Original subtitles

(Slow Chuckle)

Now I Got You On The Run.

Protect Your Queen.

You Moved Pawn To King Four.

Hit Your Little Machine.

My Computer Says I Should Counter Your Move

With Bishop To Knight Three.

Go Ahead.

Exactly What I Wanted You To Do.

See, It's Your Dad's Mind

Against That Machine.

Deal With It.

Rook To Bishop One.

My Friend, The Computer, Says I Should Move Here, Which Means

That Would Be Checkmate

Which Means That Would Be Eight In A Row.

Ahh!!

Eight In A Row!

Theo And His Computer... Eight.

Dad And His Brain... Zilch.

Theo!

Theo!

Theo!

Theo, You Should Get Packed, Honey.

We Told Sondra And Elvin We Would Be There In An Hour.

Okay, Mom.

You May Be Able To Use This, Dad.

What Are You Doing?

Just Sitting Around Losing Everything.

We Have A Book Discussion Group Tonight.

How Much Have You Read?

I've Read Through The Basic Ideas.

In Our Discussion Group We Don't Just Deal With Basics.

We Get Serious.

We Talk About Character, Theme, Structure, Symbolism.

These Are Very Deep Discussions.

Okay, Well, Bring On The Deep.

I'm Ready For Deep.

What Happens When We Discuss Something

You Haven't Read?

I Will Say, "Does Anyone Want Some Coffee?"

Cliff, You're Not Going To Fool Anybody.

Everyone Will Know You're Unprepared.

This Is The First Time Men Have Been Invited.

Please Don't Embarrass Yourself.

I'm Not Going To Embarrass Myself.

I'm Going To Be So Good, Those People Are Going To Think

I'm The Greatest Thing Ever.

They Will Ask Me To Set Up An International Literary Society

With Me As The President.

When They Ask About The Vice-President

I Won't Be Naming You.

Cliff, Read The Book.

Dear...

Thank You.

Read The Book, Cliff.

Hey, Our First Overnight Guests.

I Love This Place.

It Looks Better Every Time I Come Here.

Glad You Like It.

If I Lived Here, I'd Party, Party, Party.

You Have To Walk Up So Many Stairs.

When Are You Getting An Elevator?

It's Only Five Flights.

You Get Used To It.

What If You Get Downstairs And You Forgot Something?

It Depends On Whether You Need It.

I Wouldn't Care What It Is.

I Wouldn't Come Back Up Here.

Vanessa, You've Been Very Quiet.

Is Anything Wrong?

Do You Know All Your Neighbors?

Most Of Them. Why?

When We Were Walking Past The Second Floor

This Door Opened, And I Saw This Eye Staring At Me.

I Said, "Hello" And The Door Slammed Shut.

I Kept Walking, And I Turned Around.

There Was The Eye Again.

I Could Feel Rays From It Going Through The Back Of My Skull.

That's Mrs. Harris.

She's Very Sweet.

She's Just Shy Around Strangers.

Is She Human?

Of Course.

I Wanted To Make Sure Because I Saw This Movie Once

And There Was This Old Woman Who Lived In A House Like This.

All She Did Was Stare Out Of Her Door.

Everyone Thought She Was So Sweet

Until She Got A Hatchet And Wiped Out Everybody.

Vanessa, Trust Us.

Mrs. Harris Would Never Attack Us With A Hatchet.

She'd Be Too Tired After She Walked Up

All Those Stairs.

Hi, Paula.

How Are You?

Hi, Cliff.

Sorry We're Late.

We Dropped Off The Kids.

Not Everybody's Here.

I'll Take Your Coats.

I Found A Doctor For You--

Six-Foot-Two, Brilliant, Sensitive

And Has His Own X-Ray Equipment.

Whenever I See You, You Try To Set Me Up With Somebody.

When Are You Going To Stop?

When You Get Married.

Shall I Take Him Home?

No, He Can Stay.

Well, Why Don't We Go Inside

And Get Down In Deep With The Literary Discussion?

We'll Do Our Best.

Come On In.

Hi, Everyone.

Hello.

This Is My Husband, Cliff.

This Is Deborah.

This Is Sari.

This Is Elena.

Hi, Cliff.

Nice Meeting You.

So Where Are The Men--

In The Kitchen Cooking Biscuits?

So Far You Are The Only Man Here.

What Happened To Everybody Else?

Ted Had A Family Emergency.

What Happened?

His Cousin Got Two Tickets For Tonight's Knicks Game.

Joel Stayed With The Baby.

What About Roger?

He Didn't Finish The Book.

We Don't Need To Put Up With That Deadbeat, Do We?

Let's Give Everybody A Few More Minutes To Arrive.

Cliff, Claire, Something To Drink?

Orange Juice.

I Think I Will Have The Usual Literary Drink--

A Cup Of Tea And A Slice Of Cucumber.

Coming Right Up.

Cliff, Could I Talk To You, Please?

Yeah.

I Am Sorry The Other Men Didn't Show Up.

