Original subtitles

This programme contains some strong language

POUNDING ELECTRO MUSIC

# Warm

# Leatherette

# Warm

# Leatherette

# Warm

# Leatherette

# Warm

# Leatherette. #

Excuse me?

Are you thinking of buying that sofa? Um...

How much is it?

That's £1,350.

I'll think about it.

# Warm

# Leatherette

# Warm

# Leatherette. #

DRIER BLOWS

# See the breaking glass

# In the underpass

# See the breaking glass

# In the underpass

# Warm

# Leatherette

# Warm. #

Oh, shit the bed!

Square or squoval?

Um, squoval, please, Shola. I need cheering up.

What colour?

Sexual shenanigans, as usual.

I'm afraid we're out of that particular shade, baby. Hmm.

I'll go for minty pig then, please.

MANDY SIGHS

What's the matter, honey?

You don't look like your normally bubbly self.

There's a sofa I want.

I can't stop thinking about it.

VOICE BREAKS: Honestly, it's making me ill.

Yeah.

This is it.

SHOLA CHEWS

CHEWING STOPS ABRUPTLY

That is the most beautiful sofa I have ever seen.

But it looks expensive. It is.

Look at it, though.

Reminds me of the one Mike Baldwin used to have in his flat.

You deserve it. I can't afford it.

I'll tell you, Shola, this country...

The price of Mach 3 razors are enough to make you emigrate.

Come on. Where are we going?

Furniture World.

# Warm

# Leatherette. #

It's so soft.

Like a leather cloud.

If anyone comes out, you distract them. How?

Just fall over or something.

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

SHOLA THUDS

Cushions come free with it. You get these three.

The red one? We can throw that in. Yeah. Have it.

So, I'll just... I'll just go draw up the paperwork.

I really like it.

It's nice, this, in't it?

Yes. This used to be mine.

Sorry?

Bought it last week, but I had to return it cos of the bedbugs.

Had to burn most of my furniture.

It was the only way to get rid of the buggers.

They gave me a refund on this, though, which is lucky.

Oh, don't worry.

I'm sure most of them dropped off in the delivery van.

OK. So, the good news is, we can deliver on...

OMINOUS MUSIC

PITCH HEIGHTENS

# Warm

# Leatherette

# Warm. #

It's like she's back from the dead.

Thanks, love.

She really did live her life like a candle in the winds.

I know.

SNIFFLES

PHONE BUZZES

Hello?

Patrick?

Oh, from LookieLikes!

What do you mean, you don't get much call for Princess Di anymore?

I'm ready to go here.

Well, what am I supposed to do now? I need the money.

Oh, that's not a bad idea.

We need you to finish the medical trial, otherwise you won't be paid.

Also, do make sure you sign the consent form,

as we cannot be held responsible for any unforeseen adverse side effects,

such as disorientation, nausea

or massive swelling on the face and head.

Look, I know there's risks,

but if it means I can save just one little baby's life,

then it'll all have been worth it.

This is actually for halitosis.

Oh.

Still get paid, though, right?

Yeah.

MACHINE BLEEPS

PHONE BUZZES

Talk to me, Patrick.

No way!

Thought you said there was no call for Lady Di.

Oh, right.

Well, sorry, Patrick, I can't.

I've already started this medical trial thing.

No, I have to stay here.

I can't. I'm full of tubes. This is worth £500.

All right, make it 800, you've got yourself a deal.

Right, 750, you're on.

# Warm

# Leatherette

# Warm

# Leatherette

# Warm. #

MUSIC: Heart And Soul by T'Pau

Jesus Christ!

What the f...? It's all right. I'm not Lady Di.

I just look like her.

CHATTER DIES

Is this a joke? What do you mean?

I'm from LookieLikes. They told me you wanted a Lady Di.

You look nothing like her. You're a mess.

You cheeky cow! Who are you meant to be? Carol Decker from T'Pau.

You look nothing like Carol Decker from T'Pau.

I AM Carol Decker from T'Pau. Oh, fuck off.

I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Don't worry, I'm going.

Do you mind if I use your lav before I go?

CAROL SIGHS Upstairs. Thanks.

CHATTER RESUMES

# Don't push too far... #

Oh, my God!

# ..china in your hand... #

Still a bit puffed up. Aw, poor darling. Mm.

I always wanted to meet Carol Decker from T'Pau.

Never meet your heroes, Shola.

She had a nice toilet, though. I'll give her that.

Heated seat and everything.

