Original subtitles

♪♪

Dionne Warwick: ♪ love ♪

♪ love, exciting and new ♪

♪ come aboard ♪

♪ we're expecting you ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ love is life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ let it flow ♪

♪ it floats back to you ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making another run ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ promises something for everyone ♪

♪ set a course for adventure ♪

♪ your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ love won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ it's an open smile ♪

♪ on a friendly shore ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making another run ♪

♪ welcome aboard ♪

♪ it's love ♪

♪ welcome aboard ♪

♪ it's love ♪

♪♪

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Uh, excuse me. I'm Kirby Heywood.

I hate to bother you, but I've just lost my mother.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I lost my grandmother a couple of years ago,

so I know what you're going through.

No, I think what he means is he just can't find her.

Oh! Oh.

Kirby, I hope she didn't get on the wrong ship.

Honey, the only other ship in port is a tuna boat.

I'm sure she'll find us before we sail.

Look -- look. Just to be safe,

I'm gonna go back down and look.

You wait here until, uh, in case she shows up, okay?

Don't worry, miss. We've never lost a passenger yet.

Well, there was that time in mazatlán, sir.

We never lost a passenger.

Right. Excuse me.

Not a paying passenger.

We'd like to welcome you aboard the pacific Princess.

We're very pleased that you decided to take our guided tour.

Look. I know you've got a terrific speech all prepared,

but I wanna go to my cabin. I had prune juice for breakfast.

Oh, oh.

No problem. We're in aloha 305 to 310.

We just take the elevator down five decks.

Well, if you do that, you'll end up in the engine room.

-I suggest two decks up. -Thank you, sir.

Um, this is my first cruise.

I-I guess I'm a little nervous.

Ah, well, please, call me Isaac,

and I'm sure you'll do all right.

I hope so.

I'm Donna Louise belford.

Ah. Well, Donna, welcome aboard.

And, uh, ladies,

if there's anything I can do to make your trip

more comfortable, please, uh, just call on me.

You could let us go to our cabins

before the cruise is over.

Yes, ma'am. [ Chuckles ]

This way, ladies.

Everyone is so nice, aren't they, Emma?

Grow up, Mildred. They're looking for tips.

Ladies, elevators are to your left.

Mr. Cobb.

Mr. Cobb.

Wait for me. There.

[ Thud ]

-Ah. -Oh, boy.

Hey. Looks like you could use a little bit of help here.

-Oh, thanks. -Porters, these three here.

Here. Here.

You, uh, you keep that for your trouble.

$50? Sir, I can't accept this.

Oh, sure, you can. Go on.

Keep it. There's plenty more of that.

We just won the tri-state lottery.

How about that? 8 million big ones, huh?

[ Laughs ] Where I used to be the greenkeeper at the club,

now I've got more relatives than an arabian prince.

Well, congratulations.

But, uh, sir, I can't accept this.

It's company policy.

Oh.

Oh, sorry.

You know, my hand used to cramp up like that

before I won the lottery.

Come on, Daryl. Let's unpack.

Afraid we're going to have to sail soon.

Perhaps we should call security to find your mother-in-law.

Oh, wait. There she is.

Thank you for the tour, zorba, and the tuna.

[ Speaks foreign language ]

Oh, Erin.

Mother, where have you been?

Kirby's been looking all over for you.

Oh, he's such a fretting Freddy. Listen.

I've been exploring, and I ran into an old friend.

Hello. I'm Emily Heywood.

And I'm captain stubing. Welcome aboard.

It's such a small world.

You know, I'm in the trucking business,

and my late husband, Leo, used to haul zorba's fish to Fresno.

Well, what do you know?

Do you like albacore?

Well, yes.

Oh!

Hold the ramp! I'm coming on!

Mother, do you realize you almost missed the boat?

[ Panting ]

Well, Kirby, I was here plenty of time, dear.

You're the one who's panting like a sheepdog.

Come on, Karen. Say bye to the captain.

Bye-bye.

Thank you again!

Oh, gopher, announce that we're sailing,

and have this filleted.

Hi. Welcome aboard.

[ Horn blows ]

♪♪

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Oh.

-Pretty, isn't it? -Uh-huh.

Hey, Virginia, I got a idea.

Why don't we send for the ship's photographer

and have him come down here and shoot some shots for us?

-All right. -Then I can have 'em blown up

and some extra copies made

and send 'em back to the fellows at the country club.

