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1
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Come on. Come on!
2
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Sir? Sir? Good morning sir.
3
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Welcome to the Whitbury
New Town Leisure Centre.
4
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How may I help you?
5
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I was just checking
when the pool was open.
6
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9:20 to 12:50, 1:15 to 7:45, sir.
7
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That's alright, thank you.
8
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Yes, just one moment.
9
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Can I ask you a question before you go?
10
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Yes.
11
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I wonder, were you planning to use
our cafeteria during your visit today?
12
00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:51,606
Well, no, I only called in to check...
13
00:00:51,630 --> 00:00:53,376
Ah, is there any
particular reason why not?
14
00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:54,576
No, as I said...
15
00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:56,640
Now, would you be more
prepared to use our cafeteria
16
00:00:56,664 --> 00:00:58,390
if we provided vegetarian food?
-No.
17
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,576
If we displayed calorie
counts by each dish?
18
00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:04,590
No, look, it's not...
-Baked our own bread on the premises?
19
00:01:05,330 --> 00:01:06,576
There's no point asking me.
20
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,536
I only called in to
check pool times, okay?
21
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Disposable cutlery?
22
00:01:11,537 --> 00:01:12,537
Oh, please, please.
23
00:01:12,561 --> 00:01:15,576
It will be so helpful if you could just...
24
00:01:15,600 --> 00:01:16,537
Have a nice day.
25
00:01:16,561 --> 00:01:18,376
How's it going, Carole?
26
00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:19,536
Oh, Mr. Brittas.
-You haven't forgotten
27
00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:21,320
I want those questionnaires
by four o' clock?
28
00:01:21,344 --> 00:01:23,576
Oh, Mr. Brittas, would
it matter, dreadfully,
29
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if you didn't have quite all of them?
30
00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:27,536
I need all 100, Carole.
31
00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:31,536
I cannot make meaningful deductions from
a statistical sample any smaller than that.
32
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Gavin.
33
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No, of course not.
34
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Basement toilet's backing up again.
35
00:01:35,630 --> 00:01:36,607
Oh, morning, Tim.
36
00:01:36,631 --> 00:01:38,536
Patrick's closed down the lid,
and tried to seal it down with sellotape,
37
00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:40,606
but there's definitely something
wrong with those drains.
38
00:01:40,630 --> 00:01:41,576
I'll call the man. Tim?
39
00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:42,507
Yes?
-Tim, have you finished
40
00:01:42,531 --> 00:01:43,971
filling in your questionnaires, yet?
41
00:01:43,995 --> 00:01:45,576
I've just handed them to Laura. Why?
42
00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:47,920
You didn't have any trouble
getting people to fill them in?
43
00:01:47,944 --> 00:01:49,590
Oh, absolutely none at all.
44
00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:52,657
The thing you had to bear in mind
was that Mr. Brittas needed those forms
45
00:01:52,681 --> 00:01:54,081
and I had to make sure he got them.
46
00:01:54,105 --> 00:01:55,837
I found that sort of carried me through.
47
00:01:55,861 --> 00:01:56,861
I see.
48
00:01:58,600 --> 00:01:59,600
So, what do you think?
49
00:02:00,530 --> 00:02:02,930
Well, does this mean you'll
be going away again, Mr. Brittas?
50
00:02:02,954 --> 00:02:04,536
No, I'm not going anywhere, Gavin.
51
00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:05,576
Oh, yes. Yes, of course.
52
00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:06,930
But someone else might be.
53
00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:09,506
Right.
54
00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:10,576
Someone who, one day,
55
00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:12,576
may be interested in becoming a manager,
56
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:16,536
or a deputy manager, him or herself?
57
00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:17,560
Right.
58
00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:20,990
Oh, you don't mean?
59
00:02:21,330 --> 00:02:22,390
Oh, right!
60
00:02:22,630 --> 00:02:24,676
Naaaah.
61
00:02:24,700 --> 00:02:26,506
I've been watching you, Gavin Featherly.
62
00:02:26,530 --> 00:02:28,576
There aren't many people on this staff
63
00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:31,576
who have what I call LMP.
64
00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:32,990
Leisure management potential.
65
00:02:33,530 --> 00:02:36,536
But you have the attitude
and maybe even the calling.
66
00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:37,537
Oh, goodness.
67
00:02:37,561 --> 00:02:39,606
Let me know what you
think at lunchtime, eh?
68
00:02:39,630 --> 00:02:40,576
Yeah, Mr. Brittas?
69
00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:43,536
I wondered do we really have
room for another manager?
70
00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:45,536
I mean, we already have two managers.
71
00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:47,376
Well, three, if you count yourself.
72
00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:50,536
I can't be too specific at
this juncture in time, Gavin.
73
00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:53,990
Let's just say there's a possibility
that a vacancy for deputy manager
74
00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:56,576
may be coming up in
the foreseeable future.
75
00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:57,537
You mean someone's leaving?
76
00:02:57,561 --> 00:03:00,576
That, I'm not at liberty to discuss, Gavin.
77
00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:04,536
Gotta be rather discreet at this point.
78
00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:06,660
Tell Colin to come to my
office, please, Carole.
79
00:03:09,530 --> 00:03:11,506
I've got Tim's questionnaires
on the pool for you.
80
00:03:11,530 --> 00:03:13,606
Thank you, Laura.
81
00:03:13,630 --> 00:03:16,590
The main thing the public seem to want
is higher pay for pool staff.
82
00:03:17,300 --> 00:03:18,576
Really?
83
00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:19,537
Yes, according to these,
84
00:03:19,561 --> 00:03:22,506
they'd be quite happy to pay
twice as much for the ticket,
85
00:03:22,530 --> 00:03:25,606
if they knew the money was going
straight into the hands of the lifeguards.
86
00:03:25,630 --> 00:03:28,536
Now, that does surprise me.
87
00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:31,321
You're planning to use this sort
of information, are you, Mr. Brittas?
88
00:03:31,345 --> 00:03:33,606
This is going to be the
basis for a complete overhaul
89
00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,636
of our administrative structure, Laura.
90
00:03:35,660 --> 00:03:37,576
If I'm to go to Brussels,
91
00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:40,536
I want this place to be as
sharp and effective as possible.
92
00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:41,407
Oh, good.
93
00:03:41,431 --> 00:03:44,636
Though, there is one simple change
that I think we all know
94
00:03:44,660 --> 00:03:46,606
would do a lot more than anything else.
95
00:03:46,630 --> 00:03:47,576
What's that?
96
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:49,506
Hasn't it ever occurred to you, Laura,
97
00:03:49,530 --> 00:03:51,506
that most of the upsets in this Centre
98
00:03:51,530 --> 00:03:53,576
are caused by one person?
99
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:54,600
Well...
100
00:03:55,530 --> 00:03:58,606
One member of the team,
Laura, who means well
101
00:03:58,630 --> 00:04:00,636
but is consistently the dead pigeon
102
00:04:00,660 --> 00:04:03,576
in the jet turbines of management?
