Original subtitles

(Knocking )

Come In.

Theo?

Hi.

You Left Your Calculus Book On The Kitchen Table.

Thanks, Mom.

I'll Just Put It On Your Desk.

I'm Sorry. I'll Get Them.

Okay, Thanks.

What Is This?

Car And Woman Magazine.

Oh!

Hey, Mom!

That's No Big Deal.

I'll Take That.

I'd Like To Look At It.

Really, It's Nothing--

Just A Bunch Of Cars.

There's More Than Cars.

There Are Women Draped On Top Of Automobiles.

This Is Obscene!

No, All The Women Are Dressed.

The Woman In The Back Of The Convertible?

There's A Bikini.

I Don't See A Bikini.

No, Mom, It's There.

It's Tiny, So When The Car Goes Fast

It Cuts Down On The Wind Drag.

What Are You Doing With This?

I Read The Articles.

Which Articles?

Uhh...

Let's See...

Umm...

Here We Go, Right Here.

The One On The V-8 Engine.

This One With "Tammy" Leaning Across The Engine?

Oh, I Didn't Even See Tammy There.

Precious, What's Wrong With Your Eyesight?

How Could You Not See This Woman Who Is Hiding Half The Engine?

Theo, This Magazine Is Demeaning To Women.

No, This Magazine Makes Women Look Great.

It Shows They Can Be Mechanically Inclined.

So This Woman Tammy

Is The Kind Of Woman You Want To End Up With?

No. I'd Like To Date A Few Girls Like Tammy.

But Later On

I'd Like To Settle Down With Someone Like You.

Really? What Am I Like?

You're Smart

You Make A Lot Of Money, And Look Good For Your Age.

If Those Are The Kind Of Lines You Use

You'll Need Every Car In That Magazine.

Get Rid Of This Thing.

And Any Others Like This You May Have.

Yes, Mom.

Thank You.

Say "Good-Bye" To Tammy.

No, Nicole, I Insist.

Don't Bring A Thing.

You Made Dinner For Us Last Time.

I'll See You Sunday.

Bye.

What's Happening?

I Invited Nicole And James Harmon

For Dinner Sunday.

James Harmon Is Coming!

Where Are You Going?

I'm Going To Rake The Petanque Court.

Don't Play That Bocci Ball Foolishness On Sunday.

It's Not Bocci Ball.

It's Petanque.

Understand?

I Don't Care What It's Called.

When You Two Go Out Back

With That Little Steel Ball In Your Hands

Something Goes To Your Brains.

And Then Two Grown Intelligent Men--

Doctors-- Act Like Juveniles.

I Wish Your Patients Could See You Argue Over A Ball.

That's Why You Don't Know Anything.

See, It's Not Arguing.

It's Debate.

"Debate"?

Debate.

The Last Time You Debated, Our Neighbors Called The Police.

And What Happened?

The Police Came

And James And I Explained The Game.

The Next Thing You Know, They Were Playing With Us.

And The Sergeant Came

And He Played.

There Was Nobody At The Police Station.

Promise Me Just Once We Can Have A Nice, Relaxed Evening

Where The Men Come In

And Eat Their Dinner And Dessert And Drink Some Coffee

And Talk To Their Wives About World Issues.

Okay, We'll Eat Early

And Talk Fast.

I'm Throwing Away The Magazines.

Theo, Are All Of Those Car And Woman Magazines?

No. Some Of Them Arebikes And Babes.

Get Them Out.

Yes, Mom.

♪ Be-De-Bump! ♪

♪ Be-De-Bump! ♪

♪ I'm Going To Play Petanque! ♪

( Doorbell )

Hey, Cliff!

They're Here!

Cliff, They're Here!

Hi! Hi!

Look Who We Brought.

Oh, My Goodness!

Lindy!

How Are You Doing?

Hi, James.

Somebody's Been Waiting For You.

Oh, Really.

Cliff!

Lindy!

I Haven't Seen You In So Long.

You Have Really Grown.

