Original subtitles

The portal's not here.

Either the map is wrong, or the land is wrong.

Or you're wrong.

Right, yes, that's possible.

Are you saying I could have gotten home from here?

Yes, well, that is if I can find the portal.

Maybe something's written underneath here.

No. That's... No.

Nope. I just can't seem to find it anywhere.

All right. Well, we'll wait as long as it takes.

People die from the cold out here.

- Or until we get cold. - Yeah. I'm already cold.

What do we do when we get there?

Well, it's very important that you don't meet your past selves at all.

Will we cancel ourselves out?

Will we implode into ourselves? Like all our atoms, or whatever?

No, it'll just wreak havoc with your self-image.

Yeah, I've seen myself before. It was very weird.

Now, I wonder what these symbols mean.

Maybe the answer is behind this flap...

- I really can't see this portal anywhere. - There!

There it is.

So, how long will we have to save our parents?

- My dear little Kevin and "Sauron." - Saffron.

We only have 30 minutes.

Thirty minutes?

Yes, we're going back to the night that we met you.

Just slightly earlier.

What? The night that it happened? Can't we go another time?

No! Fianna and The Supreme Being were both there that night!

Yes. Well, there are risks involved.

- Whoa, wait. - No, stop! It's too dangerous!

Not my problem, soz!

My God. She's so...

- Yeah, but she's my sister. - Yeah.

- Kevin. - No, no, Kevin, it's unsafe!

We still don't even know if we can change the past!

I do.

This isn't our house.

There's kids in the fridge.

You kids shouldn't be playing in my fridge.

Okay.

Where are we?

Is this black-and-white times?

- This is a party. - How would you know?

You've never been to a party.

- I have been to one. - Have not.

I did, in the '20s.

- No, you didn't. - I did.

- You didn't. - I did!

- No, you didn't! - I did!

- We've got half an hour, Kevin! - Then stop arguing!

Yeah!

Is this Bingley?

Yeah, unfortunately.

Which way to Chisley Close?

I don't know it.

Can you look it up on your phone?

No.

We need a central landmark to orient ourselves.

It's what we do on the tundra.

Which way to the shopping center?

It's that way. Are you going shopping?

We're gonna stop our parents being turned to coal by a demon.

That's dark.

- It's daytime. - It's supposed to be night.

Maybe we've got more time.

We can't do it.

- We barely survived the first time. - We have to. They're just kids.

I'm actually having second thoughts about this.

'Cause I don't actually wanna get burnt to cinders by my ex-girlfriend.

Not by anyone really, but especially not by her.

- W-We need to discuss this more. - Yes.

No! Stop discussing it, and go now!

My God!

Is that future us? My self-image.

Why are we so sweaty?

Long story, no time.

Where am I?

Those kids, they're in danger.

- Hell. - Yes, hell.

I'm really scared.

No, you're incredibly brave! Your personal contribution is important!

- Wow, really? - Yes! Damn!

Why aren't I with you?

- Did I die? - We're not sure.

What do you mean you're not sure?

How did I open the portal that you're talking to us through?

Your understanding of the map is greater than you realize.

- Is it? - Yes! Time folds!

Do you get it?

No, I'm not getting it, no.

- Wha... What happened to us? - What do you mean, you're not sure?

No! No more questions. You have to go now. Go!

- Hey, what was... Wait! Um... - Okay, okay. Calm down.

What was that screaming?

Why was I so bossy?

- What happens to me? - What was I on about?

I think we need to go back the way we came.

This place looks even more grim than normal.

And everyone's dressed in retro.

Is it in fashion, maybe?

I'm really not up to date with fashion these days.

Yeah, look at you.

Even the music's retro.

It's like Mum's "On the Wine" playlist.

It's 1996.

No. The olden days.

It's not 30 minutes before our parents die.

It's nearly 30 years.

Would Map Guy make a mistake that big?

This is actually the most accurate he's been.

Kevin, that house with the Halloween people,

that was our house before it became our house.

It must be what they knocked down to build the estate.

Our street doesn't exist yet.

We don't live there yet.

We don't live yet.

I thought I was gonna see Mum and Dad.

I really did.

M-Me too.

I wanted to save them.

It's okay, we'll try again.

We'll come back another time.

We can find 'em.

What?

We can see them. They're alive now.

They haven't had us yet, Saff. They don't know us.

But we know them.

I know she won't know who I am. But I wanna hug me mum, Kev.

But what if we do something wrong and stop ourselves from existing?

