Original subtitles

Mom?

What's wrong?

- Rebecca, go back to bed.

- Why are you crying?

- Because I'm sad.

- Why?

- Because we live in a very sad country.

- Why is it sad?

- Because half the people who live here

made the wrong decision.

How do you know?

- Because I know.

But you've been wrong before.

- Well, I'm not wrong about this.

- You were wrong when you thought that black man

stole your cell phone.

- That was a mistake.

- You dropped it and he was trying to give it back to you.

- I know that, Rebecca.

- You were wrong that time.

Maybe you can be wrong this time.

- I'm not wrong, go to bed.

- Mom?

- Yes.

- Do you think I could be president one day?

- Probably not.

- The Democrats thought this scenario was impossible.

Trump has already won

several battleground states that were predicted

to go to Hillary Clinton,

and now, he has just won Ohio and Michigan.

No one could have predicted he would win those states,

except for Trump himself.

He ran a campaign of brawn and bluster,

traveling from state to state,

boasting to crowds that he would win easily.

It looks like he's going to pull it off.

There's still a statistical chance that Hillary could win.

It's a small chance, maybe impossible.

Why don't they just call it?

He's won.

The New York Times just called it.

Really, The New York Times?

Yeah.

Oh man, then, it's over.

Fuck the networks.

They're just stringing people along

to sell their advertising.

Look at this bozo.

They know it's over

and yet they're still trying to sell this idea

that Hillary has a chance.

- Like we're children. - Turn that shit off.

- He's won! - Trump's the next president.

- Holy shit.

- Donald Fucking A Trump! - He did it!

- Oh, that orange-headed maniac pulled it off.

- We dodged a bullet. - We sure did.

- You know what woulda happened if Hillary Clinton

had won tonight?

- What? - Woulda been the end of man.

- The end of man? - Yeah.

- You think so? - I know so.

- How so? - The Bush family.

- The Bush family? - The Bush family, yes.

- What about 'em?

- Barbara Bush, Laura Bush, her two daughters.

All the Bush women supported Hillary.

- So? - You know why?

- They were against Trump.

- That wasn't it.

They did it to pave the way

for the Bush daughters' own political ambitions.

- What do you mean?

- You don't support somebody on the other side

unless there's something in it for you.

- Okay.

- The Bush daughters could be President.

It's in their blood.

- So the Bushes supported Hillary

so their own daughters could become president?

- They're all in collusion with each other.

- Who?

- The women.

- The Bushes, the Clintons, the Obamas.

They formed a cabal to make sure

that all their daughters could be Head of State.

- I don't know.

There's a lotta holes in that theory.

- Yeah there are a lotta holes, lotta vagina holes.

Right down the line, it woulda been women in power

followed by women in power.

On and on succeeding each other.

They woulda had to rename the Oval Office, the Vulva Office.

- It still could happen, 4 years or 8 years down the road.

- No, the Democrats aren't gonna run a woman against Trump

four years from now.

- Well, they might.

- No, no, they're not confident

that a woman can beat Trump.

- Well, they could run somebody like Elizabeth Warren.

- That's too risky.

If a woman is on the Democratic ticket and loses again,

women will be seen as unelectable.

- Well, the Republicans could run a woman

after Trump's second term.

Bite your fucking tongue.

That ain't gonna happen.

The patriarchy has been restored.

- I don't know.

- That's the way it should be, Baxter.

Men rule.

Women cook the fucking meat.

- You can't just reduce this

to some basic hunter-gatherer instinct.

- I can do what I want.

I can say whatever I want.

The right candidate won.

The bitch lost.

Men rule.

Say it.

- I'm not gonna say that.

- It's a man's world.

Men rule! - I'm not gonna say it.

- And women cook the fucking meat!

Finally, Grant's here.

Hey, hey, hey, you crazy son-of-a-bitch.

- Hello. - Can I help you?

Yes, I'm staying next door

and you're making an awful lotta noise.

- Oh sorry, we're celebrating a bit.

- What's the occasion? - It's the election.

- That's what you're celebrating?

- As a matter of fact, it is. - I wouldn't celebrate that.

Oh you're a Hillary supporter, I take it.

Well, Trump is going to undo

all the good will that President Obama created.

- Hey, hey, it's me.

- I'm just calling to see how you're doing.

He's an apologist.

- Gimme a shout and let me know.

Let me know when you get the message.

He was sappy.

He might as well have been the opening act for Elton John.

Oh, it's exactly what we needed

after the Bush administration.

- He was soft.

He was compassionate and respectful

to all cultures.

He was a brown-noser.

And I mean that figuratively.

And now the entire world is laughing at us.

Well, the liberals laughed at us

for an entire year.

Payback is a bitch.

I'm gonna go join my friend now, so--

- Please keep it down. - Yeah, we'll do that.

Can you believe that fat bitch?

Asking me to keep it down.

Well, you were screaming.

- I'm not screaming.

I'm being a little loud.

But I'm not screaming.

What are you watching?

- I don't know.

The TV just popped on by itself.

- Yeah, it does that every now and then.

It pops on out of the blue.

It's annoying.

I told them at the desk and they said they'd do something

but they haven't, the fuckheads.

What channel is this?

I have no idea.

- It's all in reverse.

Why is it in reverse?

- I don't know. It's pretty hypnotic.

- Ah, turn it off.

God, these images.

It's like they're trying to brainwash us.

It's so distracting.

I think it's kinda cool.

- And this bitch trying to rob me of my freedom.

You fat fucking bitch.

- Come on, man. - Mmm...

What?

- My mom's fat. - Well, so what?

My dad's fat.

My sister's fat.

Hell, I could lose a pound or two.

Fuck that and fuck you, you fat bitch.

- It's just, it's not nice. - Oh, what's not nice?

- To mock somebody because of their weight.

- If they overeat, I think they should be mocked.

- Well, who's to say she overeats?

It might be genetic, like her thyroid.

- That's not genetic.

That's the all-you-can-eat-buffet at Golden Corral.

- Would you have been this irritated if she was thin?

- Of course I would.

Bullshit. If she was sexy you'd have been nicer.

- What, is it a crime to be mean?

- No, that's how Trump got elected.

- That's right.

If it was a crime, yeah, he woulda been arrested.

But it's not a crime

and his voters responded to that.

- Well, he was just rallying his base, right?

I mean, now that he's president,

I'm sure he'll scale it back.

- I hope not. I hope he gets nastier.

- Really, why?

- Because I hate this PC culture.

- You're not free. - Of course I'm free.

- No, you're not free if you're worried

about hurting people's feelings.

And Trump understood that.

People are fed up.

He tapped into that.

Man's a genius.

- Well, shouldn't the president have a sense of decorum?

- Decorum, what the hell is that?

- Well, it's just his delivery.

It's very--

- Obnoxious? - Yes.

- His outspokenness got him elected.

Now you wanna mute him.

I'm not saying mute.

- You know people said, you can't say that about Mexicans.

You can't say that about Muslims!

And Trump just shrugged it off and said "watch me."

The more liberals cried "but it's mean,"

the more defiant Trump became.

Oh, oh, fuck being nice!

Long live Trump!

- Cameron, look, we gotta keep it down.

- You know who gets labeled an asshole in this life?

Those who tell the truth.

You know why? Because the truth hurts.

And it's what we need.

We've had the Age of Reason, we've had the Enlightenment.

Now we need the Age of Truth.

Trump is Truth.

- Well, he lied his ass off, though,

the entire election, didn't he?

- Whatever, he's a politician, it's to be expected.

- Time for me to go.

- It's early.

It's actually not.

- You wanted to have some lines, right?

Grant will be here any second.

I shouldn't.

- Well, nobody does coke because they should.

Well, then why do they do it?

- It'll sober you up. - I'm not drunk.

- Yes, you are.

No, I'm not.

- Alice texted you. - No.

She texted you.

She's riding you, telling you

you have to come home.

- She said I could stay out as late as I want tonight.

- Oh, she gave you permission?

- I don't need permission.

- You just said she told you you could stay out late.

- She did.

- That sounds like you usually have a curfew

but that tonight you don't.

- I'm a grown man. I don't need a curfew.

- The last time we were all out together

she was bossing you around.

- No, she wasn't.

- Yeah, you tried to order a third glass of scotch,

she told you to go fuck your mother's ass.

- What? When?

- Whenever. Like two years ago.

We were at Gemma.

You tried to order a drink.

She said, "No."

You said "It's okay, I'll have another one."

Alice said, "That's enough, mister."

And you capitulated.

Mister? I don't think she said, "mister."

It was a sad moment for you.

