Original subtitles

[theme music playing]

♪Love ♪

♪Love, exciting and new ♪

♪Come aboard ♪

♪We're expecting you ♪

♪And love ♪

♪Love is Life's sweetest reward ♪

♪Let it flow ♪

♪It floats back to you ♪

♪The Love Boat ♪

♪Soon will be making Another run ♪

♪The Love Boat ♪

♪Promises something For everyone ♪

♪Set a course For adventure ♪

♪Your mind On a new romance ♪

♪And love ♪

♪Love won't hurt anymore ♪

♪It's an open smile ♪

♪On a friendly shore ♪

♪The Love Boat ♪

♪Soon will be making Another run ♪

♪Welcome aboard It's love ♪

♪Welcome aboard It's love ♪

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today, in the sight of God,

to join this man and this woman in the bonds of holy matrimony...

Emily, are you okay?

I just love weddings.

And this one just reminds me so much of mine and your father's.

Except for the roses, of course. And the palm trees.

And the fact that we were married on the ship.

Come to think of it, it's not the same at all, is it?

They love each other. And we love each other. It's exactly the same.

[minister] Would you join hands, please.

Do you, Adam Bricker, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife,

for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer,

in sickness and in health, from this day forward?

I do.

[minister] And do you, Cheri Sullivan take this man--

-I do. -[all laugh]

Then by the power vested in me,

I now pronounce you husband and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

["Wedding March" playing on steel drums]

[phone ringing]

[softly] Hello?

Good morning, Mother.

No, I didn't pick up laryngitis on the plane.

No, you're not interrupting anything, Mother, unfortunately.

Oh, I'm sorry, dear. I didn't mean to wake you.

I just called to see if you're having a good time.

Of course I am, I'm with Boyd in San Juan

and it's our first family vacation in three years.

No, not "family."

In order to have one of those, somebody generally has to be married.

Will you stop? I have a great job in an exciting city and a wonderful relationship.

I don't need a marriage license to prove my life is terrific.

No, you don't, dear, but it would make me

the happiest mother in Kansas City if you did.

Of course, I realize, that's not important, but--

You know this is a great connection, Mother.

You sound like you're just downstairs instead of 2,000 miles away.

Eh, yes, well, have a lovely cruise, dear.

I've got to run now.

-I love you. -I love you too, dear.

Bye-bye.

Okay, Manuel, put the pedal to the metal.

We've got a lot of San Juan to see before you drop me at theIsland Princess.

A health-and-fitness cruise, Merrill, this is a great, wonderful idea.

Look at all this. Maybe I'll finally figure out how to use all this stuff.

As if you needed to.

You are a shameless flatterer.

I like that in a husband.

I also like the idea of having experts on board who can help us with all this hardware.

With the right diet and the right exercise program, cute workout clothes...

Yes, an idea whose time has come.

Vicki, let me see that sign on the other side, please.

Thanks to my two helpers, here.

You know, if they hadn't come up with the concept--

And hired the entire Shipshape staff.

Yes, we might have been taking a "Szechuan Cooking Cruise" instead.

Sounds like we're a hit.

Let's see what the passengers have to say first.

Well, you know, if I could end up with a figure like that,

I would sign up for every one of Dr. Thomas's classes.

Hey, it's not too late. We can still go back to the airport.

Yes, it is, and no we can't. Don't you even think about getting off this ship.

You've just got butterflies about teaching all those classes.

Get your mind on something else, like...

like the fringe benefits a cruise ship has to offer.

Isaac, did you get the supplies I asked you to get?

Isaac, did you hear me?

Dr. Thomas. Hi, I'm Vicki Stubing.

-Hi, how are you? -Hi.

We're counting on you to teach us all a thing or two about getting shipshape.

Oh, Vicki, this is my friend, Doris Johnson.

Hi, welcome aboard.

Hi, I'm along to carry her books. Would you like one?

Only if Dr. Thomas will autograph it for me.

Let me see, you are on the Baja Deck, Cabin 105,

which is through the lobby and you take the elevators to the left.

All righty. Thanks a lot.

Enjoy your cruise and I'll see you later.

Thank you. Bye-bye, nice meeting you.

Did you get those-- Isaac.

Mr. Washington. Yes, sir?

You're supposed to be checking the passengers in, not checking them out.

Uh, no, sir. I mean, yes, sir. I mean--

He means, he's sorry, sir.

[Doc] Excuse me, is this where we check in? Mm-hmm.

Doc? Cheri? What is this? What about your honeymoon?

This is our honeymoon. Cheri has never been on a cruise before,

and I've never been on one where I didn't have to work.

So the special medical team will take care of the diet program,

and you two will enjoy your cruise. Perfect.

Isn't he just the sweetest man?

Uh, Doc I don't have your name here.

I wanted this to be a surprise to everyone.

Check under "Mr. and Mrs. Ben Casey."

Ben Casey. Oh, yeah here it is. Doc, that's funny.

I thought so.

I don't get it.

The TV doctor. Ben Casey.

I'm a doctor. He's a doctor.

It's a series.

It must be an old one.

[laughing] She's so young. So young.

Oh, my God!

What is it, darling? Come, look in the gift shop.

[chattering]

Oh, darling, a honeymoon cruise through the Caribbean with the man I love.

Oh! You're too good to me.

You're easy to be good to. I love you, boogie-bear.

Hello.

Hi.

Hi, we're Mr. and Mrs. Steven Riskin.

-Newlyweds? -All eight hours. How did you guess?

Well, your husband just had this look in his eye.

Uh, let's see Mr. Riskin... Oh, yes, you're on the Aloha Deck, Cabin 226.

-Right. -Enjoy your cruise.

With a wife like this, who couldn't?

Uh, Julie that couple that just checked in?

-You know them? -Not "them." Her. She's my ex-wife.

Which one? You've had five!

Wife number two. And Cheri thinks she's wife number one.

This is it. Our own little palace of love.

Any old place with you would be a palace of love.

Let's take a look. Uh-uh. This way.

[both laughing]

Right this way, my darling, to our sea-going hideaway.

This is so exciting! Trust me. The excitement hasn't even begun.

[groans] Sweetheart? Are you okay?

It's just a trick back. An old football injury.

I didn't know you played football.

I didn't. I fell down the bleachers going for hot dogs and beer.

Uh, can I help you? I'm Ace Evans, the ship's purser?

Darnell. Mrs. Harriet Darnell.

Stevens. Yes, Mrs. Harriet Darnell Stevens.

It's probably under "S". Thanks for the hint.

[Captain over PA] We'll be weighing anchor in 15 minutes.

All visitors ashore please.

[Ace] Okay, here we go, let's see.

You're in Cabin 521, on the Coral Deck, Mrs. Stevens.

Enjoy your cruise.

Mrs. Stevens?

Oh, hi. Carol Darnell.

