Original subtitles

Greetings, Princess Dyanna.

I hope you had a safe journey.

I am Cassia,

the liaison for your visit.

The Princess is not used to travelling

in such stormy conditions.

My apologies.

This is our off season.

But the storms will not interfere

in your vacation here at Pleasure Station.

Of that I can assure you both.

Tara's my bodyguard,

not my companion.

I see.

Well, we have many activities

to keep your "body guard" occupied,

while you may entertain yourself privately.

That won't be necessary.

I would just like to make sure you know who the client is.

Of course, Princess.

Welcome to Pleasure Station,

where your every fantasy becomes real.

Doesn't look very inviting.

This is merely our greeting bay.

I assure you the rest of the station

will be much more to your liking.

The Princess has very specific needs.

We called ahead.

I understand the Princesses desires completely.

All preparations have been made as requested.

And if I can personally

be of any assistance,

please don't hesitate to call upon me.

That won't be necessary.

I will attend to any of the Princesses needs.

Tara, I can speak for myself.

Of course, Princess.

It's your security I'm most concerned for.

I understand, but please know,

the Pleasure Station has one of

the largest security forces in the sector.

You have absolutely nothing to fear.

Thank you, Cassia.

Tara is paid to worry about me.

Now, I'd like to get on with my vacation.

Time here is short.

As you wish, Princess.

Please follow me.

Oh, and I hope you

didn't bring a swim suit.

There's something about her that I don't like.

How do we know we can trust her?

Tara, you're always so suspicious.

She's just an employee.

Every time an attractive woman comes around,

out come your claws.

It's not that, your highness.

It's just...

There's something about her.

I feel like I've seen her before.

I'd like to see more of her.

But for now, put your suspicions aside

and let me enjoy myself.

Of course, Princess.

I hear the pleasure droids

of Exter are like none other.

Let's find out.

Master.

Is everything ready as planned?

Yes, Aria, standing by.

And the Princess is here?

She is.

Our intelligence was correct.

And is she alone?

No, master,

she has one body guard with her.

Only one?

How foolish.

Where is she now?

She is in the Venusian grotto,

being "entertained"

by a pleasure droid.

Hmm, excellent.

My fleet is standing by and prepared to attack.

Soon we will control this station

and create a new outpost

for my Recusa star system.

And the Princess?

Once she becomes our prisoner

no one will dare retaliate against us.

She is the jewel

in the crown of hostages.

With her in our pocket,

all resistance will cease.

Without her...

Our planet will be destroyed by the Federation.

That won't happen.

You'll see to that,

won't you?

Your desire is my command.

Start the attack!

Commence attack on Pleasure Station.

Crush all opposition.

Now, bring me the Princess.

Soon this rotten little asteroid

will be all mine!

Your masseuse awaits you, Princess.

Good.

I hope she has strong hands.

I could use one after that.

What's that?

Smoke detector?

We're under siege, your Highness.

Why would anyone attack the Pleasure Station?

I think it's a plot to kidnap you.

Kidnap me?

Aria of Electros has always been a rebel traitor.

I'm sure she's behind this.

Aria? Just my luck.

Caught in an alien whore house with my pants down.

We've got to get out of here.

Come on, let's try the loading dock.

Maybe we can hijack an escape shuttle.

Okay.

These space pimps are no match for my skilled pilots.

This won't last long.

Hurry, we don't have much time!

But do you think this thing

will actually fly?

There's only one way to find out.

But do you really know how to fly this thing?

Does it really matter at this point?

All right, here we go.

Fingers crossed. We got incoming.

Well, at least if it's my time to perish,

I died after being licked senseless by an android hooker.

Don't talk like that.

We're not gonna die... I hope.

There's one coming right at us.

Oh, no... ah.

We've got one left behind us.

I don't think I can shake him.

Hey, pal, tailgating is illegal in this quadrant.

Good job, Princess.

But we're headed straight towards that asteroid belt.

It's our only chance.

Do you think we can out maneuver them without killing us?

Are you crazy? I don't know how to fly this thing.

Then let's just close our eyes.

We've slowed down.

Does that mean we've entered a friendly solar system

where we'll we welcomed and meet new friends

who will protect us from Aria's evil plans to kidnap me?

Um, no.

It means the engine's on fire.

Damn it! Now what?

We only have one choice.

We have to jettison ourselves

off of this ship

and take our chances.

Chances, but where?

There's a planet, straight ahead.

Where is she?

I don't know.

They must have found a way to escape.

How is that possible?

We have the place surrounded.

Perhaps they stole one of the escape shuttles.

Eluding my trained fighters?

I don't believe it.

I'm afraid it's true, Aria.

We've had reports of one small ship slipping through.