- Well that was two years ago.

- So?

I was drinking a lot then.

- What, two drinks? That's not a lot.

- Well, it woulda been three.

Three, it's not a lot.

You've had five tonight.

- No, I haven't. - Yeah, you have.

- What, are you counting my drinks?

I'm estimating.

Look at the bottle of scotch.

You almost finished that goddamned bottle.

- Fuck, I gotta stop drinking.

- Oh, now you're scared Alice is gonna find out.

- Bullshit!

I see it in your face.

You're stressed.

- I'm not stressed.

I'll prove it.

- Good, Baxter, good.

Marriage is stressful.

You know, that's why men drink.

Stay. Do some coke, then go home. It's all good.

Fine, well, let's order some room service.

- I'm starving. - Yeah, we haven't eaten yet.

- Oh shit, I gotta take this call.

- Yeah, you talk to Alice.

I'll order food.

Hey.

Hey.

How are you?

Terrible. How do you think I'm doing?

- It's gonna be okay.

- How did this happen?

Listen, I told you this was a possibility.

- Yeah, 'cause we live in a nation full of morons.

- Yeah, send all that and apple pie.

What do you mean you're sold out? It's on the menu.

Well, what else you got?

Fruit cake? I don't want fruit cake.

Uh, all right, send fruit cake.

Yeah, thanks.

Out of fucking apple pie on election night.

Fucking asshole.

- Hey. - Yes.

It's about time.

- What's going on, brother?

Come on in.

- Wow.

- Shoes. - I know.

- You just living in a hotel room now, huh?

- Yeah.

- They just let you do that?

- Well, if you pay they'll let you do anything.

- Yeah, I'm aware that.

Why don't you get an apartment already?

- Because I can walk to work.

I like it here.

- Really? - Yeah.

- Better than your place uptown?

I mean, you know.

This is kinda small for you, no?

- Less upkeep.

Fresh towels every day.

- They clean the sheets every day?

- Every day.

- Fresh white sheets every day.

- Like I like it. - I know you do.

How long do you plan on staying here?

- Well, I don't know. I'm here.

I'll stay as long as I want.

- It just doesn't make any sense, Cam.

Just get an apartment, right?

You gotta be paying what, $10,000 a month?

- 15.

- 15 grand a month to live in a hotel room?

- I plan on getting an apartment soon.

- It's really fucking stupid.

- Don't call me stupid.

Did you bring any coke?

- There are reports of hate crimes.

What kind of hate crimes?

- People assaulting Asians, Mexicans.

They're painting swastikas on buildings.

- Asians are threatening Mexicans

and painting swastikas on buildings?

No, Asians aren't doing it.

The bigots are doing it to them.

- White people?

- Of course it's white people. It's not the Amish.

- The Amish are technically white, aren't they?

- They're doing horrible things,

assaulting gay people, intimidating minorities.

Well, it's only a few of them.

- They're all the same.

- That's the kind of thinking that created Trump

in the first place.

Bullshit. The media created Trump.

- Well, you're being as close minded as the people

who say all Muslims are terrorists.

- Don't lump me in the same category as those bigots.

- You think you'd get enough of this but you don't.

- When are you coming home?

- In an hour or so. I ordered some food.

- Have you been drinking?

- No, I , I, well, I had a drink.

- Beer or mixed drink?

- A beer, half a beer.

- You only had half a beer?

- Yes.

What did you do with the other half?

- I left it on the table.

- Where are you?

- I'm on the sidewalk.

- What bar?

- Um, Gemma.

Why'd you say, "Um, Gemma," like you had to think about it?

- Are you drunk? - No.

- What'd you order?

- I ordered a burger.

- Jesus, you have the worst fucking diet.

- I'm in the best shape of my life.

- You don't know that. You could have aorta blockage.

- You seem on edge, Cam. You a little angry?

- Angry? No, I'm not angry.

I am liberated. Fuck that bitch.

- That doesn't sound angry to you?

No.

- You were married a long time, man.

- 36 years.

- How old are you again? - 56.

You got married when you were 20?

Hmm.

- Wow, you must be terrified.

- What? Terrified? What do you mean terrified?

- I don't know, thought of living alone after all that time.

You gotta be panicking.

- I am not panicking about anything.

- Are you gonna drink it? - Am I gonna drink what?

- The other half a beer. - I was planning on it.

- All right, well, after that, that's it.

- Okay, fine.

Who are you with?

- I'm with some of my colleagues from work.

You know like, John and Trevor.

- I'm getting married in March.

- No, you're not. - Yes, I am.

- Why the fuck would you do that?

- 'Cause I met someone

I wanna spend the rest of my life with.

- No, Why now?

You've been a bachelor all your life.

- I just, I really relate to her.

She's young, 19, 20?

- What, no.

- She's younger than you, right?

- Well, she's my age.

I mean a little bit younger but--

- You're marrying a woman your own age?

- Yeah, of course.

- Now I know you've lost your fucking mind.

- This is actually the clearest I've ever been in my head.

I am at peace.

- Peace, well, that ends after the honeymoon.

- I hate him.

I hate his fucking guts.

- All right, listen, you gotta give him a chance.

Maybe he's gonna end up being a good president.

- Are you out of your fucking mind?

Aren't you gonna miss it?

Miss what?

Fucking random women.

What do they call it, sport fucking?

- I never did that. - You're gonna miss that.

- I never did that! - Sure you did.

What, look at you.

You're handsome, sexy.

- Thank you but so what?

- You fucked hundreds of women?

- I did not, why would you--

- How many women you fuck, Grant?

- Why do you wanna know?

- Because it's fun.

How many bitches you fucked?

- Bitches? Cam, come on. - What?

- Okay, you have always had a healthy disdain

for the opposite sex, I grant you,

but this is, this is excessive now.

- I don't have disdain for the opposite sex.

- Did you vote for him? - What do you mean?

- What do you mean "what do I mean?"

- I asked you simple question.

- Why would you think that I voted for Trump?

Because you've been acting suspicious lately.

- Suspicious? In what way?

- You've been acting funny ever since that trip to Chicago.

- Sue, Donna-Marie, Elizabeth.

- Why are you bringing them up?

- What do they have in common? - They have pussies.

They all deserved promotions. You know they did.

- Wanda? Wanda shoulda been managing you.

- How many girls you fucked?

- You know what, they're protesting.

Who?

People.

- Where?

A few blocks from here.

- Well, what are they protesting?

The election, what else?

- But that doesn't make any sense.

Of course it does.

Were there voting irregularities? Trouble with the machines?

Or voter intimidation?

Not that I'm aware of.

- Then what's to protest?

- The election.

What else?

- I don't see how people can do that?

- What's that? - Sport fuck.

- You know, sleep with random people.

And now you're doing prostitutes?

Really?

You been separated four months.

- You judging me? - No, I'm not judging.

I'm just suggesting maybe you try dating.

- Ugh, I don't wanna get involved emotionally.

- I'm thinking of taking the girls down there.

- Where?

- The protest!

- What, are you crazy? Where are they now?

They're asleep.

- You're gonna wake up the girls

and bring them to a protest?

- Of course.

What good would that do?

- To show Trump we're not gonna take it.

You're not gonna take what?

- His sexist chauvinistic bullshit.

- I need to feel something for the other person.

- Most of the sex I have feels amazing.

- I'm talking about emotionally.

- Emotionally. Yeah, that's what I'm trying to avoid.

- I just think it's kind of important to respect a woman.

- Ah, at the ceremony, the preacher's gonna say

"I now pronounce you eunuch and wife."

Especially after tonight, you gotta respect their emotions.

- Okay, so when Trump said all that stuff

about grabbing women's pussies,

that didn't bother you, did it?

- Are you kidding me? I fucking hate that guy.

- Since when?

- I don't know what to do.

I feel like I'm losing my fucking mind.

I just wanna be around people who are pissed off.

- You can't wake the girls up and take them to a protest.

It's too late.

When are you coming home?

- I told you after after I finish eating

my burger and fries.

- Fucking burger. This is the last one.

What is it with the red meat?

All you business types and your fucking steaks.

I'm gonna call you later, okay?

Bye.

- Truth is most women don't give a shit

about what Trump said.

- Oh come on, sure they do.

- You know guys like you, you enable women.

- Enable, enable them how?

- You enable their neediness.

- What are you even talking about?

By catering to their emotional needs,

you normalize their neediness and then men

get blamed for their imperfections.

Wow, you are having a meltdown.

When they get upset,

and they get upset at every fucking thing,

they externalize the blame.

And usually it's men.

It's always men who oppress them, who squeeze them.