When You Go Away To Boarding School

Everyone Says

"Gee, I Haven't Seen You Since You Were This High."

Cliff!

What's The Matter With You?

I Want You To See...

Look At Lindy!

Ah, Shucks...

How Are You?

Ooh, Shucks.

My Love.

I Guess There's No One Else Standing Here.

Not Anybody I Want To See.

What's That In Your Hand, Dr. Huxtable?

It Looks Like To Me

Something That's Going To Humiliate And Defeat Dr. Harmon.

It Looks Like One Of Those Evenings.

Don't Worry.

Cliff Promised They Won't Play Until After Dinner.

Let's Have Dinner Now.

Let's Eat Dessert Now.

Then We'll Play!

We Will Not!

Clair: Come Back And Sit Down.

We're Going To Make Ourselves Comfortable And Enjoy

A Leisurely Evening Of Conversation.

Lindy, How Long Are You In Town?

A Few Days.

I'm Going To Oregon On An Outward Bound Expedition.

Oh, Yes!

Sit Down.

Outward Bound.

I've Heard Of This.

It's Very Tough.

Last Summer, I Went Kayaking Off Maine.

In Oregon, I'm Rock Climbing.

Rock Climbing.

It's A Foot Shorter Than Mount Everest

And They Call It A Rock.

Daddy...

Hi, Everybody.

Hi, Dr. Harmon.

Hi, Mrs. Harmon.

Hello, Theo.

You Remember Lindy?

Hi, Theo.

Hi.

I Haven't Seen You Since You Were 13.

Yeah, They Grow Up, Don't They, Son?

If You'll Excuse Me, I'm Going To Check On The Roast.

Mom, I'll Help You.

You Will?

Sure.

Mom!

Lindy Did Not Look Like That Before!

Like What?

The Girl's Unbelievable!

If I Knew She Looked Like That, I Would Have Dressed Better.

You Dress According To How The Girl Looks?

Of Course.

If The Girl Was Not Attractive

You'd Wear A Ripped T-Shirt?

No, Come On. I'm A Gentleman.

Even If The Girl Was Unattractive

I'd Wear A Clean T-Shirt.

I See.

You Think Maybe I Could Borrow The Good Car

And Lindy And I Could Go For A Spin?

Get Some Dessert?

I'll Think About It.

I Thought You Wanted To Help Check The Roast.

Oh, Right.

( Sniffing )

Smells Good.

That Was Such A Delicious Meal, Mrs. Huxtable.

Thank You.

Dinner's Over, Right?

Can We Play Petanque?

No, We Haven't Had Our Coffee.

Make Mine Instant.

Right, And You Don't Have To Stir Mine.

No.

Lindy, You Won't Have Dinner Like This

When You Go To Outward Bound.

No, I Know.

I'll Eat Freeze-Dried Food

On A Mountain.

I Hear You're Going To Oregon.

Yeah.

You Driving?

No, I'm Going To Fly.

That's Too Bad.

I Think The Best Way To See This Country

Is In A Ferrari.

Why Don't You Show Her Your Ferrari In The Garage?

I Don't Have A Ferrari For Real.

But Can't You See Yourself Behind The Wheel Of One?

No.

Or Lying On The Hood?

Mom!

I Think Theo Really Likes Lindy.

I Think He Loves Her!

Keep It Down Over There.

Lindy, Why Don't We Go Somewhere

And Talk About Outward Bound?

Sure.

I've Got A Pamphlet In The Car.

Let's Go.

I'd Love To Hear It, Too.

Stop Right There.

Theo Can Tell You About Outward Bound Later.

Go In Our Room And Watch Tv.

Maybe There's A Love Story On.

Maybe It's About Love In A Ferrari.

Thanks, Mom.

This Has Been A Pleasant Dinner

Because Nobody Talked About "Le-Tank."

That's Not Correct.

It's "Puh-Tonk."

Dear, It's "Pay-Tonk," "Pay-Tonk."

The Pronunciation Is "Petanque."

And You Also Say Toe-Mah-Toe.