Darnell? You're not traveling with an aunt or something? Or distant cousin maybe?

If I am, it's news to me. Why?

-[laughs] Just wondering. -Say listen, can you tell us where the Fiesta Deck is?

Yes, Fiesta Deck, okay.

Well, you just go through this door and down the stairs to the right.

-Great. -Hey, you're Boyd Hughes,

Most Valuable Player in the National League.

Three years running.

Well, I'm selling real estate in San Francisco right now.

It's a little easier on the old elbow, you know?

I'll never forget the back-to-back shutouts you pitched in Chicago.

I'm looking forward to picking up some training tips from you.

Thank you very much. You know, it's kind of nice to be brought out of mothballs,

-even though it is for a week or so. -[chuckles] Yeah.

We'll see you later. See you.

That way, yeah. Ship's purser.

Here's to a very, very special relationship.

Oh. [chuckles]

And here's to a very special man, who I love very much.

Oh! Happy 39th birthday.

Uh-uh. Wait just a minute, not for five more days.

Let's just not rush me into middle age any sooner than we have to, okay?

Besides...

Besides, we have something more important to talk about.

Carol...

after three years of--

Unwedded bliss.

-Yeah. -[both chuckle]

I think we are ready to, you know, kind of move on to the next plateau,

-kind of expand our horizons... -Oh, Boyd, that's wonderful.

...and establish a more open relationship.

Open? More open?

Look, look, honey, don't misunderstand me,

I think that what we have is... is terrific.

But I think that it could be even more terrific if we...

if we just kind of, you know,

spiced it up a little bit by...

-seeing other people. -How can you say that after three wonderful years together?

Carol. Look we've got to get some life back into our lives, experiment a little--

We have a great life. At least I thought we did.

Sweetheart, honey, is it so wrong

that we want to make sure we're not just staying together out of habit.

I mean, because it's on our schedule?

What? On our schedule?

You want to see something that isn't "on our schedule"? Watch!

So, Miss McCoy, how much notice would you need to pull together a wedding reception?

Impromptu, but tasteful. Well, that all depends.

Cruise ship weddings aren't usually "spur of the moment" things.

-But I'd be happy to talk to somebody... -Ah, hold that thought.

[ship horn blowing]

[Vicki over PA] Ladies and Gentlemen say hasta luego to San Juan,

as our Shipshape cruise heads for Martinique.

Another Guava Delight, Miss Darnell?

What the Shipshape cruise lacks in alcoholic content,

we try to more than make up for with creativity.

No thanks, Isaac.

Okay.

[sighs] But I could use another cabin.

Something wrong with the one you were assigned?

Yes, there's a snake in it.

Mom! What are you doing here?

Well, I thought it was about time I saw that mystery man of yours.

His name is Boyd, Mother.

After all, it is three years,

and none of us is getting any younger.

I sent you pictures.

I told you everything about him but his collar-size.

If that wasn't enough, you could have just come to San Francisco--

You know me, dear. I would never intrude on your privacy.

You don't call this intruding?

Well, it wasn't supposed to be.

So where is the mystery man, Boyd, anyway?

Over there.

Any more questions?

Yes. Uh, bartender,

could we have another round of drinks here?

Doubles.

Oh, uh, Dr. Thomas, um...

I'm Isaac Washington. I tend the bar--

I mean the health-juice bar, all 35 natural flavors' worth.

Sounds like we're in the same racket, Isaac Washington.

Will I be seeing you in my class?

If I can juggle my schedule.

[chuckles] Then I'll look forward to seeing your juggling act.

And I'll look forward to seeing your, uh, seminar on stress management.

Its effects on cardiovascular flow, low-density lipoproteins,

that sort of thing? Uh, yeah. That sort of thing.

Dr. Thomas? Don't you think it's time to get started?

[laughs] Oh, I've got to go.

I don't know what I'd do without Doris. I'll see you.

You know, I'm really fascinated

by cardio-protein flow and low-density lipo-vasculars.

You are?

I can hardly take my eyes off them.

I mean, I read about them all the time.

They're my specialty! Oh, really?

Well, Dr. Thomas's, actually. I could talk about them for hours.

I think they're fascinating.

Carol, life is like falling off a bicycle.

Thank you, Mother. I'll remember that.

You know what I mean, dear.

You have to get back up on your feet,

under the tropical moon, find somebody else.

Hey, Fred, how about an orange juice, huh?

Now, this nice young man-- Ace, isn't it?

Yes, ma'am.

This is my daughter, Carol.

-So, you two are related. -Small world.

Ace, Carol and I thought you might like to join us for a drink.

Mother, please...

Well, that's awfully nice but...

-Just a sort of get-acquainted glass... -Mother.

...of Caribbean cheer.

Excuse me, I, uh, have an appointment.

It's her first time at sea.

I'm sure she'll be fine tomorrow.

Uh, bartender...

Can I get you folks anything?

Uh, yeah a couple of margaritas, please, Isaac. Coming right up.

Wait, wait, what'll it be for you?

[laughs] Just kidding, just kidding.

A margarita will be just fine, thanks, Isaac.

Okay.

So, Angela.

You come on these cruises very often?

No. This is my first.

Mine, too. You see?

We have something in common already.

[chuckles] Hey.

The ole Boyd Hughes Training Tip Number 6:

"Never start a week at sea with a sunburn." Ah!

I think, maybe we should do something about this.

What did you have in mind?

I've got some oil back in my cabin.

I'll bet you do.

And when the drinks come, we'll go back there and--

Listen, sorry. Maybe some other cruise.

And let me give you a little "training tip."

Get yourself a new line.

Ciao.

This is harder than I remembered.

You saw me? Yes!

-[all chuckle] -You know, I'm really looking forward to this.

The food on a health-and-fitness cruise has got to be spectacular.

Yeah, that's one way to describe it.

Well, what do you think?

I think I don't recognize anything on my plate.

This is arugula, jícama,

alfalfa sprouts, bean sprouts, and pine nuts.

High in vitamins and minerals, and low... In everything else.

Now, I thought you'd all want to sample the alternative menu

that I cooked up for the cruise.

Well, it certainly is different.

And the portions are small.

That's a good try, Emily. A very good try.

But what's the alternative to the alternative menu?

I tried. Waiter.

From the Atlantic to the Pacific,

may our honeymoon be terrific.

This is all so romantic.

Me, a girl who's never really traveled much outside of Oregon.

You, a man of the world, who rhymes.

It's like something out of a movie.

An Affair to Remember. Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr.

Who?

I'm sorry. What movie were you referring to?

Rocky IV.

Sylvester Stallone and Talia Shire.

Ah. Romance, romance.

Uh, Cheri, what would you think about eating in our stateroom?

Oh, we have the whole trip ahead for that, sweetheart.

Besides, I just love sitting here and watching people.

