Original subtitles

Oh, Cliff.

Clair, I've Been On My Feet For 18 Hours.

I Delivered So Many Babies, After Awhile

The Babies I Delivered Started Having Babies.

I Want You To Feel Sorry For Me.

I Can't, I'm Too Tired.

You Have To, You Have To.

You've Worked Three Weeks Straight.

22 Days.

Oh... Poor Thing.

Ick!

Hey, Put The Baby Here!

Oh, Cliff.

I'm Sorry.

That's It.

You Should Take Some Time Off Right Away.

I Will, But I Still Have Some Things To Do.

You Don't Have Patients Coming In The Office.

No, But I Have Paperwork To Do.

Paperwork, Dear.

The Paperwork Can Take Care Of Itself.

Not Really.

Are You On Call At The Hospital?

Yeah. I've Got Two Days I Have To Serve.

Go On...

Get Undressed.

What About Dr. Dailey?

Uh-Huh.

Doesn't He Owe You

Some Time From Those Days You Covered For Him?

Mm-Hmm.

Call Him And Tell Him To Cover For You

For The Next Couple Of Days.

Take A Mini-Vacation.

What Am I Going To Do?

You Won't Do Anything.

You're Going To Relax.

What Are The Children Going To Do?

I'll Talk To The Children.

Can I Eat What I Want?

Yes, All Diets Are Off.

And I Don't Have To Shave?

Nope.

I Don't Have To Shower?

You Do Have To Shower.

You Could Use My Bubbles.

You Could Take A Bubble Shower.

Really?

Yes.

Yippee!

I'm On Vacation.

Yes, And If You Like

I Can Give You A Bon Voyage Party.

Really?

I'll Be The Ocean Liner And You'll Be The Tug Boat?

Okay, And Then We'll Dock Together.

( Ocean Liner Horn )

Good Morning, Theo.

Vanessa, Listen To This.

Five Bedroom, Two Bathroom Condo On The Beach In Honolulu.

And It Only Goes For $249,000.

This Is What I'm Looking For.

Right, Theo.

You Have $249,000 To Buy A Condo.

No...

Not By Myself.

I Formed A Partnership With 23 Other Guys At School.

We're Going To Put Together

The Money We Earn During Summer

And Share A Condo.

You're Going To Share Five Rooms With 23 Other Guys?!

Hey, These Aren't Just 23 Other Guys.

These Are My 23 Best Friends.

Vanessa, Can I Ask You Something?

Sure, Rudy.

Kenny Told Me A Riddle Yesterday

And I Can't Figure It Out.

Why Couldn't You Come To Me With The Riddle?

Because Vanessa's Smarter.

Thank You, Rudy.

So What's The Riddle?

I Have Two American Coins That Add Up To 30 Cents.

One Of Them Is Not A Nickel.

Explain This.

Two American Coins That Add Up To 30 Cents

And One Of Them Isn't A Nickel.

Are You Sure You Got The Riddle Right?

That's What Kenny Said.

Two Coins Add Up To 30 Cents...

Two American Coins That Add Up To 30 Cents

One Is Not A Nickel?

It Can't Be.

Kenny's Trying To Trick You.

Of Course!

I Figured It Out.

Oh, Stop It, Theo.

You Did Not.

You Want To Bet I Know The Answer?

What Should We Bet?

If I Know The Answer

You Make My Bed Tomorrow.

I'll Make Your Bed For A Week!

Me, Too.

You're On.

The Question Is

How Can Two Coins Add Up To 30 Cents

When One Of Them Is Not A Nickel.

I Have A Quarter, I Have A Nickel.

30 Cents.

Wait A Minute.

This Is A Nickel.

One Coin Is Not A Nickel.

This Is A Quarter.

This Is Not A Nickel.

Good Morning, Good Morning.

Dad, Theo Cheated Us On A Bet.

He Cheated Us Bad.

They Lost And Now They're Whining.

We Are Not Whining!

I Have An Announcement To Make.

I'm On Vacation At Home For The Next Two Days.

Mom Told Us.

Go To School Today.

Ask Your Friend

"May I Stay With You For Two Days?"

Okay?

If They Say No, Offer Them Money.

( Knocking )

Come In.

Mrs. Huxtable?

