Original subtitles

Pardon Me, Ma'am, Have You Seen My Daughter?

Where Did You Get That?

What?

You Couldn't Wait

To Get Denise's Wigs From Her Closet.

You Love It Now That She's Away At College.

Yeah.

So What's So Funny?

Tommy Turtle.

He's Hilarious.

Oh, Really?

What's So Hilarious?

He Lives In A Swamp.

Ah, Yeah, Well...

He Was Having A Picnic, And Got Stuck In The Mud.

Well, That Is Funny.

That's Not The Funny Part.

Oh, I'm Sorry.

Alan The Alligator Steps On His Head.

That Is Funny.

That's Not The Funny Part, Either.

I'm Sorry. It Isn't?

The Funny Part Is Tommy Turtle Says:

"Hey, You, I Could Have Done That Myself."

( Ring )

( Ring )

Huxtable Residence.

Yes, Mrs. Gregory.

How Far Apart Are They?

Okay, I'm On My Way Over.

All Right. Bye-Bye.

♪ On My Way To The Hospital ♪

Have A Good Baby.

Get It?

Who Made That Up?

I Made It Up.

Oh.

♪ Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha ♪

I'm On My Way To The Hospital.

All Right, Dad.

Watch Rudy

Until Your Mom Comes Back From The Community Center.

Okay.

What Are You Doing?

Getting Loose Change From The Couch.

Really? Any Luck?

So Far, I Got $1.63.

Good. When You Finish, Put It On My Dresser.

But Dad, I Found The Change.

That's The Couch Where I Take Naps.

It's My Change.

I Take Naps On The Couch, Too.

You Never Have Money In Your Pocket.

Now I Have $1.63.

( Doorbell )

Hi, Dr. Huxtable.

Hello, Janet.

This Is My Friend Althea Logan.

Pleased To Meet You.

I'm On My Way To The Hospital.

"Althea" Later.

Get It?

Tommy Turtle Made That Up.

I'll Thee-Ya.

Hi, Theo.

Hi.

This Is Althea Logan.

Hello.

Hi.

Is Vanessa In Her Room?

Yeah.

Come On, Althea.

You Were Right, Janet. He Is Cute.

Okay, Very Good.

Thank You, Nancy.

You're Welcome, Doctor.

This Is A Real Hospital Because Dr. Eckert--

My Favorite Resident-- Is On Board.

Hello, Dr. Huxtable.

How Are You?

I'm Okay.

Mrs. Gregory Was Admitted At 10:05.

She's In Birthing Room #1.

I Checked Her.

She's Seven Centimeters Dilated.

The Vertex Is At Station Minus Two.

You See, You're A Gentleman Who's Still Writing Things Down.

You're On The Case.

I Plan To Continue Writing The Rest Of My Life.

That's My Job.

What Color Was Her Overnight Bag?

I Don't Know.

You Call Yourself A Doctor?

You Better Get It Together, Son.

Right, Sir.

Let's Go.

I Think It Was Green.

No, It Doesn't Count Now.

Hi, Karen, How Are You?

Not As Well As I Will Be This Time Tomorrow.

I'd Like You To Meet My Father, Clayton Lee.

Hi, Mr. Lee.

Hello.

Hello.

Mr. Lee, Are You Going To Be All Right?

No, I'm Miserable.

My Father's Unhappy About Being Here For The Delivery.

I Wouldn't Be Here

If Her Husband Hadn't Gotten Stationed In Iceland.

I've Never Had A Baby Before.

My Wife And I Have Three Children

But They Didn't Let Men In The Delivery Room.

Those Were The Good Old Days.

Dad, Don't Worry.

I'll Be Right Here Next To You Through The Whole Thing.

I Appreciate The Support.

( Breathing Deeply )

Pardon Me.

Oh!

There She Goes.

In, Out...

That Keeps Happening.

It's Going To, Sir, Or Else The Baby Won't Be Born.

When Will That Be?

Two To Four Hours.

So Soon?

Yeah.

( Breathing Deeply )

Are You All Right?

I'm Fine, But This Room Is Stuffy.