It must be them.

Do you know what this means?

That I won't be vacationing in Qualitron next week.

When they find out we don't have the Princess held hostage,

our asses won't be worth a plug nickel.

What do we do?

You've got to find her and bring her to me.

In the meantime, I'll pretend as if we really do have her.

That should stall off a counter attack for now.

But you need to hurry.

I can't get busted again.

I'm on my third strike.

I'll do my best, master.

All royal family members have an implanted tracking chip in them.

Use that and it'll lead you right to her.

Isn't this amazing? Just look at it.

Let me guess.

45 hundred new numbers

you've never seen before.

Better than that, 48 hundred.

Every day I send dozens of messages out into space.

Every day, I wait for someone to answer back.

Collect call from Uranus on line two.

You're killing me, Jake.

I know to you this is all trivial.

But to me this is important.

I know something is gonna happen, something big.

I haven't seen anything big from you in days.

Suzi, I'll make time for you this weekend.

But right now, I've gotta wait to see if someone in

the outer reaches of space wants to instant message me.

Trust me, babe, E.T. is not phoning home.

If you're bored, why don't you just go home, call it a day?

It's not that I'm bored, Jake.

The only time I get to see you is when I hang out here.

That's not true.

We do live together.

No we don't.

I live in a big house with a big comfy bed.

And you live... here,

in UFO central.

The search for extraterrestrial life is a thankless one,

but it's my job.

To look for UFO's where there are none?

I wish you could see how important this is.

If I were to actually make contact

with an honest to god UFO, I'd be famous.

I could write my own ticket to

the top of the scientific slog heap.

I know, I know, it's just you spend

so much time studying the heavenly bodies.

What about me?

What about this body?

You know I can't concentrate

when you do that.

Well...

how about now?

Is this better?

Suzi...

Come on, baby.

I want your rocket,

and I want it to blast off right now.

You know, sometimes,

you can be very persuasive.

I want you to produce a real UFO,

an unbelievable fucking orgasm.

I think I see one coming right now.

What's that?

It's probably the microwave, come on.

That's the atmospheric disturbance meter.

Something's causing a ripple in the upper stratosphere.

You don't think...

Uh, it could be.

It looks like

something's trying to break into our orbit.

A UFO? Please!

Maybe, I have the server co-ordinates.

You do that.

I'm stepping outside.

Suzi, you smoke after sex?

I don't know. I never looked.

We must transport to the surface.

But we must do it quickly. Hold me tight.

Not now, Tara. Can't we do that later.

No, hold me tight, so we can transport together, quickly!

Oh, right. Okay, I'm ready.

Holy shit!

Well, that could have been worse.

If only I knew where we were.

What a strange place this is.

Look!

Well, that's just great.

There goes our wheels.

Suggestions?

We need to find food and shelter,

and a place to pee.

Do you have a device that will help us do such a thing?

Yes, your highness.

Heads.

This way.

Jake, I saw it, I saw it!

Saw what?

The UFO, or whatever it is.

Where?

It was falling from the sky, and it was on fire,

and it blew up when it hit the hills.

Blew up?

Yeah, ka-pow!

Nothing, nothing but smoke.

I'm pretty sure all you saw was a meteorite.

It happens all the time.

But in broad daylight?

Well, that's unlikely,

but it's probably all is was.

Too bad.

I was really hoping for more.

Jake, this was no shooting star.

You're right, let's go home.

I can't any more of this today.

Okay, but don't give up, babe.

The truth is out there.

Thank you.

You can run through a million star systems,

but you can't hid from me, little Princess.

Cassia to Master Aria, come in.

I've located the Princess on the third planet

in the star of Braxis.

Come in. Aria?

Hello?

What is she doing?

Look, Princess.

Praise Targas!

Perhaps we can take shelter there.

It's a primitive construction.

Not much curb appeal,

but we're in no position

to be choosy.

It will allow us to regroup our thoughts

and plan our next move.

But what if we encounter an alien race?

Let me do the talking.

Got it.

Time to put this baby on auto pilot

and do a little hooter hunting.

Auto pilot activated.

What place is this?

It looks like a food storage facility.

A kitchen?

Yes, are you hungry?

I could eat a mahar.

Hmm... what is this?

It looks like my cousin.

Ah, look Princess.

Good work, Tara. Let's eat.

Agent Daniels, come on in.

You asked to see me, sir?

Yeah, take a seat there.

What can you tell me about the UFO tracking station

at Santa Mira Springs?

Well, to be honest, not much.

It's been pretty hush-hush.

Sparsely maintained.

No tangible results from the center have been reported,

at least, none that I'm aware of.

Until now.

Until now?

