Original subtitles

When Lester Grimm was 15,

he went on his first date with a classmate named Paulina.

They saw "The Rules of the Game" by Jean Renoir,

ancl ate at a nice Italian restaurant in the village.

Lester paid with his own allowance.

And when it came time for the good night kiss,

he didn't have the nerve to do anything.

Two more dates of a similar nature followed.

And then, at a classmate's party, Lester found her

kissing a 24-year-old club promoter.

This incident, being Lester's first

real romantic experience, had a deep impact on him.

Subsequent girlfriends were subjected to informal inquiries

concerning their fidelity, or even more disturbing,

their past before him, without him.

- Realize people are laughing at me...

In college, senior year,

Lester's girlfriend of nine months, Ariana,

enjoyed comparing Lester to her previous lover.

Not so much obsessed as curious, that was his distinction.

Lester followed Ariana's ex-boyfriend around

for several nights.

Lester hid in bushes, ducked behind poles

as if he were a private detective shadowing a suspect.

The investigation uncovered nothing, and his girlfriend

left him because he was never around.

Lester blamed Paulina.

But girls mature quicker than boys, he'd been told.

- Hi, Scott.

And then there was Ramona.

- Wait, hold on a second.

That's the other line.

Hello?

When Ramona had time to assess her life,

she saw herself as one of those girls you read about

in fairy tales who saves wounded birds

or takes in homeless people around the holidays.

Of course, she wouldn't do anything of that sort.

But she did have trouble saying no, and as a result,

wounded friends called her, and she took on

more than she could handle.

- Hello?

Scott.

Okay.

Okay.

All right.

Bye.

Hello?

Who's this?

Jenny!

This is the story of Lester and Ramona,

and here's how it all began.

Simple enough.

Vince and Lucretia, recently engaged

and feeling generous with love,

decided to introduce two of their friends.

- I think she looks more like him than he looks like her.

- I'm shy.

Are you shy?

They went on dates.

Lester, who had more than a passing interest in film,

took her to revivals.

And Ramona took him to art exhibits.

She was a tour guide at the Brooklyn Museum

and getting her PhD in abstract expressionism

at Columbia University.

On their second or third date, neither one could remember

exactly, they ended up at a restaurant

both swore the other had recommended.

- Are you sure?

'Cause I thought you had been here.

Lester had a strong feeling about Ramona,

and he made a real effort not to fall back

into old patterns.

He even went out with her and an ex-boyfriend, Curt,

whom she'd remained friends with.

It was easier than he'd expected

not to imagine the two of them in bed together.

They became a team, Lester and Ramona.

Ramona taught him a whistle that they'd use at parties.

On the phone, said to me one word...

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Let's go back to Brooklyn for their first date.

- What do you want to be when you grow up, Lester?

- I teach now.

Well, starting tomorrow, I teach.

- What do you teach?

- A lot of things.

I'm a sub, actually.

- Gross.

- Yeah, everyone hates a sub, especially

at New Utrecht High Dchool.

- Oh, I went out with a guy at New Utrecht.

Mark Osins.

Weird.

I went to Midwood.

- I tried to write.

I did write, but, I didn't want to get caught up with,

you know, all the politics.

- Already on your third career, wow.

What would you do if I bit your face right now, suddenly?

- Ha...

I don't know.

I guess I'd be in pain.

So where's your accent, Brooklyn girl?

- It disappeared.

- No accent, huh?

That's a shame.

I hate it when people don't live up to their stereotype.

- Lester soaked in Ramona's environment.

Objects, styles he imagined ex-boyfriends brought in

and then dropped off on their way through her life.

If he disappeared today, he wondered,

what evidence of his personality might he leave behind?

But right then and there, he didn't want to go anywhere.

- I heard this was good.

I read somewhere.

Somebody said this was good.

- It's okay.

The book.

You know, I mean, but all this New York Times,

he's the voice of our generation crap is ridiculous.

- He's young?

- Yeah, he's our age.

My age.

My age.

He's 30.

I think.

You're what?

- We.

- Oh my god.

- No, I'm 30.

31.

Sorry.

And he's our age?

Wow.

- I can't believe I thought you were 18.

I'm so gullible.

I'm also terrible at telling age.

I mean, you know, he's not the voice of my generation.

He's from somewhere else in America,

like I wanna say Michigan, middle class, went to Cornell.

And now he writes this book about young Manhattanites.

- Cornell.

But, you know, I'm biased

because I went out with him for a year.

- More power to him.

- Beer? - Thanks.

-Anyway, it was my first year out of college,

and he was still struggling writing his first stories...

Funny how people like to flirt

by mentioning their past lovers, Lester thought.

It actually wasn't that funny at all,

but these were clever getting-to-know-you stories,

stories that weren't really about anything,

but acted as time fillers so that maybe

they could fall in love.

- Isn't that funny?

I think that's funny.

- That's great.

Ramona.

That's a real rock 'n' roll name.

Ramona.

- Yeah.

- I think we all need therapy.

That's my new thing.

- Vince is on this therapy kick.

He recommends it to everyone even though

he's not been in it himself.

He could use it.

- If I had the time or the money, I'd do it.

- He told my father to get therapy.

- Yeah.

He took it like it was an insult.

It's a compliment.

It means I see your craziness, and it can be helped.

- My dad doesn't want any help with his craziness,

and he'd rather you didn't see it, either.

Vince, I'm starving.

What are you getting?

Cheeseburger deluxe, kid.

- I thought you said you were on a diet.

- I am on a diet.

- What kinda diet?

- I got that on the fridge, the meals I'm allowed to eat.

- Do not complain to me about your body anymore, okay?

-A|| right, look, not...

- I don't want to hear it.

- This is not the best place.

The couples were joined by their friend, Lint.

- I'm still confused.

- Couldn't read the subtitle over that jerk's head!

Was he her father or...

- He was the father!

- I can't believe you wouldn't stop looking at her.

- She's the lead in the film.

She's in practically every scene.

- I had to pee for the last half hour.

- Sweetheart, you're imagining...

- I mean, if you want to be with an actress...

- Is that so?

- Yeah, and I think it's so much more erotic

if they film somebody in just a bra or just underwear.

I think that the suggestion of sex

is much hotter than the real thing.

- Really?

I find I prefer to see bare breasts.

I think it's much more erotic to show people

as naked as possible.

- Oh really, is that so?

As naked as possible.

-As naked as possible and preferably

in some compromising position.

- Oh my god!

- Mona?

What a surprise!

♪ Hi!

Hi!

God!

Do you live down here?

- No, she does, she does.

Lois, Lois, Mona, Lois.

- Lester.

- Oh.

God!

Man, Stephen.

I was just thinking about you the other day.

I can't remember in what context.

- SQ, anyway...

- Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, I dunno.

You look beautiful.

- Thanks.

We were just coming from the movies.

- That's where we're headed.

I think we're late.

Is it any good?

Which one are you gonna see?

- I think we just missed the French one,

so we can catch the American independent.

Good?

- Not one of his better ones.

- Great, no, sounds great.

Well, guess we gotta boogie.

So, it's good to see you, Mona.

- It's good to see you, too.

- Nice meeting you, Lester.

- So weird!

I didn't tell him he looked good.

Should I have?

Lester gritted his teeth.

Ramona had a life before him.

Let's go.

Come on.

I think he knows that he looks good.

- Hey, Lester?

Hey, Lester.

- Hey, Ramona.

- Tonight, let's just have the suggestion of sex.

No nudity.

Hmm?

- Hmm. - Hmm.

- Dashiell is special.

Stephen was Stephen, you know?

He's the only older guy I ever dated.

He was very smart.

No messages.

And he taught Latin American literature.

PUPPY-

He used to take me out salsa dancing, which I loved.

I know you like to read, so, and you were

looking at mine, and it's good.

