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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:30,428 Come on. Come on! 2 00:00:31,452 --> 00:00:33,440 Sir? Sir? Good morning sir. 3 00:00:34,464 --> 00:00:35,606 Welcome to the Whitbury New Town Leisure Centre. 4 00:00:35,630 --> 00:00:36,607 How may I help you? 5 00:00:36,631 --> 00:00:38,506 I was just checking when the pool was open. 6 00:00:38,530 --> 00:00:40,576 9:20 to 12:50, 1:15 to 7:45, sir. 7 00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:41,537 That's alright, thank you. 8 00:00:41,561 --> 00:00:42,606 Yes, just one moment. 9 00:00:42,630 --> 00:00:45,576 Can I ask you a question before you go? 10 00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:46,537 Yes. 11 00:00:46,561 --> 00:00:49,576 I wonder, were you planning to use our cafeteria during your visit today? 12 00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:51,606 Well, no, I only called in to check... 13 00:00:51,630 --> 00:00:53,376 Ah, is there any particular reason why not? 14 00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:54,576 No, as I said... 15 00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:56,640 Now, would you be more prepared to use our cafeteria 16 00:00:56,664 --> 00:00:58,390 if we provided vegetarian food? -No. 17 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,576 If we displayed calorie counts by each dish? 18 00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:04,590 No, look, it's not... -Baked our own bread on the premises? 19 00:01:05,330 --> 00:01:06,576 There's no point asking me. 20 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,536 I only called in to check pool times, okay? 21 00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:10,930 Disposable cutlery? 22 00:01:11,537 --> 00:01:12,537 Oh, please, please. 23 00:01:12,561 --> 00:01:15,576 It will be so helpful if you could just... 24 00:01:15,600 --> 00:01:16,537 Have a nice day. 25 00:01:16,561 --> 00:01:18,376 How's it going, Carole? 26 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:19,536 Oh, Mr. Brittas. -You haven't forgotten 27 00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:21,320 I want those questionnaires by four o' clock? 28 00:01:21,344 --> 00:01:23,576 Oh, Mr. Brittas, would it matter, dreadfully, 29 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:25,576 if you didn't have quite all of them? 30 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:27,536 I need all 100, Carole. 31 00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:31,536 I cannot make meaningful deductions from a statistical sample any smaller than that. 32 00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:32,576 Gavin. 33 00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:33,576 No, of course not. 34 00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:35,606 Basement toilet's backing up again. 35 00:01:35,630 --> 00:01:36,607 Oh, morning, Tim. 36 00:01:36,631 --> 00:01:38,536 Patrick's closed down the lid, and tried to seal it down with sellotape, 37 00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:40,606 but there's definitely something wrong with those drains. 38 00:01:40,630 --> 00:01:41,576 I'll call the man. Tim? 39 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:42,507 Yes? -Tim, have you finished 40 00:01:42,531 --> 00:01:43,971 filling in your questionnaires, yet? 41 00:01:43,995 --> 00:01:45,576 I've just handed them to Laura. Why? 42 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:47,920 You didn't have any trouble getting people to fill them in? 43 00:01:47,944 --> 00:01:49,590 Oh, absolutely none at all. 44 00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:52,657 The thing you had to bear in mind was that Mr. Brittas needed those forms 45 00:01:52,681 --> 00:01:54,081 and I had to make sure he got them. 46 00:01:54,105 --> 00:01:55,837 I found that sort of carried me through. 47 00:01:55,861 --> 00:01:56,861 I see. 48 00:01:58,600 --> 00:01:59,600 So, what do you think? 49 00:02:00,530 --> 00:02:02,930 Well, does this mean you'll be going away again, Mr. Brittas? 50 00:02:02,954 --> 00:02:04,536 No, I'm not going anywhere, Gavin. 51 00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:05,576 Oh, yes. Yes, of course. 52 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:06,930 But someone else might be. 53 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:09,506 Right. 54 00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:10,576 Someone who, one day, 55 00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:12,576 may be interested in becoming a manager, 56 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:16,536 or a deputy manager, him or herself? 57 00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:17,560 Right. 58 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:20,990 Oh, you don't mean? 59 00:02:21,330 --> 00:02:22,390 Oh, right! 60 00:02:22,630 --> 00:02:24,676 Naaaah. 61 00:02:24,700 --> 00:02:26,506 I've been watching you, Gavin Featherly. 62 00:02:26,530 --> 00:02:28,576 There aren't many people on this staff 63 00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:31,576 who have what I call LMP. 64 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:32,990 Leisure management potential. 65 00:02:33,530 --> 00:02:36,536 But you have the attitude and maybe even the calling. 66 00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:37,537 Oh, goodness. 67 00:02:37,561 --> 00:02:39,606 Let me know what you think at lunchtime, eh? 68 00:02:39,630 --> 00:02:40,576 Yeah, Mr. Brittas? 69 00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:43,536 I wondered do we really have room for another manager? 70 00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:45,536 I mean, we already have two managers. 71 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:47,376 Well, three, if you count yourself. 72 00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:50,536 I can't be too specific at this juncture in time, Gavin. 73 00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:53,990 Let's just say there's a possibility that a vacancy for deputy manager 74 00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:56,576 may be coming up in the foreseeable future. 75 00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:57,537 You mean someone's leaving? 76 00:02:57,561 --> 00:03:00,576 That, I'm not at liberty to discuss, Gavin. 77 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:04,536 Gotta be rather discreet at this point. 78 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:06,660 Tell Colin to come to my office, please, Carole. 79 00:03:09,530 --> 00:03:11,506 I've got Tim's questionnaires on the pool for you. 80 00:03:11,530 --> 00:03:13,606 Thank you, Laura. 81 00:03:13,630 --> 00:03:16,590 The main thing the public seem to want is higher pay for pool staff. 82 00:03:17,300 --> 00:03:18,576 Really? 83 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:19,537 Yes, according to these, 84 00:03:19,561 --> 00:03:22,506 they'd be quite happy to pay twice as much for the ticket, 85 00:03:22,530 --> 00:03:25,606 if they knew the money was going straight into the hands of the lifeguards. 86 00:03:25,630 --> 00:03:28,536 Now, that does surprise me. 87 00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:31,321 You're planning to use this sort of information, are you, Mr. Brittas? 88 00:03:31,345 --> 00:03:33,606 This is going to be the basis for a complete overhaul 89 00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,636 of our administrative structure, Laura. 90 00:03:35,660 --> 00:03:37,576 If I'm to go to Brussels, 91 00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:40,536 I want this place to be as sharp and effective as possible. 