Original subtitles

Make Way For The Champion Squash.

I Haven't Won Any Championship Yet.

We'll Know Today After The Squash Contest

Who The Champion Is.

Just A Matter Of Time

Before They Give You The Blue Ribbon.

It Is A Fine-Looking Squash

But That Doesn't Mean It Will Be The Best.

On The Evening News

They Will Say:

"Here Is Mrs. Clair Huxtable

"Beautiful Mother Of Five Children.

"We're Here Live At The Eastland Mall

"Where The Winner Of The Squash Contest

Will Receive The Blue Ribbon."

Then Hollywood Will Call

And You'll Have Your Own Tv Show:

"Let's Talk Squash."

People Will Be Driving Cars

That Are Designed To Look Like Squash.

They'll Be Listening To The Hit Record

"Squash Me, Baby"--

Number One Tune In The World.

♪ Squash Me, Baby ♪

♪ Downtown, All Night Long ♪

You Are A Disturbed Man.

I Don't Want To Become Famous.

I Just Want People To See My Squash.

I Have To Go Turn Over The Soil.

Turn Over The Soil, Baby.

Turn It Over All Night Long.

I Will Sit Here And Guard This National Treasure.

Hello There, Squash.

I Remember You

When You Were Just A Glimmer In My Wife's Eyes.

Hey, Mom's Squash.

Yes.

When Are We Leaving For The Mall?

About A Half Hour From Now.

I Better Check The Movie Schedule.

I'll Pass On The Movie.

I Want To Look At New Clothes.

I Want To Buy New Toys.

No, We're Not Going To The Mall For Shopping.

We Are Going There To Support Your Mother

In The Squash Contest.

Dad, Don't Do This To Us.

Don't Do What To Us?

Make Us Go To The Squash Contest.

Saturday Is Our Only Day Of Fun.

We Don't Want To Look At Vegetables.

To People Who Are Ingrates, It Is A Vegetable.

The Squash Has Spent Its Lifetime Alone In The Back Yard.

I Don't Think Now It Wants Us Standing Around Staring At It.

First Of All, We're Talking About Support.

Do You Remember The Recital When You Played The Clarinet?

That Wonderful Clarinet...

Where You Broke Three, Four Reeds

Playing Notes Backwards.

Your Mother Stood Up And Clapped For You

Like You Were... Good.

And, Sir...

May I Bother You To Tell You

About The Shakespearean Play You Were In

Whereupon You Had The Lead Part

And Forgot Every Word.

Walked Around The Stage Saying, "Forsooth, Forsooth."

Your Mother Stood Up At The End Of That Play, And Said:

"That's My Baby!"

Mom Came To My Dance Recital

But I Was Good.

No, You Weren't, Dear.

You Guys Are Going To This Mall

And You're Going To Root For Mom's Squash.

Dad, Can I Ask You Something?

Go Ahead.

Do We Have To Eat The Squash For Dinner?

If Mom Wins

They'll Keep The Squash On Display For A Month.

And Then

Maybe A World Tour.

If It Wins, We Don't Eat It?

Go, Squash, Go!

Go, Squash, Go!

Go, Squash, Go!

Well... Here We Are.

Wow!

So This Is The Squash Show.

This Is More Exciting Than I Thought It Would Be.

Me, Too.

Mom, I'm Very Proud That This Squash

Is Representing The Huxtable Name.

Aren't The Children Supportive, Dear?

Your Father Put You Up To This, Didn't He?

Yeah.

Why Would You Say Something Like That?

You Told Us To Always Tell The Truth.

I Didn't Tell You To Tell The Truth At The Wrong Time.

Mom, I Got To Be Honest.

I Can't Get Excited About A Roomful Of Squash.

Can We Cruise The Mall?

Please?

Cliff, It Wouldn't Hurt To Cut Them Loose.

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Back Here In A Half Hour.

Take Your Little Sister.

Rudy?

Yes, You Remember Her.

She Lives In The House With Us.

Yeah, I Want To Cruise, Too.

But She's Going To Slow Us Up.

We Want To Have Some Fun.

