Original subtitles

What Did You Get For Nineteen?

Number Nineteen... Ferdinand Magellan.

All Right! Magellan!

One More Right, And I Ace The Test.

Ladies And Gentlemen, This One Is For The Car

And The Trip To Hawaii.

Number Twenty Was...?

Coronado.

It Was Pizarro.

It Had To Be Coronado.

Tanya, We're Talking Senor Pizarro, Here.

Ask Andy. He Gets Straight As.

Hey, Andy?

What Was Number Twenty?

Cortez.

So We Got One Wrong.

Theo...

Yeah.

See You Later.

Okay.

Hey, Dad.

Hey.

I Need To Discuss Something With You.

What Is It?

It's A Relationship Thing.

I've Been Seeing Tanya For A While

And We Like Each Other.

What's Wrong?

Another Girl Is After Me.

Randi Taylor. She's Incredible.

Every Guy At School Has Asked Her Out And Failed.

And She Wants You?

No Matter Where I Am

She's Looking At Me.

It's Not A Regular Look.

It's One Of These...

All The Time?

Every Time I Turn Around.

How Come Every Time You Turn Around

You're Looking At Her?

To See If She's Looking At Me.

I See.

She Starts It.

Does She Know You're Going With Tanya?

She Has To, But I Don't Think She Cares.

She's Willing To Throw Caution To The Wind To Get You?

I Don't Know About All That.

But Look What She Left In My Locker.

"Hi, Theo... Randi."

Check Out How She Dotted The "I" In Her Name.

With A Circle.

Not A Circle. It's A Heart.

Okay... If You Look At It Long Enough.

What Should I Do?

That's A Tough Question.

I Like Tanya

And I Don't Want To Hurt Her Feelings.

But It's Obvious Randi Likes Me.

If I Don't Do Anything, She'll Feel Rejected.

You Don't Want That.

So, As A Courtesy

I Should Take Her Out Once, Right?

Well?

Well, What?

Tell Me What I Should Do.

You're My Father.

I'm Coming To You For Guidance.

You Want Me To Tell You To Go Out With Randi.

You Think I Should Take Her Out?

I Didn't Say That.

So I Shouldn't Take Her Out?

I Didn't Say That.

What Are You Saying?

I Have Five Children.

I've Lived Through Two Older Daughters.

I've Dealt With Matters Of The Heart.

I'm Not Doing That Anymore.

Just Tell Me When You're Getting Married...

What The Date Is.

I Will Show Up.

I Will Bring A Present.

I'll Have A Card

That Says "Congratulations To Theo And Randi"

Or "Theo And Tanya"

Or "Theo And The Ice Capades."

So I'm On My Own?

If You Have A Problem--

A Matter Of The Heart--

And You Want Somebody To Talk To

Who Will Listen And Not Give You An Answer

I'm Here All The Time.

Thanks, Dad.

You're Welcome.

(Knocking)

Come In.

Hey, Theo.

What's Up?

Ready To Study?

I Suppose.

A Little More Enthusiasm, Will You?

We're Talking Higher Education, Here.

When Did You Get Excited About College?

One Day I Realized I Wanted To Go.

When His Dad Said If He Didn't, Get A Degree

He Wouldn't Get The Family Business.

That Helped Me. So Could We Start?

Okay.

First, Can You Guys Keep A Secret?

Yeah.

Sure.

You Can't Tell Anyone.

Do You Know Randi Taylor?

Are You Kidding?

Burger Supreme.

She's After Me.

Are You Sure?

Yes.

How Do You Know?

This Was In My Locker.

Wow! You Are Set.

See The Heart?

Where? Where?

Over The "I".

That's A Circle.

It's A Heart.

Maybe Her Pen Slipped.

How Do You Live Such A Full Life?

I Didn't Do Anything.

She Made The First Move.

Unbelievable.

I'm Not Surprised.

Lots Of Girls Like You.

Get Out Of Here.

They Talk About You.

Really?

You Know What They Say?

What?

You're Good-Looking, But You Don't Know It.

Get Out Of Here.

That's What Women Like--

A Guy Who's Good-Looking, But Acts Like He's Not.

Cockroach, I'm An Okay-Looking Guy.

They Love It When You're Not Conceited.

That's Why Women Like You.

Please!

When I Started Acting Like I Wasn't So Good-Looking

It Helped A Lot.

That's My Problem.

I Don't Know How To Act Around Girls.

Just Be Yourself.

With A Little Me Thrown In.

Yeah, Very Little.

You Asking Randi Out?

I Don't Know.

That Attitude Will Get Her More Interested.

I'm Not Sure I Want That.

Have You Talked To Her?

Let's Drop It And Start Studying.

This Is Better Than Studying.

This Is Life.

No, Gerald. Theo's Right.

We're Here To Get Me My Scrap Iron Business.

Let's Start With The Verbal Section.

These Are Word Analogies.

