All language subtitles for s4-3jfhjlçç en

Any messages for me, Carole?

I don't think so.

Colin, it's you.

No one's been asking for me at all?

No, no.
Colin, what's happened?

You look...

If anyone wants me, I'll be
in the staff room, okay?

Yes, yes, of course.

You wouldn't believe it, would you?
-Sorry, Gavin?

The things people leave
in the changing room.

Look.

A set of lower dentures.

A bowie knife.
A large bottle of milk of magnesia,

And a copy of this!
All from the Saga outing, apparently.

I'll get lost property book, shall 17?

Would you? Thanks, Carole.

This is lunch, is it?

For the children?

No, that's for Biggles.

I got Ben a little kitten.

I think it's so important children learn
to grow up with animals, don't you?

Well, yeah.
You haven't got them all

living in the same
cupboard, have you, Carole?

No!

That didn't work.

No, Biggles has got two
of his own drawers now.

One to sleep in, and one for
his little business tray.

So, this is cat food?

Yes. Ben's bowl is over here.

Oh, right.
-Lost property book?

Oh.

Here we are.

Thanks, Carole.

Okay, Benny, here's your lunch.

No, no, I think, this one...

Excuse me.

Oh, welcome to the
Whitbury Newtown Leisure Centre.

How may I help you?

I've got an appointment
to see the manager.

Oh, dear, have you?
Well, he's not in today.

No?

Yes, he's away for the weekend, sailing.

Is he?

He didn't say anything
about that this morning.

This morning? I'd better check.

It's all right, Carole,
I'll deal with this.

I thought we'd start with
coffee upstairs in my office.

Done it again.

Sorry, Laura?

The boiler's just turned itself off.

Oh dear.
What is it this time?

Well, according to the £10,000
electronic self-diagnostic

troubleshooting display unit,
the problem appears to be D3.

I've got to get Colin
to have a look at it.

You've just missed him. He's
gone upstairs to his office with a girl.

With a girl?

Quite a good looking one,
it's all rather mysterious.

How do you mean?

Well, he's not like he normally is, Laura.

He sort of...

Well, clean.

And the smell has gone.

Gosh, this sounds like a
case for the three Mary's.

Went up his office, you said?

Yes.

Carole, Colin doesn't have an office.

No, I wondered about that.

Yes?

Is everything all right, Colin?

Fine, thank you, Laura.

Yes?
-Could I have a word?

What?
-It is rather important.

It couldn't wait until later?

No.

No, no, right.

So what's the problem, Laura?

Hi.

Hello.

What can I do for you?

It's the boiler again, I'm afraid.

Apart from Mr. Brittas, you're the
only one that seems to understand it.

So I wondered if...

you wouldn't mind having...

Having a look at it!

No, of course not.

Let's get down there right now, shall we?

And see what we can do.

Laura.

I'll stay here, I think.

Really?

Yes, someone's got to
look after your visitor,

if that's all right
with you, Mr. Weatherby?

Yes.

Yes.
Of course.

I'm Laura.
-Stephanie.

And you're from?

Hobart, Tasmania.
-Oh.

Just over for the two weeks.

How are you finding Whitbury Newtown?

Oh, it's been fantastic, Laura.

But here, well, this is a bit I came for?

Is it?

You know, at first I thought
I might have to go back

without actually seeing The Centre.

What with you all being under such
tight security, for the Olympic trials.

Oh, those.

And then suddenly the
day I'm due to fly home,

he says it's all right, I can come in,
and see his office and everything.

Oh, it's a big moment for me, Laura.

It's quite a big moment for me too.

And it's all just like he
described in his letters.

His desk, his sofa, where
he does his thinking.

A photo of him shaking hands
with the Duchess of Kent.

Good Lord, so he is.

You can't imagine what
this means to me, Laura.

And quite apart from
the emotional excitement

of meeting Dad for the first time.

Dad?

Well, I suppose it's a feeling of...

coming home.

Right.

Oh, look!

These must be the books he's written.

I suppose you've read them all, have you?

Yes.

Stephanie, would you excuse me a minute?

I just have to go to ask
your father something.

Colin, what the hell is going on?

I'm so sorry, Laura.

That girl says she's your daughter.

Yes.

And she seems to think
you're in charge here.

She lives on the other
side of the world, Laura,

I never expected her to come here.

I just wanted her to proud of me.

I wanted her to think that
her dad had something with his life.

So you told her you're the manager?

Yes.

Colin, how on earth did you
think you'd get away with it?

I don't know, I just...