103
00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:04,390
Well...
104
00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:07,640
And have you ever tried to imagine
what this place would be like without him?
105
00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:08,664
I have, sometimes.
106
00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:10,560
He has to go, Laura.
107
00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:13,636
I cannot justify having
a swimming pool manager
108
00:04:13,660 --> 00:04:16,660
with a skin condition which
means he can't go in water.
109
00:04:17,330 --> 00:04:18,570
Oh, you're talking about Colin.
110
00:04:18,594 --> 00:04:20,576
Of course I'm talking about Colin.
111
00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:22,306
You're not gonna fire him?
112
00:04:22,330 --> 00:04:25,536
That man is dead weight, Laura.
113
00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:27,560
Well, you must do what you
think best, Mr. Brittas,
114
00:04:27,584 --> 00:04:29,744
but I'm telling you now,
you're not gonna find it easy.
115
00:04:29,768 --> 00:04:31,576
Not today.
116
00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:32,576
So sorry I'm late, Mr. Brittas.
117
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Colin?
118
00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:38,376
Just to let you, I've got your message,
119
00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:41,576
and I'll be with you as soon as I've
made a rather urgent trip to the toilet.
120
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,536
Uh, Colin, what's happened to your eyes?
121
00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:46,990
Ah, yes. I'm afraid I've
been blinded, Mr. Brittas.
122
00:04:47,500 --> 00:04:51,606
Still, we mustn't dwell
on my little problems.
123
00:04:51,630 --> 00:04:52,576
I'll be as quick as I can.
124
00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:53,407
Do you want a hand, Colin?
125
00:04:53,431 --> 00:04:54,576
I beg your pardon?
126
00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:56,606
Oh, I see what you mean.
127
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:57,390
No, thank you, Laura.
128
00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:59,560
I should be able to find it on my own.
129
00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:01,560
What happened to him?
130
00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:02,990
His garden blew up.
131
00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:07,576
You know his organic vegetable bed?
132
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:11,576
Turns out it was built on 70 feet of
toxic waste, dating back to the '50s.
133
00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:14,606
Nobody realised quite how
much gas was building up
134
00:05:14,630 --> 00:05:15,537
until yesterday evening,
135
00:05:15,561 --> 00:05:18,630
he went to light
his charcoal pit, and...
136
00:05:19,530 --> 00:05:22,606
The hospital wanted to keep him,
but he insisted on coming in.
137
00:05:22,630 --> 00:05:23,537
Why?
138
00:05:23,561 --> 00:05:25,536
He didn't want to let you down.
139
00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:29,606
He said you've always taught him to
put duty before minor personal discomfort.
140
00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:32,930
I get your message, Laura,
but I'm afraid it doesn't change anything.
141
00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:34,560
He's been blinded, Mr. Brittas!
142
00:05:35,530 --> 00:05:37,990
Which means he's now medically
incapable of doing his job
143
00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:39,506
as well as incompetent.
144
00:05:39,530 --> 00:05:42,590
I'm sorry, when he comes back
here, I'm gonna fire him.
145
00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:58,390
I shouldn't do that if I were you, Colin.
146
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:02,590
Laura! What are you doing in here?
147
00:06:03,330 --> 00:06:05,506
This happens to be my office, Colin.
148
00:06:05,530 --> 00:06:08,576
Don't tell me I've taken a wrong turn.
149
00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:10,630
Colin, come here, I want to talk to you.
150
00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:15,506
Colin, stop right there.
Stay right where you are.
151
00:06:15,530 --> 00:06:17,606
Give me this, there we go.
152
00:06:17,630 --> 00:06:20,536
Take him to the seat, please, Laura.
153
00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:23,606
My trophies.
154
00:06:23,630 --> 00:06:25,576
I don't think you'll need me for this bit.
155
00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:27,336
Oh, I don't know if Colin mentioned it,
156
00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:28,536
but the eye surgeon said
157
00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:31,536
there was every chance
he may regain his sight
158
00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:34,536
if he avoids all excitement
and sudden shocks.
159
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:36,536
You'll bear that in mind, won't you?
160
00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:37,680
Don't worry about me, Laura.
161
00:06:37,704 --> 00:06:39,704
When you've had something
like your garden explode,
162
00:06:39,728 --> 00:06:41,654
what's left to shock you, eh?
163
00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:46,536
Now, Colin, I've been
reviewing your job situation.
164
00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:49,336
I never cease to be grateful
for it, Mr. Brittas.
165
00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:50,760
Colin.
-The thing about having a job
166
00:06:50,784 --> 00:06:52,576
is it gives you a sense of purpose.
167
00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:54,606
Yes, well. -And if there's one
thing I've learnt from you, Mr. Brittas,
168
00:06:54,630 --> 00:06:56,536
is that if you don't
have a purpose in life,
169
00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:59,930
you may as well give up the ghost,
and throw yourself on the scrapheap.
170
00:07:00,330 --> 00:07:02,010
Colin, would you allow
me to speak, please?
171
00:07:02,034 --> 00:07:03,034
Sorry, Mr. Brittas.
172
00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:06,360
Right. Now, I have something to say to you
173
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:09,576
and you're not
making it easy for me.
174
00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:10,630
Brittas.
175
00:07:11,530 --> 00:07:13,476
Yes. Yes, he is, Carole.
176
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:14,536
Right.
177
00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:16,530
Alright, Carole, bye.
178
00:07:17,537 --> 00:07:18,537
Colin.
179
00:07:18,561 --> 00:07:20,576
Yes?
180
00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:24,476
Colin -- I have to go
downstairs for a minute.
181
00:07:24,500 --> 00:07:25,990
Just wait here, will you?
182
00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:28,530
Thank you very much, Mr. Brittas.
183
00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:33,360
I've told you, you can
have it back, Mr. Furnival,
184
00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:35,800
just as soon as you finish
filling in this questionnaire.
185
00:07:35,824 --> 00:07:36,906
Thank you very much.
186
00:07:38,630 --> 00:07:41,606
Whitbury New Town Leisure
Centre. How can I help you?
187
00:07:41,630 --> 00:07:43,630
Oh, Mrs. Brittas, you want
to speak to Mr. Brittas?
188
00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:45,630
Yes, I can take a message.
189
00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:50,406
You want a divorce.
190
00:07:50,430 --> 00:07:51,606
Anything else?
191
00:07:51,630 --> 00:07:54,390
Yes, I'll see that he gets it.
-Carole, Carole.
192
00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:55,576
Helen? Helen, it's me.
193
00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,536
Are you alright?
194
00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:01,606
Of course I don't mind.
I'd love to talk about it.
195
00:08:01,630 --> 00:08:03,390
How soon can you get in?
196
00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:06,600
Oh, Helen.
197
00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:10,336
Have you got Mrs. Brittas's box?
198
00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:11,630
Yes, of course.
199
00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:13,606
Come on,
200
00:08:13,630 --> 00:08:15,476
tell me all about it.
201
00:08:15,500 --> 00:08:16,576
Right, Carole, what is it?