They're so fascinating. Like that woman right there.

She looks so glamorous, so worldly. Don't you think?

I love to make up stories about strangers. I'll bet she is a woman with a past.

A past?

I'll bet she's left behind a trail of broken hearts.

And broken dishes.

Down boy, I think you need an appetizer.

All I need... is you.

I'll sign you up for the gourmet tour. Right after dinner.

You know I look at them and I see us.

What do you think of when you look at them, honey? Pot roast.

-What? -I think I'll have the pot roast.

It's good, it's ready, and we can be finished

and back in our cabin before anyone notices.

-What are you talking about? -I don't know.

I really don't know. I mean, you've got me so nervous.

I'm like a kid. I'm babbling, look!

I'm babbling now. Make me stop.

Oh, Adam. I love the way you have such fun with life.

Too much to choose from. How can I possibly decide?

Maybe we should just stick to champagne.

It seems to work for that couple.

Will you excuse me?

I have to powder something.

Where are you going? Uh, excuse me just a minute, my darling.

I forgot to tip the maître d' for this great table.

But we were assigned this table when we boarded.

Then I'll tip the purser. I'll be right back.

How could you do this to me?

Me? How could I? How could you?

[both] I'm on my honeymoon!

You are? You're married?

But she's so young.

And I suppose he's collecting social security?

Did you marry him or adopt him?

Steven is an attorney.

Or he will be when he graduates.

He's still in school?

Law school.

Well, soon. At the moment, he's a gymnast.

State champion three years in a row.

What about Shirley Temple?

She's a professional woman.

Oh, really? In what field?

Cheri's in the, uh, food services.

Let me guess, a waitress at Clown Burger?

An assistant manager.

Does she know you've been married before, let alone to me?

Not a clue. What about the contortionist?

Gymnast. No, he doesn't know.

And I would like to keep it that way. Deal?

Deal.

You look good.

A lot of years.

Happy?

Ecstatic. You?

Delirious.

Ecstatic. Delirious.

That's not bad for two people whose life together was stormy and miserable.

I'm happy for you, Adam.

And I'm happy for you, Elaine.

Now please stay out of my way for the rest of the trip.

We'll take different seatings for meals. You go early, we'll go late.

-No, you go early. I remember how hungry you get. -Thanks.

And different decks for sunning. We can do it.

If we work this out right, we'll never have to see each other again.

As long as we live.

[Vicki over PA] Good morning, Shipshape cruisers.

Get a fresh start today working off those excess calories

at our jogging tract on the Lido Deck.

Okay, ten more laps, then a high-carb, low-cal breakfast. My treat.

Well, dear, count your blessings.

At least your prince turned into a toad before the honeymoon.

You know there are a dozen cute available young men below on the sundeck.

I'll save you a chair.

All right, Mother.

Good morning. Good morning.

Morning, Miss Darnell. Are you feeling better today?

Yes, Carol, please. Okay.

Look, I want to apologize for yesterday.

Ah. It's okay. I understand.

-You do? -Yeah, sure. Your mother explained everything.

-She what? -It's all right.

Sooner or later, something like that happens to everybody.

When was the last time it happened to you?

Oh, you'd be surprised. At least I hope you would be.

Let's just say that working on a cruise ship isn't exactly great

for lasting relationships, unless you're into seagulls.

No "girl in every port"?

I sure could use one today.

I got a cable from some friends of the family with a place in Martinique.

They're sending a car to pick me up... and I sure would hate to go alone...

Well, that sounds suspiciously like an invitation.

Why don't you call it a no-strings chance to test-drive Martinique.

You'll have fun and you'll be helping out a deserving purser at the same time.

-What do you say? -My good deed for the day?

Yeah.

I say yes.

Great, I'll meet you on the dock?

Yeah. Okay.

Sorry I fell asleep so early last night. It must be the sea air.

That's all right we have plenty of nights ahead of us.

And it was time I reread the ship's manual anyway.

Here we are. And the sun is just right.

Oh, the sun, the pool, the ship...

Everything is just right, Adam.

Isn't this just the best honeymoon ever?

Well, it's certainly right up there.

Of course, it's the only honeymoon we've ever had. Right, sweetheart?

Oh, absolutely. I've been waiting for you all my life.

You swim like a mermaid. Oh, sure. I'm a regular Esther Williams.

Who? You mean, Darryl Hannah.

Who's he?

Oh, hi.

Oh, no. That does it.

The pool is ours!

The other pool is yours. There are two.

Well, how the hell was I supposed to know that?

-Do you two know each other? -Yes, and this is just like her.

-You two sound like an old married couple. -An old divorced married couple.

Divorced? You were married?

Well, you've done it now, Elaine.

You used to be Mrs. Him?

It wasn't really like a marriage. It was more like a prizefight.

Three hundred sixty-five rounds a year.

That's right, with no winner's purse.

Why didn't you tell me?

You thought I was perfect.

I still do.

A divorce doesn't change that. It only means she wasn't right for you, and I am.

Do you believe that? Do you really believe that?

Because that's exactly the way I feel.

How about you, darling?

Does it change the way you look at me?

It makes you a woman of mystery. A woman with many secrets.

-I could tell you a few of them, save you a lot of trouble. -Adam.

I think this is wonderful.

It's like family-- the four of us all setting off on new adventures.

New lives together.

Out with the old, in with the new.

Out with the bad air...

I didn't mean that.

We know what you mean.

And you really don't mind?

It doesn't change anything? No.

Let's hear it for the '80s.

Modern romance.

Okay, I hope you guys are warmed up and ready for a really advanced workout.

'Cause here we go!

[funk music playing]

Come on.

To the side.

Go on for it.

Reach. Reach.

Whoo! Come on! Left.

One, two, three, four. Whoo!

She's really something, huh?

You mean from a purely physical perspective.

Uh, well, yeah. That too.

But the woman who wrote that book is one terrific lady.

[Captain over PA]Welcome to the French West Indies.

We're now docking at the Pearl of the Antilles, Martinique.

The name means Island of Flowers,

and hibiscus, anthurium, and orchids grow wild

in its tropical climate.

While we're here, shop Fort-de-France

for French-made goods at island prices.

Sample callaloo, a savory French-creole delicacy...

along with fresh-caught local seafood...

or swim at the many black sand beaches that ring this sunny island.

But whatever you do, enjoy yourselves.

Oh! You make Martinique sound so wonderful. Thank you.

Let's play hooky. Let's go ashore and see the sights,

and pretend we're tourists for the day.

You know that is such a good idea,

I was just about to think of it myself.

Were you just about to think of packing a picnic lunch?

A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and the sights of Martinique.

What do we got in there? Steak sandwiches? Seafood salad? Black Forest cake?

It is the perfect lunch for the health-and-fitness cruise:

cracked wheat crackers with soy paste, mineral water, tofu on toast.

