Original subtitles

Ripped By Bornholm

Kill the monster!

Cut!

Cut! Cut! Guys, where's my fog? Where's my fog?

This is a crucial scene. It's a magic moment.

It's- it's...

lunch.

Okay, everyone, that's lunch, one hour.

We pick up from here at 3:00 a.m.

Come on, harold. I'll give you a hand.

- There you go. - Whoa!

- Gee, those splints must be murder on your legs. - oh, they are.

You ready for one of ptomaine pip's box lunches, pal?

I can't eat. Can't eat.

Well, you're lucky there, but i don't envy you, buddy.

Harold. Is that a smile?

Listen, old buddy, it�ll take a half hour to get you out of that, and 45 minutes to get you back in. Right?

And you're the first shot after lunch. So what do you say we go relax and you keep it on?

Okay, big buddy. Let's go right over-

hey, how about a soda?

Who got your own personal, private trailer? Yeah, well-

then why don't we go relax in it? After all, it's got everything you like, everything you asked for.

We got the little refrigerator. We got some soda pop.

We got those little flexi straws you like.

I'm wanna go and just sit down.

Ohh! You know, i can't help thinking we're doing something special here.

Either that or a complete piece of junk. It's hard to tell.

Whoa! She's really pregnant. When's she due anyway?

Two-

two- two- sounds like- ears?

- Mm-mmm. - Two- sounds like face. Sounds like jaws.

Sounds like cheek- geeks- weeks. Two weeks!

Wow! Nice of her to come down and visit. A long way from new york.

- Tell me about it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, you know, it really helps being down here. It really does.

Because the people and the swamp...

and the food, everything is weird.

And the weirdness really rubs off on the picture.

Besides, this is where it actually happened.

You didn't know that, did you?

That's why we're being so secretive. Huh?

Legend has it, years ago, around the turn of the century,

there was this traveling gypsy carnival and they had this real mummy-

an evil egyptian king named ra amin ka.

They used to charge a nickel a look. Big box office in those days.

Anyway, one night,

they're doing their show and the thing comes to life.

And the few who made it out alive swore to their dying day...

that it still roams the bogs.

These very bogs we're working in.

Ra amin ka.

Yeah, well, it sells tickets.

Harold, we just got a call. Your wife went into early labor.

- They took her to the hospital in gridley. - What?

Ow!

- Harold. Harold. - I'll be right back.

Just change. Change that-

harold, wait! We'll, uh, uh-

Harold, i'll get you a driver.

It's his first kid. I hope he makes it... without stopping.

Oh, boy.

Oh! Oh, no! Oh, empty!

Oh! Not now!

Oh, please!

No! Uh, go, car! Go!

- Ding, ding! - I'll be right there.

Hurry! Hurry! Come on! Come on!

Uh-oh. Oh, no. No wallet.

Oh, uh, excuse me.

Uh, excuse me.

- Hello.

Whoa! No, no, no, no, wait! You don't understand-

oh, for crying out-

excuse me. Open the door. I want-

oh, what is this?

- L-

- What-

They think i'm a mummy.

Oh, no. I am a mummy.

- Gridley!

What? Oh, great.

Oh! Oh, good!

It's about time. Here's company. Help!

Huh?

- Wake up!

- I don't know where- uhh! - Ra amin ka!

What was it?

What was it? What is it?

Whoa! You all right? Are you all right? Are you okay?

What is it?

- Hey!

Stupid idiot!

Redneck jerk!

What are you trying to do, kill me?

All right.

This thing's gonna take over everythin', as far as i'm concerned.

'Cause- 'cause me and williejoe was just drivin' down the road, you know?

And all of a sudden this thing leaps right out of the woods-

the road- out of the air.

And all of a sudden- all of a sudden this thing here-

well, the creature was full of bandages, you know, and fire was comin' out of his eyes.

Bullpucky! He come out of my tv and he started guzzling down unleaded.

It weren't none of those things.

It was ra amin ka. The mummy.

- I got a hole in my truck to prove it.

Ra amin ka! Now that explains a lot of things.

I mean, even before that thing was spotted, you could feel something strange was in the air.

My hens stopped laying. Hank there's milk cows went dry.

And i've taken to the bottle. Williejoe, you always been drinking.

- Sure. But from cans. - oh. What a butthead.

Okay, now we know something's out there.

The question is... what do we do about it?

You know, back in '26,

i was living over at possum hollow.

Come summer,

we're paid a visit by ra amin ka.

I told you. I told you. Terrorized the neighborhood, he did.

Wreaked havoc on man, beast and crops.

And, of course, the question come up-

"what are we going to do about it?"

Well, we had this big town meeting,

but we came up with an answer.

Yes?

One night, when it was real dark,

we all packed up...

and moved away.

- He's just a crazy old man. - worked like a charm.

All right. All right.

- Until now. - Well, i ain't moving no place.

I say we grab our shotguns, track the thing down and blow the varmint to kingdom come.

- Right! - Please!

I can't believe what i'm hearing.

I mean, we don't know what this thing is.

Maybe it's harmless. Maybe it's lost.

Maybe it's more scared of us than we are of it.

Before you rush off and do something you may regret for the rest of your lives,

just stop a moment and think.

Let's get him! Yeah!

Ohh! Ohh! Ohh!

- Where the hell is the movie...

- And the crew? - Let's get ra amin ka!

- We're gonna kill us a mummy! - Yee-ha-ha-ha!

This is real.

What a bummer!

Are-are you lost?

Uh-huh. Come in. Come in.

Oh, thank god. Come in. Come in.

I'm a friend. Please. Sit here.

