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1
00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:28,320
WOMAN: I'm not driving you.
GIRL: Please.
2
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:29,680
I said no!
3
00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:32,240
Fine. I'm gonna miss English.
Ooh, you better not.
4
00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:35,680
I spend every waking hour
paying for your fucking school fees.
5
00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:37,440
And that's my fault, is it?
6
00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:39,160
Obviously not.
7
00:00:39,160 --> 00:00:41,920
Great. So if you're done blaming me
for your decisions,
8
00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:45,080
you can drop me at the station.
Hey! Walk away from the car.
9
00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:47,680
Alice, get your hands
off the Corolla.
10
00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:55,920
And pull your skirt down at the back.
It's all hitched...
11
00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:04,480
Hey, Mia.
Hi, Sam.
12
00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:11,480
No, no. 110%. Too easy.
13
00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:13,600
Thank you. My pleasure.
14
00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:15,120
Bye.
15
00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:17,000
Sorry, it was the kid.
16
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:19,400
I don't wanna bore you with
the details, but that little turd,
17
00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:21,480
she was on fire this morning.
18
00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:25,440
(SIGHS) So what did he say?
19
00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:27,320
Readership's down,
they're haemorrhaging cash
20
00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:29,200
and someone's definitely
getting the arse.
21
00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:31,760
Oh, it's me, isn't it?
It's you...
22
00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:35,040
..or Stuart.
23
00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:40,160
Can't you make him sit down?
24
00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:42,800
You need to annihilate him.
25
00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:45,560
Oh, I can do that.
Yeah, but historically, you can't.
26
00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:47,040
Yes, I can.
Sam!
27
00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:49,320
You're a better writer,
you're a better human.
28
00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:50,760
Nobody cares.
29
00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:54,520
They want one piece
from each of you.
30
00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:56,160
Different advertorials.
31
00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:58,080
A new-age float tank.
32
00:01:58,080 --> 00:01:59,840
Sex toy for couples.
33
00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:03,240
Oh, don't make me cry.
I'm giving you the first choice.
34
00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:05,480
Do the float tank.
35
00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:07,840
You can spin gold out of that
in your sleep, you love a bath.
36
00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:10,520
I'm not topping Stuart
with a float tank.
37
00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:13,960
Give us the sex toy.
38
00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:20,440
Toys, plural.
39
00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:21,720
Yeah, yeah, whatever. Whatever.
40
00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:24,080
It's for couples.
41
00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:26,720
Don't fuck me.
Nah.
42
00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:28,560
Yeah.
You can count on me. (KISSES)
43
00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:31,880
Hey, Stuart. Hi.
Hey.
44
00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:33,880
Nice to see you.
45
00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:35,200
Stuart.
46
00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:43,040
George!
47
00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:44,920
Hey. Hey.
48
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,760
Sorry. Sorry, I'm late.
49
00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:49,520
I don't care.
50
00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:51,280
Hang on just a sec. (PANTS)
51
00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:55,880
Oh, yeah.
52
00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:58,440
Oh, Leish wants you to bring
the sweet potato salad.
53
00:02:58,440 --> 00:02:59,880
Yeah, no, she told me.
54
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:02,200
Mate, I need a favour from you.
Can do.
55
00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:05,880
I need you to masturbate
into a machine for me.
56
00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:10,640
Look, if it's any help,
I'll also be wanking with a...
57
00:03:10,640 --> 00:03:12,360
..like a complimentary machine,
58
00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:13,760
same time.
How would that help?
59
00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:16,960
And, uh, both devices, they're
sort of connected to each other.
60
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:18,400
I mean, not physically.
61
00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:20,640
They could be in different
countries, that's a whole idea.
62
00:03:20,640 --> 00:03:22,800
Oh, this is for work.
Can't I just write you a cheque?
63
00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:25,160
Oh, mate,
you know I would take your money,
64
00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:27,840
but this is more than a bailout,
this is actually my future.
65
00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:29,320
Is it? Really?
Yes.
66
00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:31,040
Yes. My job is on the line.
67
00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:35,560
Look, if I had access to any other
cock at all, I wouldn't be asking.
68
00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:38,080
But I am getting less skilled
by the hour.
69
00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:39,840
I am knee-deep
in middle-age oblivion.