[ Chuckles ] Ooh, I would kill to see their face

when they see us here in the lap of luxury. [ Laughs ]

Daryl, I don't think it's nice to flaunt our money.

Now, why would you want to do that to your friends?

Well, I don't mean to the working people. No.

I mean to those big shots,

especially to that Stewart wayburn.

Well, is that really necessary?

You know what he did the other day?

He chewed out Emilio for getting a drink of water

from the member's dining room.

That's awful.

You know what he said when I told him he was wrong?

"My money makes me right."

These people couldn't have picked a better man

to write to for help.

What people?

Oh, farmers who are losing their land,

senior citizens who need operations,

children who are going hungry.

Virginia, you're putting a damper on my day.

Well, the fact is there's a lot of sorrow in the world today.

We should use our money to ease people's suffering.

You know, I've got a better idea.

Why don't we use our money to ease our suffering?

Then when we get back, we can work for humanity again.

You want somethin' from the bar?

[ Water splashes in pool ]

Here you go, mom.

There's a, uh, lecture on how to bargain in acapulco.

I just finished contract talks with the teamsters.

I know everything about bargaining.

Okay. Do you know...

Kirby says there's a bingo game at 3:00,

and the jackpot's $100.

Well, that's kind of boring.

Uh, sideward! Whoo.

I'm just concerned that you have a good time, mom.

This is the first time you've had a vacation since dad died.

Kirby thinks you should get out and meet some new people.

By people, you mean men. Ugh.

Listen. I want to take a break.

I'm wanna save my wrist for ping-pong.

Come on, you two.

Whoa, now. Have some fun, okay?

Well, Kirby did want to catch that lifeboat demonstration.

Well, sure. Kick up your heels, dear.

If I get bored, I'll let you know.

I'm coming out now.

-Well, farewell now. -Okay.

-Don't stay in the sun too long. -Okay. Bye-bye.

Have fun. You guys are great. I'll see you later.

[ Sighs ]

Well, hello again, Mrs. Heywood.

I see you've been enjoying the pool.

Oh, yeah. It's so -- so much fun.

It's not really designed for serious swimming, though.

Well, we have to balance the needs of many people.

Well, you've done a wonderful job.

You know, my Leo used to say,

"when the man at the top knows his beeswax,

the hive is happy and hummin'."

[ Chuckles ] Thank you. I appreciate that.

In fact, I'm on my way to the bridge

to check up on some of the drones.

The bridge?

Would you mind terribly if I just went along and took a peek?

Right now? No, not at all.

You think you'd really be interested?

Oh, sure. Listen.

I'll just change, and I'll meet you up there.

I'd love to see how it stacks up against the cab of a 18-Wheeler.

Isaac.

Isaac, you'll never believe what I found in my cabin.

-Basket of fruit. -Newlyweds.

-Ooh, that's not good. -I know.

There won't be enough nectarines to go around.

Isaac, this is serious.

All three of us are booked in the same cabin,

and I don't think the waverlys were expecting a roommate

on their honeymoon.

Okay, okay. Let me see what I can find out over here, okay?

Uh, Shirley, can I have the cabin availabilities?

Donna, I knocked on your door,

and a man answered, wearing silk pajamas and cheap Cologne.

What kind of a tour are you running?

Well, there's been a slight mix-up.

I'll be moving to another cabin.

I'm afraid not. We have a full house.

What am I gonna do?

Why don't you just move in with me?

-Oh, there you go. -Oh, no.

I don't want to inconvenience you.

There's no inconvenience. Emma can move in with Vera.

Not on your life. Vera snores.

All right, then Vera can move in with Marjorie.

She has her vaporizer going all night.

She'll never notice.

Ah, there. See? Things have a way of working out.

Ms. Belford.

My name is Brandon Cobb.

She can't talk now.

We've got 15 minutes to move everyone.

Otherwise, we miss our complimentary cocktails

in the lounge. [ Mutters ]

Virginia.

Hey.

[ Grunts ]

You know, I've been thinking I don't think

I'm gonna go back to that job at the country club.

Daryl, you're not serious.

Oh, I am. We don't need the money anymore.

And, well, 27 years

is a long time for a man to be raking out sand traps.

Oh, I think I've replaced my last divot.

Won't you miss the guys at the club?

Oh, I'll just join.

-Join the club? -Why, sure. Why not?

I can play gold whenever I want to,

and you can come visit me

without using the service entrance.

If we wanna go swimmin',

we don't have to get in the car to change. [ Chuckles ]

Oh, I don't know.

Well, I know. So let's have a celebration

if we can find some service around here.

