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- Hi. - Uh, two hot dogs.

Uh, mustard, onion, sauerkraut, and a large piña colada.

Okay.

- Yes? - Yeah, let me have one foot-long.

- One? - Yeah, foot-long.

1.50.

- Do you have a foot-long hot dog? - No foot-long dog.

Oh, man. Um, yeah, I'll just have two regular ones then.

- Two hot dogs on same bun? - Yeah, just like that.

- Gimme two. - Yeah.

- Can I have some ketchup on that? - Ketchup?

Okay.

Holy shit.

Holy shit. Okay.

Yeah, baby! Yeah!

Yeah!

Fuck.

- What's happening, Alex? - Oh, hey, Lenny. Um...

- My mom talked to - - Have you seen - Have you seen Sage?

No, but my mom talked to Sage's mom and told her I could go to your house.

- Whoa! - Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Whoa! Whoa! Excuse me.

- Are you their father? - Yes.

Okay. Well, you have some parenting to do.

- Really? I have some parenting to do? - Yes.

- Yes, you do. - Okay, who are you?

I'm the principal of this school. Mr. Puccio.

- Puccio? - I assume that you're their father.

I don't think this is a matter for laughter right now.

- Let me tell you what happened today. - I suggest you do that.

First of all, Frey assaulted his math teacher.

Okay, the kid is the size of a two-year-old, all right?

So I don't know what kind of ruckus he'd be causing in your classroom.

Kids do not assault teachers, okay?

And then, wait. Let me show you something else.

- Take a look at this. - No.

All right. Just shut your mouth. Shut up.

Holy sh...

- This is fucking disgusting. - Okay, that is hair -

Excuse me. Do not use that kind of language here.

Don't reprimand me in front of my children.

That hair came from -

Do not reprimand me in front of my own kids, all right?

Excuse me. That hair came from one of his classmates, Brandon, in the recess yard.

- Yeah, but Brandon was beating up - - Calm down a second.

I'd like to hear what happened. All right, Sage?

Brandon was beating up Johnny. I don't like that.

You know what, Mr. Sokol?

Maybe this would be more productive if you came back with their mother.

All right, come on, guys.

What are you doing?

- What? What are you doing? - I'm -

You know, we have things to do, okay?

I'm sorry. It was nice to see you. You'll see him at school tomorrow, okay?

But wait. But my mom isn't here yet.

No moms, no playdates, nothing today, okay?

- Yeah, but wait - - And you? What is this? What is this?

- Brandon was teasing - - You know what? Pull his hair.

Pull his hair.

- No. - Pull his hair! Pull it!

- Ow! - You like that?

- You like how that feels? - Oh, shame!

You like how it feels?

Come on.

It's disgusting!

Ooh! Hey, guys. I always wanted a blond mustache.

How do I look? Fancy, y'all?

Yeah, that's hilarious. Henny Youngman over here. Come on.

How you doing, sir? Can you spare some change?

How's it going, partner?

I'm trying to make some money to get something to eat.

- Something to eat? - Yes, sir. Yes, I am.

A lot of guys act like they're vets, and they're really not vets.

I was stationed at Fort Jackson.

- 1968. 101st Airborne. - Is that Virginia?

No, it's Columbia, South Carolina.

- The ditches? - Yeah.

Tank Hill.

Tell you what. I'm just gonna leave $20 in my pocket so I can get home.

But I'll be back to check on you though, man.

I won't be here. I'll be in a hotel somewhere, and I'll be eating.

It's on you, brother. You're talking to a fellow vet.

Thank you.

- Has anybody seen Frey? - No.

I think I saw him earlier.

All right. I'm sure he'll catch up with us.

Hey, Alex. What time's your bedtime?

- Um, 8:00. I like it. It's early. - Really?

- Sage, tell him what time you go to bed. - 11:00.

See, because he's a grown-up, that's why.

Wow! You must be tired when you wake up, Sage.

Yeah, right.

- Spare some change? - Sorry, man.

Ask this guy. He's the breadwinner.

- Um, excuse me, I have to - - Young man, can you spare some change?

We're in the middle of a conversation.

- Excuse me, I - - What?

I have to use that round bowl with water in it that you urinate in.

Toilet. In there.

- Exactly. I forgot the name. - I been sitting here all day-

You're addressing the wrong guy. This is the bank.

- Show him what you got. - You got a credit card?

- Don't give it to him.

I said show it to him.

I bet you got some money in your pocket. I bet you got some money.

Hey, ain't he got money in his pocket? He gave you all that, right?

I bet you got some money in your pockets.

Look, you don't want them to see you looking bad like that. Come on.

Look, man. I'm playing with my kids.

You asked for money. We don't have any. I'm playing with my kids.

So just a little distance, all right? Good luck.

Come on. I been sitting here on my ass all day!

- Haven't got no money. - Yeah, well, I've been on my feet all day.

Oh, shit. Get it, get it, quick!

All right. All right, come on.

Forget the money. Come on, guys! Forget it!

Coming.

Frey, over on my side. Don't walk behind me.

All right, no joking. No joking when we cross the street.

Hold on to my belt loops.

I can't see Sage!

Are you holding on to my belt?

Hey, buddy.

- Wave. - What's shaking, buddy?

This is for real.

- How does your serve... - This one counts.

- Can you just serve already? - The score is 10-0.

- No. - No.

- What is it, 0-0? - Shut up! Just play!

Okay.

- Shoot it!

Shoot it!

Aw, Swiss cheese.

Guys, that's pathetic.

I'm serving.

All right, this is gonna be even more pathetic.

All right, I got it, I got it!

Whoa, whoa. That's how somebody's gonna get hurt.

Hey. Hey!

Give me the ball.

Give me the ball.

I feel like we're playing in slow motion.

What is this, the time-out corner?

All right. I can't play by myself.

Oh! He's back.

All right, now, that's what happens when you've been a bad boy.

You go to the time-out corner. Is that what your mom does?

Shut up.

- Fifty-five. - You're not 55.

Yeah, you wish.

Show me. Show me.

Twenty, forty...

Guys! Oh, my God!

Get over here. Oh, now we have revenge!

- Now revenge of the Ronzo.

- Oh, revenge! - Stop it, Dad.

All right, guys. Let go. I can't - Come on, I can't get up.

Come on! Stop, guys. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding.

- Guys, let go of me! - Pile on! Pile on!

Hey. Get 'em off me! Get 'em off me!

- Get 'em off me! - You're suffocating him!

All right. Come on, guys. Seriously. I gotta get up.

- He's holding us! - No. That's not possible!

You see, they're holding me. They're holding me!

- Come on, get up. All right. - I can't breathe!

Make them some breakfast. Guys, go get breakfast.

Out. Off the bed!

- Go! Go, buddy, go! - Whole lot of nothin'.

Off you go. Sorry, buddy.

Lenny, what is this you're feeding the kids, huh?

- I don't know. - Look, I brought some other stuff.

And the guy at the supermarket, you know what he said?

He said that one out of every million boxes has a very special prize in it.

Very special prize in it.

You guys want to empty it out? You want to see what the pri -

You want to empty it? Open it up. Open it up.