If you can get by all the trendy aspects of it,

it's really good.

- Thanks.

"Exhilarating."

A comic tour-de-force.

Powerful and original.

A grand work.

"That a voice so mature could come from a voice so young."

- What would you do if I came over to you right now

and kicked you in the head?

- I'd probably grab my head in agony?

Ask you to leave?

I don't know.

- Those your plays? - Mm-hmm.

- What's that?

Oh, there's a vet next door.

- Yikes.

- Do you ever get jealous?

"Ow!"

Ow.

Ow.

I'm fine.

Don't worry.

I'm fine.

- Do you get jealous?

No, no, not really.

I mean, I've been susceptible to

most of the other deadly sins, but not jealousy.

Mr. Arbuse, the gym teacher,

had an inflamed gill and was hospitalized,

so Lester took over his class.

- Foul!

Good try, good try.

Later that day, Lester opened

an acceptance letter to the reputable University of Iowa

graduate writing program that he'd been

carrying around with him for days.

He'd applied earlier in the year

and had almost forgotten about it.

He chose to hide it.

He didn't want to go back to school.

- A very good example of his fascination

with not just the human body, but the terror

and the loneliness of the human condition.

The figure is almost faceless.

All you can see are the eyes and the mouth.

- She's right.

All I can see are the eyes and the mouth.

- The eyes and the mouth, except for I, personally,

think that that's an ear.

But, you know, I've been told that it's not an ear,

so I guess everybody else is right.

Doesn't it look like an ear?

It looks like an ear.

And...

Vince, have you read this guy Dashiell Frank?

- No, Lucretia did.

Well, she heard it on tape.

Tom Cruise reads it.

She liked it.

It's all about people our age.

- Ramona went out with him for a year.

- That pompous, lucky puss?

- Exactly.

So we can cut the I heard the book's good,

he writes about people our age bit.

- Yeah.

What an ass!

- Gimmicky, predictable book.

- Yeah.

Have you read it?

"No!"

But I know what it is.

You know...

- Gimmicky. - Can't be good.

I won't have it.

- You think people still spit in the cream pitcher?

- Yeah.

- Really? No way.

- You and your sheltered lives.

Of course people spit in the cream pitcher.

Why wouldn't they?

- I'll bet my writing's more the voice

of our generation than his.

You still writing?

- Well, not recently, but I'm reading a lot.

I write letters.

I read.

A lot.

- What are you doing?

- My head itches, okay?

- Why do you constantly parrot me?

- You know, if-

- Listen, I have to tell you guys something.

Just don't judge me, okay?

The other day...

And Lester relayed the events of that day.

Lester happened to be walking in the village

one Wednesday afternoon after his first dentist appointment

in three years, and who should he see but Dashiell Frank,

that aggravating generation-defining writer.

Dashiell was recognizable from the picture

on the back of his book, numerous magazine profiles,

talk shows, et cetera.

Lester watched.

And Lester followed.

Because he was going that way anyway, he thought.

I mean, that was where the subway was anyway,

he said to himself.

- What kismet. - I know.

Too bad he disappeared so soon.

- Oh, I'd love to follow one of Lucretia's

ex-boyfriends around.

Brian.

- Yeah.

It's fun just to follow people sometimes.

Anyone.

- Let me finish the story.

A week later, Lester found himself

back in the neighborhood getting two teeth filled.

Avoiding the dentist for three years will come to haunt you.

Half of his face numb with Novocain,

Lester watched again as the group filed in...

And one hour later, emptied out.

It must be nice to have a routine like this

every Wednesday, Lester thought.

That routine was something he hadn't had

since he quit his job.

Lester just planned to get a glimpse

of an empty waiting room, but to his surprise...

- Hello.

Can I...

Help you?

A patient had just left the group.

Many of the members were new, and Lester

seemed very sincere.

- Excuse me?

- I joined Dashiell, Ramona's ex-boyfriend's, group therapy.

- Oh my god.

- Nice.

Only for a session or two.

- Listen, when I said we all needed therapy,

this is not what I had in mind.

- I didn't plan it.

It was accidental.

He just appeared in front of me.

I didn't ask for it.

- Well, I don't believe in god or any of those things,

but in this case I'm gonna pretend that I do

so I can argue that the ex-boyfriend

was placed in front of you to test you,

and you failed hugely.

- Hey, I just wanted to see what the guy looked like,

and then I see where he's going...

- And you joined his group therapy?

My god, to do what?

- It's for her.

To find out about what she was like, how I can do better.

I'm not gonna speak.

You're not gonna speak.

- No.

- What did you tell Dr. Poke?

I mean, your background, what you want him to work on.

Dr. Poke liked Lester immediately,

and when he asked his name...

- What's your name?

- My name is...

Vince.

- Dr. Poke.

Howard Poke.

- Dr. Poke.

- Nice.

- You said you'd go if you had the time.

I couldn't give my personal information,

because then the writer'|| find out about Ramona.

So I said I was you.

But don't worry, I'm not gonna talk.

It was just so Dr. Poke would let me in.

- I'm a slight bit flabbergasted.

So when you go to therapy next week, the group calls you...

- Vince.

- And if they ask you about your parents?

- I'm not gonna speak.

- If they ask you.

- Marlon and Amy.

- And when does it meet?

- Mondays and Wednesdays, three to four.

- Speak.

No, no, no, don't worry, I'm not gonna speak.

- No, do, speak, please.

If you're gonna do it, get some use out of it.

Find a few things out for me.

- No, no, no, really, I don't plan on opening my mouth.

- Please!

Otherwise, I forbid you to use my name.

Just say a few things for me, then at least maybe

we can all learn from this experience.

- Can I have your pickle?

Ramona was thrilled Lester had joined therapy.

She told him she was proud of him, and then admitted

up until a year previous, she'd been going

to an analyst twice a week.

And when she asked for the address of the office

in case she wanted to meet him after her work,

he defensively inverted two of the numbers.

The real address of Dr. Poke's office

was 264 West 4th street.

Ramona's days were as jam-packed as ever.

She even began to wonder if her brain

could handle all the activity.

She saw a matinee with Arliss, who'd recently discovered

his girlfriend was married.

- Originally I was thinking she wouldn't let me over

because you know, she was messy.

Now I'm thinking it's 'cause she's married.

And then she worked out for an hour and a half.

Then over to the museum by three o'clock

for the first of five tours.

At a break between tours, she wondered

how therapy would go for Lester.

- This room in here has one of my favorite paintings.

Have you ever seen R. Crumb and that cartoon

kind of grotesque images that are like...

Okay, actually, it's actually down here.

Recently, Maria had been going through

a particularly obsessive period,

and had been dominating sessions.

- If I rub it against her soft palate...

Procedure of the group was as such.

Whoever's problems seemed the most immediate would start.

People were then encouraged to interrupt

and offer advice or censure, whichever seemed appropriate.

I could spot him...

As soon as Lester set foot in the room,

he regretted everything.

It was a crazy idea.

What did he expect to learn?

Twice he thought of getting up and running out.

But he didn't move.

He'd made a commitment to Dr. Poke, and to Vince.

- Any thoughts, Vince?

Vince?

- In a few months, I'm marrying my girlfriend, Lucretia.

She initiated the idea, but I'm starting to warm up to it.

I'd tell my friend Lester about Lucretia and me,

all the details.

For instance, a fight Lucretia and I had.

I was an hour late for a date, so she

pushed our stove down the stairs.

This took an hour and 45 minutes.

It was a very heavy stove.

Sometimes I get the feeling that Lester

doesn't want me to get married.

I mean, I tell him that I'm not so sure about it myself,

but I think he feels I'm not quite ready for that kind of-

- Sounds to me like this Lester

might be sort of suffocating.

He obviously wants you to do the same thing he does,

and that's not for you.

- Well...

