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[ silence ]

TESTING, TESTING. ONE, TWO, THREE.

TESTOSTERONE,

TESTICULAR CANCER, "TESS OF THE D'URBERVILLES."

Man: OKAY, WE'RE SET.

PARTY MONSTER, TAKE ONE.

Man #2: GOOD, SO WHY DON'T YOU START AT THE VERY BEGINNING?

A VERY GOOD PLACE TO START, IF YOU SAY SO.

I THINK IT'S SO IMPORTANT TO BEGIN WITH A BANG, DON'T YOU?

LET THEM KNOW SOMETHING HORRIBLE'S GOING TO HAPPEN AND THEN, POOF...

WE'RE SUDDENLY ELSEWHERE.

MICHAEL ALIG'S BLOOD FEAST PARTY.

JUST A QUIET NIGHT OUT WITH A FEW FRIENDS.

[ laughs ]

THAT'S MICHAEL, EXHIBIT A,

KING OF THE CLUB KIDS.

WHAT A MESS.

HE USED TO BE SUCH A SWEET KID.

MICHAEL, I HATE YOU FOR MAKING ME SAY SERIOUS THINGS,

SO I WILL ONLY SAY THIS ONCE.

YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR WITH THE DRUGS.

HAVE YOU LOOKED IN THE MIRROR LATELY?

EXHIBIT B,MOI,

THE YOUNGER PRETTIER ONE.

I WAS GOING TO WRITE THE GREAT AMERICAN NOVEL.

BUT INSTEAD, I FOUND MYSELF PLAYING THE SIDEKICK

IN A SICK AND TWISTED BUDDY MOVIE.

JAMES,

ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE NOT THE ONE THAT'S A MESS HERE?

[ laughs ]

James: OKAY, GUILTY AS CHARGED.

BUT THINGS WERE ABOUT TO GET A WHOLE LOT MESSIER.

SO COME WITH ME NOW

ON THE LAST NIGHT OF MY LIFE,

THE NIGHT OF MY OVERDOSE.

YOO-HOO, ANYBODY HOME?

THERE YOU ARE.

- YOU LOOK AWFUL. - SO DO YOU.

SO, HOW'S THE NOVEL COMING?

WELL, I'VE DONE ANOTHER PAGE.

BUT NOW I THINK I MIGHT HAVE WRITER'S BLOCK.

TWO PAGES IN FIVE YEARS?

Michael: COME.

WE'LL TAKE OUR TEA IN THE BEDROOM.

SO...

NOTICE ANYTHING DIFFERENT?

THE FLIES?

NO, SERIOUSLY, JAMES.

ANYTHING OR ANYONE MISSING?

LIKE A DRUG DEALER THAT USED TO LIVE HERE?

WELL, DARLING, THAT COULD BE ANYONE.

CAN I BUY A VOWEL?

THINK.

[ snorting ]

I KNOW, ANGEL.

WHERE IS ANGEL ANYWAY?

- I KILLED HIM. - OF COURSE YOU DID, DARLING.

OH, HOW I HATE HEROIN.

NEW SHOES?

OH, THEY'RE ANGEL'S.

HE WAS WEARING THEM AT THE TIME.

OF COURSE HE WAS, DARLING.

AND THAT'S BLOOD ON THE TOE, RIGHT?

I DIDN'T MEAN TO.

IT WAS SELF-DEFENSE.

JAMES?

JAMES?

JAMES?

OH, TYPICAL JAMES.

TIRED OLD DRUG ADDICT.

CAN'T EVEN STAY AWAKE FOR YOUR OWN MOVIE.

NOT THAT IT'S YOUR MOVIE. YOU THINK IT'S YOURS,

BUT IT'S REALLY MINE. ALL MINE.

[ harp playing ]

HI, I'M MICHAEL.

I GREW UP IN THE MIDWEST.

USUAL STORY, FELT DIFFERENT, REALLY DIDN'T FIT IN.

BUT I WASN'T GOING TO TURN THE OTHER CHEEK.

NO SIREE.

I STARTED SELLING CANDY IN SCHOOL,

JACKED UP THE PRICES SEVERAL HUNDRED PERCENT.

THIS IS MY MICHAEL.

HE WAS ALWAYS MAKING MONEY.

HE JUST-- HE HAD A KNACK FOR IT.

MY LITTLE CANDY MAN.

Michael: LET'S SEE, WHAT ELSE?

OH, ONCE WHEN I WAS 10,

MY SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER TOOK ME BACK TO HIS HOUSE.

HE TAUGHT ME HOW TO FRENCH KISS,

AMONG OTHER THINGS.

HE REALLY TOOK MY BOY UNDER HIS WING.

VERY NICE MAN.

HIS MOTHER CAUGHT US IN THE BASEMENT AND SHE SCREAMED,

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO BRING THEM HERE!"

AND HE SAID, "DON'T, YOU'LL FRIGHTEN HIM AWAY."

ONE NIGHT MICHAEL GAVE ME A GOOD NIGHT KISS

THAT A LITTLE BOY SHOULD NOT GIVE HIS MOTHER.

I THOUGHT EVERYONE KISSED LIKE THAT.

SO LIKE ANY SMALL TOWN BOY

I HAD BIG-TIME PLANS.

SO IT SHOULD COME AS NO SURPRISE

THAT I ENDED UP IN NEW YORK CITY.

ONE DAY I REALIZED I DIDN'T WANT

TO HAVE TO GET UP IN THE MORNING AND GO TO WORK.

I DIDN'T WANT TO BE LIKE ALL THE DREARIES AND NORMALS.

I WANTED TO CREATE MY OWN WORLD,

A WORLD FULL OF COLOR, WHERE EVERYONE COULD PLAY--

ONE BIG PARTY

THAT NEVER ENDS.

NO, NO, NO!

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, NO.

WE ARE NOT GOING TO START WITH MICHAEL ALIG'S PATHETIC CHILDHOOD--

"I WAS MOLESTED."

[ mock crying ]

I HAD A HARD TIME GROWING UP, TOO.

- [ toilet flushing ] - AND I DREAMT OF BIGGER AND BETTER THINGS.

AND I MOVED TO NEW YORK CITY BEFORE HE DID.