On the table.

- Oh... Oh, my God. - Shoot!

- Oh, my God. - What?

- What is that? - A salamander!

- Whoa. - A salamander!

- Look at it! - Holy...

It's alive.

- Let me see.

- Oh, my God. Let me see this. - Check it out.

That's incredible.

- It's alive! - That is incredible.

Oh, my God. Seats, guys. Here, sit down.

Incredible. Oh. Look at its head. Look at it shaking.

Let me find something bigger. I'm gonna get a little home or something for it.

Can you put it in my hands?

- I'll be safe with him. - Hang on a second, guys.

First thing we got to do is we got to get a home for it.

- Check this guy out! - I'm getting a home.

Oh, my God. Look at its head shaking.

Look at that. You can see his digestive system.

- Or maybe that's just dirt. I don't know. - I have a really good house coming up.

- This is incredible, guys. - Yeah.

- All right. - What about this?

Okay, check it out, guys. What do we use for gravel?

- We got this.

- Actually, you know what? - No, that's some of our food.

Oh, my God. What is he doing?

Oh. Okay, all right.

- Don't mess it - Don't make it too wet. - Okay.

- Don't make it too wet. - All right, now. Okay- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- All right, not on the floor. Not - - Yes!

- Hey, hey, hey! Stop. - Pick him up really gently, okay?

If this thing gets in the walls, I don't know what would happen.

- He's okay. Here, let me help. - All right, no, I got it.

- Okay, stop. Calm - - Look, Lenny, I got the lizard!

- Okay, this is not a competition. - No. Okay, fine.

- We're all here to share the lizard. - It smells!

- First thing we're gonna do, on the table. - Stop hogging it!

Hogging it? All right, guys.

- First of all, it's not yours! - Silence! Silence!

While... The one thing we can do without removing it and freaking it out,

because it now needs to adjust to a new home, is name it.

- Can I show you something in the bathroom? - Those are my Lucky Charms!

You guys, just be gentle with him, okay?

- Give him a little kiss. - Hey, Lenny!

You can almost swallow it. All right, all right.

Oh! No, no, no, no, no.

- What?

- What was that in there? - What was what?

- Hey!

You just, like, slapped my hand away like that.

All right, the kids are outside, okay?

- Okay, okay. - All right.

I don't even know what you're talking about.

Or...

- Come here, Spots. Hi, Spots. - Or Bobby.

- No, Bobby's too normal. - Let's name him -

I like Spots.

- Spots. Okay, Spots. - Spots.

Huh?

I want a commitment from you two. Bedtime.

Shake on it.

All right. Okay. Here we go.

We're gonna make you disappear.

All right, now, the magic words are "presto magic."

- All right, you guys ready? - And make us come back.

Well, first things first.

All right. One, two, presto magic!

Oh, my God! This is incredible. They're gone.

I'm going to the movies.

- Why don't you go, uh, talk to her?

I bet she likes smart guys.

- Get her, get her, get her. - Excuse me.

- Excuse me. - Louder.

Excuse me! I'm sorry.

Um, hi. Um...

I'd like to buy a drink for the girl over by the chalkboard.

Which girl are you talking about?

The one right there at the end of the bar, in the white.

Um, okay.

- Yeah, just a whiskey. What I have. - All right.

You made the right choice.

Shut the fuck up.

Now look at her.

Mmm.

What's shaking?

How are you?

I'm fine, fine.

Um, all right.

I presume I should, uh - I should split.

Well, you can hang out for a little bit, but I gotta pack my stuff and get ready,

'cause I'm gonna go upstate today.

Oh, far fucking out!

I fucking love it up there.

- I love upstate so much. - Oh, goddamn.

Wow, I haven't been outside the city, I think, in four years.

- Okay. - You know? Um...

All right, guys. Up and at 'em. Up and at 'em.

Guess what. We're going on vacation.

We're going on vacation! Come on.

- Up, up, up, up, up, up!

- We're going on vacation. - It's the weekend.

We're going on vacation! We're going upstate.

Open the can of nuts for me.

- All right, fantastic.

That's hilarious. Come on. We got 15 minutes to get our stuff together.

- We're going upstate!

- I don't want to go on vacation! - Up, up, up.

All right, come on. Pack your bags, guys.

I don't have any bags!

Use your schoolbags. Use your schoolbags. Just dump 'em out.

We're going upstate, guys!

We're going upstate!

We got 15 minutes. Up, up, up, up, up, up!

Come on. Just pack your bags, man.

Dump 'em! Dump 'em!

I'm dumping 'em. I'm dumping 'em.

Do we need bathing suits?

It was supposed to be a nice ride up.

- It is going to be a nice ride up. - No, no.

- We're going to have a very good time. - That's not what I'm asking.

You're not listening.

- No, I was talking to - - No, no, let me finish, let me finish.

- Okay, you finish. - The guy called you.

- Mm-hmm. - And then you just decided that,

"Oh, it would be a good thing to do

that I'm going with my boyfriend out to the - to the countryside,

but let me tag along this guy."

What were you thinking?

He was feeling kind of overwhelmed by the city,

so I thought it would be a nice thing to do if we brought -

- We were supposed to have a nice weekend. - We are gonna have a nice time.

- Yeah, sure. Uh-huh. - And while we're having a good time,

we're gonna be doing something nice for my friend.

Well, my plans were having a good time, me and you.

- Not the three of us having a good time. - We can still have a good time.

Man.

All right, out.

- There he is. There he is. - Oh, my God.

- Hey! - Hi, Lenny.

What's happening?

- How are you? - Um, hey.

Um... All right, this is the super of my building.

- And this is his son Peanut. - Hello.

- They've been helping me carry my bags. - Fuck.

- All right, thanks, guys. - Peanut. Lookity, lookity.

- Just introduce yourselves, guys. - I'm Sage.

I'm Roberta. Hello.

That's Frey. And these guys are so excited.

- Come on. Come on.

- Hey! Oh! Um... - That's Aren.

- Hey, man. Lenny. - Hey, Lenny. How are you?

- Thank you so much! - You're most welcome.

- God, they're so excited. - Yeah?

I'm in the middle. I'm in the middle.

- Hey, guys. - Hi.

What's happening, man? Mind if we throw our stuff in the back?

Yeah, sure. Don't fuck up the ride though.

- What? - No, nothing. Don't worry.

"By now I was so frightened that I'll tell you, but I have to.

I screamed and rode away and lost my hook and line and bait too."

- I had no idea he had kids. - Thought this was supposed to rhyme.

"You only could play if your bellies had stars,

and the Plain-Belly children had none upon thars." What's "thars"?

Crazy? You're loco. You're more than crazy.

Forget about crazy. Don't even approach the subject of crazy.

- The guy comes in with his kids... - Oh, wait. Guys. Check it out.

I got a traveling tape for us.

Good.

- Jeepers. - Can we put it on?

Um... I'm telling you this thing -

Guys! No music in the car, please. Really, I get allergic to music.

I can't stand music when I'm driving.

I can't concentrate on the road, and that's about it.

I have to concentrate on the road.

- You're allergic to music? - Right.