Waitress.

Waitress! Waitress!

Daryl. Can't you see she's busy?

I got $20 that says she isn't.

Waitress!

♪♪

Well, that's the pacific Princess,

all 550 feet of her.

You sure we didn't miss anything?

Oh, I'm sure.

In fact, we've been to parts of this ship that I've never seen.

You know, my favorite part was the engine room --

man and machinery working in perfect Harmony.

Yeah. Well, I've enjoyed your company.

If you'll excuse me, I've got some work to do in my office.

I'll see you at dinner, then.

Dinner?

We will be having dinner tonight, won't we?

Oh, yeah. Yes. Of course.

The...captain's table.

The captain's table?

Oh, I didn't expect that we would be having dinner together.

I just assumed we'd be eating tonight.

Oh. [ Laughs ]

That's wonderful.

Then I won't have to be a third wheel

at Karen and Kirby's table.

Well, I'll see you then. Seating is at 7:30.

Terrific! That'll give me time to try shooting skeet.

Skeet aren't living things, are they?

No, no. [ Chuckles ]

They're -- they're made out of Clay.

Good. Then I won't mind blowing 'em away.

♪♪

A day in acapulco wouldn't be complete

without a trip to the quaint shopping district,

where eager-to-bargain shoppers hate to take "no" for an answer.

I think they're overreacting. [ Laughs ]

Donna, I think the slides are out of order.

Uh, don't worry. I'll take care of it.

[ Switch clicks ]

Now, why are we looking at slides of things

that we're going to be seeing tomorrow anyway?

Well, I suppose it's because we may not be

able to get to some of the more out-of-the-way places.

Why wouldn't we be able to?

I bet it's because they think we can't climb stairs

or walk a long way.

Oh. I can go 40 minutes at a time.

[ All speaking at once ]

Okay, ladies. Um, I think they're in order now.

What's the title of this show,

the acapulco you could've seen if you were 10 years younger?

You're absolutely right. The slide show's been a mistake.

But I'm sure they have some really fun activities

planned for you this evening.

Just let me check.

Uh, okay. The only thing scheduled

is a dance in the lounge.

All right. Let's go!

Come on. Let's boogie.

-Come on. -Okay. Okay.

[ Laughter ]

[ Piano playing light jazz ]

What's the matter? You're not getting seasick, are you?

No. It just tastes fishy.

Fishy? Fishy? Well, we'll see about that.

Waiter. Oh, waiter.

Waiter.

There's something wrong with my wife's dinner,

and I want it sent back immediately.

Honey, it's okay. I can eat it. It's --

no, no. It is not okay. Now, look.

I'm spending a lot of money on this ship,

and it seems to me that my wife

could order a fish dinner without it tasting fishy.

When I see your waiter, I'll tell him.

Hi. I'm Adam bricker, the ship's doctor.

Well, what are you doing dressed like a waiter anyway?

Going to my table.

You know, my husband Leo

used to make a sauce just like this for trout.

Made it taste just like pork chops.

[ Laughter ]

Do you like to cook, Ms. Heywood?

Oh, yes.

But Leo was really the Rembrandt of the kitchen.

I always find that a man who likes cooking is really

artistic and sensitive.

Oh, my father loves to cook.

Oh?

Well, I just dabble in it.

Oh, a man has to eat, you know?

Well, don't be modest, merrill.

Your Chinese new year's dinner was a feast.

Yes.

Well, a wok, some stir-fried vegetables.

Nothing to it.

Ha.

Had the lychee nuts imported from Shanghai.

Well, my, my, my, captain.

You're a man of many interests.

[ Chuckles ]

I'm surprised some woman hasn't snapped you up by now.

Well, I have had my chances.

But, uh, my obligations are to the ship,

to the sea, the maritime brotherhood.

Right. Oh, come on.

Even Jacques cousteau got married.

I mean, aren't you lonely sometimes?

Lonely?

Well...i have my crew and Vicki to keep me company.

Right, guys? Oh, yeah.

Right. You bet. Right.

♪♪

[ Disco music playing ]

This almost makes up for the slide show,

doesn't it, Mildred?

-It sure does. -[ Laughs ]

♪♪

Ms. Belford.

Oh, Mr. Cobb.

You remembered my name.

Yes. I'm very good with names.

Call me Brandon.

I'm Donna.

Look, Donna. It's awfully noisy in here.

-Why don't we -- -Donna, we need you.

Vera has either invented a new dance step,

or she's thrown her back out again.