You're Hyperventilating.

Is That Bad?

It's Bad If You Do It During Delivery.

We're Going To Take Your Pulse And Your Blood Pressure.

I Didn't Bring My Checkbook.

Don't Worry About It.

This Is On Dr. Eckert.

Take Him Outside.

You'll Be Fine.

I'll Be Back.

Don't Start Without Me.

Brian's Moving?

That's What I Heard.

Now He Can't See My New Look.

What New Look?

The One Althea Designed.

It Took Me A Whole Week.

I Read A Lot Of Magazines.

Here's The Hair.

Oh, Great Hair.

And Look At This Dress.

Fabulous.

Check Out These Shoes.

This Is An Ad For Dishwashing Detergent.

But Look At The Shoes The Model's Wearing.

Oh, They'll Go Perfect With The Hair And The Dress.

I Know.

I'm Going To Be A Fashion Consultant When I Grow Up.

What Are You Doing?

Smoking A Cigarette. You Want One?

No.

Janet?

No, Thanks.

Okay.

Althea, I Don't Think

You Should Smoke In Here.

Why Not?

My Parents Won't Like It.

They're Not Here.

My Older Brother Is.

Don't Worry.

He'll Never Know.

What's That?

A Smoke Eater.

It Absorbs Smoke.

What The Smoke Eater Doesn't Get, This Will.

Eww.

How Long Have You Been Smoking?

A Few Days.

I Can't Inhale, But I Love How It Makes Me Look.

You Really Don't Look That Different.

Well, I Feel Different.

Althea

Don't Light That. Why Not?

I Don't Want You Smoking In Here.

You're Infringing On My Right Not To Get In Trouble.

What?

I Have A Right To Be In My House And Not Be In Trouble.

I Wouldn't Cause Trouble At Your House.

Don't Worry, I Won't Cause Trouble.

Nobody Will Know.

Are You Sure?

I'll Just Take A Couple Of Puffs And Then Put It Out.

They Have To Be Tiny, Tiny Puffs

And You Have To Blow The Smoke Directly Into Here

And Spray Immediately Afterwards.

Dr. Huxtable?

You Wouldn't Believe The Patient Who Just Arrived.

I Had Trouble Getting Her Into The Birthing Room.

She Insisted On Handing Out Gifts To All Of The Staff.

This One's For You.

Mmm, Banana Bread.

Mr. And Mrs. Schrader.

Right.

They Seem To Be Friends With The Whole Staff.

If You Come Here Eight Times

You Would Have A Lot Of Friends.

She Has Eight Children?

Nine. Last Time, She Had Twins.

This Is A Fun Couple. Come On.

Three Of Diamonds. You Need It?

Yeah.

Mmm...

Right On Schedule.

Camp Schrader.

Hi, Doctor.

Every Five Minutes.

Mm-Hmm.

Be Right With You, Dr. Huxtable.

That's All Right.

Which One Should I Discard?

That One.

Why Didn't You Call Me?

We Called Your House, But Rudy Said You Were Already Here.

I Like That New Lobby Furniture.

We Change The Furniture

To Keep Our Regular Customers From Getting Bored.

Every Five Minutes?

We've Got Plenty Of Time, Dr. Huxtable.

Sit Down, Have Some Banana Bread.

Thank You Very Much.

Nancy, Will You Check On Mrs. Gregory, Please?

Certainly, Dr. Huxtable.

I'll Check On Her Father Soon.

Very Good, Dr. Eckert.

I Like Her.

Yeah, She's A Good Nurse.

Dr. Eckert Likes Her, Too.

Oh, Really?

Is That True, Dr. Eckert?

Well, She's Very Efficient.

Good Answer.

I Have Good Instincts About These Things.

Pay Attention To Her Instincts--

Nine Children.

Maybe We Shouldn't Be Discussing This.

I Agree.

Stop Picking On Dr. Eckert, Okay?

Everybody Agree On That?

Okay.

When You Going To Ask Her Out?

I'm Not!

Dr. Huxtable, Aren't You Covering For Dr. Burshette?

