Original subtitles

Previously on "Reginald the Vampire"...

That is the flame that will sweep across your Earth.

Wait. Stop everything.

He wants you to do the one thing he can't,

look into the future.

War is coming.

Vampire will turn against vampire.

But to save them,

Reginald Andres must die.

You saved us!

Emma was my mom's name.

Landlord wants to sell the building I'm living in.

And I am done begging for my life.

Oh, but this isn't when you beg, Reginald.

This is when you receive your gift.

Oh!

You killed my toaster.

I'm about to walk into the darkest dark,

and I can't get Todd off my mind.

Where's your white light?

He killed Sarah.

- I know that. - I'm gonna find Uriel.

And then I'm gonna kill him with my bare hands.

Please exit through the gift shop.

Stop playing that game.

Not going through that door.

Please exit through the gift shop.

Nope.

No.

Please exit through the gift shop.

Please exit through the gift shop.

- Please exit through the gift shop! - Fucking no!

I go where I want to go.

I exit when I want to exit.

I'm not here to take orders from anyone.

I want answers, and I'm not going anywhere

until I get them.

Huh.

Weird.

Claire called it a battle for the soul

of the Vampire Nation, good versus evil,

vampire against vampire.

Yeah, well, Claire also doesn't remember a word of it.

A new beginning will require great sacrifice.

- That's what she said. - Yeah, about that.

The sacrifice?

"Reginald Andres must die."

Not my favorite part of the prophecy.

All the more reason for us to get it sorted out.

Look, I'll be more than happy to

once I cross a couple things off my itinerary.

When you say itinerary...

I'm going to pluck Uriel's wings one feather at a time.

And then I'm gonna burn him alive.

That's pretty specific.

I've given it a lot of thought.

But there's something we should talk about first.

Other than celestial revenge killings?

After Balestro put out his little fire,

he gave me a gift.

- Wait. What? - No one noticed,

but we went back to the shack.

It was just me and him.

That dude loves moving us around.

Balestro gave me a gift because, and I quote,

"my troubles are only beginning."

What kind of gift did he give you?

I don't know.

He said it was a surprise, a gift that I needed.

A gift of knowledge? Gift of power?

Power. Let's go.

We can't let Uriel get away.

Do you really think Uriel's gonna be there?

That's where he took Sarah.

And do you understand what you're up against,

killing an angel?

I'm killing him one way or another.

There's more than one way?

- Just an open question. - And what's that?

Whether or not Uriel's gonna take me with him.

Maybe Uriel moved on.

Could be.

Or maybe he's hiding someplace new.

Left all his souvenirs.

What's that?

Tiny surfboard.

I got it at the Hartville flea market.

I knew she'd love it.

Come on, Reggie.

- Let's get out of here. - She wanted to live at the beach.

She wanted to learn how to surf.

But she stayed because of me, and now she's dead.

Look, man, none of that is your fault, okay?

You got to know that.

For as long as I live,

it'll always feel like my fault.

When I wake up in the morning,

there's a couple of seconds before it hits me.

For brief moment, Sarah's alive.

Maybe she's making coffee in the kitchen

or an early shift at the Shack.

Maybe she's laying next to me.

She's alive and not dead.

It's the only part of my day

where I don't miss her so much that I can hear my heart break.

You okay?

Never better.

You can tell me if you're not.

I'm an excellent listener.

I was just... thinking about how easy things used to be.

We had fun here.

You bet we did.

After you stopped fat shaming me.

Yeah.

Then I was your meal plan.

Then you became my friend.

I feel like screaming...

Every second of the day.

But I don't, because that's weird.

So instead... I keep all that noise inside.

I'm very much... not okay.

I understand how you feel.

I know.

You lost Mike.

Yeah.

Everywhere I look, there he is.

I know the feeling.

There are five stages of grief.

No, no, Todd.

I'm totally informed about grief.

Anger, running errands, acceptance,

ugly crying, and depression.

Pretty sure that's all wrong.

Mm, pretty sure it's not.

Wrong stages, wrong order.

- Agree to disagree. - Well, whatever the case is,

now's not the right time, all right?

Oh, errands, acceptance, anger, ugly crying...

Todd, just stop.

Uh...

Todd?

Uh...

Oh! Uh, hey.

What's up? What's up? Hey.

Can you hear me? Can you see me?

Todd, hey.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Todd. Todd. Todd.

And depression.

Although I think that perhaps ugly crying

actually comes first.

Reggie, you okay?

Rude.

Reggie?

What's up? Everything okay?

Why is everyone asking me that?

Well, it seems like a relevant question.