You'll Never Guess Who's Waiting In The Reception Area.

Diane Hemmings.

The Reporter Who Interviews Celebrities On Tv.

Oh, Great.

Send Her In.

Is She Interviewing You?

No, She's Just A Good Friend.

I Watch Her All The Time.

Shall I Get You Her Autograph?

I Already Did.

Mrs. Hemmings?

Hi, Diane.

Hey, Clair.

I Know You're Busy.

I'll Only Stay A Minute.

But I'm So Glad You Came.

I Saw Your Paul Newman Interview.

Oh, Yeah.

It Was An Interesting Day.

Have You Lost Your Senses?

You Went For A Ride In His Race Car.

"It Was An Interesting Day"?

I'm Sorry, Clair.

I'm Not Feeling Too Enthusiastic Right Now.

Sorry, Have A Seat.

What's The Matter?

Richard And I Are Having Troubles.

He's Accusing Me Of Being Unfaithful.

Oh, Silly Man.

Does He Have Reason To Believe This?

Clair...

I Love Richard, And I'm Sure He Loves Me.

Where Is He Getting These Ideas?

When I Go Off On These Trips To Interview Celebrities

It Gets Him Crazy.

What Do You Mean?

While I'm Packing, He Goes Through My Suitcase

Pulls Something Out And Says

"Don't Take This Sexy Dress."

He Isn't Serious, Is He?

Very.

That's Not All.

When I'm On The Road

He Calls Very Late

To See If I'm There.

Then He Wants To Know If Anyone Else Is With Me.

Oh, Get Out.

I Can't Convince Richard That I Love Him

When He Doesn't Trust Me.

Are You Here For Legal Reasons?

Sort Of.

I'm Thinking Of Getting Out.

( Western )

Hi, Cliff.

Hey!

Cliff!

I'm On Vacation.

I'm On Vacation.

Diane Hemmings Came To See Me Today.

Really?

She Heard I Was On Vacation

And Wanted To Interview

A Suave, Handsome Doctor.

No.

She And Richard Might Be Splitting Up.

What's Wrong?

The Problem Is That Richard Is So Insecure.

He Doesn't Trust Diane Interviewing Famous Celebrities.

She Does Hang Out With Some Good-Looking Guys.

Cliff, I Can't Believe You Said That.

Can't Believe What?

So Because A Woman In Her Business

Has Contact With Attractive Men

Her Husband Has A Right To Be Suspicious?

No, I Didn't Say The Husband Had A Right To Be Suspicious.

What Did You Say?

I'm Saying That If A Man Had A Very Attractive Wife--

Such As I Do--

And This Wife Was Known To Have To Associate With Handsome Men

These Handsome Men Might Have A Certain Thing In Mind.

I'm Saying He May Think That They Have That In Mind

And That She Might Not Mind What They Have In Mind.

Cliff, If I Had A Handsome Movie Star As A Client--

Would You Trust Me?

Of Course, Dear.

If I Wore A Sexy Dress

Would You Trust Me?

Of Course I Would Trust You, Dear.

I Trust You Because I Love You.

I Always Have, And I Always Will.

What If I Took A Business Trip With This Man

And Stayed At The Handsome Actor's House Overnight?

That's Where You're Wrong Because There's No Reason

For A Lawyer To Stay At The Client's Home.

Let's Say That The Files I Have To Study For The Case

Are In This Man's House.

So I Have To Stay Overnight In The Sexy Dress.

Would You Trust Me?

I'm On Vacation.

Cliff, Answer The Question.

You'd Trust Me, Wouldn't You?

Of Course I Would Trust You.

Of Course I Would.

Thank You.

You're Welcome.

Let's Just Say

While You're Out There With The Sexy Man

And You're Going Through His Files

And I'm Sitting Here On Vacation

And The Tv Set Breaks Down.

The People Send Over A Young, Gorgeous Lady

To Fix The Set.

How Young?

Oh, 19, Firm And Fully Packed.

A Child.

Yes.

And Let's Say I'm Sitting Here

Waiting For Her To Fix The Set

And She Says, "Dr. Huxtable, I'm Sorry.

I Cannot Fix This Set Unless I Take All My Clothes Off."

Would You Trust Me?

