Original subtitles

Uh-Huh.

Uh-Huh.

Sondra, Elvin Only Said That Because He Was Upset.

What Did You Say To Him?

Sounds Like You Were Upset, Too.

Honey, You Had A Fight.

Don't Worry About That.

Married Couples Have Fights.

If You Want To Talk About This, We'll Be Here.

Yeah.

I Love You, Too.

Bye-Bye.

Sondra And Elvin Had A Fight?

Yeah.

The First Fight.

That Brings Back Memories.

You Make That Sound Like Those Are Happy Memories.

No, It Was Silly.

At The Time, We Were Pretty Shaken Up.

How's Sondra Taking It?

She's Pretty Shaken Up.

Elvin Went For A Walk And He's Been Gone An Hour.

(Doorbell)

Cliff, This Is Elvin.

Hi, Mom.

Hi, Dad.

I Was Taking A Walk.

Beautiful Day.

A Day Like This

You Can Walk Your Troubles Away--

Not That I Have Any.

Everything's Going Well?

Absolutely.

Life Is Great.

I Sang All The Way Here.

Sondra Called.

We Had Such A Terrible Fight!

It Was A Blowout.

Our Whole Relationship's Over-- Gone Forever.

Get Ahold Of Yourself.

Elvin, Everything Will Be All Right.

It Was Over Such A Stupid Thing, Too.

I've Been Working Every Night At The Wilderness Store

And It Was My Turn To Do The Dishes.

I Said To Sondra:

"Sondra, Could You Please Do Them For Me?

I'm So Tired, Honey."

She Said, "I Work A Double Shift At The Restaurant.

I'm Tired, Too."

I Said, "You're Probably Not As Tired As I Am."

She Said, "Yes, I Am." I Said, "No, You're Not."

Anyway, Dad, We Were Fighting Over Who Was More Tired.

One Thing Led To Another, And, Finally, She Said:

"I Should Have Listened To My Parents.

"When We Were Dating

They Said I Should Find Someone Else."

That Can't Be True, Can It?

Elvin, Wait A Minute.

Leave That Jacket Where It Is.

When You And Sondra First Started Going Out

You Weren't Getting Along That Well.

So We Suggested

That Maybe She Should Explore Other Possibilities.

Since You And Elvin Have Broken Up

Take This Opportunity To Call Somebody Else.

There Is No One Else.

There Is Someone Else

Who's Intelligent With A Good Sense Of Humor.

I Can't Think Of Anyone.

Don't Your Friends Know About Somebody?

There Is This Guy My Friends Say I Should Meet.

Call Him.

But, Daddy...

Call Him!

But He Goes To Oberlin In Ohio.

We'll Fly Him In.

He Is From New York.

Then He May Be Home This Weekend, So Call Him.

No, I'll Have To Think About This.

Call This Boy!

Get His Number And Call Him

And Tell Him You're Sorry You Waited So Long...

She Doesn't Know Him...

I Don't Care.

Call Him!

Sondra, Call The Boy.

Please!

Of Course, She Never Called Him.

She Did?

She Never Told Me About Him.

It Was Only One Date.

Cliff Invited Him To Dinner.

Dad!

The Boy Looked Hungry.

It's A Lucky Thing You Were On Your Way To Pick Up Sondra.

Dr. Huxtable, Thank You For Having Me Over.

You Have A Terrific Family.

Yeah. Darryl, You're Failing.

Failing?

With Sondra.

You're Not Moving Fast Enough!

Excuse Me?

You're Supposed To Be Talking To My Daughter.

Don't You Like Her?

From What I've Known Of Her The Last Five Hours...

She's Wonderful.

Very Bright, Attractive...

Then Tell Her That!

Dr. Huxtable, It Is A Little Awkward.

This Is Our First Date

And The Whole Family Has Been Around Us.

It's Really Not My Style.

I'm More Of A Slow Mover.

You Don't Have Time!

Why Not?

Because He's Coming.

Who's Coming?

Elvin!

Who's Elvin?

Elvin Is The Fellow That She Likes.

Oh.

Then Why Am I Here?

Because You're The Fellow I Like.

Dad, How Could You Do That To Me?

Different Time, Different Elvin.

That's Right.

When You First Started Coming Over Here

I Had A Problem With Your Personal Philosophies.

Like What?

Remember When I Offered You Some Coffee?

Would You Like Coffee?

Coffee?

Yeah, Coffee.

You're Going To Get It?

Yes. You're Surprised?

I Didn't Think You Did That Kind Of Thing.

What Kind Of Thing?

You Know... Serve.

Serve Whom?

Serve Him.

Clair: Oh, Serve Him!

As In "Serve Your Man"?