Awesome.

All right. Who's the witness?

Sage, do you see it?

Okay? Don't forget it.

- All right, name that flavor. - Blue raspberry.

What? You cheated! You little runt.

- Yeah, you cheated. - How would you know so fast?

All right, who wants to... What do we got, thumb war?

Okay.

One, two, three, four.

♪ O say can you see ♪

♪ By the dawn's early light ♪

♪ We are proud to be... ♪

You skipped the whole middle part where they- You skipped four lines.

Start over. One, two, three, four.

♪ O say can you see... ♪

Guys, shut up for a second!

I'm sorry, man. I shouldn't yell. I'm sorry for that.

Hey. Hey.

- Wake up. - Yeah?

- You have - You have to drive, man. - What's that?

- I'm totally tired. - Okay.

You want to just pull over?

Take a nap, man. Pull over. We'll all take a nap.

I'm not going to pull over. We have to get there, so you have to drive.

Just pull over, man. We'll all take a nap.

- What's happening? - Shh. Just go back to sleep.

- What are you doing?

You want me to drive the car?

- No, he has to drive. - I'm gonna drive?

He has to drive.

Aren?

Aren?

♪ April rain ♪

♪ But, darling, in my heart ♪

♪ You always will remain ♪

♪ As summer turns to fall ♪

♪ As summer turns ♪

♪ To fall ♪

- I want that one. - Okay, this one is giant.

- You broke my stick.

Come on, guys. We're leaving. Come on.

- No, I want this one.

We've got to get to the boat. Come on. Come on.

Hang on. I got ya.

Here. Give me your hand.

- Come on, guys. - Come on.

Come on. Firas!

- Firas!

Firas. Hi, man.

- Come on in. Let me introduce you. - Hello.

That's a very good friend. That's the guy who's going to bring the boat.

- That's Frey. - Say hi. Mr. Firas is gonna -

- This is Frey.

Come on.

You're not gonna go waterskiing?

- It's 50 degrees outside. - It's hot. The sun is out.

It's warm.

The summer's not over.

Excellent. Beautiful.

- I got him. I got him, man. - Here, help them in the boat.

Hey, hey, hey. Hey, I got 'em.

Okay, go ahead. Go ahead.

Wh - All right, life vests on.

- Oh, great. Good going. Grab it. - Don't worry. You got it.

- Here, come on in. - All right, guys.

- How do you do this? - Here, I'll tell you.

Have a seat here. You have always to sit on the boat. Don't stand up.

All right, guys. I'll pick you up in what, two hours, okay?

- No! - Why can't you stay?

I thought you were gonna come.

Ah, he's gonna water-ski.

- You good? Okay. - Guys, check him out.

- Come on!

Oh, he's up!

Whoo!

Faster! Go faster!

- What do you guys think? - Oh, you're good!

Look at what he's doing.

- Look at him go! - Hey, check it out, guys.

Sage. Sage.

- Hi, baby! - Over here. I need some help.

All right, what do you want me to catch for dinner tonight?

- Salmon. - Salmon. All right.

All right. I learned this in the army.

All right, anchor me. I got one!

I got one! I got one!

- Oh, it got away. It got away. - Oh!

Hang on. Hang on. We're still going for salmon?

- All right, hold on to my waist. - Don't let him fall out.

All right. All right, guys. Lower me. Lower me.

Ahh! Ahh! Pull me in! Pull me in! I got it!

Aah. Oh, it got away! It got away!

Oh!

- No, stop it.

Holy shit.

Hey, Firas! What is that?

That's Terry.

Far fucking out!

I got it!

Who likes taking my boiled eggs?

Miranda.

What do you want, Sage?

Ew!

Ew. Gross.

- It's gross.

- This is sticky and ugly.

I'm sorry. Please get out a piece of paper. Um...

Sit down please, Fletcher. Come on, guys.

Get out a piece of paper. Let's do a morning message.

Sit down, please. Uh, let's start off with that one.

Let's get a subtraction problem in there.

- Very sorry, guys. Um...

All right, guys, the other day we were working on this problem,

and a lot of you guys had some difficulties with it.

We tried to tally it up.

It's 11 plus 8, okay? You guys ready for this?

- Yes. - What the heck? What...

It's on your back!

Benny, Benny, come on. Come on, do it. Let's do it.

- You got this. You got it. - All right.

Write it right down here. What's the answer?

You got it. You can do it.

Did he get it right? Guys, did he get it right?

Yeah!

Whoa. Whoa!

Come on, Tristan.

Yo, Sage. Sage.

You want to spray Miranda with fart spray?

Smell it. See what she'll smell like.

- So are you with us or not?

I mean, I'd love to, but I don't wanna. I got in a lot of trouble already.

Fine by me.

I'll trail behind and see...

- Okay. - Okay.

What the heck is the big thing?

This is gonna be the laughing of a lifetime.

Oh, my God!

William, can I interest you in some CDs?

- Sorry. - No, no, no. It's only $5 apiece.

Yo, my friend. You like Bill Withers?

You a reggae man?

Yo, reggae man.

Hey, Mr. Ice Cream. Yo!

Whoa, let me help you. Slow down. How you doing?

I'm all right. I don't have any money, man.

Don't have money? What do you mean, money? Come on.

Hey. Don't fucking touch me, man. I don't have any money, all right?

You like Bill Withers?

Come on, come on. You look like a Bill Withers man. Come over here.

How about this? Jerry Lewis? Huh?

Ho! Hold on. Come here.

Are they for free? I told you I don't have any money.

You don't have any money? How'd you buy that ice cream, huh?

Here, take some bread. There you go.

"Take some bread"? Who the fuck you think you're talking to, Jack?

- Whoa! - Here, try this.

- All right. Game over. - Okay, you see that? Hey, that's cool.

- Hurry up, man. - You want to hold the fucking cones?

- Yeah, I'll take the fucking cones.

- You think this is a fucking game? - All right.

- You think this a fucking game, man? - No, I don't.

Yeah? You wanna see those people you're buying those ice cream -

All right, here.

Everything's cool, bro.

- Can't I just buy some CDs? - There's no CDs in there.

- I'll hold on to you, Sage.

- Hey, guys!

Guys!

What's happening? Sorry I'm late.

- Hello. - Where's the ice cream, Dad?

- Oh, hey. Hey! Hey, you know what? - Where's our ice cream, Dad?

I had ice cream, and if you kick me like that, you're not getting anything.

- Dad, can we have a playdate today? - Oh, give me a break. Guys.

- You want to go, Djoumé? - Yeah.

Um, it's not a good idea. It's not a good idea today.

- All right, listen, guys... - Please!

Listen to me. Calm down, all right?

It was a rotten day today, okay?

We're going home. We're calming down. Come with me.

Yeah, but that's because you're making me tense.

- You know - All right.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah, but you know what?

I was in a great mood when I dialed the phone. You know?

My intention was to call you and share with you some very pleasant news.

We went upstate, you know...

Yes, upstate. Does that sound like I crossed state lines?

Look...

You know what? You're doing it right now. You're doing it right now.

And I don't know what you think you're gonna achieve with this.