We don't hold them down.

They're just not strong enough to rise above the oppression.

Oh wait, women aren't strong?

- No, they're not. - Women aren't strong?

Well, that's funny 'cause I happen to know of one woman

who almost became fucking president tonight.

She slogged through a system, no,

fought through a system that was ruled by men,

run by men, created by men,

and you know what? She almost fucking won.

Yeah, but she fucking lost. Thank God!

You are intimidated by strong women, Cam.

And you know what, you always have been.

Fuck you.

No, fuck you. That's why you didn't promote Elizabeth,

why you didn't promote Suzanne,

why you didn't promote Donna-Marie

and why you didn't promote Wanda.

- They weren't as good.

They weren't as good?

But Duane was as good?

Alex was good.

Douglas Cosgrave?

You called him douche bag Douglas Cosgrave

and you promoted him over Wanda Jacobs.

- Fuck you. - Fuck you. She was better.

What, Wanda was better--

Don, Don, wake up.

What?

- Would you go over there and tell them to quiet down?

You woke me up, dammit.

They're driving me crazy.

- Just put me in ear plugs.

- They hurt my ears and besides,

why should I have to wear earplugs in my hotel room?

Listen.

Do you hear them yelling?

I don't hear anything.

- That's because you're deaf.

Listen.

I don't hear anything.

Well, now no one's yelling.

Well, then everything's okay.

No, 'cause as soon as I start to drift off,

those white pieces of shit

will start yelling. - Oh, honey, please.

Don't call them white pieces of shit.

- Don't call me honey.

You know I don't like that.

- Well, I don't like it when you call people pieces of shit.

And why white pieces of shit?

Wouldn't piece of shit suffice on it's own?

- Well, I get pissed off.

- That's no excuse. - Sure it is.

- I don't say racist things when I'm pissed off.

- You don't get pissed off.

- You know, this is a common thing for you lately.

- You point out the color of someone's skin

while you're insulting them.

- No, I don't.

- Bill O'Reilly's not an asshole, he's a pale-faced asshole.

Tucker Carlson's not a moron, he's a white bread moron.

And you do the same with me when you get upset

and, frankly, I'm starting to wonder about you.

You're wrong.

- You're wrong.

- I've never seen you like this.

- I'm fine. - You're psychotic.

- You're soft.

- Ugh, seriously, man, I see this open door

and my first instinct is to lock it

and move you to the ground floor.

- It'll last a year.

- What will?

- I give it one year.

Two years tops? - What?

I found your wedding ring.

- Oh, I've been looking for that.

It's actually pretty expensive.

- You don't seem too upset about it.

- Well, I've lost it a dozen times.

Think unconsciously I'm trying to lose it.

- So why don't you just sell it, man?

Why are you holding onto it?

Room service already?

Oh, it's you again.

And you brought your--

- Husband.

- Sir, we're trying to sleep.

- Seriously, it doesn't feel like we're being that loud.

- You're being as loud as fuck. Right, Don?

- Uh, yes.

- You know, I hear voices out in the hallway.

I hear bumps from up above.

It's kind of the deal you make when you sleep at a hotel.

Hell, in New York, it's unavoidable.

It's called white noise. Surely, you understand that.

- Who? Me? - Both of you.

I know you what white noise is.

We used to have a white noise machine. Honey, you remember.

Lydia got me one to help me sleep.

I can handle white noise.

But what I have a problem with is white boy noise.

- White boy noise? Are you serious?

- You know. When white boys get together,

they don't give a fuck about anybody else.

They do what they want.

- Francis, we don't need to bring politics into this.

- Politics? This is overt racism.

- Oh no, what it is is a sense of entitlement.

- I paid for my room.

I'm entitled to hang out with my friends.

- Well, we paid for our room too and we're entitled

to a good night's rest.

- And you're seriously calling me on for being white?

You're white.

- I didn't call you out, she did.

- You're whiter than I am.

- I beg your pardon, I'm from Africa.

- South Africa.

- Oh, did you meet there in Africa?

- You know what? Shut the fuck up.

- What the fuck did you just say to me?

- I said shut the fuck up because those are the rules.

Shut the fuck up because everybody is sick and tired

of you bullying everybody in the world to get your way.

Shut the fuck up because I can call downstairs and complain.

- Oh well, you do that.

The general manager is a personal friend of mine.

- Oh, I don't give a fuck who he is.

I don't care if he's your personal catamite.

All I know, you wake me up one more time

and I'll have your ass thrown outta here.

- What a loser.

- Hey...

I'm not a loser.

I've got an associate degree in waste management.

- Don, let's go to bed.

- This is turning out to be a horrible night, you know that?

What's a catamite?

- A catamite is a young boy who is being kept

by an older man for sodomy.

Why do you know that?

- Well, believe it or not, we used to call each other that

in middle school because I didn't like to use

the F word.

- F word?

You mean faggot.

Oh yeah, I really hate that word.

- Of course you do.

- Well, catamite is still homophobic.

- You know what, I agree.

But I grew out of calling people that too.

I do think it's funny that she called you catamite though.

- That fat bitch can go fuck herself.

Why do you have to call her fat?

- Because she's fat.

- You don't think she knows that?

I'm sure she has image issues.

I'm sure she knows it.

What's the point?

- Yeah, it's like when you say a fat joke it's easy.

It's like low hanging fruit.

- Yeah, she should pick some low hanging fruit

and put down the fucking Doritos.

- You are such a dick.

- Suck my dick.

- It's like you're from another planet.

- You're from Planet Faggot.

Oh, I'm sorry, Planet Catamite.

- Oh, you're a dick too, huh?

- What, what, I didn't say it.

- No, but you laughed.

What's funny about homophobia or gay bashing?

You think getting killed just 'cause you're gay is funny?

- You can't equate laughing at something with a hate crime.

- Well, tell me what's funny about it.

- What? - The F word?

- Faggot? I don't know.

What, what are you trying to shame me?

- No.

- Just the way he said it it was dumb.

- Oh, it was insensitive.

It's just a word.

- No, you see, that's where you're wrong.

It's not just a word.

There's hundreds of years of hate and pain

attached to that word, Cam.

So, it's not a word for you to use.

- Whatever.

Let's hear it for the let's be positive pep club.

- You're mocking me because somehow being positive

is a bad thing?

- If you had just been a little more cutthroat,

things might've worked out a little better for you

at the firm.

- Oh really.

Oh, I see, that's what it takes to make it now...

...being heartless.

- You have to have balls.

Baxter has balls.

- Right on.

That's why you got the job, huh?

For your balls.

See, I don't think he hired you for what you have.

I think he hired you for what you lack.

Compassion.

- Compassion?

A man can have compassion and balls.

- Yeah, well, Baxter has a little too much compassion

but I'm working on it.

What do you mean?

Compassion is learned.

It's a product of guilt.

- God, here we go with this bullshit again.

- It's not bullshit.

You take away the buildings.

You take away the commerce.

You take away the illusion of control.

What are we but animals in the wilderness.

- You'd love a world like that wouldn't you, Cam?

Where you could just tear somebody's throat out

and leave their carcass in the middle of the street

for the wolves to come and devour in the night, huh?

No rules, no repercussions.

- You should, you should know this about Grant.

He thinks the universe

is this expanding ball of positive energy.

The more good vibes you send out,

the more good vibes will be sent back to you.

- He's making fun of me but I do happen to believe that.

- You know that iconic picture

of that little Vietnamese girl?

She's running down the road naked, naked from the napalm.

Yeah.

- There's some US GIs there, walking behind.

You know that photo?

- Yeah, I know that picture. It's devastating.

- That's the world we live in.

It's not a bunch of hippies with daisies in their hair

doing this, in a field.

The universe is aloof.

- See, I disagree.

I think people are basically good

and that's all that matters.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

You go low, we go high.

Hey, how'd that work out for you Hillary supporters?

- I voted for Bernie.

- That fucker voted for Jill Stein.

Did you order room service?

- He didn't even vote for Hillary.

He has the balls to bash Trump.

Well, I'm starving.

- Yeah, yeah, I ordered room service.

- Ow, fuck. - What's wrong?

I've got this back thing.

Hey, I need you.

I need a massage.

- What?

- I should order some hookers too. Might help me relax.

Have you fucked a prostitute?

- No.

- You should fuck a prostitute.

I'm sure Alice would love that.

- No, I'm serious.

I wanna make a call to this girl, Sasha.

Oh my God. She's fucking incredible.

- You have a prostitute on the side?

I've had her on the side but we prefer doggy style.

- Is she gorgeous?