Yeah.

Let Me Tell You Something, Elvin.

I Am Not Serving Dr. Huxtable, Okay?

That Stuff Goes On In A Restaurant.

I'll Bring Him Coffee

Just Like He Brought Me Coffee This Morning

And That Is What Marriage Is Made Of--

Give And Take, Fifty-Fifty.

And If You Don't Drop These Macho Attitudes

You'll Never Have Anybody Bringing You Anything Ever.

Now... What Would You Like In Your Coffee?

Maybe I Could Get You Some Coffee.

Sorry, Elvin, But You Deserved It.

You're One Of The More Normal Boyfriends We've Met.

Some Others Have Been Strange.

(Reggae Music On The Tv)

I See You're Watching The All-Music Station.

You're Into Reggae, Huh?

Yeah.

(Reggae Music)

♪ I Say, Hey, Man ♪

♪ I Say, You Go Down ♪

♪ And I Say, Hey, Man ♪

♪ A-Brrrrrrr, I Say, Hey, Man ♪

♪ Brrrrrr, Hey, Man ♪

♪ Hey, Man ♪

♪ Hey, Man ♪

♪ Hey, Man ♪

♪ Hey, Man ♪

♪ E-Dop-A-De-Pa ♪ ♪ Hey, Man ♪

♪ Hey, Man ♪ ♪ Hey, Man ♪

♪ Hey, Man ♪

♪ Hey, Man! ♪

♪ And You Go Down ♪

♪ I Said You Go Down ♪

♪ I Said We Go Down ♪

♪ Reggae ♪

♪ Yea-H-H-H ♪

♪ I Say, You Say ♪

♪ You Say... ♪

I Don't Believe In Grades.

You, Too?

Usually, People Who Don't Believe In Grades

Do So Because Of The Grades They're Getting.

I Get All "A"S.

But What Is An "A"?

What Does It Really Mean?

Yeah!

I've Been Reading Socrates, And He Believed

That True Learning Comes From Just Observing The World.

Where Can I Get That Book?

You Don't Read, Son.

Maybe There's A Movie About It.

Clair?

Yes.

Did You Tell Denise She Could Go Out Tonight?

Yes, I Did.

Have You Seen The Boy?

Yes, I Have.

How Ugly Is He?

Hey!

Hey!

How You Doing? How Are You?

Having Four Daughters Keeps A Father Busy.

Especially If You're Like Cliff.

He's Always Seen Himself As His Daughters' Protector.

Face It, Cliff, You Are Rough.

I Am Not That Rough.

What Are You?

The Way I See It

I'm Like "Old Yeller."

You Know That Movie

Where The Dog Protected The Home?

It's My Job To Protect The Home, So I Have To Bark.

(Barking)

Boys Come By The House, And I Bark.

Pretty Soon, Boys Come By And They Say:

"Old Yeller Lives Up There."

Some Good Ones Come By And Some Bad Ones Come By

But I Am Old Yeller.

That's My Job.

Cliff, You Know, At The End Of That Movie

They Shot Old Yeller.

Leave Me Alone!

Rudy: Hi, Elvin.

Hi.

Hey, What's Up?

Your Parents Have Been Telling Me

About Denise's Boyfriends.

Yeah, They Were Weird.

Vanessa's The Weird One.

Vanessa!

Come Here.

Come Here.

Here, Here, Here!

There Is There, This Is Here.

Come Here.

Denise Took Over The Bathroom.

There's Shampoo In Rudy's Eyes.

She Won't Let Me Rinse It Off.

Rudy Might Be Blinded For Life.

If She Is, Can We Get A Dog?

You Shouldn't Call Anyone In This House "Weird."

Okay, I'll Just Say We're All Unusual.

Remember When I Said I Wanted To Go Out Into The Real World?

They Decided To Show Me About The Real World.

Hey, Dad.

Who?

Oh, I'm Sorry.

I Mean "Mr. Landlord."

My Name Is Harley--

Harley Weewax.

We Want To Welcome You To The Real World Apartments.

Take A Look At This.

The Woodwork Is All Hand-Done.

Hi, Millie.

Hi, Harley!

Millie?

Yes--

Millie Farquard.

She Runs The Chuckwagon Restaurant.

Howdy!

Good One, Mom.

Who?

I'm Sorry. I Mean Mrs. Farquard.

Look Forward To Seein' You Soon.

Whoop!

Here Comes Mrs. Griswald.

Hi, Harley!

Who Is That?

Mrs. Griswald.

She Owns This Building

But She Drinks Heavily.

That's Pretty Unusual.

Not For This House.

I Remember Rudy Mourning The Loss Of Her Goldfish.