[ Coins clattering, indistinct conversations ]

30 red, the winner.

Oh, boy. Look at this. Hey, will you...Let's go.

I've always been lucky on the wheel.

Hi, miss. How are you?

-Good evening. -I tell you what I'm gonna do.

I'm going to, uh, I'm gonna put, uh, $1,000 on number 7.

Oh, I'm sorry, sir,

but there's a $100 limit on all bets.

Huh. Talk about a great way to kill an evening.

Dear, didn't you hear what the lady said?

You can still play as long as you bet within the limits.

For a measly $100?

You might as well play for matchsticks.

What seems to be the trouble here, Mr. Wilcox?

What seems to be the trouble? Well, I'll tell you.

I was under the mistaken impression

that this was a first-class ocean liner.

That's what seems to be the trouble.

[ Scoffs ] $100 limit. What a joke.

Daryl, please.

Virginia, come on. Let's go to the room.

We'll plan a real vacation for when we get off of this canoe!

Virginia, what is this silent treatment anyway?

My mother told me never to talk to strangers.

And right now, that's exactly what you seem like --

a stranger.

Listen. We're in a whole new ballpark,

and we can't let anybody shove us around.

Daryl, your behavior is ridic--

good evening, Mr. Wilcox. I think you should know, sir,

that we have had several complaints about your behavior

since you boarded the ship.

Oh, is that so?

Daryl!

Listen, young man.

Anytime I'm engaged in money matters,

I don't mind ruffling a few tail feathers.

I don't care a bit.

Sir, we are taught on this ship

that the passenger is always right.

You are pushing that rule.

I am right.

And the reason I'm right is because my money makes me right.

-Come on. -Oh! Daryl.

[ Ballad ends ]

[ Applause ]

Listen. If you'll excuse me a minute,

captain, I'm gonna go over and talk to that bandleader

and see if he knows any reggae.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Adam. [ Sighs ] I've gotta do something about Mrs. Heywood.

You're right. She's a lovely one.

Wouldn't wanna let her get away.

No. You missed the point.

You know, it's two years since her husband died.

She's still very vulnerable.

What could be more perfect? I say you make your move.

You don't understand.

You know, sometimes, these uniforms make women think

we're heroic, romantic figures.

That's why I'm working here.

[ Sighs ] Adam, it's obvious that you and I

are not tuned into life on the same frequency.

Now, I know what she's looking for.

I just have to tell her that I'm not interested

in anything serious.

Lighten up, merrill. It's only a 5-day cruise.

Well, I'll just tell her she's a sweet, wonderful person

and let her down easy.

Merrill, you're a Saint.

And, uh, I'm a sinner.

♪♪

All right. Where you hiding 'em?

Hiding who?

Those little old ladies that seem to appear every time

we try and talk.

[ Chuckles ] Oh, they're all safely tucked away

in their beds.

Wonderful.

We can finally get better acquainted.

I want to know all about you,

beginning with why you're babysitting the golden oldies.

It's a long story.

I'm in no rush.

Well, um...

It all began when I was 5 years old

and I won little miss baked goods

beauty pageant.

And from then on, it was one pageant after another

until I met Craig.

-Craig? -My ex-husband.

Oh.

We met when I was reigning miss steel belted radials,

and he was the emcee at the pageant.

We were very happy until he went off

to crown miss user-friendly software and...

And never came back.

I'm sorry.

Thanks.

Anyway, there I was on my own, and I tried to get a job.

But it's not easy

when your only skill is looking good in a tiara.

But you succeeded.

[ Giggles ] I'll be honest with you, Brandon.

I've been a tour guide for less than a day,

and I ran out of ideas before I hit open sea.

Do you think you could have lunch with me in acapulco?

I'd love to, but i'm taking my group ashore.

I'll get 'em to give you some time off.

I can be very charming if I want to.

I noticed.

Whew.

You -- you have a real natural feel for the bossa nova.

Tomorrow, we can practice our spins and our dips.

We'll clear out the dance floor when we get out there.

Emily, I-I think we need to have a little talk.

Listen, don't worry.

I'm not gonna shove you out there until you're ready.

No, please. This isn't easy.

First of all,

I want you to know that I think

you're a sweet, wonderful woman.

Stop right there, merrill.

I know where this is heading.

You do?

If there's one thing I've learned to spot in a man's eyes,

it's vulnerability.

Now, I think you're a wonderful person, too,

but I'm just not ready

to be seriously involved with somebody.

