Original subtitles

Okay.

58 Inches.

All Right, 58.

That's All The Measurements I Need For The Bookshelves.

I'll Add The Numbers.

No, I'll Do It.

Thanks.

12 + 1 = 13, + 8 = 21.

Put Down The 1, Carry The 2...

"Carry The 2"?

Yeah.

Unbelievable! You Carried The 2.

What's Wrong With That?

Dad, That's Old Math.

There's A Better Way To Do This.

What Is That?

The Base Method.

It's New Math.

Base Method?

Every Foot Is 12 Inches.

You're Kidding!

I Haven't Made My Point Yet.

Okay, I'm Sorry.

Every Foot Is 12 Inches.

We'll Use A Base 12.

That Means

12 Represents One Unit.

The Numbers You Add Aren't Actually Numbers

But Parts Of A Unit.

It's Much Quicker.

Thank You, But I Only Have Five Numbers.

I'll Just Use The Old Method.

Dad, You Should Learn The New Math.

When We Started New Math

Janet Meiser's Father Studied It In Night School.

Janet Meiser's Father Is A Wimp.

Any Time You Want To Challenge The Old Versus The New

Just Let Me Know.

Do I Hear A Challenge?

You Can Hear Whatever You Want To Hear, My Dear.

You Won't Yell When I Add Faster?

I Will Not Have To Yell

Because I'll Be Finished.

Okay.

Let's Add The Following Numbers:

42...

No, No!

I'll Give The Numbers.

Okay.

You Ready?

Mm-Hmm.

17, 29, 43, 7, 66, 82.

(Ciphering To Himself)

244.

Yeah.

That's What I...

I Was Just Checking.

No, I Did...

Ahhh...

I Got It First.

I Was Just Checking.

See How Slow Your Way Is?

Want To Check Ways?

Wait Till They Read My Will

And Then You Base Method 0 X 0, Carry The 0.

Hi, Theo.

Hey, Mom.

I Discovered Something Very Interesting.

My Hairdresser, Antoine

Does The Hair For The Producer Of Dance Mania.

Dance Mania?

Mm-Hmm.

The Kids That Dance On That Show Are The Best.

Yeah, He Said It's Popular.

It Is.

One Time, Cockroach And I Went To Get Tickets.

They Had A Two-Year Waiting List.

That's Terrible.

Yeah.

That Reminds Me.

As I Was Leaving, He Gave Me These.

Do You Know Anybody Who'd Be Interested?

Mom!

Mom, Mom, Mom...

Are These Two Tickets To Dance Mania?

Uh-Huh.

Mom, These Are Two Tickets To Dance Mania.

(Yelling)

Mom, If You And Dad Ever Go Broke

You Can Come To Me For Anything.

Thank You, Theo.

Cockroach Is Coming Over.

He'll Go Nuts When He Sees These.

I'm Leaving Before He Can Thank Me.

♪Dance Mania!♪

(Doorbell)

What's Up, Cockroach?

Theo.

Cockroach, Look At Me.

What Do You See?

I See Theo.

What You See Is Your Best Friend.

Here.

What Are These?

Nothing But Two Tickets To Dance Mania.

The Television Show?

That's Right.

We'll Be Dancers On Dance Mania.

They Tape The Show Saturday.

You Could Ask Anyone. Why Me?

Cockroach, You're My Best Friend.

I'm... I'm Touched, Really.

Hey!

It's All Right.

We've Got To Make The Most Of This Opportunity.

This Is Our Chance To Become Immortal.

After We Do This

We Can Walk Up To Any Girl And Say:

"Do You Know Who We Are?

We're The Guys From Dance Mania."

No, We Won't Even Have To Say It.

They'll Know It.

They'll Point At Us And Say, "It's Them!"

We'll Go, "You're Right."

We'll Be The Best Dancers In The History Of That Show.

We've Got To Practice Our Moves.

Do You Think There's A Chance

We Might Get To Dance With...

Tina! Tina!

Ooh! Ooh!

Tina Hunter.

We'll Be Dancing In The Same Room With Her.

And Breathing The Same Air.

(Chanting)Tina! Tina! Tina! Tina! Tina!

7 And...

Hi.

Hey.

I Just Talked With Vanessa.

She Says Everything Is Going Very Well Down Here.

Yes, Indeed.

What's That?

Vanessa Used New Math To Get These Measurements.

I'm Figuring Out How She Did It.

Let Me See.

Oh, She Used Base 12.

You Know About This?

Mm-Hmm.

I Learned When Denise Took It.

How Come Nobody Told Me About This?

You Know How Some People Are.

You Try To Teach Them Something.

They Get An Incorrect Answer And Say Stuff Like:

"I Was About To Do That."

Or, "If You Were A Better Teacher

I'd Have Gotten It."

