Original subtitles

♪♪

Dionne Warwick: ♪ love ♪

♪ love, exciting and new ♪

♪ come aboard ♪

♪ we're expecting you ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ love is life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ let it flow ♪

♪ it floats back to you ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making another run ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ promises something for everyone ♪

♪ set a course for adventure ♪

♪ your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ love won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ it's an open smile ♪

♪ on a friendly shore ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making another run ♪

♪ welcome aboard ♪

♪ it's love ♪

♪ welcome aboard ♪

♪ it's love ♪

♪♪

My Stepmother, Myself

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Horn blows ]

[ Indistinct conversations continue ]

♪♪

Almost Roommates

Cornerback sneak

I thought Emily was gonna be joining us for this cruise.

No, she's staying in Fresno to work on our wedding plans.

Vicki, I'm sorry you couldn't come with me

to meet Emily's relatives.

Oh, you know how hard it is for me to get away, dad.

I mean, I had to finish the ship's newsletter.

And somebody had to feed your goldfish,

or they'd be belly up by now.

Well, you would've loved the family.

We really hit it off, except for uncle Alvin.

He's a little strange.

He wears his underwear outside of his pants.

Sounds like a lot of fun. Sorry I missed it.

I had an aunt once who thought

she was seeing visions in her living room.

She never quite understood what television was.

[ Chuckles ]

Swimming pool, a gym, a casino.

And they pay you to work here?

I'm the featured performer here.

As soon as we get beyond that 3-mile limit,

I'm the star.

Well, I'm glad you invited me along.

And I can't wait to see your suite.

[ High-pitched voice ] Ooh!

Oh, oh, and I want you to speak to that couple

in, uh, 244 on aloha deck.

They're complaining they don't have a bathtub.

Well, what am -- what am I gonna say?

I mean -- I mean, nobody on that deck has a bathtub.

Maybe that's what you should say.

Oh, yeah. Right.

You know, gopher, I can do this job.

I can do this job.

Here I am. Let the good times roll.

Spencer, you are an assistant cruise director

on this ship.

You are supposed to be wearing your uniform.

You mean now?

I thought that was for official things like parties.

Spencer, boarding is an official function,

along with everything else.

You mean, I have to wear the uniform all the time?

No, you can take it off when you shower.

You would know this, Spencer,

if you read the employees handbook.

[ Sighs ]

Go to your room, Spencer.

Man's got a real chip on his shoulder.

The man is your boss.

Like I said, some people look good

with chips on their shoulders.

♪♪

I saw him with, uh, b.B. King.

-No kidding? -That's right.

"Hatchet man" hatcher!

You know me?

Oh, you know him? How?

I followed your career for a year.

-All-American in college... -Yeah?

First round draft pick, rookie of the year.

Ooh.

Whatever happened to you?

Two operations on my knee, separated shoulder,

broken wrist.

I spend more time in the hospital

than I do on the playing field.

Now I'm fighting for my job.

Oh, you're afraid they're gonna cut you from the team, huh?

Well, Amanda dailey's on the cruise.

She's the new owner of the friars.

I, uh, I have to convince her I can still play.

Well, how you gonna do that?

Romance, wine, dine, a little dancing under the stars.

But I don't want her to know who I am

until I have her where I want her.

That's the stupidest idea I ever heard.

I didn't think she'd believe I was her long lost brother.

You're right. First idea's looking better.

And this is Emily's sister and brother-in-law,

jan and John Remington.

They own a vineyard up north.

Oh, wait a minute. The hudstons own the vineyard.

The remingtons are in the sporting goods...

I think.

Anyway, one of them is gonna supply all the wine

for the wedding reception.

I just hope it's the one that owns the vineyard.

That's nice, dad.

Listen, since Emily isn't along this cruise,

why don't we spend tomorrow in mazatlán together?

You mean you wanna spend the whole day with your father?

Yeah, it'll be fun, just the two of us like old times.

-I think that's a great idea. -Yeah. Oh, I know.

Listen, why don't we go to Felipe's by the sea?

We haven't been there in ages.

[ Sighs ] Well, I was there a week ago with Emily.

You took Emily to our restaurant?

Now, Vicki, it is a public place.

Other people do eat there, you know? [ Chuckles ]

Well, maybe we could go to the Plaza and go shopping.