- Oh, my fucking God. Make your jaw drop.

What's she look like?

- Tall, sultry, slight Eastern European accent.

She's built like a thoroughbred.

Also gives thorough head.

- Brunette?

- Blond.

You like brunettes, don't you?

Yeah, I do, I do.

I'm gonna invite her over, have her bring her friend Amber.

- What? No way.

- Why not? - I'm married.

- You cheat on Alice, right?

- That's not the point.

- Well, have you or haven't you?

- Once.

- Really, where, when?

- It was recently. It was in Chicago and...

You know, I don't wanna get into it.

- Ah, you got into it in Chicago, didn't you, old boy?

You nailed that shit. Was she hot?

I don't wanna talk about it.

- Ah, okay.

- Listen, that's gonna stay between you and me.

- You cheat on Alice. What do I care?

- I don't cheat.

I cheated once, one time.

No, you know,

I really think I'm gonna get outta here. I should go.

- You're not going anywhere.

- She doesn't like when I hang out with you anyway.

- I know. She hates me.

- How do you know that? - Because I know.

- Well, you're right.

- Alice hates everyone.

No, she doesn't.

- She's angry.

- She's not that angry.

- She blames her lack of success on the establishment.

And somehow she still has faith in it.

- You don't know what you're talking about.

- She's a typical liberal, Baxter.

The world isn't exactly the way she wants it to be

so she lashes out at it.

She's pissed about the election, right?

Yeah, she's pissed about that.

- Yeah, and you got into a fight, right?

- It was a disagreement. - A fight.

She's pissed and she took it out on you.

Trump won, and Trump's a dick, and Trump's a man,

and you're a man, so it's your fault.

- You know she said they're protesting tonight.

- Who's protesting? - The Democrats.

- When? - Tonight.

- Tonight? - Yes.

What are they protesting?

- Well, that's what I asked.

- Oh, fucking liberals. They're such idiots.

- She said she's actually going to the protest.

The man won fair and square. And now they're protesting?

- Yes.

They don't even see how hypocritically retarded

they're being.

For months they made such a big deal

that Trump had to concede peacefully when Hillary won.

Now they're protesting.

- Yup.

- Oh, I hope you own a gun.

- What?

A gun?

No.

- Well, why haven't you bought a gun?

- I don't need one.

Weren't you an Eagle Scout?

I was.

- Well, what was their fucking motto?

- Be prepared.

- Yeah, well, what do you think they meant by that?

- They didn't mean having an AK 47.

- Well, you're not gonna protect your family

with a Swiss army knife.

- There's not gonna be anarchy.

- Of course there is. There's already protests.

- But those are picket signs.

- Yeah, first picket signs then Molotov cocktails.

Then, coup d'etats, civil war, martial law.

Then the wild fucking west.

Be prepared.

What. Is that real?

Isn't that bad ass?

I feel like Clint Eastwood with this thing.

- Jesus, Cameron.

What the fuck?

What the fuck, man?

What the fuck?

Cameron!

- Tell me the truth.

Did you vote for Hillary or not?

- Get that fucking thing away from me.

Is that loaded?

- Course it's not loaded.

I'd never point a loaded gun at a conservative.

But you need to get a fucking gun.

- I need to fucking go home.

- Okay, hey, hey, hey.

Relax.

I had no idea you were so militant.

- Hey, anything can happen.

Civil war.

Hell, I'm not discounting a holy war.

Jesus, Cameron.

Have a little faith in people.

- Why?

Because people are good?

Contrary to popular opinion, they perform well in a crisis.

- Since when?

Oh, you mean 9/11?

- Yeah, 9/11. That's one example.

Chaos creates community.

Some people break windows and loot supermarkets

but most people are civilized. They don't want anarchy.

- Listen, I agree with you.

Much as I like anarchy,

it's probably not gonna happen in America.

Unfortunately.

- Unfortunately?

Trump is actually gonna bring stability to this country.

- How so?

- If Hillary had won, can you imagine

the flood of Syrian refugees across our borders?

There'd be a tsunami of little brown hungry people

with mustaches and headscarves planting bombs

all across the country.

- So the Syrian refugees are the enemies now?

- Well, they could be.

- Well, they're people and they're suffering.

- Let them suffer where they live.

- They don't have anywhere to live.

- Well, they can't live here, it's too risky.

- I had no idea you were this paranoid.

- It's not paranoia, it's common sense.

It's like stocking your refrigerator before a hurricane.

- There's a difference between a loaf of bread

and a fucking Uzi.

- Yeah, well when the supermarkets are being looted,

who do you think gets the loaf of bread?

- Who? - The guy with the Uzi.

Food.

Finally.

Fuck.

- Come on in. - Hey. Thanks.

Hey Baxter, food's here.

- And right here's okay? - Yeah, yeah. That's good.

How are you doing tonight?

- I'm good, sir, how are you?

- Good. Did you watch the election?

Oh yeah, we're watching it downstairs.

- Oh yeah, yeah? Hey where are you from?

Uh, Virginia.

- Oh yeah? What are you, are you going to school?

Yeah, I go to school at Columbia.

- Columbia?

Oh, I thought maybe that was where you were from.

- The country? You think I look like I'm from Columbia?

- Well, you look, uh, you know,

Central, South American, maybe.

That's uh, that's funny 'cause it looks like

you guys are using some of that Colombian product

at the moment.

- You want a bump?

- Really? - Sure.

You're not gonna report me are you?

- Long as you're a citizen.

That's funny.

I'm from Virginia, the Commonwealth.

I'm totally gonna do some of this right now, is that--

- I fucking love this guy.

He doesn't give a fuck.

So where are you from originally?

Virginia.

- No, I mean, what are your ethnic roots?

Oh, my parents are from Mexico.

- Oh, you're Mexican?

Oh, that's cool.

- Is it?

It's not really.

It's not really cool to be Mexican.

Cooler than being an Arab.

- Oh, yeah, okay, well, so being an Arab

is definitely worse than being a Mexican, you know.

- I'd say on the list from lowest to highest,

it's Arabs and then Mexicans are above that,

and then blacks are above that, and the whites at the top.

- What about the Jews?

- They're on the same as the blacks.

Yeah, same line.

- Oh, really? I'd put them above the whites.

Why?

- Well, 'cause they're the chosen people.

- No, they're not because there is no God.

No, the Jews are on the same line as the blacks.

I'd put the Asians on that line,

and then, Mexicans below them, Arabs at the bottom.

- Well, what about the Native Americans?

- Oh fuck, they're not even on the list.

You're Jewish, right?

- My dad was Jewish.

- Oh well, you're not a Jew in their eyes.

- I don't identify as a Jew.

- Well, what do you identify as?

- I don't know, Cameron.

And this guy probably needs to go back to work.

- Oh no, I can take a break.

- This guy's having a great time.

He's doing blow, yeah.

You know, even if you wanted to identify as a Jew,

they wouldn't have you because of your mother.

- What's your mother? - Irish.

- Yeah, you can't be a Jew and have an Irish mother.

The Irish and the Jews hate each other, don't they?

I don't know, Cameron.

- Oh, the Shiites hate the Sunnis

and the Sunnis hate the Shiites.

The Hutus hate the Tootsies.

The Muslims hate the Jews

and the Jews hate the Muslims and que sera sera.

It was like that before Trump got there

and it'll be like that when he leaves office.

Everyone thinks that Trump created racism

but he just acknowledged something

that everyone already knew.

- What's that?

That people are tribal.

Que sera sera. That's Spanish, right?

- I thought it was Italian.

- Can I do another line?

- Oh yeah, yeah, sure.

Hey, hey set up some tequila.

You want a little tequila ah?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Hey, you know it, man. Because I'm a Mexican, right?

- That's the great thing about drugs. They're universal.

You don't need to speak the language.

When you pass around the Thai Stick everyone bonds.

You know, if the Pilgrims and the Indians

had had cocaine instead of turkey,

things might've worked out differently for the Indians.

- I doubt it.

- Nah, you're right, it was destiny.

It was genocide.

- Oh, yeah, sometimes you need a little genocide

to restore balance in the universe.

- Is that so? - Yeah.

It's humanity's version of a forest fire.

You know, nature destroys itself to rebuild itself.

That's why genocide is accepted universally.

- What's your point?

- My point is, that when a forest regrows,

nobody cares about the fire that wiped it out.

You know?

I mean people live in the present.

They don't remember the past.

- They don't think too much about the future either.

- If Trump builds a wall, people will remember.

- Well, yeah, because it'll be there to remind them.

Like your wedding ring.

Yeah, yeah, I suppose so.