Do you want me to just not call you and give you updates?

You know, I wish I had a -

Right, I'm gonna start tape-recording these conversations, you know.

Because I'll rewind it, I'll play it back to you, and that's not how you say it.

That's not how you say it. You know?

Yeah, they can hear us right now. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going.

- Hey, kids. Hey, guys. Say hi to your mom. - Hi, Mom.

All right. They're looking at me right now. Yeah.

No, that's you. You are perpetuating this.

You know what? You have two choices right now.

One is you continue acting the way that you're acting,

and you watch me blow my top, or two, I hang up on you.

All right? You got fi - One -

All right, goodbye. Goodbye. You made your choice. Goodbye, goodbye.

All right. You see that, guys?

You see that? That was awesome, huh?

Now I'm mad!

- Ca-runcha! Ca-racka!

- All right, hang on, guys. - Ow!

- Hello? - Hey, Lenny, open.

- Hey. What's shakin', Salvie? - Hi, guys. How are you, Lee?

- Come on in. You picked a fantastic time. - Ahh.

- Salvie! - Hi, kids.

- All right, guys. - How are you, guys?

You guys remember Salvie?

- Look what I have for you. - Looks like he's got something.

- What's the word from you?

This better be flattering.

I arrived there, no? They were fighting, bloody.

Who was fighting?

My brother and his wife.

- Your brother lives in Brooklyn? - He lives in Brooklyn.

- He was bloody, fighting with his wife.

- Today? - Tonight.

- Your brother lives in Brooklyn right now? - Yes, yes.

- I didn't know this. - He's living there.

So, anyway, I could not sit there, and I went in that motel.

- Let me see what you got. - And the -

This is supposed to be me? There you go. Fantastic.

The man at the motel was completely blind.

- Here's some gum. - Fantastic.

Everybody was blind in the hotel there. Do you understand?

Which part?

I'm sorry. Salvie, I'm trying to follow you.

Oh, my God.

Let me eat these kids, and let me forget of this story.

- What? - Aye.

And even now your blood will be sweet... and sweet.

Because I eat kids, you know?

- Even you. I will eat all you. - I eat adults!

- I eat adults! - Oh, my God. What's that?

- I will eat you.

Salvie.

Salvie's a monster!

Oh, my God.

Do you mind, Lee, if I eat one of them?

- Let's do this.

Oh, my God.

- Uh-huh. - You stay like that.

Just lie down, and I will walk on you, but you keep your stomach very strong.

- I begin - - No! Him first!

I will begin with you now. Are you able?

- Tell me. Are you able? - Yes. I think.

Ow. Help me.

- I can't - - No, stop! Stop, get off!

- You're hurting him. Get off. - Whoa!

What the fuck's going on over here? Are you all right?

- Is he okay? - He's stepping on him.

- Are you kidding or not? - He's not.

- All right, he's joking with me. - He's not!

- Yeah, he's smiling. - He's not! He's stepping on us!

How'd you like it if we stepped on you?

Nothing happen. You want to do that?

- Time for bed. It's a school night. - I am strong enough for that.

All right, Frey, Sage, enough games, enough candy.

It's bedtime. It's bedtime, people.

- Pizza! - Quiet!

Come and get it, you morons.

Don't make me come over there. I'm not kidding.

Get in bed.

- Get back in bed.

Fine.

You know what?

I'm gonna take all that candy, and I'm gonna flush it down the toilet.

How 'bout that?

- In bed, I...

"'I is very fond indeed of English school-chiddlers.

They has a nice inky-booky flavor.

Perhaps I will change my mind and go to England with them.'

'You is disgusting!' said the BFG.

'And you is an insult to the giant peoples!'

shouted the Bloodbottler."

Does anybody know the capital of Oklahoma?

Uh, Frey?

What was the question?

Ben.

- Oklahoma City. - Oklahoma City. Well done.

Class, this is a perfect example of what happens

when you pay attention and when you don't pay attention.

Very well done, Ben.

All right, Rick. Rick.

You're all threaded up and set to go, man. You hit screen in 10 minutes, okay?

- I'm threaded up? What do you mean? - I gotta split.

No, no. Aren't you working tonight?

No. No, I am not working tonight. You are working tonight.

Oh, no, no.

- "No, no" what? - You're on the schedule.

No. First of all, I'm not on the schedule. Second of all, we agreed to this.

You are working tonight. I have to pick up my kids.

I just came in to drop off the log.

All right. Don't fuck with me, man, okay?

- I have to pick up my kids. - I can't. Remember?

We had that conversation. I have things to do, people to see.

- Listen to me. - I can't stay. I came to drop the log off.

- Listen to me. I have no flexibility here. - Neither do I.

- I'm already late. - I can't help you. I gotta go.

- Listen to me. - No, no, no.

- Please - - You're staying. This is your night.

- We talked about this. Next time. - All right...

- This movie's not gonna be run. All right. - Bye, bye, bye. Gotta go.

Where are you going?

The kids are with their dad this week, and, you know, I-I'm on vacation.

I'm supposed to have this time off.

Unfortunately, my last interaction with their dad

wasn't very positive.

- Hello? - You're here! Finally!

- I apologize, unreservedly. - Listen, uh -

- Um, what are you doing here? - You guys, I love you.

- Mr. Puccio had to call me because - - You have no business being here, okay?

Listen, these are my kids.

What am I gonna do? Just leave them standing here waiting for you?

Something came up at work. I apologize, okay?

- But you know what? This is my time - - This has gotta st -

You're not responsible enough to be here to pick them up.

All right, the kids have been told in advance that if Daddy has an emergency,

they're going to sit and wait, and there's no danger in that.

They cannot be standing here by themselves. The school is responsible.

And I am responsible and, obviously, you don't think it's a big deal!

- You're in charge of the school stuff. - You're right. I am in charge.

- Listen to me - - You obviously can't be trusted.

It is your responsibility to make sure he has my number when they're with me.

So you should've informed them that, for these two weeks, they call me.

- They have to call their mother. - I'm not entertaining this discussion.

- I love you. Have fun with Daddy, okay? - Hello? This is my screw-up.

I'm entitled to screw up in my two weeks, and you can screw up the rest of the year.

- I don't screw up. You screw up. - Right, you don't screw up.

Okay, fantastic.

- Say goodbye to your mom, guys.

- I'm sorry about this - Guys - - Just give me your hand.

- Lenny, you've always got a great excuse. - Okay, I am right and you are wrong.

- Boys, I love you. - Say goodbye to your mother.

- I'll see you, okay? Go. - Fantastic. Say bye to Mom.

- So sorry. - That's okay.

- Bye, Mom. - All right, we gotta seriously rush.

Sprint!

- Dad, stop.

- Wait up!

Whoo!

Fantastic, guys.

All right, gimme five.

What you're looking for is a little white circle.

It's gonna appear in the upper right-hand corner, okay?

And it's gonna appear for four frames long, all right?

Film runs at 24 frames a second.

I don't know how long a human blink is, but do not blink.

I want you focused intensely on that upper right-hand corner.

That is a secret signal just for us, okay?

All right, what are you looking for?

