Original subtitles

How do I look?

You look fine dear. Very smart.

Well, first day. Got to set the standards.

God, we're lucky. We've got so much, haven't we?

Not just each other, but the job, the house, the children.

Who's the little one?

That's Tom!!

No. I meant this chap here.

I don't know. He must have come from next door

I think I'll just pop out tell him I'm off.

Do you have to, dear? They seem to be enjoying themselves.

Good morning, good morning. Good morning, lads.

Now, allow me, by the benefit of my experience,

to show you exactly how you can improve your game.

OK Tommy.

You go and stand in the gully just stand in the gully, just there, alright?

Now, for a start, 3 fingers apart.

Okay, come on big lad, give me one. Send one down.

Nice and clear.

I'll show you...

You see that's the kind of thing you've got to follow through you see...

Give me it back. No.

Give me it back.

No Give me it back. -No

I haven't finished my demonstration.

You can improve you game. Give me it back. -No. - Oh!!!!

Well, if that's the way it's going to be, I'll take it, thank you.

I'm afraid my little boy's got into your garden.

Do come in. Sorry.

Well there's a hole in the fence you see,

and I told him to wait until you'd settled in,

but I just hope he's not being a nuisance.

No. They're playing beautifully together.

I've had to confiscate this.

I said he can have it back when he's prepared to apologise properly.

Gordon, this is

Pam, Pam Shields.

Hello.

Thoroughly unpleasant child.

I think he got in through that hole in the fence.

Remind me to nail something across it, will you?

Could I have my son's birthday present back please?

What? Oh.

Hadn't you better hurry Gordon? You don't want to be late for work.

No, of course, not.

I thought I might ask a few of the staff back here this evening. -Fine.

I don't suppose they'll be able to make it

but say, 30?

30.

Perfect. Wonderful isn't she?

Bye bye, darling.

Nice to have met you, Pam.

I'll collect my son.

I'm sorry about all that. I'm afraid my husband...

He doesn't mean to...

Would you like a drink?

I've just had a coffee, thank you.

I was thinking of something bit stronger than that.

You see, there's something I think I ought to explain about Gordon.

Usually I find it a bit easier if I drink.

Ah, excuse me. If you could spare a moment?

Yes, you.

Good morning.

I was wondering if you noticed,

when you lit your cigarette just then, what you did with the packet?

Yes, I thought probably not.

You threw it on the ground.

Now, this possibly isn't the time to discuss smoking

and the rights and wrongs, damage done to your health,

but litter, litter's another matter.

I'd be grateful if you pick it up and dispose of it

in one of the many bins you have in fact erected yourself for that very purpose.

Alright?

Ah. Is that for pointing?

Cos if it is, I think you will find you've got too much sand in the mixture.

We don't want the whole place crumbling away after a few years do we, eh?

There's another one over here.

Good morning.

We haven't opened yet. Thursday, we open Thursday.

Yes, I'm aware of that. I'm Gordon Brittas, the new manager.

I'm so sorry, it's just that...

.. And you are?

Carol -Carol. Yes, well,

if anyone wants me I'll be in my office, Carol, alright?

Yes, Mr. Brittas.

It may seem a small point, Carol,

but I think the face we present to the public is rather important, don't you?

Yes, Mr. Brittas.

And when people come through those doors for a game of squash or whatever,

you are the one that creates that vital first impression.

Now there's a little rule of thumb I've always found useful.

The first thing we do is smile.

The first thing we say is "How can I help you?"

How can I help you?

It draws people in, Carol. You see? Point taken?

Yes, Mr. Brittas.

Good.

Here we are Carol. These will make you feel better.

Ah, now what's wrong here?

Oh, she just feeling a bit down aren't you, Carol?

No, no, think again.

What?

Coffee cup.

Cups leave little stains.

We don't little stains spoiling our brand new centre, do we now?

I'm sure she'll be careful.

I've no doubt she will. That's not the point I was making, though.

We have to have rules, don't we?

Well, she needs to take a couple of aspirin.

Let's make that the first new rule of the centre, shall we?

No beverages outside the staff restroom, alright?

