Original subtitles

( Telephone Ringing )

( Deep Voice ) Huxtable Residence.

Yeah, Denise Is Home.

Is This An Important Call?

How Long Will It Be?

Can't You Give Me A Guess?

Well, It Would Really Help Me

If It Could Be Shorter Than That.

Yeah.

Thanks, I'll Get Her.

Denise, Phone!

Denise: Okay, Thanks.

I Guess You're Wondering

What I'm Doing.

I'm Trying To Keep The Line Free

Because I'm Expecting An Important Call.

Tanya.

No. We Broke Up.

Yes, Now I Remember.

It's Randi Taylor.

Randi Went Back To Her Old Boyfriend.

Condola Burns.

No. It Didn't Quite Work Out With Condola.

Who Is It, Boy?

Maxine Kirkwood.

Maxine.

I'm Not Interested In Her.

I'm Interested In Her Best Friend, Lana Herman.

Lana Herman?

She Sounds Like An International Movie Star.

She Could Be, Dad.

She And Maxine Are Studying Tonight.

Maxine Said If They Need Help, They'd Call.

They Haven't Called Yet.

No. I've Never Talked To Lana, But I Want To.

Why?

Because She Has It.

She Has "It."

Right.

What?

It's Hard To Explain.

But When I See Her Walk Down The Hall...

You Say, "That's It."

Okay.

That's Right.

You Say, "That's It."

Tanya Doesn't Have "It?"

No.

Randi Doesn't Have "It?"

No. And Condola Doesn't Have "It."

No.

So Did They Give "It" To Lana?

Well, Now That's A Different Story.

I Sure Hope That Lana Calls Before She Loses "It."

So Do I.

Daddy, I'm Ready.

Rudy, Have A Good Time At Grandma And Grandpa's.

My Goodness.

Wait A Minute. Now Look.

Hold Tight There, Farmer.

When I Packed This Bag

It Was Not This Full, Ma'am.

I Put More Things In.

Will You Look At All This Stuff?

What's This In Here For?

They're My Necessities.

Whoa!

I Beg Your Pardon.

These Are "Necessities"?

Yes. Things That I Need.

Do You Need All Of These Necessities?

Why Don't You Just Take One Necessity?

Then The Other Two Will Be Lonely.

What Happened To The Toothbrush, The Pajamas

And The Comb And Brush That I Packed For You?

There Wasn't Enough Room.

We're Going To Go Back Upstairs, I'll Get Another Suitcase

And We Can Put The Non-Essentials Into It, Okay?

Daddy, Do Grandma And Grandpa Know How To Take Care Of Kids?

They Brought Me Up.

How Do You Think I Turned Out?

Tall.

"Tall"?

Come On.

Hey.

Who's On The Phone?

Jeanette.

We're Meeting In The Village.

The Village?

I Hear It's Great Down There.

You'll Have Lots Of Fun.

Want To Come?

Are You Serious?

Yeah.

You Want Me To Go With You?

Yes.

I Don't Believe This.

Hanging Out With You And Your Friends-- Being Cool.

I Must Be Dreaming.

What Will They Say When You Bring Your Little Sister?

We Won't Tell Them You're My Little Sister.

You're Taller Than I Am.

We'll Say You're In College.

From U.C.L.A.?

Sure.

In Med School?

You're Pushing It.

I'll Be A Freshman.

What Should I Wear?

For The Village, Dress Extra Funky.

How?

There's Only One Way-- Dad's Closet.

Hey...

I'm Taking Rudy

To Grandma And Grandpa's.

Okay.

What's Wrong With You?

I Don't Think Lana's Going To Call.

Don't Be Depressed About It, Okay?

Your Sisters Are Going To Greenwich Village

I'm Taking Rudy Over To Grandma And Grandpa's.

I Will Come Back And It Will Just Be The Two Of Us--

The Huxtable Men.

Here, Together.

Sounds Good.

What We Will Do Is

Have The First Meeting Of The Huxtable Men's Club.

No Women Allowed.

All Right?

I'll Go Out And I'll Rent Some Black And White Cowboy Pictures.