I think his frankness is appreciated.

Sure, he may not be as far along in life as he'd like,

but he's very smart, and I think that good things

will happen for him.

I hope.

- Those friendships that are based

on when you were different, younger people

can often be debilitating.

- Well, |-

- From what you say, he enjoys hearing you complain,

and you enjoy doing it, but then nothing comes of it.

Well, what are you trying...

- I hate seeing men getting into those situations

where all they do is promote one another's insecurities.

Are you gonna marry Lucretia and start a life,

or are you gonna stay with your friends

calling each other kid?

- My take on-

- Isn't that what you said you called them?

Kids?

Yeah, we call each other kids.

- Trust your instincts.

You love Lucretia, right?

- Yes.

I love her.

I love Lucretia.

- Well, that settles it.

And Lester doesn't want you to be happy.

- No, no, no, no.

He does.

- You just said he didn't.

- Will you let me air a little uncertainty?

He's my best friend.

- He gives me good advice. - Best.

- And it's selfless, and he cares about me.

How dare you suggest anything else?

- I am just responding to what you say to me.

- Well, read between the lines.

Jeez.

Can I say what I was gonna say now?

That night, after group,

Lester was preoccupied.

Having Dashiell in front of him, confirming that the ex

was indeed an existing human being,

turned Lester's thoughts to darker things.

Lester could only bring himself to glance at the book,

to read a little at a time.

The first story, the sensualist,

was about a young writer from the midwest,

who, upon moving to Manhattan, dated a woman from Brooklyn.

Sounded familiar.

Lester read a little further, and then his eyes

began to drift away from the page and into his own mind.

There were things distinctly Ramona-like

about the character Charlotte.

Brooklyn-born, the indiscriminate touching,

the passion for learning.

But other details, Charlotte's interest in theater,

Ramona didn't follow theater as far as Lester knew.

Charlotte was not talkative.

Ramona said what came to her mind.

- Yeah? - Hey, it's me.

- So anyways, he was going on and on, it's Cory hall.

Remember I told you this story?

So this killed.

I go up to him, literally, and I say,

"one solitary swallow does not make a summer."

That pretty much shut him up.

- What?

Vince often knocks on the door of profundity and runs away.

- Oh. Lester's in therapy.

Oh, wow.

That's great.

- Hey!

WOW!

How about that?

Good for you.

Are you feeling any different, Lester?

- Well, it's still pretty early on.

- Really good, man.

It's terrific.

Good for you, Lester.

My man.

- Don't get any ideas, Vince, we can't afford it.

- No, no, no, no, not me.

No, it's good for you.

Lester.

A-number one.

- See?

- They just think I should be careful-

- Lester necessarily had to censor

his report to Vince.

- That's it?

All they say is I should be careful getting married,

make sure I'm certain?

- Yeah, well, you don't want to make your parents' mistakes.

Just be more confident.

- It sounds to me like you're not really

representing me all that well.

Believe me-

- Like you're making me sound too sane.

- Hey, I'm making you as sick as possible.

It's tough, though.

These things take time.

You can't expect a change overnight.

- Yeah, well, it'd be nice.

How about the writer?

Does he have attitude?

- He's a prick.

What do you think?

- Yeah, boy, fame.

Well, I guess it's nice to know he's like us,

puts his pants on one leg at a time.

- How many women have you slept with?

- Oh, I don't know exactly.

- Oh, come on, of course you know.

We used to make lists together.

We just haven't talked about this in a while.

- Yeah, because we're adults now.

We're all supposed to just assume

we've slept with about the same number of people.

The adult number.

So you're up to, what, six?

- I hate this game.

Not here.

This is not a game.

We're having a conversation.

- I need a buck.

Just give her the wallet.

- Just give me the whole wallet, tight ass.

Thanks.

- Please don't let's do this.

Five or six, I don't know.

I've been choosy.

- I'm only at 14, and that's if you count Myrna Leah y.

I think Ramona's up to...

Close to 25.

I try to keep count, you know, whenever

she mentions someone new.

There are 26 men out there who fucked my girlfriend.

Hey, it's not like that.

- Okay, fine, there are 26 men who have made

tender love to my girlfriend.

I mean, being in therapy really opens up these feelings.

I'm trying to figure something out.

When Ramona thinks of Stephen or Dashiell or whomever,

and it's only natural that she'd think of them,

the times they had, positions they did it in,

she has the affair all over again.

-Yeah...

I think you're touching on a darker area

that we're not supposed to think about, like our death.

When you bring up Thanksgiving, make sure you mention

my grandmother was drunk again.

So I think this whole area was originally zoned

for these sorts of clubs.

Of course, there were seven of them at the time.

- Irene and I had Chinese the other night,

and she'd heard me recently on National Public Radio,

and the interviewer kept asking me

how many of my stories were autobiographical.

The guy on the radio, Matt something,

asked about one of the sex scenes

in the story "The Sensualist," a particularly erotic scene.

The protagonist does it with his girlfriend

in a particularly...

Well, I don't want to get too specific, not here,

but it's fairly experimental, and it really did upset Irene.

And she asked me if it was true, and I said it wasn't.

It was based on my life, but I said it wasn't.

Because I felt badly, I agreed to take out

from this Chinese place she likes.

Bad food, but good fortunes.

- And what bothers you about that?

It's part of your past, something you wrote about?

- All Of it.

I feel like I'm not a good writer,

that I wrote a book of short stories,

but I only had one story to tell.

I don't know.

I get into fist fights when I'm depressed.

And I begin to feel that I'm not a good person.

My relationship now with Irene,

we finally hit that point where I've stopped

viewing everything we do as material for my next book.

Thank god.

And she's the first girl I've gone out with

that I haven't been unfaithful to,

and I just want it to stay that way.

I don't want to be unfaithful.

But it's hard.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

It was rare that Lester ever spoke

without thinking a hundred times

about what he was going to say,

but this day was an exception.

What?

- Take some responsibility for yourself.

Don't blame it on your nature.

How can you say, at your age, that you've

never been faithful to anyone?

What kind of boyfriend are you?

What kind of person are you?

- I'm not condoning it.

That's why I'm here.

- But you lament the inevitable demise of your fidelity

with Irene when you can control it.

You can remain faithful if you choose to.

It just takes a little effort.

- You don't know what it's like where I am now.

Vince, I don't know where you are, but-

- Don't patronize me.

Fist fights.

You're not Hemingway or Norman Mailer.

You say you've never been faithful?

Well, that goes back to before your success,

back when you were just some jack-off

who wanted to be a writer.

So don't talk down to me.

Look back into your past, Dashiell,

your past girlfriends, and find out what happened to you.

Who were the ones that mattered?

Hmm?

Who were they?

-A|| right, Vince, Dashiell.

Let's get back to that radio interview.

Dashiell?

- It was a pledge drive.

The host asked me what was next.

- Okay-

Senor Munoz has hepatitis, so I'm going to be

helping you review for your midterm.

It will include all irregular verbs up to saber.

Yes.

Okay, your name is...

Your name is Nat.

Okay, Nat.

I'm going to ask you to repeat that in English.

- Can I have the pass?

I need to go to the bathroom.

- Okay-

Fine.

Anyone else?

All right, if you have any questions,

I'm going to ask you to ask them in English,

because Mr. Grimm doesn't speak Spanish.

Not a lick.

Hello?

- Hi.

It's me.

Lester.

I know who it is.

- I just had maybe the worst subbing experience of my life.

You know, I speak not a word of Spanish.

Lester, I can't talk 'cause I gotta give

a preview tour of the Miro show.

I'll call you later.

- Fine.

You want to have dinner?

Well, I don't know, I just wanna take this night,

you know?

- Uh-huh.

No, I mean I really do.

I'm like that.

This isn't an excuse.

Honest.

- Okay-

Well, how about tomorrow night?