Sure.

You Have Another Patient.

Okay.

Birthing Room #3.

You Have Three Patients Delivering At The Same Time?

Sure, I Can Handle That.

If You Get Too Busy, We'll Do This One Ourselves.

All Right.

Just Make Sure You Send Me The Check.

Hi. Mr. And Mrs. Mira?

Si.

I'm Dr. Huxtable. This Is Dr. Eckert.

I'm Filling In For Dr. Burshette.

Como?

Perdone Nosotros No Hablamos Ingles.

Dr. Huxtable, I Speak Spanish.

Then Hit It.

Buenos Dias.

'Buenos Dias.'

I Could Have Said That.

Yo Soy Es El Doctor Eckert.

De Donde Son Ustedes?

De Venezuela.

Yo Tuve Que Venir A Los Estados Unidos

Por Negocios.

Si, Ya Tenemos Aca Dos Meses.

They're From Venezuela.

They've Been Here About Two Months On Business.

Este Es El Doctor Huxtable, El Hombre Que La Atendera.

Bueno.

I Told Them You're Their Doctor.

Tell Them I'm A Good Doctor.

El Doctor Huxtable Un Doctor Bueno.

No, Muy.

Muy Bueno.

Tell Them I'm Better Than You.

El Doctor...

El Doctor Burshette Ha Dicho Muchas Cosas Buenas Acerca De El.

Dr. Burshette Told Them Good Things About You.

That's Right.

Okay, Um...

How...

How Far Apart

Are The... Things?

You Know

The Things.

Tiempo...

Mal...

Oww!?

Contracciones.

Contracciones!

There You Go. Contracciones.

Seis Minutos.

Seis Minutos.

Six Minutes.

Just Tell Them Welcome To America.

Their Next Family Member Will Be A Citizen.

El Doctor Huxtable Dice Que Hoy

Un Miembro De Su Familia Sera Un Americano.

Si, Gracias.

All Right, Bye-Bye.

Muchas Gracias. Yes, Yes.

She Looks So Much Better In Long Skirts.

Althea, That's Your Second Cigarette.

No More.

I Wasn't Going To Have Any More, Anyway.

Vanessa, I Wouldn't Worry.

I Can Hardly Smell It.

Theo: What's Going On In There?

Nothing!

Why Do I Smell Cigarette Smoke?

Let Me In.

Just A Second.

( Whispering: ) I Knew It!

This Will Fix It.

Dad Left Me In Charge.

I Am The Law.

Hold On. I'm Coming!

You Have Five Seconds.

Thousand-One, Thousand-Two...

I Smell Smoke In My Sweater.

( Coughing )

Open The Door!

Okay, I Will.

Thousand-Four, Thousand-Five.

Ooh, Using That Spray Doesn't Hide Anything.

Theo, It Wasn't Me.

Look, I Don't Care Who Was Doing The Smoking.

Just Please, Please, Don't Do It In Here!

It's Going To Cause Major Problems.

How Would You Know?

Dad Caught Me And Cockroach Smoking

In My Room Once.

He Yelled So Loud, I Still Have Cracks In My Walls.

If You Love Me, You'll Stop.

Okay, Althea?

What's Going On In Here?

Nothing, Rudy.

Vanessa, Have You Been Smoking?

No. Can You Smell Cigarette Smoke?

All The Way Downstairs.

This Is All Your Fault.

You Just Had To Smoke.

Cigarettes Aren't Good For You.

They Make Your Breath Stink...

Your Lungs Dirty

And Then You Die.

Rudy, I Think She Gets The Message.

Come On.

None Of My Friends Smoke.

Hi, Mr. Lee.

Is It Time? No, No, No.

I Was Just Saying Hi.

Oh, Hi.

Hi.

I'm Waiting Out Here For A While.

Are You Okay?

Oh, Sure.

Well, Your Daughter Said To Me

If You Don't Feel Like It, It's All Right.

I Want To Be In There!

You're Sure? Yes.

You're Okay?

If She Asked, I'd Have The Baby For Her.

You'll Need A Different Doctor For That.