If we stop ourselves existing, then we won't exist to stop ourselves existing.

That means we'll exist, won't we?

Think about it.

What?

Maybe don't tell them you're their kid from the future.

Because they might not want kids if they see how boring I am?

What are you gonna say?

"I'm ya future son, here to save you from a demon

who turned you into these barbecue briquettes I keep in my bumbag.

That's you there."

I'll go to Poppa's house, you go to Grandma and Granddad's.

We have to think about what we're going to say.

No thinking, just doing.

We're too late. His family are already ghosts.

I'm not bossy though, am I?

This isn't the right place. Is this the Fortress of Darkness?

I'm here. I made it.

This is the right place.

I made it. I'm still here, Penelope.

Yes, yes, good.

What did future me mean, "Time fold"? Folding into what?

You figure it out. We have to save them.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Save them from what? We didn't say.

- How am I about to be brave? - I don't know. I can't imagine it.

- Cool. Fianna! - Out of my way, please.

Beg your pardon.

- Thought you were someone else. - His ex.

It was a turbulent relationship.

Must've been.

All right, great, let's...

Dad?

Take a picture, mate. It'll last longer.

Dad.

I'm Mikey.

M-Mikey who?

Mikey Haddock. Who are you?

I'm Kevin... ...Haddaway.

Haddaway? I had a way with your mum.

Yeah.

Just a joke.

Good one.

Me dad said I need to play outside. I outsmarted him.

Playing outside. Booyah.

Game Boy. Sold me bike to buy it.

Got in trouble.

I'm a rebel.

I got killed.

It's okay, I've got another life.

Yeah.

Have a go. It's wicked.

No, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Okay, press that.

I found him.

The tiny one from the special bedroom.

But he's in the wrong time.

And he is without the others.

He holds the map.

Are you sure that's the map, Master?

- Yeah, so this is the map. - Yeah, that's the map.

So, you can go to different lands with it, right?

No. Hide it, he'll see it.

It's too late. I've already seen it.

Awaken Fianna.

Fianna!

Fianna.

What did you mean when you say you didn't know if I'm alive?

It wasn't me now, Bittelig, it was me in the future.

How am I supposed to know what future me doesn't know?

Do I fall into a time void?

I don't know!

- So, do I get... sorry... get caught? - I don't know!

All right, great, listen.

- Anything? Anything? No. - No. Nothing.

Apparently not.

Future me was so bossy.

Really disturbing how I came across.

A-Am I anything like that?

- No. - No.

'Cause I'm not bossy. Right.

Okay, Alto, you've got to blend in

and find out which of these are Kevin's parents.

Why am I going to be brave?

- Is it because... - Just go!

Indeed.

Was that bossy? No, that was firm. There's a difference.

It's my nan's wedding dress. I dyed it black. It's wicked, yeah?

Yeah, deadly.

Wicked, yeah?

Do you know the people who live here?

Yeah, I do, mate.

Deadly.

Do you know my mates Kevin and "Savlon"?

They live here.

They're children.

Are you their mum and dad?

Ooh, yuck.

- Yuck. - No, mate.

No, no, okay.

Were some kids playing in the fridge.

- Where did they go, mate? - Something about a quest.

Yeah?

Something about a demon at a shopping center.

Shopping center. Wicked.

And scene.

Hiya, do you wanna dance?

Cool.

Hello.

H-hi.

What do you want, love?

Um, I'm a-a person who's, just moved into the local area.

And, um, I'm meeting people in the local area.

Okay.

Now I've met you, and...

Is this your daughter?

Yeah, yeah, this is Lisa.

She's so little.

Yeah, she's six.

Where's your mum, love?

She, passed away.

Um, I'm sorry.

- You must miss her. - I do miss her. A lot.

I even miss arguing with her.

I wish I could tell her sorry.

Well, we all say things we regret to our mums.

And it's okay, because when you've become the parent,

you remember being the one saying those things.

Do you wanna come inside, love?

Get a cup of tea? And that muck off your face?

I mean, how could you not have noticed her?

- She walked through the door? - No. She smashed through it.

And her eyes were literally glowing like lava.

Fianna.

It was a really strong look, actually.

We have to find Kevin and "Salmon" before she does.

Hold on.

You're back.

Knew you would be.

I'll forgive you for breaking the door if you dance with me.

It's nice to meet you.

I didn't get to meet you.

No, well, you just moved to the area, didn't you?

That's much more respectable.

I haven't seen my reflection for years.

I'm older.

