Original subtitles

Kenny, The Girls Will Be Ready

In A Few Minutes.

Good, Mrs. Huxtable.

Have A Seat.

If I Sit, I'll Wrinkle My Suit.

Do You Plan To Stand All Day?

No, Just Until Rudy Sees Me.

I See.

Okay.

Let Me Fix Your Tie.

Clair: Oh, Look!

Don't We Look Beautiful?

Thank You.

And What About Kenny?

What About Him?

Doesn't He Look Nice?

Yes.

Thank You.

Now I Can Sit Down.

Are We All Ready?

Yes.

All Right. Good.

Daddy, Where Are We Going For Lunch?

It's A Secret.

But You're Going To Have One Of The Finest Culinary Experiences

Of Your Short Lives.

Dr. Huxtable, You Look Very Handsome.

Thank You, Morgan.

Do You Like Desserts?

Yes.

Then You Get Two.

Dr. Huxtable?

Yes, Sir.

You Look Very, Very Handsome.

Then You Get Three Desserts.

Me, Too.

You're Going To Get 12.

Daddy, You're The Handsomest Man In The World.

You're Saying That Because You Want 32 Desserts.

No, I'm Not.

You Lie.

No, She's Not.

You're Looking Pretty Smooth.

And You Get...

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Have A Nice Time.

I'll See You Later, Handsome.

Ladies And Gentleman

We're Going To A Very Fine Restaurant This Afternoon.

I Want You To Behave

Like Young Ladies And Gentleman.

That Means

We Will Not Act Like Heathens.

No Heathens.

No Heathens.

You Will Not Act Like Mad Dogs When The Bread Comes.

No Mad Dogs When The Bread Comes.

No Mad Dogs When The Bread Comes.

Hit It.

Hit It.

No Heathens! No Mad Dogs!

Wait! Wait!

Now, See? You're Loud Already.

( Softly: ) No Mad Dogs.

( Softly: ) No Heathens.

No Mad Dogs.

Ow!

Theo...

Theo!

Yeah?

What's Up Today?

You're Looking At It.

Eating And Listening To Music?

Vanessa, I'm Going To Relax.

Saturday Is My Day To Unwind.

Would You Do Me A Really Big Favor?

No.

Theo, You Owe Me A Favor.

When You Wanted To Buy That Yo-Yo That Lights Up In The Dark

I Lent You 75 Cents.

That Was Three Years Ago.

And I Paid You Back.

Oh, Right.

Haven't I Done You Other Favors?

No, But Let Me Hear What It Is, Anyway.

Teach Me How To Play Tennis.

Vanessa, You Hate Tennis.

That Was Before I Met Edwin Slagel.

Edwin Slagel? Is This A New Guy?

No, The Guy.

I Was Behind Him In The Lunch Line

And I Overheard Him Say He Likes Tennis.

I Thought I Could Be His Partner.

I've Seen Your Tennis Game.

You Can Kiss Edwin Slagel Good-Bye.

That's Why I Need Your Help.

You're The Best Tennis Player I've Ever Seen.

You're Fast And Coordinated...

And You Look Fabulous In Tennis Shorts.

Are You Trying To Flatter Me?

Yes.

It Worked.

All Right!

I'll Give You Some Pointers.

You Do Look Good In Tennis Shorts.

Thanks.

Can You Make Me A Good Tennis Player

In One Day?

Vanessa, When I've Finished Giving You Tennis Lessons

You'll Be Mrs. Edwin Slagel.

Good Afternoon.

Welcome To Port-Au-Prince Restaurant.

Do You Have A Reservation?

Yes, Dr. Huxtable.

Your Table Will Be Ready Soon.

This Place Is Really Fancy.

They Have Tablecloths.

I Bet If You Spill Something

They Get Mad.

I Bet They Throw You Out.

Dr. Huxtable?

Yes, Sir.

Can I Talk To You Man To Man?

Yeah.

Step Into My Office Here.

What Can I Do For You?

This Place Looks Expensive.

Yeah, But I've Got It Covered.

Can I Pay For Me And Rudy?

You're Kidding?

My Brother Said

You Should Pay When You Take Out A Date.

How Much Money Have You?

A Dollar And Three Pennies.

All Right, Give It To Me.

Not Now.

Wait Until The Bill Comes So Rudy Can See Me.

She'll See You.

Come On, Sport.

What Were You Talking About?

Man Talk.

That's Right.

Your Table Is Ready.

Thank You.

Wow!

That's What I Want!

No, That's Not The Table!

That Isn't The Table. Come Back.

Daddy, Can We Have That Now?

You're Very Handsome.

Sit Down.

I Don't Want To Hear That "Handsome" Stuff.

Thank You Very Much.

Thank You, Kenny.

You're Welcome.

Sorry.

Yes, Dear? Dr. Huxtable?

How Come I Have Two Forks?

Each Fork Is For A Different Course.

I Have To Use Both?

No.

Good.

I Like This Tall One.

I'll Trade My Tall One For Your Small One.

I'll Trade You My Spoons For Your Plate.

No, No, No.