I, I, IWAS THE ORIGINAL CLUB KID.

SO, NOW THAT THAT'S SORTED...

A FEW SIMPLE RULES OF NEW YORK NIGHTLIFE IN THE EARLY '80s:

♪ NEW YORK, NEW YORK

♪ NEW YORK, NEW YORK...

James: RULE NUMBER ONE: PERCEPTION IS REALITY.

SO WHEN YOU'RE GOING NIGHTCLUBBING, NEVER MERELY ARRIVE,

ALWAYS MAKE AN ENTRANCE.

[ horn honks ]

RULE NUMBER TWO:

MAKE SURE YOUR OUTFIT WORKS IN BLACK AND WHITE

AND THAT IT'S A CONVERSATION PIECE,

EVEN IF YOU ARE THE ONE DOING THE TALKING.

IT'S BLOOD FEAST FOR JUNE BRIDES.

GET ME TO THE CHURCH ON TIME.

♪ YOU'LL BE FAMOUS...

OKAY, RULE NUMBER THREE:

WATCH OUT FOR PUSHY, OBNOXIOUS LITTLE BUSBOYS

WHO DON'T KNOW THEIR PLACE IN THE SCHEME OF THINGS.

HI, I'M MICHAEL ALIG.

WELL, I'LL ALERT THE MEDIA.

GOTTA DASH.

James: OH, IF ONLY I HAD TOSSED HIM ASIDE.

BUT I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO RESIST MINISTERING

TO LIFE'S LOSERS.

- YOU'RE LATE. - I KNOW.

I REALLY SHOULDN'T HAVE COME AT ALL.

THAT'S MY DOUGHNUT.

WELL, I DIDN'T EXPECT TO BE DINING AT THE FOUR SEASONS.

- WHAT DO YOU DO? - I DON'T DO.

I JUST AM. EXTREMELY RICH.

ANYWAY, IF I'M TO STAY IN THIS ROACH MOTEL A MOMENT LONGER

WE'RE GOING TO NEED TO TAKE THINGS UP A NOTCH.

- I DON'T DO DRUGS. - NOR DO I.

DID YOU SEE THAT?

IT JUST FLEW RIGHT UP MY NOSE!

- MY MOTHER SAYS DRUGS ARE FOR LOSERS. - SHE'S SO RIGHT.

KETAMINE HYDROCHLORIDE, A.K.A. SPECIAL K,

IS MAINLY USED BY VETS AS AN ANIMAL TRANQUILIZER.

WHEN TAKEN BY HUMANS IT WORKS AS A DISSOCIATIVE DRUG

SELECTIVELY REDUCING EXCITATION OF THE CENTRAL MAMMALIAN NEURONS

BY N METHYL ASPIRATE.

IN OTHER WORDS, IT FUCKS YOU UP!

I WANT YOU TO TEACH ME HOW TO BE FABULOUS.

[ scoffs ]

WE HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON.

WAIT! WE BOTH BITE OUR NAILS.

PLEASE, DON'T GO. I DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS.

I JUST GOT HERE. I JUST GOT OFF THE BUS.

"THE ROAD OF EXCESS LEADS TO THE PALACE OF WISDOM."

BLAKE, WILLIAM. THAT'S REALLY ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW.

THAT AND "DON'T DREAM IT, BE IT."

"ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW." IT'S MY FAVORITE.

AND WILL YOU SIGN MY COPY OF "SLATED"?

YOU LOOK SO GOOD IN IT.

FLATTERY WILL GET YOU EVERYWHERE.

James: IT'S ALL ABOUT PHOTO PLACEMENT.

SO IF YOU'RE IN A GROUP OF THREE, ALWAYS, ALWAYS,

ALWAYSMAKE SURE THAT YOU'RE THE ONE STANDING ON THE RIGHT.

THAT WAY WHEN THEY PRINT THE PICTURE, YOU'LL BE THE ONE ON THE LEFT

AND THE CAPTION WILL READ "JAMES ST. JAMES

AND BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, WERE SEEN, OKAY?

OKAY, RULES OF PRESS:

NUMBER ONE: NO PUBLICITY IS BAD PUBLICITY.

NUMBER TWO: ONCE SOMETHING IS PRINTED, IT AUTOMATICALLY BECOMES TRUE,

SO NUMBER THREE: NEVER, EVER DISH ANYONE IN PRINT.

NEVER BE SEEN DRINKING ANYTHING OTHER THAN CHAMPAGNE

AND NEVER TAKE HEROIN.

NEVER WEAR WHITE AFTER LABOR DAY AND OH,

AVOID THAT ONE LIKE THE PLAGUE.

MORE! MORE!

OKAY. OKAY.

THE ART OF WORKING A ROOM:

UPON MAKING YOUR GRAND ENTRANCE,

TAKE YOUR PARTNER BY THE HAND AND CIRCLE AROUND THE ROOM,

SMILE AND SAY HELLO TO EVERYONE IN THE ROOM,

EVEN IF YOU DON'T KNOW THEM. ESPECIALLY IF YOU DON'T KNOW THEM.

- HI! HI! - HI! HI!

I'M SO GLAD YOU CAME.

- I KNOW YOU. - HE'S FABULOUS.

GO ONCE AROUND THE ROOM IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS.

GO CLOCKWISE TO MY ANTI-CLOCKWISE.

TELL ALL THE PEOPLE HOW YOU'VE LOST YOUR FRIEND

AND HOW DESPERATE YOU ARE TO FIND THEM. WHERE CAN MY FRIEND BE?

NOW, SUDDENLY WE BUMP INTO EACH OTHER

AND SCREAM WITH UNCONTAINED JOY.

[ both screaming ]

GOOD, NOW LINK ARMS AND ROUND WE GO ONCE MORE

TELLING ALL OUR NEWFOUND FRIENDS HOW WE'VE FOUND EACH OTHER.

- WE FOUND EACH OTHER. - DON'T WORRY, I FOUND HIM.

THEN LEAVE.

THE WHOLE THING SHOULD TAKE AN HOUR. 90 MINUTES TOPS.

DO THAT ONCE A NIGHT FOR THREE MONTHS AND YOU'LL BE THE TOAST OF THE TOWN.