Okay, well, for the second time today,

let me make it perfectly clear.

I'm definitely not okay.

So tell me what's wrong.

You wouldn't believe me if I did.

Come on, man.

Look, after everything we've been through,

disbelief is not really an option.

Whatever it is, just tell me.

Okay, yeah. Sure.

I could tell you, or I could show you.

Show me what?

I know what Balestro gave me.

His gift?

Gift, curse, superpower.

At the moment, not sure which.

Okay, so to be determined.

- But what is it? - I can stop time...

like he did to you.

Like, Todd, I stopped him,

like, his entire reality.

I pressed pause on it.

How did you do that?

- I don't know. - But?

I wanted him to stop talking, so I yelled it.

And because I wanted him to, he did.

Okay.

So you think it, you want it, and...

and then it happens?

Maybe.

No, Reggie, that's not a curse.

That is a superpower.

But I have no idea how to use it.

Okay.

So we beta test it.

We map it out.

Yeah.

Right.

Like, figure out the parameters,

like how long does it last

or how many people I can freeze at once.

This is good.

But we're gonna need test subjects.

And this is another thing.

I'm a little concerned about the unfreezing part.

I know just the two.

Oh, thank you for this unexpected invitation.

You are truly the very best deacon of them all.

So noble, so kind.

We are thrilled to serve you.

Well, go on, Reggie.

Give it your best shot.

I mean, I'm not really sure how it works still.

Oh, well, how may we assist you

in this mysterious endeavor?

Just say the word, and it shall be done.

Okay.

Stop.

What dark magic is this?

It's something I can do now.

But apparently, it's only one person at a time?

So it's an up close and personal superpower.

- Nothing. - It's like... like a beautiful statue.

That's sweet but not relevant.

Okay, uh,

try saying "go" or...

- maybe "come back" or... - Mm.

Whatever you want or need,

we are here to do your bidding.

Did I say something wrong?

I apologize.

Why are you all looking at me like that?

What if she's frozen like this forever?

No such luck, I'm afraid.

Oh, you bite your tongue.

She's not frozen.

I just stopped her time.

But only temporarily?

Yes, but what if she is frozen like this forever?

Patience, LeBron.

Any second now.

No. No. I object.

This is cruel and unusual.

Wait for it.

- There she is. - Mm.

- Duration? - 11 1/2 seconds.

Okay, pretty simple.

So I can stop time for one person.

- At a time. - And then to do that, I just direct

a thought in their direction.

Don't even need to say it out loud.

And then their time stops

but never for longer than a minute.

Reggie, that's your superpower.

Yeah, superpower, sure,

with a significant amount of limitations.

Well, nothing's worse than an avenging angel

with a sense of humor.

But in the end, I mean, all things considered,

it's more than enough.

Sorry. More than enough?

For what?

I'm gonna find the angel Uriel,

I'm gonna freeze his ass,

and I'm gonna take him apart...

piece by piece.

Well, this has been fun.

Glad to be of service.

And good luck with your angelic murder.

Please act like we never met.

Mr. Flint.

Hello, Irma. How you doing?

- How am I doing? - Just being polite.

Feel like maybe we got off on the wrong foot

with the rent strike and everything,

so I'm trying to manufacture a better attitude.

Would you please explain this padlock to me?

- Oh, right. That. - Mr. Flint...

Turns out, I gave this some serious thought.

- You don't live here anymore. - What?

You look confused but shouldn't be.

You definitely should not be surprised.

But you can't evict me without probable cause.

This is my legal residence until the rental period ends.

Got to admit, you got the law down pat.

But me, I've got the key.

You can't do this.

This is my home.

You have no right to keep me out.

Don't tell me what I can and cannot do with what I own.

I want you out.

I'm asking nicely.

Don't push your luck.

Have a nice day.

So when you say stop time, you mean it just stops?

Like Balestro did to me, like he did to you.

Except Reginald has that power now.

Yeah, he does, more or less.

So any idea how he plans on using it?

According to Claire, there's a war coming.

Reggie's not thinking about that.

Ah, he's thinking about Uriel.

He said he's gonna kill him.

That's what he said.

Reginald Andres is not a killer.

There was a time when the thought would have made me laugh.

I mean, it's making me laugh a little bit right now.

Now Reggie's different.

Losing Sarah changed him.

So do you think he's actually gonna try and do it?

Yeah.

Yeah, I do.

How about you?

How does it feel being out on the other side?

And what side is that?

No more Balestro,

no more death sentence for all of us.

It was a very big weight, and now it's lifted.

Everything can go back to the way it used to be.

Well, maybe it doesn't have to be like that.