Hey what do you think about that?

- What?

Trump building a wall.

- I don't care if he builds a wall.

Interesting.

You're Mexican but you don't care if he builds a wall?

Dude, I don't care if he builds a fortress around America.

I don't care if he isolates us from the rest of the world.

You know, actually, I kind of hope he does.

Interesting. Why?

That way he won't be poking his fingers into world affairs.

That way, he could focus on domestic issues.

- You don't care what he does?

- As long as he doesn't start another war like George W.

Yeah, I guess I don't care.

You don't care if he lowers taxes on the super wealthy?

- Why would I care? It's not gonna affect me.

I don't have any money.

- How do you go to Columbia if you don't have any money?

- Got a scholarship.

Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Could I have a slice of your pizza?

Yeah, yeah, sure, it's pepperoni.

- Hello.

I called your room at two a.m. in Chicago.

- What? - Two a.m. on your trip.

You didn't answer.

You remember what you told me?

What are you talking about?

- You said the same thing.

You're having a burger.

- Well, this time I'm really having a burger.

- This time?

I was really having a burger then too.

- You see, I can tell you're lying to me.

Why are you so angry?

- Because you're lying to me.

- Alice, I know you're upset but we went through this

when Bush got re-elected.

But the second term wasn't so bad.

Remember, he fired Rumsfeld--

Baxter, shut up. I'm tired of you mansplaining things to me.

Mansplaining? What the fuck is mansplaining?

- What the fuck do you think it is?

- I have no idea.

Mansplaining is when a man explains

how things are to a woman.

- There's a term for that?

- Of course there is.

So I can't explain anything to a woman

because I have a dick?

- That's fucking right.

- This is the end of man. Cameron is right.

- Cameron?

You're not hanging out with that fucking asshole are you?

- No, I'm not.

- Are you? - I'm not.

- Because you're not allowed to hang out with him anymore.

- I'm not allowed to?

- Yes, precisely. You can't see him.

- I can't see Cameron.

- There's a moratorium on Cameron.

There's a moratorium on Cameron?

Jesus.

- I don't like that angry motherfucker.

- He's not angry tonight, I can tell you that.

- You are with him.

- You know what? I am.

- Get your ass home now.

- You told me I could stay out as late as I want tonight.

- Well, not anymore. Come home now.

- You can't do that, Alice.

- Can't do what? - Give me orders.

I'll give you orders and you will follow them, mister.

- Mister?

- The girls need you.

- The girls are asleep.

- I need you.

- Well, you know why Hillary lost?

That's your answer right there.

- What do you mean?

- You're all too needy.

Alice, listen, I didn't mean that.

- Don't come home tonight.

- Actually, no, man. I gotta get outta here.

Thanks for the coke and the pizza, man.

- Do you mind if I ask who'd you vote for?

- I didn't vote.

Well, who'd you wanna win?

- I mean, I guess it woulda been cool

to have a woman president.

- So, you wanted Hillary to win?

I mean, kind of.

- Yeah. Why didn't you vote?

- I didn't see the point.

- Well, you voted for Trump, you know.

- No, I said I didn't vote.

- You did. By not voting, you voted.

- No, most of my friends didn't vote.

- Yeah, well maybe you should have a little more respect

for our government.

- Well, I think governments are bloated and wasteful.

Thanks again, man.

- Can I crash here tonight?

- You and Alice are fighting?

I don't wanna get into it.

You never imagined it, a life untethered,

your own place, no obligation?

I've got two kids.

- Oh, lots of people are divorced with kids.

You pay child support. You see 'em on the weekends.

The rest of the time, you do what you want.

No curfews, no drink limits.

No more endless whining about this and that.

Julie and I fought for years.

Seemed like we were going to battle

over something every day.

What film we watched, what we ate, how we spent our money.

We couldn't agree on anything.

- Oh, you mean, she didn't think

your obsession with firearms was a practical investment?

I had to hide them from her.

- Of course, you did.

- Tell ya, gridlock on everything between us.

Eventually, we just stopped talking.

- That's sad. - It is sad.

We were very much in love once.

You know how long it's been since we fucked?

- No. - You wanna know?

- No. - Five years.

- That's a long time.

- Remember the last time we made love too.

We'd gone to see this movie Bridesmaids.

Did you ever see that movie Bridesmaids?

No.

It's a it's a fucking funny movie.

I tell you, I fucking hate movies.

I hate Hollywood.

I hate everything about those elitist Hollywood phonies

with their self-congratulatory pageantry

and self-important speeches.

But this movie,

this movie made me laugh.

Anyway, after the movie we went back to our house.

Tore each other's clothes off.

We fucked.

Like crazy.

And the next morning we got into a fight about

something, I can't even remember.

I was a lot less nervous back then.

Was a lot more relaxed.

What's up?

You got plans tonight?

I'm with a friend.

I need you to come.

I don't know if I'm in the mood tonight.

Sasha, please.

I told you I'm with a friend.

- Great. Bring her along.

No, what, you want a threesome?

- No, I'm with a friend too.

He could use the company.

Well, I mean, I could ask her.

But she's in a weird mood.

I'll pay you double what I normally pay.

Double? Really?

Yeah, your friend too.

Oh, is she hot?

Yes. You've actually seen her.

I've shown you a picture of her one night.

'Cause I wanna meet her.

She's an attractive girl. You both are.

Oh, thank you, Cameron.

And you're also very...

I've always liked the color of your hair.

When can you get here?

We'll see you soon.

You guys don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

You don't know what you're talking about.

You don't know what you're talking about.

You don't know what you're talking about.

You don't know what you're talking about.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, Amber, are you okay?

- No, I'm not okay. These people are happy Trump won.

- Oh God.

- We aren't happy that Trump won.

We are happy that Hillary lost.

- Oh, what's the fucking difference?

It's only four years.

It's going to feel like four decades.

- You wanna do a job with me?

- What kind of a job? - A gig.

- Like, sex? - Yeah.

- What? Tonight? - Yeah.

Who is it?

- It's a client. What do you care?

- What, he wants two women?

He's got a friend.

- No, I don't think I can tonight.

- It's three grand.

- $3000?

- Yeah.

- Really, each?

- Yeah. Wanna do it?

- I don't, I just wanna go home.

I feel nauseous.

- It's easy money.

- Is it easy money though?

- $3000 for two hours? Yes.

- I need to get a real job, like in a store.

- You'd be happier working in a store?

- Yeah I would.

I need to do something that I can talk to my mother about.

I can't tell her I have sex for a living.

- Why not?

- Because she'll lecture me.

But she'd be cool with it, if you were working at Best Buy?

- I'm not talking about Best Buy.

Like, like, like, a real profession,

like a physician's assistant or a dental assistant.

- Assistant? Why not the physician? Why not the dentist?

- You see, my self-worth is so diminished,

I can't even see myself at the top of the profession.

I can only see myself as an assistant

to the top of the profession.

- You're in a real profession now.

- Some profession.

- It's the oldest profession in the world.

- 'Cause women weren't given other options.

Men wouldn't let them in.

It is not men's fault that you do what you do.

- It's actually my mother's fault.

- Really, how?

- She never encouraged me to make anything of myself.

- Oh you would've rather that she forced you

to do something you didn't wanna do?

- In retrospect yes.

- You wouldn't have wanted that, trust me.

- She gave me too much freedom.

She let me drink when I was a teenager.

She let me fuck guys in the house.

She let me smoke pot.

One time, I actually fucked her boyfriend in my bedroom,

stoned off her weed, and she didn't even care.

- She didn't care that you fucked her boyfriend?

- Well, maybe she didn't know that it was her boyfriend

but weed and fucking were generally allowed.

- Wow, not in my house.

She's like the gateway of all my irresponsible behavior

and now she has the nerve to judge me.

- If we're gonna do this, we should go.

- Let's have one more drink.

Okay, but I'm calling a car.

- Let's like start a business.

What kinda business?

- Let's like, design a brand of vodka

and just sell it, you know, like the rappers do.

- You think it's that easy? - We should do something.

We should, we should design a new product.

- Like what?

- I don't know, like a new Q-tip.

What's wrong with the Q-tips we have now?

- All I'm saying is that there has to be

some kinda awesome product out there that we could market.

I mean, there are so many fucking dumb ass millionaires,

why don't we get in on the action?

- Do it. You should do it. Get in on the action.

- I should. I should do a lotta things.

But I don't do anything.

Sit around on the couch all day

and then I go to work and sit on dicks.

Seriously, Sasha. Is this it?

Is this all I have to look forward to the rest of my life?

Crusty old man who want me to pee on them?