70
00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:41,360
And the truth is,
I don't give a shit.
71
00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:44,920
I want to be invisible,
but I also want to eat.
72
00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:47,200
And I want to educate my kid
and I don't want to be homeless.
73
00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:48,480
OK. OK.
74
00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:50,400
O... OK?
75
00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:54,800
So...what I've gotta...
76
00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:58,120
..put myself into...
Yeah. It's just like a...
77
00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:00,280
It's like a little fake vagina.
(CHUCKLES)
78
00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:04,080
It's in the back of the car.
79
00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:05,720
Thanks again, mate.
80
00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:07,320
Um...
81
00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:09,320
..uh...
82
00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:10,560
Oh.
83
00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:12,240
I owe you one.
84
00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:16,280
That is a bloody big box.
85
00:04:16,280 --> 00:04:17,760
Feel flattered.
86
00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:19,480
Also, I'm on a 48-hour deadline.
87
00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:22,240
Oh, mate, it's pretty busy the next
couple of days, it's chock-a-block.
88
00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:24,120
I can't just...
What about right now?
89
00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:06,120
(SIGHS)
(PHONE RINGS)
90
00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:08,720
Yep.
Uh, I feel like I've already failed.
91
00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:11,960
It...it looks like...a thermos.
92
00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:14,280
Um...
Or a bit of PVC pipe.
93
00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:16,560
Actually, that makes more sense.
Yeah, I'm just gonna...
94
00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:18,080
..read the instructions.
95
00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:20,200
You telling me you don't know how
to turn on a vibrator?
96
00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:22,680
Oh, mate, this is not
your usual vibrator.
97
00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:24,480
Maybe you should put that
in your article.
98
00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:26,880
Yeah. Why don't you write it?
99
00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:28,360
I will.
100
00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:31,880
Oh, here we go.
101
00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:33,800
I've got an instructional video.
102
00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:34,960
I'm gonna watch this.
103
00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:40,040
VOICEOVER: Welcome to a brave
new world of sexual indulgence
104
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:42,960
where physical distance
is no longer a barrier
105
00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:46,080
and modern technology
meets old-fashioned romance.
106
00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:47,800
Am I supposed to just put it
straight into that,
107
00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:49,440
without any lube or...?
108
00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:51,200
..adjustable clit arm.
109
00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:55,200
Any user anywhere
can control the vagina.
110
00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:58,160
OK, well, I don't want to do that.
I mean, who does?
111
00:05:58,160 --> 00:06:00,520
Like, who are they talking to?
Psychologically, I mean?
112
00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:01,760
It's pretty reductive.
113
00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:04,560
They clearly underestimate
the complexity of male sexuality.
114
00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:07,280
We've got to charge
the fucking things.
115
00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:08,760
(CHEWS)
116
00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:12,560
I mean, seriously?
117
00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:16,040
How hard is it to bang one out
the old-fashioned way?
118
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:20,280
It's not that hard.
119
00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:24,280
Oh!
120
00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:25,960
Well, that...that feels incredible.
121
00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:27,640
Oh, fuck! Mine's moving!
122
00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:29,120
Is yours moving?
(DING!)
123
00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:33,920
(VIBRATES)
Ooh.
124
00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:36,480
Oh, yeah, it's doing something.
125
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:37,840
OK, well...
126
00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:40,720
..what do we do now?
127
00:06:42,280 --> 00:06:44,400
I'm just gonna go in.
What, no foreplay?
128
00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:46,960
Yeah, well, mate, you just keep up.
129
00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:48,240
OK, hang on.
130
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:50,480
(GROANS)
131
00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:53,480
(GRUNTS)
132
00:06:56,280 --> 00:06:57,680
Oh.
133
00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:00,320
Oh.
134
00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:03,280
Alright, can you feel anything?
135
00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:05,680
Oh, yep! Oh, I really can.
136
00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:09,080
Yeah? OK, I'm just going to, um...
137
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:10,880
..have a little poke around.
138
00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:13,160
If you feel something,
you just tell me, yeah?
139
00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:14,960
Oh, fuck!
140
00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:17,760
Wow.
Yeah, yeah!
141
00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:19,040
Yeah.
142
00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:21,400
Oh, my...God!
143
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,800
Are they, uh...
are they happy sounds or...?