HEAVENS, IS THAT THE TIME? MY SANSKRIT CLASS.

WAIT, WAIT! I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY

AND AREN'T YOU GOING TO TEACH ME HOW TO THROW A PARTY?

HOW ABOUT LEARNING TO CRAWL BEFORE YOU WALK? TOODLES!

James: BUT MICHAEL WASN'T INTERESTED IN LEARNING TO CRAWL OR WALK.

JUST RUN, RUN, RUN.

[ techno music playing ]

I WENT TO HIS FIRST PARTY. UNFORTUNATELY.

THERE IS NO ONE HERE.

CHRISTINA'S HERE.

♪ FIRST I'M GOING TO WHIP YOU ♪

♪ THEN I'M GOING TO EAT YOU... ♪

SHE'S FABULOUS.

ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT WAS HOW I WAS GOING TO BE RUINED

LOOK, JAMES, THIS IS GOING TO BE MORE THAN A CLUB.

IT'LL BE-- IT'LL BE LIKE OUR HOME.

FOR EVERYONE WHO FELT LIKE A FREAK,

EVERYONE WHO'S EVER BEAT ON OR SPAT ON IN HIGH SCHOOL,

FOR EVERYONE WHO FELT DIFFERENT.

IT'LL BE LIKE THE FACTORY AND I'LL BE THE NEXT ANDY WARHOL.

EARTH TO YOU, ANDY WARHOL IS STILL ALIVE AND WELL.

IN FACT, I JUST REMEMBERED I'M SUPPOSED TO MEET HIM.

WAIT, DON'T GO!

DO YOU WANT A COCKTAIL? HERE.

- I HAVE DRINK TICKETS. - DRINK TICKETS?

[ laughs ]

YOU OBVIOUSLY COULDN'T EVEN ORGANIZE A GLASS OF WATER.

- OH YEAH? - YEAH.

[ gasping ]

[ laughing ]

James: YOU CRAZY FUCK!

THAT WAS QUITE A STUNT...

FLOODING MY BASEMENT.

[ giggling ]

I'M SORRY.

WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU INTEND TO DO ABOUT IT?

YOU NEED ME TO PROMOTE THIS PLACE.

I COULD MAKE IT FABULOUS.

NOT IF TONIGHT'S ANYTHING TO GO BY.

IT'S NOT ME THAT'S TIRED, IT'S YOUR CLUB.

NO ONE WANTS TO COME HERE.

Man: IT'S A STATEMENT.

THE DAMAGE DONE TO THE CLUB WILL BE REIMBURSED

FROM YOUR EARNINGS FROM THIS PARTY AND THE NEXT TWO PARTIES

THAT YOU THROW.

WOW! A JOB.

- YOU WON'T REGRET THIS. - WE'LL SEE.

I LOVE THE EYE-PATCH, BY THE WAY.

IT'S VERY "PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN."

ARR!

HE LOST IT.

WHATEVER.

YOU SHOULD COME TO MY HOUSE.

I'LL COOK FOR YOU. YOU'LL LOVE MY MEATLOAF.

YOUR ASSISTANT CAN COME, TOO.

OH, I'M SORRY.

MY HUSBAND IS A VERY BUSY MAN.

BESIDES, WE DON'T SOCIALIZE WITH THE EMPLOYEES.

YOU'LL LOVE ME. I PROMISE.

Michael: HEY, CHRISTINA,

I'VE DECIDED TO MAKE YOU MY FIRST SUPERSTAR.

[ giggling ]

COME TO MY PARTY. COME TO MY PARTY.

HERE, COME TO MY PARTY. COME TO MY PARTY.

COME TO MY PARTY. COME TO MY PARTY.

OH, DUDE, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

YOU CAN BE MY BOYFRIEND.

OH, ACTUALLY, I'M-- I'M NOT GAY.

I'M ACTUALLY HERE WITH A COUPLE OF BABES, SO--

LET'S TALK AFTER A COUPLE OF COCKTAILS.

DRINK TICKET?

OH, THANKS, DUDE.

♪ YOU ARE MY DISCO PLAYING ON THE RADIO ♪

♪ YOU ARE MY DISCO...

I HAVE TONS OF THEM.

♪ PLAYING ON THE RADIO, YOU ARE MY DISCO ♪

♪ OH, YOU ARE MY DISCO

♪ PLAYING ON THE RADIO...

[ sniffs ]

OH JAMES,

I'M SO GLAD I RAN INTO YOU.

HERE, COME TO MY PARTY.

THE FIRST ANNUAL KING AND QUEEN OF DOWNTOWN PAGEANT.

I'D RATHER SUCK ON A URINAL CAKE.

BUT JAMES, YOU HAVE TO COME. YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND.

HOW CAN I BE YOUR BEST FRIEND

WHEN I DON'T EVEN LIKE YOU?

HAVE YOU MET KEOKI?

WELL, ALOHA. HOW ABOUT A LEI?

[ laughing ]

I'VE ALWAYS HAD A SOFT SPOT FOR HAWAIIAN PUNCH.

HIS NAME IS KEOKI AND HE'S MY NEW BOYFRIEND.

- MMM. - TOODLES.

TOODLES?

COME ON.

WAIT, IT SAYS HERE THAT I'M THE MC.

TAXI!

SO, WHAT DO YOU DO?

I'M A BAGGAGE HANDLER, THANK YOU,

- AT KENNEDY AIRPORT. - WELL, NOT ANYMORE.

FROM NOW ON YOU'RE SUPERSTAR DJ KEOKI.

REALLY?

- COOL. WOW. - TAXI.

YOU KNOW,

I NEVER THOUGHT I'D BE RIDING A CAB

THROUGH THE BRONX WITH A GUY.

YOU KNOW, I FIGURE COME TO THE CLUB

AND TELL A COUPLE OF GIRLS NO, NOT TONIGHT.

BUT I NEVER THOUGHT I'D BE--

YOU KNOW...

YOU KNOW--

- GET IN. - OKAY.

136th STREET, ON THE DOUBLE.

- ARE WE GOING FAR? - ALL THE WAY, I HOPE.

Keoki: NO, I MEAN I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY.