Then I'll Go And Get Some Hoagies, Huh?

And Load Up.

I Could Go For Hoagies.

Good Hoagies.

But Mom Doesn't Like You

Eating Them.

Your Mother Is 500 Miles Away At Hillman.

You Understand?

And One Of The Main Rules Of The Huxtable Men's Club Is

Whatever You Eat Is A Secret.

The Secret Will Remain Locked Within Me.

Mon Frere.

Mon Frere.

Wait, Dad.

You Should Get Something Else.

Near Beer.

Near Beer?

Yeah, It Looks Like Beer And Tastes Like Beer

But It Contains No Alcohol.

Why Do You Want That?

Since It's A Men's Club, We Should Do What Men Do.

I'll Bring Back A Big Jug Of Grape Juice.

We'll Have Some Near Wine.

( Doorbell )

Cliff: Open The Door!

I'll Get It, Russell.

Heathcliff, Heathcliff.

I Was Standing Outside

When This Girl Came Up And Said, "I Need A Home."

She's Got One Here.

Grandma! Grandpa!

Rudy, Did You Bring Your Appetite With You?

Yes, Grandma.

I Hope You Won't Be Disappointed

Because I Thought We'd Have Spaghetti For Dinner.

Are You Kidding?

I Love Spaghetti.

And I'll Only Have Corn On The Cob With It.

Are You Kidding?

I Love Corn On The Cob!

And For Dessert, We Only Have Chocolate Cake.

Are You Kidding?

I Love Chocolate Cake!

Are You Kidding?

This Child May Never Leave Here.

Then We'll Just Keep Her Here.

Honey, I'm Going To Go, All Right?

Stay For A While.

I Can't Stay.

I Have To Get Back To Theo.

Give Me A Kiss.

Thank You.

I'll Come For You Tomorrow Morning.

Drive Safely.

Wear Your Seat Belt.

Of Course I'll Wear My Seat Belt.

Are You Kidding?!

I'm Going With Daddy.

Why?

He Might Get Scared.

Why Would He Get Scared?

Because Sometimes There's A Monster In His Closet

And I Have To Scare It Away.

Maybe Theo Will Help Your Dad.

Monsters Aren't Afraid Of Theo.

We Don't Have Monsters In Our Closet

So There's Nothing To Worry About Here.

That's Right. I'll Take Your Bags Upstairs.

What If Bobo And His Friends Get Scared?

You Brought Your Stuffed Animals?

Yes. They Said They Might Get Scared.

Maybe I Should Take Them Home.

What If I Talk To Them?

No. They'll Only Feel Better At Home.

Rudy, I'll Talk To Your Stuffed Animals

And If They're Still Afraid, We'll Take All Of You Home.

All Right.

Let's Go.

Are You Sure There Are No Monsters Upstairs?

I Promise There's Not.

See You Later, Theo.

Why Are You Dressed Like That?

We're Going To The Village.

If Dad Sees You, You're In Trouble.

That's Why He Won't See Us.

Wait, Vanessa, That's My Tie.

It Looks Better On Me.

If You Want

You Can Wear Something Out Of Her Closet.

Right.

Have A Nice Time, Gentlemen.

And Vanessa, Please Don't Spill Anything On My Tie.

Are We Driving Down There?

No, We're Taking The Subway.

The "D" Train Stops In The Village.

Are You Expecting Someone?

Hello, Does Theo Huxtable Live Here?

Uh, Yeah.

He's Our Brother.

I'm Denise. This Is Vanessa.

I'm Maxine Kirkwood, And This Is Lana Herman.

Come In.

Take Off Your Coats.

Did Theo Invite You Over?

No. We Thought We'd Surprise Him.

Well, He'll Be Surprised.

I'll Go Tell Him You're Here.

Have A Seat.

Come On, Vanessa.

Theo, Guess Who's In The Living Room.

Who?

Lana Herman.

Yeah, Right.

No, She Is, And She Brought Her Friend, Maxine Kirkwood.

And They Want To Take Me Dancing, Right?

They're In There, Theo, Honest.