92 00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:41,407 Oh, good. 93 00:03:41,431 --> 00:03:44,636 Though, there is one simple change that I think we all know 94 00:03:44,660 --> 00:03:46,606 would do a lot more than anything else. 95 00:03:46,630 --> 00:03:47,576 What's that? 96 00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:49,506 Hasn't it ever occurred to you, Laura, 97 00:03:49,530 --> 00:03:51,506 that most of the upsets in this Centre 98 00:03:51,530 --> 00:03:53,576 are caused by one person? 99 00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:54,600 Well... 100 00:03:55,530 --> 00:03:58,606 One member of the team, Laura, who means well 101 00:03:58,630 --> 00:04:00,636 but is consistently the dead pigeon 102 00:04:00,660 --> 00:04:03,576 in the jet turbines of management? 103 00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:04,390 Well... 104 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:07,640 And have you ever tried to imagine what this place would be like without him? 105 00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:08,664 I have, sometimes. 106 00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:10,560 He has to go, Laura. 107 00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:13,636 I cannot justify having a swimming pool manager 108 00:04:13,660 --> 00:04:16,660 with a skin condition which means he can't go in water. 109 00:04:17,330 --> 00:04:18,570 Oh, you're talking about Colin. 110 00:04:18,594 --> 00:04:20,576 Of course I'm talking about Colin. 111 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:22,306 You're not gonna fire him? 112 00:04:22,330 --> 00:04:25,536 That man is dead weight, Laura. 113 00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:27,560 Well, you must do what you think best, Mr. Brittas, 114 00:04:27,584 --> 00:04:29,744 but I'm telling you now, you're not gonna find it easy. 115 00:04:29,768 --> 00:04:31,576 Not today. 116 00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:32,576 So sorry I'm late, Mr. Brittas. 117 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:34,590 Colin? 118 00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:38,376 Just to let you, I've got your message, 119 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:41,576 and I'll be with you as soon as I've made a rather urgent trip to the toilet. 120 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,536 Uh, Colin, what's happened to your eyes? 121 00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:46,990 Ah, yes. I'm afraid I've been blinded, Mr. Brittas. 122 00:04:47,500 --> 00:04:51,606 Still, we mustn't dwell on my little problems. 123 00:04:51,630 --> 00:04:52,576 I'll be as quick as I can. 124 00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:53,407 Do you want a hand, Colin? 125 00:04:53,431 --> 00:04:54,576 I beg your pardon? 126 00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:56,606 Oh, I see what you mean. 127 00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:57,390 No, thank you, Laura. 128 00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:59,560 I should be able to find it on my own. 129 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:01,560 What happened to him? 130 00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:02,990 His garden blew up. 131 00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:07,576 You know his organic vegetable bed? 132 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:11,576 Turns out it was built on 70 feet of toxic waste, dating back to the '50s. 133 00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:14,606 Nobody realised quite how much gas was building up 134 00:05:14,630 --> 00:05:15,537 until yesterday evening, 135 00:05:15,561 --> 00:05:18,630 he went to light his charcoal pit, and... 136 00:05:19,530 --> 00:05:22,606 The hospital wanted to keep him, but he insisted on coming in. 137 00:05:22,630 --> 00:05:23,537 Why? 138 00:05:23,561 --> 00:05:25,536 He didn't want to let you down. 139 00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:29,606 He said you've always taught him to put duty before minor personal discomfort. 140 00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:32,930 I get your message, Laura, but I'm afraid it doesn't change anything. 141 00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:34,560 He's been blinded, Mr. Brittas! 142 00:05:35,530 --> 00:05:37,990 Which means he's now medically incapable of doing his job 143 00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:39,506 as well as incompetent. 144 00:05:39,530 --> 00:05:42,590 I'm sorry, when he comes back here, I'm gonna fire him. 145 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:58,390 I shouldn't do that if I were you, Colin. 146 00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:02,590 Laura! What are you doing in here? 147 00:06:03,330 --> 00:06:05,506 This happens to be my office, Colin. 148 00:06:05,530 --> 00:06:08,576 Don't tell me I've taken a wrong turn. 149 00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:10,630 Colin, come here, I want to talk to you. 150 00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:15,506 Colin, stop right there. Stay right where you are. 151 00:06:15,530 --> 00:06:17,606 Give me this, there we go. 152 00:06:17,630 --> 00:06:20,536 Take him to the seat, please, Laura. 153 00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:23,606 My trophies. 154 00:06:23,630 --> 00:06:25,576 I don't think you'll need me for this bit. 155 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:27,336 Oh, I don't know if Colin mentioned it, 156 00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:28,536 but the eye surgeon said 157 00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:31,536 there was every chance he may regain his sight 158 00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:34,536 if he avoids all excitement and sudden shocks. 159 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:36,536 You'll bear that in mind, won't you? 160 00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:37,680 Don't worry about me, Laura. 161 00:06:37,704 --> 00:06:39,704 When you've had something like your garden explode, 162 00:06:39,728 --> 00:06:41,654 what's left to shock you, eh? 163 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:46,536 Now, Colin, I've been reviewing your job situation. 164 00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:49,336 I never cease to be grateful for it, Mr. Brittas. 165 00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:50,760 Colin. -The thing about having a job 166 00:06:50,784 --> 00:06:52,576 is it gives you a sense of purpose. 167 00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:54,606 Yes, well. -And if there's one thing I've learnt from you, Mr. Brittas, 168 00:06:54,630 --> 00:06:56,536 is that if you don't have a purpose in life, 169 00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:59,930 you may as well give up the ghost, and throw yourself on the scrapheap. 170 00:07:00,330 --> 00:07:02,010 Colin, would you allow me to speak, please? 171 00:07:02,034 --> 00:07:03,034 Sorry, Mr. Brittas. 172 00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:06,360 Right. Now, I have something to say to you 173 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:09,576 and you're not making it easy for me. 174 00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:10,630 Brittas. 175 00:07:11,530 --> 00:07:13,476 Yes. Yes, he is, Carole. 176 00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:14,536 Right. 177 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:16,530 Alright, Carole, bye. 178 00:07:17,537 --> 00:07:18,537 Colin. 179 00:07:18,561 --> 00:07:20,576 Yes? 180 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:24,476 Colin -- I have to go downstairs for a minute. 