Michael: DON'T WORRY. I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

Michael: GET OUT! QUICK, RUN!

NO, YOU FUCKING DEADBEAT, NO!

♪ I'LL GIVE YOU ONE MORE NIGHT ♪

♪ NIGHT, NIGHT

♪ NIGHT, NIGHT...

[ sirens wailing ]

♪ YOU SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND, BABY, RIGHT ROUND ♪

♪ LIKE A RECORD, BABY, RIGHT ROUND, ROUND, ROUND ♪

♪ YOU SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND, BABY, RIGHT ROUND ♪

♪ LIKE A RECORD, BABY, RIGHT ROUND, ROUND ♪

♪ I WANT YOUR LOVE...

Keoki: WHOA!

- [ both laughing ] - [ cat meowing ]

Keoki: WHAT WAS THAT?

IT'S A KITTY.

IT'S OUR LOVE CHILD.

WE'LL CALL HIM SKRINKLE.

James: AS YOU DRY YOUR EYES,

LET ME JUST SAY THIS ABOUT THAT.

SKRINKLE WAS JUST THE BEGINNING.

SKRINKLE BEGAT SKRODDLE, AND SKRINKLE AND SKRODDLE

WERE THE LEGO BLOCKS OF A STRANGE NEW WORLD

HE WAS BUILDING FOR US ALL.

YOU WERE EITHER A SKRINK OR A SKROD.

I WAS A SKRINK-LA DA IF I WAS GOOD.

OR A STUPID SKROD LOVER IF I WAS BAD.

SOMEHOW HIS DOPEY LANGUAGE CAUGHT ON.

LIKE HIS STUPID PARTIES.

[ drum roll ]

THE WINNERS OF MICHAEL ALIG'S

FIRST KING AND QUEEN OF DOWNTOWN CONTEST...

CHRISTINA SUPERSTAR

AND KEOKI THE IT BOY.

CONGRATULATIONS.

♪ THEY ONLY WANT YOU WHEN YOU'RE 17 ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE 21 YOU'RE NO FUN ♪

♪ THEY TAKE A POLAROID AND LET YOU GO... ♪

James: HE WAS TROUBLE ALL RIGHT.

MICHAEL WAS OUT FOR REVENGE.

THAT'S WHAT I LIKED ABOUT HIM.

[ whimpering ]

[ laughing ]

MICHAEL WAS GROWING ON ME,

LIKE A FUNGUS.

HOW ELSE TO EXPLAIN HOW HE GOT ME TO HAUL MY ASS

ABOVE 14th STREET TO HIS SIXTH FLOOR WALK-UP

IN THE BRONX ONE CHRISTMAS EVE?

THE NORTH POLE.

I'VE MADE IT ACROSS THE FROZEN TUNDRA.

MY FAITHFUL HUSKIES PERISHED IN THE BLIZZARD WAY BACK.

I HAD TO EAT THEM.

[ James laughing ]

KEOKI, WOULD YOU BE A LAMB AND RUB MY EXTREMITIES?

I FEAR THEY'RE FROSTBITTEN.

JAMES, I WANT YOU TO BE ON YOUR BEST BEHAVIOR

BECAUSE TONIGHT I'VE INVITED

A VERY IMPORTANT SURPRISE GUEST.

LET ME GUESS, CHRISTINA.

AND SHE'S GOING TO CHOP US ALL UP AND SERVE US AS FONDUE.

I KNOW WHAT PIECE I WANT.

KEOKI, COULD YOU CARVE THE TURKEY?

YOU KNOW I CAN'T BEAR TO.

DARLING, HALF THE FUN OF EATING MEAT IS HACKING IT UP.

- [ door buzzing ] - JAMES, CAN YOU GET THAT?

Radio: ♪ Think of all the fun I've missed... ♪

HELLO.

YEAH, RIGHT THERE IS FINE.

♪ Next year I could be just as good ♪

♪ If you'd check off my Christmas list... ♪

MICHAEL.

♪ SANTA BABY...

HA!

MERRY CHRISTMAS, KID.

OH, PETER, THANK YOU.

THANK YOU, PETER.

[ giggles ]

IT'S SO...

BIG.

[ clock ticking ]

KEOKI, WILL YOU PUT SOME MUSIC ON?

YES.

JAMES, THERE'S CHAMPAGNE ON ICE IN THE FRIDGE.

IT'S SUCH A SHAME YOUR WIFE COULDN'T COME.

BECAUSE I'VE BEEN THINKING,

I'VE DECIDED IT'S TIME FOR ME TO START THROWING

MY OWN WEEKLY PARTY AT LIMELIGHT ON THE MAIN DANCE FLOOR.

YOUR PARTIES BARELY BREAK EVEN.

I HAVE TO LET ALL THESE PEOPLE IN FOR FREE.

I HAVE TO GIVE THEM FREE DRINKS.

MICHAEL, I DON'T MAKE ANY MONEY OFF OF YOU.

PETER, WILL YOU STOP BEING SUCH A NEGATIVE NANCY?

PEOPLE WON'T BE SEEN DEAD IN YOUR CLUB.

I'M JUST STARTING TO GET A BUZZ GOING.

[ Michael continues talking ]

"O, WOULD THAT I WERE A GLOVE UPON THAT HAND..."

- HUH? - "O, SPEAK AGAIN BRIGHT ANGEL."

YO, MAN, I'M WITH MICHAEL.

MY ONLY LOVE SPRUNG FROM MY ONLY HATE.

MAN, I CAN'T FIND A RECORD TO PLAY

AND I KNOW IT'S A SPECIAL NIGHT FOR MICHAEL.

YOU'RE RIGHT. IT IS.

... GIANT ANIMAL COSTUMES LIKE ICY THE POLAR BEAR

AND CLARA THE CAREFREE CHICKEN.

AND TO MAKE THINGS REALLY SIZZLE, WE'LL HAVE A HOT BODY CONTEST.

KEOKI WILL BE THE DJ, OF COURSE.

IF YOU ARE GOING TO BE A SUPERSTAR DJ

THERE ARE THREE SIMPLE RULES YOU NEED TO REMEMBER.

NUMBER ONE:

YOU CAN ALWAYS RELY ON THE STUDIO 54 COMPILATION SET.