Not bad. I've been brushing my teeth with sticks.

Why don't you two have a little play?

I've just got to make a quick phone call.

- Right? - Yeah, cool.

Hi, Mum.

- Whoo. - Whoa.

This is a stellar track.

It's rad.

Is that a thing you say in this era?

Yeah. It's about how the future's gonna be insanity. Virtually insane.

By the 2020s, flying cars.

Not gonna happen.

The concept of flying cars is almost as old as cars themselves.

The late 1800s.

Wow. Knowledge. Well impressed.

- Really? - Keep it down, Mikey!

But we're chilling!

I wish there was no bloody sound. Down!

Sorry, Granddad.

Who's this cheeky bugger?

No, you're actu... I...

This is Kevin Haddaway.

That your Game Boy?

- Confiscated. - See you, Granddad.

Bloody rude!

Lucky I don't clip you both round the ears!

Sorry, Granddad.

I'm 32, I'm still fit, you know?

Wow. Knowledgeable and rebellious.

You're so cool, Kevin.

I've always wanted to hear you say that.

I mean, I've always wanted to hear someone say that.

It's pretty cool that it's you.

What's your dad like, Kevster?

Well, he's a lot better to me than his dad was to him.

And I think he would like to know that.

I love him.

Sorry for always answering back.

Sorry for not answering you when you want me to.

Sorry for using your phone to buy things off the Internet.

What?

Sorry for cutting Kevin's hair off when he's sleeping.

Sorry for disrespecting you.

We're playing "Babies and Mummies."

I'm the mummy.

So many shops.

All right, what shops would they be in?

Kevin!

- Kevin! - Kevin!

- Kevin! - No, that's...

No.

Okay, Alto, blend in.

See if anyone has seen them.

And, look out for Fianna.

- Me? - Yes.

Why me? Not...

Well, we didn't see him in the future. We saw you. We know you're okay.

I'm not okay?

- Is that right? - Not necessarily.

This must be the moment of bravery I told myself about.

- Have you got the time, mate? - Yes.

The casual mockery.

That's... That's fair enough.

We have to find Kevin and "Cardamom" before Fianna does.

Yeah.

Fianna wants the map.

Or maybe she still wants me.

How foolish of me.

I'm bringing her both those things.

Penelope.

I can't die now.

Okay.

I haven't done anything with my life

except making shrubs and, you know, stealing a few vases.

I have never done anything important in my life.

Bittelig, you're obsessing over this,

and that might be the distraction that puts you at risk.

And I really can't lose you.

Really?

Yes.

So, not bossy.

Sensitive with good advice.

Yes.

Go find the kids.

- Right now. Do it now. - Yeah. Thank you.

And be careful.

I was wondering, have the pair of you seen two scruffy children?

Scruffy kids?

Round here?

Yeah, round here.

Ooh, there's lots of scruffy kids round here.

Yeah.

They've all been dragged up instead of brought up.

That's not right.

Michael Jordan.

Lefty.

This is a good day. This moment.

It's a great moment.

Yeah, freakin' ace moment.

I led her here.

Thank you so much, Da... Mikey.

It's been the best day of my life. Thank you so much.

All right, mate. Calm down. We'll hang out again.

We will, but I won't see you as much, or you'll be distracted.

Why won't I see you as much?

Work commitments.

Work commitments?

I've got to go. I love you.

Who the hell is that?

- It's a demon. Go inside. - Whatever.

She's after me and my friends. Remember her.

Give me the map!

Duck!

- What? - Remember!

Be afraid! Remember!

Dad!

What did May say next?

She said yes.

- No. - She did. Absolutely.

You all right, lad?

- You've gone quite pale. - He has, hasn't he?

- What's the matter? What? - Elsie, Sid, I have to go.

She's here.

I thought you wanted to hear about Winnie's piles.

No.

Is this when I die?

Yeah, probably.

Sorry for practicing graffiti on the bathroom wall and lounge wall.

Sorry for calling Mrs. Fitzroy the B word and saying I learned it from you.

Even though I did learn it from you.

- Hiya. - Hello.

We're from Social Services. You called us about a child in distress?

Yeah. She turned up very dirty and confused.

You did the right thing calling us. We'll take care of her.

Yeah. I mean, she's brushing her teeth with sticks.

Sticks?

Love, got someone here to help you.

Saff, what are you doing?

It's our mum.

- I wanna bring her with us. - You can't.

She has to live her life, or we might not be born.

I wanna save her, Kevin.

No. No.