181 00:07:24,500 --> 00:07:25,990 Just wait here, will you? 182 00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:28,530 Thank you very much, Mr. Brittas. 183 00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:33,360 I've told you, you can have it back, Mr. Furnival, 184 00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:35,800 just as soon as you finish filling in this questionnaire. 185 00:07:35,824 --> 00:07:36,906 Thank you very much. 186 00:07:38,630 --> 00:07:41,606 Whitbury New Town Leisure Centre. How can I help you? 187 00:07:41,630 --> 00:07:43,630 Oh, Mrs. Brittas, you want to speak to Mr. Brittas? 188 00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:45,630 Yes, I can take a message. 189 00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:50,406 You want a divorce. 190 00:07:50,430 --> 00:07:51,606 Anything else? 191 00:07:51,630 --> 00:07:54,390 Yes, I'll see that he gets it. -Carole, Carole. 192 00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:55,576 Helen? Helen, it's me. 193 00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,536 Are you alright? 194 00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:01,606 Of course I don't mind. I'd love to talk about it. 195 00:08:01,630 --> 00:08:03,390 How soon can you get in? 196 00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:06,600 Oh, Helen. 197 00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:10,336 Have you got Mrs. Brittas's box? 198 00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:11,630 Yes, of course. 199 00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:13,606 Come on, 200 00:08:13,630 --> 00:08:15,476 tell me all about it. 201 00:08:15,500 --> 00:08:16,576 Right, Carole, what is it? 202 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:17,606 Ah, Mr. Brittas. 203 00:08:17,630 --> 00:08:18,870 You've had some news for Colin. 204 00:08:18,894 --> 00:08:20,606 Yes, it's about his aunt, it's very sad. 205 00:08:20,630 --> 00:08:21,630 You see... 206 00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:23,576 Linda! 207 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:24,576 I'm sorry, Mr. Brittas. 208 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:28,606 There's all this stuff coming out of the lavatory. 209 00:08:28,630 --> 00:08:32,306 I tried flushing it but more of it pours out onto the floor. 210 00:08:32,330 --> 00:08:33,576 You must know the routine 211 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,990 for a backed up toilet by now, Linda. -Yes, but... 212 00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:38,710 You block the bowl, put an Out Of Order notice on the door, 213 00:08:38,734 --> 00:08:40,734 and get Carole to call some drainage engineers. 214 00:08:41,325 --> 00:08:43,606 Well, as matter of fact, Mr. Brittas, I did try earlier... 215 00:08:43,630 --> 00:08:45,336 I don't want to hear about trying, Carole. 216 00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:47,990 I want a trained operative here and on the job, alright? 217 00:08:48,300 --> 00:08:49,780 Now, what is this about Colin's aunt? 218 00:08:49,804 --> 00:08:50,606 Oh, she died. 219 00:08:50,630 --> 00:08:51,360 Died? 220 00:08:51,530 --> 00:08:53,630 Yes, I'm afraid Colin's going to be terribly upset. 221 00:08:54,330 --> 00:08:56,968 This is the aunt who brought him up as a boy, you see 222 00:08:56,992 --> 00:08:59,606 after his parents passed away in the combine harvester. 223 00:08:59,630 --> 00:09:00,607 Yes. 224 00:09:00,631 --> 00:09:04,576 The nursing home wanted to know if you wouldn't mind breaking the news. 225 00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:05,576 Right, I'd better do that, Carole. 226 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:06,330 Yes, Mr. Brittas. 227 00:09:06,530 --> 00:09:09,576 I don't want to go to Brussels, Laura. 228 00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:10,606 Oh. 229 00:09:10,630 --> 00:09:12,710 It's bad enough when things go wrong in this country, 230 00:09:12,734 --> 00:09:15,504 but when you can't even speak the language. 231 00:09:15,530 --> 00:09:16,507 Yes. 232 00:09:16,531 --> 00:09:19,660 l mean, how do I tell a doctor I need stronger pills in Flemish? 233 00:09:20,590 --> 00:09:22,070 You think he might get the job, then? 234 00:09:22,094 --> 00:09:24,536 Oh, he sailed through the first four interviews. 235 00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:27,576 Everyone thinks 'cause of his medals, he's a hero. 236 00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:32,606 And you saw Jeremy Paxman fawning all over him on "Newsnight". 237 00:09:32,630 --> 00:09:34,576 I hadn't realised things were going so well. 238 00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:37,606 Oh, I've tried everything to stop it. And three weeks ago, 239 00:09:37,630 --> 00:09:40,560 I even decided to stop letting him, you know... 240 00:09:41,530 --> 00:09:43,506 To show him how upset I was. 241 00:09:43,530 --> 00:09:44,536 How's that working? 242 00:09:44,560 --> 00:09:45,507 Oh, it's been hell. 243 00:09:45,531 --> 00:09:47,960 I've never felt so... 244 00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:50,960 You meant with Gordon, didn't you? 245 00:09:50,984 --> 00:09:51,537 Yeah. 246 00:09:51,561 --> 00:09:53,630 I don't think he's actually noticed, yet. 247 00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:57,636 You have told him, have you? 248 00:09:57,660 --> 00:09:58,576 How do you mean? 249 00:09:58,600 --> 00:09:59,576 That you don't want to go to Brussels? 250 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:00,537 You have actually told him? 251 00:10:00,561 --> 00:10:02,960 Do you think that would help? 252 00:10:03,660 --> 00:10:05,536 I think it might. 253 00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:06,576 Look, if you like, 254 00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:08,280 I can have a word... -Oh, would you, Laura? 255 00:10:08,330 --> 00:10:10,576 A divorce would sound so much better coming from you. 256 00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:12,506 No, Helen, I meant that I could say 257 00:10:12,530 --> 00:10:14,606 that you wanted to have a talk. 258 00:10:14,630 --> 00:10:15,630 Oh. 259 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:19,576 Oh, I see. Well, give me five minutes, then. 260 00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:20,537 Is that you, Mr. Brittas? 261 00:10:20,561 --> 00:10:21,576 Yes, Colin. 262 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:23,576 Julie very kindly made some coffee. 263 00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:24,606 Can I pour you one? 264 00:10:24,630 --> 00:10:25,630 Thank you. 265 00:10:28,660 --> 00:10:31,630 It's one sugar, isn't it, Mr. Brittas? 266 00:10:33,030 --> 00:10:34,630 Colin. 267 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:41,536 Oh, my word! 268 00:10:41,560 --> 00:10:43,360 That sets you up. 269 00:10:44,330 --> 00:10:46,606 Colin, Carole's just given me some news for you. 270 00:10:46,630 --> 00:10:48,536 I haven't won the pools, have I? 271 00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:51,290 No, it's about your aunt, Mrs. Witherspoon. 272 00:10:51,530 --> 00:10:53,606 That's Miss, actually, Mr. Brittas. 273 00:10:53,630 --> 00:10:54,360 She never married. 274 00:10:54,630 --> 00:10:56,576 I'm the nearest thing she has to a son. 275 00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:57,576 Colin... 276 00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:59,420 Oh, it's not the hiccups again, is it? -What!? 277 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:01,536 Only, the last time they lasted a fortnight. 278 00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:02,930 What that woman suffered. 279 00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:05,536 Colin, would you just shut up and let me speak, please? 