You've got a better idea. I can tell.

Patrolling, keeping an eye out

for anyone who needs our help.

That's a better idea.

That just sounds like dinner to me.

Do you remember how it felt when we first met?

You believed in something.

And you taught me how to believe.

Are we really gonna go over this again?

Yes, because I keep thinking you'll come back to it,

the way you were.

Well, I'm thinking I might go back to Paris.

I'm gonna change your mind.

But first, I'm gonna find Uriel before Reggie does.

And off to the rescue he goes.

I tried to be good.

I tried to find goodness in this place.

But I am not worthy of it.

I thought I had found a home.

And I murdered all the good I found...

Those who walked with me...

who took me in.

His name was Mike.

Her name was Sarah.

His name was Raphael.

And he was my brother.

I am drowning in loss.

I am drowning in sorrow.

I am alone in the dark, and I do not know

what to do because you will not answer me.

Please.

Please.

Please answer me.

Hey, that looks yummy.

Oh.

Welcome to Slushy Shack. How may I help you?

A, uh, Pineapple Surprise.

- That's an excellent choice. - Thanks.

Robo-spambot infiltrator.

- And there you are. - Thanks.

- Ah, thanks. Have a great night. - Thanks, man.

Hi. Could I get a Tropical Coconut?

- Uh, excuse me, can I get a... - What in God's name do you want?

A slushy.

Do you hear that?

Whoa, oh!

Whoa!

This is not happening.

Stop this evil madness!

I cast thee out, evil demon.

I command'st thou to stop everything at once!

Hello?

Is anyone there?

Here?

- You stayed outside? - I didn't go inside.

Good.

Don't want him running off again.

Reggie, man, I heard his prayers.

Fuck his prayers.

What's in the bag?

What I need.

Look, I don't have time for this conversation, Maurice.

I just want to make sure you understand the burden of this.

Do you think I don't?

Taking a life, taking the life of an angel.

That's why I'm here.

It's what I'm going to do.

If I'm gonna live forever, I know with absolute certainty

that I can't keep carrying this pain and anger with me.

It's gonna rot me, leave me empty.

If one of us has to die...

better him than me, right?

Don't interfere.

Don't come to the rescue.

I'm doing this alone.

♪ Under her spell like voodoo ♪

♪ Under her spell like voodoo ♪

Hello?

Hi. Uh...

Can I help you?

- Mike. - Unbelievable.

- No kidding. - Not what I meant.

You're here.

But you were dead. I watched you die.

Trust me, that, I remember.

Are you alive?

Is that what's happening right now?

Uh...

Oh, my God.

Did you return from the dead?

Uh, guess you didn't return from the dead.

I'm guessing not.

But you're really here.

Wow.

I guess the third stage of grief

really is wishful thinking.

No, it really isn't.

That's an awesome look, by the way.

A little embarrassing, if you want to know the truth.

Wait. Wait. How did you come back?

No idea. I exited through the gift shop.

I walked into the dark.

Isn't it supposed to be walk into the light?

Maybe that wasn't my destiny.

Vampire after all.

- You're a ghost. - No, I'm not.

- You're haunting me. - I doubt it.

You're like my guardian angel ghost.

That can't be true, can it?

Why else would you be here?

Maybe this is hell.

Dude, way too harsh.

Sorry.

Still formulating an opinion about... all of this.

No problem, amigo.

Got all the time in the world.

- Weird. - Yeah.

Whoa!

- You. - Me.

I prayed for deliverance, but there was no answer.

That's what you deserve.

But now I understand.

Your vengeance is the answer to my prayers.

You are here to deliver me.

Stop!

You took Sarah from me.

You took my world, and you broke it into pieces.

Now I want you to suffer.

I want you to hurt like I hurt.

I want you to burn.

Stop.

She was the best person I ever knew.

She was funny and smart and kind

and so, so brave.

I'm not the one who deserves to live forever.

She is.

Stop.

You broke my world.

What is that?

Flamethrower.

What does it do?

It shoots fire.

Will it hurt?

I was hoping it would.

You killed Mike.

You killed Sarah.

I will never forget all the wrong you did,

all the lives you've ruined.

But I...

Forgive you.

I never knew humans were capable of such grace.

I'm not a human.

I'm a vampire.

But maybe grace is what we need.

Leave.

Go far away from here.

Never come back.

I can read your mind.

It's full of her...

everything you did together,

all the things you never did.

Fuck off, angel.

I can take you to her.

What did you say?

I can take you to Sarah.

Please do that.

Reggie.

- What is this place? - It's a place between places.

Cryptic.

It's true.