You're not going to have to do this the rest of your life.

Trust me.

- How do you know?

- Because crusty old men don't wanna be peed on

by crusty old women.

- Then what am I supposed to do

when I'm a crusty old woman?

- I don't know, marry a crusty old man with money.

- Ooh, no.

Being a trophy wife to some psychotic old millionaire

is worse than being a whore.

- Is it?

- Yes.

Because it enables all their psychotic behavior.

- We created Trump. - No, we didn't.

- Sasha, don't you feel terrible?

- It's gonna be fine. - No, no, about what we do.

- You don't feel like a loser?

- Why does having sex for money make you feel like a loser?

- It's just not something I'm proud of.

- Look around.

You've got more freedom than anyone at this bar

and you're about to make in two hours

what most of these people make in a week.

- Yeah, well, two hours can feel like two weeks.

Anyway, the thought of doing it on a night like this,

just feels gross.

Seriously I don't think I can do it.

Then don't do it. I'll call Sally.

- No, fuck that bitch.

So we're gonna have like an orgy?

I don't know, Amber.

What if they want us to go down on each other?

I don't mind going down on you.

Well, what if I have to go down on you?

Then you go down on me. You've done that before.

Well, sure, but not with you.

Okay.

Don't you think it might put a strain on our relationship?

Not if you're not weird about it.

- I mean, is it really worth

jeopardizing our relationship for $3000?

- If you don't wanna go down on me, don't go down on me.

- Oh, think I'd rather that than have a cock in my mouth.

Oh, in general or just tonight?

- I'm not sure.

I may be done with men at this point.

- This asshole just canceled.

- Uh!

Fuck this shit.

Taxi!

You coming or not?

- Will he have drugs? - Yes.

- Cocaine? - Yes.

- Okay, I'll go.

21 Morgan Street.

You're gonna have fun.

They're sweet.

- You don't feel ashamed at all by what we do?

- Can we stop talking about this? I told you I don't.

- I don't believe you.

- Why would I lie?

- You don't feel like it's a betrayal?

- A betrayal?

- Yeah, like, like what we do, like it sullies the gender,

it just cheapens women.

- Amber.

I feel like women all over this country are brainwashed.

- How are they brainwashed?

- Like, like, tonight more than ever,

we need to empower women.

- Okay, but what does that have to do

with being brainwashed?

- We just need to stop allowing ourselves

to be sexualized in everything, in magazines, movies, films.

Everything's about our bodies and our fuckability.

I'm sick of that shit.

- What we do has nothing to do with the culture.

This is a vocation.

How much money did you make last year?

- Couple hundred thousand dollars.

- That's pretty good.

- I know, what am I complaining about?

- Did you tell your mother how much money you make?

- No. - Why not?

- She'd ask me for money.

- Okay. But you made a lot of money.

- Yeah. - Isn't that empowering?

- I guess so. Why, how much did you make?

- 500,000. - Fuck. Really?

Yeah.

Well, you work a lot more than I do.

And do you wanna talk empowerment?

I bought a six-acre mountain home in Colorado.

- You did? I love Colorado.

- I paid cash. - What?

- And you wanna hear something else empowering?

I also have a villa in France.

- You have a villa in France?

- It's not really a villa.

- You just said it was a villa.

- Well, it's more of a shack.

It's pretty shitty actually.

But when I fix it up, it's gonna be gorgeous.

Where in France?

- Nice.

- Nice?

- Nice.

- Nice!!!

Man, I need to get my shit together.

I make all this money and all I have to show for it

is a sofa.

- A sofa? - Yeah.

- Why, what'd you pay for it?

- $40,000. - $40,000? Is it an antique?

- No.

- Did something historic happen on it?

- Historic?

- Yeah, did someone famous die on the sofa?

- Ew, no.

- Did someone famous fuck on the sofa?

- Gross, no.

- Is there a famous stain on the sofa

like blood or sperm?

- What the fuck are you talking about?

- I'm talking about, like,

is Elvis Presley's sperm on the couch?

Like is there a famous sperm or shit stain on this couch?

- Why would there be an Elvis Presley shit stain

on the couch?

- Because you paid $40,000 for it?

- Wow, you really think an Elvis Presley shit stain

would make a couch go up in value?

- I don't know, Amber.

- Geez, what kinda idiot would pay $40,000

for a couch with a shit stain on it?

- What kind of an idiot pays $40,000 for a couch, period?

- I did.

- Then, you're an idiot.

- I know.

Where are we going? Are we almost there?

- Do you know which way we're going, driver?

- Yes, I'm taking you.

- What's wrong with your meter? Is it broken?

Yeah, but you pay me when we get there, don't worry.

Okay, but I just feel like you're taking the long way.

- No, no, this is less traffic, believe me.

Okay, thank you.

- So, you two have dates tonight?

You could say that.

- Ah, these are lucky men.

Yes, they are.

- You both look so beautiful.

- Thank you. - Thanks.

Can I ask you a question?

- Isn't it policy for you to not speak

until we speak to you?

- Yes, I'm sorry, you're right.

It's just, you both seem like "real people."

- What do you mean by real people?

- Honest. You both seem really honest.

But it's okay. I will leave you alone.

- Oh, well, thanks, that's sweet.

- What's your question?

You're both sex workers, right?

- Yes.

- You should stop what you're doing.

- That's not a question. - Why should we stop?

- Because this is not a good job for you.

Well, that's your opinion.

- Well, in my country, sex is sacred.

- Sex is not sacred.

Well, that is my opinion.

- Sex is sex. Money is money.

- Look, you should just keep your eyes on the road

and not keep looking at us in the rear view.

I'm sorry.

- Is that a picture of your wife?

Yes.

You're a Muslim?

Yes.

And you make her cover her head?

No, I don't make her.

- Oh, she chooses to cover it?

- Yes. - Oh.

And why does she cover her head?

The great Prophet Muhammad said all women

must cover their heads.

- Oh, Muhammad, a man says all women

must cover their heads, ugh.

Yes.

- And what would happen if she didn't cover her head?

- If a woman wants to wear it, she's allowed to wear it.

- What about all the millions of women

who don't wanna wear it?

- Yeah, or the women who are beaten if they're not covered?

- Yeah, or the women who have to submit

to virginity tests--

- Or female circumcision--

- Or honor killings? - It's disgusting.

- Look, I don't believe in any of this.

- Come on, if your wife refused to cover her head

you'd be furious.

- Look, if my wife is a Muslim person,

she must cover her head. That's it.

Oh, because of the fucking Koran.

- Yes and please don't disrespect my religion like that.

- Disrespect?

- Islamic countries are incredibly disrespectful to women.

- That's true.

- You cannot talk to me like that in my car.

- Yeah, we can actually.

Here, we have the freedom to criticize

whatever the fuck we want.

That is true as Americans.

We can criticize the President, Christianity.

- Judaism. - Fucking Islam.

- Scientology.

- In fact, if it weren't for this right,

most Americans wouldn't have anything to talk about.

- In your country, in Muslim countries,

no one can criticize anything, in fact.

You force people to worship out of fear.

- All right, that's it, I'm pulling over.

- Oh, you're pulling over? - You both get out right now.

Get out.

Get out, both of you are whores.

- What do you mean?

- You can go and die in fucking hell. Get out of my car!

- You can't stop the ride in the middle of the

- We're not getting out. - What is happening?

- I'm not getting out either. - No, not getting out.

- No. I'm not getting out. - Get out of my car.

I'm not getting out.

How dare you disrespect my prophet?

- We're gonna report you to like, the mayor.

- What is your badge number? - Get out of my car!

- What is that called? What is your medallion number?

- Get out of my car!

- What is your-- - Just get out, just get out.

- We're leaving.

We're leaving. - Out.

We're gonna report you.

- That's right, go call the cops.

- You're gonna lose your license.

- Get outta here.

- Wait, wait. Where's my phone?

- 86Z5.

I don't care.

- 86Z5, we're gonna report you.

- You're a real asshole, sir.

Have a good night.

- God.

- Unbelievable. - God bless America.

- Unbelievable.

You fucking terrorist piece of shit!

- Okay well, now that's going too far.

You have got to pull yourself together.

You are so emotional.

What is wrong with being emotional on a night like this?

We just can't go over there with you acting like this.

Are you on your period?

- What? No.

I'm not on my period.

Can't a girl freak out without being on her period?

And honestly if Hillary Clinton had been on her period

and been more emotional, maybe she woulda won.

Instead, she acted stoic to avoid being called emotional

because heaven forbid we have someone

who emits authentic feelings.

Amber, make a deal with me.

