Original subtitles

Mom, We're Going Out In The Backyard To Play, Okay?

Okay, But Rudy

Wear Your Hat.

But It's Spring Outside.

Yes, But It's Only 45 Degrees

So Put It On.

Okay. Kenny, Put Yours On, Too.

I Don't Have To.

I'm A Man.

So?

Men Don't Get Cold In Spring.

They Only Get Cold When It's Below Zero.

That's Why They Send Men To The South Pole.

There Are Women

At The South Pole.

Oh, Yeah, But They Stay Inside.

Oh, I See.

I'll Call Your Mother

And Tell Her That You Went Outside Without Your Hat On.

I'm Sure She'll Say It's Okay Because You're A Man.

Let's Go, Rudy.

Okay.

Cliff: Hey, Look At Kenny!

You Told Me You'd Never Wear A Hat

As Long As You Live.

You Are Not Going To Believe What Happened To Your Son Today.

What?

No, Ask Your Son--

Who Has Gone Fishing 15 Or 20 Times

Who Has Never Caught Anything--

Ask Him What He Reeled In Today.

A Rubber Tire.

No, Ask Him What He Caught.

You Caught A Fish?

Where Is It?

The Morgue.

He Caught A Dead Man In A Three-Piece Suit.

The Police Think

It Was A Gangster Named Jimmy "The Snake" Martin.

So Granddad Said:

"Wait A Minute, Fellows.

Let's Just Change Places So We Can Reel It In."

So We're Reeling In, And I Got Mine In

And Granddad Has His In

And Your Son Is Pulling

And His Pole Is Bent Over Like This.

He Said, "Dad, I Got Something."

So I Said

"I'll Help You Pull It In."

I Wanted To Bring It In Myself.

But The Fish Wasn't Putting Up Much Of A Fight.

Dad Thought It Was An Old Tire.

I Said, "Dad, This Is Not A Tire.

I Can Feel It."

And It Wasn't.

Theo: So I Said

"Let Me Reel It In."

I Pulled With All My Might

And This Thing Floated To The Surface.

And Then He Pulled It And Saw The Thing...

And My Son Saw It

And My Son Said, "That's It!

I'm Not Fishing No More!"

And "Phoom" Took Off.

I Had To Run And Catch Him.

My Man Was Gone.

I Said

"Hold It, Man."

I Said, "You Go Get The Police."

And He Went And Called The Police.

Dad And I Covered The Man Up.

He Came Back With The Reporter

And They Interviewed Him.

The Police Asked Us Some Questions.

So They Went Off, And Here We Are.

But I Must Tell You That I'm Proud Of My Friend

Who, After Being 0 For 15 In Catching A Fish

Is One For One In Catching A Dead Man.

That's Enough Warming Up.

Let's Play Now.

We Don't Have Enough People.

We'll Play One-On-One.

I'll Be The Goalie.

You Try To Kick It Past Me.

That Will Be Easy.

Nuh-Uh. I'm Quicker Than You.

In Your Dreams.

Goal!

Yes!

Whoo!

You're Stupid.

You're A Sore Loser.

Sun's In My Eyes.

Right.

Bet You Can't Do It Again.

Kenny, Come Here.

Look.

Wow, A Bird's Nest!

Look, Babies.

I Wonder Where The Mother Is.

She Should Be With Her Children.

Maybe She's Looking For Food.

The Man Bird Gets The Food.

The Mother Stays With The Nest.

Is That What Your Brother Said?

No, That's The Way Things Are In Nature.

Nuh-Uh.

I Saw A Tv Show About Birds

And The Mother Bird Flew Away And Got Bugs For Her Babies.

We Should Watch Over Them.

If The Mother Doesn't Come Back By Tomorrow

We'll Adopt Them, And We'll Take Care Of Them.

I Guess That Will Make You The Mama Bird

And Me The Daddy Bird.

Look At That.

Hi.

Ooh, Hi.

Everybody In The Office Is Talking About Theo.

I Told Everybody At The Hospital About My Son, The Fisherman.

It Is Kind Of Exciting--

Our Boy Getting All This Attention.