You can't pull off a stunt like this
without telling the staff.

I didn't want to tell anyone.

I thought they might laugh.

Laugh?

Why on earth would they laugh?

Well, all right, maybe they would laugh,

but they still might be able to help.

Colin has a daughter.

I didn't even know he was married.

He's not.

Apparently when he was
a junior in Sunderland

he had this brief affair with a colleague.

I heard it was very brief.

Half past eight till twenty to nine.

Shortly afterwards she got immigration
papers, and went to live in Australia.

So Colin's never seen his daughter.

Until now. But he's
written to her regularly.

And told her he's the manager.

Right.

So I suppose he wants us to treat him
the same way we would Mr. Brittas.

Or completely different
in your case, Julie, yes.

I'm afraid there's more
to it than that, you see,

because in his letters he said
a lot of things about himself

some of which, strictly
speaking, aren't true.

Well, like what?

Well, apart from his
duties managing The Centre,

he's also found time to
train the British ice figure

skating champions, invent
the inflatable running shoe,

present a regular spot
on breakfast television

called Ask Colin, and write a
series of historical thrillers

under the pseudonym Ellis Peters.

Didn't any of it strike her
as being a bit far-fetched?

She's an Australian, Gavin.

Yeah, look, it all boils down to this,

Stephanie thinks he's wonderful.

As far as she's concerned
he's the perfect father,

and I think it would be really nice if she
went back to Australia still believing it.

So, we not only have to make
her think Colin's the manager,

but some sort of superhero as well.

Yes.

It's not going to be easy, is it?

No.

Any suggestions?

Male changing, female changing,
notice board, horizontal, parallel,

and that will be the squash courts.

Oh, while you're there, Mr. Weatherby!

I just wanted to tell you,
me mother says, "Thank you."

Your mother?

He's forgotten already!

This man, right, gave my old mum
500 pounds to have a cataract operation.

All thanks to Mr. Weatherby
she can see again.

He's a saint.

Dad.

Morning Mr. Weatherby.

Ah, Linda.
-Everything all right?

Couldn't be better, Mr. Weatherby.

This is the under-9s Penguin Club.

They're all orphans actually.

Really?

Normally they couldn't
afford to go swimming,

but your father very kindly pays for them
out of his own pocket.

They're all rather fond
of him as you can imagine.

Come on you orphans.

Three cheers for
Mr. Weatherby, our manager.

Hip hip!
-Hooray!

Hip hip!
-Hooray!

Two minutes, my darling.

Puss, puss, puss?

Puss, puss?

Ben, you haven't seen
Biggles anywhere, have you?

Have you see Colin, Carole?

I'm sorry, Tim, how may I help you?

I've been waiting for him
down in the boiler room.

You haven't heard then?

Heard what?

Morning all!

You're not supposed to be in today.

Just returning a Leisure Centre Biro

which I inadvertently
took home last night.

Bye.

Time to stand around gossiping, Tim?

I'm just trying to sort out
the boiler, Mr. Brittas.

The boiler?
What's wrong with the boiler?

Oh, nothing unusual,
it's just not working.

Not working?

High tide 2:30, leave here 1:45.

I think I can give it five minutes.

Follow me, Tim.

As far as I can tell,
it's all been a huge success.

She was actually crying when she told me
about your orphans, Linda.

Really?
-Oh, good.

She cried again when
we showed her the place

where Colin fought off
the 17 drug-crazed bikers.

She hasn't even seen
your plaque yet, Julie.

That should really set her off.

What?

Do you have to read that here?

I'm not reading it, I just
found it in lost property.

It's just that some people
find that kind of material

rather offensive, you know.
-Do they?

So I just couldn't help noticing
there's a picture of Mrs. Brittas.

What?!

Mrs. HB of Whitbury Newtown.

Reader's wives. Our randy readers
send in their saucy snaps.

Doesn't sound like Mrs. Brittas, does it?

To be honest, it doesn't
sound like Mr. Brittas either.

No, I think it must be a hotel,

I don't recognise that shower curtain.

You never know, do you?

The dark secrets that lie
hidden behind the bedroom door.

Morning, everybody.

You know, I've just seen the
most extraordinary thing.

Colin wearing a jacket and tie.

What's more he's got the
most beautiful girl with him.

Honestly, you never know
with people, do you?

You think they're one sort of person,

and then suddenly you
catch them doing something

which puts them in a
completely different light.

What's going on?

Don't fiddle, Tim.

Right, here we are.

D3, air inlet flange non operational.

Check air draught
accelerator unit F666-93.

Draught accelerator unit.