Sure.

Oh, I'm busy.

I gotta go to dinner with these people from work

and a friend of mine, Farley.

- Don't know him.

Farley is...

Well, I don't know.

He's trying to kick heroin, and I said I'd sit with him.

"Ex?"

No.

Not Farley.

- Okay-

Well, look, why don't you just give me a call

when you're free?

Hey, Lester.

I really do have plans, and I really do

just want a night by myself.

I mean, we don't know each other that well yet.

We haven't had one of those things

that we're having right now, so you might think

I'm just making this up.

- Yeah.

I believe you.

"Do you?"

- Yeah.

- Buh-bye. - Bye.

No messages.

♪ It's rainin' so hard ♪

♪ Like it's gonna rain all night ♪

♪ I'd love to be holding you tight ♪

Every time he picked up Dashie||'s book,

he found himself unable to penetrate it,

reading the same sentence over and over again.

Moreover, Lester had forgotten what he did

with his time before he met Ramona.

♪ It's rainin' so hard ♪

♪ Drip drop, drip drop ♪

♪ It's really coming down ♪

♪ The rain all around ♪

Hi, it's Ramona.

Leave a message.

Thanks.

♪ I'd love to be holding you tight ♪

♪ I guess I'll just go crazy tonight ♪

♪ It's rainin' so hard ♪

♪ Brings back memories ♪

r Drip, drop I.

♪ Of the time ♪

♪ Counting every drop ♪

♪ About to blow my top ♪

♪ I wish this rain would hurry up and stop ♪

- Lester?

- HGY-

Oh.

I'm sorry...

I called...

Sorry, I'm out of breath.

I called.

- I was in the shower.

- Oh, that must have been...

That must have been it.

I'm sorry.

- It's okay.

You all right?

- Yeah, I was...

I was just worried.

- Just showering.

- I also called about a half-hour ago.

- Yeah?

- Where were you then?

- A half hour ago?

I don't know.

- Because the phone...

There was no answer.

- Oh, I went out for milk.

I got milk.

For coffee.

- Oh, that must have been it.

Fine.

It was milk.

Ooh...

- Are you all right?

- Yes.

I'll talk to you tomorrow.

- Okay-

- Good. - All right.

- Buh-bye. - Bye.

Who was that?

The next day, Lester told Vince

he was leaving group.

- Lester, we haven't finished my analysis.

What about me?

- I'm sorry.

I didn't realize you were getting so much out of it.

- Well, I felt like we were both making some headway.

- I don't want the responsibility.

I just wanted to learn more about Ramona,

and now I'm dealing with you and Lucretia

and other people in the group.

I just, I feel it tugging at a side of me

that may not be so healthy.

- Jesus, Lester, I'm not prepared to stop.

I mean, I am terrified of ending it.

I'll let you in on a little secret.

I know I appear as if I have it all together,

the law firm, the fiancee, $75 hair cut.

But I'm fucked up.

I'm really fucked up.

I am just teetering on the precipice,

and you're gonna just push me right over.

Just one more session.

One more week.

Two more.

Just two more weeks!

- That's four more. - Four more.

- I dunno.

- Oh, man.

What am I gonna do now?

- I dunno.

Get your own therapy?

- Fuck you, my own therapy.

You started this, you can't just terminate it.

- Okay-

Two more, but that's it.

- Great.

Lester liked fighting with Dashiell.

That felt good.

Lester felt the writer was obviously pompous,

self-centered, and immature.

And there was no mention of Ramona.

Not the real Ramona, anyway.

Just characters from the stories in Dashie||'s book.

Lester wondered, Was Ramona the woman Dashiell described?

- The other night, feeling guilty,

I told Irene that the character in my book, Charlotte,

the one who takes part in the erotic sex scene,

was based on an actual girlfriend of mine.

You told the truth?

- Charlotte was a girl I dated in New York after college.

The real Charlotte, God, my memory is terrible.

The real Charlotte was a bit of a tart.

A what?

- What a Philip Roth character might call a chippy.

She had a number of lovers for a woman her age,

at least in my experience.

In college she dated a lot of those younger teachers

that everybody had crushes on.

The guys wanted to be, the girls wanted to fuck.

One history teacher in particular.

Used to bother me a lot then.

Now I am one of those guys.

- I just wanted to say- - Please shut up.

- It's still a little embarrassing for me

to write like that.

I spend a lot of time with the words.

It's hard to avoid cliches with sex.

I mean, I'd made love to her, so I knew her habits,

her sounds.

I think about her a lot.

Writing about her was a way to have her again.

- How's therapy been?

You know, what are you working through?

Your parents' divorce?

Or your career?

Me?

- Yeah.

You know.

- Which?

- All of those things.

You know.

I don't know.

How when my parents divorced, I began to realize

that they had real lives.

How somehow I'd idealized them up until then.

But that's okay and natural.

But he says that if I choose to go back to writing

while I teach, that I'll probably do very well,

even though I'm stalled a little now,

that I'll get back on track and probably be very successful.

And you.

You and me.

- Do they like me?

- Oh, yeah, very much.

But we've talked about how difficult it is

for a young relationship, when you really care

about each other but don't know enough about yourselves yet.

Those kinds of things.

I don't know.

I've just started.

- Oh hey, I've been meaning to ask you.

Do you like that book?

- "Don Quixote?"

- No, no.

The one that I gave you.

"Post Euphoria," Dashie||'s book.

The first story in particular.

The first one.

It's good.

I'm not done with it yet.

I'm reading it out of order.

- I'm interested to know what you think.

- Yeah?

Lester continued on past the next two sessions,

and routine settled in.

It seemed to him that on the road to getting better,

the group all began to look a little worse.

Maria, who was convinced she and her family would die

after an exterminator sprayed her apartment

with a carcinogen...

- Without my consent.

I don't know where that is in the lease.

Trey, who was going through

his fourth divorce at 36.

- Gained so much weight, I still can't

get my wedding ring off.

And Josselyn, who came after she'd been having

an affair with her other therapist,

and then feeling he had cured her,

left after a month, and so on.

- The reason I was afraid to fly was that I was afraid

of erections, because they both went up mysteriously.

Each problem was worked on

diligently by the group.

They all developed a mutual respect for one another.

Lester got used to sitting in the same seat,

and as the group, instigated by Dashiell,

tore poor Vince's life to bits, Lester defended his friend.

- You're just jealous.

I have good friends.

What's so unhealthy about that?

And I think coke does vary per can.

But more importantly, Lester attacked Dashiell.

- You are so wrong, so full of yourself!

Have you ever thought about this, Dashiell?

- How'd the Met interview go?

- Good.

I think, good.

- Imagine working at the Metropolitan Museum.

- I know.

I don't know, though.

You know?

It's more au courant and all that, but I love Brooklyn.

I would feel guilty, like I'm cheating on my museum.

No, but I would.

- Vince said the most insightful thing

the other day about us.

I wish I could remember what it was.

It happened right after we'd had this fight about lint.

- Go back to 34.

What was on that?

- Soft-core.

- Maybe we should turn in soon, Vince.

- Hello, what's this?

Oh, this movie sucks.

By the third time I saw it I was, like,

"| can't believe how much I don't like this movie."

- I haven't seen it, hold on.

- It's terrible.

- But then the next day, he apologized

and he took me out to dinner, and we were just together.

He's gotten so introspective lately.

I mean, I think he's really trying to change.

Which I think is good.

I mean, you can only find incompetence

- endearing for so long. - Yeah.

Group should be under way.

To think I'm probably being talked about right now.

My nose should be itching.

- So you're saying that I'm choosing between Lester and...

- I'm saying Lester might have an ulterior motive.

Lucretia just wants to get married.

Who knows about Lester?

- God, I'd hate to be talked about

in front of all those people.

Can you imagine?