Intell has it that something big

came out of the sky there,

and crashed, today.

The problem is, I haven't heard

anything from the center.

That's strange.

Do you have any idea what it was?

Not at all.

But there's also reports that something strange

entered our orbit within a half hour of the crash.

Something totally unexplained.

And you'd like me to go check it out.

Right, I've been trying to get a hold of Jake Johnson.

He's the scientist who runs the center up there,

but no luck so far.

Now, I don't know.

Maybe he didn't come in today.

Maybe he took the afternoon off and went home.

I just don't know.

Got it.

I'll go visit the center.

Negative, agent. I want you to go

straight out to his house.

He's very isolated.

There's no cell phone.

There's no computer, nothing.

But I think he's our best hope.

If he's out there, sir,

I'll find him.

And, Daniels, if you do find him,

and he knows something,

I'm depending on you to keep it zipped.

You can count on me, sir.

Good.

What?

Why's the door open?

I don't know.

Do you smell that?

Yeah, did you leave the oven on again?

Of course not.

What the hell is going on here?

Greetings, Earthlings. How?

How?

Earthlings? I think maybe you better start explaining.

Well, we got lost...

Lost, just completely lost.

And we came upon your construction.

Beautiful place.

Really nice.

And no one was here.

Not a soul.

So we thought, maybe you wouldn't mind?

Is it okay?

We can leave. It's not a problem.

I'm just so confused.

Your clothes?

Everything is just so strange.

Are you guys from Centerville?

I got dressed in a hurry.

I was being kidnapped.

Kidnapped?

Yes, you are addressing Her Royal Highness,

Princess Dyanna of Alton Four.

And I am her

body guard, Tara.

You're kidding me, right?

I don't kid.

Suzi, do you think it could be?

Oh, that thing that crashed in the hills.

No, this is fantastic.

This is what I've always dreamed about.

I can't believe it.

I mean, they do look pretty fantastic.

All right.

Oh, my God.

Okay, ladies, please finish your meal

and we can have a little chat... please.

Suzi, do you know what this means?

That two big-tittied twits cleaned out our kitchen

and now we have to go grocery shopping.

No, I mean, what if they

really did come on a space ship

here from another galaxy?

You really think either one of those two has the intelligence

to find their way out of a K-Mart parking lot?

Stranger things have happened.

Name one.

All right, let me start again.

What if they're telling the truth?

Maybe they did escape from outer space.

They look like they escaped from a Frederick's Catalogue.

Either way, it's not bad.

There's only one way I can prove it.

I need to test their clothes.

I'll bet they're made of fabric

that's not of this Earth.

How are we supposed to get their clothes?

You're a girl. Think of something.

What...?

This is our room.

You can change in here.

So, please explain to me again why you guys want my clothes.

Well, if you really are from another solar system,

the fabric of the clothes will prove it's alien composition.

I have to study it, run some tests.

All right, if it proves

that we're telling the truth.

You could borrow some of

my stuff while he runs tests.

I'll let you ladies sort things out.

Take your time.

Do you need some help?

Yeah.

Your hands are so soft.

You're really beautiful.

You think so?

Not many people see me like this.

I'm the royal body guard

and I'm not allowed to indulge in such things.

Nobody's ever touched you like this before?

No, but I've seen it many times.

Maybe we should

do a little experiment of our own.

Okay.

MIB headquarters, this is Agent Daniels.

Paging for General Randall.

Come in. I'm at the location.

MIB headquarters, come in.

Why am I not surprised?

Please, make yourself comfortable.

Thank you.

Whoa! That's not what I meant.

Hmm...

You're a very mysterious creature.

Your intentions confuse me.

I've never seen a species quite like you before.

You mean a man?

You've never seen a man before?

No, they do not have them where I come from.

But I think it may be very important now.

Why is that?

Because our ship has been destroyed.

We have no way of returning home.

Good point.

We must now learn to fit into your world,

to become a part of it,

to do as you do, to feel as you feel,

to love as you love.

I'm sure you'll be able to fit in quickly.

You've just got to learn how to live in a world full of men.

Of course, and you will teach me, yes?

Yes.

I mean, no!

You're a Princess, aren't you?

I'm just your every day UFO hunter.

Besides, Suzi's right down the hall.

She majored in castration in college.

Don't worry about Suzi.

Tara can handle her.

But now I would like to know

what men do for their mates here on Earth.

Well, for the sake of scientific research.

MIB headquarters, come in. This is Agent Daniels.

Paging for General Randall.

MIB headquarters, come in.

Cease communications, Earthling.

Drop it.

Hold on a second, beautiful.

Okay, I'm sure we can talk about this.

Who are you communicating with?

My boss.

I was just checking in.