I think they mean the
chimney, Mr. Brittas.

Possibly, Tim, yes,
but I think we stick to

the manufacturer's recommended
procedure, if you don't mind.

And this must be the air inlet flange.

Hang on, Tim.

Well, it's got air inlet
flange written on it.

Right, well, it needs turning 40 degrees

by adjusting the knurled butterfly grommet

in a counter-clockwise...
-It won't go.

Wait till I've finished, Tim.

In a counter-clockwise direction firmly.

I've tried that.

Let me have a go.

Obviously, something's blocking it..

Well, that's what I said.

Perhaps if I put my hand in, I can...

Tim, I did a course on this boiler.
Let's leave it to the expert, shall we?

Now, interruption in airflow see page 34.

It sounds like an animal in pain.

Now, we have a choice of methods
of clearing post combustive debris.

We can either send up
a jet of boiling steam.

Well, we haven't got
any steam, Mr. Brittas.

The boiler's broken.

Right, well, in that case we use

the compressed air supply
by opening valve P334.

Right, P334.
Here we are.

Funny how they always land
on their feet, isn't it?

How did a cat get in there?

Perhaps it's a stray.

Really?

There's an identity tag
that has the leisure centre

phone number on one side,
and Biggles on the other.

Wait here, Tim, there's a few questions
I have to ask our receptionist.

Don't worry, I'll find him.

Remember this is Colin we're dealing
with here, Julie. Try not to panic him.

Look, all I'll say is that
Mr. Brittas is somewhere

in the building and if the two
of them meet the game's up,

he'll lose his job, his daughter will
despise him, and his life will be in ruins.

Leave it to me.

Oh, gawd.

I can't believe this,

I just can't believe
this is happening to me.

I feel so cheap.

Yes, well.

I mean, how could he?
How could he do this to me?

You mean he didn't tell you?

Tell me what?

That he was sending in the photo.

Well, he couldn't, could he?

He doesn't even know where I live.

Oh, so it wasn't Mr. Brittas?

Gordon?!
Good Lord, no!

Just someone I met, it was years ago.

I see.

Before you were married.

Quite possibly.

Oh, I can't bear it,
Laura, it's so humiliating.

Look, I'm sure the
staff won't tell anyone.

It's not the staff, is it?

I mean, this thing's read everywhere.

I just keep thinking of
the millions of people

up and down the country just
staring at my body and...

Mind you, it's not a bad photo, is it?

I suppose not.

I had something worth
looking at in those days.

I mean, look at that.

Helen, you have to get rid of this!

Do I?

Well, if Mr. Brittas was
to come in and see it,

don't you think he'd be rather upset?

Oh, God, I never thought of that.

Well, he's sort of black
with little white paws,

and I just wondered if maybe
he'd wandered round the pool area.

Would you, Gavin?

Thank you.

Carole?

Yes, Mr. Brittas, how may I help you?

Have you been keeping a cat behind here?

Cat, Mr. Brittas? No.

Well, what's this then?

That's Ben's lunch, Mr. Brittas.

Mm, my word that's good.

Goodness.

So you're telling me that's not cat food?

No, no, not.

And I suppose you're going to tell me
that is not a cat litter tray?

You mean the children's sandpit?

Just for Ben to play
with his little diggers.

Oh dear, someone seems to
have left a toffee in there.

I will ask you one last time,

is this animal yours?

It's...
It's a kitten.

So you've seen him before then?

No. I just knew it was a kitten.

Carole, one of the abiding
principles of my life,

and I may have mentioned
this before, is a belief that

the greatest of all the
eight virtues is honesty.

Yes, Mr. Brittas.

So many people think telling the truth

is something you only have
to do when it suits you,

and that somehow
it's all right to tell lies

to get yourself out of
trouble, but it never works.

Doesn't it?
-Never, Carole.

Oh well, back to the boiler for you.

Mr. Brittas?
-Yes, Carole?

I just wondered what you
were going to do with him.

Well, if you'd said he
was yours, I would have

returned him and said be
more careful next time.

But since he's not, who knows?
-Yes Mr Brittas.

This plaque was erected in
honour of Colin Weatherby,

manager of this centre, for his bravery

in rescuing 33 schoolgirls, victims of
mass hysteria from drowning in this pool.

You never told me about this!

No? Well, it didn't seem important.

Oh, Dad!

I'm so glad I made this journey.

So am I, pet.

Um, Mr. Weatherby?

Yes, Julie?

Just thought I'd let you know,

Mrs. Brittas is in the staff room.