You didn't take her there, did you?

No. It's a good idea.

Consider it a date.

[ Laughs ] Now, this is my favorite one.

All of Emily's relatives with all their pets.

Who owns the sheepdog?

Oh, that's not a sheepdog.

That's uncle Alvin.

Look at the underwear.

♪♪

Oh, excuse me. I don't mean to be rude.

But you seem to have the wrong idea here.

Oh?

Yes, most people take a cruise to get away from it all.

You seem to have brought it all with you.

[ Chuckles ]

This is the only place I could find to get away from the press

since I started my new job.

I own the friars.

You own a religious order?

[ Chuckles ] No, a football team in San Jose.

Oh, those friars, yes.

I inherited it from my grandfather,

and now I have to learn it from the ground up.

-I'm Amanda dailey. -John Jackson.

Must be great to own the team.

They don't play your rules,

you can take your ball and go home.

[ Chuckles ] I'll remember that.

I'll let you get back to work

if you'll consider having dinner with me tonight?

All right.

Maybe you can explain what a y out pass pattern is.

Oh, I wouldn't know that.

Bowling is my game. I'll see you later.

C-414.

I think we're getting warmer.

I think it's the heat from the engine room.

C-416.

[ Sighs ]

This is it, our own romantic hideaway.

[ Chuckles ]

What do you want?

This ain't no lover's Lane.

Ah, um, obviously, I have the wrong cabin.

You my new roommate?

I had to get rid of the other one.

Uh, uh, you did, you did?

Yeah.

He tried to bring a woman into the cabin.

Ah, um, thanks for seeing me off, mom.

This is your mother?

Um, yeah, yeah, plastic surgery.

-Looks great, doesn't she? -Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Well, uh, come on, mom. I wanna get you ashore.

Oh, yeah.

-Phew. -What are you doing?

You know that man is in our suite.

-You should tell him to leave. -You're right.

You're right. We should be in there,

and he should be out here.

I'll tell him. You wait here.

If I lose control, I don't know who I'll hit.

[ Imitates punching sounds ] Ahh.

[ Blade scraping ]

-Now, look, I think -- -people usually knock.

I didn't? I'm sure that I did.

You didn't.

I'm sorry.

It'll never happen again.

Look, I'm Spencer.

I'm one of the performers on the ship.

And, um, do you do a knife-throwing act?

I'm a cook.

And there's nothing worse than a dull knife.

Don't I know it.

-Um, look here, um, um... -Bubba.

Right, right. Original name.

Um, there's been, uh, a mistake.

See, um, uh, I'm supposed to have a cabin of my own.

I'm a ship's officer.

What's the matter?

You don't wanna room with bubba?

Um, it's not that I don't want to, okay?

Um, it's that I'm not allowed, all right?

Um, um, see, it's the law of the sea that, uh,

ship's officers have to have their own cabins, you see?

And we wouldn't wanna mess with the law of the sea,

would we, you know? Um, I think, uh, I --

uh, what's that? [ Imitates P.A. bell ]

Uh, that's -- that's for me.

That means that they want me to -- I gotta, uh...

[ Squeaks ]

♪♪

Oh, John. [ Chuckles ]

And thank you, but it'll spoil my appetite.

Oh, won't matter. You've already missed dinner.

What time is it?

9:00.

Maybe your team could chip in and buy you a watch.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

I just got so involved in trying to make these personnel changes.

You don't wanna do that on an empty stomach.

I know a place where we can get a little late-night snack

and then maybe do some dancing.

That sounds great. I could really use a break.

You know, I just found out that a lot of these players

sneak out after curfew?

No, really?

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Hi, Judy, gopher. Been looking all over for you.

Spencer, where have you been all day?

You were supposed to be at a staff meeting.

Oh, um, I didn't know there was one.

Spencer, there is one every day.

You guys have that much to talk about?

That is where we get our work assignments.

I don't understand. What work?

Basically, I came on board to perform.

Basically you came on board to perform

as an assistant cruise director.

That is a full-time job.

Entertaining is only part of it.

And you are still not in uniform.

Uh, I couldn't change. You gave me the wrong cabin.

I'm supposed to have a private one.

No, you're not. You're not a ship's officer.

Oh, um, what am I gonna do about Pearl?