THEY'RE PRE-MIXED, THEY LAST FOR HOURS.

AND NUMBER TWO:

MADONNA ALWAYS WORKS.

AND NUMBER THREE:

WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS,

PLAY TECHNO.

IT'S NON-DESCRIPT, NON-RECOGNIZABLE

AND EVERYONE WILL THINK THAT YOU ARE SO CUTTING EDGE.

OH, I LOVE THIS RECORD.

IT'S SO... DISCO 2000.

[ snorting ]

YOU PATHETIC, DRUG-ADDICT LOSERS!

MICHAEL, I AM NOT ADDICTED TO DRUGS, I'M ADDICTED TO GLAMOUR.

Michael: YOU, JAMES CLERK,

YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.

HOW DARE YOU USE MY REAL NAME.

AND MICHAEL, YOUR CHAMPAGNE--

CORRECTION, YOUR SPARKLING WINE, TASTES LIKE PISS.

[ laughs ]

SO WHERE WAS I? OH YEAH.

SO WE'LL PUT JAMES IN A CAGE

AND HANG A SIGN OVER IT THAT SAYS

"DO NOT FEED THE DRUG CHILD."

IT'LL TRANSFORM LIMELIGHT AND NEW YORK NIGHTLIFE FOREVER.

IT'LL BE MORE OUTRAGEOUS THAN ANYTHING BEFORE IT.

NEW STARS, NO RULES, ANYTHING GOES.

EVERYONE WILL WANT TO COME.

MICHAEL, AREN'T YOU LISTENING TO ANYTHING I'M SAYING?

YES SIREE, BUT THIS WILL WORK.

[ unzips pants ]

[ urinating ]

[ sighs ]

I'D STAKE MY LIFE ON IT.

- Peter: YOU'RE CRAZY. - [ disco music plays ]

AH, JAMES, KEOKI.

JUST IN TIME TO TOAST TO...

DISCO 2000.

Peter: TO DISCO 2000.

♪ CALLERS AS THOUGH THEY WERE CHRISTMAS EVE ♪

♪ DISAPPOINTED BUT I DON'T KNOW WHY ♪

♪ SHE GAVE ME LAUGHTER AND HOPE ♪

♪ AND A SOCK IN THE EYE

♪ IN MY YOUNG LIFE AND I KNOW SOMETHING NOW ♪

♪ I'VE NEVER TRIED TO CREATE A WOW ♪

♪ WOWS ARE FEW, FRUSTRATION MORE COMMON... ♪

[ laughing ]

James: MY SOUR GRAPES WERE HIS SWEET WINE.

DON'T ASK ME HOW, BUT IT CLICKED.

[ dance music playing ]

SUDDENLY THE HATEFUL LITTLE TURD

WAS THE KING OF THE CLUB KIDS.

I HAD TO ADAPT OR DIE.

BEHIND ME, THE CHOICE OF THE NEW GENERATION--

WEIRD CLOTHES, WILD MAKE-UP

AND NO PARTICULAR SEXUAL PREFERENCE.

CLUB KIDS OR CLUB BRATS?

YOU DECIDE.

THEY HOLD ILLEGAL OUTLAW PARTIES IN SUBWAYS

AND THEY TAKE ECSTASY,

A DRUG KNOWN TO CAUSE BRAIN DAMAGE IN RATS.

THE ROAD OF EXCESS LEADS TO A PALACE OF...

FABULOUSNESS.

I'M ELKE, MICHAEL'S MOM,

AND I'M HERE TO TELL YOU

THAT ANYONE CAN BE A CLUB KID.

- IT'S ECSTASY. - [ crowd cheers ]

[ changes channel ]

- I WAS WATCHING THAT. - FAGGOT.

♪ TELL ME, TELL ME

♪ TELL ME, TELL ME, TELL ME, TELL ME ♪

♪ TELL ME, TELL ME, TELL ME, TELL ME... ♪

- ALL ABOARD. - [ cheering ]

HOW DO YOU LIKE MY U.F.O.?

[ laughing ]

OH, DEAR GOD, NO.

MICHAEL!

[ engine revving ]

MICHAEL, I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU.

NOT NOW, WE HAVE TO GO BEFORE THE POLICE GET HERE.

- GET IN. - BUT, MICHAEL!

Michael: I'M FINE. HELLO.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

- I'M ANGEL. - WELL, WHERE'S YOUR WINGS?

- MICHAEL! - HUH?

CAN YOU HELP US GET THIS DOOR CLOSED?

YOU HAVE TO DO IT FROM THE OUTSIDE.

BUT IF I DO THAT I WON'T BE ABLE TO COME.

IF YOU DO THIS NOW, YOU'LL BE ONE OF US.

NEXT TIME I'LL MAKE YOU V.I.P.--

VERY VERY IMPORTANT PERSON.

- MICHAEL! - COME ON NOW.

BE AN ANGEL.

- MICHAEL, YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR MIND. - OH PLEASE.

- PARTY IN THE TRUCK. - [ cheering ]

[ sirens wailing ]

ALL RIGHT, COME ON.

[ Christina giggling ]

LET'S GO, SWEETIE.

YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. GET UP.

ALL RIGHT.

[ dance music playing ]

James: MICHAEL, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU BOUGHT ALL THIS CRAP.

Michael: OH, JAMES, DON'T BE JEALOUS.

I'VE GOT A LUXURY CONDO AND YOU DON'T.

ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY.

TIME TO PAY ATTENTION TO ME.

- HAPPY BIRTHDAY. - THANK YOU.

- HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABY. - OH, KEOKI, HOW NICE OF YOU TO SHOW UP

AFTER WHAT, FOUR OR FIVE DAYS?

YOU'RE FUCKED UP, AREN'T YOU?

EVERYONE, THIS IS FREEZ. HE USED TO BE A HAT-MAKER,

NOW HE'S A DRUG DEALER. EVERYONE SAY HELLO.

MICHAEL, PLEASE.

HA! FUCKING JUNKIE.

OH, IS THAT FOR ME?

HOW LOVELY.

TAKE IT, YOU LITTLE FUCK!

