Original subtitles

Ladies And Gentlemen

Lovers Of Magic

And Prestidigitation

I Present For Your Enjoyment That Mistress Of Illusion

That Madame Of Mystery

That Lady Of Legerdemain-- The Great Rudini!

Thank You, Ladies And Gentlemen.

And Thank You, My Loyal Assistant, Mommina.

Are You Ready To Perform Feats Of Magic, O Great Rudini?

Yes, I'm Ready.

I Hold In My Hand An Ordinary Drinking Glass.

Please

Hold Your Applause Until The End.

My Assistant Will Pour Milk Into The Glass.

Mommina, The Milk.

Ladies And Gentlemen, Isn't She Beautiful?

Are You Going To Drink The Milk, O Great Rudini?

No, I'm Going To Make It Disappear.

Impossible.

You Shall See, Doubtful One.

I Shall Now Say The Magic Words.

Abracadabra, Hocus Pocus, Make This Milk Go Out Of Focus.

Wait!

There Is More.

Really?

What Has Happened To The Milk, O Great Rudini?

The Milk Has Become A Beautiful Silk Scarf.

Fantastic! Fantastic!

How Did You Do That?

I Cannot Reveal My Secrets To Mere Mortals.

I'm Sorry.

The Mere Mortal Apologizes.

Would You Go Off To Your Magic Room?

Thank You And Good Night.

You Were A Terrific Audience.

Isn't She Something?

That's Not Bad.

How Did She Do That?

As The Magician's Assistant, I'm Sworn To Secrecy.

How Did She Do It?

I'm Serious.

I Promised Her I'd Never Tell.

Okay, I'll Find Out Somehow.

Hey, Dad. Hey, Mom.

Son, Before You Go Out, Let Me Know

Because You And I Have Some Detective Work To Do.

Sure.

Did I Get Any Phone Calls?

There's Some Messages For You

On That Pad.

Denny, Smitty And Lyle.

Theo, Wait.

Lyle Didn't Call For You.

What?

He Called For Vanessa.

Why Did He Call Vanessa?

He Asked Her To A Movie.

You Gave Vanessa Permission To Go Out With Lyle Thompson?

They're Going To An Early Show.

But You Don't Even Know The Guy.

He's Your Friend.

He's Been Here A Million Times.

Where's Vanessa?

In Her Room.

Okay, Thanks.

The Glass Has A False Bottom.

Nope.

She Didn't Have Tubes Running Up Her Arm?

Not Even Close.

You're Never Going To Get This.

Then Tell Me.

Oh, No.

I'm Going Down To The Magic Shop

And Then I'll Make You Disappear.

Then I'm Going To Make Her Disappear.

I'll Make Everybody Disappear

If I Don't Find Out How That Trick Works.

People Will Ask

"What Happened To His Family?"

"He Put Them In A Glass

And They Disappeared."

The Milk Has Become A Beautiful Silk Scarf.

Wow!

How Did You Do That?

I Cannot Reveal My Secrets.

Vanessa, I Need To Talk To You.

Who Dares Interrupt The Great Rudini?

This Will Only Take A Minute.

Okay.

I Hear You're Going On A Date With Lyle Thompson.

He Asked Me To Go To A Movie With Him.

I Don't Think It's A Good Idea.

Why Not?

A Lot Of Reasons.

Like What?

First, He's A Junior And You're A Freshman.

He's Two Years Older!

So What?

Dad Is Four Years Older Than Mom.

Yeah, But They're Old.

It Doesn't Matter To Them Anymore.

Age Doesn't Matter To Me, Either.

Women Live An Average Of Five Years Longer Than Men.

You're Involved With A Guy Who Will Die Way Before You.

What Am I Supposed To Do-- Date Someone Rudy's Age?

You Can Ask Out Bud.

I Didn't Want To Talk About This

But There Are Other Reasons You Shouldn't Go Out With Lyle.

He's Got Experience.

Experience In What?

If You Don't Know

That's Another Reason You Shouldn't Go Out With Him.

I Think Lyle's Nice, So I'm Going Out With Him.