202
00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:17,606
Ah, Mr. Brittas.
203
00:08:17,630 --> 00:08:18,870
You've had some news for Colin.
204
00:08:18,894 --> 00:08:20,606
Yes, it's about his aunt, it's very sad.
205
00:08:20,630 --> 00:08:21,630
You see...
206
00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:23,576
Linda!
207
00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:24,576
I'm sorry, Mr. Brittas.
208
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:28,606
There's all this stuff
coming out of the lavatory.
209
00:08:28,630 --> 00:08:32,306
I tried flushing it but more
of it pours out onto the floor.
210
00:08:32,330 --> 00:08:33,576
You must know the routine
211
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,990
for a backed up toilet by now, Linda.
-Yes, but...
212
00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:38,710
You block the bowl,
put an Out Of Order notice on the door,
213
00:08:38,734 --> 00:08:40,734
and get Carole to call
some drainage engineers.
214
00:08:41,325 --> 00:08:43,606
Well, as matter of fact,
Mr. Brittas, I did try earlier...
215
00:08:43,630 --> 00:08:45,336
I don't want to hear about trying, Carole.
216
00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:47,990
I want a trained operative
here and on the job, alright?
217
00:08:48,300 --> 00:08:49,780
Now, what is this about Colin's aunt?
218
00:08:49,804 --> 00:08:50,606
Oh, she died.
219
00:08:50,630 --> 00:08:51,360
Died?
220
00:08:51,530 --> 00:08:53,630
Yes, I'm afraid Colin's
going to be terribly upset.
221
00:08:54,330 --> 00:08:56,968
This is the aunt who brought
him up as a boy, you see
222
00:08:56,992 --> 00:08:59,606
after his parents passed
away in the combine harvester.
223
00:08:59,630 --> 00:09:00,607
Yes.
224
00:09:00,631 --> 00:09:04,576
The nursing home wanted to know
if you wouldn't mind breaking the news.
225
00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:05,576
Right, I'd better do that, Carole.
226
00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:06,330
Yes, Mr. Brittas.
227
00:09:06,530 --> 00:09:09,576
I don't want to go to Brussels, Laura.
228
00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:10,606
Oh.
229
00:09:10,630 --> 00:09:12,710
It's bad enough when things
go wrong in this country,
230
00:09:12,734 --> 00:09:15,504
but when you can't even
speak the language.
231
00:09:15,530 --> 00:09:16,507
Yes.
232
00:09:16,531 --> 00:09:19,660
l mean, how do I tell a doctor I need
stronger pills in Flemish?
233
00:09:20,590 --> 00:09:22,070
You think he might get the job, then?
234
00:09:22,094 --> 00:09:24,536
Oh, he sailed through the
first four interviews.
235
00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:27,576
Everyone thinks 'cause of
his medals, he's a hero.
236
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:32,606
And you saw Jeremy Paxman
fawning all over him on "Newsnight".
237
00:09:32,630 --> 00:09:34,576
I hadn't realised things
were going so well.
238
00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:37,606
Oh, I've tried everything to
stop it. And three weeks ago,
239
00:09:37,630 --> 00:09:40,560
I even decided to stop
letting him, you know...
240
00:09:41,530 --> 00:09:43,506
To show him how upset I was.
241
00:09:43,530 --> 00:09:44,536
How's that working?
242
00:09:44,560 --> 00:09:45,507
Oh, it's been hell.
243
00:09:45,531 --> 00:09:47,960
I've never felt so...
244
00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:50,960
You meant with Gordon, didn't you?
245
00:09:50,984 --> 00:09:51,537
Yeah.
246
00:09:51,561 --> 00:09:53,630
I don't think he's actually noticed, yet.
247
00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:57,636
You have told him, have you?
248
00:09:57,660 --> 00:09:58,576
How do you mean?
249
00:09:58,600 --> 00:09:59,576
That you don't want to go to Brussels?
250
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:00,537
You have actually told him?
251
00:10:00,561 --> 00:10:02,960
Do you think that would help?
252
00:10:03,660 --> 00:10:05,536
I think it might.
253
00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:06,576
Look, if you like,
254
00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:08,280
I can have a word...
-Oh, would you, Laura?
255
00:10:08,330 --> 00:10:10,576
A divorce would sound so
much better coming from you.
256
00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:12,506
No, Helen, I meant that I could say
257
00:10:12,530 --> 00:10:14,606
that you wanted to have a talk.
258
00:10:14,630 --> 00:10:15,630
Oh.
259
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:19,576
Oh, I see.
Well, give me five minutes, then.
260
00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:20,537
Is that you, Mr. Brittas?
261
00:10:20,561 --> 00:10:21,576
Yes, Colin.
262
00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:23,576
Julie very kindly made some coffee.
263
00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:24,606
Can I pour you one?
264
00:10:24,630 --> 00:10:25,630
Thank you.
265
00:10:28,660 --> 00:10:31,630
It's one sugar, isn't it, Mr. Brittas?
266
00:10:33,030 --> 00:10:34,630
Colin.
267
00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:41,536
Oh, my word!
268
00:10:41,560 --> 00:10:43,360
That sets you up.
269
00:10:44,330 --> 00:10:46,606
Colin, Carole's just given
me some news for you.
270
00:10:46,630 --> 00:10:48,536
I haven't won the pools, have I?
271
00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:51,290
No, it's about your aunt,
Mrs. Witherspoon.
272
00:10:51,530 --> 00:10:53,606
That's Miss, actually, Mr. Brittas.
273
00:10:53,630 --> 00:10:54,360
She never married.
274
00:10:54,630 --> 00:10:56,576
I'm the nearest thing she has to a son.
275
00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:57,576
Colin...
276
00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:59,420
Oh, it's not the hiccups again, is it?
-What!?
277
00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:01,536
Only, the last time
they lasted a fortnight.
278
00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:02,930
What that woman suffered.
279
00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:05,536
Colin, would you just shut
up and let me speak, please?
280
00:11:05,560 --> 00:11:07,576
I'm sorry, Mr. Brittas.
281
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,606
Colin, the news is
rather serious, I'm afraid.
282
00:11:10,630 --> 00:11:12,590
More serious than hiccups?
283
00:11:13,330 --> 00:11:17,360
I'm afraid it falls to
me to have to inform you...
284
00:11:17,530 --> 00:11:19,536
She's died, hasn't she?
285
00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:20,507
Well, yes, she has.
286
00:11:20,531 --> 00:11:22,536
That's typical of you, Mr. Brittas.
287
00:11:22,560 --> 00:11:23,537
What?
288
00:11:23,561 --> 00:11:25,606
Here you are, trying to spare my feelings
289
00:11:25,630 --> 00:11:27,536
and all I can do is chatter away.
290
00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:30,506
I am very sorry, Colin.
-It's alright.
291
00:11:30,530 --> 00:11:33,590
She was 93, you can't expect...
292
00:11:34,530 --> 00:11:36,536
Would you have a tissue, please?