What?

Let's have fun tonight.

- Fun? How can you have fun on a night like this?

- You should always have fun no matter what.

Sasha.

- I know the world sucks.

And it might get worse before it gets better,

so let's just forget all the horrible things

that might happen over the next four years,

and let go.

- And what good would that do?

It'll get you through the night.

Okay, but you make a deal with me.

What?

- If these guys disrespect us, we get the hell outta there.

- Disrespect us how?

- Like if they talk down to us and act like frat boys.

- Amber, it's $3000.

- Oh my God. How many houses do you need, Sasha?

- I like owning property.

- Yeah, I want a mountain home in Colorado too.

- Then stop buying furniture.

- Let's go.

- Where?

- To Colorado. Just you and me.

- What is this, Of Mice and Men?

- I'm serious.

- Do you want me to tell you about the rabbits?

- I'm serious, I wanna go.

- Okay.

- Let's go, like, tomorrow. And let's go to France.

- Do you wanna go to Colorado or do you wanna go to France?

- Let's go to both. I just wanna get the fuck out

of this fascist right wing country.

I'm serious.

If these guys objectify us in any way, I'm leaving.

- Objectify us? Isn't that the whole point?

We are literally sex objects.

- Okay, but you know, look, I mean,

that Muslim guy was a dick

but at least he said we were "real people."

I mean, that was sweet.

Oh God. Maybe I was too hard on him.

Besides, headscarves are kind of sexy.

- Do we have a deal? Fun at all costs.

Yes. But if they act like gross frat boys, we leave.

Agreed.

- Wake up. Hey.

The whores are here.

- What? The whores are here?

- Get up. Pull yourself together.

- Are you joking? - No.

- It's time to sleep.

- It's time to sleep with women.

- What's going on here? - Sex, Baxter. Sex.

- Hi gorgeous. - Hi.

- Oh, talk about gorgeous.

Look at this. - Hi.

- I want you to meet, Baxter.

- Hi, I'm Sasha. - That's Sasha.

And that's Amber.

It's so nice to meet you.

Ooh.

- Aren't they gorgeous? - Yes.

- And isn't Baxter handsome? - Yes.

Very handsome, you both are.

- What would you like?

We got scotch. - This place is gorgeous.

- We got vodka. - I love this.

- We got tequila. - Um...

We got wine.

Baxter's a scotch drinker. - I think...

I like scotch.

- I'll probably have a glass of red wine, please.

Mmm, we got it.

Uh, Baxter, do me a solid and open this.

Uh,...

Baxter?

Baxter.

Hey, what are you doing?

- Cameron, I have to go.

- What? Are you crazy? Did you see those girls?

- Yes.

- They're fucking beautiful.

- They're fucking gorgeous.

- I got that brunette for you.

- I appreciate that.

- You don't like her?

- No, are you kidding?

She reminds me of my high school crush Debbie Anderson.

- Debbie Anderson. What happened to her?

- She married Teddy Morrison.

- But you wanted her?

- Are you kidding? Of course.

I still jerk off to her.

- Did you ever bang her?

- No, I never even made out with her.

- Well, tonight's your chance.

I can't.

- We've got them for two hours.

- Cameron, I'm not like you.

I have a family to think about.

- Well, think about feeding them.

Because you need to show me a lot more

than you showed me tonight.

- What does that mean?!?

What the fuck do you think it means?

Everything all right?

- Sorry, Baxter's wrestling with his conscience.

Uh, Baxter.

Here let me take that from you.

You okay?

- Yeah, it's been a long night.

Oh.

- Well, it's been a long year.

So let's fucking party!

Woo!

- Why don't you two get into something more comfortable.

- What did you have in mind?

- Well, you got any lingerie?

You know I'm always prepared.

- Baxter loves lingerie.

- Don't you? - Do you, Baxter?

- Yeah, I love lingerie.

Baxter loves lingerie.

All right, we'll be right back.

Why don't you guys take your clothes off.

- Oh good idea.

- Oh, my God. They're so fucking hot.

- So fucking hot!

- This is like a dream.

It is a dream.

- Oh shit. It's Alice.

Don't you dare answer that.

- I have to.

- Motherfucker. You're gonna ruin everything.

- I don't want to.

- If you answer that, you're gonna ruin it.

- I have to answer it.

She told you not to come home.

Give me that.

There.

Now take your fucking pants off.

- Holy shit. Now I'm feeling guilty.

- Motherfucker, Baxter.

Guilt is just a bullshit concept

created by the Catholic Church and the Jews.

- I need to be responsible.

- Oh, fuck responsibility!

You work!

You take care of your wife.

You take care of your daughters.

You give them what they need.

- Well, they're a little too needy in my opinion.

- Well, that's why you've gotta think

about your own needs sometimes, right?

- Do you think?

- I know.

- Okay.

- You wanna fuck?

- Well, I, I think I do.

- Yes or no.

Do you wanna fuck?

- Yes I do!

Yes!

- You okay with this?

- Totally. I'm a professional.

- Okay, and I think he's gonna be quite conservative,

like nothing to kinky.

- Listen to me.

Those women are ours for the next two hours

and they'll let us do whatever we want with them.

- Really, whatever we want?

- Anything.

- Blow jobs?

- Of course.

- Hand jobs?

- Well, if they're gonna give us blow jobs,

why wouldn't they give us hand jobs?

- Well, I guess they would.

- Think about what you're asking.

- Yeah, you're right.

- Blow jobs, hand jobs, rim jobs.

Steve Jobs. Any kind of jobs you want.

We could even switch.

- Switch? What do you mean?

- Have you ever fucked two girls in the same night?

- I've never fucked two girls in the same month.

- Should I wear this crotchless one?

It's like a one piece.

- Oh, did you bring two?

- No.

- What about anal? - Are you into anal?

- Well, I used to be.

- Alice won't let you do that.

- She says it's degrading.

- It's degrading because she's been brainwashed

into thinking it's degrading

by her fucking feminist friends.

- My God, those girls are so fucking hot.

- So fucking hot.

There are two assholes in that bathroom

that you can fuck tonight.

- Yeah?

- There are two vaginas in that bathroom...

there are two mouths that you can fuck.

- Oh my God. Their mouths are so gorgeous.

- So fucking gorgeous.

- What if they have sores? - What do you mean?

Like sores in their mouths...

...like canker sores or herpes sores?

- I don't give a fuck.

I'll pop those canker sores with my dick.

Those girls can have syphilis,

hepatitis ABC down to Z.

They can have hepatitis for every letter of the alphabet.

I don't give a fuck.

- We better use protection, though.

- I'm already wearing a condom.

- Is it a strong condom?

- Not made of steel but it'll do the job.

- It's still risky.

- Oh, don't be a pussy.

Fuck that pussy.

- I'm sure they're clean.

- I don't care if they share needles with Charlie Sheen.

I'd let these bitches shit in my mouth.

- Oh my God. We're being so terrible.

- What's so terrible about this?

- Baxter, fuck I've got two daughters.

- Generals have daughters, sons,

and they give orders that send bombs

that kill thousands of people.

We are doing nothing wrong.

- You think?

- Repeat after me. We are doing nothing wrong.

- I know this is wrong.

- Why?

- You know why, Alice.

- You already cheated. You told me so yourself.

You bopped that bimbo in Chicago.

- I should not have told you that.

- What's the big deal?

Nobody knows about that and they don't know about this.

- I mean, I guess you're right.

If nobody knows about it then--

- It didn't happen.

- Let me give you an inventory of everything tonight,

just in case you didn't hear me.

Two mouths, two assholes, two vaginas.

That's six holes all for the taking.

You fuck each of those holes three times,

it's like playing a round of golf.

- Right? - Oh my God.

I can't believe I'm laughing at this.

- We're being terrible! - It's just two guys talking.

You know, we're not killing anybody.

We're not raping anybody.

Do you know what this is? It's locker room talk.

- Locker room talk. Yeah!

They have their book clubs. They have their knitting clubs.

They have their Margarita Wednesdays, right?

I don't give a fuck what they say,

what they do, where they shop.

And there's no reason you should feel guilty about this.

You're right.

- You feel me? - I feel you!

- No, no, no, feel me. Feel my dick.

- Oh.

- That shit is hard as fuck.

- God, it is hard.

You have a nice size dick.

- Fuckin' A right.

- And it's warm.

- It's hot as a fucking curling iron.

- Is your dick hot? - My dick's hot as fuck.

- Is it hard as fuck?

- It's hard as fuck. - Let me feel that dick.

Let me feel that hot, hard...

Oh my.

You got a fat dick.