Yes, I Do

Because That's The Civilized Way To Pronounce It.

Oh, I'm Civilized.

Didn't I Serve You Poe-Tah-Toes?

Save It For The Game.

It Doesn't Matter

Whether You Pronounce It Pay-Tonk, Le-Tonk

Or Le-Ta-Toky-Toky

It's How You Play The Game That Counts

And I Know How To Play The Game.

I Can Beat You Anyplace, Anytime.

Well, The Place Is Out There, And The Time Is Now.

I Accept

Your Challenge.

Let's Go.

I'm Going To See How Tough You Are.

When I'm Through With You

You Won't Even Have A Pair Of Pajamas Left.

All Right.

How Do You Like It?

Oh, Good, Good.

One Official Size Petanque Court

And Now...

I Will Just Draw The Circle Here.

Ah-Ha!

How's That?

Okay.

We Will Play To 21

And The Best Two Out Of Three.

Agreed.

All Right.

My Lucky Hat.

It Was Given To Me

By The Petanque Champion Of Barcelona.

After I Send Him These Results

He'll Probably Put Dog Food In It.

Cliff, In France

The Best Players Are Men Of Retired Age

Which Gives You An Advantage

Since You're So Much Older Than I Am.

With Your Extra Weight, You Can Push The Ball...

Toss The Ball!

All Right, There's The Court.

There's The Toss.

Looks Good.

Throw The First Ball.

I Tossed The Goal.

You Go Ahead.

Fine.

I Want To Make Sure I Have Enough Room To Throw.

You Think That's Wise?

It's 22 Degrees Out Here.

Are You Afraid Of A Little Frost?

Can't You Stand The Cold?

Mom, Guess What.

Lindy's Teaching Me To Climb Rocks.

Oh, Really? Where?

In The Basement.

We Won't Make A Climb.

I'll Just Show Theo Some Basics.

Is It Okay?

Yeah, I Just Didn't Know You Were Into Rock Climbing.

Mom, You Know I've Mentioned It Several Times.

Right, You Have.

And You Have All Those Rock Climbing Magazines In Your Room.

I Subscribe To Some Of Those.

Which Do You Read?

Theo Likes Rock And Woman.

Let's Go, Lindy.

Let's Go.

Okay, It's All Set.

I Just Want To Show You Some Techniques.

Not Make A Climb.

Lindy, I Think I'm Ready For The Real Thing Now.

All Right.

Let Me Just Make Sure These Ropes Are Secure.

This Is Pretty Shaky.

It's Been Like That For Years.

It Will Hold.

Let's Get Started.

Now First

You Have To Secure A Safety Rope Around Your Waist

Like This.

I Feel Secure Already.

I Think You Can Handle This

On Your Own.

Now, Clip This In Here.

Like That.

Make Sure Your Equipment Is Secure.

Check.

I Think I'm Really Beginning To Understand Rock Climbing.

It's Kind Of Like A Relationship Between Two People.

How's That?

First You Have To Take It Step By Step.

And You Have To

Put A Lot Of Care Into It.

Until That Beautiful Moment

When You Plant Your Flag At The Top Of The Mountain.

But A Lot Of Men Get Killed

Before They Reach The Top Of The Mountain.

I'm Not Like Those Other Guys.

I Bet I Can Get

To The Top Of The Banister With No Trouble.

I Haven't Taught You How To Climb Yet.

You Don't Have To.

I've Soaked It In Just Being Near You.

Watch This.

If It's Too Cold Out Here For You

You Can Bow Out Gracefully.

Why Should I Bow Out?

I'm Ahead 20 To 19.

One Point Away From Sweet Victory.

The Only Reason I Say That Is Because

You Were Born And Raised In Trinidad.

It's Kind Of Hot Down There

And This Cold Weather Might Get On That Skin Of Yours

And Dry It Up.

You Might Break Up Into Little Pieces.

I'll Have To Pick You Up

And Spread You Over Your Wife's Flower Bed.

With Your Aim, I Might End Up On The Roof.

I'm Sorry.