You Better Believe It.

And He's Handling It With Great Maturity, Too.

Mom, Dad...

Do You Know Who You're Looking At?

Check Out Page Two Of The Daily Chronicle.

It's A Picture Of You By The Lake.

When Was This Taken?

A Reporter Came By School Today

To Ask Me Some Questions.

At Lunch, He Took Me To The Lake

And Took My Picture.

Read The Headline.

"Brooklyn Boy Hooks Dead Meat."

Isn't That Great?

It Was That Gangster, Jimmy "The Snake" Martin.

He Ran A Stolen Car Ring.

The Police Have Been Looking For Him.

Read On, Mom.

"A Brooklyn Youth, Armed With A Fishing Pole

"Solved A Mystery

That Baffled Police For Three Weeks."

I'm A Hero.

You Should Have Seen The Kids

When I Had The Photographer Hanging Out With Me

And The Reporter.

Dad, A Teacher At School

Asked Me To Write A Story About It

In The School Newspaper.

You're Kidding.

I Went To The Newsstand To Buy The Paper.

The Guy Looked At Me And Said:

"Page Two, Right?"

I Said, "Yeah."

He Said, "Hey, Man, Autograph This."

So I Signed It

And Pretty Soon, I Had People Crowding Around Me

Asking Questions.

Yesterday Was The Best Thing

That Ever Happened To Me.

Theo, Did You Say These Things?

What Things?

"I Pulled The Line

"And The Bloated Corpse Popped Out Of The Water.

"It Was A Mess.

"The Guy Was Purple.

"His Nose Was Pushed Over To His Ear.

"He Looked Very Bad.

It Looked Like Some Mobsters Had Worked Him Over Real Good."

Did You Say This?

I Told The Reporter I Was Calling The Police

While Dad Pulled The Body From The Water.

And From That He Got This?

Dad, I Got All The Local Newspapers.

Thank You.

I Had To Go To Five Different Newsstands.

(Phone Ringing )

I'll Get It.

Huxtable Residence.

Yes, This Is Theodore Huxtable.

You Do?!

Okay, Could You Hold On For One Second?

Yeah.

Dad, It's Action News.

They Want To Interview Me.

They're Putting You On Television For This?

Give Me The Telephone, Please.

This Is Clair Huxtable, Theodore's Mother.

One Moment, Please.

This Isaction News

And They Do Want To Talk To Him.

Action News!

They're The Number One News Team In The City.

I Have To Do It.

Suppose They Exploit You Like That Paper Did?

They Won't Exploit Me.

I Promise.

I Can Handle Myself.

How Do You Know That They Won't Exploit You?

He Can Do The Interview, But We Have To Be Present.

Fine, You're The Boss In This.

Dr. Huxtable And I Have Talked This Over.

We've Decided To Let Theodore Do This Interview

But We Must Be Present.

What Time Would You Like To Do It?

Fine, We're At 10 Stigwood Avenue

In Brooklyn.

See You Then.

Yes, Thank You.

Thanks, Mom.

Okay, At 6:00, A News Team Is Coming To Tape.

I'd Better Get Busy With Dinner.

Can You Make Your Own Salad?

I Think I Can.

I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Think I Can.

So, Vanessa, How Does It Feel

To Have A Brother Who's A Celebrity?

Theo, It's Really No Big Deal.

All You Did Was Fish Up A Dead Body By Accident.

Vanessa, Do You Know How Many Important Things In History

Have Happened By Accident?

Penicillin Was Discovered

When Somebody Left A Cheese Sandwich Out Overnight.

Theo, In History

You Wouldn't Have Been The Guy Who Discovered Penicillin.

You'd Have Been The Guy Who Left The Cheese Sandwich Out.

All Right, What About Sir Isaac Newton?

He Was Just Sitting There Under A Tree

And An Apple Hit Him On The Head And Gravity Was Discovered.

Theo, In History

You Would Have Been The Branch Holding The Apple.

All Right, Vanessa.

Maybe I Am Just A Branch

Or Maybe I Am Just The Guy Who Left The Cheese Sandwich

But I Don't See Action News Calling To Interview You.

