Original subtitles

Hmm. That's Interesting.

When Are You Going To Sleep?

In A Minute.

This Is An Article About What Makes A Happy Marriage.

Hmm.

At The End Of The Article There's A Quiz.

Oh, No.

Let's Take The Quiz.

No.

It Will Be Fun.

I Don't Want To Take A Quiz.

I'm Already Happily Married.

That Quiz Will Mess Up My Marriage.

Are You Afraid We'll Find Out We Don't Have A Happy Marriage?

Question Number One:

"What Would You Change About Your Mate?"

Nothing.

Are You Saying I'm Perfect?

Absolutely.

It Says If Your Spouse Says "Nothing"

He Or She May Have Something To Hide.

That's Wrong, And They Lie.

There Must Be Something About Me You'd Change.

Well... Let Me Sleep On It.

I'll Make A List In The Morning.

Here's What I'd Change About You:

Sometimes When You Eat

You Put Your Fork In Your Mouth Sideways

And It Scrapes Your Teeth.

I Don't Like That.

I'm Sorry.

I Won't Do It Again.

Now It's Your Turn.

I Don't Have Anything.

Then I'll Go Again.

You Will?

Yes, I Will.

Okay.

Ah...

I Wish That There Were Two Of You

Instead Of Just One.

Cliff, That Is Very Sweet.

Are You Trying To Say That One Of Me Is Not Enough?

I'm Trying To Say I Wish There Were Two Of You

Because If One Started To Act The Way You Act Now

I'd Roll Over And Sleep With The Other One.

Hey, Dad.

How You Doing?

Is Something Wrong?

We're Going To Have To Get Rid Of The Station Wagon.

Betty Lou?

Yeah.

I Came Out Of The Hospital And Got Into Her.

She Wouldn't Start Up.

I Got Out, Went Around Front And Lifted Up The Hood.

I Was Looking.

Dr. Quinn Came Out.

He Said:

"You're Fooling Around With That Thing Again, Dr. Huxtable?

Why Don't You Get A Tow Truck And Have It Towed Away Forever?"

I Know That Betty Lou Heard Him

Because Her Windshield Started To Mist.

I Took The Wiper Blade

And I Wiped The Little Tears Off The Windshield.

You've Had Betty Lou For 15 Years.

15 Good Years, Too.

15 Years Of Sleet, Snow...

Snow?! Blizzards!

I'd Be On The Road On My Way To Deliver A Baby

And Snowplows Would See Betty Lou Coming

And They Would Pull Over To The Side As If To Say:

"Betty Lou, Lead The Way."

There Were Times When The Gauge Read "Empty"

And She Went Another 15 Miles On Fumes!

Oh, Betty Lou...

Dad...

You Have To Move On.

Yeah.

I Guess I Have To Get Another Car.

Mom's Wanted You To Get Rid Of Betty Lou For A Long Time.

Your Mother Has Always Been Jealous Of Her.

Are You Going To Get Another Station Wagon?

Yup.

Before You Do That

I Have An Idea.

What's That?

I Don't Think A Station Wagon Is The Way To Go.

Really?

The Family's Not That Big Anymore.

Denise And Sondra Are At College.

I'll Be In College Soon.

You're Saying I Should Get Something Smaller.

A Sedan?

I Had Something Else In Mind.

Like What?

Ohh... "X-K-Y 4000."

Yeah.

Whoa..!

Does This Woman Lying On The Hood Come With The Car?

No, Dad.

This Is A Sports Car.

Dad, This Sports Car Goes From Zero To 60 In 5.7 Seconds.

Think How Fast You Can Get To The Hospital

And Deliver Those Babies.

You're Thinking It's A Two-Seater.

Yes.

Vanessa Doesn't Go That Many Places With Us Anymore.

And If You Let Me Drive

Mom Could Sit On Your Lap.

What Do We Do With Rudy?

There's A Storage Space Behind The Seats.

Just Slide Her In There.

Let Me See This...

No... Better.

There's A Luggage Rack On The Trunk.

We Could Put Her On The Luggage Rack

And Strap Her Down.

Are You Teasing Me?

Yes.

I'm Going To Get A Station Wagon.

What About The "X-K-Y"?

You Can Get An "X-K-Y" When You Get The Do-Re-Mi.

One... Two... Three... Four...

Vanessa?

One Second.

What's Up?

I Need To Borrow A Ruler To Do My Report.

Okay. It's On The Desk.

What's Your Report About?

Mammals, Reptiles And Birds.

Can I Read It?

No.

Why Not?

If I Show You, You'll Say It's Wrong.

I Promise I Won't Say Anything.

Well... Okay.

Okay.

Mm-Hmm.

Mm-Hmm.

Well?

"Well" What?

What Do You Think?

I Promised Not To Say Anything.

Tell Me. I Want To Know.

Do You Want Nice Or Honest?

Honest.

It Stinks.

It Does Not Stink!

I'm Sorry, Rudy. You Wanted Honest.

Okay, Tell Me What's Wrong.