There We Go-- Nice Hot Bread.

Yay! Yay!

Don't You Ever Feed These Children?

( Doorbell )

Sarah!

Hi, Clair.

What Are You Doing Here?

You're Always Saying

Your Little Sister Should Visit More Often.

I'm Glad You're Here.

You Don't Mind Company?

Not At All.

It's Okay, Girls. Come In.

Samantha!

Glenda!

How Are You?

I Haven't Seen You Two In A While.

You Would

If You Came To The Health Club.

Samantha, I've Been Busy.

Are We Intruding?

No, This Is A Great Excuse To Stop Working.

We've Really Had A Workout.

We Were Tired And Had No Place To Go.

Sarah Said, "Let's Go Bother Clair."

Welcome, Everyone. What Can I Get You?

We Brought Our Own.

Great!

I'll Get Some Plates.

Don't Walk So Fast.

My Legs Are Killing Me.

Oh, Yeah? My Thighs Are Begging For Mercy.

Look At This Menu.

It Has Everything You Ever Wanted To Eat.

Dr. Huxtable, What's This?

This Is Duck With Orange Sauce.

Duck?!

Eww! Eww!

Do You Have To Eat The Feathers?

You Know Better Than That. They Take The Feathers Off.

What About The Face?

I Could Never Eat A Duck Face.

All Right, Forget The Duck.

Dr. Huxtable?

Yes, Dear?

Are Sweetbreads Really Sweet?

Forget The Sweetbreads.

What Are You Doing, Dear?

I Wanted To See If It Floats.

Eww! Eww!

Hello. How's This Fine-Looking Table Doing?

Fine.

Is Today Someone's Birthday?

No. No.

My Dad Said He'd Take Us Out To Lunch.

Your Dad Is A Brave Man.

Yes, And I'm Afraid I Need Your Support.

I'll Keep You Covered.

Thank You.

Is Everyone Ready To Order?

Yes. Yes.

Don't Give Her Food, Because She Has No Teeth.

Yes, I Do.

I Know What I Want.

You Do?

My Brother Taught Me How To Order.

Hit It.

I'll Have An Appetizer

Then Soup, Then Salad

And Then I'll Have The Main Course.

After That, Dessert.

Thank You.

We Have Delicious Chicken Or Fish...

Hamburgers?

Hamburgers! Hamburgers!

And French Fries!

Yay! Yay!

We're Not Going To Sit In This Restaurant

And Order Hamburgers.

This Is A Special Restaurant.

This Is A Special Luncheon We're Having.

Wouldn't You Rather Have

Something You Don't Usually Have?

Hamburgers! Hamburgers!

Sir...

May I Recommend The Hamburgers?

You Don't Have Hamburgers.

Oh, Yes, Sir.

You Have Hamburgers?

Yes.

Then Hamburgers All Around.

Yay! Yay!

Hamburgers And Fries For Everyone!

Yay! Yay!

Okay.

Daddy, What's This?

That's An Artichoke Heart.

A Heart?

Eww! Eww! Eww!

No, That's The Heart Of A Vegetable.

Vegetable?

Eww! Eww!

Dr. Huxtable?

Yes, Sir.

There's Sawdust In My Salad.

Where?

Right Here.

That's A Crouton.

What's That?

Toasted Bread Cut Into Little Pieces.

No, It's Not.

I Know Toasted Bread, And This Isn't It.

Dr. Huxtable?

Yes, Dear.

Is This A Beet?

Yes, That's A Yummy Beet.

I Can't Eat Beets. It's On My List.

Oh, You Have A List?

Yeah.

Let's See It.

"Foods That Beth Must Not Have-- Beets."

Well, There They Are.

Eating Beets Makes My Eyes Swell Shut.

Morgan, Do You Have A List?

I Cannot Eat Olives.

There Are Olives In Your Salad.

Did You Eat Any?

Yes, But I Feel Good So Far.

Dr. Huxtable?

I Don't Think I'm Supposed To Eat Krautens.

I See.

All Right.

You Take The Krautens Out Of Your Salad

And Put Them In The Bowl.

You Take The Beets And Put Them In This Bowl.

Morgan, Take The Olives Out-- Don't Eat Any More.

But If You Feel The Other Olives Kick In, Let Me Know.

So Then What Happened?

Hey.

Hi.

You Remember Samantha And Glenda?

Hi.

Hi.

How Was Tennis?

Theo Was Hilarious.

Cut It Out.

What Happened?

Nothing.

We Were Practicing

When Two Attractive Girls Asked To Play Doubles.

My Lesson Was Over.

Ah. Ah. Ah.

I Only Did It Because I Figured It Would Improve Vanessa's Game.

I Hardly Played.

Theo Got All Macho On Me.

He Ran All Over Swinging At Every Ball.

Sound Familiar?

Absolutely.

Were They Impressed?

I Wasn't Trying To Impress Them.

Ha!

Halfway Through The Match, Theo Called Time Out

And Said, "Man, It's Hot Out Here."

He Took Off His Shirt And Did Stretching Exercises.

Are You Making Fun Of Me?

No.

Did You Get Their Phone Numbers?