She's not well -- actually.

I've no doubt about that at all. That's not the point.

She's not alright at all

Well, if there's anything I can do?

You could let her have a cup of coffee.

I'm sure Carol doesn't want coffee stains in Reception

any more than the rest of us, do you, Carol?

Have you any idea what she's feeling...

It's okay. It's okay. -She shouldn't even be here!

She had a baby girl 3 weeks ago.

She's suffering from post natal depression.

Her husband's left and gone to live in Spain with her best friend.

Alright. Alright. Alright,

I'll tell you what, let's have a compromise, shall we?

How about Carol pops outside and drinks it in the car park?

Hello?

Excuse me, this is the manager's office?

That's right. He should be here any minute.

You must be Colin.

Laura Lancing. Deputy manager - dry.

Colin Wetherby. Deputy manager - wet. This is all very exciting isn't it?

Would you like some coffee and a biscuit, Colin?

Not for me, thank you. I never take coffee,

and I find that the gluten in biscuits

takes the edge off my fitness programme.

Oh, I see.

I always say that if you fill your body full of poisons,

you can't really be surprised if it doesn't operate on its full potential.

No, I suppose not.

Sorry, I'm late. Slight crisis down in Reception.

Gordon Brittas. You must be Laura.

That's right. -Good to have you on the team Laura.

And this is? -I'm Colin, deputy - wet.

Colin.... -Yes.

Colin.

So, you're the man with two PE degrees and a Diploma in Physical Studies.

That's right.

Advanced homoeopathy counselor, trained yoga teacher

and author of a pamphlet on how to Achieve Peak Fitness in three weeks.

That's me.

Yes, well, welcome aboard Colin. Let's get down to it, shall we?

Now, if we are going to open next Thursday, we've got a lot to do.

I've already made out an agenda for this morning, which... What's this?

This is a rough timetable I've made up for my Department.

Good. Good. Can I ask what method you used?

Pardon?

For working out the roster? Dowhouse? Blackenbottis?

Oh, no, I just rang round and asked people what they wanted to do.

Yes, well, with respect, I think you'll find this a little more scientific.

I used Sternheim, so it should be comprehensively balanced.

Although I welcome any little suggestions you have to make.

Right, Mr. Brittas.

Gordon, please. We are, after all,

just one big extended family, isn't that so, Colin?

Yes yes of course -- Mr. Brittas.

Right, we have a staff meeting at 11 o'clock this morning.

Most of them are already down in the restroom.

Splendid, but first I thought we might... What's that smell?

It could be my herbal poultice.

I put it on a tin of mung beans at the weekend, it's still suppurating away.

It doesn't seem to want to heal up.

Yes, quite.

I thought we might have a quick tour of the site though, before we...

If you could just wait outside, please, we're in the middle of a meeting.

But..

And if you could shut the door.

That was Mrs Dapping. Councillor Dapping,

head of the Borough Recreation Committee.

Mrs. Dapping. Come in.

Thank you. I don't want to interrupt anything.

Of course not.

But it's just that I've always taken a very keen interest

in the progress of the centre, and I wondered if you...

You're always welcome here, Mrs Dapping.

In fact, you're just in time to join us on a little tour

of the site to see how the building work's coming along.

That's what was worrying me. -What? -There isn't any building going on.

Apparently, one of your staff was very rude to a builder this morning.

They're holding a strike meeting in the car park. -Whoooo.

Come along, Colin.

No good crying about it. Let's go and sort this thing out, shall we?

Mother I found out this morning Derek hasn't been paying the mortgage.

Well, yes, yes, I suppose I should have checked, but...

I do have a bit of money put aside and I was wondering if you could let...

Are you sure that was wise, Mr. Brittas?

I will not have blaspheming, Colin.

Not in these grounds. Not while I'm in charge.

I can see I need to postpone that staff meeting.

I'll tell you what, I'll break the news to the staff,

while you explain things to the site manager.

You mean go back outside? On my own?

Just tell him what happened and roughly what we expect of him, Colin.

What do we expect of him, Mr. Brittas?

