Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

What are you going to wear?

I don't know. Either the black or purple.

The black. 100%.

Maybe something else?

You always want to change last minute. Wear the black.

You sure I look all right?

Yes, Dani, you look good.

Everything looks good on you.

Thank you, Tania.

-What's wrong? -Nothing.

Tell me.

-I don't know, I feel, like, nervous. -Nervous about what?

I don't know, I'm just anxious.

C'mon, don't start.

-I have a premonition. -Of what?

Rodrigo, did you see the match today?

No. You talking about soccer?

Yeah, of course soccer.

Nah, I only watch soccer when Mexico is playing.

Hey, Benny, you're looking skinny, did you lose weight?

Skinny? You haven't seem him with his shirt off.

Excuse her for starving me.

The other day we had quesadillas.

What do you think when you hear quesadillas?

Three or four flour quesadillas overflowing with Oaxaca cheese.

Right? Oaxaca cheese, beans, red and green salsa…

and if you're hungry enough, with lettuce and sour cream.

What does she bring me?

Two quesadillas with nopal tortilla, panela cheese,

nothing fatty, and Tabasco sauce.

You always have to have an opinion.

Put that out, we are eating dinner.

Eating healthy is in.

The question is, is it really healthy to eat healthy?

Exactly. Quinoa, chia, akai.

-Açai. -Açai, shit.

So, Rodrigo, what's up with the photos?

Dani says they are very good.

What are they of?

A campaign to spread awareness against fast food culture.

-Ladies and gentlemen… -Here come the bride and groom!

The bride and groom have arrived!

Let's welcome them!

A round of applause, please!

-To the bride and groom. -To the bride and groom.

I think you and Benny are doing the same as us.

You don't know what you're talking about.

Seriously. When was the last time you guys did it?

Ten days ago.

Ten days?

-What? -That's not much.

What's up?

-Hello. -Hello.

Look, I wanna have good time.

The magic of alcohol.

Why don't we…

smoke a joint before they get started. It's so boring.

-Skinny, a joint right now? -Yes.

Let's dance.

-Well, I'd prefer a girl. -Me too.

Yeah, it's strange to want a girl first.

I'm 100% boy.

I'll be depressed in the hospital if they say, "Girl."

Come on.

Know what worries me the most about having kids?

Changing diapers.

What are you worried about? It's not your problem.

Like hell it isn't. He has to help me.

No way am I touching a diaper.

I don't understand why we still use diapers.

Why hasn't someone invented something more practical?

I can just see you directing the diaper to a trashcan via remote control

whenever it needs changed.

Exactly that but with Wi-Fi.

So it could send the crap…

wirelessly to the trashcan.

Then just push "empty trash," and no more crap!

You would need to buy so many gigs to store so much crap.

So, invite other moms to use the app.

They give you a deposit, and there you go.

Okay, enough. I'm going to pee.

Please, go.

I've gotta go to the restroom too, let's go.

I'll be right back.

-Will you hold onto my bag? -Yep, of course.

Fucking diapers.

It's been awhile since I've laughed like that.

Ooh, I'm pretty drunk.

I'm so drunk that I confused Rodrigo with some other guy

-and I grabbed his ass. -No!

You know what it's like.

Everything good with Rodrigo?

Yes. Perfect. You? With Benny?

Well, sure. For now.

It's really just a matter of when will we start fighting again.

-What? -I've got an idea.

It's a game.

Hey, Ugly, shall we dance?

Skinny, I'm really tired. Isn't it time to sleep?

All right, Ugly, stop drinking already. You're getting fat.

We'll have to put you on a diet.

What the fuck?

I think you're confused.

No, I'm not confused. You're my Skinny.

He is really skinny.

-Careful, girlfriend. -Girlfriend?

Can't you see I'm married.

Okay then, Mrs. Skinny,

can you grab my coat, please? I'm cold.

This wife is better than my other one.

-Fucking crazies. Let's dance. -Let's.

Cheers.

Are you okay?

-Fuck, we got wasted. -Fuck, you're my favorite cousin.

You know it.

Hey, you drive like Tania.

But I fuck much better.

Wanna race to the apartment?