Our sex life?

For that, I am glad that Vince is not in group.

And besides, you know, I'd kinda be a bit scared

that he might change, you know, in a bad way,

and, I don't know, wanna leave me or something.

- How are things with Irene?

- She's fine.

It's just that...

Recently I've started to lose interest.

I've started thinking about ex-girlfriends,

particularly before the book.

- Like who?

- I can't remember their names.

I don't dwell, Vince.

Lauren.

Abigail, Carol.

Ramona, Victoria.

Another Lauren.

- It's funny, it's like, every time something happens

at a temple group, it's not gonna be good.

Hey, Vince.

Wanna get a drink?

- He did say that he would meet me after group.

You know, I love meeting for coffee.

- Aww. - I do.

Did you think back at Milwood or Sheepshead

that we would be meeting for coffee?

- We drank coffee then, too.

I mean, you make it sound like we were savages.

- Yeah, I know, but this is so adult and glitzy, I love it.

I do.

Thank you.

So.

You writing another book?

- Yeah, I'm writing.

I was given a huge advance for the next one, a novel.

I've never seen so much money.

And I've never written a novel.

I keep thinking this one has to be that much better

because I'm getting so much more for it.

- Well, you're right.

Probably does.

Just write would be my advice.

- We're just having conversation.

I don't need your advice.

- Fine.

I'm just gonna finish my drink.

- Listen, Vince, I wanted to say to you...

- What?

That I appreciate what you do for me in there.

I find most of the group is afraid to speak their minds.

I wish Dr. Poke would encourage more of that.

Since you've joined, I feel much better.

I like our little battles.

I hope you do, too.

- Yes.

I do.

I don't smoke.

I've got the patch.

- I didn't start till college.

It's a disgusting habit.

- Ha.

- I know that's not a particularly original insight,

but it is disgusting.

Look.

I've got this little yellow stain on this.

- Oh yeah.

- This, whatever you call this, above the lip.

- Little yellow mark.

- Two more Jameson.

Neat.

What I love about these babies is you get the cigar

without the commitment.

Beckett smoked these.

You know what I saw the other night

which I'd never seen before?

- What?

- "The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance."

John Ford.

- Good? - It is.

Very.

I wish I were a cowboy.

- You know what I just thought? - What?

- Irene's father is so bald. - Yeah?

- Well, and baldness runs on the mother's side,

so our children are doomed to baldness.

- Hope you have girls.

- Bald girls.

Could happen.

What's Lucretia's father like?

- I dunno.

- Is he? Bald?

- Oh, you'd like him to be, wouldn't you?

- No, no, no.

See, that is your other friends

who like company in their misery.

I would be perfectly happy to hear

that your children would have full heads of hair.

Come on.

Is he? Bald?

- Well, sort of.

I mean, he has hair on the sides.

- That's bald.

- If you mean bald in that it's just sort of

skin on the head, yes.

- Bald?

Lester's right.

Don't marry Lucretia.

Then my clad cited while I was in college.

I was 21.

It's funny, 10 years later I still don't feel like

the kinda guy to have a dead father.

How about you?

You know, I wish I could use words

like chick and doll and sound legit.

I always envy guys who can deliver that kinda speak

to women without sounding stupid or contrived.

I can write it.

I just can't say it.

' Subway?

- Naw, I'll catch a taxi.

Good night.

- Good night.

I'm so sorry, I completely forgot.

Well, I waited.

- I'm so sorry.

- Oh, Lester.

Don't make plans if you can't keep 'em.

- I know.

It's entirely my fault.

I'm sorry.

Hello?

Lester. Vince.

What went on today?

- I can't talk right now.

No, just give me a little nugget.

- I'll talk to you later.

- Which one of my sick friends is that?

- That was Vince.

- Oh, one of your sick friends.

Where the hell were you?

- Well, it was a fairly intense session.

My mind wandered, so I went for a walk, daydreamed.

Saw "The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance" at Cinema Village.

A good liar had once told Lester

that detail was important in the best fibs.

But Lester wasn't a good liar.

He was a truly bad liar.

And Lester claimed to see a movie

he had always meant to see, but had never seen before.

- Well, how was it?

I hear that was great.

- Yes.

It is, yeah.

You heard right.

Did you like it?

For a guy who saw a lot of movies,

he'd also managed to pick a blind spot,

one of the few black and white John Ford films

he knew little to nothing about.

- It's actually John Wayne that shoots Liberty Valance, huh?

Mm-hmm.

- I mean, it's presented as Jimmy Stewart,

but then it's really John Wayne?

- Yeah.

It's like that.

Mm-hmm.

Is it in color or black and white?

- What?

- The film.

Is it in color or black and white?

- Black and white or color?

Color.

- Must have been pretty.

Good print.

Whoa.

Sorry.

- Yes.

Good print.

Lester didn't like lying like that,

but being in Dashie||'s presence excited him,

hearing Dashie||'s problems, commenting on Dashie||'s life.

He felt closer than ever to Ramona.

Making love to Ramona that night,

Lester felt their bodies converge.

He imagined their skin overlapped.

He felt he knew her.

Although on occasion she could be read

as clumsy or careless, Ramona did pride herself

on being rational and un-superstitious.

But lately she developed odd obsessions.

If she didn't make it across the street before the walk sign

started blinking "don't walk," she wouldn't get an.

A on her last essay.

If she saw more than eight pigeons on her way to the subway,

she wouldn't get a raise at work.

If she finished her lecture in under 42 minutes,

it'd be a good day.

If it went over, it meant the subway might be crowded

or she'd have a fight with Lester.

All this frustrated Ramona, who generally

considered herself level-headed.

- Ah, look at the time.

Come on.

Hurry, let's go.

- It's nice to see you. - You, too.

- Oh, this is Irene.

- Hello.

I have a jacket like that.

- Yeah, I know.

I liked yours, so I bought one.

Vince, I'm sorry Lucretia couldn't make it.

- Yeah, so was she.

Well, next time.

We're having the good stuff tonight.

Irene, Vince here has been a big help to me lately.

- You have been, Vince.

He talks about...

You all the time.

- Been looking forward to this drink all clay.

Been blocked today.

All week, actually.

It's funny.

I'm starting to think "Post Euphoria" was all I knew.

♪ A child arrived just the other day ♪

♪ It came to the world in the usual way ♪

Hey, Irene, why don't you tell that story about

how your family had bad clams and your brother Philip

threw up all over the restaurant?

- How can I tell him?

You just told him.

That's the story.

Philip had some bad clams and threw up.

So, Vince.

Did Dashiell turn you on to Scotch?

Too?

He makes me drink it.

I hate it.

I prefer vodka and cranberry.

I could never go to therapy.

I don't like to talk about myself.

- Irene's writing an essay.

About her stutter.

Her dis-fluency.

- My dis-fluency.

- Among other things, it's about how different people react.

You're good, Vince.

You just wait.

- Other people finish my sentences.

- It's a nice essay.

You know, it's funny, you got me thinking about

all those people I knew in college in those first years out.

I haven't thought about some of them in some time.

- I know.

I'm losing my memory, too.

I'm convinced of it.

Irene is great.

- That girl, Charlotte?

The one in the book?

We went out, had such a strange time.

The feelings you feel are so strong, but...

I don't know how real they are.

I mean, who knows if those feelings are real

when you're that age, just out on your own?

- Probably not.

- You know, I am so glad you called me on that line.

I've never dated a girl I didn't cheat on.

What a sad existence.

- Don't worry about it.

Irene is great.

- Yeah, but Ramona.

Ramona.

Hey, Vince.

I'm sure Lester's all right.

Good friends are important.

Thanks for coming.

Lester could actually feel

the world spinning out of control.

- Intellectually, I have to pee.

- Well, go, then.

- I don't actually have to.

I just feel that I should.