The Animals You Drew-- They're Way Off.

Under "Mammals" You Drew A Duck.

That's Not A Mammal.

That's Not A Duck.

What Is It?

It's A Giraffe.

Rudy, No One's Going To Think That's A Giraffe.

I'm Only Seven.

That's No Excuse.

You're Hiding Behind Your Age.

I Can't Draw.

Rudy, I'll Help

But Did Your Teacher Say You Had To Draw?

No.

Find Pictures Of Mammals And Birds, Cut Them Out

And Paste Them Onto The Page.

Underneath The Picture, Write The Name Of The Animal.

Do It Neatly

Because Teachers Love Neatness.

I Have To Start All Over?

It's Up To You.

You Can Be An "A" Student, Or Miss Sloppy Pig.

I Want An "A."

If You Like, I'll Look It Over When You're Through.

You Think I'm Coming Back Here?

I Understand. This Is The Price.

Yes, I'll Stand Firm On It.

Thank You, Bruce. Bye-Bye.

Dad, Aren't You Going To Get Ready?

I Am Ready.

Dressed Like That?

I'm Dressed Like This

Because When You Negotiate The Price Of A Car

You Can't Go In Looking Like You Have A Lot Of Money.

But The Price Of The Car Is Already On The Sticker.

That's The "Suggested Retail Price."

I'm Going To Go In And Negotiate With The Salesman

On What Will Be The Actual Price.

How Do You Know What To Offer?

I Talked To Dr. Bruce Bolden

Who Knows All About Cars And Also Happens To Be Cheap.

Okay.

Is There Anything I Can Do To Help?

Yes. You Cannot Let Anyone Know I'm A Doctor.

Okay.

If They Find Out I'm A Doctor

The Man Will Lose All Flexibility

In Determining The Price.

Okay, Mr. Huxtable. Am I Still Your Son?

No.

You Will Always Be My Son.

Thanks, Dad.

Will I Still Be Your Father?

No.

We Handle More Cars

Than Any Dealership In This Area.

I've Never Seen So Many Cars.

We've Got Five Miles Of Cars.

I'm Ready To Move Every One Of Them.

Have A Seat.

Thank You, Mr. Sarrette.

Please, Call Me Davis.

Now, That Station Wagon You Were Looking At--

Wasn't It A Beauty?

That's The Most Popular Model.

Even The Color You Wanted, Dad.

Looks Like Junior Approves.

Junior Doesn't Have Money To Pay For It.

That's True, But I'm Glad You Brought Him

Because Children Are Truly Wonderful.

Most Of Them.

I've Got Three Beautiful Daughters.

She's 12.

This One's Eight.

Check The Little Baby Out-- Seven Years Old.

Look At That Little Crooked Smile.

She'll Need Braces Pretty Soon.

( Ring )

Excuse Me.

Hello?

Hi, Dear.

It's My Wife.

$200? Ouch!

Well, Pay The Man. We've Got To Have Heat.

Yes, Ma'am.

Can't Have The Children Freezing This Winter.

I Love You, Too. Bye-Bye.

$200 Here, $200 There...

As Soon As I Make It, It's Gone.

Do You Have Any More Children?

I Have Four Daughters And A Son.

I Know Exactly What You Mean.

There's Two Of Them In College.

The Others Have Braces.

I Don't Have Any Clothes

Because I Spend Everything Dressing Him.

Must Be Quite Expensive Raising A Large Family.

Oh, Yeah.

May I Ask What You Do For A Living?

Yes. I Work.

Don't We All?

Where?

Where? Huh?

Hard.

Doing What?

What Difference Does It Make As Long As You Work Hard?

What Does Your Father Do That's So Hard?

I Wouldn't Want To Do It.

Let's Take Your New Car For A Test Drive.

My New Car?

I'm A Salesman And A Seer.

I See You In That Car.

Can You Also See Me Getting A Good Deal?

A Great Deal.

All Right!

Dr. Huxtable!

"Doctor"?

Dr. Huxtable!

It's Good To See You, Doctor.

Hello, Mr. Babbitt.

What Are You Doing Here?

I'm Having My Car Serviced. What About You?

I Came To Buy A Station Wagon.

A Station Wagon?! With Your Money?!

What Are These Clothes You're Wearing?

I Go Into This Guy's Office.

He Wears Designer Sweaters--

One Of His Sweaters

Costs More Than My Whole Wardrobe.

How's Mrs. Huxtable?

Oh... So-So.

I Heard She Was Made A Partner

In Her Law Firm.

Now... What Did You Say You Do?

Hey, Rudy, How's It Going?

I'm Almost Finished.

Already? That Was Fast.

This Is Good.

You Like It?

Yeah. These Pictures Are Great.

Where Did You Get Them?

Out Of These Books.

These Books?

Yeah.

The Encyclopedia?

Yeah.

Dad's "Audubon Book Of Birds"?

The One Mom Gave Him For His Birthday?

That One Had Lots Of Good Pictures In It.