I can't have my girl bunking with me and bubba.

You brought a girl onboard?

Yeah, you should see her. She's a real knockout --

Spencer!

Wait, let me see if I can squeeze her in

with one of the mermaids.

Thanks, Ms. McCoy.

I don't get it. If I'm not a ship's officer,

then why do I have to wear a uniform?

Spencer, come to my office.

We are going to read

the employees handbook together.

[ Imitates coins clattering ]

♪♪

[ Rock music playing ]

[ Song ends ]

[ Laughter and applause ]

Oh, I could go and freshen up.

Thank you. I'll be right back.

[ Laughs ]

Oh, god.

I have felt better after a game against the raiders.

I don't believe this. Your plan is actually working.

-I'm jealous. -Why?

I've never had that much success lying to a woman.

Well, I guess I have a face you can trust. [ Chuckles ]

Now, if my knees, ribs, and shoulders hold together,

I'll be fine.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the international lounge proudly presents the mermaids.

[ Applause ]

[ Disco music playing ]

♪ I've got a chip on my shoulder ♪

♪ with your name on it ♪

All: ♪ knock it off ♪

♪ so don't you stand there foolin' ♪

♪ if you don't want it ♪

♪ knock it off ♪

♪ I'd say you're cheating on a lover ♪

♪ or you are a liar ♪

♪♪

♪ so don't you push too hard ♪

All: ♪ you're playing with fire ♪

♪ you can make your move ♪

♪ step across the line ♪

♪ touch me one more time ♪

♪ come on near me ♪

♪ I wanna take you on ♪

♪ I know I can't lose ♪

♪ and I'm the girl for you ♪

♪ if you just have me ♪

[ Spencer imitates siren wailing ]

Don't look.

Oh, Spencer. Please don't ever do that again.

-You scared me half to death. -I'm sorry, Vicki,

but it's an emergency, and I need your help.

You sing, right?

-Yes. -Great.

You're booked in the lounge show tomorrow night. See you.

Spencer, wait a minute. What are you talking about?

Oh, Judy said the, uh, scheduled performer canceled out.

She got into a shouting match with Mac the Blackjack dealer

and lost her voice, so you're in.

Spencer, that's wonderful, but I can't.

Please, Vicki. I need to score some points here.

I promised Judy I'd find a singer.

-I can't. -Why?

Because my father has this policy.

No relatives are allowed to perform in the lounge.

No problem. I'll have a little talk with him,

and I'll straighten it out.

Spencer, wait.

[ Shoes squeak ]

Listen, please.

Don't hassle my father right now.

We're spending the day alone together tomorrow,

and I want everything to be perfect.

It may never happen again.

Okay. I understand.

-Thanks. -All right.

-Ace, ace, do you sing? -You already asked me.

[ Growls ]

♪ Make your move ♪

♪ make your move ♪

♪ just across the line ♪

♪ just across the line ♪

♪ one more time ♪

♪ get near me ♪

♪ I wanna take you on ♪

♪ I know I can't lose ♪

♪ I'll be lovin' you ♪

♪ if you just ♪

♪♪

♪ get near me ♪

[ Song ends, applause ]

♪♪

Good morning, and welcome to mazatlán.

We hope you enjoy your day.

When we get to the Plaza,

let's find that man who does the charcoal portraits,

and we'll get one done of just the two of us.

-Great. -Surprise!

-[ Gasps ] -Oh!

-Mwah. -Oh! [ Laughs ]

I thought you were staying in Fresno.

Oh, uncle Alvin was starting to get to me,

so I figured I could finish the wedding plans right here.

Besides, I missed...

This.

Your timing was perfect.

Another minute, Vicki and I would've been off the ship,

right, ?

Yes, another 30 seconds, and we would've missed you completely.

This is wonderful.

Now the three of us can spend the day together.

Uh, why don't the two of you go ahead and go without me?

I don't wanna get in the way.

No, nonsense. No, no, Vicki.

Oh, merrill, why don't we show Vicki

that cute little restaurant we discovered last week?

Felipe's by the sea.

♪♪

-Hi, honey, sorry I'm late. You having fun?

Spencer, sleeping on the floor of the dancer's cabin is not my idea of fun

I rolled back and forth all night

how about me?