280 00:11:05,560 --> 00:11:07,576 I'm sorry, Mr. Brittas. 281 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,606 Colin, the news is rather serious, I'm afraid. 282 00:11:10,630 --> 00:11:12,590 More serious than hiccups? 283 00:11:13,330 --> 00:11:17,360 I'm afraid it falls to me to have to inform you... 284 00:11:17,530 --> 00:11:19,536 She's died, hasn't she? 285 00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:20,507 Well, yes, she has. 286 00:11:20,531 --> 00:11:22,536 That's typical of you, Mr. Brittas. 287 00:11:22,560 --> 00:11:23,537 What? 288 00:11:23,561 --> 00:11:25,606 Here you are, trying to spare my feelings 289 00:11:25,630 --> 00:11:27,536 and all I can do is chatter away. 290 00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:30,506 I am very sorry, Colin. -It's alright. 291 00:11:30,530 --> 00:11:33,590 She was 93, you can't expect... 292 00:11:34,530 --> 00:11:36,536 Would you have a tissue, please? 293 00:11:36,560 --> 00:11:37,560 There you go. 294 00:11:39,590 --> 00:11:40,790 What have I done, Mr. Brittas? 295 00:11:40,814 --> 00:11:42,134 It's alright, Colin, I'll get it. 296 00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:44,360 Oi, you, come back! -What? What is it? 297 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:46,536 That bird of yours is flying around my office. 298 00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:47,640 Shut the door, Mr. Brittas! 299 00:11:47,664 --> 00:11:49,576 If it gets out, we'll never get it back. 300 00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:51,590 Shut the door! 301 00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:55,630 It didn't make it into the passage, did it? 302 00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:00,576 No, it didn't make it into the passage, Colin. 303 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:03,330 I'm sorry to make such a fuss, Mr. Brittas. 304 00:12:03,560 --> 00:12:04,960 It's just with Auntie dying, 305 00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:07,560 Jeremy's the last person I've got left. 306 00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:11,506 Come on. Come to Daddy, son. 307 00:12:11,530 --> 00:12:13,536 It's alright, Colin, I've got it. 308 00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:16,590 Thank heavens for that. 309 00:12:18,536 --> 00:12:19,576 I'll tell you what, Colin. 310 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:21,590 I'll take it downstairs. 311 00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:24,630 I think what it needs, now is a drink of water. 312 00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:29,636 And you've no idea who did this to you? 313 00:12:29,660 --> 00:12:30,607 Nope. 314 00:12:30,631 --> 00:12:33,676 Well, I'll go and call a locksmith. 315 00:12:33,700 --> 00:12:35,536 In the meantime, I wonder, 316 00:12:35,560 --> 00:12:37,406 would you fill in a questionnaire about our cafeteria? 317 00:12:37,430 --> 00:12:38,430 Thank you very much! 318 00:12:38,630 --> 00:12:40,606 Gotta pop out for five minutes, Carole. 319 00:12:40,630 --> 00:12:41,710 If anyone needs me, mobile. 320 00:12:41,734 --> 00:12:42,680 Yes, Mr. Brittas. -Mr. Brittas! Mr. Brittas! 321 00:12:42,704 --> 00:12:43,576 Not now, Laura. 322 00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:45,636 Your wife wants to talk to you very urgently. 323 00:12:45,660 --> 00:12:46,576 Well, tell her to wait, will you? 324 00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:48,640 I'm got to pop down to the pet shop to buy a canary. 325 00:12:48,664 --> 00:12:50,506 She is very upset. 326 00:12:50,530 --> 00:12:53,336 Upset? -Yes. 327 00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:55,720 Have you noticed anything odd about her behaviour, recently? 328 00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:57,606 Well, she has been tense. 329 00:12:57,630 --> 00:12:59,606 Anyone who starts picking off strips of wallpaper 330 00:12:59,630 --> 00:13:03,636 at three in the morning is obviously frustrated about something. 331 00:13:03,660 --> 00:13:06,230 But I am dealing with it, Laura. -Dealing with it? 332 00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:08,390 I bought her a present. 333 00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:17,576 It's a mini keyboard. 334 00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:19,536 It's actually a Casio Club, Laura. 335 00:13:19,560 --> 00:13:21,606 I thought if she had an outside interest... 336 00:13:21,630 --> 00:13:22,607 Mr. Brittas, 337 00:13:22,631 --> 00:13:24,470 I think the main cause of the problem is that 338 00:13:24,494 --> 00:13:26,094 your wife doesn't want to go to Brussels. 339 00:13:26,118 --> 00:13:27,518 Really? 340 00:13:27,630 --> 00:13:29,376 And I think you should talk to her about it. 341 00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:30,640 I will. -She's in the staffroom. 342 00:13:30,664 --> 00:13:34,506 I will, Laura, just as soon as I've found someone to buy this bird for... Tim? 343 00:13:34,530 --> 00:13:35,576 Yes, Mr. Brittas? 344 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:36,606 I want you to do something for me, please. 345 00:13:36,630 --> 00:13:38,576 It's past the first floor now, Mr. Brittas. 346 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:39,537 What? -The toilets! 347 00:13:39,561 --> 00:13:41,721 I bunged up the ones on the ground floor like you said. 348 00:13:41,745 --> 00:13:43,576 But now it's coming through upstairs. 349 00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:45,640 I thought Carole was calling the drainage engineers. 350 00:13:45,664 --> 00:13:47,606 I did, Mr. Brittas, but they won't come. 351 00:13:47,630 --> 00:13:49,536 Something about a letter you sent to Customs and Excise. 352 00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:50,760 But there must be some others. 353 00:13:50,784 --> 00:13:52,264 What about the ones we had last week? 354 00:13:52,330 --> 00:13:53,506 If you mean the people on Tuesday, 355 00:13:53,530 --> 00:13:54,576 you sent them home because they had 356 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,576 the Union Jack upside down on their overalls. 357 00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:57,507 I've tried lots of others, 358 00:13:57,531 --> 00:14:00,536 but we seem to be on some sort of list. 359 00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:01,536 Do you still want me or can I go away? 360 00:14:01,560 --> 00:14:05,536 Yes, I still want you to go down to town and buy another one of these, please. 361 00:14:05,560 --> 00:14:06,576 It's Jeremy. 362 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:07,576 What? 363 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:08,536 It's Colin's canary. 364 00:14:08,560 --> 00:14:09,600 What have you done to him? 365 00:14:09,624 --> 00:14:11,306 I haven't done anything, Gavin. 366 00:14:11,330 --> 00:14:12,536 It got trapped in a door. 367 00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:13,537 You've killed him. 368 00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:15,506 Just do as your told, please, Timothy. 369 00:14:15,530 --> 00:14:17,506 As near like this one as you can, please. 370 00:14:17,530 --> 00:14:19,730 You mean with a crushed thorax and blood all over its... 371 00:14:19,754 --> 00:14:21,714 Just do as you're told. 372 00:14:26,507 --> 00:14:27,507 Right, as I see it, 373 00:14:27,531 --> 00:14:30,536 we have one flushing closet on the top floor here 374 00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:32,630 with no knowing how long it's gonna hold out. 375 00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:34,536 This is what will happen. 376 00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:35,576 He won't be long, Helen. 