Why Didn't I Hear The Doorbell?

Because As We Walked Out, They Walked In.

Is That The Best You Two Can Do?

Theo, It's The Truth!

This Isn't Funny.

You Don't Joke Around

When It Comes To A Woman Like Lana Herman.

Okay.

Hi, Theo.

I Guess We Surprised You.

Mm-Hmm.

Well, Theo, We're Off.

Enjoy Your Evening.

It Was Nice To Meet You.

Bye-Bye.

I Have This On Because Tonight's Men's Night.

It's The First One We've Ever Had.

I Planned To Eat A Hoagie

But I'll Go Change

So We Can Do Our Homework.

So Help Yourself...

The Peanut Butter's There

And Celery Is In The Kitchen.

Just Don't Leave.

Rudy, Grandmother And I

Have Always Loved Animals.

Bobo, Clarence And Marsha, If You'll Stay

We'll Show You The Time Of Your Life.

That's Right. How Are They Now?

They're Still Scared.

They Want To Go Home.

Okay. We Tried.

Should We Take Them Home Now

Or After She's Had Her Spaghetti?

After The Spaghetti.

Okay, But Before We Eat, Do You Know What Would Be Fun?

Looking At Family Pictures.

Good Idea.

All Right, Rudy?

Sure.

Come On Over.

Most Of These Pictures Were Taken

When We'd Only Been Married A Few Years.

That's Right.

That's A Pretty Hat, Grandma.

Thank You.

That Was High Fashion Back Then.

Especially If You Were A Hipster.

What's That?

Hipsters Knew

The Latest Dances And Sayings

And Wore The Latest Clothes.

We Could Straighten Up And Fly Right.

Are You Hip To The Jive?

Solid.

Then Slip Me Some Skin.

Beautiful!

Can I Have Some Skin, Grandpa?

Absolutely.

Beautiful!

Beautiful!

Russell, I Think We've Got A Hipster In Our Midst.

I Believe So.

Rudy, I Still Have That Hat

In The Closet Upstairs.

Do You Want To Try It On?

Yes!

Come On.

I'll Find Some Accessories To Go With It.

We'll Come Down And Model For Grandpa.

Rudy?

Yes, Grandpa?

I'll Plant You Now And Dig You Later.

Beautiful!

If You Ask Me

Mr. Pierce Is The Hardest Math Teacher.

If You Don't Put The Date On Assignments

You Lose 10 Points.

He's Tough. Right?

Mm-Hmm. Yeah.

Lana, Shouldn't You Call Home?

Why?

To Let Them Know

We're At Theo's.

There's The Phone. Okay.

Is There Another Phone?

In The Kitchen.

Use That One

So You Won't Disturb Our Studying.

Okay.

Excuse Me.

Lana Is Really Nice.

Yeah.

We've Been Best Friends Forever.

She's Shy

But Once You Get To Know Her, She's Lots Of Fun.

She's A Great Dancer.

Really?

Why Don't You Ask Her Out?

Do What?

Ask Her Out. Lana Likes You.

She Does?

Why Do You Think We're Here?

To Get Help With Math.

Why Would We Do That

When We Get Higher Grades In Math Than You Do?

I Guess You're Right.

Do You Like Lana?

Yeah.

Good. When She Comes Back

Ask Her Out.

She Might Say "No."

She Won't.

You're Sure?

Yes, I'm Sure.

Mom Wasn't Worried At All.

Oh, Good.

Excuse Me.

What Problem Are We On?

Page 165, Problem 26.

( Coughing )

Theo...

Lana, Would You Like To Go Out With Me?

On A Date?

Yeah.

I'd Love To.

You Would?

Anna: Russell, Are You Ready?

Sure Am.

Well!

Well, Look At This.

How Do You Like Your Sophisticated Ladies?

You're The Cat's Meow.

What Is That?

That's Sharp As A Tack.

When Ladies Look As Good As You

It's Hard To Resist Asking Them To Cut A Rug.

What's That Mean?

It Means "Shall We Dance?"

Of Course.

Would You Turn The Record Player On?

Solid.