I had to share a cabin with bubba. He walked in his sleep

on my face

where have you been all morning?

I had a whole bunch of important stuff I had to take care of

want a newsletter? Here

listen Pearl, I realize this cruise didn't turn out the way I planned but

let's try to make the best of it okay?

I got some time off tonight, we'll got to Mazatlan.

Okay

uh, Spencer?

Gopher said to tell you that the chairs for the bingo game hadn't been set up yet

-right! -Right.

You wouldn't want to help me with those chairs would ya?

There's a free bingo card in it for ya.

Right. Pick you up at six.

-Hi. -Well, if it isn't my tireless dance partner

oh, I haven't danced that much in a long time. I am so sore.

Really? I feel great.

I wanted to thank you for taking my mind off business for awhile.

Hey, how about a trip to the bar.

Oh, I'd love to but I can't. Have to go over our player's roster

must make those cuts.

Well, just don't overlook the value of experience.

Guys like Kareem and Pete Rose, the older the better.

I thought you didn't know anything about sports.

You piqued my interest.

(Laughing) Listen, tomorrow when we dock at puerto vallarta

why don't I take some time off? We'll go in and paint the town red.

I'll get my brushes ready.

(Laughing) All right.

-Evening, Vicki. -Hi.

Hey, I heard Emily flew down,

spent the day with you and your dad, huh?

Oh, it was great, ace.

We went to this quaint little restaurant.

We found a table for two.

But they were lucky enough to find a chair

they could stick in the aisle for me.

Course I was in the busboy's way all the time.

You know, it took me an hour to get the ranchero sauce

off the back of my neck?

Oh, I'm surprised you didn't have a good time.

Emily's a lot of fun.

Yeah, she's a real blast.

You know she bought me a sweater in the market?

-Oh, that's nice. -Gave me a rash.

[ Laughs ] Good evening, ace, Vicki.

Oh, Vicki. You cleaned up good, sweetheart.

-Hello, ace. -How are you?

Oh, Vicki, listen.

Since your father's gonna be tied up on the boat tomorrow,

I thought that you and I could go into puerto vallarta,

just us girls, you know?

I don't think so. I'm all shopped out.

All right. We'll stay here, just bum around the boat.

No, thanks. I'm not into bumming.

Vicki, did you tell ace what Emily bought you?

Yes, as a matter of fact,

I was going to make it the lead story in the ship's newspaper.

Sorry about that, Emily.

Well, it was a long day today.

We all get a little crabby when we're tired.

I've never seen you crabby.

And I've never seen you tired.

Now, isn't this more like it?

Yeah. I had fun tonight at mazatlán.

And the night is still young.

But, uh, what if bubba should come in?

Oh, he's in the galley tenderizing beef for tomorrow.

I think he uses his bare hands.

[ Scoffs ]

[ Door rattles ]

[ Pounding on door ]

Who's in there?!

Open this door!

-Spencer, is this you? -Bubba?

Yeah! Open this door, man.

-Ah, you can't come in. -What?!

It's, uh, too dangerous!

There's a vicious, uh... [ Snarling ]

There's a dog in here!

[ Continues snarling ] Aah!

Hey, I ain't afraid of no dog.

Open this door. Let me in. I'll filet that hound.

Uh, no, bubba, save yourself!

[ Continues snarling ] Aah!

Where is that mutt?!

Uh, uh, I trapped him in the bathroom.

Listen.

[ Imitating dog barking in distance ]

What is your mother doing here?

Uh, the dog chased her in here. I was trying to save her.

Oh, I like a guy who tries to protect his mother.

Yeah, uh, look here.

I'm going to, uh, take her to the infirmary.

I-I think she's in shock.

Um, you make sure that dog doesn't get out, all right?

Okay.

Um, I'll send someone back to help.

[ Resumes imitating dog barking in distance ]

[ Snarls ]

Man on TV: This is personnel tape number four,

defensive backfield, player number 48,

cornerback John "hatchet man" hatchet.

God, don't any of these men have necks?

10-year journeyman acquired by the friars two seasons ago,

he saw limited action due to numerous injuries.

Wait a minute.

He tore knee ligaments mid-season

while attempting a spiral high five.

Now, when asked about a possible early retirement...

No, I can't retire.