For-forgive me, but, uh,

I thought it was you who was after me.

What ever gave you that idea?

Well, all the attention you've been giving me

and, uh, the crazy reasons you come up with

so we can spend more time together.

Well, like what?

Come on.

You really didn't want to tour the engine room now, did you?

[ Chuckles ]

Captain, for your information,

I happen to run a very successful trucking firm

with a fleet of 18-wheelers

that can outhaul this tugboat anytime.

And if I say that I wanna see the engine room,

it's for professional reasons only.

Oh. Well, I, uh, guess I misread the situation.

Well, I'm sorry that you did.

If you can't accept my company

without thinking that I'm after you,

well, I'll just be very happy to entertain myself

for the rest of this cruise.

And by the way,

your starboard engine needs a ring job.

♪♪

♪♪

For those of you who have not yet ventured

into acapulco, our breakfast buffet

is now being served on the starlight deck.

[ Knock on door ]

Come in.

Uh, going to breakfast, merrill?

The word is the fresh almond croissants are back.

Adam, could I ask you something personal?

Oh, sure.

When you look into my eyes, what do you see?

Come here.

Uh, normal pupil dilation, healthy pigmentation.

Do you see any vulnerability?

Well, I'm not a specialist. Why?

Well, last night, Emily called me vulnerable,

and she accused me of misreading her intentions,

then she walked out on me.

It seems to me you're pretty upset about losing

someone you didn't want in the first place.

No, I'm not upset.

I'm surprised. Yeah. That's the word -- surprised.

Could it be you're a little more interested in Mrs. Heywood

than you're willing to admit?

Oh, no. It's not that.

I just wish she hadn't twisted things so.

And the vulnerability thing.

Do you know our starboard engine needs a ring job?

What is this, anyway?

I ordered two eggs sunny side up,

and you -- you broke the yolk.

Is it so difficult to find two eggs that look alike?

There. Now they both look alike.

I want to talk to you.

I stayed up all last night going through these letters.

And I picked out about 10 that I think really need our help.

Virginia, honey, I am trying to enjoy my breakfast.

But we always said, if we ever had money, we'd help people.

Well, I can't carry the weight of the whole world

on my shoulders.

What do you think the government's for?

I don't believe my ears.

Well, contrary to what you may think,

$8 million only lasts so long.

Now, we can blow it if we're not careful.

Well, before we run out,

I'm going to take some of your money

and fly back home to Omaha.

Oh, don't worry. I'll fly coach.

Virginia, wait.

No, you wait.

What I've watched you become in the past 24 hours

has scared me to death.

I'm going back to our... Comfortable little home

in our quiet little neighborhood,

and I'm going to try to forget that this ever happened.

[ Grunting ]

-Yah! -Aah!

Oh, that was some move.

[ Exhales deeply ]

Oh. I took this up when the -- the TV repairman

made a pass at me.

-Ah. -Next time my set goes out,

you know, I'll be ready for him.

Well, i'm, uh, I'm glad I didn't get you any angrier

than I did last night.

Look, uh, I'd like to apologize

for accusing you of chasing me.

Well, and I'm so sorry

that I thought the same thing about you.

But a couple men make approaches to me since Leo died --

my accountant, my mortgage broker, my dentist.

I got a free root canal outta that one.

Well, uh, now that we know where we each stand,

I hope we can still be friends.

Oh, I do, too. I do, too.

So, well, we're, uh, going to acapulco this afternoon?

You're not asking me for a date.

Oh, no, no. No, no.

I'm just asking you as an interested friend.

Well, yes. I was gonna do a little shopping.

Yeah, me, too.

Maybe I'll see you there.

Well, you know, we could take the same cab.

That'd save money.

Right. Right. And I know the town.

So, uh, perhaps you'd like to, uh, you know, just,

uh, tag along and --

I have a map, you know. But it's all in Spanish.

So yeah, that would be a good idea.

Great. I'll, uh, meet you on the launch.

This is much more fun than dating, isn't it?

♪♪

[ Indistinct conversations ]

It's all worth it when you see a car that started as a sketch

on a napkin rolling off the assembly line.

You really love your work, don't you?

It's all I've ever wanted to do.

I'm sorry. I've been talking your ear off, haven't I?

No, no, no. I-I'm enjoying myself.

You're so easy to talk to.

I don't meet many women that are interested in my work.

Actually, I don't meet many women period.

[ Chuckles ] I find that hard to believe.

I spent so much time trying to get a leg up at the company

that I haven't got much time for a social life.