Do You Want To Cruise With Your Little Sister

Or Watch Squash?

Okay, Rudy, Come With Us.

Thank You Very Much.

I'd Love To Join You.

Clair, I'm Telling You, You've Got It!

I'm Looking At This Other Squash--

It's Pitiful!

It Would Be Nice

To Have My Squash Acknowledged.

Now You're Thinking.

I'll Go Over

And See What My Man Has Under This Cover.

You Want To Look At My Squash, Don't You?

I Was Wondering

Why You Had It Covered With A Sheet.

Well, Protection.

My Squash Is Very Sensitive.

When I Was Growing It

I Awakened It Every Morning With Some Cool Jazz Licks.

♪ Ba Dup Bop Deedly Do Wha Da! ♪

So, Your Squash Likes Jazz?

Oh, You Know It, Daddy-O!

I've Been In This Competition For 14 Years

And I've Lost Every Year.

If You'll Excuse Me

I've Got To Get Back To Edna.

Stay Cool, Man.

That's The Only Way

I Know How.

The Record Store Is To The Left.

But Laytham's Is That Way.

There's The Toy Store.

We Only Got 20 Minutes.

Let's Decide Where We're Going.

I Got A Plan.

I'm Oldest, So We'll Do What I Want To Do.

That Plan Stinks.

Oh, My.

Oh, My!

It's Him! He's Here!

Who?

Him!

Danny Brenner.

Isn't That The Guy You Said Is Ugly?

That's When He Was With Donna Gaffney.

They Broke Up.

So Now He's Not Ugly?

Just Look At Him.

Oh, My!

Oh, My!

Theo, I Have Got To Meet Him.

Then Go Over There.

I Can't. He's Too Cute.

You Have To Help Me.

What Am I Supposed To Do?

Have A Key Made.

I'll Follow, And We'll Have A Conversation.

Vanessa, That's Dumb.

We'll Make A Deal.

Help Me

And I'll Watch Rudy While You Go To The Record Store.

You're On.

I Want To Make A Deal.

You Got Your Deal. We Let You Come With Us.

That's A Raw Deal.

Come On.

Can I Help You?

I Need A Copy Of This.

Hi, Theo!

What Are You Doing At The Mall?

I Had The Day Off

So I Figured, "Why Not Have A Key Made?"

You're Vanessa Huxtable.

Right. We're In The Same Class.

And You're Both In The Mall Today.

Unbelievable!

You Know How To Make Keys?

I Can Make Several At A Time.

Really?

You Must Be A Genius.

Nobody Can Do That.

(Theo Whispering:) Please...

Watch.

Vanessa: You're Really Good With That Machine.

It Only Took Me A Few Hours

To Learn How To Use It.

Vanessa: Wow, I'm Impressed.

What Does That Machine Do?

It Engraves On Metal.

Would You Like Your Name On Your Keys?

You Engrave, Too?

Whoa!

What Would You Like, Print Or Script?

That's A Hard Decision.

I May Have To Stay Here And Think About It.

Uh... Vanessa.

Where's Rudy?

Yeah, Where Is She?

That's What I Just Asked You.

Hey, Rudy.

Rudy!

Rudy?

Kim?

What Are You Doing Here?

Trying To Figure Out Where I Am.

What Are You Doing Here?

It's My Dad's Sushi Bar.

Are You Allowed To Go To The Mall By Yourself?

No, I Was With My Sister And Brother

But They're Stupid.

I Don't Have A Sister

But If I Did, She'd Be Stupid, Too.

Yeah.

Come On, I'll Show You The Restaurant.

I Can't Believe We Lost Her.

We Didn't Lose Her.

We Just Can't Find Her.

When I Was Eight, I Got Lost In The Supermarket.

I Was So Scared.

I Thought I'd Never See Mom And Dad Again.

You're Making Me Think Of Rudy Standing Somewhere Crying.

She Probably Is.

This Is Your Fault.

You Were Supposed To Keep An Eye On Her.

Well, So Were You.

The Only Reason This Happened Is Because You're Boy Crazy.

I Knew Your Problem Would Get Me In Trouble One Day.