[ record scratches, music stops ]

HEY, DON'T TOUCH MY RECORDS, MAN.

YOUR RECORDS? DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH.

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO PLAY. YOU'RE NOT A SUPERSTAR DJ,

YOU'RE A PIECE OF SHIT DJ AND EVERYBODY KNOWS IT.

WELL, CONGRATULATIONS ON GETTING OUT

OF THE VERY DANGEROUS WORLD OF HABERDASHERY.

OH, DRUGS ARE JUST A SIDELINE.

PROFITABLE, THOUGH.

MAY I SAMPLE YOUR WARES?

[ thunder cracks ]

[ music box playing ]

MICHAEL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

SKRINKLE AND I JUST DID ALL YOUR COCAINE.

YOU DID WHAT?

I FIGURED IF YOU WERE GOING TO RUIN OUR RELATIONSHIP BY DOING DRUGS

I SHOULD SEE WHAT ALL THE FUSS IS ABOUT.

GREAT, SO NOW WE HAVE TWO DRUG ADDICTS IN THE FAMILY?

AND SKRINKLE MAKES THREE.

DO YOU HAVE ANY MORE?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "ANY MORE"?

MORE AS IN MORE, MORON.

WHAT PART DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND, DUH-FACE?

FUCK YOU. I'M OUT OF HERE.

YOU'RE JUST MAD 'CAUSE I DID ALL YOUR STUFF AND I DIDN'T EVEN LIKE IT.

IF YOU WALK OUT THAT DOOR I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF.

[ door slams ]

♪ TURN AROUND

♪ EVERY NOW AND THEN I GET A LITTLE BIT LONELY ♪

♪ AND YOU'RE NEVER COMING ROUND ♪

♪ TURN AROUND

♪ EVERY NOW AND THEN I GET A LITTLE... ♪

WAKE UP, MICHAEL.

YOU CAME.

♪ EVERY NOW AND THEN I GET A LITTLE... ♪

THESE SUICIDE ATTEMPTS HAVE GOT TO STOP.

WE ALL KNOW THAT YOU'RE FAR TOO SELFISH

TO EVER HURT YOURSELF.

JAMES, HOLD ME, PLEASE.

I FEEL COLD INSIDE.

♪ EVERY NOW AND THEN I FALL APART ♪

♪ TURN AROUND, BRIGHT EYES...

OKAY, JUST THIS ONCE.

I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED.

THERE ISN'T ENOUGH LOVE

IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD TO SATISFY YOU.

WELL, KEOKI'S ALL I NEED.

I KNOW WHAT YOU NEED--

A NICE HOT CUP OF HOT CHOCOLATE.

CAN YOU PUT SOME ECSTASY IN MINE?

WHAT? SINCE WHEN ARE YOU INTO DRUGS?

ECSTASY ISN'T A DRUG, SILLY.

IT'S NOT EVEN A LISTED SUBSTANCE.

IT'S JUST MEDICATION

FOR MY RAPID-CYCLING BIPOLAR DISORDER.

PEOPLE SAY WE'RE SUPERFICIAL.

WE ARE. PROFOUNDLY SO.

WE'RE TWO PEAS IN A POD, YOU AND I, JAMES.

PITY THE POD.

YOU'RE THE YODA TO MY LUKE.

EXCUSE ME.

YOU ARE THE PAULA ABDUL TO MY JANET JACKSON.

THAT'S GOOD, RIGHT?

DID I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT MY FIRST BOYFRIEND IN JUNIOR HIGH?

I THINK YOU'RE ABOUT TO. CUE THE MUSIC.

[ soft piano plays ]

WHEN I WAS 14 WE WERE INSEPARABLE, HIM AND I.

SO THAT WE WOULD NEVER HAVE TO BE APART

WE CAME UP WITH THIS PLAN THAT HE'D KIDNAP ME

AND MY BODY WOULD NEVER EVER BE FOUND.

WE SPENT DAYS PRACTICING

TO SEE HOW LONG I COULD SPEND IN CONFINED SPACES.

ON THE DAY BEFORE THE KIDNAPPING

HIS FATHER FOUND US WRESTLING.

AFTER THAT, HE NEVER TALKED TO ME AGAIN.

I CALLED HIM LAST NIGHT,

AFTER KEOKI LEFT.

HE'S MARRIED NOW, WITH KIDS.

HE WOULDN'T EVEN COME TO THE PHONE.

HIS WIFE HUNG UP ON ME.

I REALLY THINK YOU SHOULD MOVE IN WITH ME, JAMES.

I'M JUST LIKE A BALLOON,

UNLESS SOMEONE HOLDS MY STRING...

I'LL FLOAT AWAY.

GOOD, IT'S SETTLED THEN.

WE'LL GO GET YOUR STUFF LATER TODAY.

[ cuckoo chiming ]

[ Michael whistling ]

Michael: OUR MAGAZINE'S ON THE STANDS TODAY.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? OUR OWN MAGAZINE.

I'VE ALREADY SEEN IT.

AND THERE'S A PROBLEM, A BIG PROBLEM.

I'VE BEEN CUT OFF.

"JAMES ST. JAMES HEADS UP WHITE SLAVE RING.

SELLS 12-YEAR-OLD BOYS ON AVENUE B.

EXCLUSIVE BY MICHAEL ALIG."

WHY, MICHAEL, WHY?

COME ON, SKRINK, I THINK IT'S FUNNY.

[ scoffs ]

MY FATHER DOES NOT SHARE YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR.

I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS A "PROJECT X" READER.

YES YOU DID, BECAUSE YOU SENT HIM A LIFETIME SUBSCRIPTION.

AND NOW I'VE BEEN CUT OFF WITHOUT A PENNY.

SO NO MORE TRUST FUND AND NO MORE GAULTIER

AND NO MORE FUCKING COMMES DES GARCONS, MICHAEL.

WELL, AT LEAST YOU HAVE A FATHER.

MICHAEL, FOR ONCE,

THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU.

LOOK, JAMES, I'M SORRY.

I'LL TALK TO YOUR FATHER. I PROMISE.

LOOK...

WHY DON'T WE MAKE A PACT, OKAY?