No.

Let Lisa go. And come with us, love.

Yeah. We understand that you've lost your mummy.

But you wouldn't want Lisa to lose her mummy as well, would you?

Can I give you a hug?

Love you so much.

Okay, let her go, please.

Saff, gotta go now. Love you, Mum.

Nice to meet you. I'll see you once when I'm a baby.

These kids need help.

- Come back here! - Nanna seems nice.

She's a grass!

Oi, demon!

- Saff! - Remember me?

Have a go if you think you're hard enough!

Saff! No.

Run!

You minger!

Widgit!

Fianna!

You've got something I want.

I told you. You and I are over.

When I first met you, I was a different man.

The map.

The ma... Yeah, no, you can't have that.

Can we run slower? We're gonna stitch.

Run, Kevin!

I'm terribly sorry. That's my fault, for bumping into you there.

What?

Kevin! We found you, and you, "Paprika."

- Saffron. - Whatever.

That was brave.

That was actually brave. I'm not gonna make a big deal of it.

I did something brave. I don't wanna make a big deal. I just did it.

Fianna!

Fiannas. There's t...

We need to get out of here now!

Well, we may have made a mistake by hiding in here.

- Because I think we're trapped. - What?

There's a back door!

Hey, you run, you run, and you run! And I'll fight her!

- No! - No, Bittelig, no! I'm not being bossy.

But no, Bittelig!

Yes! I want to do something important.

Maybe this is it! Come on!

Careful!

- Go! - Go, go, go.

- Who are you? - Who are you?

Come on, bring it on! Yeah!

That's all you got?

Run!

- Is he going to be okay? - Can't we just give 'em the map?

- No, no, no, no! - No, no, no!

- We can't let Pure Evil get the map! - No.

We have to leave him.

Okay, did you save them? Did it work? Where are they?

Our parents were just kids.

You brought us to the wrong time, genius!

Well, we have to leave this time

before the Fiannas catch up to us.

Well, what about Bittelig?

Fianna!

No, sorry, it's just an angsty youth.

We need to warn ourselves so we can save the kids from Fianna.

Do you know how to do that?

Well, I told myself my understanding of the map is greater than I realize.

Is it?

No.

Time folds. Time f... Time folds. Time folds.

Time folds, it's a double meaning.

Time folds into itself,

and these particular portals are opened by folds in the map!

And if I turn back this clock symbol to the Ice Age time,

then open the fold on the map,

time folds.

My goodness!

Right, remember, the portal is only open briefly. S...

- Okay, good. - We need to discuss this more.

No! Stop discussing it, and go now!

- My God! - Is that our future selves?

- My self-image. - Why are we so sweaty?

Long story, no time.

- Where am I? - Those kids. They're in danger.

- Hell. - Yes, hell.

I'm really scared.

No! You're incredibly brave!

Your personal contribution is important!

- Wow, really? - Yes! Damn!

Why aren't I with you?

- Did I die? - We're not sure.

What do you mean, you're not sure?

How did I open the portal that you're talking to us through?

Your understanding of the map is greater than you realize.

- Is it? - Yes! Time folds! Do you get it?

No, I'm not getting it, no.

- Wh... What happened to us? - What do you mean, you're not sure?

No! No more questions. You have to go now. Go!

- Okay, okay. Calm down. - Hey. Wait! Um...

Why does everybody keep doing that?

You look like my ex!

Lucky man.

Damn, I just had to tell myself I was brave, didn't I? What a show-off!

And I said "time folds" again.

We had the exact same conversation.

No, I was not as bossy.

Hey, guys.

You're alive!

- Of course. - I thought you were dead.

You were fighting two Fiannas.

Yeah. I-I thought the two of them were going to win.

By the way, Fianna, your ex-girlfriend is a great fighter.

But then they started arguing with each other, you know?

I just... You know me. I just slipped away, you know?

- And I went to the-the shopping center... - Wait, we have to go.

Look, I found medicine for Twonicorn.

And then I got a book on how to care for injuries.

This is the important thing I'm gonna do in my life.

I'm saying that when I was where you are now in this time, this didn't happen.

- Why? So something's changed? - Yeah.

Alto, let's go!

Fianna!

Okay, we're going to reset your leg. That's page 30.

I failed again.

Kevin, you know, there's so many things that we don't know about this universe.

We don't know if it's possible to stop the big things from happening.

Like death. We've tried.

We tried to save Susan.

- Yes. - What happened to her?

She fell off a cliff and then was crushed by a giant boulder.