Sorry, I asked.

-It's not a bad way to see Martinique is it? -No.

Our own private tour, a car and driver.

Lucky I have friends like you.

Lucky I have friends like the Johnsons.

It's so peaceful. Yeah, it is.

This is the first time I've relaxed since...

Well, I'm just glad you talked me into coming along.

Glad enough to miss your plane?

I'd better be. [laughs] Yep, you'd better be.

It's beautiful, this island has everything. Lakes, waterfalls.

Exotic birds...

How did you do that?

Well, it's a special talent. And some peanuts.

How did you know about the peanut part?

Well, I'm a closet naturalist, field-and-stream division.

That's how I got interested in photography. Here. Come on.

There we go. There we go. Come on, come on over here.

Here we go, come back just a little bit.

Okay, here we go, say cheese!

Cheese. [camera shutter clicking]

[Captain over PA] We're leaving the sights of Martinique behind us

as we head for the island where Dutch tradition and Caribbean beauty

combine the best of both worlds:

friendly, picturesque Aruba.

Dinner and dancing? If I didn't know better, I'd say this was a real date.

Well, after the wildlife tour this afternoon, it's the least I can do to say thank you.

No. Thank you.

Great.

You two look wonderful together.

Ace, uh, why don't you sit down and join us.

Oh, okay sure, why not?

Good evening. Hello.

Isn't it nice to see everybody on the dance floor

having a good time? Yeah.

Let's keep it that way. Right, Ace?

Right, Julie. [clears throat]

I think duty just called. I'll see you later.

-Good evening. -[Ace] Can I talk to you for a minute?

You make a perfect couple. Everyone says so.

Everyone agrees with you when you say so.

And don't get any ideas. He's just a friend.

And that's enough right now.

Well, of course, dear.

And then, and then this man-- this nut you're married to, Cheri--

he put $10 in nickels in the jukebox

and played Cole Porter songs all night.

Cole Porter? Is that a group.

Cole Porter. The composer.

"Begin the Beguine," "You're the Top"?

Black guy. Played the piano.

No, no, no, that was Nat King Cole.

How do you keep them all straight? It's easier today.

Sting, Sade, Prince. I mean, you can't mix them up.

-[laughs] I certainly can't. -She's got a point.

Well, it's been a great night, but Elaine needs her beauty sleep. 'Til tomorrow?

-Good night. -Good night.

Elaine?

I'm sorry. Old habits die hard.

Very old habits.

I guess it's just being on the ship with you again.

You were on this ship together?

Not since our honeymoon.

-You honeymooned on this ship? -Only the once.

I'm sure neither of us has made a habit of it. Good night, all.

Good night.

Oh, sweetheart.

This modern attitude of yours is really wonderful, darling.

I'm glad to see that you've been reading the book,

but the basic theory explained in the book is that

if you keep your pulse rate at 60 or 70% of the average rate,

your body will start oxidizing its reserves,

otherwise known as "burning off the fat"...

You know, you and Dr. Thomas speak a whole other language from guys like me.

"Metabolic rates," "polyunsaturated whatchamacallits."

I figure if we're going to communicate,

I'd better learn your language.

I'd love to teach you, Isaac.

You would? That's great!

[laughs] What are you doing?

Wait, before you ask what a nice girl like me

is doing behind a mound of paperwork like this,

-I told Ace I'd cover for him today. -Can you file these for me?

Yeah, sure. Listen, while I'm filing and cross-referencing,

would you please take this down to the lost and found for me?

I'll do better than that. If there's an ID in it,

I'll take it back to the owner.

Let's see...

Uh-oh.

I don't like the sound of that.

I don't like the looks of it.

Doris Johnson's picture on Dr. Thomas' driver's license.

-Dr. Thomas? -Hi, Julie.

Oh, you're looking for Dr. Thomas. I think she's still out on the Lido Deck.

No, I think she's right here in her cabin.

Courtesy of the Lost and Found Department.

You figured it out, all right.

Charlene Thomas, PhD, at your service.

And the woman I thought I hired? Doris.

She doesn't need a degree in nutrition. She was born with that body.

So you two just traded places? Why?

Would you take a fitness class from somebody

who looked like the "before" picture in a weight-loss ad?

Your "Shipshape" program doesn't really work?

Oh, it works, all right. But diet and exercise can only do so much

for a body that has a mind of its own.

You see, body fat doesn't just run in my family, it gallops.

Hereditary, I'm afraid.

That's why I got my PhD in nutrition,

to develop a program that works.

And mine really does, for everybody but me.

I'm really sorry, Charlene. But now it's our problem.

You're not going to make me walk the plank or anything, are you?

No, I won't, but the captain might.

See, he's got this funny, old-fashioned attitude about fraud and misrepresentation.

Come to think of it, if anybody's in trouble, I am.

I'm the one who hired you long distance.

I don't want you to take the blame for anything that we did.

Maybe we should just tell everybody the truth,

that this is the shape behind "Get Shipshape with Charlene."

Not if it's gonna embarrass you. Your publisher--

Julie, since I met Isaac,

I've been thinking that maybe this isn't all I've got to offer.

Give me a little time. I'll work something out.

All right.

[upbeat music playing]

You know, she could be his mother. I wonder what they have in common?

They're probably both in love with his body.

Come on, Adam. Let's join them.

Now? Shouldn't we wait a while until the next class starts?

I mean, they've been bending and stretching for a while and we're still brittle.

Don't you like aerobics? Like it? I love it.

I prescribe it to my patients all the time.

Well, then, come on!

Adam!

Come on, Adam! Unless you don't think you can cut it.

It's just... I just showered.

Oh, all right.

Good work, you early birds! All right, that's it for now.

But for you die-hards, the advanced class is at 10:00.

Well, that wasn't so hard. Nothing like a good workout to get the blood circulating.

Anyone for a few laps around the deck?

-Sure. -Come on.

Come on. Are you joking?

Aw, come on. You know how I hate to run alone.

Oh, come on, Adam. It'll do us both good.

After the aerobics workout? Well, go ahead if you like.

All right, see you in a lap.

Uh, can I buy you a carrot juice?

No. You can buy me a Bloody Mary.

Hey, Ray, two Bloody Marys please.

You really keep up with him. I'm impressed.

Don't be. It's all an act.

A grand illusion to make him think I went to high school with Cyndi Lauper.

[laughs] Thanks, Ray.

Where did you two meet, anyway?

Over marinated mushrooms in a salad bar.

He had his eye on my mushrooms.

I had my eye on his muscles. I suggested a trade.

I met Cheri on a flight to Portland.

Let me guess, she was going to a cheerleaders convention.

No! She was coming back from a cheerleaders convention.

All giddy and excited, curious, sweet.

She reminded me--

-Reminded you of? -Nothing.

Go on, tell me. I won't laugh. She reminded you of your niece?