Believe Me, You Should Not Go Out With Him.

I'm Only Saying This Because I Care.

You Never Seemed To Care About Me Before.

Okay, I Tried To Be Sensible.

I Tried To Be Understanding.

Now, I Have To Pull Rank.

As Your Older Brother, I Forbid You To See Lyle.

You Forbid Me?

I Didn't Know An Older Brother Could Do That.

Well, I Can.

Get Out Of Here.

Only Mom Or Dad Can Forbid Something.

But I'm Responsible For Things That Slide By Them.

If Mom And Dad Make A Mistake In Judgment, I Step In.

I'm Sorry, Theo.

I Am Going Out

With Lyle Thompson.

Okay, Vanessa.

But I'm Warning You.

You Could End Up A Shattered Woman Laying In A Gutter Saying

"I Should Have Listened To Theo, But Now It's Too Late."

Poof! He's Gone.

Thank You.

Man, I Just Love Dodge Ball.

They Should Put It In The Olympics.

Hey, Guys.

What's Up?

Lyle, Lover Boy.

How About A Report?

A Report?

Yeah.

How Was Your Date With Vanessa?

Give Us Details.

Hurry Up, Huxtable's In The Shower.

I Have Nothing To Tell.

Nothing Happened Between You And Vanessa?

No, I'm Not Saying That.

So, Something Did Happen?

Maybe.

You Know Something?

This Man Got Nowhere.

Yeah?

Yeah.

When Vanessa Went Out With Me, She Was A Freshman.

Now, She's Ready For Graduation.

Everyone: All Right.

Man, They Ought To Fix Those Showers.

Nothing Comes Out But Cold Water.

Lyle, You Better Get In There.

You Could Use A Cold Shower.

What's That Supposed To Mean?

Nothing, Lyle's Just Overheated.

What Did You Tell These Guys?

About What?

You Were Talking About Vanessa.

I Said I Had A Good Time.

Did He Ever.

Tell Them What Happened.

My Dad Drove You And Vanessa To The Theater

And When The Movie Ended, Drove You Straight Home.

Who Knows What Vanessa's Like In A Movie Theater

When Her Dad's Not Around.

Straighten These Guys Out.

Tell Them Nothing Happened.

What Goes On Between Me And Vanessa

Is Our Business.

He's Right.

You Have To Respect His Privacy.

I Don't Have To Tell You

About Any Date With Vanessa.

Oooh.

There's Not Going To Be Another Date With Vanessa.

Understand?

I'm Taking Her To The Library.

What For?

There's Nothing Left For Her To Study.

(Guffaws)

You Guys Are Slime.

You Need To Be Put Away.

I'm Sick And Tired

Of Seeing Your Faces.

Abracadabra, Hocus-Pocus, Make This Water Go Out Of Focus.

Well, Look At That.

It Seems That Your Father

Has Spilled Some Water.

I See That.

How Do You Suppose That Happened?

Maybe He Tried To Drink It

And Missed His Mouth.

No, You Made So Much Noise

You Sounded Like Horses Coming Down The Stairs.

You Frightened Me.

Dad, You Were Trying To Do My Trick, Weren't You?

The Trick Can Only Be Done

By The Great Rudini.

Hah, Hah, Hah.

Mom, Dad, We've Got To Talk.

Okay.

What's Up?

I Think You Made A Mistake

Letting Vanessa Go Out With Lyle.

He Chases Women.

Really?

Yes.

I've Presented Lyle As A Good Guy.

I Never Told You What He Says In The Locker Room About Women

After He Catches Them.

What Does He Say?

You Know.

I Know?

See, Lyle Has Had These Experiences.

What Kind Of Experiences?

The Kind You Can't Talk About

In Front Of Your Mother.

Will You Say What You Have To Say?

Mom, Dad, Lyle Thompson

Is Going To Lead Your Daughter Down The Road To Degradation.

Little Lyle?

The Boy Who Cried

When His Mom Was Late Picking Him Up From Your Birthday Party?

That Was Eight Years Ago.

He's A Man Now.