Well, for a start, you could tell him

that once his men are prepared

to moderate their language, they can have their shovels back.

I don't need marriage guidance, mother.

I need 700 pounds.

I'll just pop upstairs with these Carol. I'll be right with you. Okay? -Thank you.

Oh look, here's a tissue. -Thank you.

Forgotten already have we?

What?

Remember? Coffee cups?

I thought we sorted this one out half an hour ago.

I don't believe it.

We don't want cups of coffee in Reception. -Okay. Okay, I heard.

We don't want cups of coffee in reception.

There you are.

We don't want those either! Does that help?

Does that make you feel better?

It certainly helped me.

Carol, could you see if you can find someone to clear this up please?

I'll call you later, Mom. Yes, Mr. Brittas.

And don't forget the golden rule, Carol, How... -...can I help you?

And a smile, Carol.

Morning all. Everyone bright eyed and bushy tailed?

Good. Now we've had to postpone the staff meeting till 11:30.

Got a slight problem with the builders that needs sorting out.

However, I do have the staff roster for when we open next week

and perhaps while you're waiting you'd all like to take a look at it.

Mr. Brittas. -Yes.

Neil Pettit. I just wanted to say how very much I'm looking forward to working here.

Excellent, that's what we like to hear. Let's hope everyone feels the same way.

Oh yeah, I think they do Mr. Brittas, we can't wait to get...

Has there been some mistake?

What? Where?

Assisting the pool.

It's got me down as assisting in the pool every day.

What about table tennis?

What about table tennis?

Well it's what I do.

It's what I was hired for. I've been put on the pool every day.

Yes, well if that's what it says.

But, that's crazy.

I reached the national semi finals as an under 16.

I've captained the County team for 5 years.

We played the Toyota paint spray shop last year.

Neil, if you give me something in writing,

I'll be happy to look at it for next season.

I'm afraid for the moment though, you're on the pool.

I wonder if I could have a word, please?

And you are?

Tim. -Tim.

and I'm Linda.

Yes...

Well, Tim and Linda, what can we do for you?

It's about my free periods.

I've been to a great deal of trouble to be scrupulously fair, Tim.

No, no, I'm sure you have it's just that I'd like

to be off on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons,

and I was wondering, would it be alright if I swap with Linda?

I'm afraid not. No.

I don't mind.

Linda, I went to a great deal of trouble to do that roster.

What would happen if everyone wanted to change?

Well, I can't see it would make much difference in this case,

Yes, well, with respect, that's possibly why I'm in charge of this Centre, not you.

Who's doing it then?

Doing what?

Table tennis!

As a matter of fact, nobody's doing it, Neil.

I decided we have better things to spend money on than teaching adolescents

to tap a ball over a 2 inch net.

You'll just have to accept it, you're on the pool.

But, I can't swim.

Well, you've got til Thursday to learn, haven't you!

Can Gavin change then? -Gavin? Who's Gavin.

Hello.

You see, the thing is, we spend a lot of time together.

Well, we have the same hobbies, the same interests.

We get on really well together, we...

It would help us a great deal.

I've explained the situation Tim, and I've got a great deal of work to do.

I can't stand around arguing about afternoons off.

Is there a Damian Barker here please? -Yes.

Ah, Damian. Could I have a quick word?

Now, you're possibly wondering why you're not down for any pool duties.

Sorry?

I've got your medical record here. I think you understand.

What's there to understand?

Alright. You know, and I know that it can't be transmitted by water,

but the public get very uneasy about these things

and we have to remember...

What things? What are you talking about?

I'm talking about sexually transmitted diseases.

Sexual... I don't have a sexually transmitted disease.

I've got your record here, and it's quite...

You're absolutely right, Damian. Very embarrassing.

Is there a Nigel Redcliffe here please?

I can't pay the mortgage, Mr. Wilson. I told you.

I've got a 3 week old baby. What am I supposed to do?

What do you mean, make other arrangements?

What do would you want me to do?

Who's done that Carol?

Oh, Mrs. Delgardo. Hang on Mister Wilson.

Doesn't it break your heart?