Hey, Lester.

Can I tell you something?

- Hey, Ramona.

Yes.

- I'm not sure you're gonna like it.

- Well, I guess I still wanna hear it.

- I just had to come by...

And Ramona related the events

of that already-controversial earlier night.

- I'm lying already, man.

I been outside for a half an hour.

I'm goin' nuts!

Stephen had stopped by uninvited.

He'd been upset.

His and Ramona's breakup had not been

what he thought it would be.

- To stop thinking about you ever since then.

They talked, small talk for a while,

and then he made a pass at her.

At first she responded.

It felt comfortable.

It was a kiss she knew well.

But then she thought again.

She was seeing Lester.

- No. - You sure?

- Yeah.

Then she kissed him again.

- I decided...

It was over.

I mean, I decided for both of us.

I like you now.

- Yeah?

- I mean, you have to understand, I didn't plan to see him.

He just stopped by.

I mean, we had a relationship before.

It had nothing to do with you.

- I understand.

- No you don't.

You should.

- No.

- You sorta should.

I mean, I don't know if I would condone it.

I mean, I don't want it to mean anything.

It doesn't mean anything.

- I'm not angry.

- But I could understand if you were angry,

from a perfectly normal, paranoid, semi-sick,

irrationally jealous point of view.

Ancl I hid it from you as well, which could make it worse.

- Of course I would have preferred to have

heard about it earlier, or for it never to have ever

to have happened, but it's not such a big deal.

- But you have to understand.

I didn't know what was gonna happen between us.

For all I know, we could have been a sure thing.

It was nothing.

And we didn't do it.

Stephen and I didn't do it then.

I mean, we had done it before, but not that night.

- Well, I'm glad you didn't do it.

- And we didn't have any condoms.

- Well, you could have got them when you...

When you went out for the milk.

- But the thing is I didn't go out for milk.

I had milk.

I had unplugged the phone, but you have to understand,

this is from another time.

I was just clearing up business from before you.

- Screen.

Lester...

- No, listen, I understand.

Before me, we weren't us yet.

Lester, this is Vince.

I'm just wondering if there's anything

you want to tell me...

Just checking in.

Okay, just call me.

Hello to Ramona.

Lucretia says hi.

- Hey, maybe it's something you can talk about in therapy.

- Yeah.

Ramona felt good about confessing.

The only thing she didn't mention

was that a few days after he'd stopped by,

Stephen showed up again at the museum.

Ramona, falling further prey to superstition,

the rules her own, found herself trying to make it

from gallery room seven to gallery room nine

in under 25 seconds.

If she made it, she'd get her phD before she was 33.

If she didn't, she wouldn't finish until close to 40.

The catch was she couldn't run and she couldn't

step on the black lines.

- Whoa!

- Yikes! - Whoa.

- Jesus, Stephen!

- Yeah.

I forgot you work here.

And they raced through the pleasantries

while Ramona caught her breath, and then Stephen asked...

- What do you think of the goatee?

Yeah.

I feel stupid with it.

Lois suggested I do it, and I'm convinced now

that she was just trying to make me unattractive

to the rest of the world so I wouldn't go anywhere.

But Stephen didn't give up.

The next day he met Ramona again at work

and offered to walk her home.

Then he made his move.

- Hey, hey.

But Ramona was committed

to seeing things through with Lester.

- We broke up.

I'm happy about that.

Meanwhile, Vince and Lucretia

were having the time of their lives.

Dancing, fancy restaurants, and presents twice a week.

And no lint.

Lucretia was deeply in love, and Vince felt

he was becoming an adult.

- Lucretia did the cutest thing the other day.

God, I wish I could remember what it was.

- I mentioned how you have trouble finishing things,

- and they said... - What are you talking about?

I don't have that problem.

- Well, I guess that's my problem.

You're telling your problems, too?

- Yeah, maybe I sneak one in every now and then.

I dunno.

I've combined both our lives at this point,

but I doubt it affects the diagnosis.

- Oh, well, be careful.

You know, you mutate information like that,

we'll both turn into idiots.

- Hey, I could use a little help too, you know.

- I've been thinking.

One of us has to break this to Milly.

We gotta stop with the same orders every time.

If I eat another cheeseburger...

How about another hit, sweetheart?

- Yes, thank you, Milly.

Coffee's good today.

What about you, darling?

- No, I'm fine, thanks.

- What is this?

- I just feel it's time to stop, change our orders,

even our diner.

At least our booth.

What the hell are you talking about?

- It just isn't making me feel good anymore,

the same thing, drinking coffee.

I always feel bad, worried.

If I'm not shaking, it's like I'm about

to have a heart attack all the time.

- You don't like that feeling?

- I'm getting this from you.

This is your advice to me.

I mean, recently, Lucretia...

We talk about the issues at hand.

We don't avoid things, but we attack them head on.

That's great.

-And sex...

on baby.

Well, sex is the best it's ever been.

I just feel all this should bleed over into my eating life.

I just find it very helpful, ki...

Lester.

I mean, it's great.

I thought I was stuck with this Vince, but I'm not.

And I'm liking the new Vince.

That's a new thing for the new Vince.

- Well, don't marry Lucretia if you don't wanna

have bald kids.

- What?

- What happened in therapy today?

You know, I was saying in therapy

that I didn't really have sex that much in college.

- Me neither.

- Really?

You didn't just play around?

You know, just curious, just learnin' about sex?

No.

- Just playing around?

Attractive students, attractive teachers?

- Nope.

In college, it was just Donald, Sandro,

Max and Arlo, and...

Jeff.

And then after college, Art, Dashiell, Mikey.

Rick.

You know.

- Whoa.

Whoa, wait a second.

Who's Mikey?

Some 12 year old?

- No, just some guy.

I've mentioned him to you, I'm sure.

- No.

We went through our lovers.

You never had a Mikey.

- Well, I forgot.

Or I left it out accidentally.

Maybe we didn't do it.

I don't remember.

Maybe we just did, like, you know...

Other stuff, everything but.

- Mikey.

Hi, it's Ramona...

- It didn't mean anything.

Good, a hang up.

- Well, are there any more?

- Don't worry.

I didn't sleep with a million people.

- Well, that's a huge relief.

We fooled around pretty quick.

We slept together on the first date.

- Uh-huh.

- You were awful trusting.

For all you knew, I could have been some maniac.

- We used a condom.

- That's not what I mean.

You could have waited.

You could have let me wait.

- What?

Why were you so quick to make love to me?

- I liked you.

- So you hop in the sack with everyone you like?

- No.

What?

Are you using my behavior with you against me?

I'm just saying that I think you moved

a little fast with me.

- I don't believe you.

- I'm just saying.

- Are you jealous of yourself?

- I'm just saying.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Lester must have been setting

some kind of personal record, taking weeks

to read a 45-page short story.

Tonight, however, he came to the end

of not only the story, but the relationship.

Dashiell depicted.

In the last paragraph, Dashiell quoted

from Gustave Flaubert's "The Sentimental Education."

"|n every parting, there comes a moment

when the beloved is already gone from us."

- Don't...

Be gentle.

- And you were saying, Leo?

- Yeah, so, initially, she lied and said

the guy wasn't there, but it turns out

that she'd invited her ex-boyfriend over behind my back.

And therein is the lie, that...

It sets a tone for the entire relationship.

You're always, now, you're always playing catch-up.

A week earlier, Lester had asked

Vince for a favor.

- Because I have to leave the analysis,

and now you can come in and just change over to my problems.

I mean, to Vince's problems.

To your problems.

- Become myself.

- Right.

Right.

See, that way, I can get out, and you can still benefit.

So you come in, help me out a little bit,

and then slowly change over to your real life.

I mean, you'll have to use different names

and make up some stuff, but it'll work.

I mean, really, there are just a few problems

out there anyway.