Well, at least you accomplish what you set out to do.

As a matter of fact, I'm two years younger

than Lee iacocca was when he designed his first car.

[ Bell tolling in distance ]

Oh, my god.

-Well, it's not that big a deal. -Brandon, look at the time.

We were supposed to meet the ladies at the museum

an hour ago.

♪♪

Mr., uh, wilcox, this is ace Evans.

He's gonna help you out.

Gopher, uh --

hey. You wanna be an assistant purser,

you gotta involve yourself in your passengers' lives.

Excuse me.

Uh, Mr. Wilcox,

i-I'm sorry about your wife.

She says that money changed me.

Well, money could do that.

How would you know?

Well, my, uh, my --

my family's worth over $100 million.

That'd do it.

Yeah.

You see, Mr. Wilcox, you can accomplish a lot

of wonderful things in the world with money.

But you don't want to let your wealth do to you

what it did to my uncle.

-Your uncle? -Mm-hmm.

What's he like?

Oh, he's stingy.

He's opinionated, rude to waiters.

Oh, he sounds awful.

Sounds like me.

Oh, you think so?

I'll bet you weren't like that before.

Up to a couple of weeks ago, I was a pretty nice guy.

I bet that nice guy wouldn't sit still

and let his wife fly back to Omaha, hmm?

I'll see you around.

Really? Nonsense.

I think your Spanish is just wonderful.

Well, being able to say "huevos rancheros"

doesn't mean I'm bilingual.

Oh, but the way you said to the cabbie,

"vámonos al puerto"...

There you are. I was beginning to worry about you two.

-Well, we had a full day. -I'll tell the world.

Well, I'm gonna go and freshen up.

Uh, hasta luego, El capitán.

Adios, señora. [ Laughs ]

-Adam, help. -Huh?

I'm exhausted.

We covered every bumpy inch of that city.

-Well, sounds like fun. -No. We even rode mopeds.

Uh, I'll help you to your cabin, sir.

Thanks. I don't want

any of the passengers to see me in this condition.

Excuse me.

Virginia!

Virginia! Oh, am I ever glad

they caught up with you at the airport.

All right. I'm here.

But I'm warning you, I'm booked on the next flight.

So this better be good.

Well, I just wanted to give you this.

You had me paged and brought back by cab

so that you could give me one Rose?

Isn't that a little understated for a big spender like you?

Don't you remember when I used to tell you I was sorry

with just a single Rose

because I couldn't afford any more?

I remember.

But what does it mean now?

The same thing.

I'm still the same man.

Oh, Daryl.

I'd like to believe that.

Well, I'll prove it to ya. You watch.

Uh, it's... I'll get those for ya.

Come on. Come on. I'll prove it to you.

-Gopher. -Mm-hmm?

Where's the captain? I need to speak with him.

Oh, he's kinda busy right now.

We're getting ready to sail.

We can't. My ladies aren't on the ship.

Why not?

I was late picking them up from the museum.

When I got there, there was no sign of them.

I looked all over town.

My last hope was that they came back to the ship,

-but they're not aboard. -You're sure about this?

Of course I'm sure. We have to wait for them.

I can't delay 620 passengers for 5 latecomers.

-Please. -Ms. Belford,

I know this tour group.

I'm sure that they are perfectly capable of

arranging ground transportation to our next stop.

I hope so.

I'd sure hate to pick up a milk carton

and find their pictures on it.

♪♪

What do you feel like, a little backgammon?

Bingo?

Bridge?

Necking in a sauna?

I know you're trying to cheer me up,

but it just won't work.

Donna, punishing yourself is silly.

I'm sure those ladies are fine.

I should've been on time.

Leading a tour isn't a hard job,

but I couldn't do it.

I'm no good at anything.

That's not true. You're a great listener.

I'm talking about a job,

Brandon, something I can do for the rest of my life.

So am I.

Donna, I've been thinking about something since last night.

That lunch today convinced me that I'm doing the right thing.

Will you marry me?

Sharing an enchilada

is hardly the basis for a lifetime commitment.

Donna, this is no joke.

I want you to be my wife.

I like you, Brandon,

but I'm not sure I want to rush into another marriage.

Well, I wish I had more time,

but I have to get married very soon.

Why?

Mr. Mason said so.

And who is Mr. Mason?

The chairman of the board.

And he made it very clear that he wants

all of his top executives to be happily married.

If I'm gonna get my promotion before the model year is over,

then my wedding better come before the spring ad blitz.