I only done it half an hour ago, and look at it.

Yes, I'm terribly sorry. Do you think you could...

I suppose I'll have to. But don't worry. I'll get some water.

You just keep him talking. I'll get an ambulance.

Good grief. Oi, where do you think you're going? You haven't finished yet.

I haven't started. I'm just...

I'm sick of excuses.

I said I'll do it in a minute.

In a minute's not good enough.

I want this cleared up and I want it done now.

There's no need to shout.

Well, what am I supposed to do to get things done round here?

Lie down and cut an artery?

If people just got on with their jobs instead

of all this moaning, moaning, moaning...

I don't have to be spoken to like this. I didn't spill it.

And I cleaned that floor once already this morning.

Look, you have your job, I have mine.

I run this centre. You make sure it's not knee deep in coffee cups.

Doesn't sound too difficult to me.

If you are such a bloody expert, you can clean it yourself.

But Mister Wilson I couldn't. It's...

Carol!

Hang on, Mr. Wilson, please.

Remember what we said earlier? How...

... Can I help you?

Smile, Carol. Don't forget to smile.

Mr. Wilson. How can I help you?

No, I couldn't.

He's not quite what I expected.

Mr. Brittas?

Yes.

No.

Of course, I was away when the committee appointed him,

but they all said he did a very reasonable interview.

Really?

And he had the most wonderful reference from Aldershot.

I saw it. They said how sorry they'd be to lose him. But as he was so clearly

heading for the top, they didn't feel that they could stand in his way.

Maybe once he's settled in. Got to know us all.

Yes. Yes, I'm sure you're right.

My God, it's chaos out there.

Laura, go down to first aid and help Colin.

He's got a nasty gash on the head from a shovel.

What happened?

What hasn't happened?

I've got builders who won't build.

I've got cleaners who won't clean, and I've...

Hello, is that the Police?

Yes, Gordon Brittas here. The manager of the leisure centre.

I'm afraid one of my staff seems to have had a breakdown.

Yes, I think an ambulance is an excellent idea.

And yes, possibly a qualified electrician.

Well, at the moment he's wired himself up to the emergency lighting circuit.

Yes, thank you very much, bye.

You've been meeting some of the staff have you?

Yes, I think we've got a good team there,

once they settle down of course.

Mind you, you one or two of them... -Yes...

Well, you don't have to be Alfred Einstein to see how some of them got the job.

How do you mean?

Well, take Colin for instance.

I mean, far be it from me, but he's a classic case, I'm afraid.

What are you saying, Mr. Brittas?

Someone realises they've got a bit of a chocolate teapot.

And you can't fire people these days, just because they're no good.

So what you do, is you encourage them to look for promotion.

That's why I had all those references.

So that's how it happened.

There's nothing we can do about it, Mrs Dapping.

Nothing at all?

Not unless we are prepared to play the same dirty game.

Ironic, isn't it?

He's all right. He's covered the wound in bay leaves.

Mr. Brittas, I don't know if you want a word with the cleaning lady,

only her husband is just taking her home.

I've got rather a lot on my plate at the moment, Laura.

I think we'll just have to manage without a cleaning lady for today.

No, No. She's going for good and her husband with her.

He's the heating engineer. He's turned off all the boilers.

The building inspector says he can't give a building

worthiness certificate until he seen the heating in action

and he wants you to know that he can't come again for a fortnight.

All I can say is thank God I got here today.

Just imagine if all that happened yesterday with no one to sort it out, eh?

Thank you.

Laura?

Yes?

Laura, if Brittas ever suggests he'd like a job

somewhere else, you will let me know won't you?

Yes, yes alright.

I'd be very happy to write him a reference.

I think this is all we're going to get, Mister Brittas.

Do you think so?

We've had quite a few resignations.

Right.

Good afternoon everyone. Sorry about the delay.

The latest news in our industrial dispute, by the way,

is that I've put a few propositions in writing to the builders,

and I expect their reply sometime this evening.

Welcome to Whitbury New Town Leisure Centre.