Must be from the China In Your Hand royalties. Mm.

What happened to your neck? Whiplash.

Someone slammed into the back of my car.

Will you be all right? Oh, yeah. I'm just waiting for the compensation.

The what?

Compensation.

Where there's a blame, there's a claim.

How much are you getting?

£2,000.

Two grand?!

Mm. Yeah, it's almost worth nearly getting my head smashed off.

# Good times for a change

# See, the luck I've had can make a good man turn bad

# So please, please, please

# Let me, let me, let me

# Let me get what I want this time

# Haven't had a dream in a long time

# See, the life I've had can make a good man bad

# So, for once in my life

# Let me get what I want

# Lord knows, it would be the first time

# Lord knows, it would be the first time... #

MUSIC CONTINUES

Nothing's worked, Shola.

I'm at a low ebb.

There's one more thing I could try.

What do desperate people do?

You don't mean...?

I'm going to have to go on a teatime quiz show.

Oh, my God - Pointless.

I'm not going on Pointless!

That Richard Osman creeps me out. Hm.

No, I'll go on Impossible.

I don't know this Impossible.

Rick Edwards hosts it.

Who is Rick Edwards? Rick Edwards.

Looks like a mannequin.

No.

# Warm

# Leatherette

# Warm

# Leatherette. #

Hiya. Hello.

It's Mandy. Uh-huh. Going on the show.

Oh, great. Good luck.

Oh, no. Can I come in? I've got a favour to ask.

No, I don't really... I don't really speak to people before the...

Someone's coming. What?

Ooh, you've got great... Do not sit.

Great. Sit down. Yeah, make yourself at home.

Are they seedless?

Well, you tell me. Are they?

No, they're not.

I can't have ordinary people in here. It's unsettling.

Can you just leave? I need you to help me out.

What do you mean? On the show.

As in, give you the answers? Bingo.

I can't do that. Fine.

And what now?

I'm taking a picture. A selfie?

No, to prove I was in your dressing room. Why?

#MeToo. You're trying to blackmail me?

Yeah. No.

SHE GRUNTS CAMERA CLICKS

There you go.

Look, I can't... I can't give you the answers.

I can show you the subject areas.

Oh, right.

IMPOSSIBLE THEME PLAYS ON TV

Well, Mandy, you have had an unusual run of topics, haven't you?

World's Strongest Man, the films of Burt Reynolds, crystal healing.

And you've made it to play the £10,000 question.

How are you feeling? Bit nervous, you know.

Yeah? Yeah.

Really sweating under my arms. Yeah, I was going to say.

Any weak areas in your general knowledge?

Areas you'd like to avoid?

I'm no good at geography, Edward. OK.

OK. Well, hopefully, that won't... Or sport, politics... Mm-hm.

..films, books,

music, science or classic cars. Hm.

A few holes. Hopefully we will avoid those.

Here come your nine answers.

Consulate Longsize, Inky Thyroids,

Bisto Gravy Granules, Baader-Meinhofs,

Gallagher's Park Drive,

Lucky Strike, Camel,

White Horse Filter and Chesterfield.

And you're looking for...

..British cigarette brands of the 1970s

and your time starts now.

Consulate Longsize, Gallagher's Park Drive, White Horse filter.

That was quick.

Did it fall kindly for your? Pardon?

Did it fall kindly for you? I don't know what that means, Edward. Was it a good question?

Do you think you know the answers? I think...

I think I know the answers, yeah.

That's lucky, isn't it?

There's a lot of things you didn't know about,

but this has come up. All right.

Let's see if you're right.

You said Consulate Longsize first.

Yeah, it's right.

Then you said Gallagher's Park Drive.

Also right.

For £10,000, is White Horse Filter the right answer?

Yes.

What a surprise. It is right. Well done, Mandy. Thank you.

You've been an extraordinary player. You've just won £10,000.

# Tra la la... #

So, Mandy leaves us with £10,000.

Join me again tomorrow for another episode of Impossible. Goodbye.

# Tra la la, tra la la

# I'm so happy that I could cry

# Tra la la, tra la la

# You're as cute as a movie star

# Tra la la, tra la lo

# I'd be crazy to let you go

# Tra la la, tra la lou

# All my loving is just for you

# Tra la la, tra la la

# Oh, I want to whistle

# But I don't know how

# So I'm singing

# Tra la la, tra la la

# I love you just the way you are

# Tra la la, tra la lee

# I'm as happy as I can be. #