The Reason I Was Talking Through That Whole Thing

Is Because This Is A Very Important Point

And You're Under A Lot Of Pressure!

I Am Feeling No Pressure, Man.

The Only Reason I'm Still Talking About This

Is Because That Ball Might Be Getting Heavy In Your Hand.

Man, This Ball Is As Light Like A Feather.

That Ball Is Kissing The Goal.

Well, Your Ball Is Going To Kiss Some Dirt Here.

Ha, I Got You.

I Got You!

Got What?

I Got You!

Look At That.

In Your Dreams.

No, No, No, No.

Are You Saying You Are Closer?

I'm Saying My Ball...

Whoa, Don't Touch The Ball.

I'm Not.

I'm Saying That...

Don't Touch The Ball.

I Didn't Touch The Ball.

What Are You Saying?

Are You Saying

That Your Ball

Which Is This Far Away

Is Closer Than My Ball

Which Is This Far Away?

Are You Saying The Statue Of Liberty Is This Tall?

My Friend, You Are Near-Sighted

Short-Sighted, Far-Sighted And Hind-Sighted.

Okay, Then Let's Do This.

Why Don't I Get A Ruler And Measure It?

Agreed.

I'll Get My Ruler...

No, No, No...

I Don't Trust Your Ruler.

I Knew Something Like This Was Going To Happen.

I Brought My Own.

My Goodness.

Don't Touch A Thing Here.

We'll Use Your Ruler.

I'll Get My Wife To Be An Impartial Judge.

No, We'll Use Your Ruler And My Wife.

I Tell You What.

No Rulers.

Why Not Just Use Our Wives?

Fine With Me.

All Right.

By The Way, You Owe Me $11.80 For The Dinner.

You Owe Me $15 For The Dinner You Had At My House.

Why, Because You Served Me To-Mah-Toes?

Nicole, Honey, Get Your Coat.

We Need You To Judge Who's The Winner.

Claire, I Want You

To Come And Keep Her Honest.

Please Close That Door.

We're Not Going Anywhere.

We're Not Getting Involved.

We Can't Declare The Winner Unless You Come.

I Have An Idea.

Why Don't You Two Go Back Outside

Strip Down To Your Undershorts And Run Around The Block.

Whoever Gets Back First

Is The Winner.

Obviously, You Don't Care About The Importance Of This Game.

They Would Have Declared Me Winner.

Winner Of Cheating.

Theo: Ooww!!!

What Happened Here?

I Fell From The Banister.

Are You All Right?

Yeah.

Well, Honey, What Were You Doing?

I Was Trying To Show Lindy I Can Climb Rocks.

Mom, I Could Have Been Seriously Hurt.

Don't Worry, I'm An Orthopedist.

If You're Hurt, I Can Fix You.

Keep An Eye On Him, Son.

He'll Look At Your Scapula And Bandage Your Face.

You're Lucky Your Father Doesn't Have To Take Care Of You.

He'd Hold You By The Ankles And Slap You On The Bottom.

What Made You Think This Banister Could Support A Climb?

It Wasn't The Climb That Broke The Banister.

It Broke When Theo Did A Handstand On It.

It Was A Good Handstand.

This Is Nice To See.

Mrs. Harmon, I Thought You Left A Long Time Ago.

We Tried, But The Car Wouldn't Start.

Did You Call The Auto Club?

No, Your Father And My Husband

Decided They Wanted To Start The Car Themselves.

They Have Managed To Disconnect

Every Hose And Wire Connected To The Engine.

You Better Get A Mechanic Quick

Before They Do Some Major Damage.

Don't Worry, Everything's Under Control.

Lindy Stepped In And Is Fixing Everything.

Lindy Knows How To Fix Cars?

It's A Hobby Of Hers.

Oh, I'm Impressed.

Take A Good Look Because This Is The Picture You Want To See.

That Young Lady Is Not Draped Over The Hood.

She's Underneath It, Working.

And Note The Position Of The Men.

They Are Exactly Where They Belong:

Sitting On The Curb.