I am rather tied up just
at the moment, Julie.

Um, she's come into The Centre
with her husband, Mr. Brittas.

Would you excuse me for
just one moment, please?

Mr. Brittas is in the building?!

Where?!

I don't know, he could be anywhere.

Oh, is that him?

Sorry, my mistake.

Julie, what am I going to do?

I think now might be a good time

to show your daughter
the far side of the playing fields.

Gavin?

Yes?

Gavin, would you do something for us?
-Yes, of course.

I want you to get rid of
this magazine, please.

Oh, right.

Don't just chuck it in the
bin or anything, Gavin.

It has to be destroyed.
-Burn it.

I understand.

Ah right, re-ignition,
here we are, chapter 10.

I think you stick a match
in here, Mr. Brittas.

First insert ignition
wand into aperture B450.

What's an ignition wand?

We normally use a box of matches.

Right, Tim.

Simultaneously depressing the starter
safety assist for at least five seconds.

I'm doing that.

Right.

[ hatch squeaks open]

Er, Gavin?

Mr. Brittas.

I hope you weren't thinking of putting

unsuitable household
waste into our new boiler.

No, Mr. Brittas.

This furnace burns high grade anthracite
nuts at a very precise temperature.

And as I pointed out at
last week's staff meeting,

other irregular semi-combustibles
can seriously disturb its delicate balance.

What have you got there anyway?

Nothing, Mr. Brittas.

Come on, Gavin.

Uh-huh!

It's a dirty magazine!

Came down here for a little read, did we?

That's disgusting!

All right, Tim, I'm dealing with this.

You buy this sort of thing, do you, Gavin?

No, no, Mr. Brittas, I found it.

He's trying to weasel
out of it, Mr. Brittas!

I think you and I need to
talk this one through, Gavin.

Upstairs, please, in my office now.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

All right, Tim, all right.

Colin's pretending to be the manager?

Yes, it's a long story,

but if you could get
Mr. Brittas out of the building.

Right, yes, it seems to solve
most problems, doesn't it?

Carole, have you any idea where Gordon is?

I think he's up in his
office, Mrs. Brittas.

What's he doing up there?

It's all rather upsetting, Laura.

He found Gavin in the boiler
room with one of those...

you know, magazines.

He what?!

I know, I'm as surprised
as you are, Mrs. Brittas.

Oh, God, oh, God.

Could be tricky, this.

Of course, strictly speaking, Gavin,

what you've done is neither
illegal nor criminal.

But, I think the rest of
us are entitled to ask

is your behaviour the sign
of a healthy, moral society?

He doesn't think about things
like that, Mr. Brittas,

Just his own pleasure.

What you have to remember, Gavin,

is that every face you see
in this magazine is a person.

Somebody's daughter,
somebody's girlfriend,

even someone's wife maybe.

Yes, Mr. Brittas.

I mean, how would you feel

if one of them was your girlfriend?

You'd be rather upset, wouldn't you?

He doesn't care.

He doesn't care if other people are hurt.

It's not fair!
-Isn't it?

How would you like it
if you saw me with a magazine like that?

Timothy!

Look, Mr. Brittas, there's a
perfectly simple explanation.

Good. Could we hear it please?

Good.
-Could we hear it please?

Well, I was just taking
the magazine down to...

Yes?

I, I'm very sorry.

I shouldn't have done it.

There's no excuse is there, Gavin?

No.

You just wanted to look at
pictures of girls with no clothes on.

Yes.
-You are despicable!

Thank you, Tim!

Not now, my darling.

We just wanted to make sure
everything was all right, Mr. Brittas.

Yes, everything's fine, thanks, Laura.

Really?
-Yes, my darling.

I've just been explaining to Gavin here

why magazines like this are
fit only for the rubbish bin.

Oh, good.

We'll leave you to it then.

If you would, Laura, yes.

Right, Gavin, now you've
admitted the truth,

let's try and move on, shall we?
-Yes Mr Brittas.

I think what we need to do

is examine the motives
behind that behaviour,

and find out why others of
us find it so unacceptable.

I think what we need here
is a greater realisation

of what is going on in the world.

What is going on around us in this...

What is going on around here?

Well, I'm still waiting.

We could start, for example,
with why there is on my wall,

a picture of Colin shaking
hands with the Duchess of Kent,

when I think that is an incident
most of us would rather forget.

Anyone?

All I want is the truth.

I think I'm entitled to that.

All right, I'll tell you.

Thank you, Laura.

A lot of us worry about Colin,

you know, his problems and
his lack of self-confidence.