293
00:11:36,560 --> 00:11:37,560
There you go.
294
00:11:39,590 --> 00:11:40,790
What have I done, Mr. Brittas?
295
00:11:40,814 --> 00:11:42,134
It's alright, Colin, I'll get it.
296
00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:44,360
Oi, you, come back!
-What? What is it?
297
00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:46,536
That bird of yours is
flying around my office.
298
00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:47,640
Shut the door, Mr. Brittas!
299
00:11:47,664 --> 00:11:49,576
If it gets out, we'll never get it back.
300
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:51,590
Shut the door!
301
00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:55,630
It didn't make it into
the passage, did it?
302
00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:00,576
No, it didn't make it
into the passage, Colin.
303
00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:03,330
I'm sorry to make such
a fuss, Mr. Brittas.
304
00:12:03,560 --> 00:12:04,960
It's just with Auntie dying,
305
00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:07,560
Jeremy's the last person I've got left.
306
00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:11,506
Come on.
Come to Daddy, son.
307
00:12:11,530 --> 00:12:13,536
It's alright, Colin, I've got it.
308
00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:16,590
Thank heavens for that.
309
00:12:18,536 --> 00:12:19,576
I'll tell you what, Colin.
310
00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:21,590
I'll take it downstairs.
311
00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:24,630
I think what it needs,
now is a drink of water.
312
00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:29,636
And you've no
idea who did this to you?
313
00:12:29,660 --> 00:12:30,607
Nope.
314
00:12:30,631 --> 00:12:33,676
Well, I'll go and call a locksmith.
315
00:12:33,700 --> 00:12:35,536
In the meantime, I wonder,
316
00:12:35,560 --> 00:12:37,406
would you fill in a questionnaire
about our cafeteria?
317
00:12:37,430 --> 00:12:38,430
Thank you very much!
318
00:12:38,630 --> 00:12:40,606
Gotta pop out for five minutes, Carole.
319
00:12:40,630 --> 00:12:41,710
If anyone needs me, mobile.
320
00:12:41,734 --> 00:12:42,680
Yes, Mr. Brittas.
-Mr. Brittas! Mr. Brittas!
321
00:12:42,704 --> 00:12:43,576
Not now, Laura.
322
00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:45,636
Your wife wants to talk
to you very urgently.
323
00:12:45,660 --> 00:12:46,576
Well, tell her to wait, will you?
324
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:48,640
I'm got to pop down to the
pet shop to buy a canary.
325
00:12:48,664 --> 00:12:50,506
She is very upset.
326
00:12:50,530 --> 00:12:53,336
Upset?
-Yes.
327
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:55,720
Have you noticed anything odd
about her behaviour, recently?
328
00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:57,606
Well, she has been tense.
329
00:12:57,630 --> 00:12:59,606
Anyone who starts picking
off strips of wallpaper
330
00:12:59,630 --> 00:13:03,636
at three in the morning
is obviously frustrated about something.
331
00:13:03,660 --> 00:13:06,230
But I am dealing with it, Laura.
-Dealing with it?
332
00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:08,390
I bought her a present.
333
00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:17,576
It's a mini keyboard.
334
00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:19,536
It's actually a Casio Club, Laura.
335
00:13:19,560 --> 00:13:21,606
I thought if she had an outside interest...
336
00:13:21,630 --> 00:13:22,607
Mr. Brittas,
337
00:13:22,631 --> 00:13:24,470
I think the main cause
of the problem is that
338
00:13:24,494 --> 00:13:26,094
your wife doesn't
want to go to Brussels.
339
00:13:26,118 --> 00:13:27,518
Really?
340
00:13:27,630 --> 00:13:29,376
And I think you should
talk to her about it.
341
00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:30,640
I will.
-She's in the staffroom.
342
00:13:30,664 --> 00:13:34,506
I will, Laura, just as soon as I've found
someone to buy this bird for... Tim?
343
00:13:34,530 --> 00:13:35,576
Yes, Mr. Brittas?
344
00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:36,606
I want you to do something for me, please.
345
00:13:36,630 --> 00:13:38,576
It's past the first
floor now, Mr. Brittas.
346
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:39,537
What?
-The toilets!
347
00:13:39,561 --> 00:13:41,721
I bunged up the ones on the
ground floor like you said.
348
00:13:41,745 --> 00:13:43,576
But now it's coming through upstairs.
349
00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:45,640
I thought Carole was calling
the drainage engineers.
350
00:13:45,664 --> 00:13:47,606
I did, Mr. Brittas, but they won't come.
351
00:13:47,630 --> 00:13:49,536
Something about a letter you
sent to Customs and Excise.
352
00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:50,760
But there must be some others.
353
00:13:50,784 --> 00:13:52,264
What about the ones we had last week?
354
00:13:52,330 --> 00:13:53,506
If you mean the people on Tuesday,
355
00:13:53,530 --> 00:13:54,576
you sent them home because they had
356
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,576
the Union Jack upside
down on their overalls.
357
00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:57,507
I've tried lots of others,
358
00:13:57,531 --> 00:14:00,536
but we seem to be on some sort of list.
359
00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:01,536
Do you still want me or can I go away?
360
00:14:01,560 --> 00:14:05,536
Yes, I still want you to go down to town
and buy another one of these, please.
361
00:14:05,560 --> 00:14:06,576
It's Jeremy.
362
00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:07,576
What?
363
00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:08,536
It's Colin's canary.
364
00:14:08,560 --> 00:14:09,600
What have you done to him?
365
00:14:09,624 --> 00:14:11,306
I haven't done anything, Gavin.
366
00:14:11,330 --> 00:14:12,536
It got trapped in a door.
367
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:13,537
You've killed him.
368
00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:15,506
Just do as your told, please, Timothy.
369
00:14:15,530 --> 00:14:17,506
As near like this one as you can, please.
370
00:14:17,530 --> 00:14:19,730
You mean with a crushed
thorax and blood all over its...
371
00:14:19,754 --> 00:14:21,714
Just do as you're told.
372
00:14:26,507 --> 00:14:27,507
Right, as I see it,
373
00:14:27,531 --> 00:14:30,536
we have one flushing closet
on the top floor here
374
00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:32,630
with no knowing how long
it's gonna hold out.
375
00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:34,536
This is what will happen.
376
00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:35,576
He won't be long, Helen.
377
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:38,536
Attention all staff. Attention all staff.
378
00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:42,576
We are moving to Emergency
Toilet Procedure Green.
379
00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:46,530
I repeat, we are moving to ETP Green.
380
00:14:47,630 --> 00:14:49,870
This is what it's going to be
like in Brussels, isn't it?
381
00:14:49,894 --> 00:14:52,924
Only out there, we won't have
any understanding ambulance men.
382
00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:54,606
It might not be.
383
00:14:54,630 --> 00:14:55,606
How do you mean?
384
00:14:55,630 --> 00:14:56,537
Has he told you anything about the job?
385
00:14:56,561 --> 00:14:58,360
Oh, he never stops.