-What do you think? -Are you still drunk?

No, I don't think so.

-What's the point? -There isn't one. Ready?

-Fucking crazy. -One, two--

Go, go go!

What the hell, asshole?

We won.

Can you imagine letting her get in a car with another man?

-…what it looks like. -Well, hopefully because…

-But we should keep our voices down. -Yes, yes.

-Which Daniela was it? -Daniela Cohen.

-Who's daughter? -Saul's.

So he traded one for the other.

-Fuck. -Fuck.

Really, we're truly sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Anything you need.

Hello.

I've been thinking about you nonstop.

I'm sorry, Aunt.

Excuse me.

I'm sorry. It's just so ridiculous that it makes me laugh.

It seems like a joke, right?

Benny and Daniela are dead.

Do you know what's happening to me?

My mind can't decide who to miss more. It's like a power struggle.

I have Benny's angel over here, fighting for attention,

saying, "I'm your husband. Think about me,"

and Dani's angel saying, "I'm your cousin,

your best friend, your soul mate."

"Think about me, cry over me, suffer over me."

Do you understand me?

Soul mate?

Whose idea was it?

The game.

-I'll see you. -Thanks for the coffee.

Hello. My condolences for you were appalling.

I've just finished giving Benny's condolences, too.

It's literally been the worst week of my life.

I miss you.

Sorry, sorry!

You're not going to believe where I just came from.

Where?

A motel. An auto hotel or auto motel, I can never remember what they're called.

Remember that photographer the magazine contracted? Rodrigo?

Did you fuck him?

I would normally take offense to such an ugly question,

"Did I fuck him?" But that's what I did.

I fucked him. He fucked me. It was a fuckathon.

You're crazy.

I don't think I'll ever fuck anyone.

I'll just make love to my husband, when I get married.

Oh god, how depressing.

Well, maybe you weren't born to live a married life.

Well yeah, but you sure were.

-Why do you say that? -Well, you're just that kind of person.

The kind that was born to get married,

have a shitload of kids, and that's it.

-Stupid! -I can also be risky like you.

-I'll kill you. -I know my life is more boring than yours,

but that doesn't mean you're better than me.

Don't get it wrong, my life isn't boring at all.

That's why I said my life is more boring than yours.

But you're saying it wrong.

Your life is boring, mine is not.

Don't pull me into your shit.

Why the fuck are you dressed like that?

Tania.

I have an idea.

-What? -Let's play a game.

You leave with Rodrigo, I'll leave with Benny.

Like if you were me and I were you.

So you go up to Skinny and I go up to Ugly.

-Give me your ring. -What?

-Like trading personalities. -But, what do I do?

Well, you be Daniela and I'll be Tania.

-This is crazy. -It will be worth it.

Cheers.

You have to admit, marrying Cohen is cool.

Do you know how many are in this clan? A shitload.

Well, yeah, but they're special.

Yeah, they're special, but that's not always good.

I already miss them.

Look, here they come. Like queen ants.

Sayonara!

Are you crazy? You almost killed yourself!

If you hadn't taken this way you would have lost.

Fuck that. Both of you get out. Let the men drive.

No, you guys won't pass the legal limit. You can't drive.

I don't give a fuck about the legal limit.

Get out.

Get out.

-Son of a fucking-- -Get in! They're gonna win!

Go, go, go.

Tania!

Tania! Can you hear me?

Benny! Call an ambulance!

Skinny.

Where are you going, son of a bitch?

FIGOT THE MAGICIAN

Hey! What the fuck, stupid?

I'm going to kill you!

…a terrible accident. And her husband…

What did you forget?

Who did you think I was?

Come in, welcome.

How was the fuck?

Wonderful. What's your problem?

Are you good?

I am the opposite of good.

The opposite of good is… not good, bad, fucked, shitty?

Have you eaten?

It's like you're dead.

I suppose you won't cut your hair or nails until after a month.

Are you fucking serious? You, on the other hand, are living luxury.

-You stink of alcohol. -What?

You stink of alcohol.

I would fucking do anything to go back in time and not go with you that night.

It was your fault.

I'll remind you that it was your idea to continue the game to the apartment.