THAT WHENEVER YOU'RE DOWN, I'LL HELP YOU,

AND WHENEVER I'M DOWN, YOU'LL HELP ME.

IT'S KIND OF LIKE A SEESAW.

EXCEPT NEITHER ONE OF US CAN GET OFF.

[ laughs ]

♪ I-I-I-I-I need

♪ I need you

♪ I-I-I-I-I-I Need...

COME ON. COME ON.

♪ I-I-I need, I need you ♪

♪ Two of hearts

♪ Two hearts that beat as one ♪

- ♪ Two of hearts - ♪ I need you, I need you

♪ Two of hearts

♪ Two hearts that beat as one ♪

♪ Two of hearts, come on, come on ♪

♪ I-I-I-I-I need

♪ I need you

♪ I-I-I-I-I need

♪ I-I-I-I-I need

♪ I need, I need

♪ I need you.

WHAT'S FOR DINNER, JAMES? I'M STARVED.

I FINISHED THE MOST MARVELOUS SENTENCE TODAY.

THAT'S GREAT. WHAT'S FOR DINNER?

I'VE BEEN WORKING ON IT FOR TWO WHOLE WEEKS.

THE RHYTHM, THE SYNTAX, THE DISSONANCE,

THE DIPHTHONGS-- IT'S PERFECT.

[ clears throat ]

"LAST NIGHT I DREAMT OF GLOCCA MORRA...

AGAIN."

IT'S REALLY A SHAME YOU CAN'T PUBLISH A SENTENCE.

I'M CONVINCED IT WOULD BE A BESTSELLER.

[ bell ringing ]

[ James humming ]

[ sizzling ]

LIGHTLY TOASTED ANIMAL TRANQUILIZER

EXPERTLY PREPARED BY YOUR SOUS CHEF.

- DID KEOKI CALL? - NO.

HE PROMISED HE'D CALL.

WE'LL SEE HIM NEXT WEEK IN DALLAS, IF HE BOTHERS TO SHOW UP.

[ laughs ]

YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU NEED A NEW PROJECT,

SOMETHING TO KEEP YOU BUSY.

I KNOW,

WHY NOT CREATE A NEW SUPERSTAR?

A SUPERSTAR DRUG DEALER.

THEY'D BE INSTANTLY POPULAR BECAUSE DRUG DEALERS

CAN AFFORD THE BEST OUTFITS AND EVERYBODY LOVES DRUGS.

THEY WOULD GIVE YOU ALL THE DRUGS YOU WANTED FOR FREE.

AND IF THEY DIDN'T, I'D JUST 86 THEM RIGHT OUT OF THE CLUB.

- DON'T SPILL IT. - MICHAEL, YOU'RE SUCH AN ADDICT.

- [ phone ringing ] - THAT'LL BE KEOKI.

HELLO.

NO.

JAMES, NO DIPPING INTO THE COOKING SHERRY!

YEAH.

OH, OKAY.

YES, YES, THANK YOU.

BYE.

WAS THAT KEOKI?

WHAT DID HE SAY? DID HE ASK ABOUT ME?

IS SOMETHING WRONG?

IT WASN'T KEOKI. IT WAS THE POLICE.

NOW GIVE ME MY K.

THE POLICE? WHAT DID THEY WANT?

- STOP TRYING TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT. - MICHAEL, TELL ME.

CHRISTINA'S DEAD.

NOW GIVE ME MY GODDAMN K.

MICHAEL, OH MY GOD.

COME ON, LET ME DO YOUR MAKE-UP. WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE.

LATE?

HOW COULD YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT GOING OUT?

I'VE BEEN PLANNING THIS PARTY FOR MONTHS.

- CHRISTINA HAD NO RIGHT TO GO AND DIE ON US. - YOU GHOUL.

OH PLEASE, THE BEST SUPERSTAR IS A DEAD SUPERSTAR.

- STOP IT. I MEAN IT! - [ Freez screams ]

MY FUCKING BUTT IS ON FIRE!

[ laughs ]

COME ON.

LET ME DO YOUR FACE.

WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE.

HI.

WELCOME TO CHICKEN BUN.

MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER, PLEASE?

YES, I'D LIKE 300 CHEESEBURGERS

AND 300 FRENCH FRIES, PLEASE.

[ hitting keys ]

WILL THAT BE TO STAY OR TO GO?

TO STAY.

WILL THERE BE ANYTHING TO DRINK WITH THAT?

HOW ABOUT ONE OF YOUR THICK AND CREAMY MILKSHAKES?

MY NAME'S RODNEY.

YOU CAN CALL ME ROD FOR SHORT.

HELLO, ROD.

[ cheering ]

DINNER'S SERVED.

DON'T BE SHY. OH, I'M SORRY.

CHRISTINA'S DEAD! RA LA DIDDLE DOO!

♪ YOU GOT TO WALK

♪ WALK

♪ WALK YOUR ASS DOWN THE RUNWAY, JETWAY ♪

♪ WALK, WALK

♪ MODELING IS AN UGLY BUSINESS... ♪

MICHAEL.

- MICHAEL! - [ sirens wailing ]

HEY, I GOT MY WINGS.

THEN FLY AWAY HOME. THE POLICE ARE COMING.

[ Rodney laughing ] HEY, HEY!

HEY!

DO YOU STILL WANT THAT MILKSHAKE?

OF COURSE. TO GO.

Man: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MEET AMERICA'S FUTURE.

THE CLUB KIDS. HERE THEY ARE.

- [ dance music playing ] - [ audience applauding ]

♪ YOU BETTER WORK, COVER-GIRL ♪

♪ WORK IT, GIRL, GIVE A TWIRL ♪

♪ DO YOUR THING ON THE RUNWAY ♪

♪ WORK, SUPERMODEL

♪ WORK IT, GIRL, AROUND THE WORLD ♪

♪ WET YOUR LIPS AND MAKE LOVE TO THE CAMERA ♪

♪ WORK, TURN TO THE LEFT

♪ WORK, NOW TURN TO THE RIGHT ♪

♪ WORK, SACHER CHANTER

♪ WORK, TURN TO THE LEFT

♪ WORK, NOW TURN TO THE RIGHT... ♪

WHO INVITED HIM?

- I DID. - WHATEVER FOR?