Number One:

"Magnet Is To Metal As:

"A) Hammer Is To Nail. B) Radar Is To Airplane.

C) Theo Is To Randi."

"C."

What Are You Doing?

I Am Sending Denise A Care Package.

Oh, Good.

Whoo-Hoo! Macadamia Nuts.

You're Sending Her Macadamia Nuts?

Yes.

Denise Hates Macadamia Nuts.

Why Are You Sending Them To Her?

You Know Denise Loves Macadamia Nuts.

No, She Doesn't.

She Does And You Know It.

I Love Macadamia Nuts, Too.

Well, If You Go To College, I'll Send You Some.

You're A Nice Person.

Have You Spoken To Rudy?

No. Why?

Rudy Wants To Have A Tea Party.

Theo And Vanessa Are Busy, And I Have To Go To The Office

So Could You Have Tea With Rudy?

Are You Kidding?

I Love Rudy's Tea Parties.

She Makes The Most Delicious-Tasting Invisible Tea.

She'll Be Thrilled.

Where Is She?

In The Living Room With Bobo.

Hey.

How You Doing?

You Know What?

I'm Very Upset.

Why?

Well, I Heard

That A Certain Person--

I'm Not Naming Any Names Or Anything--

Is Having A Tea Party And Didn't Invite Me.

I Thought You Were Busy.

Everyone Else Was.

Busy?

Do I Look Busy?

Do I Look Like A Busy Person?

I'll Get The Tea Set.

No, No, No.

Wait, Wait, Wait.

If We're Going To Have Tea

We Have To Do It The Proper Way.

We'll Have It At Teatime.

When's That?

4:00 P.M.

And We Will Dress Sort Of Fancy-Like.

I'll Wear A Dress.

You'll Wear A Jacket And Tie.

No Pants?

Daddy!

Amplifier Is To Hear As Microscope Is To See.

Right!

All Right.

Let's Take A Break.

Good Idea.

Yeah, My Brain Cells Are Smoking.

I Keep Thinking About Your Problem, Theo.

I'd Love To Have It.

Who's It Going To Be?

Tanya, Or The Ever-Popular Randi?

Maybe I Can Keep Tanya As A Steady Girlfriend

And Date Randi Once In A While.

Dream On.

That's Not How It Works.

Theo, You Have To Stay With Tanya.

Why?

He Gave Her A Ring.

He Can Take It Back.

So You're Voting For Randi?

Absolutely.

Don't Feel Sorry For Tanya

'Cause I'll Start Dating Her.

You're Not Going Out With Tanya.

I Will If You Dump Her.

I Don't Believe This.

Would You Rather She Went Out With Strangers?

Yeah!

Theo

If You Dump Tanya, She Can Date Anyone.

It Should Be Me.

Give Me One Good Reason.

'Cause I Haven't Had A Date In Four Months.

Wait A Minute.

What About That Date With Lisa Worthington?

We Didn't Go Out.

We've Never Gone Out.

You Told Me You Went Out Six Or Seven Times.

I Meant To Say

That I've Asked Her Out Six Or Seven Times.

Do Girls Talk About Us Like This?

Nah.

Are You Kidding?

I've Heard My Sisters.

What Do They Say?

Everything, And They're Worse Than Us.

Wait A Minute.

You Mean They Sit Around

And Talk About Our Bodies?

Absolutely.

And They Show No Mercy.

That's Disgusting.

You Guys See Yourself Being Married?

I Wonder What It Would Be Like

To Be With The Same Person For 20 Years.

My Folks Still Kiss After 25 Years.

Mine Are All Over Each Other.

Is That All Taped Up?

Yes.

It's All Taped Up The Way You Want It?

Yes.

Ready To Go?

Yes.

Good.

Then It's Too Late To Include These.

Cliff, You Are Terrible.

Hey, Mom.

Hi, How Did The Studying Go?

We Covered A Lot Of Subjects.

Anything To Do With College?

Some Of Them.

(Ring)

Huxtable Residence.

Hi, Tanya.

You Do?

Uh, Well, Okay.

I'll Be Here.

Yeah.

See You Then.

Tanya?

She's Coming Over.

You Don't Look Too Happy.

My Relationship With Tanya Is In Trouble.

Really?

Clair--

Matters Of The Heart.

Proceed With Caution.

Theo, What's Going On With You And Tanya?

It's Not Working Out The Way It Should Be.

We're Not Like You And Dad.

Your Father And I Have Been Married Almost 23 Years.

You Dated In High School.

You Always Knew You Were Meant For Each Other.

I Don't Know About That Now.

I Had My Doubts At First.

I Never Did.

I Knew Your Mother Was The One From The First Time I Saw Her.

You Mean You Never Wanted To See Anyone Else?

Never.

That's How I Want It To Be With Me And Tanya.

Wait A Minute.

Cliff?

You Never Wanted To See Anyone Else?

Never.

What About Eunice Chantilly?

