m on a business trip.

And I�m glad I said it.

I�m not sure why.

- Hi.
- Bonjour, monsieur.

Table for two?

Cute.

just show me to the piano bar.

S�il vous pla�t, monsieur.

May I remind you
that you�re not French.

That�s how I got the job.
I had to tell �em I was born in Paris.

- Who am I hurting?
- No one, if you can live with a lie like that.

I, personally,
would have cut my wrists.

- Hi, everybody! I�m Harvey Pinkerton.
- Oh, We�re the Beckermans.

Sam just retired, and this is the first time
we can just take off since his bypass.

Well, as long as you watch
your cholesterol, Sam.

Oh, isn�t he the cutest thing?

Look how he�s just met us
and already he�s worried about our levels.

Oh, and I�m Judy and this here is Bob.
We can�t believe how pretty this ship is.

- Yeah. Let�s enjoy it till the bills come.
- Money has been a little tight.

Yeah. That�s because you�re sailing
on your kid�s education.

I think I need fresh air.

There�s a jerk like that
on every voyage.

Hi.

- You are so lovely.
- Yes.

Yes.

And you can take a compliment too.
I like that in a goddess.

No. Lovely is my name.

Your name? Gee.

So your mom really took a risk.

I mean, you are lovely.
I mean, really beautiful.

But you could�ve had a mustache
and looked like Boris Karloff.

I�ve always been attracted to Boris
in a spooky sort of way.

- Would it bother you if I had a mustache?
- No. Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?

- Yes.
- Oh, swell!

And then when I left Harvard,

oh, with my Phi Beta Kappa key
shining into the sun-

Will there be anything else for you this evening?
Will you take a cab?

Thank you.

My key was glistening
in the afternoon sun...

- with all those coeds weeping, "Don�t go."
- Oh!

- Why don�t we go up on deck?
- Oh, no. You haven�t finished your mousse.

I�m not hungry.
I mean, that�s a lot of perfectly good food.

It�s just going to waste.
You could feed a family of six.

You�re trying to make me feel guilty.

- Well,just-
- But it�s not gonna work.

I came on this cruise to have a good time,
and you�re not gonna stop me.

- Sir-
- Blow.

Listen, you are so beautiful...

when you�re embarrassing me
in front of a roomful of people.

Oh, no, no, no.
I�m not beautiful.

just very, very pretty.

I gotta tell ya,

you�re the only person I�ve ever met
who just sweeps me off my feet.

This is a date, right?
We�re having a date even though we�re on a boat, right?

You can be on water
and still date.

Wow.

Don�t you worry
about your breath?

No, not at all.
I�ve always had good hygiene.

Would you like to see my room?

What if I don�t
respect you afterwards?

The important thing is
I respect myself,

and I will if I�m very, very good.

It was great for me.
I heard violins.

I saw fireworks. Well?

Ah.

Well, uh, uh, yes. Um-

Guilt is away on a vacation.
He�s been messing up a lot lately.

Oh, really?

Well, uh, let me watch it
and then I�ll call you right back.

So it seems We�ll have
Wet Weather the next several days.

And now we have two stories
that seem to be related in a very strange sort of way.

Let�s go to St.Joseph�s Church
and Susan Kleig.

That�s right, Jenny. We�re here at
St.Joseph�s Church in the hills, and we�re going to-

- Oh, Father McClintey, just what has been happening?
- We don�t exactly know, Susan.

What we do know is that several days ago
people stopped coming to confession.

- Stopped?
- Uh-huh. They just stopped.

Oh. And I understand you are
doing something about it.

Oh, yes, Susan. We have decided to advertise
in the newspaper, on radio, on television.

- I see.
- So come on down!

Three priests, no waiting.
You know what I mean?

jenny? Jenny?

Hello. It�s me again.

Uh, yes, yes.

Guilt is on a little vacation,
but he�ll be back the day after tomorrow.

Yes, yes, I can get worry and Fear
to work overtime and-

Hello? Hello?

What�s wrong?

Could we go up on deck and-
and talk?

- Oh, sure.
- I have a few things I want to tell you.

There are a few things
I want to tell you too.

I feel so badly about something.

Oh. I did that to you.
I�m sorry.

No, no. Let me finish.

I haven�t been
totally honest with you.

I�m not who you think I am.
I�m not even a person.

Oh, that doesn�t matter.

Listen, some of my best friends
are not persons.

That�s not important.
What�s important is...

that I love you.

Oh, see? That�s just the problem.

I don�t know if you�re
in love with love or me.

I don�t know whether you�re
in love with what I am, which is Love,

or the idea of being in love,
which is what I do, you know?

Not yet.

I�m Love.

You�re Love. You�re Love?

I know it sounds crazy, but I run around
and make people fall in love.

That�s why I spend
a lot of time on ships.

I just can�t believe that.
I mean, oh, I knew you were different.

But, I mean, Love?

Look, I�ll prove it to you.

just pick any two people,

and I�ll make them fall for each other
right before your very eyes.

Yeah, now-Anybody?

Yeah.
Anybody.

Make it hard.
just pick any two people you want.

- Any two people.
- Mm-hmm.

just-

No. Okay.
That lady right over there.

- And?
- And? Oh, yeah,just-

Okay. That guy.
The schlep.

No problem.

Hey! All right!
You do good work.

You�re not angry
that I lied to you?

No, �cause I lied to you too.

- You mean you can�t make love all night long?
- Yes- No.

That was a little white lie.

I mean, I�m not really a brain surgeon
like I told you. I�m Guilt.

Guilt? You mean like you make
little kids feel badly about hiding their report card guilt?

Yeah, that Guilt.

- No!
- Yeah.

I�ll prove it to you.

Go ahead, go ahead.
Go ahead. Pick anybody.

- Really?
- Yes.

Okay.
That happy little guy over there.

Okay.

johnny, I know what you did
to your partner, Murray.

I don�t know
how you live with yourself.

If he knows, everyone knows.

Murray, I couldn�t help myself!.

My handwriting is sloppy!

I couldn�t help making a one
into a seven on my side!

I should never have fallen
for a younger woman who wanted things!

So you�re Guilt.

- Yeah.
- That�s terrible.

Wait a minute.
That�s very judgmental.

I didn�t do that to you
when I found out you were Love.

Yeah, but I�m something nice.

Well, all the nice emotions
were gone.

Guilt�s a dirty job,
but somebody�s gotta do it.

I applied for lust. It was taken.

Hey, I�ve been around a long time.

- I�m sorry.
- Yeah, me too.

See, I always get so critical
when I get too close.

I�m great at love,
but I�m lousy at commitment.

Commitment�s nice.
You�d like her.

She�s got heavy legs,
but she�s a lot of laughs.

I met her at a wedding.

- Guilt?
- Yeah.

Maybe we should just think of this
as one perfect week...

where we found each other
and loved each other...

and then let each other go
before anyone had to seek professional help.

- I never felt like this before.
- You don�t mean just end it?

I mean end it.

Oh!

- You want to hear something funny?
- Sure.

I really love you.

And I love you too.

Hey, don�t ever leave me.

Why would I ever want to do that?

What�s love without guilt?

Yeah.

Hey, I gotta tell you something.
I work during meals.

I work on Valentine�s Day.

Lovely, I think this is the beginning
of a beautiful friendship.

Ripped and corrected by Bornholm