386
00:14:58,536 --> 00:14:59,536
No, only, I just thought,
387
00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:00,960
it's mostly making rules, isn't it?
388
00:15:00,984 --> 00:15:04,606
Preparing reports, setting
up initiatives, theory?
389
00:15:04,630 --> 00:15:05,537
So?
390
00:15:05,561 --> 00:15:06,576
Well, he does that sort
of thing rather well.
391
00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:07,576
Look, Helen.
392
00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:08,576
Most of the trouble here
393
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:10,506
is because he has to deal with people
394
00:15:10,530 --> 00:15:11,570
and he's dreadful at that.
395
00:15:11,594 --> 00:15:14,623
But working in Brussels has
got nothing to do with people.
396
00:15:15,530 --> 00:15:16,970
I think he may have found his niche.
397
00:15:16,994 --> 00:15:17,576
His what?
398
00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:19,390
Put him in the right place, Helen,
399
00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:21,536
make him a square peg in a square hole,
400
00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:23,576
he could be a different person.
401
00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:24,636
Do you really think so?
402
00:15:24,660 --> 00:15:26,576
It could be better for
you, better for him,
403
00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:28,536
better for everyone.
404
00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:29,507
Brussels.
405
00:15:29,531 --> 00:15:32,990
It's quite close to Amsterdam, isn't it?
-Quite.
406
00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:37,360
I always thought they had very
sensible laws about drugs and things.
407
00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:40,576
Get onto Talking Pages, Julie.
408
00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:43,576
There must be someone in this country
prepared to rod a drain.
409
00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:44,576
What are you going to do about Colin?
410
00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:45,636
What?
411
00:15:45,660 --> 00:15:46,337
He's still waiting.
412
00:15:46,361 --> 00:15:47,506
Colin.
413
00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:50,506
I'll give him five minutes,
get his cards ready, will you?
414
00:15:50,530 --> 00:15:52,560
Now, where's that pamphlet
I wrote on unemployment?
415
00:15:53,290 --> 00:15:55,606
It's here.
416
00:15:55,630 --> 00:15:56,630
Right.
417
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:02,306
Sorry to have kept you waiting, Colin.
418
00:16:02,330 --> 00:16:04,660
Don't you worry about me, Mr. Brittas.
419
00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:07,576
Now, you probably know
what I want to say to you.
420
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:10,330
I have a sneaking suspicion, yes.
421
00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:13,636
Well, that makes it easier
for both of us, doesn't it?
422
00:16:13,660 --> 00:16:16,536
Let me start by giving you this.
423
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:18,536
Thank you, Mr. Brittas.
424
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:21,576
Now, Colin, you've been
here for five years...
425
00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:23,636
And you still remember our birthdays.
426
00:16:23,660 --> 00:16:24,660
What?
427
00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:27,880
I only wish I could see the card.
428
00:16:27,904 --> 00:16:29,430
Has everybody signed it?
429
00:16:29,607 --> 00:16:30,607
Colin.
430
00:16:30,631 --> 00:16:32,606
I wonder if I could ask
a favour, Mr. Brittas.
431
00:16:32,630 --> 00:16:35,606
Only yours isn't the only
card I had this morning.
432
00:16:35,630 --> 00:16:38,451
I wonder, have you time
to tell me who they're from?
433
00:16:38,475 --> 00:16:39,630
Yes, of course. Colin
434
00:16:40,530 --> 00:16:44,536
Right, well, this one is
from Pauline, the milkman.
435
00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:46,536
How very thoughtful.
436
00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:49,636
This one's from the "Young Telegraph".
437
00:16:49,660 --> 00:16:51,590
'Happy Birthday, Colin."
-Clobber.
438
00:16:54,630 --> 00:16:56,606
And this one says, "Dear Colin.
439
00:16:56,630 --> 00:16:59,606
I'm so sorry, it's all gone.
440
00:16:59,630 --> 00:17:02,606
There's nothing left, I'm
so sorry, so terribly sorry.
441
00:17:02,630 --> 00:17:03,576
Signed, G. Adams."
442
00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:04,606
Who's G. Adams?
443
00:17:04,630 --> 00:17:06,590
That's my accountant, Mr. Brittas.
444
00:17:07,476 --> 00:17:08,476
Your accountant?
445
00:17:08,500 --> 00:17:09,560
What's he doing in Rio?
446
00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:10,630
Rio?
447
00:17:11,536 --> 00:17:12,576
I've no idea, Mr. Brittas.
448
00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:15,590
I was under the impression
he was still living in Wellington Road.
449
00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:18,536
I hope this man hasn't got
any of your money, Colin.
450
00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:20,576
Everything, Mr. Brittas.
451
00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:24,506
Life savings, insurance
policies, pension plan.
452
00:17:24,530 --> 00:17:25,330
I see.
453
00:17:25,530 --> 00:17:26,576
It's alright, Mr. Brittas.
454
00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:28,606
These things happen.
455
00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:29,710
Where are you going, Colin?
456
00:17:29,734 --> 00:17:31,606
I think, if you don't mind,
457
00:17:31,630 --> 00:17:33,576
I'd like to get back to work.
458
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:35,400
Colin, I...
-As you so often say, Mr. Brittas.
459
00:17:35,424 --> 00:17:37,536
"Work is the great healer."
460
00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:39,576
Thank goodness I've still got that, eh?
461
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,536
There wasn't anything else was there?
462
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:42,990
Colin...
463
00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:46,530
You just get back to work, Colin.
464
00:17:49,660 --> 00:17:52,606
I have called our engineers, sir.
465
00:17:52,630 --> 00:17:54,506
In the meantime, I wonder,
466
00:17:54,530 --> 00:17:56,590
would you mind filling in
one of these, thank you.
467
00:17:58,530 --> 00:17:59,536
What's going on?
468
00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:02,321
It's the only way I can get anyone
to fill in one of these forms, Tim.
469
00:18:02,345 --> 00:18:03,606
Oh, Carole.
470
00:18:03,630 --> 00:18:05,390
What are you doing?
471
00:18:06,660 --> 00:18:08,590
I think you'll find
it's alright now, sir.
472
00:18:09,630 --> 00:18:11,376
You fill the forms in yourself, Carole.
473
00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:12,640
That's what everybody else did.
474
00:18:12,664 --> 00:18:13,576
Really?
475
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:14,537
I'll show you.
476
00:18:14,561 --> 00:18:15,606
What are you doing?
477
00:18:15,630 --> 00:18:17,576
No, no, please.
-Now that's because
478
00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:19,000
Brittas says in any genuine survey,
479
00:18:19,024 --> 00:18:20,576
2% of the papers are always spoiled.
480
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,536
Now, you think of a name.
481
00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:23,576
Is that you, Tim?
482
00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:24,990
Colin, I thought you'd gone home.
483
00:18:25,255 --> 00:18:27,536
I haven't actually got a home
to go to at the moment, Tim.
484
00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:28,537
Shouldn't we be on duty?