Is this... heaven?

Everything is heaven.

Really not letting go of the cosmic, are you?

Nothing on the walls?

The walls are for pictures of the recently arrived.

- But not me? - You're not dead.

Good to know.

Where's Sarah?

Follow me.

- There you are. - Thank you.

- Enjoy. - Thanks.

No one can see you but me.

This is so weird.

An inevitable by-product

of the whole ghost situation, I guess.

So you admit it. You're a ghost.

Well, I'm not sure what else to believe at this point.

Oh.

You really love it here, don't you?

This is your purpose.

You don't need to be a vampire

to be a better version of yourself.

You're already worthy,

waiting for the next customer to walk through those doors

because you can't wait to say...

Welcome to the Slushy Shack. How may I help you?

- You're so weird. - Shut up. I'm trying to work here.

Maybe I'll stick around for a little while.

- Seriously? - Yeah, maybe I can help you out,

understanding that I will never offer an opinion of any kind

- regarding snack rotation. - Oh. Yeah.

Snack rotation is off the table.

Okay, well, first, we should establish some ground rules.

Mike?

Mike?

Have you seen Reginald?

You are not gonna believe what happened.

- Todd. - But it's pretty darn exciting.

- Todd, have you seen Reginald? - Oh, no.

Uh, he hasn't been in, but, uh, it's still pretty early.

Anyways, back to my big surprise...

If you see him, let him know I'm looking for him.

- Copy that. - Thank you.

But also, Mike's a ghost now

and basically my guardian angel.

Ah.

Sorry, you said...

What exactly did you mean by that?

I mean he sits right here on the counter,

and only I can see him.

A ghost?

Yeah. He haunts me.

Sitting on the counter?

Yeah. It's his favorite spot. Don't ask me why.

Maybe Mike knows where Reginald is.

Yeah, 'cause that makes perfect sense.

Mike, sorry to bother you.

Sorry about what happened.

I'm looking for Reginald, and I was wondering...

Dude, he's not there right now.

He'll be back. You can ask him then.

Yeah.

What?

- Okay, bud, you good? - Yeah, I'm great.

Yeah? Okay.

Irma?

Hey, Maurice.

Hey.

You all right?

No, I'm really not.

Got some bolt cutters there.

- Yes, I do. - How do you plan on using them?

The dispute with my landlord took a turn.

Not for the better, I'm guessing.

The man padlocked the door to my damn home.

He doesn't have the right to do that.

What I told him.

What are you gonna do?

What do you think?

Irma, do me a favor.

Wait till dark before you go.

Why would I do that?

'Cause I asked you to.

Sarah.

We pretended we bought a house on a beach in Mexico together.

Looks like she did.

This place belongs to her.

Reginald?

You're here.

I found you.

- One sec. - Oh, yeah, sure.

I don't know how time works here, anyway.

Okay.

Hello, Sarah.

Hello, angel.

Yeah, I mean, definitely had it coming.

But, uh, you'll never guess, uh...

He killed me.

He killed Mike.

And it looks like he killed you too.

Fair point.

But I, in fact, am very much alive.

But you're here.

- Uriel brought me. - What? Why?

Because I...

forgave him.

You took my life from me.

I didn't understand how love made the world go round.

Understatement.

I was infected by that world,

just like Raphael said.

Weird.

It sounds like you're trying to blame the victim,

which is me.

I'm just trying to explain.

No, you're making excuses, you fucker.

I did this.

Nothing excuses what I did.

No, it doesn't.

Please, forgive me for what I've done.

Reginald forgave you, but I can't.

Please exit through the gift shop.

Was that always there before?

- Nope. - They pop up, and they disappear.

Just ignore them.

Not this one.

Why?

It's for me.

Thank you.

I don't deserve what you gave me.

Wait.

How will Reginald get back home without you?

Where do you think he went?

No idea.

- Quick question. - Oh, sure.

What are you doing here? And don't you dare lie to me.

I came here to find you, Sarah.

I came here to bring you home.

You understand that what you're hoping for is impossible, right,

bringing me back?

I don't think that's a thing.

Only one way to find out.

Which is?

Find whoever's in charge.

There has to be a higher power, right?

Saint Peter at the gate, big dude with a beard.

You don't believe in that stuff.

No, but every time I do believe something,

it turns out to be the opposite

of what I should have been believing.

Huh.

You know, I'm pretty sure I know that toaster.

Toaster's a friend of yours?

No, but I've been using it to make

perfectly consistent toast from top to bottom.

Completely lost now.

Uh, those weren't there before.

No, they were not.

Should we see what's at the top?

Yes.