The daughter you never had?

She reminded me of you.

A new record! [exhales]

Now, if you want to throw a slider, you take your arm back like this,

way back like this-- Hey.

Okay, guys lesson's over.

Hey, what--

How can you spend your time clowning around like this

while my daughter is quietly going to pieces?

"Your daughter"? You're Carol's mother?

Now, wait a minute. All I did was just suggest

that we ought to date around a little bit, that's all.

Anyway, look, it looks like poor Carol

is making a pretty speedy recovery, wouldn't you say?

Unfortunately, what you're looking at isn't romance, it's therapy.

Although, why she'd prefer an arrested adolescent

to someone as thoughtful and caring as Ace...

is beyond me.

Carol...

Look, I want you to know I'm sorry about how this has all turned out.

I really wasn't trying to break us up, I just--

Trying to have your cake and eat it, too?

It must seem that way, but... remember the way it used to be with us?

So intense we couldn't stand to be apart?

Isn't it a little late to be talking about the "good old days"?

They were great times, Carol.

I want them back. I don't want to be just comfortable with somebody.

I want to be obsessed, in love. Wanting to call you three or four times a day.

I want that feeling, that excitement back again.

I want that too. We all do.

It doesn't mean you have to give away everything you have.

I hate doing the same old things all the time.

I want to feel close, I want to get crazy sometimes too.

So why didn't we?

We had a good run, three years.

But the fire just went out.

Maybe for you.

But it's your party.

I wish I could bring you the excitement and the love,

but I can't.

I guess there's nothing else to say.

I hope you find what you're looking for.

[Ace over PA] Clear the decks for the most unusual aerobics class yet,

a musical tour of the ship.

-[dance music playing] -[all] Whoo!

Come on, feel the burn!

All right. Don't slow down!

Very impressive, aren't they?

It's amazing how anybody could fake her way through that.

"Fake her way"? Who's faking?

Uh, well, I guess I would be, Dad,

that is, if I had enough energy

to take one of Ms. Johnson's-- uh, Dr. Thomas's classes,

unlikely that it is.

Miss McCoy. The passengers are really getting into our Shipshape cruise.

I owe it all to you and Vicki. Well, I can't take any credit.

Not really. Nonsense, Julie. You can take all the credit.

If you hadn't hired Dr. Thomas, I wouldn't have planned this whole cruise around her.

-About Dr. Thomas-- -She's a real dynamo, isn't she?

I don't know how we'd do this without her.

You couldn't have made a better choice.

I'm really very proud of you, Julie.

-[snapping] -Six, seven, eight. And that's it!

Oh, she's terrific.

Uh, sir, I...

Is there something you want to tell me?

I'm just glad that everything's under control.

At least I thought it was.

Hi, Isaac.

Oh, Dr. Thomas, you know after your class,

I thought you could use a little pH-balanced electrolyte replacement.

Well, if you're offering me something cold and wet, I accept.

Oh, great. On the menu, this is called "Caribbean Kaboom."

It's strictly fresh cran-apple juice, protein powder, lecithin, a banana...

Easy, Isaac. I won't have any room for dinner.

Oh, we wouldn't want that.

Because then you couldn't join me at my table tonight.

And possibly tomorrow night.

If that's a dinner invitation, I'd love to.

[upbeat music playing]

Doesn't anybody ever touch on a dance floor today?

Sure, like in slam dancing? Oh, I'll pass.

I've always considered dancing a romantic pastime, not a demolition derby.

I like the way you move. What do you call that dance?

A little bossa nova and a lot funky chicken.

A lot of funky chicken?

It was a dance.

Oh, right. Cole Porter.

Close enough.

[song ends]

[slow, big band music playing]

Small world. Small ship.

Now, isn't this a wonderful number? Now this is music.

Sounds like something from the '60s.

How about the '40s?

The '40s? Really?

Benny Goodman, Tommy Dorsey, Andrew Sisters.

They were the Pointer Sisters of their day.

You could hum the tunes,

you could understand the lyrics.

Would you like to dance, sweetheart?

I don't like to dance to songs I don't know.

I'd like to dance.

Oh, no, I've got two left feet at something like this.

Why don't you and Dr. Bricker go ahead?

What do you reckon, Adam? Can you cut it?

"Arthur Murray taught me dancing in a hurry."

Cheri? Hey! What's going on?

That's what I'd like to know. Can't you put her on a leash or something?

Don't you see what's going on over there? They're dancing.

In each other's arms. Who dances that way anymore?

Look, if you think it's a problem, Elaine and I will just stay out of your way.

Do that, will you? Just keep your wife away from my husband and we'll all be happier.

Okay.

You know, this fitness cruise has really brought us together,

helping each other, encouraging each other.

Yeah, you know I've never felt closer to either one of you.

And there's no feeling of competition.

It's like we're all members of the same team.

Congratulations, team, you've each lost one pound.

[together] Only one pound?

After all that work? Rats.

Maybe a little competition isn't such a bad idea after all.

With a prize for the most weight lost?

Maybe dinner for two at any restaurant we choose?

Well, see that's the idea, incentive.

And Merrill will spring for that, won't you, dear?

Well, why me? I don't have anything to do.

He's so supportive.

Well, maybe we can have a little talk over breakfast.

Dad, if I'm going to get that dinner-for-two, I'd better skip breakfast.

I've got an appointment with the sit-up board in the gym.

Well, if I hurry maybe I can catch that first aerobics class.

Thank you so much, dear. You won't regret this.

Can you spare a minute for a soon to be ex-passenger?

So, this time you're really leaving us?

Got a ticket and everything.

How am I going to break the news to the captain?

He takes this sort of thing very personally.

Somehow I think he'll get over it.

Ace, I want to thank you for being there when I needed a friend.

Well, I think you've got that backwards.

Being with you the last couple of days reminded me

how wonderful things can be when two people take the time to get to know each other.

I'd forgotten what it's like to just play...

with someone I've come to like very much.

Good luck, Carol.

You're very special.

I'll never forget you.

Uh... I didn't mean to do that. I'm sorry.

I'm not.

Hi, Dr. Thomas-- I mean--

Hi, Julie.

Um... Doris is terrific.

She could aerobicize the body fat off anything that moves.

But, well, she's not the author.

And she's not the expert. She's not you.

If the captain finds out, we could all be in big trouble.

And, well, you did say you'd take care of everything.

I'm sorry, Julie. I was sure I'd have everything handled by now, but...

I've had my mind on other things.

Dr. Thomas-- Charlene-- is something wrong?

I said I'll handle it!

[Vicki over PA] Welcome to the former Dutch colony island of Aruba,

with its picture book deep-water harbor

and pastel-colored free port shopping capital, Oranjestad,

exotic Aruba is as neat as the Netherlands,

as exciting as the Caribbean with its colorful mix

of Dutch windmills, casinos, and beautiful beaches.