144
00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:26,000
Yeah, yep, yeah... (MOANS)
145
00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:27,040
Great.
146
00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:30,600
OK, so I'm just gonna fire off
a few questions as we go,
147
00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:33,880
so I just get a sense of
what the experience is for you.
148
00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:36,960
But if it's too distracting,
you just tell me 'cause I can...
149
00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:38,480
I can save them all up for the end.
150
00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:42,200
Oh, Sammy. So... Wait...
Oh, my... (GROANS)
151
00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:44,280
(MOANS) Oh, fu... Oh, can...
152
00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:46,640
Oh, fuck. S...sorry.
153
00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:48,560
Sorry. So... (GROANS)
154
00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:50,280
Oh, fuck.
155
00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:51,560
Sorry. (SIGHS)
156
00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:54,040
Did you just...?
157
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:57,200
Yep, I really did... Oh, God!
158
00:07:57,200 --> 00:08:00,080
Oh, you are fucking kidding me.
159
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:04,680
Oh, my God, I have not felt
anything like that in my life.
160
00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:07,200
That thing could end the human race.
161
00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:09,720
Holy shit! It felt that good.
162
00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:12,160
Oh, fuck. So sorry.
163
00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:14,000
Oh, no.
Sorry.
164
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:16,200
It's fine. I'm happy for you.
165
00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:19,840
Oh, thanks, mate. (SIGHS)
How'd you go?
166
00:08:19,840 --> 00:08:21,200
You didn't even turn me on.
167
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:22,720
Oh.
168
00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:25,320
That's...embarrassing.
169
00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:27,000
Oh, who am I gonna tell?
170
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,160
Um...mate, just give me...
171
00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:31,080
Give me 40 to an hour to reload.
172
00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:33,280
Ah, mate, it's not your actual dick.
173
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:37,240
Oh, yeah? How good's that, eh?
174
00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:39,520
Yeah. Yeah, that's really handy.
175
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,600
Oh, so I'm just, um...
176
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:42,960
I'm just hitting buttons, am I?
177
00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:44,040
Yep. That's it.
178
00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:46,800
(BEEPING)
What's that? What's that doing?
179
00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:48,520
Nothing.
180
00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:50,480
Oh. Uh...
181
00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:52,040
How about now?
182
00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:54,920
Um, nup. Nothing.
183
00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:57,280
Now?
Nothing.
184
00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:00,240
Ow!
Good ow?
185
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:02,560
No, that's painful ow.
Ow! What are you doing?
186
00:09:02,560 --> 00:09:03,840
Well, it's a bit confusing.
187
00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:05,640
It's like they don't want you
to understand.
188
00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:07,360
Well, I managed to work it out.
(PHONE RINGS)
189
00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:09,600
Oh, fuck. Sorry. That's my alarm.
Hang on.
190
00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:12,400
Oh, could you just turn it off?
Yeah, I'm trying.
191
00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:19,600
It's Tom.
192
00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:23,800
I've gotta go pick him up.
Yeah. Yeah, of course.
193
00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:26,080
But, hey, at least we know
both machines work, yeah?
194
00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:28,880
So...so job done.
I cannot write that review.
195
00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:31,080
I cannot say, "The fake vagina
works a treat.
196
00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:32,800
"My mate blew in five seconds,
197
00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:34,960
"but then he had to go
and pick up his son
198
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:38,040
"so we will never know
if the fake dick works."
199
00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:39,720
Fair enough.
200
00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:41,240
Oh, my God.
201
00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:42,840
I'm running out of time.
202
00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:47,040
OK. Midday tomorrow.
203
00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:50,920
Thank you.
Don't thank me yet.
204
00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:53,640
Oh, jeez, it was easy
getting into this thing.
205
00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:56,120
It's proving a lot more difficult...
I'm, um...
206
00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:58,080
..to get back out.
..I'm just going to let you go.
207
00:09:58,080 --> 00:09:59,760
Yeah, OK, I need both hands.
208
00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:03,800
(SIGHS)
209
00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:05,120
Wait, big boy.
210
00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:08,440
(WATER RUNS)
211
00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:09,440
(TAP TURNS OFF)
212
00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:18,080
(SAM SIGHS)
213
00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:27,120
Oh.