It's Not Fair.

You Should Make An Excuse So You Can Slip Out.

No, That Wouldn't Be Right.

We Drove A Long Way, And You Have Nice Friends.

I Know, But Soon We're Going To Talk About The Book.

You Should Admit To Everyone That You Haven't Read It.

No, I Can't Do That.

I'll Do What I Said Before.

I'll Say, "Anybody Want Coffee?"

(Doorbell)

Alex, Jean, Hello.

Hi, Claire.

Hi, Cliff.

Are Jerry And Gilbert Parking The Cars?

No, Jerry Had To Work Late.

Gilbert Is Sick.

Okay.

Well, Does Anybody Want Some Coffee

Or Is It Too Early?

Isn't Making Our Own Pizzas Fun?

Mine's Ready.

A Pepperoni, Hot Dog, Mushroom

Onion, Garlic And Sardine Deluxe!

Ugh!!

Theo, You're A Pig!

Theo Can Be Anything He Wants To Be.

He's Our Guest.

Thank You, Sondra.

And May I Say To Both Of You, "Oink!"

Mine's Ready To Go.

Mine, Too.

I'm Hungry.

Let's Put Them In The Oven.

We Can't Do That.

Why Not?

We Only Have A Toaster Oven.

We Can Only Cook One At A Time.

Oh, Man. You're Kidding?!

What Am I Supposed To Do, Eat My Arm?

Come On Now, Everyone.

It Won't Hurt To Wait A Little Bit For Dinner.

I Guess You're Right.

I've Got An Idea.

While We're Waiting For The Pizza

Let's Play Charades.

You Must Be Joking.

Elvin, We're Not Middle-Aged People.

Let's Watch Tv.

Yeah, Tv.

Wouldn't You Rather Expand Your Minds?

Isn't That Why We Made Our Own Pizzas?

I'll Turn On The Television.

Elvin, There's Nothing On Channel 4 But Fuzz And Static.

We Don't Get Channel 4.

Channel 2 Works Real Well.

That's Not A Good Picture.

Everyone's Head Is Waving Around.

Yeah. There's A Big Line Down The Middle.

You Should Return It To Where You Bought It.

I Didn't Buy It.

We Found It On The Street.

It Needs A New Picture Tube

But They Stopped Making This Model 18 Years Ago.

Is My Pizza Ready?

No, Rudy, It Will Take A While.

But Elvin Had A Good Suggestion.

Let's Play Charades.

Do You Have Other Games?

I Was Going To Save This Until Later

But We Can Do It Now.

How About We Make Up Limericks?

Charades. Charades. Charades.

Charades.

Oh, Good.

This Will Be So Much Fun.

Honey, You Go First.

Sure, Okay.

Windmill!

No, Rudy.

That Means He'll Act Out A Movie Title.

Gone With The Windmill.

Try To Concentrate.

Man: You Heard Me.

I'm Going Bowling!

Woman: If You're Not HereWhen My Mother Comes

You'll Sleep On The Fire Escape!

Man: I'd Rather Freeze ThanLook At Your Mother!

Woman: You Big, Dumb Slob.

You'll Pay For That!

(Door Slamming)

Who's That?

That's Burt And Agnes. They Live Upstairs.

Do They Always Yell?

Only When They're Together.

Let's Get Back To Charades.

We Were Just Starting To Have Fun.

Go Ahead, Elvin.

Sounds Like... Sounds Like...

(Loud Folk Music)

Somebody's Blasting Their Stereo!

No, There's A Wedding Downstairs At The Greek Restaurant.

Just Talk Louder.

What?!

Talk Louder!

Okay!

I Think This Book

Dares You To Be Intimate With The Thematic Premise.

Yes, But Structurally, It Pushes You Away.

It's Different Than Last Week's Book

Although They're Both Written In Second Person.

Too Many Contemporary Novels Are Written That Way.

Second-Person Novels Are Usually More Expressive To Me.

Would You Listen To Us?

We're Leaving Cliff Out.

No, I'm Enjoying Myself.

But We Want You To Participate.

I Have Participated.

I Had Some Tea And Basil Leaf Dipped In Garlic Sauce.

I'd Like A Man's Opinion About The Book.

Well, I Thought It Was Very Well Written.

She Means The Male Perspective.

Oh, The Male Perspective?

I Really Don't Feel That You Should Look

Or Read A Book From The Male Or Female Perspective.

I Think That It Ruins The Whole Literary Outlook.

Good Point.

Good Point.

Ahem.

Absolutely.

One Shouldn't Be Limited In One's Thinking.

Cliff?

What About The Ring Motif?

The Ring Motif?

I Could Really Use Some Coffee Right Now.

Cliff, Could You Get It For Me?

Go Get It Yourself.

We're Having A Discussion.

Don't You Think It's A Good Time

For You To Have Some Coffee?

We're Having A Literary Discussion.

That's Why We Came Here.

Now What Was Your Question?

Did You Have Any Thoughts About The Ring Motif?