Announcer: Good Afternoon, Shoppers.

The Judging Of The Squash Competition

Is About To Begin.

We Can't Go Back Without Rudy.

If Rudy Went Back

She'll Tell Them We Weren't Watching Her.

We've Had It.

You're Faster Than Me.

Get Back There Before She Does.

You Check The Toy Store.

If I See Her, I'll Apologize.

No, No!

If You Apologize, She'll Think We Did Something Wrong.

Tell Her We Thought She Was Old Enough To Go On Her Own.

Good Idea.

Okay. Okay.

Theo, Where Are Vanessa And Rudy?

Uh, Well, They're Not Here.

We Know That.

Where Are They?

They're In The Mall Somewhere.

You Didn't Stay With Them?

Of Course I Stayed With Them.

But I Gave Them A Little Slack

Because Sisters Need To Get To Know Each Other.

Please Go Get Your Sisters.

The Judging's Already Started.

Sure, Okay.

Gosh.

You Didn't Find Her?

I Looked Everywhere--

The Toy Store, The Pet Store, The Video Arcade.

This Is A Nightmare.

We're In Trouble.

Trouble?

Vanessa, We Lost Our Little Sister.

We're Beyond Trouble.

What Do You Think Mom And Dad Will Do To Us?

You're Lucky.

You're Only 14.

There Are Laws To Protect You.

But I'm Older.

They Could Send Me To The Penitentiary.

You're Only 17.

You're Not Old Enough For Prison Yet.

Yeah, But I'm Old Enough To Go Into The Service.

Dad Will Sign Me Up To The Marines.

He's Wanted To Do That For Years

But He Was Waiting For A Major Screw-Up.

We've Got To Find Rudy.

We Could Have Her Paged.

No, If Mom And Dad Hear It, They'll Know She's Lost.

Okay, Then Let's Talk To A Policeman.

Okay, We'll Search Every Corner Of The Mall.

If We Don't Find Her, We'll Get A Policeman

And He Can Come With Us When We Tell Mom And Dad.

We'll Need The Protection.

Rudy: Wow, That's Neat.

Kim: My Dad Can Do All Kinds Of Things With Vegetables.

Oh, Hi, Kimiko-Chan.

Hi, Rudy.

Hi, Mr. Ogawa.

What Brings You Here?

Rudy Was With Her Brother And Sister

But They're Stupid.

Are You Lost?

No, If I Was Lost

I'd Find A Policeman And Say:

"I'm Rudy Huxtable.

I Live At 10 Stigwood Avenue."

Fine, You're Not Lost.

I Would Feel Better If Your Parents Knew That.

They're At The Squash Show.

Let's See Them.

Okay.

This Judge Has Got To Come On Now.

I'm Getting Nervous.

Don't Worry.

Just Concentrate On This

And Don't Forget

Behind Every Great Woman, Is A Great Man.

Hi, Rudy. Hi.

Hey.

Hi, Mom.

Hi, Mr. Ogawa.

Rudy Was At My Sushi Restaurant.

She Tells Me She's Not Lost

But I Thought I Would Check With You.

Thanks Very Much.

Where Are Vanessa And Theo?

I Don't Know.

They Let You Wander Around?

They Had Things To Do.

Oh, I See.

Can I Go Back To The Sushi Bar?

I Don't Mind.

She And Kim Are Having Fun.

Okay, We'll Pick You Up Afterwhile.

Okay.

All Right.

I Hope Your Squash Wins, But If It Doesn't

I'll Be Happy

To Eat It For Dinner.

Thanks, Rudy.

Thank You, Mr. Ogawa.

I'll See You Later, Kim.

Bye-Bye.

We're Going To Have A Word

With Theo And Vanessa.

When They Do Show Up, You Just Follow What I Do, Okay?

Okay.

They're Coming.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

Hey, How's The Mall Been?

Oh, Fine.

Listen, About Rudy...

What About Her?

She's Not Here.

You're Saying You Don't Know

Where She Is?

Dad, We Were Watching Her.

We Turned Around, And She Wasn't There.

She Was With You.

Yes.

She's Lost.