Honey, That Couldn't Happen.

That's A New Tv Set.

It Won't Break.

Same Way That The Man's Files Were All In His House

And You Didn't Have A Hotel To Go To

In That Town You're In.

That's The Same Way This Woman Took Her Clothes Off.

Same Way The Tv Set Broke Down.

And My Question Is, Would You Trust Me?

There Are Children In This House.

Children Went To The All-Night Library.

The Children Would Not Go To An All-Night Library.

If I Send Them, They Will.

In The First Place

I Did Not Spend The Night At Anybody's House.

Mm-Hmm.

You Can Just Forget About

Miss Tv Repair Person

Coming Up Here With No Clothes On.

Not In My House

In Front Of My Tv And My Children.

And Let The Record Show...

Oh, Lord, The Record's Showing.

The Only Person I'd Ever Wear A Sexy Dress For Is You.

Thank You.

Thank You Very Much, Dear.

And There Will Be No 19-Year-Old

Coming Here Fixing The Tv Set.

And No 23-Year-Old.

Or 32-Year-Old.

And No 45-Year-Old.

And No 53-Year-Old.

Oh, Janet, That's A Good One.

Thanks.

I'll Call You Back, And Let You Know How It Goes.

Rudy, Janet Just Gave Me A Riddle

That Theo Will Never Guess.

We'll Win Our Bet Back.

What's The Riddle?

Okay, Pay Attention.

If A Plane Crashed

Right On The Border Between The United States And Canada

Where Would You Bury The Survivors?

I Don't Know.

Where?

Nowhere. You Don't Bury Survivors.

Hah! Perfect.

I Don't Get It.

Rudy, Survivors Are Alive.

Oh, That's Perfect.

I Still Don't Get It.

Hey, Don't Anybody Go Out Into The Living Room.

Dad's Playing Badminton.

Theo, How Would You Like To Go Double Or Nothing

On Our Bet?

You Two Seem Pretty Confident, So Take Your Best Shot.

Okay, This Is A Riddle.

If A Plane Crashed

Right On The Border Between The United States And Canada

So That Half The Plane Landed In The United States

And Half The Plane Landed In Canada

Where Would You Bury The Survivors?

Let's See, The Plane Crashes

Halfway Between Canada And The United States.

Right.

What Nationality

Is The Pilot?

American.

Where Did The Luggage Land?

Half In Canada, Half In The United States.

I Think I've Got The Answer.

What's The Answer?

Well, I'd Have To Say That You Would Bury The Survivors

Nowhere

Because You Can't Bury Survivors.

In Your Face, Jack.

How Did You Get That?

That Must Be The Oldest Riddle In The Book.

That's No Fair.

You Heard It Before.

Hey, All That Counts Is That I Got It Right

And That I Now Have Two Weeks Of Bed-Making

By My Own Personal Valets.

And, Ladies, I Like My Pillows Extra Fluffed.

Whoo!

Hello, Richard.

How Are You?

Well, I'm All Right.

Have A Seat.

May I Offer You Tea?

No, Thank You.

It's Certainly Good To See You.

We've Always Gotten Along, Clair.

This Was Your Idea, So I Gave It A Shot.

Well, Thank You.

Now What Is Wrong?

It's Pretty Simple.

Diane Goes On These Trips For Three Or Four Days.

She's At These Exotic Places

With Glitzy People, And I'm Home Alone.

Don't You Think When Diane's Away

She's Missing You, Too?

I Turn On The Television

And She's With Some Movie Star, Laughing And Smiling.

She Doesn't Look Unhappy To Me.

Richard Doesn't Understand What I Do For A Living.

I Understand Plenty.

You Hang Around A Fast Crowd--

People Who Share Each Other's Hot Tubs

And Change Wedding Rings Like Most People Change Shoes.

What Makes You Think That?

Everybody Knows About These People.

Like Who?

Everybody I Work With.

Who?

Like Roy.

He Reads The Enquirer And The Globe.

He Shows Me These Articles.

So Roy Is Your Reliable Source?

Yes.

He Showed Me An Article

On That Guy You Interviewed Last Month.

That Guy On A Soap Opera.

He Once Spent A Weekend

With The Wives Of Three Of His Costars?

Why Would I Date A Man Like That?