485
00:18:28,561 --> 00:18:30,536
Yes, but you're still...
486
00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:32,760
Ah, Mr. Brittas's orders.
If you'd like to lead the way.
487
00:18:32,784 --> 00:18:34,506
Yes. Yes, of course.
488
00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:37,880
Carole, could you make sure
Mr. Brittas gets that filing cabinet?
489
00:18:37,904 --> 00:18:38,797
Filing cabinet?
490
00:18:38,821 --> 00:18:41,606
Oh, yes! Right.
-Excuse me.
491
00:18:41,630 --> 00:18:43,530
I can't seem to find a working lavatory.
492
00:18:43,630 --> 00:18:45,990
No, that's because we haven't any.
493
00:18:47,590 --> 00:18:48,710
I wonder, could you tell me,
494
00:18:48,734 --> 00:18:50,724
was it a number one or a number two?
495
00:18:52,530 --> 00:18:53,606
I'm sorry?
496
00:18:53,630 --> 00:18:55,636
Well, if it was a number one,
497
00:18:55,660 --> 00:18:57,960
there's a bucket behind the
screen in the gymnasium.
498
00:18:58,630 --> 00:19:00,606
And if it's a number two,
499
00:19:00,630 --> 00:19:01,870
you'll want to follow the signs
500
00:19:01,930 --> 00:19:04,560
out to the little wooded
area by the dual carriageway.
501
00:19:05,630 --> 00:19:07,576
And if I could ask you to return the spade
502
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:10,506
in a condition that you
would expect to find it.
503
00:19:10,530 --> 00:19:14,536
Mr. Brittas, I have your canary.
504
00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:16,606
Mr. Brittas, everything
went alright, did it?
505
00:19:16,630 --> 00:19:17,507
Well, he's a bit more yellow
506
00:19:17,531 --> 00:19:19,536
than I'd have liked.
-No, I meant with your wife.
507
00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:20,600
Is she feeling any better?
508
00:19:20,624 --> 00:19:21,484
Unfortunately, Laura...
509
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:23,290
You haven't seen her, have you?
510
00:19:23,530 --> 00:19:24,576
Oh, I fully intend to.
511
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:25,576
Yes, of course.
512
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:27,280
I should have realised
that buying a canary
513
00:19:27,330 --> 00:19:29,611
was far more important than
the breakup of your marriage!!
514
00:19:29,635 --> 00:19:31,735
How silly of me!
-Laura!
515
00:19:32,330 --> 00:19:33,536
I'm gonna see her, Laura.
516
00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:34,507
I'm gonna see her right now.
517
00:19:34,531 --> 00:19:36,506
Mr. Brittas.
-Not now, Gavin.
518
00:19:36,530 --> 00:19:37,536
Oh, what is it?
519
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:39,506
Well, I'm sorry to
disturb you, Mr. Brittas,
520
00:19:39,530 --> 00:19:41,060
but Tim wondered if you
were sure about Colin.
521
00:19:41,084 --> 00:19:41,806
What about Colin?
522
00:19:41,860 --> 00:19:44,020
Well, if it was a good idea
for him to go back on duty.
523
00:19:44,044 --> 00:19:44,536
Yes.
524
00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:46,560
In the swimming pool?
525
00:19:50,530 --> 00:19:51,630
Help!
526
00:19:56,630 --> 00:19:58,536
Can you check over here, Tim?
527
00:19:58,560 --> 00:19:59,537
Help!
528
00:19:59,561 --> 00:20:01,590
It's okay, I'm on to it!
529
00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:06,400
Help! Help me!
530
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:14,530
Something's stuck there,
Tim, can you give us a hand?
531
00:20:18,630 --> 00:20:21,560
Okay lad, get ahold of this.
532
00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:25,606
Come on, son!
533
00:20:25,630 --> 00:20:27,530
I'll soon have you in to the side.
534
00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:32,576
Don't let go now, I'll pull you out!
535
00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:33,537
Help me!
536
00:20:33,561 --> 00:20:35,506
We've got another one, Tim!
537
00:20:35,530 --> 00:20:37,506
I'm not sure I can manage
them both on my own.
538
00:20:37,530 --> 00:20:39,536
Tim!
539
00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:41,576
Colin, what the hell do
you think you're doing?
540
00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:43,260
Thank heavens you're here, Mr. Brittas.
541
00:20:43,530 --> 00:20:45,536
I'm working at a slight
disadvantage here, you see.
542
00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:47,536
Oh, I think you're
doing quite well, Colin.
543
00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:49,506
I've only got one so far.
544
00:20:49,530 --> 00:20:50,576
Oh, no, you've got four.
545
00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:51,576
Really?
546
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:53,536
If only I could see!
547
00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:55,576
I'd be grateful you can't.
548
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,590
Colin, up to my office, now.
549
00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:01,636
Okay, Linda.
550
00:21:01,660 --> 00:21:04,560
Get an ambulance with oxygen
resources as fast as possible.
551
00:21:05,330 --> 00:21:08,606
Julie, chair to support
this lady's head, please.
552
00:21:08,630 --> 00:21:10,576
Quick, come on, this is an emergency!
-Alright.
553
00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:11,600
Right, there we go.
554
00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:13,880
Patrick, we need to find out the names
555
00:21:13,904 --> 00:21:15,834
of that man's parents
and get them down here.
556
00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:18,576
Sandra, that injury
needs a proper compress,
557
00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:20,576
medical box left outside of the corridor.
558
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:22,536
Linda, see if you can
rustle up some hot drinks.
559
00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:24,576
Gavin, blankets and insurance forms.
560
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:25,576
Is this a good time to talk, Gordon?
561
00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:26,507
Not exactly, my darling.
562
00:21:26,531 --> 00:21:28,576
Don't worry, Mr. Brittas,
I'll take over now!
563
00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:29,636
Colin!
564
00:21:29,660 --> 00:21:30,576
Nothing appears to be broken.
565
00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:31,800
Leave that woman alone, Colin.
566
00:21:31,824 --> 00:21:33,504
I'll take care of the injury, Mr. Brittas.
567
00:21:33,528 --> 00:21:34,576
Get out of here, Colin!
568
00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:35,537
But Mr. Brittas!
-Up to my office, now!
569
00:21:35,561 --> 00:21:36,590
Yes, right.
570
00:21:38,530 --> 00:21:39,536
Right, that does it.
571
00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:41,536
I want that man out of this building now.
572
00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:43,360
Patrick, attend to her, please.
573
00:21:43,576 --> 00:21:45,136
Julie...
-It was only a quick one, Gordon.
574
00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:46,367
Not now, my darling.
575
00:21:46,675 --> 00:21:48,506
Julie, write out a cheque
for Colin's salary plus a week
576
00:21:48,530 --> 00:21:49,576
and draft a standard thank
you and goodbye letter.
577
00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:50,640
You're not gonna fire him?
578
00:21:50,664 --> 00:21:52,704
Just watch where you're
dripping blood, please, Tim.