You know, they get worried about me

down at headquarters if they don't hear from me.

Sounds like you've got a lot to be worried about.

Wait a minute.

One more step, and I'll vaporize you,

Phew, well, we won't want that now, would we?

You wouldn't.

Look, it's pretty obvious you're

one of those alien things, okay?

But you need me. I can help.

I don't know what kind of creature you are,

but I'm certain that there's nothing you could do for me.

Don't be so sure.

I saw the Princess

engaging in some physical contact with

the other of your kind.

What was it?

Oh, that.

Yeah, let's just say he was integrating her

into one of Earth's oldest customs.

It looked very... interesting.

I would like you to show me

this contact.

You want me to show you?

Okay.

But, why don't we start by you

not pointing that thing at me?

Okay, but no funny business.

Hey, no funny business.

Cassia, this is Aria.

Come in.

Cassia,

this is Aria.

Answer me!

I hate playing phone tag!

No, I want you to get me the stainless steel ones.

You know, the ones with the fur on the inside.

Yeah.

Look, I'm gonna have to call you back, okay?

General Randall?

Daniels, where the hell have you been?!

I thought you weren't coming back.

It's a long, long story, sir.

But I have big news.

You were right.

Something did crash

in those hills.

I knew it!

It was an alien space craft.

Now, unfortunately, the ship's totaled.

But the occupants were able to bail out in time.

Where are they?

They're at Jake's house, just like you suspected.

Two of them, women.

One's a Princess,

and the other's her body guard.

Fantastic!

Are they friendly?

Oh, yes, they're very friendly.

But without their spacecraft,

they're stranded here on Earth.

That's an incredible story.

Are you sure every word of this is true, Daniels?

I'm positive.

In fact, I brought you proof.

This is Cassia.

Is she one of them?

Oh, she's one of them.

Incredible.

I thought you said there were two.

Two on the ship that crashed.

Cassia was actually sent here on a mission

to capture the Princess.

Incredible!

But, she's changed her mind.

Haven't you, dear?

Yes, darling.

I never

want to go back.

What changed her mind?

It's, it's actually all in the report, sir.

Let's just say we found a common ground.

And ground it and ground it.

She's kind of my girlfriend now.

Yeah, uh...

I can see that.

We better wrap this all up.

We better bet them to D.C.

The President's gonna want to know about this right away.

Yes, sir.

Come on, babe.

On the deck?

Jake, I've been looking everywhere for you.

Suzi.

Whoa!

You look different.

Do you like it?

It's very... ordinary.

Don't worry. You look great. You're gonna fit right in.

Here you go.

I think you'll find the make up

of the material to be very...

flexible.

Excellent.

Did you find anything out

new about the Princess?

A few things.

Me too.

So, ladies, I'm gonna have to

tell someone about your situation.

They might be able to help you.

That's very kind of you.

I'm pretty certain that we're being tracked

by an evil hunter named Cassia.

She betrayed me and tried to kill us.

Then let's go now.

No one is going anywhere.

- Damn it! - Who are you?

Stop where you are!

Sorry, folks,

MIB is taking over from here.

What's going on?

We've got orders to bring

these girls into Washington.

Don't worry. Nobody's going to hurt you.

On whose orders?

General Randall's orders.

Oh, why didn't you say so?

Like to take you two in for some quick questions.

Is there somewhere we can go in private?

Um, down the hall, first door on the left.

Don't worry, girls.

He won't hurt you.

He's just a man... in black.

I know what to do with a man.

So do I.

Um, maybe I should just go keep an eye on them.

What's taking everyone so long?

I don't know,

but I expect some answers.

I'll bet you do.

And I'll give to you.

But first,

you ever consider having a close encounter?

Hey, pal, tailgating is illegal in this quadrant.

I've never seen a species quite like you before.

I know what to do with a man.

Let me do the talking.

Greetings, Earthlings. How?

Come on, let's try the loading dock.

Maybe we can hijack an escape shuttle.

Time to put this baby on auto-pilot

and do a little hooter hunting.

I am Cassia, the liaison for your visit.

Cassia, this is Aria.

Come in.

Eluding my trained fighters?

I don't believe it.

Is everything ready as planned?

I haven't seen anything big from you in days.

That two big-tittied twits cleaned out our kitchen

and now we have to go grocery shopping.

Yeah, ka-pow!

Nothing, nothing but smoke.

To me this is important.

I know something is gonna happen, something big.

Oh, why didn't you say so?

You mean a man.

You've never seen a man before?

MIB headquarters, this is Agent Daniels.

Paging for General Randall.

Yes, they're very friendly.

But you need me. I can help.

What can you tell me about the UFO tracking station

at Santa Mira Springs?

On the deck?