You're so much like Tania. What a shame.

-Here is your drink. -Thank you.

How was Rodrigo's funeral?

Not very good. Bad. Fucked. Shitty.

I feel guilty for everything that happened.

You blame me too.

No, it wasn't your fault.

It was no one's and everyone's fault.

The alcohol helps, honestly.

Tomorrow I get Rodrigo's ashes.

What the fuck?

Tania Cohen.

RODRIGO: CAN WE TALK?

I'M BUSY.

-Hello. -Hello.

Forgive me, did I wake you?

No.

Wanna go to the movies?

Why go to the movies with me?

Why not?

-What movie then? -The new Woody Allen.

I don't want to.

I thought it would be a good way to distract you.

I'm sufficiently distracted.

In fact, before you arrived I was distracting myself.

But then you distracted me.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Would you like a drink?

Let's go to the living room.

Rodrigo, do you remember what I told you…

when tragically you married my daughter?

No.

I already knew things would turn out badly.

But I never imagined, anything like this.

Do you have the documents I asked for?

Yes.

I'll let you know when the apartment has sold…

so you can get your things out.

Inhale… Stop!

Hold it… no. Hold it in as long as you can.

That's it.

The best part is that it doesn't fuck up your liver,

so you won't get fat from excessive consumption of soda,

and you won't get a hangover. It's incredible.

More.

Well, feel free to share.

-Hello. Good morning. -Hello, Dan.

-'Men. Can you come here a second, please?

Yes.

Do you know if anyone was using my computer while I was out?

Uh, no, I don't think so.

Well, someone changed my desktop wallpaper.

I'm really sorry about what happened…

we didn't think you would be back so soon.

Yes, well, I missed being here.

-I'll be over here if you need anything. -Thank you.

-Who is it? -Me.

-I got in with my keys. Sorry. -Come on in.

Enjoy.

-Do you want some? -No.

What's up? What are you thinking about?

About Tania.

I'm frightened.

Frightened of what?

No, of nothing.

I just needed to see a familiar face.

That photo album right there is full of familiar faces.

You can take all of those photos.

You can even put one in your passport, for emergencies.

I can't erase that son of a bitch's face from my memory.

Who is it?

I come with hope. I'm Daniela Cohen.

Now turn around.

You're all fucked up from evil eye energy.

There are a lot of people that envy you.

I can't imagine who would envy my situation.

Plus, walking in spirit can be not so bright, right?

So it's real?

-What's happening to me? -Relax.

But it is Tania?

Of course it is Tania.

And what if I don't want to see her?

That's not up to us.

Tania wants to help you find someone.

No.

No.

No, this can't be. It can't!

She says that she wants the same thing you want.

Come here.

Tania says to congratulate you.

Congratulations.

-Here, my love. -No, thank you.

I'm happy you're feeling better.

-You look happy. -Thank you.

I have a premonition…

What?

Today…

you will fuck.

Do you even miss her?

Yes. Excuse me.

For real, you look very elegant.

Thank you.

We're still being careful, it's just that…

I don't know, Rodrigo and I have been talking about it…

and I kind of want it.

-How exciting! -Calm down. We're not there yet.

Have you spoken with your in-laws?

They're not my in-laws anymore, Mama.

I've never seen an accident cause so much damage.

Four families at once.

What a shame. Look, wine!

-That wine is awful. -What are you gonna do?

You're pale.

Please come home. Your Dad's there, your sister's are there, I'm there.

-I don't like you being alone. -I don't want to.

I think I'm pregnant.

Ah! Don't say that!

Can it really be true? My love, that's why you're pale!

What can I buy you? What do you need?

Congratulations, my love. I'm going to be a grandma!

Dani?

Dani?

Grape leaves.

BEST MAGICIANS IN MEXICO

MAGICIAN DIRECTORY

I had forgotten about this.

I have yours too…

around somewhere.

What the fuck?

At least having you here makes me not miss you so much.

Hey, listen…

we never talked about what happened the other day…

in my bed.

That--

What the fuck?

FIGOT THE MAGICIAN

Figot the Magician.

FIGOT THE MAGICIAN EVERY SUNDAY 6 P.M.