He Looks Ten Years Younger Than Me.

That's Because He's Spent Over $20,000

On Plastic Surgery.

Really?

Roy Never Told Me That.

Richard, I've Never Seen You Like This.

You Seem So Insecure.

I Do?

Yes, You Do.

Our Marriage Is Wonderful.

Why Do You Think

I Would Jeopardize It All To Be With Another Man?

I Don't Know.

I'd Be Miserable Without You.

I'd Be Miserable Without You, Too.

Will You Go With Me To Talk To Somebody?

Okay.

I Think The First Person

You Should Talk To Is Roy.

♪ Hai Loki, Hai Hai ♪

♪ Hai Loki, Hai Hai ♪

♪ Hai Loki, Hai Hai ♪

Dad, You Have Got To Hear This.

Oh, No, I'm Still On Vacation.

But It's 6:00.

Yeah, You Said Your Vacation Would Be Over 6:00.

No, It Is 5:58 And Some Change.

I Still Have A Minute And 30-Some Seconds Left.

Now Just Buzz.

♪ Hai Loki, Hai Hai ♪

♪ Hai Loki, Hai Hai ♪

Hey, How You Doing?

I'm Fine.

I Have A Minute And 12 Seconds Left On My Vacation.

Want To Play Shuffleboard?

No.

Aw, Come On.

You Can Do Something.

How Was Your Meeting With Diane?

Great-- I Think She And Richard Will Work It Out.

Well, Good.

Just For Being A Good Person, You Deserve A Treat.

Why Don't You Go Ahead, Play With That?

Well, Thank You.

♪ Hai Loki, Hai Hai ♪

♪ Hai Loki, Hai Hai ♪

Hi, Mom.

Hi.

Dad, We Called For The Correct Time.

It Is Now Exactly 6:00.

So Your Vacation Is Over.

Now We Have To Tell You Something.

What Is It?

We Heard This Riddle On Tv This Morning.

We Told It To Theo, He Couldn't Get It

And We Won Our Bet Back.

We Got Him.

Congratulations.

Nobody Gets This One.

Yeah.

Really?

Just A Minute Now.

Just A Minute Now

Because You All Happen To Be Talking About The Riddle Wizard.

Riddles Go In, But They Don't Come Out.

If You're The Riddle Wizard

Maybe You'd Like To Make A Bet With Vanessa And Rudy.

Yeah, Dad.

If You Can't Get The Answer

You Have To Make Our Beds For Two Weeks.

That's No Problem.

What Do I Get If I Win?

A Kiss.

Oh, Wonderful.

No, Please Don't Take My Bubble Thing.

Here Goes.

Mr. Smith And His Son Arthur Were Driving In A Car.

Mr. Smith And His Son Arthur Driving.

The Car Crashes.

Mr. Smith Is Killed Instantly.

His Son Arthur Is Rushed To A Local Hospital.

Mm-Hmm.

The Old Surgeon Says:

"I Can't Operate On Him. He's My Son Arthur."

Explain That.

Let's See...

Say It Again.

Mr. Smith And His Son Arthur Were Driving In A Car.

The Car Crashes. Mr. Smith Dies.

Arthur Is Rushed To A Hospital

The Old Surgeon Says:

"I Can't Operate On Him.

He's My Son Arthur."

That's Simple.

The Boy's Adopted.

No, It Was Mr. Smith's Real Son.

Aha! Yeah.

The Old Surgeon Was Afraid Of A Law Suit

So He Lied And Said That's His Son.

Wrong. Wrong.

Do You Give Up, Riddle Wizard?

I Give Up.

Yeah!

Two Weeks Of Having Our Beds Made By Dad.

Okay, But Wait!

What's...

I Like My Pillows Extra Fluffed.

Understood, But What Is The Answer To The Riddle?

What Is The Answer?

I'm So Disappointed In You, Cliff.

Here I Am Thinking That You Believe

Men And Women Are Equal

And It Never Once Crossed Your Mind

That The Old Surgeon Was Arthur'smother.

Yeah, But You Know Why?

You Know Why?

I'm Serious Now.

The Reason Why...

Because If You Take A Female Doctor

And Call Her "An Old Surgeon"

She'll Tear You Apart For Calling...