377 00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:38,536 Attention all staff. Attention all staff. 378 00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:42,576 We are moving to Emergency Toilet Procedure Green. 379 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:46,530 I repeat, we are moving to ETP Green. 380 00:14:47,630 --> 00:14:49,870 This is what it's going to be like in Brussels, isn't it? 381 00:14:49,894 --> 00:14:52,924 Only out there, we won't have any understanding ambulance men. 382 00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:54,606 It might not be. 383 00:14:54,630 --> 00:14:55,606 How do you mean? 384 00:14:55,630 --> 00:14:56,537 Has he told you anything about the job? 385 00:14:56,561 --> 00:14:58,360 Oh, he never stops. 386 00:14:58,536 --> 00:14:59,536 No, only, I just thought, 387 00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:00,960 it's mostly making rules, isn't it? 388 00:15:00,984 --> 00:15:04,606 Preparing reports, setting up initiatives, theory? 389 00:15:04,630 --> 00:15:05,537 So? 390 00:15:05,561 --> 00:15:06,576 Well, he does that sort of thing rather well. 391 00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:07,576 Look, Helen. 392 00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:08,576 Most of the trouble here 393 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:10,506 is because he has to deal with people 394 00:15:10,530 --> 00:15:11,570 and he's dreadful at that. 395 00:15:11,594 --> 00:15:14,623 But working in Brussels has got nothing to do with people. 396 00:15:15,530 --> 00:15:16,970 I think he may have found his niche. 397 00:15:16,994 --> 00:15:17,576 His what? 398 00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:19,390 Put him in the right place, Helen, 399 00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:21,536 make him a square peg in a square hole, 400 00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:23,576 he could be a different person. 401 00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:24,636 Do you really think so? 402 00:15:24,660 --> 00:15:26,576 It could be better for you, better for him, 403 00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:28,536 better for everyone. 404 00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:29,507 Brussels. 405 00:15:29,531 --> 00:15:32,990 It's quite close to Amsterdam, isn't it? -Quite. 406 00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:37,360 I always thought they had very sensible laws about drugs and things. 407 00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:40,576 Get onto Talking Pages, Julie. 408 00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:43,576 There must be someone in this country prepared to rod a drain. 409 00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:44,576 What are you going to do about Colin? 410 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:45,636 What? 411 00:15:45,660 --> 00:15:46,337 He's still waiting. 412 00:15:46,361 --> 00:15:47,506 Colin. 413 00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:50,506 I'll give him five minutes, get his cards ready, will you? 414 00:15:50,530 --> 00:15:52,560 Now, where's that pamphlet I wrote on unemployment? 415 00:15:53,290 --> 00:15:55,606 It's here. 416 00:15:55,630 --> 00:15:56,630 Right. 417 00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:02,306 Sorry to have kept you waiting, Colin. 418 00:16:02,330 --> 00:16:04,660 Don't you worry about me, Mr. Brittas. 419 00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:07,576 Now, you probably know what I want to say to you. 420 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:10,330 I have a sneaking suspicion, yes. 421 00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:13,636 Well, that makes it easier for both of us, doesn't it? 422 00:16:13,660 --> 00:16:16,536 Let me start by giving you this. 423 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:18,536 Thank you, Mr. Brittas. 424 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:21,576 Now, Colin, you've been here for five years... 425 00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:23,636 And you still remember our birthdays. 426 00:16:23,660 --> 00:16:24,660 What? 427 00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:27,880 I only wish I could see the card. 428 00:16:27,904 --> 00:16:29,430 Has everybody signed it? 429 00:16:29,607 --> 00:16:30,607 Colin. 430 00:16:30,631 --> 00:16:32,606 I wonder if I could ask a favour, Mr. Brittas. 431 00:16:32,630 --> 00:16:35,606 Only yours isn't the only card I had this morning. 432 00:16:35,630 --> 00:16:38,451 I wonder, have you time to tell me who they're from? 433 00:16:38,475 --> 00:16:39,630 Yes, of course. Colin 434 00:16:40,530 --> 00:16:44,536 Right, well, this one is from Pauline, the milkman. 435 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:46,536 How very thoughtful. 436 00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:49,636 This one's from the "Young Telegraph". 437 00:16:49,660 --> 00:16:51,590 'Happy Birthday, Colin." -Clobber. 438 00:16:54,630 --> 00:16:56,606 And this one says, "Dear Colin. 439 00:16:56,630 --> 00:16:59,606 I'm so sorry, it's all gone. 440 00:16:59,630 --> 00:17:02,606 There's nothing left, I'm so sorry, so terribly sorry. 441 00:17:02,630 --> 00:17:03,576 Signed, G. Adams." 442 00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:04,606 Who's G. Adams? 443 00:17:04,630 --> 00:17:06,590 That's my accountant, Mr. Brittas. 444 00:17:07,476 --> 00:17:08,476 Your accountant? 445 00:17:08,500 --> 00:17:09,560 What's he doing in Rio? 446 00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:10,630 Rio? 447 00:17:11,536 --> 00:17:12,576 I've no idea, Mr. Brittas. 448 00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:15,590 I was under the impression he was still living in Wellington Road. 449 00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:18,536 I hope this man hasn't got any of your money, Colin. 450 00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:20,576 Everything, Mr. Brittas. 451 00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:24,506 Life savings, insurance policies, pension plan. 452 00:17:24,530 --> 00:17:25,330 I see. 453 00:17:25,530 --> 00:17:26,576 It's alright, Mr. Brittas. 454 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:28,606 These things happen. 455 00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:29,710 Where are you going, Colin? 456 00:17:29,734 --> 00:17:31,606 I think, if you don't mind, 457 00:17:31,630 --> 00:17:33,576 I'd like to get back to work. 458 00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:35,400 Colin, I... -As you so often say, Mr. Brittas. 459 00:17:35,424 --> 00:17:37,536 "Work is the great healer." 460 00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:39,576 Thank goodness I've still got that, eh? 461 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,536 There wasn't anything else was there? 462 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:42,990 Colin... 463 00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:46,530 You just get back to work, Colin. 464 00:17:49,660 --> 00:17:52,606 I have called our engineers, sir. 465 00:17:52,630 --> 00:17:54,506 In the meantime, I wonder, 466 00:17:54,530 --> 00:17:56,590 would you mind filling in one of these, thank you. 467 00:17:58,530 --> 00:17:59,536 What's going on? 468 00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:02,321 It's the only way I can get anyone to fill in one of these forms, Tim. 469 00:18:02,345 --> 00:18:03,606 Oh, Carole. 470 00:18:03,630 --> 00:18:05,390 What are you doing? 471 00:18:06,660 --> 00:18:08,590 I think you'll find it's alright now, sir. 472 00:18:09,630 --> 00:18:11,376 You fill the forms in yourself, Carole. 