I don't wanna disappoint

all those female season ticket holders. [ Chuckles ]

[ Chuckles ]

Hatchet man, the game has just begun.

♪♪

Hope you enjoyed your stay in mazatlán.

Our next stop is puerto vallarta.

You know, my cousin Madeline

offered to bake the wedding cake.

You should've seen the one

she made for our company party last year.

It was a big angel food truck, and the back opened up,

and you could see the filling inside. Right?

Oh, sorry. I was thinking about Vicki's little scene at dinner.

Oh, merrill.

[ Sighs heavily ]

You know, if it would make you feel better,

why don't you go and have a little talk with her?

[ Knock on door ]

Oh, maybe that's her now.

Good evening, sir, Mrs. Haywood.

Yes, what is it, Spencer?

Vicki asked me to give you this, sir.

[ Envelope rustles ]

When did she give you this?

Just before she got off the ship, sir.

Vicki left the ship? But, merrill, we've sailed.

"Dear dad, I'm taking off for a while.

"Have a nice cruise and a nice wedding

"if I don't make it back by then.

Sincerely, your daughter Vicki."

What a bummer.

Does that mean her cabin's available?

Why would she do something like that?

Just a guess, sir, but I think she could be a little teed off,

'cause you won't let her sing in the lounge show.

-What? -Uh, just a guess. Good night.

It's me.

I don't think Vicki likes me around.

♪♪

Ow! Watch where you're steppin'.

Spencer, why aren't you in your cabin?

I thought I'd stay out of bubba's way for a while.

He's gonna be real upset

when he finds out he ruined his door for nothin'.

Spencer, you gotta start taking this job more seriously.

We will.

I promise, gopher. I'm gonna be the best

assistant cruise director you've ever seen.

I'm even gonna find a singer for Judy.

That'd be a help.

That, and wearing your uniform.

Well, I've got it right here.

[ Horn blows ]

♪♪

All ready to take on puerto vallarta?

Well, I thought we'd have some breakfast first.

Oh, no, no, no time for that. I have our tour all mapped out.

Now do you know there's an aztec temple here

that's over 600 years old with 368 steps to the top?

368 steps? [ Laughs ]

I don't suppose they had escalators in those days.

[ Laughs ] Oh, John, you're so crazy.

And look, there's a 10-mile stretch of river

that goes right through the jungle.

And we can take a canoe.

Well, now, that doesn't sound too bad.

No, the best part is we can row ourselves.

Could we rent a motor?

Oh, no. The exercise would do us good.

I wanna have a clear head when I get back.

Gonna make the final cuts on my players roster.

Amanda, I think that there's something

that I should tell you.

Yes?

I'm really...

I am really...

I'm really a world-class canoer,

and I should do all the paddling.

Great.

Well, what'd you find out?

Nothing. I checked with the American consul in mazatlán,

then the chief of police.

I even called Felipe's restaurant.

They all said they'll keep an eye out for her.

I'll fly back to mazatlán. I'll find her myself.

Hi.

Vicki?

Come back here.

What?

Where have you been?

Didn't you get my note?

Yes, but that hardly explains things.

We've been up all night on the phone,

trying to find out what happened to you.

Oh, well, you shouldn't have worried.

See, I met these four college guys at a party in mazatlán,

and they drove me down here in their Van.

I'm surprised you noticed I was gone.

Look, just because you're 19 years old,

it doesn't give you the right

to pick up and leave the ship anytime you want to.

Dad, listen, can we talk about this later?

I'd really like to take a nap. Emily.

Excuse me, Emily.

My daughter and I should have a little talk.

Merrill...

Let me talk to her.

After all, I seem to be the issue here.

Pearl... [ sighs heavily ]

Don't ever referee a ping pong tournament on the ship.

I've heard language John mcenroe wouldn't use.

What are we gonna do now?

Take your mother back to the cabin so you can,

uh, practice your dog calls for bubba again?

Aw, that wasn't my fault.

Anyway, I thought we'd go into puerto vallarta together.

I've got three whole hours off.

-[ Gasps ] Three whole hours? -Yeah.

The crew of Noah's ark had more shore leave.

Come on, Pearl.

We did have fun in mazatlán, didn't we?

Well --

all right. Great.

Be back to pick you up in a couple of hours

after I call the square dance.