And so we rang a radio phone-in,

and the doctor there
suggested that role playing

a more important position in The Centre

might give him some sense of worth
and self-esteem, so we used your office.

We know it was wrong, we know
we should've asked you first,

but we only did it
because we wanted to help

a fellow member of the team and because...

because we care!

Yes.

So that's it, is it?

Yes, Mr. Brittas.

You wanted to help.

Yes, Mr. Brittas.

Why do people do this?

Where does everyone get the idea

that telling lies is
somehow going to help?

I keep saying, it never works.

Now, could somebody
please tell me the truth?!

We have all day if need be.

Boy, that was a close one, eh?

I've left her outside in the car.

I've got to get her luggage
out of his office, right?

And I can't do that until I'm
sure he's out of the building.

Has he gone yet?

Not yet, Colin, no.

If someone could put him
back on his chair, please.

Call yourself deputy manager?

Don't you dare try
something like this again.

Oh, there you are, Gordon. All set?

Bring him in, please, Laura.

On the sofa, please.

Gordon?

Yes, my darling, a rather
important disciplinary matter

to be settled before we go.

Wait outside, will you?

Right.

Julie, a couple of doughnuts
for my wife, please.

Colin, do you realise
what a serious offence you have committed?

I shouldn't have done
it, I know I shouldn't.

Impersonating a leisure centre manager?

It's not that serious, is it?

You can get shot in the army,
for something like that, Laura.

It's no more than I deserve, Mr. Brittas.

He hasn't done any actual harm.

No harm?

He's been telling lies,
and to his own daughter.

He just didn't want her to get hurt.

Ah, that's how it always starts, Laura.

You think lies are going
to make things easier,

so you tell the policeman
you don't know what speed

you were doing. You keep the
10p you found on the pavement.

You tell the Poppy Day
lady you've already given,

next thing you know
you're fiddling your tax

and taking paper clips home from work.

I've let you down very badly,
Mr. Brittas, I know that.

You've been very foolish, Colin.

Foolish can't begin to
describe it, Mr. Brittas.

I've been selfish and, and reckless.

And here's you just
trying to enjoy yourself

on your one day off
after all your hard work.

I'm not interrupting, am I?

Who are you?

This is Stephanie,
Mr. Weatherby's daughter.

Hi. You must be Gordon.

Sorry?

Dad's told me so much about you.

He's been telling quite
a few stories today.

Well, he's always said
if it weren't for you

this place would crumble inside a week.
-Has he?

You're the one who gave him
the idea about the dream, aren't you?

When Dad first wrote to me
about that I thought it was

the most exciting idea
I'd ever come across.

Did you?

Well, it certainly sorted out
what I'm going to do with my life.

Right. And that is?

I'm going to work in leisure centres.

Yeah, if I can just get my qualifications,

I want to dedicate the rest of my life
to bringing people together through sport.

Well, Stephanie, I must say I wish more
young people had that sort of idealism.

Yeah, well, it's like Dad
said in one of his letters,

you have to think not what
your leisure centre can do

for you, but rather what you
can do for your leisure centre.

Tell me, Gordon, what's he
really like to work for?

Stephanie, Mr. Brittas,
doesn't work for me.

No?
-No.

No.
-That's right.

We have a motto at this
leisure centre, Stephanie.

None of us actually work for the manager,

we all work for the team.

Well, that's very kind of you to say so...

Gordon.

That's quite all right -- Mr Weatherby.

It's been so wonderful meeting you all.

Bye Laura.
-Bye, Stephanie.

Bye, Gordon.

You better watch out for this one, Dad,

he'll be after your job next.

Be all right until I get back, will you?

We'll do our best, Mr. Weatherby.

If there's any problem
you can always ring me at the station.

Don't push it, Colin.

Sorry, Mr. Brittas.

You must know how very
grateful I am for everything...

Get in the car, Colin.

We've all learned an
important lesson today, Laura.

Have we, Mr. Brittas?

One worth remembering.

When weighed in the balance,
the happiness of others is even

more important than the
slavish adherence to the truth.

I must try and remember that, Mr. Brittas.

Now, if you'd excuse me,

I have something small and
furry to return to its owner.

See you there, my love.

Where is he going now?

He's had something of a change of heart,

he's going to give a cat to Carole.

Oh, good.

Um, Laura, would you mind
looking after the picture for me?

What?

I couldn't destroy it.

I've done so little with my life.

I just wanted something to be
able to show my grandchildren.

I see.

So if you wouldn't mind looking after it,

just till we get...

Gordon!