The Guy Knows What He's Doing.

He Even Joined The Latin Club.

And That Makes Him A Man?

Don't You See?

The Latin Club Is Mostly Girls.

That's Why He Joined.

He's Always On The Prowl.

Now He's Prowling After Your Daughter.

We Shouldn't Let Vanessa Go Out With Him?

Not If You're Worried About The Reputation Of Your Daughter

And The Family Name.

If You Let Vanessa Go Out With Lyle

It Could Hurt You Professionally.

Thank You Very Much, Son, For Your Viewpoint.

But I Want You To Know

We Raised Two Older Daughters Prior To This One.

You Aren't Going To Stop Vanessa From Going Out With Lyle?

No, We Know Our Daughters.

They'll Do The Right Thing.

Okay.

I Have One Thing To Say:

This Is A Sad Day For The Huxtable Family.

Cliff?

Huh?

What Do Guys Talk About In The Locker Room?

The Usual Things, Dear.

Um... Recipes...

Different Kinds Of Hair Spray, Nail Polish.

You Talked About Women In The Locker Room, Didn't You?

Mm-Hmm.

After A Date, What Did You Say?

I Told Them

"She's Intelligent, She's Beautiful

"She's Sensitive, And She's My Equal

And If Clair Ever Finds Out, She'll Kill Me."

So, Tell Me.

What Happened When You And Lyle Got To The Movies?

Well, Dad Let Us Out.

We Went In, And Lyle Bought The Tickets.

I Offered To Buy My Ticket

But He Said, "No, You Can Buy The Popcorn."

I Hope You Bought A Large Tub So You Could Share.

Of Course.

Lyle Was Such A Gentleman.

He Put My Seat Down, And There Was Popcorn In It.

He Brushed It Off.

Oooh.

The Lights Went Out, And The Movie Started.

We Watched Awhile, And Then It Happened.

What Happened?

We Reached Into The Popcorn Box At The Same Time.

(Squealing)

And Our Hands Touched.

We Sat There Watching The Rest Of The Movie

With Our Hands In The Popcorn Box.

That Is So Romantic.

Then Dad Drove Us Home.

Lyle And I Sat In The Back Seat.

Dad Watched Us Through The Rear-View Mirror.

(Knocking)

Hey, Theo.

Hey, Janet.

Vanessa, Remember Yesterday

When I Tried To Forbid You To See Lyle?

Yes.

I Was Wrong, And I Apologize.

Apology Accepted.

But I Want You To Know One Thing.

Your Name Is Being Dragged Through The Mud.

By Whom?

You Know How Guys Talk.

Do You Realize

What This Is Doing

To Your Reputation, And Mine?

How Could This Affect Your Reputation?

If Guys Talk About You And Lyle, That Reflects On Me

Because I'm Your Brother.

You're Not Worried About Me.

You're Worried About Yourself.

I'm Popular At School.

I'm A Senior.

I Don't Want To Go Down In Flames With You.

Then I'd Better Tell You

What We Are Doing This Afternoon.

What?

We're Not Really Going To The Library.

We're Going To A Motel.

And After Today, I'm Going To Dump Lyle

And Start Dating All Your Friends.

And After She's Done, I'm Going To Date Them.

You Guys Think This Is Funny, Huh?

Yes. Yes.

All Right.

I've Tried To Appeal To Your Sense Of Decency.

You Scoffed At Me.

Now I Really Forbid You.

Did You Hear Him?

"You Scoffed At Me."

You Sound Like An Old Person.

I Don't Care.

If You Want To Go Out With Lyle

You Have To Get Past Me.

Theo, Get Out.

Vanessa, I'm Serious.

Come On, Theo, Move.

Don't Even Try.

You're Not Getting Past Me.

Move.

Vanessa...

Ouch.

Hey, Hey, Stop That.

Dad, Get Them Off Before I Hurt Them.

Stop It!

Dad, Let Me Tell You

What's Going On.

I Don't Want To Know.

Dad, You're A Father.

You're Supposed To Ask What's Wrong

And Solve Our Problem.