The Ring Motif.

The Ring Motif.

Yes, I Heard What She Said.

Well, I Thought That The Ring Symbols

Showed The Boundaries And The Limitations

That We Put On Our Lives.

Very Nice Observation.

Where Did You Feel That The Most?

Where Did I Feel It The Most?

Yes, Cliff, Where Did You Feel It The Most?

I Felt It The Most...

Um... In The Areas

Of The, Uh, Water Wheel And... And The Circus.

And Then

Not As Obvious As The Others

In The Description Of The Silo.

The Silo.

I Didn't Think Of That.

Well, You See, It's Not That Obvious.

And One That Was Really Almost Buried, I Felt

Was The Wine Barrel.

The Wine Barrel?

The Wine Barrel

On Page 296.

I Think It's The Second Paragraph, 296.

You Read This Whole Book.

Isn't That The Whole Idea Of This Meeting?

Cliff, I Want To Hear More.

I Felt That The Book Made A Rather Bold Statement

In The Congresswoman And Her Relationship With Arthur.

That Fascinated Me.

What Did You Think?

I Felt The Author Seemed To Be Saying

That A Woman Can Be Equal To A Man

But At The Same Time

Can Fulfill A Subconscious Need To Be Rescued.

And So

What I Felt About...

Ow!

Did You Say That A Woman Has

"A Subconscious Need To Be Rescued"?

Rescued.

I Said "Rescued."

(Groaning)

Well, Attended, Then.

Attended...

Well, Liberated, Then.

We Got Liberated And Equal.

There You Go.

Cliff, That's Worse.

Worse?

Yes.

Ahhh...

Oh, Well, You Know...

It's Like Women And Other People.

There's Only Two Kinds Of People--

Men And Women.

Okay...

Well, There's Children.

Cliff, You're Not Comparing Women To Children, Are You?

Don't You Want Some Coffee?

No, I Think We're Much More Interested

In What You Have To Say.

I Know I Am.

What Did You Mean By "Rescued"?

What I'm Saying Is That Women...

Mm-Hmm? Mm-Hmm? Mm-Hmm? Mm-Hmm?

...And Men Need To Be Rescued.

I Need To Be Rescued Right Now.

But I Need To Be Rescued By A Big, Strong Woman...

Obviously, Because The One Who Is Sitting Beside Me Now

Is Not Helping.

(Soft Jazz)

I Still Can't Believe You Faked Me Out Like That.

Ha Ha Ha!

That Will Teach You To Doubt My Intellectual Prowess.

I Was Impressed With Some Of Your Thoughts On The Book.

Are You Saying That You Are In Love With My Mind?

That's Exactly What I'm Saying.

In Fact, At This Moment, I Am Quite Attracted To It.

Whew!

Would You Like To Have More Of My Mind?

Yes.

I Feel That The Thematic Premise Of Our Relationship

Is Filled With Metaphoric Ironies.

Kiss Me, You Literary Fool!

Oh, What A Night!

Why Are You Here?

They Didn't Have A Great Time At Our Apartment.

You Can Say That Again.

Is It Okay If We Turn The Music Off?

Go Ahead.

We Were Sitting In Here Sharing Each Other's Minds.

You All Get Back Over To Elvin's.

Please Let Us Stay.

We Love It Here.

Okay, What Happened?

You Couldn't Hear Yourself Think.

People Were Yelling, A Band Was Playing.

Then That Thing Moved In The Corner.

What Thing?

Vanessa Swears She Saw Something Move.

I Did!

It Was Alive And Had Legs.

It's All Her Imagination.

It Was Not, I Saw It.

The Apartment Got Cold, So We Turned The Heat On.

It Got Hotter And Hotter.

I Opened The Window.

This Bag On The Sill Blew Over Near Vanessa's Head.

Vanessa Started To Scream

And Woke Up The Whole Neighborhood.

Then Vanessa

Swore She Saw A Woman Coming Down The Hallway

With A Hatchet.

Vanessa, Take Your Sister Upstairs And Put Her To Bed.

Thank You.

Good Night.

Theo: Don't Let That Hatchet Woman Get You.

Popcorn Looks Good, Dad.

Are You Guys Watching An Old Movie?

Having A Chat?

What Are You Doing?

Oh...

Should I Leave?

No, You Stay.

We'll Leave.

Good Night.

Elvin: Good Night.

Dad, How Was The Meeting Tonight?

Good Night, Dad.

Elvin, Help Yourself To Some Popcorn--

Popped In A Brand-New Hot-Air Popper

Bought In A Store.

It's Very Tasty.

Elvin, Listen.

No Burt And No Agnes.

Life Without The Loudmouths.

Check This Out.

No Waving Head.

Clear Channel.

You Got It.

Color, Too.

I Forgot They Invented That.

Even Though I Don't Have A Lot Right Now

I'm Sure Sondra Loves Me More Than Anything In The World.

Why Do You Say That?

She'd Have To To Give Up All This.