473 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:12,640 That's what everybody else did. 474 00:18:12,664 --> 00:18:13,576 Really? 475 00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:14,537 I'll show you. 476 00:18:14,561 --> 00:18:15,606 What are you doing? 477 00:18:15,630 --> 00:18:17,576 No, no, please. -Now that's because 478 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:19,000 Brittas says in any genuine survey, 479 00:18:19,024 --> 00:18:20,576 2% of the papers are always spoiled. 480 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,536 Now, you think of a name. 481 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:23,576 Is that you, Tim? 482 00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:24,990 Colin, I thought you'd gone home. 483 00:18:25,255 --> 00:18:27,536 I haven't actually got a home to go to at the moment, Tim. 484 00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:28,537 Shouldn't we be on duty? 485 00:18:28,561 --> 00:18:30,536 Yes, but you're still... 486 00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:32,760 Ah, Mr. Brittas's orders. If you'd like to lead the way. 487 00:18:32,784 --> 00:18:34,506 Yes. Yes, of course. 488 00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:37,880 Carole, could you make sure Mr. Brittas gets that filing cabinet? 489 00:18:37,904 --> 00:18:38,797 Filing cabinet? 490 00:18:38,821 --> 00:18:41,606 Oh, yes! Right. -Excuse me. 491 00:18:41,630 --> 00:18:43,530 I can't seem to find a working lavatory. 492 00:18:43,630 --> 00:18:45,990 No, that's because we haven't any. 493 00:18:47,590 --> 00:18:48,710 I wonder, could you tell me, 494 00:18:48,734 --> 00:18:50,724 was it a number one or a number two? 495 00:18:52,530 --> 00:18:53,606 I'm sorry? 496 00:18:53,630 --> 00:18:55,636 Well, if it was a number one, 497 00:18:55,660 --> 00:18:57,960 there's a bucket behind the screen in the gymnasium. 498 00:18:58,630 --> 00:19:00,606 And if it's a number two, 499 00:19:00,630 --> 00:19:01,870 you'll want to follow the signs 500 00:19:01,930 --> 00:19:04,560 out to the little wooded area by the dual carriageway. 501 00:19:05,630 --> 00:19:07,576 And if I could ask you to return the spade 502 00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:10,506 in a condition that you would expect to find it. 503 00:19:10,530 --> 00:19:14,536 Mr. Brittas, I have your canary. 504 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:16,606 Mr. Brittas, everything went alright, did it? 505 00:19:16,630 --> 00:19:17,507 Well, he's a bit more yellow 506 00:19:17,531 --> 00:19:19,536 than I'd have liked. -No, I meant with your wife. 507 00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:20,600 Is she feeling any better? 508 00:19:20,624 --> 00:19:21,484 Unfortunately, Laura... 509 00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:23,290 You haven't seen her, have you? 510 00:19:23,530 --> 00:19:24,576 Oh, I fully intend to. 511 00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:25,576 Yes, of course. 512 00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:27,280 I should have realised that buying a canary 513 00:19:27,330 --> 00:19:29,611 was far more important than the breakup of your marriage!! 514 00:19:29,635 --> 00:19:31,735 How silly of me! -Laura! 515 00:19:32,330 --> 00:19:33,536 I'm gonna see her, Laura. 516 00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:34,507 I'm gonna see her right now. 517 00:19:34,531 --> 00:19:36,506 Mr. Brittas. -Not now, Gavin. 518 00:19:36,530 --> 00:19:37,536 Oh, what is it? 519 00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:39,506 Well, I'm sorry to disturb you, Mr. Brittas, 520 00:19:39,530 --> 00:19:41,060 but Tim wondered if you were sure about Colin. 521 00:19:41,084 --> 00:19:41,806 What about Colin? 522 00:19:41,860 --> 00:19:44,020 Well, if it was a good idea for him to go back on duty. 523 00:19:44,044 --> 00:19:44,536 Yes. 524 00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:46,560 In the swimming pool? 525 00:19:50,530 --> 00:19:51,630 Help! 526 00:19:56,630 --> 00:19:58,536 Can you check over here, Tim? 527 00:19:58,560 --> 00:19:59,537 Help! 528 00:19:59,561 --> 00:20:01,590 It's okay, I'm on to it! 529 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:06,400 Help! Help me! 530 00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:14,530 Something's stuck there, Tim, can you give us a hand? 531 00:20:18,630 --> 00:20:21,560 Okay lad, get ahold of this. 532 00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:25,606 Come on, son! 533 00:20:25,630 --> 00:20:27,530 I'll soon have you in to the side. 534 00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:32,576 Don't let go now, I'll pull you out! 535 00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:33,537 Help me! 536 00:20:33,561 --> 00:20:35,506 We've got another one, Tim! 537 00:20:35,530 --> 00:20:37,506 I'm not sure I can manage them both on my own. 538 00:20:37,530 --> 00:20:39,536 Tim! 539 00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:41,576 Colin, what the hell do you think you're doing? 540 00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:43,260 Thank heavens you're here, Mr. Brittas. 541 00:20:43,530 --> 00:20:45,536 I'm working at a slight disadvantage here, you see. 542 00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:47,536 Oh, I think you're doing quite well, Colin. 543 00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:49,506 I've only got one so far. 544 00:20:49,530 --> 00:20:50,576 Oh, no, you've got four. 545 00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:51,576 Really? 546 00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:53,536 If only I could see! 547 00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:55,576 I'd be grateful you can't. 548 00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,590 Colin, up to my office, now. 549 00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:01,636 Okay, Linda. 550 00:21:01,660 --> 00:21:04,560 Get an ambulance with oxygen resources as fast as possible. 551 00:21:05,330 --> 00:21:08,606 Julie, chair to support this lady's head, please. 552 00:21:08,630 --> 00:21:10,576 Quick, come on, this is an emergency! -Alright. 553 00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:11,600 Right, there we go. 554 00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:13,880 Patrick, we need to find out the names 555 00:21:13,904 --> 00:21:15,834 of that man's parents and get them down here. 556 00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:18,576 Sandra, that injury needs a proper compress, 557 00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:20,576 medical box left outside of the corridor. 558 00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:22,536 Linda, see if you can rustle up some hot drinks. 559 00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:24,576 Gavin, blankets and insurance forms. 560 00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:25,576 Is this a good time to talk, Gordon? 561 00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:26,507 Not exactly, my darling. 562 00:21:26,531 --> 00:21:28,576 Don't worry, Mr. Brittas, I'll take over now! 563 00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:29,636 Colin! 564 00:21:29,660 --> 00:21:30,576 Nothing appears to be broken. 565 00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:31,800 Leave that woman alone, Colin. 566 00:21:31,824 --> 00:21:33,504 I'll take care of the injury, Mr. Brittas. 567 00:21:33,528 --> 00:21:34,576 Get out of here, Colin! 568 00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:35,537 But Mr. Brittas! -Up to my office, now! 569 00:21:35,561 --> 00:21:36,590 Yes, right. 570 00:21:38,530 --> 00:21:39,536 Right, that does it. 571 00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:41,536 I want that man out of this building now. 572 00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:43,360 Patrick, attend to her, please. 