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, Well, Then, Let Her Stay Lost.

Let Her Stay Lost?

She Was Told To Stay With The Two Of You.

She Didn't Listen, And She Wandered Around

So Just Leave Her Out There.

That Girl Might Never See Us Again.

It Would Teach Her A Lesson.

And It Would Make Our Lives A Lot Easier.

It's A Good Thing You Two Made It Back.

Shouldn't We Look For Rudy?!

Listen, We Have Five Children.

When You Have Five Children

By The Time You Get To The Fifth One

And You Have To Tell That Child The Same Thing Over And Over

You Get Tired Of Talking To Hard-Headed People.

So Just Leave Her Out There.

She Knew She Should Stay With You.

She Didn't, So She Pays The Penalty.

What If Somebody Grabbed Her And Ran Off?

You Think That Might Happen?

Yes!

She's Only Eight.

Then Why Didn't You Think Of That

Before You Let The Girl Go Wandering

All Over The Mall?

What Is It Between Your Ears And Your Brain That's Dislodged?

Every Time We Say

"Watch Your Sister"

By The Time It Goes Through Your Ear And Travels

It Changes To, "Let Her Wander Around The Mall."

And I Just Wish

That I Could Find Something That Could Fix It.

A Screwdriver, Or Maybe A Brick.

Your Sister's In The Sushi Bar With Her Friend.

She Is?

You're Not Kidding.

You Don't Know How Worried I Was.

Me, Too.

Since She's Not Lost Or Anything

Is It Okay If Go Over To The Key-Osk?

What Is "The Key-Osk"?

They Make Keys There.

Vanessa, By The Time This Day Is Over

You Won't Have A Place To Put A Key In.

You Two Go Outside And Wait In The Car For Us.

No, Wait Under The Car.

Now Go Ahead.

Do We Really Have To Wait In The Car?

Under The Car.

Oh, Lovely.

Simply Lovely.

I Didn't Win.

You Won.

I Didn't Win.

You Won.

And Now The Results

Of Our 15th Annual Winter Squash Competition.

Just Say I Didn't Win, Sir.

In Third Place...

Estelle Drake.

(Screaming)

Thank You.

I Couldn't Even Make Third Place.

The Runner Up...

Clair Huxtable.

Oh, My!

Thank You Very Much.

And Our Blue-Ribbon Winner...

Norman Kirby.

Oh! Ah! I Won!

It Was Actually Me.

I Won.

Ah! Oh!

Put In On There.

Thank You, Sir.

Thank You Very Much.

When, In The Course Of Human Events

A Man Grows A Squash, And He Hopes That Squash

Will One Day Be Known As "The Big One."

Edna Is My Big One.

My Only Regret Is That My Wife Couldn't Be Here

To Share This Moment.

She Walked Out One Year Too Soon.

Make Way For Clair Huxtable

And Her Prize-Winning Squash, Torpedo.

I Think It Looks Just As Good With A Red Ribbon.

Yes, Indeed.

The Question Is What Do We Do With It?

Cut It Up And Eat It.

Oh, Cliff, You Can't.

If We Put It Up On The Shelf, The Thing Will Get Old.

Then Those Little Black Flies Will Come All Around.

At Least It Wouldn't Suffer.

You're Talking To A Surgeon.

It Won't Feel A Thing.

I Can't Watch.

You Don't Have To.

Come On, Little Fellow, Torpedo.

We're Going To Take You To A Little Private Place.

♪ La-Da Doo-Doo Do-Dee-Dee ♪

No, Wait.

What Are You Talking About?

What?

No, There's Not A Knife In Here.

No, Really, See?

Look, Spatula.

I'm Just Taking You Out, Digging All Around, Okay?

You Don't Mind If I Do That, Huh?

All Right, Boy.

Here We Go.

♪ Lou-Dee-Do ♪

What?

You Want To See What's Behind My Back?

Oh, No Problem.

See? Nothing.

Going For A Little Walk.

No, Come On.

Here We Go.

Okay, Don't Try To Fight, Now.

Ah! The Prisoner Has Escaped!

Call The Guards!

Call The Guards!

(Barking)