Now If You'll Excuse Me

I Have To Go Upstairs

And Figure Out What I'm Going To Wear For My Interview.

Hey, Mom, How Do I Look?

Very Nice.

I Wore The Dark Blue Jacket

Because Lots Of Newscasters Wear Blue

And I Read Somewhere

If You Wear Blue, People Trust You More.

Theo, Sit Down.

Son, Your Father And I Are Very Concerned

About Your Going Through With This.

We're Going To Be Present.

You Know, Mom, You Would Make A Great Manager.

A Celebrity Sometimes Needs A Good Manager To Protect Him.

If I Get A Movie Deal, You Can Negotiate The Contract.

Mom, Isaction News Here Yet?

No, Not Yet.

How Do I Look?

You Look Sharp.

You Think They'll Interview Your Friends?

No, Just His Sister.

All Right, You Two.

This Is Between Theo And The Reporter

So You Two Leave.

That's Fine.

We Have Things To Do.

It's A Secret.

We're Not Even Going To Tell Theaction News Team.

( Doorbell )

Is That Them?

Yes.

Hi, I'm Harriet Waters, Action News.

This Is My Cameraman, Wayne Urick.

I'm Mrs. Huxtable.

This Is Dr. Huxtable.

We Watch You All The Time.

Thanks For Watching.

You Must Be Theo.

You Saw My Picture In The Newspaper, Right?

Yes. That Picture Went Into Papers All Across The Country.

Really?

You Think It Got To Hollywood?

Probably.

Could We Start?

I'd Like To Finish So We Can Have Dinner.

Oh, Of Course.

I'd Like To Shoot Theo Sitting On The Couch.

Yeah, Fine.

We'll Be Right Here.

I Understand.

That's Fine.

This Is Harriet Waters, Action News

Talking To Theo Huxtable, Who, Two Days Ago

While Fishing With His Father And Grandfather

Discovered The Body Of Alleged Mobster

Jimmy "The Snake" Martin.

Theo, How Do You Feel

Knowing That You've Helped The Police

Solve A Major Crime?

I Feel I've Done My Duty As A Citizen.

I Love Brooklyn

And I'm Glad I Was Able To Serve It This Way.

What Were Your Very First Thoughts

When The Body Surfaced?

As The Son Of A Physician, I Ascertained Immediately

That The Body Had Expired About Three Weeks Ago.

Did You Know That After Your Discovery

The Police Dragged The Lake

And Found The Bodies Of Several Other Underworld Figures?

I'm Not Surprised.

According To My Information

The Police Believe That You Have Discovered

A Major Dumping Ground For Slain Mobsters.

When This All Happened, I Got The Feeling

That The Body Was Just The Tip Of An Iceberg.

Theo, Tell Me, How Are You Handling Your Newfound Fame?

I'm Taking It All In Stride.

Those Birds Look Really Hungry.

I Wonder Where The Mother Is.

We're The Mommy And Daddy Now.

Get Out A Frying Pan.

Are You Sure They Like Their Worms Cooked?

They're Babies.

You Have To Cook Their Food To Kill The Germs.

Okay.

What's The Butter For?

You Always Put Butter In A Frying Pan.

It Keeps The Worms From Sticking.

Clair: Rudy!

Quick, It's My Mom!

We Have To Hide This!

Um... Drawer.

Um... Mom, We're In Here.

Rudy!

Is The Interview Done Already?

Almost.

It's Getting Dark Outside.

I Just Wanted To Make Sure The Two Of You Were In.

We're In Here.

Excuse Me, Please.

Do You Need Something, Mom?

I Can Get It.

I Need You To Move.

Who, Me Or Kenny?

Both Of You.

But, Mom, We Can't.

What Is This?

Ooh!

Rudy!

Why Are There Worms In My Frying Pan?

I Should Be Going.

No, Kenny!

You Come Back Here.

What Are You Doing?

Mom, It Was A Secret.

Kenny And I Are Mommy And Daddy Of Baby Birds.

Baby Birds.

They're Right Over There On The Electric Meter.

Oh, Look At That.