579
00:21:52,728 --> 00:21:54,494
I've got the insurance forms, Mr. Brittas.
580
00:21:54,530 --> 00:21:55,576
Right. Well done, Gavin.
I want you to clear Colin's locker for me.
581
00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:58,600
You'll find some protective gloves
in the resources cupboard.
582
00:21:58,624 --> 00:22:00,330
Put everything in a plastic
bag and put it by the door.
583
00:22:00,354 --> 00:22:01,536
But you can't do that!
584
00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:02,640
Look, you keep out of this.
585
00:22:02,664 --> 00:22:04,064
You're supposed to be injured, Tim.
586
00:22:04,088 --> 00:22:05,608
Linda, organise a
taxi, for me, please.
587
00:22:05,632 --> 00:22:07,512
Gordon, it really won't
take more than a moment.
588
00:22:07,576 --> 00:22:08,576
You can't fire a blind
man on his birthday.
589
00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:10,530
I can do what I want, Tim.
I'm the manager.
590
00:22:10,590 --> 00:22:11,990
Gordon, if you'll just, for once...
591
00:22:12,014 --> 00:22:14,004
Darling, I think I know
what your problem is.
592
00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:16,800
If you take this into the restroom,
put some batteries in it,
593
00:22:16,824 --> 00:22:18,904
I think you'll find it will
relieve your frustration.
594
00:22:19,530 --> 00:22:20,850
Is it true you killed his canary?
595
00:22:20,874 --> 00:22:22,376
What?
-How can you fire him
596
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:23,800
on the day he's lost all his money?
597
00:22:23,824 --> 00:22:24,740
And his aunt's died.
-What?
598
00:22:24,764 --> 00:22:26,606
Favourite aunt, died this morning.
599
00:22:26,630 --> 00:22:27,430
Look, for goodness' sake,
600
00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:30,606
how many times have I told you
people, Colin doesn't matter.
601
00:22:30,630 --> 00:22:32,576
Oh, I'll put that in the letter, shall I?
602
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:34,390
Look, Colin is not important.
603
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:36,040
"Dear Colin, you are not important."
604
00:22:36,360 --> 00:22:37,800
We're running a public service here.
605
00:22:37,824 --> 00:22:39,576
Colin's not important, I'm not important,
606
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:40,576
you're not important.
607
00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:44,336
The only person who matters in
this building is that lady over there.
608
00:22:44,360 --> 00:22:45,576
Our public!
609
00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:49,606
She doesn't care if there's a blind man
with a dead budgerigar and a birthday.
610
00:22:49,630 --> 00:22:51,536
All she wants, I'll
tell you what she wants.
611
00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:52,576
She wants...
612
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:53,660
I want someone to explain
613
00:22:54,360 --> 00:22:56,376
why there is six inches of sewage
614
00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:58,606
in the downstairs' changing room!
615
00:22:58,630 --> 00:23:01,576
Panic over, Mr. Brittas.
They're working again.
616
00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:02,606
What?
617
00:23:02,630 --> 00:23:03,870
Toilets, all flushing normally.
618
00:23:04,430 --> 00:23:06,530
Though, goodness knows
where all that stuff went.
619
00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:11,606
Well, if you're shovelling
it down a toilet, Linda
620
00:23:11,630 --> 00:23:13,606
then of course you're not
going to get anywhere.
621
00:23:13,630 --> 00:23:16,636
It's just going to come straight
back up in the basement.
622
00:23:16,660 --> 00:23:20,506
Well, if you've run out of buckets,
use some saucepans from the cafeteria,
623
00:23:20,530 --> 00:23:23,536
and then you empty it in the area
under the swings, alright?
624
00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:24,560
Bye.
625
00:23:25,576 --> 00:23:26,576
Any luck?
626
00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:27,537
Yeah, he's on his way.
627
00:23:27,561 --> 00:23:28,606
About time, too.
628
00:23:28,630 --> 00:23:30,750
He's putting his rodding
equipment straight in the van
629
00:23:30,774 --> 00:23:32,606
and he'll be here in 11 hours.
630
00:23:32,630 --> 00:23:34,576
11 hours?
631
00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:35,720
It's a long way from Lanark.
632
00:23:35,744 --> 00:23:37,576
On the other hand, he's
never heard of you.
633
00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:39,160
Do you still want this?
634
00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:40,630
I certainly do.
635
00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:46,576
Right, Colin, no time to be
nice about this, you're fired.
636
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:50,606
I'm giving you one week's money
in lieu of notice, and then...
637
00:23:50,630 --> 00:23:51,537
Laura?
638
00:23:51,561 --> 00:23:53,606
I've been thinking. Mr. Brittas.
639
00:23:53,630 --> 00:23:55,576
Where's Colin?
640
00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:57,436
The reason I've always supported you...
641
00:23:57,660 --> 00:23:58,360
Laura, I don't have time...
642
00:23:58,530 --> 00:23:59,610
no matter what you've done,
643
00:23:59,634 --> 00:24:03,360
however stupid or half-baked
everyone thought it was,
644
00:24:03,530 --> 00:24:06,290
I've always known that underneath
it all, you meant well.
645
00:24:06,507 --> 00:24:08,987
Laura, I have an emergency.
-That however many people got hurt,
646
00:24:09,011 --> 00:24:12,606
it was always because you were
trying to do what you believed was best,
647
00:24:12,630 --> 00:24:15,500
particularly what you believed
was best for your staff.
648
00:24:15,530 --> 00:24:17,636
Yes, you're not still going
on about Colin, are you?
649
00:24:17,660 --> 00:24:18,360
I'm afraid I am.
650
00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:20,760
Colin is the least of my
problems at the moment, Laura.
651
00:24:20,784 --> 00:24:23,330
You can't fire him,
Mr. Brittas, not Colin.
652
00:24:23,537 --> 00:24:24,537
It's wrong.
653
00:24:24,561 --> 00:24:26,606
Laura, do you think I want to?
654
00:24:26,630 --> 00:24:28,470
Do you think it gives me
some sort of pleasure?
655
00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:30,290
I don't have any choice.
656
00:24:30,530 --> 00:24:31,576
He's useless.
657
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:34,576
You tell me one thing
Colin is good at. Go on.
658
00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:36,490
Tell me one thing Colin can do.
659
00:24:36,630 --> 00:24:38,506
I'll tell you what,
I'll give you a promise.
660
00:24:38,530 --> 00:24:41,576
If you can tell me one
thing that Colin is good at,
661
00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:43,290
I will make him manager.
662
00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:45,800
Not only that, I'll make him
Lord High Executioner of it.
663
00:24:45,824 --> 00:24:48,784
Here's your problem, Mr. Brittas.
664
00:24:49,530 --> 00:24:51,730
When I heard downstairs
we were getting backed up again,
665
00:24:51,754 --> 00:24:55,606
I said to myself, "I wonder,
they can't have, can they?"
666
00:24:55,630 --> 00:24:57,576
So, I opened up the
gratings and sure enough,
667
00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:59,576
they'd put the R-1-7 in back to front.