Hey, Teatime.

Yeah.

I Hope You Like Cinnamon Delight.

I Hate Cinnamon Delight.

I Also Have Snappy Apple.

Just Bring Me Warm Water.

Any Updates?

I Checked Everybody.

Mrs. Schrader Will Go First.

No Way, Dr. Huxtable.

Mrs. Gregory's Fully Dilated.

The Station Is Plus One.

I Hate To Contradict

But She's Going To Go First.

Mrs. Schrader's Been Here Eight Times.

When Schrader Babies See Daylight, They Run.

It's Your Experience Against My Data?

Excuse Me, Dr. Huxtable, I Think Room Number...

Ah! Wait One Second.

Is It Mrs. Schrader?

Yes.

( Whistling )

I'll Be Right There.

Okay. Will You Be Assisting, Dr. Eckert?

Yes, Nance.

Uh, Doctor Eckert...

You Just Called Her "Nance."

No, I Didn't.

What Did He Say?

Nance, But I Don't Think He Meant Anything By It.

I Didn't Mean Anything By It.

I'm Not The One Who Said It, You Are.

Mrs. Schrader's The One Who Started It.

Hi, Dad.

Hey, Hi.

How Did Things Go?

Everything Went Just Fine.

Brought Back Some Banana Bread, Delivered Three Babies.

Want To Know How Things Went Here?

Well, How Did Things Go At Home?

Something Happened While You Were Gone.

What?

Dad, I Tried To Stop It, But I Couldn't.

What Happened?

Althea Smoked In My Room.

Smoked What?

Two Cigarettes.

The Kind You Buy In Stores?

Yeah.

Did You Smoke Any Of Them?

No. I Said To Stop, But She Wouldn't.

Okay.

"Okay"?!

That's All You're Going To Say?

Yeah.

Come Here.

Come Here.

Listen...

You're 13.

Thirteen.

You Got A Lot Of Things.

You Got Cigarettes, You Got Drugs.

You Got What Lipstick To Wear.

You Got Boys.

You Got To Make Up Your Mind About Peer Pressure--

Good And Bad.

And Listen-- Sometimes You May Not Know What To Do.

You're Not Mad?

No.

Theo Said

When You Caught Him And Cockroach Smoking

You Yelled So Loud, The Walls Cracked.

Yes, Because Those Two Fools Were Upstairs Smoking.

I Knocked On The Door

And I Don't Know What They Were Thinking--

"Just A Minute! Just A Minute!"

I Hear All This And Open The Door.

There's Thick Smoke In The Room.

They Put The Cigarettes Under The Bed.

The Cigarettes Are Still Burning.

Smoke's Coming Out.

They're Sitting Like, "How You Doing, Dad?"

"Hi, Dr. Huxtable."

I Asked A Dumb Question.

I Said, "Have You Been Smoking?"

"No! No!"

Smoke Coming Out Their Mouths.

I Said, "What Is That On Your Breath?"

"We've Been Eating Really Strong Beef Jerky."

They're Lucky

I Didn't Crack More Than Just The Walls Yelling.

Dad, Thanks For Understanding.

As Long As You Understand That With This Family

Your Honesty Is Important

Your Love Is Important

And While You're Thirteen...

You'll Be A Pain In The Behind.

Clair.

Hi, Cliff.

It's 2:00 In The Morning.

I Know.

Why Are You Up?

I Couldn't Sleep And Decided To Do Some Work.

Be Honest.

Was I Snoring?

Like A Buzz Saw.

Why Didn't You Turn Me Over?

I Turned You Over. I Turned You Around.

Then You Turned Me Out.

I Never Leave You When You're Snoring.

That's Because I Don't Snore.

Ha!

Are You Kidding Me?

When The Head Is Back, Mouth Wide Open

Little Camel Flies Flying Around, And This...

( Loud Snore )

Come On Now.

Go To Bed.

Cliff, I'm Sorry.

I'm Just Not Sleepy.

( Soft Jazz Playing On The Stereo )

( Music Gets Louder )

( Turns Music Off )