214
00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:29,160
She's been in my room!
Oh, fuck off.
215
00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:30,720
Ella!
She had shoes on.
216
00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:32,480
Hey, pull your head in.
You are literally insane.
217
00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:34,400
It smells like dog poo.
She didn't go in there, mate.
218
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:36,760
I swear to God.
Back and forth and back and forth!
219
00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:38,440
Ella, why do you provoke him?
(GASPS)
220
00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:41,160
Tom. Tommy. Hey, Tommy.
221
00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:43,680
Hey, look at me.
Tommy, Look at me.
222
00:10:43,680 --> 00:10:45,560
Mate, it was me. I'm sorry.
223
00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:48,840
I went in there to drop off some
clean clothes, and I got distracted.
224
00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:51,240
I'm sorry, I forgot. I will...
225
00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:53,280
I'll disinfect it
straight after tea, OK?
226
00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:56,640
OK. Four breaths in...
(BOTH INHALE)
227
00:10:56,640 --> 00:10:58,520
..and out.
(BOTH EXHALE)
228
00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:00,480
And in
229
00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:01,960
and out.
230
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:05,080
Let's just have a nice dinner, OK?
Come on.
231
00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:07,200
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
232
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:08,760
(DOOR OPENS)
233
00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:12,960
Do you have to have your boobs
out like that?!
234
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:15,920
Well, they float, so...
Just put them away.
235
00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:18,040
I...I genuinely, I can't.
236
00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:20,840
You don't have to look at them
so disgustedly.
237
00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:23,920
This is really sad. You're
projecting your body shame onto me.
238
00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:25,200
How?
239
00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:27,960
I don't have time to educate you.
Where's dinner?
240
00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:30,360
It's, uh, in the fridge.
241
00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:33,840
Is it leftovers?
Yeah. You know it is, baby.
242
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:39,440
(DOOR SLAMS)
243
00:11:55,640 --> 00:11:57,720
(EXHALES)
244
00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:06,960
(PHONE RINGS)
245
00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:09,280
Hey.
246
00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:13,520
Hey, mate. Sorry. Sorry. It's been
one shitstorm after the other.
247
00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:15,080
I've just gotten home.
248
00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:18,560
The boys went to the wrong site,
the bloody concrete came late.
249
00:12:18,560 --> 00:12:20,600
Just give me a couple of secs.
250
00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:23,000
Is it just work shitstorms or...?
251
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:24,720
Oh, it's pretty even spread.
252
00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:27,000
We've hit another rough patch
with Tom.
253
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:30,080
Oh, shit. Is it new meds?
254
00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:32,120
No.
255
00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:35,880
That's probably on the cards,
though, yeah.
256
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:37,200
Well, how's Liesh?
257
00:12:38,560 --> 00:12:40,120
Yeah, yeah. She's, um...
258
00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:42,760
She's feeling it.
259
00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:43,880
Yeah.
260
00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:45,880
Well, give him my love.
261
00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:47,680
Yeah.
262
00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:49,000
Yeah, I will.
263
00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:57,680
Do you...
264
00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:01,680
..reckon this is something
that we should have run by Leish?
265
00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:06,920
Um, maybe you could have
put that on the table
266
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:09,360
before I came into a machine, but...
267
00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:12,320
N-no.
268
00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:16,520
I mean... No, no, it's OK.
Yeah. No, it's...it's fine.
269
00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:19,640
I've already done it anyway, so...
270
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:23,200
Yeah, OK. Well, um, great.
271
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:26,760
Alright, so I've read
the instruction booklet, you know,
272
00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:28,680
cover to cover, so I've really
got a handle on it now.
273
00:13:28,680 --> 00:13:31,000
Was I supposed to read that?
In a perfect world, yeah.
274
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:33,240
But I didn't expect you to,
so I'm gonna walk you through it.
275
00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:37,120
Are you in yet?
276
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:38,560
No, I gotta...I gotta
put the phone down.
277
00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:40,400
Oh, yeah. OK, so go on.
278
00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:46,080
And when you're ready, we're just
going to go back into your settings.
279
00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:47,280
Yeah?
280
00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:49,480
(EXHALES)
281
00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:52,040
OK, I'm...I'm in.
282
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:54,480
Alright, great.