The white circle.

- What are you gonna do when you see it? - I'm gonna flip the button.

All right.

You looking?

Don't blink.

- All right, go. - No.

- Go! Go! - No.

He did it. Why doesn't the state just put him away?

Because it happened to be a colored policeman. You know what that means.

Projection.

All right, let's do it.

How you guys doing?

- Good. - Comfortable?

- No. - Yeah.

All right.

You guys need anything, I'm right in the booth.

Right on the line. Right on the arrow.

On the arrow? Yeah...

Let's do a test for starts, okay?

- Okay, one. - So, one.

- Yes! - Yes!

"Based on a true story."

"Hey, Lenny! Get me a cup of water!"

That's the boss, and that's Dad.

"Okay, okay."

"Water." And that's the boss's cup.

And then he's going into the bathroom and peeing in the cup.

"No description, pss, penis, pss, boss cup."

"Gulp, gulp."

"This tastes salty!"

"Ha, ha, ha, hee, hee, ha, ha."

I can't believe he actually peed in the water.

- Okay, now... - Let's do a thousand.

Thousand, yeah.

- What if it's...

Limit's 999.

999. Okay, print.

All right, guys.

What'd I say? Sage, jacket on.

- Shh. Shh.

We're going.

Put your jacket on. I'm not kidding. Put your jacket on.

Come on.

Hey, guys!

Hi, Leni.

- Guys, come on. - Sup, guys?

What's goin' on?

Uh, what's in the bags?

- Oh, my God. Sage!

- Get 'em! - Get 'em, get 'em, get 'em!

- It's getting away. - "Penis"?

- Hey! What is this? What is this? - I give up.

Get over here! Get over here!

Jake. Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake.

- What's cooking? - Hi, man.

Hey, you doing anything tonight?

- Uh, no. I was just, uh... - All right, I got a proposition for you.

I'll give you free reign over my place, you know, use it as a studio,

get some work done, you watch my kids for a few hours,

eat anything you want, and in exchange,

here's that Kurtzman you've been eyeing.

Come on. Do it.

- Yeah, definitely. - Far out, man.

Listen. I'm gonna take a shower.

Forty-five minutes. Meet me at my place, all right?

Yeah, okay, 45.

So, you guys wanna do, like, good guys, bad guys or, like, every man for himself?

- Good guys, bad guys. - Good guys, bad guys.

- Some of the guys already died. - Push it open.

- How do I do it? - Jake, look.

This guy could be dead or could be not.

Look what happened to this guy's face. You guys should paint these.

- No MSG. - Okay, one - Okay.

You finished? Okay, you order spring roll and Coca-Cola, no MSG, okay?

- Yeah, I was kidding with that. - Thank you.

- What's up? - Nothing.

I just - I haven't - I don't know - I haven't seen you for a little while.

You're funny. You're funny-looking to me.

- You look unfamiliar.

- Funny-looking. - You know -

Your hair got...

- What, more gray? - Yeah.

Yeah. There's less of it.

There's less of it, and it's gray.

Yeah, it's because Frey is constantly yanking it out.

- Oh. - Yeah.

- Wow. That was fast. - Thank you.

- Okay. - Jesus.

- Thank you. - Jesus...

- Your glass. - That's incredible.

- Yeah, and here's a coke, ice, no MSG. - Thanks. Yeah.

- Thank you.

- Thanks. - Okay, enjoy your meal.

Thank you.

Oh, I had an idea. How about all of us go upstate for a little while?

Why don't we just get out of the city? Then it won't feel so hectic.

- Look, listen to me - - It's not gonna be so chaotic up there.

There's gonna be fall foliage. There's a lot of space for kids to run around.

- They can do loops around the house. - Listen to me.

Conceptually that is a wonderful idea,

but on every other level, it's a horrible idea.

You understand that? You know?

I don't think you have any sense of what it's like for me right now. You know?

This is what it's like being inside my brain right now.

Okay, just...

Just be a little bit more open, like - Next time we're all hanging out, right?

Yeah.

I just want you to, uh...

- What? - Just involve me a little bit more.

- You know? Just, like... - Okay.

- Not even involve me - - Okay, okay.

Okay.

All right, I'm sorry.

- Oh, fuck! Come on. - Come on, don't...

Fuck it!

Forget it.

You can't pee for such a long time, you know.

I'm gonna do it, okay?

- Oh, cool, a fire truck. - Get him.

- Is - Is that pee? - Yeah!

- Okay, okay.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah!

- Frey. - Yeah?

- Okay.

That's it.

Frey! Help it! It's under a bump.

Quickly! We need to retreat!

- Hey! Oh! - Okay, done, done, done.

- Truce, truce, truce. - All right, okay. Done.

- All right. Done.

- All right. - All right.

- Taxi!

Hey, let's walk - Let's walk the tracks.

- I have a better idea. - What's that?

I'll take a nap on the third rail. How 'bout that? Will you watch my stuff?

No, no, no. I'm actually serious. Let's walk the tracks. It's good.

All right, I'm actually serious too.

I'm gonna take a nap on the third rail right there.

Yeah, but that's gonna kill you. This is gonna be fun.

- Come on. Let's go. - All right.

After you.

With all due respect, that's a really stupid idea.

- I think it's a great idea. - I still think you're joking, so...

I think you're a stupid idea.

- Go. I'll see you at the next station. - Sayonara.

- Leni! - Yeah?

Hey.

Up and at 'em.

What's shaking, man? How'd it go?

Uh...

It was fine, it was fine, uh, until, uh, I got peed on.

That sucks.

If it's any consolation, my night was a complete bust, man.

- I completely wasted the fucking Kurtzman. - Yeah, whatever.

Uh... listen, uh, please don't ask me to do that again.

Mm-hmm. It wasn't a favor, man. I paid you.

Whatever.

- Jesus. - Hey.

- What the fuck happened to you? - You mad at me?

- For crying out loud. Fucking no.

Hello?

Jeff, you woke me up, man. What's going on?

No. I'm sorry, man. That's not possible. I've got my kids staying with me.

Okay, I understand you have two kids in the room,

but we have about a hundred prints here that need to be checked by tomorrow.

I'm sorry, I can't - I can't even think straight.

I've got - Chris and Rick are working their asses off right now,

trying to get us ready for tomorrow.

You know what? But that's not my problem. It's your problem!

- Jeff? Jeff? - It's not my problem.

You know, it was my problem -

Earlier today, I had to clean up a bunch of friggin' comics

that were strewn all over the theater,

and I had to find people to clean it up.

- Well, you know what? That was my problem.

What else is my problem is when they run around this booth like it's a playground.

All right, all right. I'll have my girlfriend watch 'em.

All right, bye. Goodbye.

Listen, listen.

Okay, I have to pull an all-nighter. Okay?

Okay. I can't watch the kids though.

Um, I don't think you understand.

I'm going to lose my job,

and I need somebody here to watch them when they wake up.

- Okay, I would love to - - Please.

I can't. I just can't. I've got to work in the morning.

- I'm really, really sorry. - All right, all right. Fuck it.

- I'd love to watch the kids. - I'll be right back.