[ Grunts, imitates harmonica playing ]

[ Deep voice ] ♪ bring your partner right around ♪

[ Resumes imitating harmonica ]

[ Curtain rings swoosh ]

[ Knock on door ]

-Oh, it's you. -Mind if I come in?

Well, I was going to take a nap.

But I guess it can wait.

[ Door squeaks ]

I'd like to talk.

I think it would really help if we cleared the air

about a few things.

Listen, if it's about the sweater, I'll wear it, okay?

Forget the sweater. Let's get to the bottom line.

I love your father very much,

and we're going to get married.

Period.

And we'd like you to be happy about that.

But if you can't,

you're at least going to have to accept it.

I know that.

Then it's time you stopped acting like a twit.

All right. Now, maybe I came on too strong with you.

Maybe I tried too hard to make you like me

because I like you.

And I want us to be a family.

It's not that easy.

No, you're right, and it's gonna take time.

But meanwhile, your father

is caught in the middle of all this.

You may think that i'm the wicked witch of the west.

But I know that you love your father.

So you can support him in this, make him happy.

Or you can keep pouting and make family dinners

a real drag for all of us.

Well, I guess that's all that I have to say.

So you can take your little nap now.

[ Door closes ]

♪♪

Oh, oh. [ Laughs ]

Oh, I think the feeling's coming back to my knees.

I can almost feel where the cartilage used to be.

You climbed all 368 steps to that aztec temple?

Oh, this will all be worth it if I can keep my job.

So, what's your next move?

Are you gonna tell her who you are?

Or do you go to training camp with a bag over your head?

Timing, my man, timing.

-Hello. -Hello.

I'll take over.

Wow. Oh, that feels good.

Ah, well, I guess you don't need my help.

[ Door closes ]

I hope our little tour didn't do you in.

I noticed you limping.

Just a knee injury acting up.

Hmm. Was that the one from the Dallas game of '79

or the Pittsburgh game of '84?

Game's up, hatchet man.

You know, if you hadn't been so deceitful,

I wouldn't have run you all over puerto vallarta.

You knew.

So, what was this, John?

"I'll romance the new lady owner

so I can have a good laugh with the team" type thing?

No, no, it was more like "I'll romance the new lady owner

so I can -- I can stay with the team" type of thing.

Well, since you seem to be so concerned about your contract

for next year...

-[ Sighs ] -You can have it.

[ Door closes ]

Spencer: Pearl, wait.

Pearl, don't be angry with me, okay?

Why should I be angry?

Just because you took me into puerto vallarta

and paid no attention to me?

Wait. How can you say that?

I took you to every nightclub in town.

You took me to every clip joint in town.

You know, nightclubs don't open in the afternoon.

That's why they're called nightclubs.

Well, at least you got to see places most people --

most tourists never get to see.

Spencer, I saw places

most vice cops don't get to see.

It's business, Pearl.

I was trying to find a singer for Judy.

Those joints only have strippers in them.

I thought some of them would start singing.

-[ Sighs ] -Look, try to understand.

If I'd found a singer,

it would've made a big impression on gopher.

He'd see I could be a good assistant cruise director.

I hope you made a good impression on him

'cause you're making a lousy impression on me.

We hope you enjoyed your stay in puerto vallarta.

Our next stop is the port of Los Angeles.

[ Knock on door ]

Yes?

[ Door closes ]

Dad?

Sir?

Vicki.

I just wanted to apologize.

I've been very rude to you and Emily the past few days,

and I'm sorry.

Thank you for saying that.

It's just that I see how happy you are with Emily,

and...

I was just afraid of...

Afraid of what?

Of losing me?

[ Sighs ]

Yeah.

Sounds pretty selfish, doesn't it?

No.

I can understand how you might think that.

You can?

Well, then can you explain it to me?

Why would something that makes you so happy make me so sad?

Sweetheart...

Parents are used to seeing changes in their children,

their first day in school, their first step,

their first date.

And as much as we wanna keep our children

4 years old forever,

we know that someday they're gonna grow up and leave home.

I guess that's kind of hard, isn't it?

Mm-hmm.

Now, the hardest part is for

the children to accept their parents

for the changes in their lives.

They want us to be predictable.

You know, you're right.

I always thought of you as...

Predictable.

[ Chuckles ]

I mean...