They're All Alone.

Their Mommy Left Them.

Are You Sure?

Yes, We Watched Them

Since Yesterday After School.

The Mommy Hasn't Come Back At All.

They Were Chirping Real Loud, So We're Frying Up Some Worms.

I Don't Think We Should Do This

Because Worms Are Living Creatures, Too.

Yeah, But They're Ugly.

But I Bet Their Mothers Miss Them.

How Will We Feed The Birds?

We Should Call The A.S.P.C.A.

And Let Them Take Care Of The Birds.

Well, We'll Go Out

And Put These Worms Back.

You Want Us To Save The Butter?

No, Dear, I Really Don't Think We'll Need That.

Okay.

Do You Have The Reverse Angles?

I Have It All.

I Think We're Finished.

Okay, Let's Hit The Road.

Thank You For Being So Cooperative.

When Will This Be On?

Tonight At 11:00.

10:00 Central Time.

No, It's Not A National Broadcast.

Just Local.

Well, Thank You.

We Will Be Watching.

Mom, The Birds Are Shivering.

It's Too Cold Outside.

Can They Come Inside Until The A.S.P.C.A. Comes?

Oh, Isn't That Sweet?

These Birds Are Better Off Outside.

Suppose The Mother Came Back?

I'll Put Them Back.

Where Did You Find Them?

I Found Them Outside On The Electric Meter.

Let Me Show You.

Okay.

Well, Dad, I Think I Did Pretty Well.

Chip Off The Old Block.

This Is Unbelievable.

I've Got To Go Upstairs

And Tell All My Friends To Watch The 11:00 News.

Dad?

The 11:00 News Was Over Here To Interview Theo.

No, They Didn't Want You.

No, And They Didn't Interview Me.

They Just Wanted Theo, That's All.

And You Know What I Just Experienced?

Remember The First Time You Saw Me Play Football

And I Scored Three Touchdowns, And You Said:

"Chip Off The Old Block?"

You Should Have Seen Him In The Interview.

Mature...

I Mean, The Birth Of A Mature Man.

Huh?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm Proud.

Okay, All Right, Dad.

I'll Ask The Lady When She Comes Through

If She Wants To Interview You.

All Right.

Yeah, Break Out Your Trombone.

Bye-Bye.

Don't Forget Your Galoshes When You Go To Work On Monday.

As You Recall

Yesterday, A Young High School Student From Brooklyn

Fished His Way To Fame.

There You Go. Turn It Up.

Theo Huxtable Brought Up The Body Of Missing Mobster

Jimmy "The Snake" Martin.

I Visited With Theo Today.

Here's His Reaction To This Unusual Event.

I'm Taking It All In Stride.

But In An Ironic Comment On Life And Death

While Theo Was Discovering Death

His Sister Rudy Was Discovering Life In Her Own Backyard.

Kenny And I Found These Baby Birds.

Their Mommy Wasn't Around, And We Didn't Want Them To Die.

Rudy Didn't Know What To Do, So I Had To Step In.

You Did Not.

Mom Told Me To Call The A.S.P.C.A.

They'll Save The Birds.

So While Theo Was Calling The Police

To Take A Dead Body Away

Little Rudy Was Calling The A.S.P.C.A. To Save A Life.

From All Of Us At Action News, I'm Harriet Waters.

Good Night.

(Action News Theme Music )

Very Nice!

Very Nice.

I Don't Believe This.

I Sat Here.

I Did All That Talking

And The Whole Story Was On Rudy And Those Birds.

Some People Have A Shorter Moment In The Sun Than Others.

(Giggling )

I Called Up All My Friends.

I Told Them To Watch The 11:00 Action News.

And All Of A Sudden, What Do You See?

"I'm Taking It All In Stride."

The Whole Story Was On Rudy And Those Birds.

You Did Get Carried Away With Your Own Heroics.

How Could They Do This To Me?

They Can Do Anything They Want To Do.

At Least That Dude On The Newspaper

Made Me Look Like A Hero.

They Made Me Look Like A Fool.

Theo, That's Not Uncommon

On Your Father's Side Of The Family.