You Know-- Pitiful Excuses Like That.

I Don't Know Anyone Like That.

Here's Your Juice, Dad.

Thank You, Dear.

Vanessa, How Would You Like To Teach Your Father New Math?

You Want Me To Teach Dad Something?

What's The Matter With You People?

I'll Do It, Dad

If Mom Stays Here With Me.

No, I'm Out Of This.

How About Rudy?

If He Gives You Trouble

Send Him Upstairs To The Principal.

Okay.

Class, Let's Begin.

Okay.

Dad, Since I'm Your Teacher

It Would Help Me Get Into It

If You Call Me Miss Huxtable.

Whoa!

Check It Out.

Food, Drinks...

And Tremendous-Looking Women.

Cockroach, I Think I've Found Out

What Heaven Looks Like.

Be Cool.

Hi, There.

Nice Outfit.

Man, This Is What Life's All About.

You Know It.

Don't Eat Anything!

We Have To Stay Light On Our Feet.

Good Thinking.

I'll Have Diet Soda.

Okay, Everyone, Line Up.

I Have To Choose Dancers For Our Second Batch.

When We're Inside

Move Toward The Front Of The Dance Line

So We're On Camera.

I'll Be There.

Cockroach, She's Here.

Tina. Who?

Excuse Me.

Excuse Me.

I Have To Get Through.

She Spoke To Me.

All Right.

Let's See...

You, You...

And You.

I'm Sorry, Ladies And Gentlemen

That's All For Today.

Thanks For Coming.

What?!

He Can't Do That!

Excuse Us.

Let Us In.

We've Reached Our Limit.

But We Have Tickets.

All These People Do.

The Number Of Dancers

Is Limited Because Of Fire Laws.

We're Not Going To Start Fires.

We Don't Even Smoke.

Rules Are Rules.

We Have Connections.

His Mom's Hairdresser Knows The Producer.

I'm Just Doing My Job.

But Look At These Outfits.

And We Have Moves.

Theo, Show Him.

Excuse Me.

Yes.

Uh-Huh.

Right.

Good News.

All Right!

I Have Room

For One More Dancer.

One?

No Way.

We're A Team.

Yeah, We're Together.

I'm Sorry.

I'm Already Making A Concession.

Only One.

Who Will It Be?

Cockroach, You Go.

No, You Should Go.

No, Go Ahead.

You Got The Tickets.

Guys, I've Got To Get Inside.

Make A Decision.

Cockroach, Go Ahead.

Okay.

See You.

(Television Audio, Dance Music)

Female Vocalists: ♪Dance Mania♪

♪Dance Mania♪

Announcer: From New York, The Big Apple, Fun City...

It's Dance Mania!

(Dance Music)

(Dancers Whooping And Shouting)

♪Dance Mania♪

♪Dance Mania♪

(Chatter)

Hey, Theo...

Cockroach!

Hey!

The New Tv Stars!

Everybody's Going To Watch Dance Mania Tonight.

I Invited My Girlfriends Over To Watch.

Can We Come Over, Too?

Sure, I Guess So.

All Right, Party At Darlene's.

Can You Both Come?

Yeah, We'll Be There.

Tell Me, What Was It Like?

Were You Nervous?

I Didn't Get On.

Oh, That's Terrible.

Tragic.

Cockroach Did.

Yeah.

For Sure?

Definitely.

Group: All Right!

Unbelievable!

Hey, Did You See Tina?

See Her? I Danced With Her.

You Did?

Oh, I Don't Believe It!

Your Reputation Is Set For Life.

I'd Pay $1 Million To Be You For One Day.

Listen...

I'll Tell You Something.

I Got On The Show Because Of Theo.

They Only Had Room For One More Dancer

And He Insisted I Go Into The Studio.

That's Nice.

All Right, Tell Us...

What Was Tina Like?

Don't Leave Anything Out.

She's Sweet, Has A Great Personality.

Time's Up.

Let Me Finish This Last One.

The Time Keeper Said Time's Up.

Stupid Rule.

Now, Let's See How You Did.

Gee, Dad, You Didn't Even Finish It.

Because Your Watch Is Fast.

Dad, You Only Got Seven Correct Out Of Ten.

That's A C-Minus.

It's Passing.

But It's Below Average.

Are You Satisfied With Being Below Average?

Yes.

I Think You Should Take This Test Again.

And We Won't Time You.

Now, The New Math Is Very Tricky.

It Takes Patience, But I Know You Can Do It.

You're Really A Very Smart Person.

I Agree.

(Television Audio, Old West Music)

Theo!

What?

Change The Channel.

I'm Watching A Movie.

Dance Maniai S Coming On.

Change It.

Rudy, Rudy!

Look What You Did.

You Turned The Tv Off.

You Can't Tell Me To Change The Channel.