- I just want to say... - Yeah.

Um, in case we become one with the universe

and turn into stardust and don't have mouths to speak,

I'm really glad we met.

There's nothing in my life it did not change.

I have to say, I know the feeling.

Oh.

Okay.

Very strange.

The same place but a different place.

How many times have we sat on this bench?

A lot.

Good memories.

Couple bad ones too.

I remember.

So... I wonder what happens now.

Oh!

Greetings.

Hello?

I hear you're looking for me.

I don't want any trouble.

I just want what's legally mine, please.

Yeah, I don't think so.

Told you already, you don't live here anymore.

Coming back like this with a weapon?

Man has a right to stand his ground.

Give her what she wants,

and no one has to get hurt tonight.

You can't stay here tonight.

We'll wait while you pack what you need.

That wasn't your dad in Oakland all those years ago.

It was you.

What the hell are you?

Oh, we're vampires.

And we're here to save the world.

That was a surprise.

What?

You.

Oh, I'm always a surprise.

I mean you showing up like that.

I like a good fight.

Yeah, you do, but...

Okay, we do not have to make a big deal out of it.

Look, what's on your mind?

You know I can tell, Angie.

Okay.

What you said, it made me...

think about where and when we met

and what that felt like.

I mean, I have had so many different lives,

but remembering that one, Oakland,

you and me,

I don't know, it just...

Thought you were going back to Paris.

Think I want to stay in Akron.

It's not exactly the city of lights, is it?

Yeah, well, you don't always choose your home.

Sometimes your home chooses you.

That's not why you're staying.

Not really.

What do you want, Maurice,

out there in the world?

What is it that you want?

If war is coming

and I'm not gonna bet against Claire,

I want to be ready for it as deacon.

Makes sense.

And I want you to be there with me

as deacon,

the two of us fighting together

like we did before.

Two deacons... side by side.

That's what I'm proposing, yeah.

Can I think about it?

Sure.

Okay.

Thought about it.

And I accept your generous offer.

Hi, Mike.

It's me, Todd.

Can you hear me?

Um, don't be weird.

Look, kind of just vanished there mid-sentence, but...

I want you to know I'll wait for your return.

I'll wait right here until I see you again.

Please come back, Mike.

Okay, got to say it. This is blowing my mind, but...

you're my toaster?

Heaven is what you want it to be.

Tell me what you want.

I have a limited amount of time, as you can imagine.

Toaster is apparently not one for small talk.

So many breads, too little time.

Mm.

Did you come here to make jokes

or to find the answers you seek?

- Sorry. - Force of habit.

You have questions?

Just the basics, you know,

who made the universe and everything in it.

I'm afraid there isn't time for that.

On the clock, like you said.

In a manner of speaking,

I'll tell you anything you want to know,

grant you any wish that is within my power to grant

until the toast inside me pops.

Nothing like a God appliance with a sense of humor.

Bring Sarah back home.

- What? - That's the request.

That's the wish I want you to grant,

and I know you can grant it.

Ah, that's a very popular request but not easily done.

Yes, yes, the cosmic balance that must be maintained,

death for a life, life for a death, so on and so forth.

Reginald, what are you saying?

Do it. Send her home.

She deserves it. She earned it.

You want to take my place.

Sarah is a human filled with light.

I'm a creature of the darkness,

subsists on the blood of the innocent.

This is not a difficult decision.

- Reginald, stop. - Sarah, please.

It's the only way to get you home.

You know what's weird?

I don't remember anyone, you, asking if this is what I want.

I'm trying to be a hero without really thinking about

the person who I want most to look at me like a hero.

Yes.

I'm trying to turn you into my litmus test

for my awesomeness without caring what you feel about it.

Wow.

Okay, since when are you this guy?

Done a lot of personal growth since you've been dead.

Good news.

I believe there's a way for both of you

to get what you deserve.

- Wait. - What?

Who wants toast?

There's a universal balance that must be honored

in life and in death.

Yeah, we've already talked about this.

That's delicious.

A life for a life, my life for Sarah's.

A deal I'm not willing to make under any circumstances.

But wait. There's more.

It's a loophole.

I do love loopholes.

Oh, he really does.

Reginald, luckiest of men, has two lives:

His life as a human, his life as a vampire.

Reginald has a life to spare.

So I give Sarah one of my lives,

she gets hers back,

and I keep the one that's left.

In this way, the balance of life is honored.

Everybody goes home.

Sarah.

Sarah?

Sarah!

Sarah!

Ah!

Sarah?

I'm a motherfucking vampire?

- Synced and corrected by naFraC - - www.addic7ed.com -