You Just Ruined Some Very Valuable Books.

You Told Me To Cut Out Pictures.

Not Out Of Books. Out Of Magazines.

You Didn't Say Magazines.

That Is What I Meant.

You Didn't Say That.

It Doesn't Matter.

You Are In Major Trouble.

So Are You.

Me?

It's Your Fault.

Dad Left You In Charge.

You're The One Who Cut Out The Pictures!

You're The One Who Left Me Alone With Scissors.

Hey!

Got The Shoes I Wanted And On Sale.

Vanessa's In Trouble.

I Am Not.

What's Wrong?

Vanessa Told Me

To Cut Pictures Out Of These Books.

Vanessa!

I Just Told Her To Find Pictures Of Mammals And Birds.

Did You Tell Her Where To Find The Pictures?

No.

You Should Have.

Why Is Everyone Blaming Me?!

Dad Left You In Charge.

I'm Only 13.

Dad's Not Going To Buy That.

Daddy Only Put Me In Charge Because You Weren't Here.

I Have Friends To See And Shopping To Do.

I Can't Spend All My Time Here.

We Need To Be Supervised.

I've Spent Half My Life Baby-Sitting You.

I'm In College Now.

Mom And Dad Are Paying For It.

What's That Got To Do With Anything?

You Should Be Paying Them Back

By Taking Care Of Us.

It's Your Fault, Too!

It Is Not.

Let's Not Argue, Okay?

Dad Will Settle This When He Gets Home.

And You Two Are In Big Trouble.

You Have To Admit

That Was Probably The Smoothest Ride

You've Ever Had In A Station Wagon.

What Will You Sell The Car For?

Well, You Saw The Price On The Sticker.

All Right.

My Mind Is Like A Prairie--

It's Wide Open.

Give Me A Suggestion.

Are We Going To Write It

On A Piece Of Paper?

Uh-Huh.

I'm Dealing With A Pro.

Give This Back To Me When You're Done Writing.

I'm Done.

You're Joking, Right?

You're Kidding Me.

Your Father's Playing With Me, Right?

You Have A Joke?

I Certainly Do.

Is It Funnier Than Mine?

It's Hilarious.

You'll Love This One.

Cliff: Uh-Huh.

You Only Took $150 Off.

But I'll Give You That Rear Window Defroster For Free.

I Don't Need A Rear Window Defroster.

I Have Junior.

When I Drive In The Car

And The Rear Window Frosts Up

I Stop And I Say, "Junior"-- He's Out.

This Is My Best Offer.

You'll Have To Come Up Some.

This Price Includes My Trade-In.

What Trade-In?

I Have A Car Out Here.

Let Me Look.

This Could Change Everything.

All Right.

I Don't See Nothing But An Old, Abandoned Station Wagon.

I'll Have To Add $300 To The Price

To Tow That Thing Off My Lot.

I See You're Attached To Her, And I Am A Sentimental Guy

So I'll Give You A Respectable Price.

Add $500 To Your Final Offer, We Got A Deal.

One Hundred.

It's Going To Take At Least 400.

Two Hundred.

Three Hundred.

Two.

You Can't Afford Another Hundred?

No, Sir.

I'm Sorry.

As Much I'd Like To Make This Deal, I Can't.

Okay. Well, Thank You, Mr. Sarrette.

We Certainly Appreciate Your Time.

Are We Really Leaving?

Yes.

Sarrette: Wait, Wait, Wait, Wait.

You Mean You'd Walk Out This Door Over $100?

Yes, Sir.

I'll Tell You What.

You Know You're Making Me Work Hard Here.

I'll Meet You Halfway. Fifty.

You Have A Deal.

All Right, We Did It!

Ow!

Vanessa: Hi, Dad.

Hi. What Have We Here?

We Thought We'd Do Something Special.

How Nice!

Dad, Sit Down.

Talk To Us.

So, How Did It Go With The Car?

Well, Fine.

We Have A Brand-New Station Wagon Tomorrow Morning.

Splendid!

Oh, Thank You.

Would You Care For An Appetizer?

An Appetizer?

Oh, My Goodness.

It Is Antipasto, Dad.

Your Favorite.

My... Mmm, Mmm, Mmm!

Cliff: Well...

What's Blown Up Or On Fire?

Nothing.

Don't Say "Nothing."

Something's Wrong.

What Have You Blown Up, What's Burned Up

Or What Have You Flushed Down The Toilet By Mistake?

We Were Saving That Till After Dinner.

No, I Want To Hear About It Now.

Okay. See, Rudy Was Given This Assignment

Where She Had To Find Pictures Of Reptiles, Mammals And Birds.

Cliff:. Mm-Hmm.

She Drew Some Pictures.

They Weren't Good Enough.

I Suggested She Find Some Nice Photographs.

So I Cut Up Your Books.

What Books?

Page 98.

And...

And?!

This One, Too.

Pages 105 To 128.

Is This Dinner Any Good?

Yes.

What Are We Having?

Chicken.

The Same Chicken That Was In This Book?