Alright, so let's go...
283
00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:55,960
No, hang on. I'll get my phone.
Yeah.
284
00:13:57,160 --> 00:13:59,440
OK, uh...I'm in settings.
285
00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:00,600
Yep.
286
00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:01,920
It's not lit up like before.
287
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:07,040
Why are you FaceTiming me?
288
00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:09,000
Just answer it and show me
your phone screen.
289
00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:13,080
Are you...
290
00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:14,280
..in bed?
291
00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:17,160
Yeah.
292
00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:19,040
So, uh, show us your phone screen.
293
00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:20,040
Uh, y-yep.
294
00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:22,440
OK, um...
295
00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:24,240
Oh, yeah, see where it says
'Bluetooth'?
296
00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:25,240
Yeah.
297
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:26,840
Yeah, and that little white dot
on the right?
298
00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:28,080
That was green before.
299
00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:30,040
Fuck sake. Just...just push that.
300
00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:31,120
Oh, yeah.
(CHIMES)
301
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:32,160
Oh, yeah. Green again.
302
00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:33,200
Yeah, there you go.
303
00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:36,600
Yeah. OK, let's get this
party started.
304
00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:38,560
Um, let's just, um...
305
00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:41,000
Let me just set the tone here.
Please.
306
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,120
Alright, so we're just going
to take baby steps, alright?
307
00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:45,040
And we're going to do it together.
308
00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:46,760
Say no more.
Oh, well, I will say more.
309
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:48,880
I'll say more about the remote.
No, you probably should.
310
00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:49,880
Yeah.
About the remote. Yep.
311
00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:52,600
So if you just think about it
like it's...
312
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,720
..it's just like a video game
or it's...it's like a TV remote.
313
00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:56,920
Right. Right.
You know?
314
00:14:56,920 --> 00:14:59,040
You can. Here you go. You can go up.
315
00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:00,240
OK.
316
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:02,040
Mm. You can go down.
317
00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:04,480
Oh!
Or you can go left.
318
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:07,160
Yep.
And you can go right.
319
00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:09,680
Just like driving a forklift.
Yep.
320
00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:10,840
Oh.
321
00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:12,360
Phew. Ah.
322
00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:13,760
Oh, OK.
323
00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:15,360
So...up.
324
00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:16,800
Oh, hello.
325
00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:21,440
OK. OK, that's doing something.
326
00:15:21,440 --> 00:15:22,680
Good something?
327
00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:25,000
How about if I do this?
Ah...
328
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:28,640
Is that better or...?
Yeah, that's not bad.
329
00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:30,920
Alright, how about if I do this?
330
00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:33,160
Oh, fuck. Um...
331
00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:34,800
I'm just gonna.
332
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:36,760
I'm just gonna turn the camera off.
333
00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:37,760
Oh, that good?
334
00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:39,640
Yeah, I just don't want to see
your come face.
335
00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:41,200
I actually happen to look
quite handsome.
336
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:42,800
Ha! No, you don't.
337
00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:44,240
How do you know? Leish likes it.
338
00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:45,800
She's lying.
339
00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:49,320
Alright, how about some,
uh, some role play?
340
00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:53,120
The, um, the... (SCOTTISH ACCENT)
..the tale of the simple-minded gimp.
341
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:54,680
Is that's supposed to be Irish?
342
00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:57,080
It's clearly Scottish.
Oh. You have a go, then.
343
00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:58,720
Oh...
344
00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:00,360
That's not gonna...
Oh...
345
00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:02,400
OK. Yep.
..happen.
346
00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:03,440
Oh.
347
00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:05,000
Oh, my God.
348
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,080
OK.
349
00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:08,200
Oh, Jesus.
350
00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:11,320
Oh, fuck me!
351
00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:13,200
Oh, my God.
No wonder you came so quickly.
352
00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:15,640
Oh, oh, oh! Thank you.
Oh, fuck.
353
00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:17,560
Oh, if you could just, um...
354
00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:20,000
Oh, could you just turn me up?
355
00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:21,440
Just...just...just a little?
356
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:23,200
Oh! Yep. Yeah. Yeah.
357
00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:24,520
Oh!
Oh, God.
358
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:25,680
Oh. Oh.
359
00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:28,040
Is it, um...
