Original subtitles

Tv Announcer: Once The Chest Wall Is Opened, The Heart Is In Full View.

The Aorta And Atrium Are Connected

To The Heart-Lung Machine With Tubes.

After The Heart Has Been Stopped

It Is Packed In Ice...

Do You Have To Watch This?

The Surgeon Finds The Coronary Arteries

Which Need To Be Bypassed With New Blood Vessels.

Cliff...

I'm A Doctor, Dear.

Can You Watch This Another Time?

I Have Something To Tell You.

What?

Here's A Hint.

Go Ahead.

It's Your Oldest Friend

From The Navy

And You Are His Daughter's Godfather.

Scott Kelly!

Give Me The Phone Number.

He's On His Way Here.

He's Coming Here?!

He And Jill Are Coming Here

For A Few Days.

Scottster And Jillster.

They Want To Take Us To Dinner To The Golden Palm.

Mucho Dinero.

Ooh!

I'm Looking Forward To Seeing My Man.

Now Look...

Jill And I Are Not Going To Be Embarrassed This Evening.

But, Dear...

When You Two Get Together, You Act So Silly.

Naboo, Naboo.

When We Get Together, We Are Just Clever And Witty.

No.

You're A Couple Of Goofballs.

You Married Us.

The Heart Is Then Restarted

And Taken Off The Heart-Lung Machine.

( Doorbell )

Hi, Walter.

Dr. Huxtable.

Is Theo In?

He's Upstairs Studying.

Ho!

Where Are You Going?

I Wouldn't Interrupt Him, But This Can't Wait.

It Can't? What Is It?

A Career Opportunity

That Will Make Me And Theo Rich And Famous.

Is This Career Opportunity Legal?

Yes.

Will This Career Opportunity

Cause Any Trauma To Anyone's Face Or Lips?

No.

Then Go Ahead, My Boy, And Find Him.

Thanks.

Theo, Close Your Book.

I Have Seen The Future, And We Are Famous.

What?

How Would You Like To Be In

"The Mannequins'" Next Rock Video?

"The Mannequins" Are My Favorite Group!

Then You'll Love This.

I Was In The Brill Building--

Where The Music People Have Their Offices.

Yeah?

I Met This Assistant

To Bertha Barrington.

She's The Hottest Casting Director

In The Video Business.

She Is?

The Assistant Said

They Want 12 High School Guys For Their Video--

No Experience Or Talent Needed.

That's Us.

There Are Two Requirements.

One: You Have To Be Good-Looking.

Well, Hey, That's Us, Too.

And Two: You Got To Shave Your Head.

You Mean Bald?

I Mean Bald.

No Hair At All.

Cockroach, I'm Not Sure I Want To Do That.

I Like My Hair.

The Job Pays $100.

A Hundred Dollars?

Not To Mention

All The Gorgeous Women That Will Be On The Set.

It Would Be Fun To Be In A Video.

Our Hair Would Grow Back.

We Might Look So Good, The Girls Might Not Let Us.

So Do We Do It?

Maybe I Should Talk To My Parents About This.

Aren't Parents Always Saying:

"Get A Job, Get A Haircut"?

We'll Be Doing Both.

Okay. I'll Do It If You Do It.

Meet Me Tonight At 8:00 At The Tornado Club.

I'll Be There...

With No Hair!

Now I Have To Finish Studying.

You're Studying On Saturday?

Lana's Coming Over Soon To Do Homework.

I Study The Material

So I Can Impress Her With How Much I Know.

I Never Thought Of Doing That.

And It Helps Get Good Grades.

I'd Settle For Impressing A Woman.

See You Later. All Right.

Hi.

Hi.

Any Calls For Me?

Yes.

Who?

Some Boy.

What Boy?

I Forgot.

Didn't You Write It Down?

No.

Why Not?

I Was Going To Remember.

Rudy, How Could You Do This?

My Calls Are Important.

I'm Sorry.

Can You Remember What The Boy Wanted?

He Asked You To Some Dance.

The Eighth-Grade Dance?

Yeah, That's It.

See, I Remember.

What Else?

Uh...

Okay, Let's Take This Nice And Slow.

You Answered And Said, "Huxtable Residence."

He Said, "Is Vanessa There?"

You Said, "No. May I Take A Message?"

Yes.

He Said, "I'd Like To Ask Vanessa To The Dance.

My Name Is..."

I Have No Idea.

The Eighth-Grade Dance

Is The Most Important Dance Of The Year.

You've Got To Remember The Boy's Name.

Was It John?

Teddy? Eddie?

Lyle? Bob?

That's It-- Bob!

Great. I Know A Bob.

Wait A Minute.

It Sounded Like Bob.

Rob?

Yeah, That's It-- Rob.

Great. I Like Rob.

Or Was It Todd?

I Know Three Todds.

This Is Terrible.

Romance Is Waiting For Me, And I Don't Know Its Name.

Hi. Hi.

There Was A Call For You And Daddy.

Who Was It?

Mr. Scott Kelly.