- My dick's fat as fuck.

- No wonder Alice won't let you butt fuck her.

- I think I deserve it. - Of course you do.

- You're entitled to it, it's yours.

- She doesn't think so. - Oh, fuck Alice!

Trying to control you.

Tell you what to do and fuck Julie!

- And then fuck 'em all! - Fuck them!

- They're just hung up about their own sexuality.

You know, fuck 'em.

- Fuck them!

- It's a man's world!!!

- Say it again!

- It's a man's world! - Woo!

- Woo hoo!

- We're gonna go.

- Oh, really, why?

- We have to get up early in the morning.

- Yeah, we booked a round of golf.

- Yeah, 18 holes.

- Oh, you, you, you were, you were listening.

- Yep.

We both have two ears.

- You wanna fuck those too?

- Oh, come on. That didn't really bother you?

Hey.

- Of course it did.

- Well, wait a minute, no, wait a minute.

You're really leaving?

Yes.

Because of what we said?

- It's disgusting.

- It's locker room talk.

- Really? - Locker room talk.

- It's what guys do.

You do it too.

- I'm really disappointed in you.

- Oh, I don't get it, because of words?

They're words. They mean nothing.

- Is this really how men talk about women?

No, wait a minute.

So I can cum in your face

but I can't talk about cumming in your face?

- I really thought you had more respect for me.

- Why would I have respect for you?

You don't respect yourself, neither of you.

If you did, you wouldn't be whores.

- Wow. - These guys are losers.

- Wait, wait, wait.

Losers, us?

I just paid you $5000 to chug our cocks.

- Oh you know what?

Here, you can have it back.

- I don't want it back.

No, no, I want you to chug our cocks.

- Chug each other's cocks.

- What do you got scruples, now?

Take off that red dress.

I am gonna fuck your ass, Sasha.

- How are you gonna fuck it?

You can't get it up.

- I am rock hard.

- Oh, did you take your little pill?

He can't get it up unless he takes a pill

but most of the time it doesn't work, does it?

- Fuck you.

- You slut. - Cameron.

- Oh, geez, this is the future, huh?

- Hey, hey whore number two.

- Show me your tits. - Come on.

- What is wrong with you?

- I'll give you a thousand bucks.

Show me your tits.

- Cameron, that's enough. - Show me your pussy.

$2000 you show me your cunt.

- I mean, should we?

- $3000! - Cameron!

- Shut up! - Enough!

- $3000! Show Baxter your pussy!

- Come on, Amber.

- But, I mean, it's just showing.

- Cut it out. - What?

- What's wrong with you?

- Fucking women, you know?

Baxter.

Baxter, answer the phone.

Baxter!

Baxter, can you hear me?

- What?

- Baxter, answer the phone.

- Baxter? - Alice?

- Oh shit.

- What, Alice?

You were listening?

We were, we were just acting.

Alice?

Alice, Alice.

- Fuck.

- Oh my God, did she fucking hear all that?

What the fuck?

- I've gotta go, gotta go.

Oh shit.

- What are you doing?

What, you're not going, are you?

I mean, it doesn't change any...

Where the fuck are you going?

Yeah, go home to your wife, Baxter!

You fucking pussy.

Yeah, go back to your wife, Baxter!

Your wife is...

Fuck!

Don't do, don't do, don't do that!

Don't.

Regulations!

Fucking regulations.

Fuck!

Fuck!

Oh, fuck me.

Fucking...

...bitches!

Sluts!

Fucking cunts!

The fuck do they think?

Pulling that shit with me.

You're not free from the moment you're fucking born.

You trying to take my fucking freedom away?

You fucking cunt!

Why'd you...fuck me?

None of us are fucking free from the moment we're born.

Fucking cunts!

Fuck.

Fuck, you, oh, fuck...

Fucking hell.

Fucking...

Fucking cunts.

God damn it, none of us are fucking free,

not a moment in our fucking lives.

It's lost it's fucking taste.

Fucking bitch!

God...

You slut!

Fucking, who's the fucking.

You, fucking...

Oh yeah.

Ah.

Fuck.

Fucking slut.

God.

You fucking asshole, you.

You fucking bitch.

Fucking cunt.

- Hello, Mr. Talon.

- Who the fuck are you?

- We've received some noise complaints from this room.

- I had the TV on. I'm going to bed now.

- Actually, it's time for you to leave the hotel.

I'm fine, I'm...

What?

- Yeah, you can't stay with us any longer.

- Well, you can't kick me out

for a couple of fucking noise complaints.

- Actually people have been complaining since you got here.

- Who?

- Other guests, front desk, staff.

- Since when?

- Since day one. You've been abusive and disruptive.

- It's my room.

I can be disruptive as much as I want.

I can be fucking disruptive with you right now

if you want.

I'm just fucking kidding.

I paid for it, so.

- Yeah about that.

You're about two months behind on what you owe us.

- So we can actually evict you at this point.

- Oh fuck. Kirk. You talked to Kirk.

My fucking accountant. He's a fucking pansy.

He fucking got the wire transfer

and he fucked up the numbers.

I'll take care of it next week.

- You were supposed to take care of it last week

and the week before that.

- Oh, Kirk and I have an arrangement.

- Yeah, I just got off the phone with him

and he said you have to leave.

Oh yeah?

I'm not going anywhere.

- And I see you're doing drugs.

- This is Adderall.

- Doesn't look like Adderall.

- I have ADHD.

- Yeah, looks like the set of Scarface.

- You're happy to sample.

No, thanks.

- Hmm, that's right.

Crack is the drug of your people, right?

Okay, Andy, Ben, why don't you help Mr. Talon with his bags.

- They can do whatever the fuck they want.

I don't give a fuck.

- Yeah, I can see that.

- The world is coming to an end.

- Well, when it does you'll be staying someplace else.

- Maybe.

But...

...maybe not.

- What the fuck? - Yeah, what the fuck?

Fuck.

Huh?

You taking my money?

You taking my fucking money?

- Okay, this guy is crazy.

- What did you fucking say?

I'm not crazy.

Everybody else is fucking crazy.

- Guys, guys, hey, come over here.

Get outta here. Let's go.

Should we clear the the entire building?

Why would we do that?

Because he's got a gun in there.

- That's not a good enough reason

to clear the entire building.

Ted Nugent was here last week.

He had four rifles with him.

- Why don't we just pull the fire alarm

and we can clear the whole building faster?

- Yeah. - Are you fucking stupid?

Do you know how many people that would piss off?

Just calm down.

- What if he does something crazy?

- Okay, I'm gonna go talk to him.

- No, no, no.

I'm not letting you go in there with that guy.

- Why not, because I'm a woman?

- No, because it's dangerous.

- If I were a dude, I don't think you'd be worried

about me being in danger.

- Let me deal with him.

- What? Mrs. Jones, it's fine.

Go back to sleep, it's under control.

- It is? - Yeah, is it?

- Stop undermining me.

- I can deal with that cracker ass.

- Don't call him a cracker. Come on, that's lame.

- Lame? What would you call him?

- I'd call him a highly sensitive Caucasian...

...psycho.

- Aw, you don't need to call him a Caucasian psycho.

- He's a cracker. - That's extreme.

- Why is it suddenly cool to shit at all over white guys?

- Yes! - Quiet down. Let me think.

- Let's all go in together.

Black power, God damn it.

We'll fuck his shit up!

He has a gun.

- A gun? Oh, hell no.

What's with all the noise?

- It's fine, go back to sleep.

- Okay. - He's got a gun.

- I don't give a fuck, I'm exhausted.

Please record your message.

When you finish, you may hang up or press star.

- Julie...

It's me.

- Can you call me when you get a...

...when you get a chance?

I can do whatever I want.

It's irresponsible.

- I'm just gonna pull the fire alarm.

- No.

- Yes, will someone pull the fire alarm?

- Someone should call the police.

- Fuck the police.

- Okay, you see. That's what's wrong with this country.

- There is a crazy man in there

and we're doing nothing about it.

- Okay, but he is a human being, not a monster.

You guys are making the situation worse.

- We should all get the fuck outta here.

Okay, that's not necessary.

- We should all get the fuck outta here actually.

Will you please tell us what's going on?

- Everyone, thank you very much for your concern!

Uh, there is no problem.

You can quiet down and return to your hotel rooms.

- Actually, there's a guy in this room

with a nose full of coke and a gun!

- Jesus Christ! We're all gonna die!

We're all gonna die!!!

- We're all fucked. - We're all gonna die!

Pack your shit. Get the fuck outta here.

- Oh, ah!

- Fucker!

What the fuck?