Lenny? Where are you going?

God...

What?

Listen, um, I need you to watch my kids for a few hours tomorrow morning, man.

It's a real emergency, okay?

- No way. - Listen to me, Jake.

Please. This is a dire situation, okay?

- I'm gonna lose my job. - Sorry. No way.

God. Is there any way I can twist your arm, man?

Come here, quick. Come, Leni.

Goddamn it. Okay. Listen, here's what we're gonna do.

- You see one of these? - Yeah.

I take these when I want to sleep through the garbage trucks in the morning,

just get an extra three hours rest, okay?

- So we divide this up. - Okay.

Give the kids a third each, right?

- There we go. We're good to go. - I don't know if that's a good idea.

They're just little kids. I don't know.

Listen to me. What's a worse idea is if they wake up and nobody's here.

Do you understand that? Okay? They're gonna freak the fuck out.

- Okay, okay. - This is a sedative.

- It's cool. Just... - Okay.

- Check it out. You see that? - Yeah.

- That's like an eighth of a pill. - Okay.

I think that might be a little bit too much in there.

Okay.

All right. Come on.

All right.

Come on.

- Shh.

All right, buddy.

Okay, shh, shh. Go back to sleep. Go back to sleep. Shh.

All right.

All right, buddy. Shh, shh.

- Okay, shh, shh. - Lenny.

All right, buddy.

All right, guys. Let's do it.

Come on. Up.

Up!

I know you guys can hear me. Come on.

All right. One, two...

Come on. Come on, I'm serious.

Ca-runcha!

Ca-racka!

Come on, guys.

Guys, come on. Come on!

- Steven.

- Holy shit. - Where are they?

They're right over there.

- They've been out like this for the past - - Listen, man.

I take one of these pills when I want to sleep for an extra two hours, you know?

- You sure you only gave them an eighth? - Yeah, I chopped -

It was a little bit more than that. It was like -

It was not more than that! It was a pinch!

I'm telling you, a whole one knocks a full-grown man out for two hours!

You gotta back off.

Here. That was it. This was - This was the pill.

Is it possible there's something about the tap water?

- I mixed it with tap water. - No.

You're... Just be quiet.

Maybe the pills were expired? Maybe they had expired?

Shut up. Stop it.

- They're in what's called stage IV sleep. - What is that?

It's like practically a coma.

But lucky for you, they'll wake up from it.

- That means they're good. They're fine. - Yeah -

- They're gonna wake up. - They're not fine. You are so lucky.

I'm all fucked up, man. I don't know.

Honestly, if I wasn't your friend, I would've called the police.

I'm a doctor.

- All these prints came in late. - I'm not supposed to be like...

So they don't need to go to the hospital? They're okay just here?

They should be fine. You should let 'em rest.

I don't have to tell their mother. They're gonna be fine, they're gonna wake up -

Well, I don't know when you're talking to her.

It could be two days, could be a week, could be up to four weeks.

- Holy shit! - It's not funny.

They don't need to go to the hospital or anything like that -

That's what I'm saying. So I don't need to freak out, right?

They should be fine.

Is this, like, dangerous? Is there gonna be residual effects?

No, like I said, they're fine. I can't believe this.

All right, well, thanks for coming in like this.

You're welcome.

I'm just glad everything's okay.

- So we don't have to freak out, right? - I gotta get outta here.

You don't have to freak out. You just gotta wait.

I just have so much shit coming down at work, I'm not thinking clearly, man.

I really appreciate this. I really appreciate this.

- I don't know what's wrong with you. - That's the third time you said that.

If you weren't my friend, I would've called the police.

You've said that twice now.

- Hey, thank you for coming by. - Okay.

You know that song. And what else did she do?

Of rainbows and flower... Rainbows and...

- How does it go? - Lesley Gore.

- So what, that was your apology to her? - That was my apology.

I mean, I think that she - She accepted it.

Oh, fuck. Shh.

- Shit, he's back. - What?

He's back. Hang on.

Fuck! He's back. Shit.

I'm more concerned with the guy screaming in this apartment.

Shh, shh.

- Do you see him? - Come on.

Fuck.

- Just pick up the bag. - Okay. No, no, no.

The bag has holes in it. I can't. I have to get him in the jar.

- He's more afraid of you. - Fuck!

Whoa. Put him in the thing.

Fuck. Fuck. Okay, okay, okay...

- Okay, I'm gonna throw this out. Okay? - Okay, go!

Oh, wait. Before we get into this, why don't you just call the kids?

Please. Steven made it very clear. A minimum -

- Just - - Listen to me.

No. I'm not - Okay.

He said a minimum of two days, right? So I don't want to - That's why I'm here.

I don't want to rack my brain worrying about it hour by hour.

No, I know, but then I - Just so that I can get it off my mind too.

Just give 'em a call and make sure that they're not still, like,

wandering around the apartment,

- like, awake and lost and... - All right, all right.

Hey, guys!

It's me!

Um...

There's no doubt in my mind that you're asleep right now,

but on the off chance that you woke up prematurely, here I am.

Pick up the phone.

If you hear my voice, pick up the phone.

If you can hear me, pick up the phone.

Come on, guys.

Come on, guys.

All right, I'm gonna count to three, then I'm just gonna assume that you are asleep.

One, one-thousand.

Pick up the phone.

Two, one-thousand.

All right, three, one-thousand.

All right, I'm not far, guys. I'll keep checking in. Love you. Bye.

But you were buying spray paint. That was for work?

That was for the... Look, I can put it on the tab and buy...

you know, an overload of an amount,

and then I can kind of sneak in my own colors, you know?

- For? - I go bombing.

What does that mean?

Bombing. Like graffiti.

- You know, like that primitive - - Oh, really?

- Like, you write stuff or draw pictures? - I write "Rambo" on Sundays.

- "Rambo." You write that? - Mm-hmm.

- I usually like to go on Sundays 'cause - - Are there less cops maybe?

Yeah, well, they have that TNT - Like, Tuesday Night Task Force.

Tuesdays and Thursdays, there's more cops on the street -

- Dale. - Hey, what's up, man?

- What's happening? - I didn't see you coming.

- Hey. Lenny. - Lenny, this is Rambo.

- Hey, what's up, man? - You mind if I join you guys?

- Yeah. - All right.

- You hungry? - I don't want to interrupt.

I'm just totally listless, you know. I'm just trying to kill time.

- I don't want to go home yet. - He's gonna tell us a story.

He's a graffiti artist. I don't know if I'm supposed to say it.

Christ's sake.

- You can't even see it. - Come on! It's fucking cold, man.

Cut it out.

For crying out loud, let me have this.

"No oil here." I don't know what that means.

- Looks good, Lenny. - It's my name.

- Way to lay it on there thick. - Don't put my last name on there.

- Lenny! Lenny! Run! Lenny!

- Five-0! Run, Lenny! - Uh, yeah...

- Oh, fuck. - NYPD. Let me see your hands.

- Let me see your hands! - Whoa, whoa, listen!

- Let me see your hands! - I didn't do anything.

Up against the wall. Let me see your hands.

Hey, hey, hey. I'm not resisting.