Looks like you're in a bind.

Donna, this just isn't for me.

This tour guide fiasco

should've taught you that you are not cut out for a career.

Believe me, it has.

It seems to be a pretty clear choice.

Would you rather be cooling your heels

in the unemployment line

or playing tennis at the country club?

-I don't play tennis. -You'll learn.

Donna, I'm not gonna beg.

All right. Well, maybe just a little.

You don't have to.

I'll give it some very serious thought.

Fair enough.

You know, I've never met anyone like Emily before.

She's tireless -- windsurfing, snorkeling.

We even climbed the cliffs to watch the divers.

Oh, you only watched?

You didn't try a few dives just for fun?

Oh, she -- she wanted to, but I wouldn't hold her purse.

Aha.

Well, this'll take down the swelling in your feet.

You know, Adam, I never realized

what a wonderful place acapulco is.

It's so...Sunny,

so...friendly,

so full of life.

You're either hallucinating from exhaustion,

or you really like this woman.

Well, I'll tell you this -- she can fill a day.

[ Knock on door ]

Come in!

Oh, excuse me. Merrill, do you own roller skates?

Uh, no.

That's okay. It's just a thought.

See you in the lounge.

[ Door closes ]

Ladies and gentlemen, we have temporarily slowed down

to pick up some late-arriving passengers.

Thank you. [ Chuckles ]

What a pleasure cruise. I'm wet, cold and tired.

Emma, put a sock in it.

Oh, thank goodness you're all right.

I've been so worried about you.

Can you ever forgive me for missing you at the museum?

Oh, there's nothing to apologize for.

But you must've been frantic when I didn't show up.

We -- we were upset at first,

but Carlos took such good care of us,

we -- we forgot all our troubles.

Who's Carlos?

-He's Raul's brother. -Oh.

Both: He's gorgeous.

I'll say.

All we really need is a hot bath and a change of clothes.

Oh, of course.

[ Chuckles ]

Wait! Who's Raul?

You know, I've been going through all those letters,

letter after letter after letter,

trying to figure out which one I'm gonna help first.

And I have found the one.

There's a young fella that has a little wife and a dog

and a pretty little house up in the canyon,

and he lost the whole thing in a fire.

So I am going to help him get started.

That's wonderful, Daryl. What made you change?

Well, I was having this talk

with this nice young fella richer than us,

and he said to me

that our life was never going to be the same,

but we don't have to change.

[ Chuckles ] That's good,

because it took me 30 years to get used to the old Daryl.

Ah.

♪♪

You ladies had quite an adventure.

-Yeah. -We sure did.

Um, I-I would appreciate it if --

if you didn't mention any of this to the line.

Oh, nonsense.

When we get back, we're going to call your boss

and tell him what a great tour guide you are.

I left you stranded in a foreign country.

That hardly gets you into the tour guide hall of fame.

So you made one mistake.

We all still think you're terrific.

[ Exhales ]

Ladies, I-I don't know what to say.

Just say, "thank you" so we can all go have some fun.

[ Chuckles ] Thank you.

[ Laughter ]

You're welcome.

♪♪

Ladies and gentlemen, the international lounge

is proud to present the mermaids!

[ "Neutron dance" playing ]

♪ Woo, ooh ♪

♪ woo, ooh ♪

♪ woo, ooh ♪

♪♪

♪ I don't want to take it anymore ♪

♪ I'll just stay here locked behind the door ♪

♪ just no time to stop and get away ♪

♪ 'cause I work so hard to make it every day ♪

♪♪

♪ woo, ooh ♪

♪ woo, ooh ♪

♪ and it's hard to say ♪

♪ just how some things never change ♪

♪ and it's hard to find ♪

♪ any strength to draw the line ♪

♪ oh, I'm just burning, doin' the neutron dance ♪

♪ I'm just burning, doin' the neutron dance ♪

Donna. Been looking all over for you.

Got a wonderful surprise.

It's a little rough, but I know you're gonna love it.

Oh, you've drawn me a tiny car. How nice.

It's the mandela, you know, the car I designed.

I'm having it made into an engagement ring for ya.

Oh, Brandon, we won't be needing an engagement ring.

Oh, don't worry about the cost. I got an uncle in the business.

No, um, what I'm trying to say is I can't marry you.

I've decided to keep my job.

Donna, be realistic. You're no good at it.

That's not true.

I'm new at it.

I still have a lot to learn,

but I know, with a little hard work,

I'll be a terrific tour guide.