You must be full of the night's chill. Let me take your wrap.

No. No. All right. Oh. Very well.

Some tea. H-hot tea to warm your bones.

Oh. A telephone.

I'm- i'm sure you'll feel much better with this.

R-ra amin ka!

Oh! Ra amin ka!

I had to act so fast i blasted right through the truck.

Maybe i hit him, maybe i didn't. I don't know. But we'll get him.

All right, let's go! We gotta keep moving!

Look's like this ain't our mummy. See, out-of-state plates.

Hey, williejoe! Uh, williejoe, uh-

Me and the boys have been, uh, talkin'...

and, uh, we been thinkin' about what we's gonna do with the mummy once we catch him.

Yeah? And, uh, we decided that we should think about this some more at home.

Ain't nobody running out! Now wait a minute. We ain't scared, see?

But a mummy's a special type of critter. See, it's already been killed once.

We'll drive a stake through his heart, okay?

That ain't how you kill no mummy.

That's how you kill dracula.

Fire, then. They hate fire.

- Uh-uh. Frankenstein hates fires. - Frankenstein.

Silver bullet.

Werewolf.

Werewolf.

- Okay, maybe i ain't sure how to kill a mummy. - All right, boys, let's go home!

But that just gives me an idea to do something i like even better than killing.

- What's that? - Experimenting.

I wouldn't miss that for the world, willie joe.

Oh, boy! That was a real mummy.

Come on, legs, go!

Uhh! What?

Oh, no! A graveyard.

Oh! Oh!

Gridley!

- The hospital!

Wow! Wow!

Hyah!

Whoa!

Oh, boy!

It's an art, grave robbin'. Takes years of xperience to know which stiffs got the gold,

which grave's warm and which grave's cold.

- How about this one? - Are you, crazy? Put that thing down!

You want to get the whole county down on us?

Now, get set for lesson number two.

- Oh, thank you.

Oh, good! Wheels!

Oh, good! I hope it works. Oh, please, start.

Hello. Gridley hospital? Do you have a mummy in maternity?

No, not a "mother" mummy, a "mummy" mummy.

Okay, we're looking for a mummy that answers to the name of harold.

She hung up on me.

- There he is! - It's ra amin ka!

Get him!

- There he is! He's in the swamp! - Come on, fellers!

- Blow him away, williejoe! - Surround him!

Got him now!

- Look out!

This is not me! I'm in the middle of a set of a new movie.

I'm tellin' you, williejoe, this ain't right.

Lynchin' ain't for mummies. Lynchin's for rustlers. No, no, no.

Uh-huh. Lynchin's for everybody.

- No, no, no, no! No, not for everybody.

Well, boys, we done it. We caught us ra amin ka.

No! There's ra amin ka! There! There- he's the real mummy!

Look behind you! There's the real mummy, dummies!

Oh, great! Now he's gone.

Look at him now.

Teach you to mess with decent, clean country folk!

Oh, you're a bunch of rednecks, not country-

well, boys, what do you say?

- hang him! - No! You can't hang me! I'm from new york!

I'm not a mummy, i'm a human being.

Wait a minute! Please! Please!

- Hasn't this gone far enough? - Yes.

I mean, i can't believe that we are the kind of people-

people so eaten up by ignorance and fear that we must destroy something...

just because it is different? She's right.

- Is this the example to set for innocent young children? - certainly not.

Maybe there are good mummies and bad mummies. You look like a good one.

I am. I am a good mummy. I promise. I am.

But of course, you could be a bad one.

- No, no. - I say we hang him just in case!

Oh! What's the matter with you, stupid kid!

Good boy.

- No, don't- - adios, amin ka!

- Hyah! - Oh, thank goodness!

- Go, horsey! - I told you so, williejoe! Mummies ain't got no necks!

He's getting away! Come on!

Move 'em back! He's headin' for the highway!

Move 'em back!

Oh! Gridley! Oh, go! Go! Go on! Go on!

Those stupid idiots. Those rednecks trying to kill me.

Where is everybody? The hospital's empty.

What? Oh, great. Back in five minutes.

Honest- ohh! Uh-oh!

Uh, excuse me- see that those bandages get changed.

I'll find her myself. Honey? Honey?

What-

honey?

Honey?

Shh! Shh! It's all right. It's all right. Shh!

Ah. Oh, boy. What have i got myself into?

Honey? Honey- ohh! What-

Hold it! Outside! Now!

Oh, no!

Not out there. You don't know-

- oh, harold. Harold, you made it. - Oh, katie.

- You know this thing? - Yes. It's my husband. It's a girl, harold.

Seven pounds, 11 ounces. She's got your eyes.

Hey-

Oh, no. It's okay. It's okay.

My beautiful baby girl.

I love you.

The mummy's a daddy.

It's just like they say.

What? You're never too old.

I love you, honey. I love you too.

Harold, what took you so long?

Oh, no! 3:20!

It's gonna be fine.

Harold? Harold?

Oh, my! This is terrific! Okay, uh, get me, uh- how many torches do we have?

- How many you need? - More than that.

And more of the frogs. Harold, i thought we lost you, old buddy.

Something's different, but i like it. Now, what was it- a boy or a girl?

Hold it.

Okay, we're ready to go. You don't need this.

Ahh! Good energy! Roll! Roll! Roll!

339, take one. Mark it!

Cut. Print. That's a wrap.

- All right, everybody, that's a wrap.

- make sure we save that mechanical arm. - Thank you, everyone. Thank you.

You owe me a brewski.

Everybody, thank you, but especially to dad.

You nut. Bet you feel like you've been in those rags for a thousand years. Let me get you out of these.