- Let me see your hands right now. - Am I resisting?

- I didn't do anything. - Stop moving.

- All right. - Stop moving.

- First of all - - I don't want to hear your mouth!

- Stop moving! - I'm not resisting.

- What do you have on you? - Listen to me.

- What you have on you? - I was writing something nice -

- What did you have on you back there? - Do I have anything on me?

All right. I'm not resisting. I'm not...

For the record, I'm not resisting.

Let's go.

Line up right over here by the window, back against the wall.

Back against the wall.

Trying to figure out what needs to happen before we can get back out.

Uh, well, Dad, we need to -

Don't be a dick, all right?

We'll definitely see a judge probably within the next 24 hours, I'm assuming.

Since it's the weekend, we're definitely gonna be in here a little longer -

I don't want the fucking sandwich! Cut it out!

I don't want the fucking sandwich.

Leni, it's me.

Um, this is a bona fide emergency.

So I don't know where you are,

I don't know why you're not picking up your phone.

Um, that was my last quarter, so, um...

I am kind of freaking out.

I need you to please go up to 35th Street

and check on the kids as soon as you get this.

I don't know. I have to see a judge apparently.

That might happen at 9:00 in the morning, it might happen at 11:00 in the morning.

Goodbye.

Anybody have another quarter?

- You kidding me? - Call collect.

- You want my sandwich? - Nope. I'm good, man, thanks.

Hey, buddies.

♪ I went out early this morning ♪

♪ To seek out ♪

♪ Some meaning from life ♪

♪ I decided for sure That I'd never look back ♪

♪ At the corruption and broken lives I left in my tracks ♪

♪ Oh, Lord, please forgive me now ♪

Dad, can you turn off the music?

Frey!

Frey! Oh, Sage! You're awake!

Oh, my God!

Oh, yeah!

Listen, listen. Listen, listen, listen.

We overslept. We're late for school. We have five minutes.

We overslept. It's my fault.

It's my fault!

- This isn't the right way. - Right way where?

To school.

Guess what. That's 'cause we're not going to school.

- Where are we going? - Come on, fuckers. Jump up.

Run!

- It seems too easy. - All right, come on, go.

I won't catch you.

What happ - You know, you realize if you go over...

I'll race you down, Sage.

And ready, go.

- Oh, my God.

Hey, hey. Okay. Come on, guys.

- Come on, slowpoke.

- Whoa. - Daddy?

Whoa. Ah!

- Get down.

Come on, Dad!

- Frey, Frey, Frey, Frey, come on.

Great. It's great. You're... It's fortifying.

- No, no. Stop. Stop. Guys, come on.

I want you to appreciate what you're seeing.

- Hmm. - Isn't there something?

Give me one detail on each window, and then we can move on.

You each have to say one detail.

- Realistic clouds. - Okay, realistic clouds.

- That's one. You? - Mmm...

- Red flowers. - Okay, red flowers. That's good.

One detail out of each window. Then you're allowed to move to the next.

- Beautiful background. - Beautiful background.

That's - That's sort of generic.

- But, okay, it's passable. - What's that mean?

It means it's not the most colorful description.

What's happening, guys?

Is that real?

Yep.

You know, I killed one just like this in the bathroom the other day.

- Did it suck your blood? - Actually, it didn't suck my blood.

But I used one of your old sweatshirts to sop it up.

Was there a lot of blood?

Oh, yeah.

- That would suck all my blood out. - They're native to New York.

- That'd suck all your blood out. - Are those alive?

- What? - Are those real?

They breed in the sewers. Nah, it's made out of wax, I think.

No, they magnify it so you can see all the details.

- That's incredible. - That sucks out all our blood.

Wow.

A rooster...

- Heads under. It's not that hot. - Daddy.

You know that mosquito you said you killed that we saw in the museum?

I was kidding. That was a joke.

- Remember today you were making jokes. - You don't know what you're saying.

Remember in the museum you said that I looked like the monkey?

- No. - Well, I was joking too.

- Yeah, but did it look slimy? - Mosquitoes do not exist at that size.

They don't exist in this apartment at that size.

Only in the world of jokes are there mosquitoes that big.

- I don't believe you. - All right, dunk your heads.

- But was it slimy? Was it slimy? - Under. Under, under, under.

- Under. - No.

- Stop! No, Daddy.

Come on, seriously. Just dunk your head, please.

- I did. - Please. I know you did.

Please. Take a page from your brother's book.

- Mom's name is Paige. - That's right.

That's correct.

- No. - All right.

- No. - All right. Okay.

You don't leave me any choice.

All right.

Aah!

Dad, every time I close my eyes, I see the mosquito.

And you said you would turn on the lights. So can you please turn on the lights?

It's just gonna make it harder to fall asleep.

Can you please turn on the light? I don't care.

- Please? - Yeah, Dad, can you turn on the light?

All right, all right, all right.

I don't want a big mosquito sucking all the blood in my dreams.

Or in real life. I don't wanna -

You realize, guys, that mosquitoes are drawn to light.

So if anything, this is just gonna make it scarier and harder for us to fall asleep.

- Good night, Dad. - Night, Dad. Night, Sage.

All right, good night, guys.

- When are we gonna see you again? - Soon, very soon.

Five days?

- Well, not five days. - I bet in a year.

Yeah, less than a year.

No.

- Yes, I mean. - Come on, guys.

Yes, we'll see in you in less - No, we won't see -

- Hi, Paige. Sorry I'm late. - Hey. There you are. Listen, hi.

I love you guys. I miss you. Listen, I got movie tickets.

We gotta go. We gotta go. We gotta go.

- Go to your mom. Run! - Let me get a taxi.

Go to your mother.

I know you guys don't want to go. Come on, run!

- Guys, I'm serious. You're late. Go! - Dad! Daddy!

- Here's a taxi, you guys. Come on. - Seriously. No joke. It's time.

- They don't want to leave. - Look, I got treats.

- I'm just joking with them. - Listen, say goodbye to your dad.

- Bye, Dad. - Okay. Bye, Lenny.

- Just wave to your father. - Hey, Frey. You know what?

- We'll see you. - That's what.

- Wave to your dad. - The bag.

- Okay, let's go. - The bag!

- Hey, hey, hey! Sorry. - Okay.

All right, see you guys.

Hey, hey, hey. What do we have?

- Got some nice wood here. - Come on, man.

- Look, you don't see this every day. - Dale, come on.

- I can do just about anything with this. - You're wasting my time.

- Help me take it to the car. - It's junk.

No, it's good. I can do anything with it.

It's junk. Cheap wood.

- All right. Look. Relax, man. - You see that?

- You're gonna ruin it. - Ruin it? It's a piece of shit!

- Relax, man!

Leni, uh...

Uh...

I am not angry.

I am frustrated, and, um, very confused.

I would like to just hear from you.

If you would like me to stop calling you, I would like to know that.

I - I keep saying, the kids are not here anymore.

I have, um, the free space -

I have the mental space to, I don't know, be more considerate.

Please, just either call me to say hello or call me to tell me to stop calling you.

Fuck!

6-5.

- Hey! Hey!