573 00:21:43,576 --> 00:21:45,136 Julie... -It was only a quick one, Gordon. 574 00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:46,367 Not now, my darling. 575 00:21:46,675 --> 00:21:48,506 Julie, write out a cheque for Colin's salary plus a week 576 00:21:48,530 --> 00:21:49,576 and draft a standard thank you and goodbye letter. 577 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:50,640 You're not gonna fire him? 578 00:21:50,664 --> 00:21:52,704 Just watch where you're dripping blood, please, Tim. 579 00:21:52,728 --> 00:21:54,494 I've got the insurance forms, Mr. Brittas. 580 00:21:54,530 --> 00:21:55,576 Right. Well done, Gavin. I want you to clear Colin's locker for me. 581 00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:58,600 You'll find some protective gloves in the resources cupboard. 582 00:21:58,624 --> 00:22:00,330 Put everything in a plastic bag and put it by the door. 583 00:22:00,354 --> 00:22:01,536 But you can't do that! 584 00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:02,640 Look, you keep out of this. 585 00:22:02,664 --> 00:22:04,064 You're supposed to be injured, Tim. 586 00:22:04,088 --> 00:22:05,608 Linda, organise a taxi, for me, please. 587 00:22:05,632 --> 00:22:07,512 Gordon, it really won't take more than a moment. 588 00:22:07,576 --> 00:22:08,576 You can't fire a blind man on his birthday. 589 00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:10,530 I can do what I want, Tim. I'm the manager. 590 00:22:10,590 --> 00:22:11,990 Gordon, if you'll just, for once... 591 00:22:12,014 --> 00:22:14,004 Darling, I think I know what your problem is. 592 00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:16,800 If you take this into the restroom, put some batteries in it, 593 00:22:16,824 --> 00:22:18,904 I think you'll find it will relieve your frustration. 594 00:22:19,530 --> 00:22:20,850 Is it true you killed his canary? 595 00:22:20,874 --> 00:22:22,376 What? -How can you fire him 596 00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:23,800 on the day he's lost all his money? 597 00:22:23,824 --> 00:22:24,740 And his aunt's died. -What? 598 00:22:24,764 --> 00:22:26,606 Favourite aunt, died this morning. 599 00:22:26,630 --> 00:22:27,430 Look, for goodness' sake, 600 00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:30,606 how many times have I told you people, Colin doesn't matter. 601 00:22:30,630 --> 00:22:32,576 Oh, I'll put that in the letter, shall I? 602 00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:34,390 Look, Colin is not important. 603 00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:36,040 "Dear Colin, you are not important." 604 00:22:36,360 --> 00:22:37,800 We're running a public service here. 605 00:22:37,824 --> 00:22:39,576 Colin's not important, I'm not important, 606 00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:40,576 you're not important. 607 00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:44,336 The only person who matters in this building is that lady over there. 608 00:22:44,360 --> 00:22:45,576 Our public! 609 00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:49,606 She doesn't care if there's a blind man with a dead budgerigar and a birthday. 610 00:22:49,630 --> 00:22:51,536 All she wants, I'll tell you what she wants. 611 00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:52,576 She wants... 612 00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:53,660 I want someone to explain 613 00:22:54,360 --> 00:22:56,376 why there is six inches of sewage 614 00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:58,606 in the downstairs' changing room! 615 00:22:58,630 --> 00:23:01,576 Panic over, Mr. Brittas. They're working again. 616 00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:02,606 What? 617 00:23:02,630 --> 00:23:03,870 Toilets, all flushing normally. 618 00:23:04,430 --> 00:23:06,530 Though, goodness knows where all that stuff went. 619 00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:11,606 Well, if you're shovelling it down a toilet, Linda 620 00:23:11,630 --> 00:23:13,606 then of course you're not going to get anywhere. 621 00:23:13,630 --> 00:23:16,636 It's just going to come straight back up in the basement. 622 00:23:16,660 --> 00:23:20,506 Well, if you've run out of buckets, use some saucepans from the cafeteria, 623 00:23:20,530 --> 00:23:23,536 and then you empty it in the area under the swings, alright? 624 00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:24,560 Bye. 625 00:23:25,576 --> 00:23:26,576 Any luck? 626 00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:27,537 Yeah, he's on his way. 627 00:23:27,561 --> 00:23:28,606 About time, too. 628 00:23:28,630 --> 00:23:30,750 He's putting his rodding equipment straight in the van 629 00:23:30,774 --> 00:23:32,606 and he'll be here in 11 hours. 630 00:23:32,630 --> 00:23:34,576 11 hours? 631 00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:35,720 It's a long way from Lanark. 632 00:23:35,744 --> 00:23:37,576 On the other hand, he's never heard of you. 633 00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:39,160 Do you still want this? 634 00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:40,630 I certainly do. 635 00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:46,576 Right, Colin, no time to be nice about this, you're fired. 636 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:50,606 I'm giving you one week's money in lieu of notice, and then... 637 00:23:50,630 --> 00:23:51,537 Laura? 638 00:23:51,561 --> 00:23:53,606 I've been thinking. Mr. Brittas. 639 00:23:53,630 --> 00:23:55,576 Where's Colin? 640 00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:57,436 The reason I've always supported you... 641 00:23:57,660 --> 00:23:58,360 Laura, I don't have time... 642 00:23:58,530 --> 00:23:59,610 no matter what you've done, 643 00:23:59,634 --> 00:24:03,360 however stupid or half-baked everyone thought it was, 644 00:24:03,530 --> 00:24:06,290 I've always known that underneath it all, you meant well. 645 00:24:06,507 --> 00:24:08,987 Laura, I have an emergency. -That however many people got hurt, 646 00:24:09,011 --> 00:24:12,606 it was always because you were trying to do what you believed was best, 647 00:24:12,630 --> 00:24:15,500 particularly what you believed was best for your staff. 648 00:24:15,530 --> 00:24:17,636 Yes, you're not still going on about Colin, are you? 649 00:24:17,660 --> 00:24:18,360 I'm afraid I am. 650 00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:20,760 Colin is the least of my problems at the moment, Laura. 651 00:24:20,784 --> 00:24:23,330 You can't fire him, Mr. Brittas, not Colin. 652 00:24:23,537 --> 00:24:24,537 It's wrong. 653 00:24:24,561 --> 00:24:26,606 Laura, do you think I want to? 654 00:24:26,630 --> 00:24:28,470 Do you think it gives me some sort of pleasure? 655 00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:30,290 I don't have any choice. 656 00:24:30,530 --> 00:24:31,576 He's useless. 657 00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:34,576 You tell me one thing Colin is good at. Go on. 658 00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:36,490 Tell me one thing Colin can do. 659 00:24:36,630 --> 00:24:38,506 I'll tell you what, I'll give you a promise. 660 00:24:38,530 --> 00:24:41,576 If you can tell me one thing that Colin is good at, 661 00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:43,290 I will make him manager. 662 00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:45,800 Not only that, I'll make him Lord High Executioner of it. 663 00:24:45,824 --> 00:24:48,784 Here's your problem, Mr. Brittas. 