[ Sighs ]

Well, it never occurred to me

that you'd be getting married again.

Well, it never occurred to me either. [ Chuckles ]

Oh, Vicki, I'll always love you.

And I'll always be there for you.

I wish we'd had this conversation two weeks ago.

So do I.

It's all my fault.

I was so swept away by Emily,

I didn't stop to think about how all this was affecting you.

I'm really sorry.

I'll be okay.

Maybe it'll be better once I get to know Emily.

I know it will be.

And just so you know,

I haven't forgotten how to be your father.

Who were those four college boys in mazatlán?

[ Chuckles ]

Well, actually,

it was a minister and his wife from Indiana,

and they gave me a lift in their station wagon.

[ Laughs ]

Now, that's my girl.

[ Both laugh ]

♪♪

[ Knock on door ]

Ow.

[ Groans ]

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your knee.

That's okay.

Ow.

[ Door closes ]

This one -- this one pops right back in.

Oh.

Look, I've got something I'd like to say.

Now, please, don't beg.

I am not here to beg.

I'm here to apologize.

I've always thought I could charm my way into anything.

Now I know why they call football a boy's game --

'cause of guys like me who never grew up.

I wanted so desperately to stay in the game,

I lost track of everything else,

including other people's feelings.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I wasn't straight with you.

[ Door closes ]

In your face! The kid is hot! Yeah!

Ace, modesty.

Oh, give me a break. She won the last seven games.

That's enough for me. Thank you for the match.

Oh, sure.

Quit just when I've found my rhythm, huh?

Emily? Do you have a minute?

I've got a few things I'd like to say.

That's fair enough.

I guess I did all the talking the last time.

I've been giving a lot of thought to what you said.

And I've decided that if anybody's gonna marry my father,

I'm glad it's gonna be you.

Well, thank you.

Under the circumstances, that's a hearty endorsement.

Well, I admit, it took me a while to get used to the idea.

That's all right.

I didn't expect cartwheels.

We'll just take it nice and easy,

and hopefully we'll become great friends.

I'd like that.

By the way, when am I gonna hear you sing in the lounge?

When chickens wear mukluks.

My father's got this longstanding rule.

So I can handle your father.

You just tell me when you're ready.

Are you serious? Uh, now! I could sing tonight!

But you're never gonna get my father to budge on this one.

We'll see.

Just make sure you've got something to wear tonight.

Is this the sweater that I bought you?

Yeah.

Good grief, what was I thinking?

You could get a rash from a thing like that.

♪♪

[ Laughter ]

So then the presidential motorcade

pulls into the parking lot.

[ Imitates tires squealing ]

[ Imitates vehicles vrooming ]

[ Imitates tires squealing ]

[ Imitates knocking on window ]

[ Muffled voice ] Mr. President?

[ Imitates knocking on window ]

[ Muffled voice ] Mr. President?

[ Imitates window whirring ]

I'm real sorry, sir. But your motorcade's

completely screwed up the valet parking lot.

[ As Ronald Reagan ] Well, here we go again.

[ Normal voice ] Thank you very much! Good night!

[ Applause ]

♪♪

Sorry I'm late. Occupational hazard --

everybody wants to have a picture taken

with the captain.

See, if you weren't such a handsome dog,

they would leave you alone.

[ Chuckles ]

Where's Vicki?

She'll join us in a few minutes.

You know, merrill, I was wondering,

why haven't you ever let Vicki sing here in the lounge?

Well, I just don't think it's a good idea

to have a family member perform.

Well, that never stopped ozzie and Harriet

or the osmonds or the partridge family.

I know we have precedence. But, uh,

I don't want her walk out there and feel embarrassed.

Why? Isn't she any good?

Oh, I think she's very good.

But I'm her father.

Well, the only way you're ever gonna find out if you're right

is to let her sing. Let the audience decide.

Come on, merrill.

Give her a chance.

Okay.

If it comes up again, I'll let her sing.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the pacific Princess is proud to present one of its own family --

miss Vicki stubing.