What the fuck are you doing, man?

Hey!

Hey, quick, do you hear that?

Frey. Frey.

Sage. Sage.

Sage? What's shakin'?

Wh - What's happening, kiddo?

Very good, very good.

Listen, listen, listen, listen. Um, will you put your mom on?

Will you put your mom on for me?

- Okay, here she is.

It's Dad.

Lenny?

Well, you know, it's 6:00. I'm making dinner. What's up?

Do this part again. Do that part again.

Um, I've got Carmen coming tomorrow -

No, no, no, but tomorrow is a half day and I've got plans to take the kids

to see my folks this weekend.

Okay? So it's not gonna happen.

It's a half day. Right, and I've paid Carmen in advance.

She's coming to get the kids, so it's not gonna work.

I - I understand that you miss the kids. That's great. But you know what?

Frankly, you're lucky you even see the kids.

You are. Because I hear the stories.

I mean, you know, I could easily get full custody with these kids.

The stories that I've heard with all your weirdo friends.

These are little kids. It's completely inappropriate what you do with them.

I know you're their father. But you know what?

You're not a great father all the time.

And you certainly were not that great when you had them for the last two weeks.

It's not gonna happen.

My food is getting burnt and overdone. I've gotta go. Okay?

- I'll see you. No. Goodbye.

Have you done anything? No. You haven't done anything.

This is homework that's due tomorrow. Do you see?

It's double-sided. Do it. Okay?

All right. Frey, we're gonna eat in five minutes. All right?

So just hang in there.

Frey!

Frey! Frey!

- Carmen. - Mr. Lenny!

- ¿ Cómo estás? - How you doing?

- ¿ Cómo está usted? - ¡Cuánto tiempo!

- Mucho tiempo. - Hey, how you doin', buddy? Surprise!

- Hay una problemo. - Sí, ¿qué pasó?

Uh...

Paige made a big mistake. Change of plans. I am taking the boys.

I'm gonna give 'em a nice, home-cooked meal today. I'm gonna return them.

- I'm worried. She didn't tell me nothing. - No, no, no. Don't be worried.

She gave me the money. She said it was just a mista - Please.

You know I'm very responsible person.

How you doin', buddy? Where's your brother?

- Be good with papi. Be good with Daddy. - Okay.

Nice to see you, Carmen. Say bye to Carmen.

Oh. All right, guys.

Check it out.

All right, we're almost ready for the chicken, guys. All right?

I made a list. Where is it?

We need some groceries. Sage, come over here.

- What are we having for dinner? - Sage, you're in charge.

- We're having, uh, Lenny surprise. - Oh, God.

Chicken Lennini! Listen to me.

- This is a grocery list.

Read it back to me.

"Milk, cream, orange juice, apple juice, peppercorn, salt."

I don't want you going to the Korean place on the corner.

- It's a rip-off. - Where else?

You're gonna leave the apartment, you're going to make a left.

Then you're gonna make a right - This is how we save money.

Make a right. You're gonna go down to 29th Street, to the big supermarket.

- All right? This is $55. - I'll take it.

- I got it. - You're in charge of the money.

You're in charge of picking out the items.

- I think we should have some keys. - Teamwork, guys.

All right, get up. Okay, go.

- 29th Street and 3rd Avenue. - Bye, Dad.

- Whatever. Bye. - Bye, Dad.

Frey. Frey.

Frey.

Look, fruit snacks. They're my favorite. They have real fruit in them.

Whatever. Toss 'em in, I guess.

Rosemary.

Crushed rosemary?

- Crushed or leaves? - Leaves.

Why leaves?

- It looks nicer.

- Hey! - Hi, Dad!

Hey, quick. Ooh.

Catch it! Come on, guys. Come on in.

- Guys, come on in. - What's happening?

Listen to me. Okay? Listen to me very carefully, all right?

This is a surprise, okay? We are moving.

We have ten minutes to bring everything down to 36th Street.

- What do you mean we're moving? - We are moving to a much bigger apartment.

- Listen to me. Listen to me.

- Listen to me!

We have ten minutes to go downstairs

to a truck that is going to move us to a bigger apartment, okay?

I like this apartment!

You are embarrassing me in front of Mark, okay?

You're embarrassing yourselves in front of Mark, okay?

- I can't hear you. - Lenny, this is a really weird situation.

- What? - I gotta get out of here.

- Hey, guys, it's good to see you again. - Mark, listen to me.

Knew you when you were this big, and when you were pretty much a thought.

- Mark, look. Ten more minutes. - No, I'm done. I'm gone, man.

Listen, guys, we'll catch up the next time your dad's not moving.

- Mark. Mark. - I'm gonna go.

Mark, do not do this to me. Please do not do -

- Do not do this to me! Ten more minutes! - You really wanna take your hand off.

- Mark. - No more.

- You've been a saint. - Yeah, well, later.

All right, guys, change of plans. Change of plans.

We are down to three. I seriously need your cooperation.

We have to work as a team.

- No! No. - Pick up a box. Hold a box. Hold a box.

- Hold this box. All right?

All right, guys. I got all your toys in here, okay?

We're only taking the essentials now. And guess what I considered an essential?

All right? The games.

- You're crazy.

Oh, my God.

Okay, give me a box. Give me...

Give me a box!

What do you look so happy for? I see you smiling.

I see you smiling. Come on.

All right, guys.

- Hey, hey, hey. All right.

- All right, thanks, man. - What's with the fridge?

- I told you, I'm moving everything. - But what's with the fridge?

You just told me you, a couple boxes, and that was it.

Just open the back for me, all right?

All right, guys, up and at 'em.

And we're off.

- Will you please hold on?

Thank you.

This is pretty awesome, huh?

- Whoa. Hey.

Watch it! Hey!

Hold on. Will you hold on to the thing?

- Hey, watch - Listen to me.

Jesus Christ. Hold on. I said hold on.

I'm holding on!

Will you watch your driving, man? I'm not kidding!

Listen, that's it. You or anybody does not tell me how to drive.

- Oh, come on, man. For cryin' out loud... - That's it.

- Get your stuff out. Out. - Listen to me. I apologize.

- I got nothing to say. - This is not a personal thing.

Get your stuff out. George!

- The kids were bouncing all over. - Help me get these things out.

- Give me a fuckin' break! - Let's go.

You all right? You all right? Ooh.

You all right?

What's the matter with you?

- Help me. - Come on!

Come on, guys!

Here. Three, please.

- Frey, help! - Just keep it.

Could you hit the service door for me?

Thank you.

- I'm not going. - Help. Help.

I'm not going there.

Sage!

That's fine.

Here, this way.

- What - - Forget it. Just forget it. Come on.

What about the other boxes?

This way. Come around this way. Put the boxes in.

Frey, I need you to cooperate right now.

This is all gonna be over in five minutes. Okay?

- Come on. - No!

- Come on. I'm not kidding. Goddamn it. - Get off!

- Get off! Get off! - All right, we're ready to go.

Get off!

Stop it. Stop it. I'm not kidding.

- Stop it. - Get off.

Listen to me.

Good afternoon.

If you are standing, hold on, please, while the car is in motion.