360
00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:31,040
..is it too weird if I, uh...
361
00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:32,640
I want to see your face.
362
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:43,680
Oh, fuck.
363
00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:45,920
Oh.
Oh.
364
00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:47,360
Oh. Yeah, yeah.
365
00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:49,720
Oh, I just...I am...
366
00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:52,640
Oh, fuck. I'm right behind you.
Oh. OK, slow it down.
367
00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:54,840
Right there, right there, right
there. Right there. Right there.
368
00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:56,080
Could you just...
Oh.
369
00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:57,320
Oh, fuck. Turn me up!
370
00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:58,520
Yeah, yeah.
371
00:16:58,520 --> 00:16:59,760
Oh, God!
372
00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:01,640
Oh! Oh!
373
00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:03,480
Oh! Oh!
Oh, Jesus.
374
00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:04,760
Oh!
(DOOR OPENS)
375
00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:06,560
Oh, no. Wait, wait! Stop! Wait!
376
00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:08,880
No, don't... Fuck! Don't come...
It's not what it looks like.
377
00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:10,280
Jesus. What the fuck?!
378
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:11,280
Oh, God.
379
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:12,800
Oh, no. Oh, fuck.
380
00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:14,000
Oh, God!
381
00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:16,480
Oh!
382
00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:18,280
Oh! Oh!
383
00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:21,160
Oh, God!
384
00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:22,280
Oh!
385
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:24,280
Oh.
386
00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:26,240
(PANTS)
387
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:32,760
Shit.
388
00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:35,760
(PHONE RINGS)
G'day.
389
00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:37,520
This is George
from Creek Custom Concrete.
390
00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:39,720
Sorry, I can't come to the phone
right now. Just leave a message.
391
00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:40,760
(BEEP!)
392
00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:47,120
(GASPS) God!
393
00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:48,280
Why aren't you at school?!
394
00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:49,800
Half day.
395
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:51,120
How long have you been here?
396
00:17:51,120 --> 00:17:53,120
Why are you out of breath?
I'm not out of breath.
397
00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:56,640
Have you been shopping?
398
00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:57,920
No.
399
00:17:57,920 --> 00:18:00,800
I'm sorry. I'm on a deadline, so
just...just order what you want.
400
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:02,440
I failed my philosophy exam.
401
00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:03,840
What?
402
00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:06,400
Oh, not the ethics one. Oh, bub.
403
00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:08,880
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
404
00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:12,560
(SNIFFS)
405
00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:14,360
What is that smell?
406
00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:16,760
What smell?
You smell like... (SNIFFS)
407
00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:18,360
..plastic or Play-Doh.
408
00:18:18,360 --> 00:18:20,640
Oh.
I'm getting sushi.
409
00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:39,440
(SIGHS)
410
00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:00,840
Fuck.
411
00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:14,000
(EXHALES) P-p-p-p-pah.
412
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:27,880
(CLOSES OVEN DOOR)
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
413
00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:37,280
Oh, my God. You're making dinner?
Oh, no, it's just a salad.
414
00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:38,280
Oh.
415
00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:41,280
We're supposed to be going to George
and Leisha's tonight for dinner,
416
00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:43,880
but, you know, if you've, um...
417
00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:47,320
..if you've got a lot on or if
you're not feeling that well or...
418
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,760
Why would you pull out this late
and risk setting Tommy off?
419
00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:53,480
I'm just thinking about you.
420
00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:55,160
I'm fine.
421
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:56,680
Really?
422
00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:00,040
I mean...I'm OK.
423
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:04,960
Can I drive?
424
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:07,200
I screamed, yes.
I thought we were gonna crash.
425
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:08,360
We had heaps of room.
426
00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:10,160
I'll tell you one thing,
you are not driving home.
427
00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:11,200
Why?
428
00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:17,240
Why are you so jumpy?
I'm not jumpy!
429
00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:19,880
You are! Relax!
I'm not! I'm not!
430
00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:21,320
Hello, ladies.
431
00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:23,200
Hello, lady.
432
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:25,040
How's school?
Ask her.
433
00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:30,800
It's the single worst decision
I have ever made.
434
00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:34,600
Oh, come on. We both know you've
made much worse calls than that.
435
00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:43,960
TOMMY: Alice, do you want ice-cream?