You're bound to have most of them.

We must share a lot of them.

Come on, whaddaya say?

Be me?

-And then she lied.

I mean, it was early in our relationship.

She says we weren't us then, but I dunno,

to me it suggests a lack of commitment up front.

And that is the starting point.

That is the springboard into the relationship.

I care less now, and when she comes round

wondering about why I...

And so, as agreed upon,

Vince became Lester, named Leo, while Lester remained Vince.

But why Vince spoke with an English accent,

Lester couldn't even begin to imagine.

-And I feel also, now if I say to her, "do you smell that?"

And, "oh yeah, I smell it."

Does she?

I don't know.

Because you lied before.

Maybe you don't smell this now.

Maybe...

- Leo? - Yeah.

- Do you think she still cares about the boyfriend?

- Do I think she cares?

Do |?

I don't know.

What do you think?

- How do I know?

I don't know her.

- Well, I guess in my deepest, darkest thoughts,

she does, maybe.

- You mentioned you'd been jealous in the past, Leo.

Why don't you talk about that?

- This has been a pattern.

When I was 15, I caught my first girlfriend

making out with a club promoter.

Ancl later on in college, I dated this girl,

and I became quite obsessed with the notion

of her ex-boyfriend, then the reality of her ex-boyfriend.

I trailed him around like a detective trailing a subject.

I can't believe you went out with this guy.

You know what kind of reflection that is on me?

And she ended up dumping me because I wasn't around much.

Of course, I was always with her ex-boyfriend.

It's a self-fulfilling prophecy, I guess.

I mean, I regret nothing.

It just seems I always get to this point in relationships

where my jealousy keeps them from moving on

past a certain point.

I'm getting older.

I'd like to-

- Seems perfectly normal to me.

Your girlfriend now...

- Lisa.

Lisa Popadimitrio.

- Lisa was probably insecure about your feelings

at such a premature time in your relationship.

It protects her, keeps her from getting too involved.

She hasn't seen this guy since the night

you ran over to her house, has she?

- I don't know.

What do you think?

- No.

I doubt it.

- Yeah.

Yeah, me, too.

- Well, so don't worry, then.

You're a jealous guy.

We all get that way.

You're just expressing it more deeply.

- Yes.

' Yes?

- Yes.

- That's great.

- And how are things with Lester, Vince?

- Good.

Is he still pushing you away from the marriage?

No, no, no.

He's better about that.

Have you felt more aware

of his ulterior motives?

- So all this time, they've been telling me

not to hang out with you.

- No, they've been telling me not to hang out with me.

- You hid that from me.

That's a valuable part of my therapy,

and you hid it from me.

Now I don't know what to do.

I'm probably half a diagnosis.

I'm half a man!

- But you and Lucretia are getting along so well.

- It's probably an illusion.

We're living a lie.

- Don't be so dramatic.

- You can't mess with these things.

It's like a chromosomal makeup.

And you were hurtful and mean in therapy.

- I was...

And why in god's name were you speaking

with a British accent?

- I don't know, he feels British to me.

Leo feels British.

- Leo feels...

Leo's supposed to be me.

- Look, it's a choice I made, and I stick by it.

If you're unhappy with it, I'll try something else

next session.

- You can't very well change it now, can you?

- No, I suppose that would be confusing.

All right, that's it.

It's over.

Therapy's over.

We're terminating our analysis.

Where are you going?

- The new Vince doesn't feel like being with you suddenly.

The next session, Ramona thought

she'd surprise Lester after therapy.

In her haste, she actually recalled the address incorrectly,

and re-inverted the digits four and six

and went to 264 West 4th Street,

which, in fact, was the right address.

Confused and suspicious, that evening,

Ramona and Lucretia took in a show

of the black and white "The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance."

And then they waited for their boyfriends.

But until they had further proof of what exactly

was going on, they swore each other to secrecy.

- Lester?

- Yeah?

- "The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance" is in black and white.

- Yeah?

- You said it was in glorious color.

- Yeah.

- Remember that?

- Yeah.

So what's your point?

-Are you having an affair?

- What?

What are you talking about?

- Yes or no.

- No, of course not.

- Well, I don't know.

You're preoccupied.

The movie's in color, we don't see as much of one another.

We haven't made love in over a week, I think.

- I'm absolutely not having an affair.

Are you?

- No.

- And I finally got the nerve to get

the cabaret act up and going.

I think it will be well received.

- Vince, anything you'd like to talk about?

- No.

I'm good today.

Lucretia and I had a big talk.

I feel fine.

- Feel free to pipe in at any time.

Leo?

- No, I'm fine.

Thanks.

- Dashiell?

- Four days ago, I had to make some calls.

Business.

My agent, my editor, a producer

who wants to option "The Sensualist."

Suddenly, I found myself looking up

a name in the phone book.

Ramona Ray, my ex.

She was listed.

I let the phone ring once, twice, my finger

on the hang-up button, praying, of course,

she doesn't have that caller ID.

And then I hear this voice.

"Hello?"

I listened, I just sat there.

"Hello," she repeated.

"Hello?"

I finally hung up.

It was childish, I know, but...

A lot of what we talked about raced through my head.

Things I've been trying to write,

friendships I've formed recently.

Vince.

Leo.

I think that we have all been getting better together,

figuring out our relationships.

Ancl I don't generally believe in luck or fate,

but one day after therapy, when I came out of the building,

and there was Ramona.

She was with a friend, who I guess I'd met

a few years ago when we were together.

I was in shock because I'd been thinking so much of her

lately, and she suddenly materialized in front of me.

She came towards me and I asked her to take a walk with me.

We talked.

We talked for a while, we had coffee.

It was a little awkward, yes, but it was so good to see her.

She's got this great job at the Brooklyn Museum.

So she was in great spirits.

She had a whole other art degree when I knew her.

Now she has, like, four.

And her accent, her adorable Brooklyn accent

that she'd been trying to lose has turned into

something so elegant, so un-Brooklyn.

We talked about her wanting to get out.

She wants to move to Manhattan.

About the film she wants to make about Brooklyn.

It was great to focus only on her.

It was all about me years before.

I don't know.

I loved flirting with her again.

Our relationship had turned so sour, and to wonder again,

to imagine her naked.

To re-fall in love was such an experience,

better than if we'd never met.

For the first time, I understood why people would remarry.

-And did she seem to feel the same way for you?

- I don't know.

I don't know.

She liked talking to me, and afterwards when we made love,

I knew she wanted to make love to me.

That much I do know.

- What a great New York story.

- It's like a goddamn fantasy.

I'm gonna do something.

Where's he going?

- Dashiell.

You mentioned another girl with Ramona.

Yes.

- That's great.

Fine.

Just checking.

- Who are you waiting for?

- You lied to me.

- You slept with him.

- Yes.

- Okay, I'm just glad your stories are straight.

- Vince. - Isn't that what you wanted?

- Vince! - Yeah, yeah.

- Vince, what are you doing?

- I'm in therapy. - What?

Why are you British?

- Ramona.

Vince, I need to talk to you.

And why is he calling Lester Vince?

- Because that's the name Lester goes by

in our group therapy.

- Hey, Lester, you lied to me about

almost everything that exists between us.

- Yeah. - You made this happen.

- Ramona. - Vince, you know Ramona?

- I think we all have our different ways of ruining things.

- Lester.

' Yes?

- I can't believe you, Vince.

- Ramona, you know Lester.

- I just wish you could be as jealous of me as I am of you.

- We love differently, Lester.

- You both know each other.

- She's my girlfriend, Dash.

- I can't believe this.

- I'm sorry, Dr. Poke.

- And that's my fiancee, Vince.

- Oh god, so you're Vince?

- I'm Leo.

- No, you're Vince now.

- Okay, I'm Vince.