He And His Wife Are Staying At The Madison Plaza Hotel.

Oh, Thanks.

They'll Meet You At The Golden Palm Restaurant At 6:30.

He Said, "Be There Or Be Square."

That's Very Good, Rudy.

Anytime, Mom.

Your Table Is Ready, Sir.

It's So Good To See You.

It's Been A Long Time.

Cliff: How's Everything?

Scott: Let's Get To The Important Stuff.

How Are The Children?

Well, Everybody's Getting Straight A's.

That's Very Good.

Ours Get All A-Plusses.

How Old Is Rudy, Dear?

Seven.

She's Been Accepted To Med School.

By The Time She's 11, She'll Be A Physician

Unless She Wants To Specialize.

You Must Be Very Proud Of Her.

I Am.

I'm Very Proud Of Tammy.

She Just Won The Nobel Prize

For Her Doctoral Dissertation

On How She Spent Her Summer Vacation.

Don't They Give That In Sweden?

Yes.

Vanessa Was Just Named

The Ambassador To Sweden.

You Must Have Tammy Call Sometime.

And Come Over For A Spot Of Tea.

Name Two Achievements Of Charlemagne

During His Reign.

He Ordered That All Nations Under His Domain

Be Committed To Writing

And He Began A Grammar Of Frankish.

How Did You Know That?

Learning Fascinates Me.

I Have A Real Thirst For Knowledge.

I'm Glad I Have You To Study With.

Let's Keep Going.

Lana, Could We Knock Off Early?

Oh, Sure.

I Need To Ask You Something.

What?

We Have A Good Relationship.

Would It Change If I Shaved My Head?

What?

I'll Shave It Once And Let It Grow Back.

Why Would You Do That?

So I Could Be In "The Mannequins'" Rock Video.

That English Group With No Hair?

Yeah.

They're Weird.

Their Videos Are Great, And I Can Be In One.

You Have Beautiful Hair.

It Was One Of The First Things I Noticed About You.

Really?

Yeah.

It Will Grow Back.

But You Don't Know

What Your Head Looks Like.

It Looks Like A Regular Head.

Come Over Here.

You Have A Dent Here.

I Do?

Yeah, And A Bump Right Next To It.

I Knew About That.

It Will Look Bigger Next To The Dent.

Maybe Shaving My Head Isn't Such A Good Idea.

It's Up To You.

But I Promised Cockroach We'd Do This Together.

This Video Means A Lot To Us.

You Understand?

Would You Still Date Me?

Of Course.

Probably.

Well, I Guess

I Better Go Up And Do It Now.

I'm Meeting Cockroach At The Tornado Club In An Hour.

You Want To Watch Me Shave?

No, I'll Stay Right Here.

Okay, Well... This Is It.

Well, Good Luck.

Here I Go.

Okay.

I'm Really Going To Do It, Lana.

All Right.

Bye.

Good-Bye.

See You.

( Doorbell )

Hi, Cockroach.

Where's Theo?

He's Upstairs Shaving His Head.

Excuse Me.

Theo! Theo!

Theo?

In Here.

Don't Do It! Stop!

What?

Don't Shave Your Head. We're Not In The Video.

What?!

I've Been Calling

But It's Been Busy.

That Was Vanessa.

What's Wrong?

I'm Beat.

I Ran Over Here.

Let's Sit Down.

This Is Terrible.

What Happened?

I Went Down Early

And I Couldn't Even Get On The Set.

You're Kidding.

There Were 200 Guys Already.

Every One Had A Shaved Head.

Whoa!

They Took The First 12 And Sent The Rest Home.

I Told The Assistant, "You Said I Was In."

He Gave Me $50 For Showing Up.

Fifty Bucks? That's Great!

Yeah, But Look At This.

All Right. Dinner!

Yes, Yes, Yes.

One, Two, Three...

Voila.

This Is It.

Uh... Sir?

There's Been A Little Mistake.

I Ordered The Salmon.

I Have You Down For Trout.

You Have Me Down Wrong.

You Did This, Didn't You?

No, I Didn't.

If You'd Like To Order Salmon...

I Did Order Salmon.

I'll Get Your Salmon.

I'm Proud Of You.

You Stayed Calm.

Yes. What's Wrong With You?

Nothing. I'm Always Calm.

Really?

Scott Really Has Learned To Control His Temper.

He Had To.

How Did You Do That?

Easy. I Had A Heart Attack.

When Did This Happen?

Six Months Ago.

I Saw The Guys.

They Came To Get Me.

Who?

The Four Horsemen.

Come Over The Hill, Right To My Door.

Said, "Saddle Up, Buckaroo. You're Riding With Us."

I Said, "Is Where We're Going Hot Or Cold?"

They Said, "Dress Light."

I Said, "Come Back And Get Me Another Time."

So They Gave Me The Zipper Instead.

Two Weeks In The Hospital.

You're Kidding.

Quadruple Bypass.

You Should Have Told Me.

I Could Have Done That For You

At Half Price.