It Doesn't Work That Way Today, Okay?

I'm Tired. Good-Bye.

All Right, I'm Leaving.

But Next Time, I'm Not Going To Be So Easy On You.

(Squealing)

(Doorbell Ringing)

Oh, It's You.

Would You Tell Vanessa I'm Here?

You Might As Well Come In.

Everything Else Went Wrong.

Vanessa

Your Date Is Here.

Be Right Down.

Don't Try Anything With Vanessa.

She's Tough.

Why Would I?

I Really Like Your Sister.

I Heard You Guys Laughing Today.

You Must Have Said Something About Her.

I Did, But Nothing Different Than What I Usually Say.

If You Said Your "Usual" About My Sister, You Were Lying.

What Was I Supposed To Do?

If I Told The Truth--

That I Opened The Door For Her, That We Held Hands

That I Didn't Even Kiss Her--

They Would Have Called Me A Wimp.

That Was My Sister You Were Talking About.

I Know.

What If It Wasn't Your Sister, And I Told You The True Story?

What Would You Say?

I'd Say You're A Wimp.

You Talk About Girls A Lot.

Don't You Bend The Truth A Little?

No, I Stand By Everything I've Ever Said.

What About Lana?

You Said You Were With Her In Your Bedroom.

Absolutely True.

You Said You Were Feeling Weak Because Of What Happened

In That Bedroom.

I Never Told You, But I Ran Into Lana The Next Day.

You Did?

Yeah.

And She Mentioned That You Had The Flu.

She Said Your Mom Was There The Whole Time

And They Fed You Soup And Helped You With A Jigsaw Puzzle.

So? I Didn't Lie.

I Said I Was Weak From Being In My Room All Day.

Face It, Theo, You're A Wimp.

I Know, But You Are, Too.

Hi, Lyle.

Hi, Lyle.

Hey, Janet.

Hi, Vanessa.

These Are For You.

Oh, Thank You.

They're Beautiful.

Could You Put These In Water?

Sure.

Well, I Guess We Should Go.

I Guess So.

I'm Ready.

Bye, Janet. Bye, Theo.

Bye.

See Y'all Later.

Now That One Of Your Friends Is Going With Vanessa

Maybe You'd Be Interested

In Going With One Of Her Friends.

She's About My Size

With The Same Color Eyes As Mine.

I Would, But I'm Afraid

You Girls Would Talk Behind My Back.

We Wouldn't Say Anything Guys Wouldn't.

Then We're Never Going Out.

How's That Ice Cream?

Good. Chocolate's My Favorite.

Yes, I Know.

Would You Like Some More?

More Hot Fudge?

No, Thanks.

What About Some... Some Chopped Nuts?

Just A Sprinkle.

Chopped Nuts Coming Up.

♪ Good Old Chopped Nuts ♪

Thank You.

All Right.

You Know, I Was

Really Amazed At How You Were Doing All That Magic.

But I Think

A Magician Is Only As Good As His Or Her Assistant.

Is That So?

Yes.

I Have Nothing Against Mommina.

But You Need Someone

Who Can Give You That Flair... That Ta-Da!

Someone Who Can Divert The Audience's Attention

So That You Can Do Your Thing.

Who Do You Know

That Can Do That?

Mom Told Me You Wanted To Be My Assistant.

Really?

She Said It Was All Right.

Good, In Order To Make This A Crack Duo

I Will Have To Know

How The Trick Works With The Glass And Milk.

I Don't Do That Trick Anymore.

I'm Learning A New Trick.

But You Can Help Me.

What Is It?

Sawing My Assistant In Half.

No, No, You're Not Sawing Me In Half.

Okay, Then Help Me With The Disappearing Caterpillars.

Disappearing Caterpillars? How's That Work?

First, My Assistant Has To Take The Caterpillars Out Of This.

Okay, We Got The Caterpillars Here.

So Then I Just...

♪ Da-Da, Da-Dum Da-Dum Da-Da ♪

♪ Voom Da-Deedley Za Vo Vam ♪

♪ Zaka Duka Bam ♪