Well, Yeah, But Only Because They Want Tennis Lessons.

Oh, Please!

I'm Going Upstairs To Take A Shower.

Good-Bye, Everybody.

Bye, Vanessa.

It Was Hot.

My Skin Had To Breathe.

I Was About To Faint Out There.

I'm Sure You Were.

Mom, Would It Be Impolite If I Turned And Ran Out Of Here?

No.

Thank You. Good-Bye.

Bye, Theo.

Oh, Clair, You've Got A Good One There.

He'll Be Even Better

Once He Stops Trying To Impress The Ladies.

Dr. Huxtable?

Yes, Sir.

What's Green, Slimy And Has 100 Legs?

I Don't Know.

Me, Neither, But It's On Your Shirt.

Good One, Kenny, That's A Good One.

Where Are The Hamburgers?

We Ordered 100 Years Ago.

I Know, Dear, But Good Things Take A While.

Is The Playground Outside?

No, I Don't Think So.

Where Are You Going, Dear?

Rudy: I Dropped My Napkin.

Let Me Help You.

I'll Help You.

No, Listen, Wait...

Lunch Is Ready!

The Hamburgers!

Look At This, What We Have...

Isn't This Wonderful?

Oh, Boy.

Look At This.

Thank You, Sir.

Mmm, Boy!

Look At This.

Isn't This Wonderful?

What's Wrong?

They're Too Big.

These Are Double, Smash-A-Rooney...

These Are Two-Handed Fellas.

Pick Them Up With Two Hands, Come On.

I've Never Seen A Hamburger Like This Before.

Me, Neither.

Where's The Bun?

This Is A Gourmet Restaurant.

See, This Is Toast.

Like Krautens, Right?

Hey, My Fine-Looking Table Doesn't Look So Fine.

Is Everything All Right?

Sir, Could I Have A Private Conversation With You?

Certainly.

My Compliments To The Chef.

But They Aren't Used To These Hamburgers.

I Understand, They're Too Big.

Right!

If You Would Take The Fries...

Have Them Make Long Thin Slices.

Please! Take The Burgers...

And Cover Them With Ketchup

Put Them Between The Bun And Mash Them Real Tight.

Yes! Yes!

I Have Three Children Myself

And They Don't Like To Eat Here, Either.

Thank You.

Let's Get Them.

Let's Get Rid Of These.

Hey, We Made A Mistake.

Where Is Rudy?

I Gave Her Away.

You Did Not.

I Dropped Her Off At Beth's House.

Dear, I Am Never Going To Take Out Little Children

Anyplace To Eat As Long As I Live.

When Did They Start Giving Balloons Away

At The Port-Au-Prince Restaurant?

This Isn't From There.

This Is From Circus Burger.

Oh, You Went To Circus Burger?

No, We Went To Port-Au-Prince.

The Children Didn't Want To Eat The Duck Face...

So They Ordered Hamburgers.

The Hamburgers Came With Toast, They Said, "Eww!"

Then The Potatoes Were Thick, And They Said, "Eww!"

So This Wonderful Waiter

Ran Across The Street To Circus Burger.

Came Back With Four Circus Burger Burgers.

And The Children Ate And Had A Ball.

So What's In This Bag?

These Are The Port-Au-Prince Hamburgers.

Let Me See.

Cliff, This Is Disgusting.

These Hamburgers Have Ketchup, Mustard, Lettuce, Tomato...

Mayonnaise And French Fries Mashed Together?

Yes.

Why Did You Bring These Home?

I Just Brought Them Home.

I'll Put Them In The Freezer.

Maybe One The Kids Will Want One.

This Is For You.

No!

Hey, Dad.

Hey, Son.

Great Balloons.

Thank You.

What's In The Bag?

Some Burgers From Port-Au-Prince.

Can I Take A Look?

Yes.

Whoa!

Can I Have These?

Yes. No!

All Right!

Say, Son, Let Me Talk To You For A Second...

I Want You To Sit Down.

Ohh.

Come On.

Give Me Your Feet.

Put Your Little Feet Up Here.

Let Me Take This Antenna.

No, Don't Take My Antenna.

Why?

These Balloons Cost $140.

You Know What I Really Want?

I Need A Nap-- Right Here.

I'll Take My Work Upstairs So I Don't Disturb You.

Thank You, Dear.

And, Darling...

Yes.

I Love You.

I Love You, Too.

I'm Going To Make Sure That No One Disturbs You.

Hey, Dad.

Do You Love Your Father?

Yeah.

I Mean, Do You Really Care About Your Father?

Yeah, Dad.

Then Would You Give Your Father One Of Those Burgers, Please?

I Can't Do That.

Don't Worry, Your Mother Is Upstairs.

So Let Me Have A Burger.

That's Not It. I Ate Them.

You Ate Four Burgers In 40 Seconds?

I Was Hungry.

What Happened To The Fries?

I Ate Those, Too.

In 40 Seconds?

I'm Sorry, Dad.

But I Still Really, Truly Care About You.

Thank You.

Oh, And, Dad...

Yeah.

( Burps )