- I knew no one who sounded like that

could possibly be British.

So you're Vince.

You're the one getting married.

You're the one who wishes his fiancee

be more open about different sexual positions.

- Oh Vince.

Ramona.

Ramona.

- Shut up for a minute! - How could you do this to me?

- Ramona, did you know this is...

- You suck!

Lu, Lu!

Lucretia!

- Perhaps we should all go back inside.

- You son of a bitch.

- Jeez.

- She's my girlfriend.

Ow.

I've never hit anyone before.

- It's only my second.

- I'm sorry.

♪ I love you in the morning ♪

♪ Our kisses deep and warm ♪

The sad thing, Lester thought,

that in all this he'd just become what he detested most,

Ramona's ex-boyfriend.

♪ Many loved before us ♪

♪ I know that we are not new in the city ♪

IAnd in forests they smiled like me and you ♪

♪ But now ♪

Several months later, at the University of Iowa...

Lester!

Lester!

- Yeah?

- We just wanted to tell you that we think

that your play is really terrific.

It was really nicely clone.

- Jesus, it was so involved.

I mean, the guy, he follows his girlfriend's ex-boyfriend,

and he joins his group therapy.

I mean, it was wild, you know.

- Yeah, then the ex-boyfriend turns out to be a killer.

- Yeah, that was-

- I was really blown away by it.

- Thank you.

- No offense, but it was much better than your other play,

the one about the three middle-aged women

who are driving cross-country.

They were alcoholics.

- Yeah, that was a little misguided.

- Well...

Well, we'll see you.

- Yeah, great work, man.

- Thank you.

♪ You know my love goes with you ♪

Lester loved school.

He lived alone in his studio apartment in Iowa,

without a TV, I might add, and wrote.

Lester was invited to New York for a wedding,

and his mind fell back on older times.

He didn't know why, but he began to search his poor memory

in an attempt to have it over again.

- I do a pretty good muppet walk.

♪ We said goodbye ♪

♪ I loved you in the morning ♪

♪ Our kisses deep and warm ♪

♪ Your head on the pillow ♪

♪ Like a sleepy, golden storm ♪

♪ Many loved before us ♪

♪ I know that we are not new in the city ♪

♪ And in forest they smiled like me and you ♪

When Ramona had decided

to go back into therapy, she hesitated calling Dr. Poke.

He had been, after all, Lester's psychiatrist.

But as time progressed, she hadn't met anyone she liked,

and Dr. Poke's reputation was quite impressive.

They met, and the talks were valuable.

And when it got right down to it,

he really knew nothing about the real Lester.

- Oh, so, hey.

I crossed the street all last week

and it didn't matter how many pigeons were around me

or if the light was blinking when I got

to the other side of the street.

Well, as long as you cross on the green.

- Oh, yeah, of course, on the green, on the green.

- The foundation of a civilized nation.

Now, in keeping with the personalized nature

of this service, Vince and Lucretia

have written their own vows.

Go ahead.

- Lucretia, as we embark on what will

hopefully be a lifelong journey together,

I find myself asking myself what is a marriage?

Webster's defines marriage very succinctly, very clinically,

and told me nothing I didn't already know.

Friends and family all echoed similar themes.

Ancl yet still, I found no enlightenment.

And then it hit me.

True love defies definition.

It is a mystery.

Tree, they adequately named this forest staple,

but says nothing of its complexities.

Thusly, I take your hand, and together we step

together into a void, a darkness that we will illuminate

with our hearts, and create our own definition,

one that Mr. Webster could never conceive of.

I believe and know it was fated that we meet,

and if it wasn't at the Milo O'Shea St. Patty's Day do,

it would have been in some other bar.

Sorry, Mom.

As Roger Daltrey says, "one and one don't make two,

one and one make one."

Thank you.

Oh, and with you, Luc, one isn't the only...

Isn't the loneliest number.

Thank you, Lester.

Sorry I botched that.

Lucretia, thanks for the jello shots those eight years ago.

Thank you, and thank you for that evening eight years ago.

Thanks for accepting my proposal four years ago.

And thanks for going through with marrying me today.

I am eternally grateful and terminally smitten.

Love, Vince.

- Vince, I love you and I want to spend

the rest of my life with you, and I intend to.

-And now you may kiss the bride.

- How's L.A.?

- It's good.

How's Iowa?

- Good.

I read that short story of yours in the New Yorker.

It was great, really touching.

My classmates are jealous I know you.

They respect you a lot.

- Thank you.

- I finally finished your book.

- Yeah?

What'd you think?

- I liked it.

I thought the last story was a little long at the end.

I think you were a help to Vince.

I think the marriage will benefit from your help.

- I still expected to see you up there getting married.

- Yeah, well.

- No.

Quit.

- When you break up with someone

you get that dramatic feeling like that was it.

I'm never gonna see that person again in my life.

Then you run into him at a wedding.

- And it ruins the drama.

- It's like that in the beginning, too.

It's not just a kiss and love begins.

I guess we had to figure out our own stories, too.

- I guess we did.

- Hey, how does your story end, Lester?

I've just got used to being without you.

- I know.

It took me a while to stop thinking of myself

as your boyfriend.

And even longer to stop thinking of myself

as your ex-boyfriend.

To stop thinking of myself in reference to you.

She thinks it'll never work out.

We're different now.

He thinks, I messed this up once,

who thinks I'll be better this time?

And yet, with all this fatalism floating around

in their brains, they couldn't move away from each other.

- Who was that guy over there that you were talking to?

♪ I was dreaming of the past ♪

IAnd my heart was beating fast ♪

♪ I began to lose control ♪

♪ I began to lose control ♪

♪ I didn't mean to hurt you ♪

♪ I'm sorry that I made you cry ♪

♪ I didn't want to hurt you ♪

♪ I'm just a jealous guy ♪

♪ I was feeling insecure ♪

♪ You might not love me anymore ♪

♪ I was shivering inside ♪

♪ I was shivering inside ♪

♪ I didn't mean to hurt you ♪

♪ I'm sorry that I made you cry ♪

♪ I didn't want to hurt you ♪

♪ I'm just a jealous guy ♪

♪ I didn't mean to hurt you ♪

♪ I'm sorry that I made you cry ♪

♪ I didn't want to hurt you ♪

♪ I'm just a jealous guy ♪

♪ I was trying to catch your eye ♪

♪ Thought that you were trying to hide ♪

♪ I was swallowing my pain ♪

♪ I was swallowing my pain ♪

♪ I didn't mean to hurt you ♪

♪ I'm sorry that I made you cry ♪

♪ I didn't want to hurt you ♪

♪ I'm just a jealous guy ♪

♪ I'm just a jealous guy ♪

♪ I'm just a jealous guy ♪

- I'm not playing another game.

Let's pack them up.

I'd sooner make castles with them.

I'm not bringing them again, either.

- I don't ask you to bring them.

- It's just like when we used to play D&D.

- You're so excited.

You're probably here hours earlier getting 'em ready.

- Qkay, okay.

You still have my 20-sided dice, too.

- That's from, we were 12!

- I would like it back.

- I don't know where it is.

- We were 12, we were 15, we were 32.

What difference does it make?

- There we go.

Please, translate.

I need“.

- Time has no meaning.

What we need is subtitles.

- Thank you, that's helpful.

Time has no meaning, so I guess I'd better...

- Vince needs constant subtitles like the opera

so we know what's really being said.

- That's good.

I saw Traviata with Lucretia.

Yeah.

- You've become so...

- I went that one time.

Really?

- You've lost weight in your face.

- Oh, yeah!

- In the jowls.

- You've lost weight in your jowls.

- To say I have jowls implies that I was heavy.

- Well...

Yes, there was that period...

- Yes.

- In your, mid to late 20s when you porked out.

- Yeah.

- You should do this when you go to sleep.

- I do that.