Now, I'm sure you're all as keen as I am to get the new team up and running,

and I'd like first to invite you all back to my house this evening

so we can get to know each other in a relaxed, off duty atmosphere.

8 o'clock, not before. Let me know numbers after the meeting, alright?

Now, as you can see, there are many, many things we need to talk about.

but in view of today's events I'd like to depart, if I may, from my agenda

and share with you an idea. A dream.

We live in a divided world. A world where race is set against race.

The young against the old, the rich against the poor,

the North against the South, and everyone against the Irish.

I believe we at this centre can change all of that.

I believe we can do a lot more than just provide entertainment for local people.

I believe that we, who hold the strings,

can draw the Community together, weld it... What's that?

Table tennis bat, Mr. Brittas.

It could have killed someone!

It's been specially sharpened.

Where did it come from?

Look. Up there.

It's Neil!

How do you fancy a game of ping pong now, Mister Brittas?

Has he used all his bats, Colin?

He's got dozens of them, Mister Brittas. He's very keen on table tennis. -Yes.

Look Neil, or if you've got something to say,

I think you should come down here out in the open and say it.

It's too late for talking, Brittas. Let's play.

He's got a table tennis table.

Alright, which one of you is Brittas?

Gentlemen, how can I help you?

As I said, welcome to Whitbury New Town Leisure Centre.

Has he always been like that?

I suppose he has really.

Didn't seem to matter so much when he was younger, but once he got promoted...

I remember one time in Runcorn. I watched

him walk through this yoga relaxation class.

Not stop or anything, just walk on through,

but by the time he'd given a few words of

encouragement here and there, four of the women

were having a fist fight and the teacher set

fire to the Hall with his meditation stuff.

Doesn't it bother him? I mean, doesn't he mind?

Actually, no.

You see, it's funny, but Gordon has this idea

that he's the oil that keeps the engine running smoothly.

So he pours himself liberally into the gearbox.

But of course, he's not the oil and never has been.

He's a bag of grit...

Look, I came round to bring you these from the garden.

How lovely. Thanks.

And I wondered if you wanted any help with the party?

Oh, good Lord, no. I'd forgotten. Thanks for reminding me, Pam.

Want a hand?

Oh thanks.

When did you do all these?

June 1985?

Yes. I just take them out when I need them.

But isn't it rather dangerous to keep thawing and refreezing?

Only if you eat them.

I'm home darling.

Sorry I'm late darling. Rather a busy day.

Hello Pat!

Good evening, Mr. Brittas.

Nice to see you again. Can I get you a drink? or do you have to go?

I'm just leaving.

Good. Good. I'm sorry darling. -What?

The party - I decided not to ask anyone back tonight.

Thursday. Rather a lot happening already.

Oh never mind. I know, why don't I put them in the deep freeze?

We don't want to see your good work go to waste.

I'll think I'll just pop up and say goodnight to the children, alright?

Oh, those tomatoes look a bit manky, darling,

I wouldn't shop there again if I were you.

Perhaps Pam can recommend a decent green grocers?

It's always like that, is it?

Yes, yes it is.

It's extraordinary isn't it, he's -- Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean to be rude

Don't you worry. I don't.

I'll take these shall I?

Certainly not. He'll have them for breakfast tomorrow

and he'll tell me how lucky he is to have such a clever little woman in the kitchen.

Gordon knows how important compliments are in a relationship.

He learnt it on a course.

See you soon. -Bye.

I've told Jonathan he can have it back when

he's prepared to behave in an adult responsible manner.

Right, Gordon. -- How did it go today?

One or two teething troubles, but that's only to be expected.

Hmmm.

I think we've got a good team there once we get to know each other of course.

It's what I've always dreamed of, Helen.

At last I've got the buildings, the resources, the authority.

We live in a divided world...

Not now, Gordon.

Uh, no. I think I'll fix the car first.

What's wrong with the car?

Colin very kindly towed me home.

Shouldn't take too long.

What's wrong with the car, Gordon?

Just a practical joke. The sort of thing the new boy has to expect I'm afraid.

Thursday. High spirits.

What did they do?

A couple of...

A couple of shovelfuls of what?