Cheri? Where's Adam? I'm meeting him here.

He has a surprise for me. And Elaine?

She said she, uh, had a surprise for me too.

Oh, God.

[horn honking]

We rented a car. For the four of us.

No tour buses for us. We're going to show you Aruba

like nobody's ever seen Aruba.

Pile in! What a wonderful idea.

Oh, Adam, you know I get carsick in the back seat.

No problem. You remember the route as well as I do. You two sit up front.

This won't work. It's a stick. I can't drive a stick.

Okay.

I'll drive and you can guide.

Oh, darling, I know how you hate it when I do that.

I'd remind you of your mother.

We'd have an argument within the hour

and spoil everyone's day.

All right then Cheri can drive

and the girls can sit up front.

And Steve and I will sit in the back.

Adam... Cheri.

You can't drive a stick either?

I can't drive at all. I never learned.

Well, you were busy cheerleading.

So...

Uh...

Any ideas? We've already paid for the car.

Well, there seems to be only one solution.

Why am I not surprised?

This won't be so bad. And you'll love the island.

We did on our honeymoon.

[Julie over PA] We hope you enjoyed picturesque, romantic Aruba.

Coming up, that marvel of Yankee know-how and determination,

the Panama Canal.

You know, I knew I was gonna be having dinner with a beautiful woman,

but I never counted on warm, bright, witty, charming...

Oh, you're so sweet. That's really nice of you, but I never thought of myself as...

No, no, no, really, I mean it.

And as nice as you are in person, in print you're incredible!

You know, your book could have been a dry, boring "health talk."

But you made it all so interesting.

You have a really great insight

into how people feel about food, about themselves.

Oh, what's the use?

Take this back and bring me the prime rib, baked potato with butter and sour cream.

And follow it up with a chocolate sundae, extra whipped cream.

Nobody's been interested in my mind before.

It's one of your most attractive qualities.

Isaac, I think we may be having dinner under false pretenses.

Well, I must admit I did try to crib a few buzzwords

from your secretary to impress you, but--

Isaac, look-- wait.

There's something you should know about me.

Well, not "me" exactly, but...

It's just a very complicated story.

[loud, discordant polka music]

Oh, thank goodness-- a familiar face! What's wrong, Julie?

Well, you know how they say bad things come in threes? Mm-hmm.

This is Mrs. Winslow's third number.

She's going to kill off Passenger Talent Night singled-handedly,

unless... can you help? How?

Do you sing, tap dance, juggle, tell limericks? Anything. I'm desperate.

Well, I sing a little, but-- Oh! Perfect. Come with me.

Thank you, Mrs. Winslow, for a listening experience we're not likely to forget.

Thank you. And now, ladies and gentlemen,

may I introduce Miss Doris Johnson.

What do I sing?

Anything. Whatever you feel like.

["Good Morning Heartache" playing]

♪Good morning, heartache ♪

♪You old gloomy sight ♪

♪Good morning, heartache ♪

♪Thought we said goodbye Last night ♪

♪I tossed and turned Until it seemed you had gone ♪

♪But here you are With the dawn ♪

♪Wish I'd forget you But you're here to stay ♪

♪It seems I met you When my love went away ♪

♪Now every day I start By saying to you ♪

♪Good morning, heartache What's new? ♪

♪Stop haunting me now ♪

♪Can't shake you no how ♪

♪Just leave me alone ♪

♪I've got Those Monday blues ♪

♪Straight through Sunday blues ♪

♪Good morning, heartache Here we go again ♪

♪Good morning, heartache ♪

♪You're the one That knew me when ♪

♪Might as well get used To you hanging around ♪

♪Good morning, heartache ♪

♪Sit down ♪

Thanks.

The drink is on the house, or at least on the bartender.

I don't accept drinks from strangers.

I thought I knew you. I guess I was wrong.

You don't have to be nice to me anymore, Mr. Isaac Washington.

You already got what you really wanted. You used me.

No, I wasn't trying...

Well, I did but I didn't mean--

Save the explanation for someone who hasn't already heard it a hundred times before.

[Captain over PA]Join us on the Lido Deck for fitness with a tropical flair.

A Caribbean carnival!

[steel drum music playing]

Well, it looks like I missed another flight.

Yeah, looks like you'll have to stay on board,

unless you're still in a hurry to get back to San Francisco.

Not anymore.

Oh, he's okay, just keep going, everybody.

Go on. Yeah, just keep...

Let me get you to this chair.

All right. There you go.

I could call the medical team,

but I'm sure they'd say it's just a strained muscle.

You're lucky. From what I've seen,

you've given your back quite a workout these past couple days.

Well, only if you count the wind-surfing, the Jet Ski,

and the inner-tube race over the waterfall.

Don't you think you ought to hang up your lampshade for a while

and let somebody else be the life of the party?

Come on, Julie. This is a pleasure cruise,

or did I read the wrong brochure?

It's also a health-and-fitness cruise.

If I were a doctor, I think I'd prescribe

a good night's sleep, followed by several days of acting your age.

I'll tell you what, you tell that to my first pair of bifocals,

or my blood pressure, or the inch that doesn't go away anymore,

no matter how many times I "pinch" it.

I've seen the future and it's a retirement community in Florida.

Mm-mmm. Oh, come on Boyd...

You don't get it, do you?

I'm the birthday boy.

Tomorrow is my 39th. Not 40, but close enough.

My life is half over-- the good half.

Once I let go, Julie, it's all downhill.

So I'm not letting go. Not for you, not for Carol, not for anybody.

That was a wonderful, imaginative idea you had today, Adam.

Renting the car, getting off the beaten path like that.

It didn't take imagination. It just took a good memory.

I enjoyed it then. And I enjoyed it today.

And your new bride? How did she like the tour?

She's been a little quiet. I think it overwhelmed her.

She's really very sweet. I'm happy for you both.

Does she know what a wonderful man she's found?

She should. I tell her often enough.

Steve seems pretty terrific himself.

He's bright and charming.

And I've seen jet fighters that weren't as well built.

It seems we both lucked out.

Hooray for us.

Since we didn't work out.

Oh, not at all.

Not even a little.

With your temper.

And your irritating perfectionism.

And your terrible cooking.

And your flirting.

Well, how could you let her out of your sight like that?

I was doing my push-ups.

I think your muscles have gone to your head.

What do we do?

We do what we can.

Myself, I plan to cry for a number of days on end.

[panting] I'm sorry I'm late! What a class. I'm ready to drop!

Well, it sounds like you've worked up an appetite for our late supper-for-two.

Oh, Merrill...

Dad is creating a "Stubing Original."

Yes! Sliced lobster tail, scampi, chunks of filet mignon.

I just thought we should have some real food for a change.

But it's all high-protein, low-carbohydrate-- Just what the doctor ordered.