It was pretty conclusive.

The cliff was bad. But then the boulder.

And no matter how many times we tried to get there before it happened,

we always, always arrived just after it happened.

But we didn't give up.

So you're still trying?

Well, no. Eventually, we gave up.

Sometimes in life, it's best to just breathe and move on.

Hold on. They're not in here.

What?

Look, the coal's gone.

Wait, did we...

Alter history?

It's after me!

Hello?

Hello, can you hear me?

Can you hear me? Do you hear me?

What the hell?

Yeah, it's me, Pure Evil.

I've tracked you down.

The Time Bandits and their leader, the one they call...

- Penelope. - Kevin.

Actually, no. We don't really have a leader,

per se. But actually, I w...

You have something I want.

The universal elemental blueprint of time and space.

- No, we definite... - No, no, no!

No, I don't think we have that.

- We do not have that. - We haven't got that.

You call it the map.

- Yes. - Widgit has that.

- Oi. - You'll never get it.

Well, you say that. But I have something you want.

And I'm prepared to exchange.

I... I asked if we had Zoom the first day we got here

and you set my feet on fire.

It's not Zoom, it's evil magic.

I could set up a mesh system for you. Boost the signal.

Is that Mum and Dad?

- Sounds like them. Mum? Dad? - You're absolutely right.

Kevin! Saffron!

Who are those people you're with?

Mum.

I'm with Kevin and his rando mates.

- Okay. All right. - Oi. I'm not your mate.

Mum and Dad. We thought you were dead. You were dead.

- Not dead. - Not dead.

Saffron, we did it. We saved them.

No, Kevin. We saved us. Didn't we, Lisa?

That's right, Mike.

You cried, and... and begged a little...

Used initiative, is what I did.

I've had recurring nightmares about that demon since childhood.

And as you know, I have training in hostage situations,

because when I was little, I was nearly kidnapped by that feral orphan girl.

So we've been prepared.

It's her. The demon is here.

Please don't hurt us.

We will meet all and any demands.

We will comply with all orders and instructions.

All right, lovely family catch-up.

If you ever want to see your parents alive again,

bring the map to the Fortress of Eternal Darkness.

I will be waiting.

You two take care now.

Bye.

We did it. Mum and Dad aren't dead.

No, it's worse.

Worse than death?

Yes. Slightly worse.

Well, then we need to find this Fortress of Darkness

and save our mum and dad.

But it's in the time of legends.

We're not allowed to go there.

- Why? - It's where Pure Evil lives.

- And? - And he's evil.

Pure evil.

- And? - And your parents aren't that great.

What did he mean, you were dead?

- Don't know. - It's not been my experience.

- Not dead. - Not dead.

Maybe they changed something while traveling through time

and altered the course of something you did?

Shut up, John. That's not possible.

No. Actually, it is possible.

It's entirely possible.

You take the cast off the leg in six weeks,

and if Twonicorn is in pain, you just give him three of these.

One! Two! Three!

Eat now?

- Eat it now! - Eat?

No, don't eat those.

- Three. - Three eat now. Okay.

No, don't eat this.

- For Twonicorn. - "Pennepe."

Yeah?

Me and Kaga together now.

- Yeah. - Soz.

Okay, yes. That makes sense. Good.

You jealous?

No.

Yeah, you well jel.

- She well jel, yeah? Innit? - I'm really not.

You using me?

- No. I isn't. - Yeah, you... you're a user, you are.

- Innit? Innit? You're sus, you. - Isn't. No!

- I'm not sus! No, it's not! - That's sus. Very sus.

- Is you off, Saff? - Yeah.

I have to go save me other family again.

Thanks for looking after me all this time.

It's all right, Saff.

See you later.

Laters!

Yeah, laters.

- Bye, sister. - Bye, sister.

- Bye. - Bye, Saff.

- Bye. - TTFN, then.

Good-bye, Grunt.

Shut up, Kevin!

All right, Map Guy, show us how to get to this Fortress of Darkness.

It's too dangerous. You don't want to go there.

- We do. - I'm sorry.

What I meant to say was, it's too dangerous, I don't want to go there.

How do we get there, Widgit?

Well, it's, it's right here.

No. It's miss... It's missing.

What?

Yeah, it's mi... it's missing.

Time of legends is in the missing corner.

Then we need to find that corner.

Find a corner?

Come on, nobsicles.

- See you, Saff! - Laters, innit!

>>>>oakislandtk www.opensubtitles.org