Son of a bitch.

-I've become a better chef over the years. -Oh, yeah?

-Do you like pesto? I don't remember. -Yes, I eat everything.

Perfect.

So, did you like the movie or no?

Yes, I liked it, but I don't feel it was a good movie.

But I liked it.

What? Explain.

One should be able to identify a good or bad movie

without caring if they enjoyed it or not.

I don't understand you at all. Give me an example.

Dumb and Dumber.

-I love it but it's awful. -It's not awful! It's very good.

There it is. So good.

Whether you like it or not is another story. Grab the bread.

Sorry for not saying anything when it happened.

I never know what to say in those situations.

Don't worry about it.

I prefer… that people not talk to me about it.

They ask you how you are doing.

You say, "Bad," they say, "What a shame." You say, "Good," they judge you.

I can imagine.

And how is Dani's cousin doing? What's her name?

Tania.

I don't know. I've barely seen her since the funeral.

So… how'd it happen? What happened?

How did you happen to trade partners.

Well…

we were drunk…

and stoned, and the girls started to play and…

I don't know.

You know what? I'm going to the kitchen for more wine,

and when I get back, we aren't going to talk about this.

We can talk about theater, or film…

Fucking shit.

-What happened? -Nothing.

A cockroach.

I'm hungry.

-Hello. -Hello, cousin.

I brought you this.

What is this?

Tania's engagement ring.

We traded each other at the wedding.

It's fucking cursed, right?

Want to go somewhere?

I'm watching soccer.

I'm going to a show.

A show?

A magician.

I hope it's worth fucking bringing me here.

I'm missing my soccer match.

You don't have anything better to do. Don't complain.

You need to get out of your apartment.

How much do you think he charges? Five pesos?

It'll be a steal.

That's it!

There we go!

This magician isn't bothered by anything.

Photo! Photo! Photo!

Bravo!

Yeah!

What the fuck?

What skill!

-What the hell? How did you do that? -I didn't do anything.

He's the best magician in the world!

Bravo!

-How are things? -Like what?

Everything.

I'm the same. I'm an alcoholic…

but I miss her…

a shitload.

I don't want to talk about it.

-I want to ask you something. -Ask me.

This may sound kind of weird…

but…

is there something I should know about Tania?

Like what?

Something she hid from me that only you would know.

I don't understand.

I don't know.

Maybe I was too hard on her at times…

and I feel, like, a kind of resentment.

She probably should have resented you but,

truth is, no, she never said anything bad about you.

Lately I've been thinking about that a lot.

Want to go together on Sunday?

Yes.

I wasn't sure if i wanted to go. I keep having these types of events.

-Here you go. -Thank you.

Let me go!

Back up.

I feel like jumping.

Fuck you.

Fucking Tania.

Don't move!

Dani!

Do you want some water?

What do you want?

No! I don't understand you, fuck!

Why are you wearing my pajamas?

Tania!

Where are you going, Tania?

Tania!

Tania!

-What? -It's okay, let's go to the bedroom.

It's open.

-Hello. -Hello.

What's this?

How are you?

Good, you?

Good.

Dani has those same pajamas.

She had.

Yes.

She had.

I have these tickets to go see Dani's favorite band,

we bought them like six months ago.

Let's go.

Really?

Yes.

Get me in a bit.

Okay.

I'll get you in a bit.

Thank you.

So…

So…

We've never talked about what happened.

Are you referring to our strange sexual encounter,

or my inappropriate visit to your kitchen,

or that three months after your wife dies you are fucking your ex-girlfriend.

Fuck you.

Wow, so sensitive.

I don't suppose we could try to get along?

What are you talking about, asshole?

Now I get why Dani always worried so much about you.

You really are crazy.

And you really are an asshole.

Tania…

it's been months since you left us.

You've left us empty and tired

without your smile…

without your annoyances…

without your quesadillas…

It will never be the same without you.

I love you.

We're going to miss you.

Drive safe, please.

How do you want to fuck up the night?

Like you imagined:

naked in your bed.

Like last time?

What are you doing? Tania?

Tania!

Subtitle translation by: Ryan N. Becker