After lunch, it's supposed to be low-protein, high-carbohydrate.

Oh, Merrill. It's the thought that counts.

Dad, some thought. "Dinner for two" never looked better...

Why, thank you. ...or more romantic.

Well, that was the idea.

Uh, Dad... Hmm?

Oh.

Well, I guess fitness really takes it out of you.

Wanna stay for dinner? Looks like there's plenty to go around.

Dad, I'd love to, but I'm already late for my class.

Don't overdo it. I have a feeling a little fitness goes a long way.

That's all right. I'm getting used to pain. Bye.

Bye.

Now I don't have to worry about what to do with the leftovers.

[Julie over PA] We're now entering the locks of the Panama Canal.

Begun in 1909, this man-made waterway

is our eight-hour shortcut from the Atlantic to the Pacific Ocean.

It'll be a tight fit, but these locks can handle even the Island Princess,

with gates seven-feet thick and six-stories high.

How's the crying coming along?

I'm getting very good at it. I may have found a career.

-Between rounds? -I'm hoping I'll burn.

I'd like my skin to match my eyes. But I'm only getting an incredible tan.

I'd settle for that. Elaine keeps wondering

what's wrong and I don't know what to tell her.

So I'm spending my time trying to avoid her for now.

Some way to spend a honeymoon.

Definitely not the way I'd planned it.

I hear you were a cheerleader. Oregon State.

I was there last year for a gymnastics meet.

I was there. Behind the orange and black pom-poms.

And you're that Steve Riskin? High bars, rings, pommel horse.

You know me? Oh, my God, I have your towel.

I mean, I had your towel, in my locker for two weeks afterward. A souvenir.

No. Really?

Really.

Do you like ZZ Top?

What's so funny?

ZZ Top. Adam thinks they're a sports car.

[Captain over PA] Say "hasta la vista" to the Panama Canal

and "buenos días" to the Pacific Ocean.

We've just trimmed 12,800 miles off our journey,

the distance around South America.

Not bad for one day's sailing. Next stop: sunny Acapulco.

I'm so relieved that you didn't think that kiss last night was serious.

Don't take this wrong, but I have absolutely no interest in you.

Now how could I take that wrong? You know what I mean.

Of course I do. How could we have been so silly.

There's nothing between us. There really never was.

It was the moonlight. You know how that affects me.

I would appreciate it if what happened stays between us.

It's nothing I'm too proud of either, Elaine. We'll just put it out of our minds.

And get on with our lives.

Take care now. Bye.

They saw us kissing last night.

And they got off the ship together in Panama City!

My Steve... My Cheri... Your Steve!

Your Cheri! She stole my husband!

That's petty theft! He's all muscles and animal urges.

He saw what he wanted and he took it. My woman!

"Woman?" I have eyeliner older than she is! And there you go being so possessive again.

"My" woman. Just like it was always "my" newspaper, "my" television set!

-If you ask me, she's well rid of you. -Well, I didn't ask you!

But while we're on the subject. You still snore! It echoes through the ship at night.

The captain's had to reassure the passengers there isn't a moose on board.

You still chew your food like you were a chipmunk!

I'm exercising my gums. It's proper dental hygiene.

It's disgusting that's what it is! What did I ever see in you?

-Exactly the same thing I never saw in you. -I want a divorce.

Fine! Fine!

Oh, Adam.

I'm alone again.

Oh, don't be upset, honey. Please. It'll be all right.

[Julie over PA]Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen,

we are now docking in glamorous, exciting Acapulco

where you can test your newfound fitness

swimming, parasailing, or just plain relaxing on the beach.

Okay.Time, Newsweek, Sports View. National Inquisitor.

All hot off the press. Or should I say, fresh from the States, anyway.

Oh, great. Thanks, Ace. The passengers aren't the only ones

who want to catch up on the news from home.

Yeah, I know. Save me aSports View.

Swimsuit issue. Great invention, the bikini.

[Vicki] Oh, no! If Dad sees this...

[Captain] Got something there for me?

Oh, no, Dad. It's just the same boring old news.

Sounds like just the thing to put me to sleep tonight.

Sorry, Dad. This copy is for Julie. There's an article that she needs to read right away.

Oh. Well, I'll just browse through it until she comes by.

Not now. I mean, you know, Dad, shouldn't you be dressing for dinner?

You know, you don't want to keep Emily waiting. You know how she gets.

Well, I guess it is just about that time. Isn't there something I can take?

Oh, sure, look, there's aHouse and Garden and aLadies Home Journal.

Oh, and you will just love thisContemporary Woman. You just go right ahead.

[knocking]

Ace is early.

That's all right, I'll get it.

Uh, Mrs. Darnell.

Sorry, wrong room. The girls' dorm is right down the hall.

Mother.

All right, come in.

Carol, you look... beautiful.

Thank you. Is that a new dress?

Yes, new dress, new shoes, new attitude.

You look pretty good yourself.

Well, thank you.

I thought maybe we might look pretty good together, over dinner?

Over my dead body.

I'm afraid I have other plans.

Well, I guess I expected that.

You know, Carol, this is not easy for me to say this...

but I was wrong about us.

Boyd, I...

[clears throat]

Oh, excuse me, I'll just go rinse out a few things.

You weren't wrong.

No, no, don't make excuses for me.

I mean, I'm an adult and it's time I started acting like one.

No, sometimes we just slip into certain habits and patterns,

and I respect your need to want to break out of it.

No, it was more like falling into a rut, and we can overcome that rut

if we really want to and I really want to...

And I met Ace! Ace?

-[knocking] -Thank goodness. The cavalry!

But I love you.

Have I come at a bad time?

No. I'm ready.

Well, thanks for stopping by and I'm glad we had a chance to talk.

"Talk"? She didn't hear a word I said.

Maybe you just didn't have enough to say.

"Porterhouse steak, prawns with wild rice." Real food, at last.

Anything you want, up to 300 calories. You see the fine print there?

Dr. Thomas is in big trouble.

So are we, if there are any more of these on board.

Two dozen of them, safely tucked away in my cabin.

Clever girl. Thank you.

Captain Stubing, I'd like you to meet Carol Darnell.

It's nice to have you join our table, Miss Darnell.

And this is Mrs. Stubing.

Oh, call me Emily, dear. Come and sit next to me.

You know everybody else, right?

Hi, Carol. How are you?

There go. Go ahead. Whoops!

You have a lovely navel. [laughs] She does.

Why do I get the feeling I'm being brought home to meet the family?

Carol, Carol, you've got to listen to me...

Mr. Hughes. Haven't you said enough already?

No, no, it's all right, Ace, really.

Ace, what is this?

It's nothing, Captain.

Carol, you're not really interested in this guy--

Hey! It's not the time, Boyd.

Look, look, you wanted something

that I just wasn't willing to give you for the last three years.