436
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:45,520
ELLA: Nope, she doesn't.
437
00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:48,320
ALICE: Actually, I'd love some.
Thanks, Tommy.
438
00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:49,520
No worries.
439
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:52,640
Why are you being so nice to him?
440
00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:54,600
I don't know. He's cute.
441
00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:56,960
Fuck's sake, don't tell him.
442
00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:58,680
So...how's work?
443
00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:02,360
Oh, you know, same shit,
different bucket.
444
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:07,920
They put me on advertorials.
445
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:09,080
More wine, ladies?
446
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:10,360
Yeah, it's pretty painful.
Yeah, ta.
447
00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:11,560
Yeah, just up to there.
448
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:17,760
But, you know, the last one,
449
00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:20,120
very well received by the higher ups.
450
00:21:20,120 --> 00:21:21,880
Only been out 24 hours
451
00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:25,480
and already got more traffic
than my last 12 articles combined.
452
00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:27,320
So...
453
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:29,920
..still got a job,
which is, you know, nice.
454
00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:32,520
Just going to get the wine
that I left...
455
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:40,240
Are you going to keep
this shit up all night?
456
00:21:42,360 --> 00:21:44,680
I am so...
457
00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:46,320
What's he done now?
458
00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:49,040
Actually, you know what?
Don't tell me.
459
00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:53,200
Whatever it is, just go
give him a spray and sort it out.
460
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:54,960
Please, for my sake.
461
00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:58,160
That dinner was shit, mate.
462
00:21:58,160 --> 00:21:59,720
The kids had better banter.
463
00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:19,560
I don't know what to say.
464
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:21,600
Don't say anything.
465
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:24,240
I'm so sorry.
Just let's not...talk.
466
00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:41,920
I'm gonna talk.
I know you are.
467
00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:44,200
I am so sorry
that I made you do that.
468
00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:45,720
You didn't make me do anything.
469
00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:48,920
I just pulled out that
homeless old lady card.
470
00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:50,800
I mean, what sort of arsehole
does that?
471
00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:52,040
It was just that I was...
472
00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:54,560
..I was desperate, and I wasn't
thinking straight and...
473
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:58,960
I just need you to tell me...
474
00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:02,920
..have I fucked it?
475
00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:10,680
'Cause I'd rather put Alice in care
than lose you.
476
00:23:16,120 --> 00:23:17,600
No-one would take Alice.
477
00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:19,960
(CHUCKLES)
478
00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:27,000
Leish caught me red-handed.
479
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:28,280
Shit.
480
00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:30,800
She got...got a hell of a shock.
481
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:36,040
Don't worry she didn't see you.
No, I wasn't thinking that.
482
00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:37,440
You fucking were.
Yeah, I know. I was.
483
00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:38,520
Oh, God. Sorry.
484
00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:41,640
Anyway, worked out pretty well.
485
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:42,800
How?!
486
00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:46,320
Well, I told her that, um...
487
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:51,560
..I was thinking about her the whole
time and that I missed her and...
488
00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:56,000
I don't know if it was out of
489
00:23:56,000 --> 00:24:00,080
lust or pity
or just plain confusion, but...
490
00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:03,480
..she hasn't fucked me like that
in years.
491
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:09,600
That's pretty beautiful.
492
00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:11,520
Yeah. Yeah, it was.
493
00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:24,960
I love you, mate.
494
00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:28,920
Yeah, yeah. I love you too.
495
00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:34,720
You do look pretty handsome
when you come.
496
00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:36,760
Do I?
497
00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:39,080
Nuh.
498
00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:41,720
Not even a little bit. (CHUCKLES)
499
00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:43,560
(CHUCKLES)
500
00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:48,000
I closed my eyes when you came.
Ho!
501
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:50,120
You didn't even see it.
502
00:24:50,120 --> 00:24:53,960
It would've made your world shake.
There I was going back and...
503
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:56,960
(CONTINUE CHATTING INDISTINCTLY)
504
00:24:56,960 --> 00:25:00,880
(GENTLE MUSIC)
505
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:13,960
# Ooh...
506
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:26,200
# Only you
507
00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:40,160
# Only you... #
508
00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:43,600
Captions by Red Bee Media
(c) SBS Australia 2023
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