We're Here To Say Good-Bye

To A Cherished Friend--

Lamont...

Goldfish.

Daddy?

Yes, Dear?

I Want To Watch Television.

Yeah...

But See, We're Having A Funeral For Your Friend.

I Want To Watch Tv Now.

Me, Too.

Nobody Is Going To Watch Tv Until The Funeral Is Over.

Is That Clear?

If She Doesn't Want A Funeral, Maybe We Shouldn't Have It.

We Got Dressed Up For This!

We're Going To Have It!

Right, Rudy?

Daddy?

You've Come Back For The Funeral?

No, I Want Some Privacy.

You Want To Talk To Lamont Alone?

No, I Want To Use The Bathroom.

I Don't Remember Having A Funeral.

You Probably Don't Even Remember Having A Goldfish.

I Bet You Don't Remember Getting Your Ear Pierced.

Ah, Yes, I Do.

Hey, It Does Look Better.

What's Up?

This!

Ahh! An Earring!

Shhh!

I Had It Done Friday.

It's Great! It's Fantastic!

Know What It Says?

That I Can Make My Own Decisions.

You Ear Looks Red.

If I Want An Earring In My Ear, That's My Business.

Theo, It Looks Puffy!

When People See This

They'll Know They're Dealing With A Man!

Son?

Yeah, Dad?

There's No Music Coming Through The Headset.

You Still Bopping To What's Left In Your Brain?

No.

Take The Headset Off.

Guys Sure Can Get Up, Can't They?

Yeah!

You Were Pathetic!

Leave Him Alone.

He's Not The Only Male Here Who Makes Mistakes.

Hi, Dear.

Cliff, Look At This.

See What Someone Did?

Look!

What?

Someone Has Broken The Handle Off My Favorite Coffee Mug.

You're Kidding.

After They Broke It

They Tried To Glue It And Put It Away.

They Just Glued It

Then Put It Way Back In The Cupboard?

Why Do You Say "Cupboard"?

I Just Guessed It Would Be Way Back In The Cupboard.

Why Do You Say "Way Back"?

Will I Need A Lawyer?

I Think So.

You Broke My Mug!

See, I Tried To...

I See What You Tried To Do

With This Old Glue All Clumped Up In Here

Pieces Missing, Chipped, Glue Inside Of The Cup!

I Did That On Purpose.

Why?

So You'd Blame One Of The Children.

Cliff!

I Almost Went To The Children And Accused Them.

And Then They Would Have Denied Doing It.

I Wouldn't Have Believed Them.

That's Right.

Cliff!

No!

I'm Ashamed Of You, Trying To Fool Mom.

You've Tried To Put One Over On Us A Few Times.

Me?

Yes, You.

There's A Certain Designer Shirt That Comes To Mind.

Dad, When I Wear This On My Date With Christine... Ooh!

She's Going To Die!

Bookman's Does It Again!

How Much Is It?

See The Label?

"Gordon Gartrelle."

This Is The Shirt.

Gordon Gartrelle Is A Big Designer.

How...

Much?

Dad, If You Want Quality, You Have To Pay For It.

$95.

Oh, Well, There Must Be A Pair Of Pants In There, Too.

Theo, I Don't Have A $95 Shirt, And I Have A Job.

Don't You Want Something Better For Your Son?

Sure.

You Want To Trade Your Room For That Shirt?

No.

All Right, Then.

The Shirt Goes Back.

But, I Told Christine I Was Getting A "Gordon Gartrelle."

Tell Christine You Lied.

Dad!

No 14-Year-Old Boy Should Have A $95 Shirt

Unless He Is On Stage With His Four Brothers.

Denise Promised Theo

She Could Make Him An Identical Shirt For $30.

Did She?

She Came Close.

Come Talk To Me.

Me?

I'm A Little Nervous About The Shirt.

I Need Company.

So What Do We Talk About?

Anything.

Uh...

Janie Mizer Got Her New Bike.

It's Great.

That's Nice.

Theo: Denise!

It's Over, Isn't It?

Yeah.

What Is This?

What Do You Mean?

Is This My Shirt?

Is This The Shirt I Paid $30 For?

Is This The Shirt They're Supposed To Think

Is A "Gordon Gartrelle"?

You Don't Like It?

Ask Me The Question Again!

You Don't Like It?

Look At These Sleeves!

My Arms Are The Same Length.

Why Aren't My Sleeves?

This Collar's Crazy And It's Too Big.

Tuck It In More.

It's Tucked Into My Socks!

This Has Been Very Helpful Hearing About Your Family.

I Feel Like I Understand Sondra Better.

Why Didn't You Tell Me This Before We Married?

We Were Afraid You Wouldn't Show For The Wedding.