( Big Band Music )

Hi. Hi.

Yeah, I Live Here.

We're Friends Of Theo's.

I'm Maxine Kirkwood.

I'm Lana Herman.

Well... Lana Herman.

I Guess My Son Is Somewhere In This House In A Good Mood.

He's In The Kitchen Making Popcorn.

Yes, All Right. Thank You.

Have A Sit-Down.

( Humming )

Hey.

Hey, Dad.

Did You See Who's In The Living Room?

There's Nobody In The Living Room.

They Left?!

Wait! Wait!

Come Here.

I Was Just Kidding.

I Didn't Know You Were Going To Run Over Your Own Father.

They Just Came Over.

They Said They Wanted To Talk About Math

But That's Not The Reason.

They Came Over Because Lana Likes Me.

She Told Me.

We're Going On A Date--

She And Me...

Her And I...

Both Of Us.

I'm Disappointed.

You Are?

Yes.

This Was The First Meeting Of The Huxtable Men's Club

And There You Go Breaking The First Rule--

No Women Allowed.

Dad, It's Not My Fault.

It Doesn't Make Any Difference.

You've Got Women In Here.

How Are We Going To Enjoy The Hoagies?

We'll Have To Use Napkins.

We'll Have To Cancel The Meeting.

That's All There Is To It.

Want Me To Send Them Home?

If I Did, I'd Have To Sleep With One Eye Open

For The Rest Of My Life.

You Take This

And You Take The Ladies Out To The White House.

Get Some Hoagies And Buy Them Some Near Soda.

You Don't Mind That I'm Leaving You Here By Yourself?

One Of The Rules Of The Huxtable Men's Club Is

If You Find A Good Woman, The Meeting Is Adjourned.

Thanks, Dad.

The Other Rule Is

If You Can Get Rid Of The Other Members

You Can Have All The Hoagies To Yourself.

Hear Ye, Hear Ye.

The First Meeting Of The Huxtable Men's Club

Will Now Come To Order.

We'll Take Roll.

Huxtable?

Present.

Anybody Else In The Club?

No.

What Shall We Do First?

We Want To Eat.

Okay.

We Have Some Food Here.

We Have Some Things Mrs. Huxtable Suggested.

Throw It Out.

Listen To This.

We Have Healthy Rice Cakes.

We Don't Want Any.

Okay.

We Have Something Else

Mrs. Huxtable Would Like Us To Eat To Live Longer--

Apple Juice.

Throw That Out, Too.

Okay.

Here We Have A Giant Hoagie

That's Full Of Preservatives And Additives

And You May Not Live As Long.

Let's Try It.

Okay.

We Have Salty Chips That Will Kill You Soon, Too.

Yes, Let's Die.

We Have Cola

For Gas, Burping Loud And Sounding Crude.

Let's Do It Right.

We Have Popcorn With No Salt.

We'll Throw That Away, Too.

All Right.

We've Got Movies Up Here.

No, We Want Dancing Girls.

You Can't Have Dancing Girls.

Denise, This Was

The Best Night Of My Life.

We'll Do It Again Sometime.

You'd Invite Me Again?

Sure. You're Not Bad... For A Little Sister.

Uh-Oh.

Dad's On The Couch Watching A Movie.

What If He Sees Us?

He's Watching Cowboy Movies

And Eating Hoagies.

He Won't Notice Us.

Are You Sure?

Yes. Trust Me.

Hi, Dad.

How's Everybody?

Oh, Great.

Have A Good Time?

Oh, Yeah.

Do Me A Favor.

Take My Clothes Off And Put Them In The Closet.

Denise: Oh, Yeah.

( Ring )

Hello?

Hello, Mrs. Morgan.

You're Ready?

Okay.

All Right, I'm On My Way.

Okay.

Hello?!

Denise: Hello!

I Have To Leave!

Denise: Okay!

What's Happening?

Club's Over.

What About The Dancing Girls?

We Don't Want Them Anymore.

We Have To Deliver A Baby.

Why?

Because I'm A Doctor.

What Did They Do Before Doctors?

Just Came Out By Themselves, I Guess.