[ Applause ]

[ Playing ballad tempo ]

♪ I can't remember when you weren't there ♪

♪ when I didn't care ♪

♪ for anyone but you ♪

♪ I swear ♪

♪ we've been through everything there is ♪

♪ can't imagine anything we've missed ♪

♪ can't imagine anything ♪

♪ the two of us can't do ♪

♪ through the years ♪

♪ you never let me down ♪

♪ you've turned my life around ♪

♪ the sweetest days I've found ♪

♪ I've found with you ♪

♪ through the years ♪

♪ I've never been afraid ♪

♪ I love the life we've made ♪

♪ and I'm so glad I stayed ♪

♪ right here with you ♪

♪ through the years ♪

♪ through the years ♪

♪ when everything went wrong ♪

♪ together we were strong ♪

♪ I know that I belong right here with you ♪

♪ through the years ♪

♪ I never had a doubt ♪

♪ we'd always work things out ♪

♪ I've learned what life's about ♪

♪ by loving you ♪

♪ through the years ♪

[ Song ends, applause ]

That's my daughter!

Thank you.

That was a very pretty lady.

Not like hatchet man to turn down such an opportunity.

It is incredible, isn't it?

[ Chuckles ]

Look, I just want you to know

I'm not cutting you from the team

because of what you did. It's strictly business.

I have a lot of talent coming up,

and I need to make room for them.

Hey, I understand. I had my shot.

After 10 years, it'll be nice to have my sundays back,

do a little fishing, put football behind me.

That's too bad.

I was hoping that you'd consider coaching

the defensive secondary.

Coaching? Me?

Why not?

Be a shame to waste 10 years' experience.

You're serious?

I'll see you at training camp.

-Right. -[ Chuckles ]

Hey, why -- why don't I buy you a drink?

-Ah. -It'd be strictly business.

I'd -- I'd write it off and everything.

You know, even if we did have a relationship,

it wouldn't make any difference.

You don't do your job, you're out on your clipboard.

I wouldn't expect anything less.

Oh.

[ Sighs ]

-Aah! -You can't come in.

Uh, look, bubba,

if you're still angry about that trick with the dog,

I apologize, okay?

Forget it.

Well -- well, then, can I come in?

I'm dead tired.

I can't let you come in.

I've got company.

You got, uh, company?

Yeah. Something wrong with that?

Oh, no, no, no, not at all.

It's cool, brother. It's cool.

Pearl, is that you?!

Okay, now that you know, I've got your mother in there.

She isn't your mother, is she?

No, uh, not really.

Yeah, I didn't think so.

You don't look nothing like her.

[ Sighs ]

[ Imitating sirens wailing ]

Abandon ship. This is not a drill. Repeat.

[ Continues imitating siren ]

[ People murmuring ]

♪♪

Well, we hope to see you again very soon.

Well, we hope you'll see us again soon, too,

in the super bowl.

And, gopher, thanks for everything.

If you're ever in town and you need tickets for the game,

give me a call. I have connections with the owner.

Aha. [ Laughs ]

-Bye-bye. -So long.

Spencer, you don't need to drive me home.

Bubba and I are going to the opera.

Pearl and bubba.

Mnh-mnh-mnh. Pearl and bubba.

Interesting couple.

Pearl got just what she was looking for --

a man with a cabin of his own.

Spencer, staff meeting tomorrow morning.

I'll be there.

I've got some new ideas on the way this ship is run.

Oh, that would be a nice change,

hearing your ideas before you try 'em out.

And by the way, you will not be rooming with bubba next cruise.

Terrific. Who?

You'll be rooming with Chang, the karate instructor.

[ Stifles laugh ]

Not another weirdo.

Chang is perfectly normal.

But if he asks to break a brick over your head,

I'd go with it. [ Snorts ]

[ Makes crashing sound ]

-Oh, yeah. -Terrific.

Oh.

You're gonna have to have lunch without us, merrill.

We are doing some serious shopping today.

Fine. Well, Vicki, this is for you.

Get yourself something really nice.

Thanks, dad. Oh, I know the perfect place

there's this shop called the cosmic shop,

and they have these fabulous iridescent parachute pants.

-It's fabulous. -Really?

You know what I wanna find?

-Red, washable silk jumpsuit. -Washable?

Excuse me, but I seem to be confused.

Uh, do you plan on wearing this for the wedding?

No, no. We're gonna shop for the wedding tomorrow.

Today is just for fun.

Bye, dad. Thanks for the money.

I have a feeling this is just the beginning.

♪♪

♪♪