668
00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:00,960
What's an R-1-7, Colin?
669
00:25:01,360 --> 00:25:04,636
It's a one way solids
exclusion valve, Laura.
670
00:25:04,660 --> 00:25:06,430
It works a bit like a cat flap, you see?
671
00:25:06,630 --> 00:25:10,606
This door here is to stop waste matter
going back up the floor,
672
00:25:10,630 --> 00:25:12,530
but if you put it in backwards...
673
00:25:14,300 --> 00:25:15,536
I've put the spare in.
674
00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:16,680
You mean it's working again?
675
00:25:16,704 --> 00:25:21,576
Smooth as ketchup out of
a bottle, Mr. Brittas.
676
00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:23,960
And don't you worry about the
mess, I'll soon clean that up.
677
00:25:23,984 --> 00:25:25,290
Oh, just a minute, Colin.
678
00:25:25,630 --> 00:25:27,670
I think Mr. Brittas may
have some good news for you.
679
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:32,576
Poor Colin, never hurt a fly.
680
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:34,336
Not unless it ate something off his skin.
681
00:25:34,360 --> 00:25:35,697
So, we're all agreed then, are we?
682
00:25:35,721 --> 00:25:36,961
Yes.
-Won't going on strike mean
683
00:25:36,985 --> 00:25:38,306
having to stay out of The Centre?
684
00:25:38,330 --> 00:25:40,506
Well, there's not much point
if we all come to work, Carole.
685
00:25:40,530 --> 00:25:41,376
No, no. I know that,
686
00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:43,681
but some of us do have family
commitments in the building.
687
00:25:43,881 --> 00:25:46,576
Well, I'll organise a chest of drawers
on the picket line for you.
688
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:48,560
The important thing is
that we all stand together.
689
00:25:48,584 --> 00:25:50,536
I was wondering
690
00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:52,320
if Mr. Brittas doesn't
actually have a point.
691
00:25:52,536 --> 00:25:54,336
Well, I mean, from a
management point of view,
692
00:25:54,360 --> 00:25:56,040
Colin is a bit...
-Look, if we let him sack
693
00:25:56,064 --> 00:25:57,390
someone for not doing his job,
694
00:25:57,537 --> 00:25:58,537
then none of us is safe.
695
00:25:58,561 --> 00:25:59,561
Well, I'm not.
696
00:25:59,630 --> 00:26:02,306
Right, as union representative,
697
00:26:02,330 --> 00:26:05,576
I'll tell Brittas that no one
here does any work until Colin...
698
00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:07,506
I want six volunteers for the basement.
699
00:26:07,530 --> 00:26:08,407
Colin!
700
00:26:08,431 --> 00:26:10,560
Thank you, Tim, just five more.
701
00:26:11,530 --> 00:26:12,636
I thought you'd been fired.
702
00:26:12,660 --> 00:26:13,507
Fired?
703
00:26:13,531 --> 00:26:15,491
Yes, isn't that why Mr. Brittas
wanted to see you?
704
00:26:15,560 --> 00:26:17,480
We heard he was looking
for a new deputy manager.
705
00:26:17,504 --> 00:26:19,536
Well, I suppose he is, now
that I've been promoted.
706
00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:20,537
Promoted?
707
00:26:20,561 --> 00:26:23,536
To manager in charge of building fabric,
708
00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:26,606
with a new uniform, a 2.5% pay rise,
709
00:26:26,630 --> 00:26:29,390
and my own office in the
basement, when I've dug it out.
710
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:33,536
Colin.
-Are you sure you're up to it?
711
00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:35,576
I'm grand, thank you, Carole.
712
00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:38,306
Do you know, this could
have been such a bad day,
713
00:26:38,330 --> 00:26:43,536
but in that special way of his,
Mr. Brittas made everything right.
714
00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:44,590
Hey, just a minute.
715
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:50,630
I can see!
716
00:26:58,400 --> 00:26:59,660
Helen!
717
00:27:01,630 --> 00:27:03,576
I was supposed to be seeing you, wasn't I?
718
00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:04,576
Never mind.
719
00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:06,376
I'm sorry, my darling.
720
00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:08,290
Got caught up in a couple
of things, and then...
721
00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:09,576
I just heard about Colin.
722
00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:10,600
Colin?
723
00:27:10,630 --> 00:27:11,576
I've never seen anyone look so happy.
724
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:14,606
I'm so glad you decided not to fire him.
725
00:27:14,630 --> 00:27:17,336
Well, Colin's not a bad man, my darling.
726
00:27:17,360 --> 00:27:19,536
The trick with Colin was
to help him find his niche.
727
00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:22,606
I knew if I could do that,
it'd be better for him,
728
00:27:22,630 --> 00:27:24,606
better for me, better for everyone.
729
00:27:24,630 --> 00:27:26,536
Yes, I suppose so.
730
00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:28,560
Yes, I think he'll be alright, now.
731
00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:31,240
A complete disaster as
a swimming pool manager,
732
00:27:31,264 --> 00:27:33,576
but the man does have a
good feel for toilets.
733
00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:35,390
Ooh, that's nice.
734
00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:37,536
Laura tells me you don't
want to go to Brussels.
735
00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:38,507
That's what I've been trying to tell you,
736
00:27:38,531 --> 00:27:40,336
you see, I think...
737
00:27:40,360 --> 00:27:42,336
My darling, if you don't
want to go to Brussels,
738
00:27:42,360 --> 00:27:43,390
we won't go.
739
00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:45,576
You mean much more to me than any job.
740
00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:47,430
You do know that, don't you?
741
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:49,800
No, no.
I think a change could be a good idea.
742
00:27:49,824 --> 00:27:53,384
You know, better for you, better for me,
better for everyone.
743
00:27:53,530 --> 00:27:55,336
Yes.
744
00:27:55,360 --> 00:27:56,536
What's all this, then?
745
00:27:56,560 --> 00:27:58,506
This happens to be a
rather important survey
746
00:27:58,530 --> 00:28:01,390
Carole's been doing about the cafeteria.
747
00:28:01,537 --> 00:28:02,537
Ooh.
748
00:28:02,561 --> 00:28:04,481
Who would've thought that
what people really want
749
00:28:04,505 --> 00:28:07,576
are more high chairs, a proper child menu,
and an area for breastfeeding?
750
00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:08,630
Really?
751
00:28:09,360 --> 00:28:11,536
2% of papers unfortunately spoiled.
752
00:28:11,560 --> 00:28:14,306
We normally get that sort of thing.
753
00:28:14,330 --> 00:28:16,536
The big question is what do we do next?
754
00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:17,990
I have an idea.
-Yeah?
755
00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:20,606
Has Julie gone home yet?
756
00:28:20,630 --> 00:28:23,576
Yes, I suppose if we get some free-standing
screens from the lecture hall,
757
00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:26,576
we can cordon off a mother and child area.
758
00:28:26,600 --> 00:28:29,560
Helen?
-We're going to do my idea first, Gordon
56576
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