( Loud Television Audio And Stereo Audio )

Okay.

Make Yourself At Home.

I Was Home

Till You Turned The Noise Off.

Vanessa, Turn That Back On.

Vanessa...

Oh, You're Back.

Son, You Remember Mr. And Mrs. Kelly?

Yes. Hi.

Theo, You Got Big.

We Could Hear The Noise All The Way Out On The Street.

I'm Sorry.

Cockroach And I Are In The Kitchen Eating Pizza.

I Wanted To Hear The Stereo

And He Wanted To Hear The Tv.

Did You Understand What My Son Just Said?

Perfectly.

I Put The Leftover Pizza...

How Are You, Walter?

Fine.

Good.

Aren't You Going To Say Something About My Head?

What Is There To Say?

It's Already Out There.

Walter, These Are Our Good Friends

Mr. And Mrs. Kelly.

Hello, Walter.

Hello.

Why Did You Do That?

To Get Into Show Business.

Was This The Career Opportunity You Were Talking About?

Yes, And It Didn't Work.

Theo: Excuse Us.

We're Going Upstairs.

I Promised Cockroach We'd Go Through My Hats.

Get A Big One.

Jill, Let's Go Get Some Tea?

That's A Good Idea.

No, Allow Us.

Sit Back Down.

Yes.

We'll Give You Our Special Brew.

What Is It?

Whatever You Have In The Little Bags.

With The Strings That Always Fall In The Cup...

It's Good To See Scotty Back To His Old Self.

I Hadn't Noticed Any Change.

When He Came Home From The Hospital

He Sat On The Couch, Holding His Cocker Spaniel

And All He Could Say Was

"Yes, Dear."

"I Know, Dear."

"I'll Try, Dear."

"You're Right, Dear."

Cliff Does That Already.

Oh, Yes.

The Whole Thing Was Very Scary.

Not That He Just Could Have Died

But I Was So Unprepared.

Who Is Ever Prepared For That?

I'm Talking About Something Else.

I Didn't Know Anything.

Scotty Managed All Our Finances.

I Didn't Know Where He Kept The Insurance Policies

The Bank Statements

The Deed To The House...

If You Ever Need Legal Advice, I'm Here.

Thank You.

But I'm Okay.

I've Learned In A Very Short Time

That I'm A Pretty Good Financial Manager.

Scott And I Have An Agreement:

I Promise To Pay The Bills And Handle The Insurance

And He Promises Never To Have Another Heart Attack.

That's Good.

So Denise Still Doesn't Have A Major.

I Said, "All Right, Dear.

"Just Go To Your Final Year.

I Hope You Have A Major By Then."

My Beloved Son, Mark

Just Transferred To The Fourth College Of His Choice.

I Believe He's Majoring In Interstate Transportation.

I Used To Threaten His Life...

On A Regular Basis.

After The Zipper, I Perceived That Was A Threat To My Own.

Now, I Don't Care Anymore.

I Just Throw Him Out On A Regular Basis.

I Don't Want The Zipper.

How Do You Keep From Getting It?

When You Really Get Steamed

Wait Until You Can Hear This...

( Hoofbeats )

( Hoofbeats )

Then You Know My Four Friends Are Riding Right Beside You

And You Let It All Out.

( Hoofbeats )

And No Zipper.

There Are Other Things, Too.

You Have To Exercise.

I Do That.

And Eat The Right Stuff.

Clair's Always On Me About That.

Jill, Too.

I've Got To Eat Carrot Sticks And Celery Sticks

And Broccoli Clumps...

You Eat That Stuff?

When She's Around.

Get The Skim Milk From The Refrigerator.

Yes, Sir.

Hey.

Huh?

There's Pizza In Here.

It's With Pepperoni

And Anchovies

And Extra Cheese

And Everything.

Is Broccoli On It?

No.

Good.

You Know What Would Go Absolutely Great With This?

Potato Chips.

Clair Lets You Eat Potato Chips?

"Lets Me Eat Potato Chips"?

Shoot, I'm A Man.

I Eat What I Want.

That Is Outstanding.

Dump Those Right On Top Of The Pizza.

There You Go. That's It.

Now, We Need Something To Wash This Down.

A Beer.

Certainly.

I'll Get Beer.

But What Would The Horsemen Say?

I Can't Hear Them.

I'm Just Not Listening Right Now.

But I'm Not Eating Any Of This.

I Don't Care What You Do To Me.

You Know, People Drink This Stuff, And...

Now, What Should We Do?

I Say Ignore Them.

They Are Beyond Hope.

You're Right.

Let's Take Our Tea Into The Living Room.

You Really Let Your Children Eat This...

That's Exactly What I Was Telling You.

That's How They Eat It.

It's Terrible.

You Touch That Pizza, And You're Dead.

One Little Piece Isn't Going To...

I'll Kill You.

Okay?

Come On.

Good-Bye, Guys.

And Cliff?

Yes, Dear.

When You're Done

Stick Those Potato Chips Hidden Under The Table

Back Up In The Chimney.