You wanted a relationship that's closer, more equal, more exciting.

And so do I. And I want you to marry me.

That's an engagement ring?

Well, it's the best that the gift shop could do on such short notice,

but we'll replace it with a real one once we get back home.

I... don't know what to say.

Say yes.

Say what'll make you happy.

-But-- -And that will make me happy.

Thank you for everything.

What are friends for?

What are you doing out here in the middle of the night? Isn't it obvious?

The deck is less crowded at night and I need all the room I can get.

Will you slow down? We have to talk.

I said everything I had to say last night.

I'll talk and you listen.

Better make it quick. You're cutting into my exercise time.

Okay. Can we go over here?

I'm sorry I hurt your feelings.

Right. You're sorry you chose "the body beautiful" over the fat girl.

And I believe you. There. Are we through?

Charlene.

That's right, Charlene.

So you know. Yeah, and I'm just trying to--

Do us both a favor. Don't try. Just go away.

Is that what you really want? To push me away before I get too close?

How close are you ever gonna get as long as there are ladies like Doris around?

Closer than you think.

Now it's true, Doris is a beautiful lady.

But the lady I spotted between the lines of your fitness book

is the one I really wanted to get to know.

Charlene, you are a bright, attractive lady with a whole lot to give.

So why do you keep hiding behind Doris?

Why are you in such a rush to put yourself down

before anybody gets a chance to really know you?

Years of practice, I guess. Well, that's no excuse.

It's the total package that counts, not just the wrapping.

Trust me, bartenders know these things.

I wish I could believe that. I do.

And I'll spend the rest of the cruise proving it to you, if you just let me.

Deal? Deal.

[Ace over PA]Last chance to shed that extra pound or two in the gym as we head for home.

You know, when you think about it,

we're going to an awful lot of trouble

just to get dinner for two at our favorite restaurant.

Oh, not if it's a Chez Denise-- that goose liver pate that spreads like butter

on those tiny little imported crackers,

and duck à l'Orange you can slice with a fork.

Oh, no! Pasta primavera, swimming in garlic and basil.

Veal scaloppini, and New York cheesecake this thick...

You can daydream all you want, girls, but this little contest is in the doggy bag.

There's a table already at my Uncle Ernie's "Dinner on the Cook" truck stop

with my name on it.

Don't count your calories yet, Emily.

Nine... ten...

Hey, Captain, how are you doing?

I'm hungry, Ace-- for food, affection, reading material.

Since Vicki and Emily started this weight loss contest,

they've been spending all their time running laps and counting calories.

I've had nothing to do but read. It's lonely at the top, Ace.

Yeah, well not for long. Hi, Emily.

Oh! Isn't it a wonderful morning?

So bright, invigorating, full of possibilities!

Well, I'm afraid all my possibilities are stacked up on my desk,

in triplicate. Bye-bye.

A purser's work.

Another class? Are you sure you're not overdoing it?

Oh, no, you know me-- anything for a free meal with my guy.

Plus getting down to a size 9 isn't gonna hurt either.

I love you just the way you are.

Thank you. You know, working out with the girls

makes me understand why some of the passengers are dropping out of our fitness program.

Just looking at these attractive kids: Boyd, Dr. Thomas,

it's very depressing, intimidating.

All that youth and energy...

Not that these aren't wonderful qualities,

just so long as they're kept in their place.

You know, if Dad sees that scandal sheet

and realizes that the lady who he thinks is Dr. Thomas

is really just some aerobics instructor from a $30-a-month gym in Hartford,

my cruising days will be over.

My days will be over, period.

Hi, looks like you're getting shipshape.

We were just talking about Dr. Thomas and her classes--

Oh, really?

She is so trim and athletic.

It was all a mistake, Dad. Sir.

-I wouldn't exactly call it a mistake. -You wouldn't?

No, just more like a "mid-course correction."

Just something we would do differently the next time.

-[dance music playing] -[sighs] There's another class in session.

Uh, let's not go this way.

Come on, let's take a look.

[Charlene] All right everybody, let's get warmed up.

Knees up. That's right.

Now, to the side.

Whoo! This routine must be good for you, because it's killing me!

Charlene?

Now that's more like it! It is?

Merrill and I were just saying that a more mature, full-figured instructor

would be easier for the passengers to relate to.

Yes, if only she were qualified to teach.

Oh, she's qualified, all right. She's... She's just shy.

She hides it very well.

Why do I have the feeling you two have something to do with this?

Somehow I think Isaac deserves the credit for this one.

And the two of you?

It's a long story, sir. A very long story.

You can tell us all about it, right after we sign her for the next health-and-fitness cruise.

Where have you been?

I've missed you.

Elaine.

What are you doing here?

We have a lot in common, Adam.

We share a lot of memories.

I'm not sure I'm prepared to give them up again.

I'm not a gymnast. I don't have the body of a 20-year-old.

I did, but she left me.

I'm no cheerleader.

But what do you say? For old time's sake?

No.

For all the times still to come.

Oh!

So, what are your plans now that the word is out?

I'm already working on my new book.

It's time the world got the message that thin may be in,

but big can be beautiful too.

Thank you for getting the message through to me, Isaac.

Hey, what do you expect from a friend?

Thank you, and thank you. Goodbye, Doctor.

Hope you sail with us again. Yes.

I hate to go.

Then don't.

I have to. My plants are dying.

Sea air is great for plants. You could move them into my cabin.

Adam, I'm still getting over the marriage.

Grieving over Steve?

I'm still getting over our marriage.

Then I have to get over our divorce,

and then, maybe I can work on something more. Fair?

-I'll miss you. -Not for long you won't.

I figure all this grieving should take two weeks tops.

It turned out to be a wonderful cruise, no matter how it started.

In fact, it turned out so well,

that we are coming back in a couple of weeks

for our honeymoon cruise.

And the mother of the bride?

I think she'll be too busy to notice.

Oh, don't take it so hard, Ace.

Carol isn't the only girl for you.

My goodness, there will be other cruises, other women.

Yeah.

Uh, just try to remember, Ace,

life is like falling off a bicycle.

Yes, ma'am. I'll try to remember that.

Captain, I've got the results of the final weigh-in.

-[women] Ooh! Ah! -And the winner is...

Well, it looks like Julie, Vicki and Emily are all still tied.

Does that mean three dinners for two at our favorite restaurant?

It's a plot to bankrupt me.

Well, Captain don't file Chapter 11 yet.

It's true, the three of you did tie, losing five pounds apiece...

but Captain Stubing lost seven pounds.

It looks like he's our winner.

But he didn't diet. He didn't exercise.

He didn't do anything!

Well, I guess trying to keep up with the three of you

burns up more calories than I imagined.

Now, I wonder who I should take

to that romantic dinner for two...

-Captain, you could take-- -Merrill, can we talk...

[theme music playing]