Eunice Chantilly?!

Mm-Hmm.

See, Theo, All Through High School

Your Father Had A Severe Case Of Overheating

For One Miss Eunice Chantilly--

A Flouncy Little Tart In High Heels And Tight Sweaters

Who Was 18 And Still In The Ninth Grade.

Son, She Was Just A Friend

And Someone I Could Talk To.

Eunice Chantilly Was Known For Many Things

But Conversation Was Not One Of Them.

And I Am Convinced

Your Father Still Has A Picture Of Eunice Hidden In This House.

Theo, Come Here.

Do You Want To See Someone Else?

Yeah.

But I Still Like Tanya.

That's Okay, You're Young

And You Have Lots Of Time.

But, Uh...

Just Whatever You Decide To Do

Be Honest With Yourself With And Tanya.

Okay, I Will.

Okay.

And, Mom...

Hmm?

I Want To Thank You For Helping Me Out.

Anytime.

(Doorbell)

Hi.

Come On In.

Can I Take Your Coat?

No, I'm Not Staying Long. I Have To Get Back Home.

Okay. Well, Have A Seat.

Theo, I Want To Talk To You.

I Want To Talk To You, Too.

You Do?

Yeah.

I Want To Be Honest With You.

So Do I.

Good.

I Know About The Note From Randi.

You Do?

Marsha Told Me About It.

That's Sort Of What I Wanted To Talk To You About.

I See How You Look At Randi.

You Seem Interested In Her.

Am I Right?

Well, Not Really.

Yeah, You're Right.

Do You Think We Should Stop Seeing Each Other For A While?

What Do You Think?

I Think We Should.

You Do?

The Last Couple Of Weeks

Things Have Been Different With Us.

I Know.

It Isn't Just You-- It's Me, Too.

Do You Know Charlie Myers?

Isn't He In The Band?

He's My Section Leader...

And We've Been Talking A Lot Lately.

Doesn't He Know We're Going Steady?

We've Just Been Talking

But I Think Maybe We'd Like To Go Out.

You Mean Like On A Date?

Yeah.

Whoa.

Aren't You Thinking Of Dating Randi?

Kind Of.

Are We Breaking Up?

I Guess.

I Should Give This Back.

No, Keep It!

It's A Friendship Ring, And We're Still Friends.

Right.

And Who Knows?

Theo, You're The First Guy Who's Ever Been Wild About Me.

Come On.

Really. Thanks.

When Someone Likes You That Much

It Gives You Confidence.

If It Wasn't For You

I Couldn't Have Talked To Charlie.

Uh... I'm Glad.

I Better Be Going.

Okay.

Well, I Guess I'll See You At School.

Bye, Tanya.

Bye, Theo.

(British Accent) I Say.

I Say.

Would You Care, Old Bean, To Join Me For Some Tea?

I Need To Talk To You.

This Is Serious.

We Need To Talk.

Okay.

Tanya Just Left.

You Want To Hear Something?

She Dumped Me For Another Guy.

Well, Weren't You Going To Dump Her For Another Girl?

But, Dad... Charlie Myers?

She Dumped Me For Charlie Myers.

What's Wrong With Charlie Myers?

Nothing, Dad.

I Just Can't Picture Him And Tanya Together.

I Don't Think You Can Picture Tanya With Anyone Except You.

Now Come On.

(British Accent) Let's Have Some Tea, My Boy.

Here We Go.

Charlie...

Charlie Myers, Dad.

Charlie Myers.

I Know...

I Know.

Ah, It's Teatime.

Yes.

And I Brought With Me My Friend, Theo Huxtable

The Earl Of Melancholy.

Do Sit Down.

Thank You.

Have A Seat, My Good Man.

Charlie Myers.

Shall I Pour?

Please Do.

Ahh, My Goodness

The Weather Certainly Is Wonderful, Isn't It?

Hasn't The Weather Been Simply Delightful?

Yes, What Do You Think, Earl?

Whatever You Say, Dad.

I Have To Apologize For The Earl's Behavior.

He's Quite Depressed, You See.

Woman Problems?

(Ring)

The Phone.

(Ring)

Huxtable Residence.

Theo?

Well, He's A Little Depressed Right Now.

Who's Calling?

Maxine.

Well...

Maxine?!

I'll Take It!

Dad, That's Maxine Kirkwood.

She's A Majorette.

Looking For A Major.

I'll Take It In The Living Room.

All Right. Good Luck.

(Ring)

(Ring)

That Was The Lady Maxine Calling

For The Earl Of Rebound.

Quite All Right.

I Would Like To Propose A Toast

To The Beautiful Lady Rudy--

Whose Teeth Happen To Be Much Larger Than Her Face.

But This Is A Toast, An English Toast.

Not About Teeth.

Not About Your Teeth?

I Said About The Tea.

Tea.

Whose Tea-Th...

I'm Sorry.

But We'll Toast, Anyway.