And I already wired the good news to Mr. Mason.

You sure I can't change your mind?

I'm sure.

This job has given an opportunity

to use something other than my looks to get ahead,

and...i like the way that makes me feel.

Well, maybe it's a good thing we didn't rush into this.

Divorce would be very bad for my career.

♪ I'm just burning, doin' the neutron dance ♪

♪♪

♪ I'm just burning, doin' the neutron dance ♪

♪ I know there's a pot of gold for me ♪

♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ all I got to do is just believe ♪

♪ believe, believe, believe, ♪

♪ I'm so happy doin' the neutron dance ♪

♪ I'm so happy doin' the neutron dance ♪

♪ I'm just burning, doin' the neutron dance ♪

♪ I'm just burning, doin' the neutron dance ♪

♪ woo, ooh ♪

I'm so happy doin' the neutron dance!

[ Song ends, cheers and applause ]

I hope I'm not violating our no-dating rules

by telling you how much I enjoyed today.

Oh, I think the judges would accept that.

You're a lot of fun, too, you know.

Why, thank you.

-[ Sighs ] -I bet Leo was a fun guy.

He had to be to keep up with you.

Oh, Leo. He was a hoot.

He wasn't really the adventurous type, though.

You know, he never would've tried windsurfing.

Well, I won't again.

But you tried it once. I like that about you.

You know, I'm glad you and I became good friends

after we cleared up our intentions.

Yes.

It's a shame that the cruise is ending

just as we're really getting to know each other.

-You know, I was wondering... -Yes?

What it'd be like to dive off the back of the ship here.

Right now?

Oh, no, merrill. Don't be silly.

I would never do it while the ship's moving.

I wouldn't advise that.

I-I wouldn't want you to get hurt.

That's very sweet.

If you'd like to kiss me,

I want you to know it'd be all right.

I'd like that very much.

You sure you won't mind?

You know, that's only the second time

I've been kissed since Leo died.

Which kiss was better?

There's just no comparison.

First time, I was on novocaine.

[ Both laughing ]

♪♪

[ Indistinct conversations ]

I think we ought to hurry, mother.

-Kirby's waiting in the car. -I'll just be a minute.

Kirby said that the cabbie's already started the meter.

I want to say goodbye to the captain.

But Kirby says if we don't go straight down,

that we'll lose him.

Well, go then. Get in the cab.

Tell Kirby to hold the cabbie's hand so he won't drive away.

[ Sighs ] Kirby's gonna be furious.

Come see us again.

[ Sighs ] Well, I guess I'm headed back to the world

of interstate trucking.

Uh, if you ever come to Fresno,

you've got to promise that you'll look me up.

I've wanted to see Fresno for a long time.

-Now I have a good excuse. -I'll buy you lunch.

We truckers really do know the best places to eat.

I've had a wonderful time.

Goodbye.

Bye.

You ladies go on. I'll catch up.

-All right. -Thanks.

-Bye-bye, ladies. -Goodbye.

-Thank you for sailing with us. -Oh, we loved it.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Bye!

-Bye-bye. -Gopher.

Customs is to your right as you get off the gangway.

[ Sighs ] Thanks. Okay, ladies, remember,

customs is to your right as you get off the gangway!

Goodbye, gopher.

-Bye-bye. -Thanks for everything.

-Mm-hmm. -[ Kisses ]

Young man, it -- it kind of looks to me

like you've got an apology coming.

Of course. I kind of lost my head.

Well, besides, I've never been given $8 million before.

Yeah. It hasn't happened to me that much either.

You know, I've been thinking and thinking

how I can make up to you.

And, well, I even came up with a figure of $10,000 apiece.

But then I had a long talk with ace,

and he said that that would never solve anything.

After all, it isn't the money that matters.

It -- it's the people in your life.

And we thank you for reminding me of that.

Don't mention it.

Merrill!

Emily. Did you forget something?

You're never coming to Fresno.

That's the kind of thing people say they'll do but don't.

Well, I would've. I-I mean it.

I figured the only way I'd ever see you again

is if I take another cruise.

And as long as I'm packed, I might as well do it right now!

That's wonderful. [ Chuckles ]

You can have the same cabin if you like.

Oh. I'll go and change into my bathing suit.

And I'll meet you on the fantail deck.

Wait.

You're not thinking about doing that dive off the deck, are you?

No. I just wanna get some sun.

Pretty happy that I'm back, aren't you?

Well, it's, uh, always nice to have a happy customer return.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah!

♪♪

♪♪