I Was Here First.

We Want To See Cockroach!

There's A Tv Upstairs.

We Want To Watch It Here.

I'm Not Moving.

You Know What Your Problem Is?

You Two Are The Most Inconsiderate People

I've Ever Known.

All You Do Is Think About Me, Me, Me.

You're Disgusting.

I Thought You'd Want To See Cockroach On Dance Mania.

I Saw It When They Taped It.

It's Silly.

If You Want To Waste Your Time

Be My Guest.

Well, I Will!

Vanessa, You Know Something?

You're A Jerk.

You're A Bigger Jerk!

(Laughing)

Rudy, I've Told You Not To Leave Toys Laying Around.

It's Very Dangerous.

Toys On The Floor

Is The Top Cause Of American Household Injuries.

Who Told You That?

It's A Fact, Okay?

Okay!

It's No Fact, Jerk.

It's Not Enough You Try To Kill Me With This Toy

But You Insult Me, Too.

You Should Watch Your Step.

Oh, Yeah?

You Should Watch Where This Is Going.

Theo!

There.

You Happy?

(Screeching Car Brakes)

(Faint Ringing)

Mom!

Now You're Going To Get It, You Maniac!

Maniac?

I'll Throw You Out There, Too.

Theo's Trying To Kill Us!

What's Going On Out Here?

Theo Threw My Phone Out, And It Got Crushed.

Now He's Threatening Us!

I'm Sitting Here Trying To Watch Tv

And They Start Harassing Me.

Hey, I'm Trying To Take A Math Test.

Go Get Rudy's Phone.

I Don't Want Any More Trouble.

Dance Mania's Starting.

Yay!

Ohh!

All Right!

Walter's Mother Is Very Excited.

Yes, Indeed!

Dance Mania.

Tina-- My Woman!

Look! There's Cockroach!

(Cheering)

He's Dancing With Tina, That Lucky Dog!

I Can't Hear With Everybody Talking.

Shhh!

Don't Tell Me To "Shhh."

I'll Talk When I Want.

Theo, Stop It Now.

Dad, I Was Watching A Movie.

You Let Rudy And Vanessa Come Down And Have Their Way.

They Always Have Their Way.

I Never Have My Way!

Dad, I Almost Break My Neck

On Rudy's Phone

And Now I'm The One Suffering For It.

Go Close The Door.

Fine.

You Know, I'll Just Go In The Kitchen.

I Don't Need To Look At Some Idiot Box

To Have A Good Time.

All Right, Cockroach!

Good Move!

Yeah!

Theo, I Get The Feeling That Something's Troubling You.

I'd Like To Help You Out, But You've Got To Help Me.

Who Or What Has Upset You?

Is It Me?

Your Dad?

Rudy's Toy Phone?

The People At Dance Mania?

Cockroach?

Mom, Can't I Be Upset

Without Knowing What I'm Upset About?

Could It Be You're Upset Because Cockroach Is On Tv With Tina

And You're Here With A Bag Of Pretzels?

That Has Something To Do With It.

Why Did He Get On And You Didn't?

The Stage Manager Said They Could Take One More Person.

I Said, "Cockroach, You Go."

Cockroach Said, "You Got The Tickets So You Go."

Why Didn't You Go?

That Wasn't Supposed To Be The End Of Our Conversation.

I Was Going To Say

"I Know I Got The Tickets, But You Go."

Then Cockroach Was Supposed To Say, "No, Theo, You Go."

Then I Was Going To Say Okay.

But Cockroach Said Okay First

And Before I Know It, He's Dancing With Tina.

So What You Wanted Was For You To Be Dancing

And Cockroach To Be Watching.

That's How It Would Have Been

If Cockroach Wasn't Selfish.

So, You're Upset With Cockroach.

Yeah!

Why Take It Out On Us?

Because Cockroach Doesn't Live Here.

You Shouldn't Be Upset With Cockroach, Either.

He Aced Me Out Of A Great Opportunity.

You Aced Yourself Out.

You Took The Gamble That On The Third Time

Cockroach Would Say, "No, Man, You Go On."

That Didn't Happen. You Lost.

You Should Have Been Honest With Cockroach And Said:

"Yo, Bro, Out Of My Way."

"My Woman Tina Is Waiting For Me, Her Destiny."

Then There Wouldn't Have Been Any Gamble.

I Don't Think I Would Have Felt Right Saying That.

That's How You Felt.

Now You're Angry Because You Didn't Say That.

If You Want To Be Angry, Be Angry With Yourself.

Don't Take It Out On Us.

We'll Get Angry Back.

Fine, I'll Be Cool.

Thank You.

Next Time You Give Somebody Something

Do It Because You Want To.

Don't Expect Anything In Return.

Mom?

Yes?

"Yo, Bro"?

(Dance Music)