664 00:24:49,530 --> 00:24:51,730 When I heard downstairs we were getting backed up again, 665 00:24:51,754 --> 00:24:55,606 I said to myself, "I wonder, they can't have, can they?" 666 00:24:55,630 --> 00:24:57,576 So, I opened up the gratings and sure enough, 667 00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:59,576 they'd put the R-1-7 in back to front. 668 00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:00,960 What's an R-1-7, Colin? 669 00:25:01,360 --> 00:25:04,636 It's a one way solids exclusion valve, Laura. 670 00:25:04,660 --> 00:25:06,430 It works a bit like a cat flap, you see? 671 00:25:06,630 --> 00:25:10,606 This door here is to stop waste matter going back up the floor, 672 00:25:10,630 --> 00:25:12,530 but if you put it in backwards... 673 00:25:14,300 --> 00:25:15,536 I've put the spare in. 674 00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:16,680 You mean it's working again? 675 00:25:16,704 --> 00:25:21,576 Smooth as ketchup out of a bottle, Mr. Brittas. 676 00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:23,960 And don't you worry about the mess, I'll soon clean that up. 677 00:25:23,984 --> 00:25:25,290 Oh, just a minute, Colin. 678 00:25:25,630 --> 00:25:27,670 I think Mr. Brittas may have some good news for you. 679 00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:32,576 Poor Colin, never hurt a fly. 680 00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:34,336 Not unless it ate something off his skin. 681 00:25:34,360 --> 00:25:35,697 So, we're all agreed then, are we? 682 00:25:35,721 --> 00:25:36,961 Yes. -Won't going on strike mean 683 00:25:36,985 --> 00:25:38,306 having to stay out of The Centre? 684 00:25:38,330 --> 00:25:40,506 Well, there's not much point if we all come to work, Carole. 685 00:25:40,530 --> 00:25:41,376 No, no. I know that, 686 00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:43,681 but some of us do have family commitments in the building. 687 00:25:43,881 --> 00:25:46,576 Well, I'll organise a chest of drawers on the picket line for you. 688 00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:48,560 The important thing is that we all stand together. 689 00:25:48,584 --> 00:25:50,536 I was wondering 690 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:52,320 if Mr. Brittas doesn't actually have a point. 691 00:25:52,536 --> 00:25:54,336 Well, I mean, from a management point of view, 692 00:25:54,360 --> 00:25:56,040 Colin is a bit... -Look, if we let him sack 693 00:25:56,064 --> 00:25:57,390 someone for not doing his job, 694 00:25:57,537 --> 00:25:58,537 then none of us is safe. 695 00:25:58,561 --> 00:25:59,561 Well, I'm not. 696 00:25:59,630 --> 00:26:02,306 Right, as union representative, 697 00:26:02,330 --> 00:26:05,576 I'll tell Brittas that no one here does any work until Colin... 698 00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:07,506 I want six volunteers for the basement. 699 00:26:07,530 --> 00:26:08,407 Colin! 700 00:26:08,431 --> 00:26:10,560 Thank you, Tim, just five more. 701 00:26:11,530 --> 00:26:12,636 I thought you'd been fired. 702 00:26:12,660 --> 00:26:13,507 Fired? 703 00:26:13,531 --> 00:26:15,491 Yes, isn't that why Mr. Brittas wanted to see you? 704 00:26:15,560 --> 00:26:17,480 We heard he was looking for a new deputy manager. 705 00:26:17,504 --> 00:26:19,536 Well, I suppose he is, now that I've been promoted. 706 00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:20,537 Promoted? 707 00:26:20,561 --> 00:26:23,536 To manager in charge of building fabric, 708 00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:26,606 with a new uniform, a 2.5% pay rise, 709 00:26:26,630 --> 00:26:29,390 and my own office in the basement, when I've dug it out. 710 00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:33,536 Colin. -Are you sure you're up to it? 711 00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:35,576 I'm grand, thank you, Carole. 712 00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:38,306 Do you know, this could have been such a bad day, 713 00:26:38,330 --> 00:26:43,536 but in that special way of his, Mr. Brittas made everything right. 714 00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:44,590 Hey, just a minute. 715 00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:50,630 I can see! 716 00:26:58,400 --> 00:26:59,660 Helen! 717 00:27:01,630 --> 00:27:03,576 I was supposed to be seeing you, wasn't I? 718 00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:04,576 Never mind. 719 00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:06,376 I'm sorry, my darling. 720 00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:08,290 Got caught up in a couple of things, and then... 721 00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:09,576 I just heard about Colin. 722 00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:10,600 Colin? 723 00:27:10,630 --> 00:27:11,576 I've never seen anyone look so happy. 724 00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:14,606 I'm so glad you decided not to fire him. 725 00:27:14,630 --> 00:27:17,336 Well, Colin's not a bad man, my darling. 726 00:27:17,360 --> 00:27:19,536 The trick with Colin was to help him find his niche. 727 00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:22,606 I knew if I could do that, it'd be better for him, 728 00:27:22,630 --> 00:27:24,606 better for me, better for everyone. 729 00:27:24,630 --> 00:27:26,536 Yes, I suppose so. 730 00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:28,560 Yes, I think he'll be alright, now. 731 00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:31,240 A complete disaster as a swimming pool manager, 732 00:27:31,264 --> 00:27:33,576 but the man does have a good feel for toilets. 733 00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:35,390 Ooh, that's nice. 734 00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:37,536 Laura tells me you don't want to go to Brussels. 735 00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:38,507 That's what I've been trying to tell you, 736 00:27:38,531 --> 00:27:40,336 you see, I think... 737 00:27:40,360 --> 00:27:42,336 My darling, if you don't want to go to Brussels, 738 00:27:42,360 --> 00:27:43,390 we won't go. 739 00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:45,576 You mean much more to me than any job. 740 00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:47,430 You do know that, don't you? 741 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:49,800 No, no. I think a change could be a good idea. 742 00:27:49,824 --> 00:27:53,384 You know, better for you, better for me, better for everyone. 743 00:27:53,530 --> 00:27:55,336 Yes. 744 00:27:55,360 --> 00:27:56,536 What's all this, then? 745 00:27:56,560 --> 00:27:58,506 This happens to be a rather important survey 746 00:27:58,530 --> 00:28:01,390 Carole's been doing about the cafeteria. 747 00:28:01,537 --> 00:28:02,537 Ooh. 748 00:28:02,561 --> 00:28:04,481 Who would've thought that what people really want 749 00:28:04,505 --> 00:28:07,576 are more high chairs, a proper child menu, and an area for breastfeeding? 750 00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:08,630 Really? 751 00:28:09,360 --> 00:28:11,536 2% of papers unfortunately spoiled. 752 00:28:11,560 --> 00:28:14,306 We normally get that sort of thing. 753 00:28:14,330 --> 00:28:16,536 The big question is what do we do next? 754 00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:17,990 I have an idea. -Yeah? 755 00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:20,606 Has Julie gone home yet? 756 00:28:20,630 --> 00:28:23,576 Yes, I suppose if we get some free-standing screens from the lecture hall, 757 00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:26,576 we can cordon off a mother and child area. 758 00:28:26,600 --> 00:28:29,560 Helen? -We're going to do my idea first, Gordon 56576

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