AND IT'S NOT EVEN OUR HALLOWEEN SHOW.

[ weak laughter ]

CLUB KIDS, SO WHAT DO YOU ACTUALLY DO?

WE DON'T DO, WE JUST ARE.

BUT WHAT ABOUT WORK?

IT TAKES A LOT OF WORK TO LOOK THAT RIDICULOUS.

WELL, MY WINGED VALKYRIE...

- HOW DO YOU SUPPORT YOURSELF? - WELL I--

CAN'T YOU GUESS? HE'S A DRUG DEALER.

- [ audience gasps ] - [ Michael laughs ]

- NO, BUT SERIOUSLY? - IT'S ALL JUST INNOCENT FUN.

THEY'RE NOT HURTING ANYONE.

LET THE CHILDREN PLAY.

WE'RE PARTYING WITH THE CLUB KIDS,

FAMOUS BECAUSE THEY'RE FABULOUS.

THAT'S SO COOL.

Man: AND WE'RE CLEAR.

- MICHAEL, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? - IN JAIL.

NO, MY BABY BEHIND BARS?

ME AND RODNEY HIJACKED AND CRASHED A CAB.

- ANGEL BAILED ME OUT. - ANGEL?

ACTUALLY, ANGEL BAILED YOU OUT.

ME?

YEAH, I TOLD THE POLICE I WAS YOU.

OH, JAMES, IT'S JUST ALL IN FUN.

AND AFTER I TOLD THEM THAT YOU HAD AIDS

THEY GAVE ME MY OWN ROOM WITH A VCR AND ICE CREAM.

[ laughing ]

MICHAEL, I DON'T EVEN LIKE YOU. I HAVE NEVER LIKED YOU.

Man: WE'RE BACK IN FIVE, FOUR,

- THREE. - [ theme music plays ]

SO, JUST WHAT IS A CLUB KID?

IT'S ALL ABOUT SELF-EXPRESSION.

IF YOU FEEL LIKE A TROLL, THEN YOU SHOULD LOOK LIKE A TROLL.

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE.

I MEAN, IF YOU HAVE A HUNCHBACK

JUST THROW A LITTLE GLITTER ON IT, HONEY, AND GO DANCING.

- AND YOU ARE? - HE'S A TROLL.

TROLL ST. TROLL.

I AM JAMES ST. JAMES, THE ORIGINAL.

THE ORIGINAL DRUG CHILD.

AS YOU CAN SEE, YEARS OF ABUSE

HAVE TAKEN ITS TOLL ON THE TROLL.

ALTHOUGH HE LOOKS MUCH OLDER,

HE JUST TURNED 30.

I AM 21

AND MICHAEL ALIG HAS STOLEN ALL OF MY IDEAS.

WHAT ABOUT THE FUTURE? CAN YOU REALLY BE A CLUB KID IN YOUR 50s?

ASK MY MOM.

WHY NOT?

MY SON IS A SUCCESS.

AND HE STARTED OUT SELLING CANDY

FROM A LITTLE SHOEBOX AT SCHOOL

AND NOW HE SENDS A STRETCH LIMOUSINE

FOR ME AT THE AIRPORT.

ISN'T IT TRUE, MA'AM, THAT YOUR SON MICHAEL

TURNED YOU ON TO THE PILL ECSTASY?

- [ audience murmuring ] - [ Michael chuckles ]

HE SAID IT WAS A HEADACHE PILL.

WHAT HAPPENED WHEN YOU TOOK IT?

MY HEADACHE WENT AWAY.

[ laughing ]

CLUB KIDS ARE CONDUCTING A NATIONWIDE TALENT SEARCH

STARTING IN DALLAS NEXT WEEK.

THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING HERE.

THESE ARE THE CLUB KIDS. GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

THANKS SO MUCH, MR. CHICKEN.

GREAT. THANK YOU, DEAR.

Great stuff. Really liked it.

[ TV turns off ]

I KNOW YOU DON'T LIKE THEM, BUT THE PLACE IS PACKED

ALMOST EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.

- THE KID IS DOING SOMETHING RIGHT. - MM-HMM.

AND THAT'S GOING TO DO US A LOT OF GOOD WHEN THE FEDS SHUT US DOWN.

- HOW COULD YOU DO THAT? - ANGEL, HAVE YOU GOT--

- MICHAEL, HOW COULD YOU DO THAT? - DO WHAT?

LIE ABOUT MY AGE TO THE ENTIRE UNITED STATES.

- ANGEL, I REALLY NEED-- - MICHAEL, IT'S TIME TO GO. I'VE GOT A DATE.

MOM, I CAN'T TAKE YOU TO THE AIRPORT.

- I'M SICK. - NO, YOU'RE SICK? WHAT'S--

OH, IT'S NOTHING. IT'S JUST HEROIN WITHDRAWAL.

MICHAEL.

MICHAEL!

THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

- MY FAULT? - ALL YOUR FAULT.

YOU-- YOU FEEDING MY CHILD DRUGS.

NO, DIDN'T YOU SEE...

COME ON, I'LL TAKE YOU TO PORT AUTHORITY.

I CAME IN A STRETCH LIMO.

I'M NOT LEAVING IN A BUS.

I KNOW.

IT'S A TRAGEDY.

PAY YOU TO FLY AROUND THE COUNTRY RECRUITING CLUB KIDS? NO.

- THINK OF THE PRESS. - THINK OF THE COST.

I BUY YOU AN APARTMENT, SET YOU UP WITH A MAGAZINE,

PAY ALL YOUR BILLS AND STILL YOU WANT MORE.

IT'S NEVER ENOUGH, IS IT?

IT'S A RECIPROCAL KIND OF RELATIONSHIP, YOU KNOW, PETER?

FATHER-SON KIND OF THING?

AND ANOTHER THING,

YOUR DRUG USE IS BECOMING INDISCRIMINATE.

I WON'T DO CRACK WITHOUT HEROIN.

COME HERE. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.

YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT THAT IS?

THEY'RE THE FEDS

AND THEY'RE WATCHING ME AROUND THE CLOCK.

THEY THINK I'M RUNNING SOME KIND OF DRUG SUPERMARKET.

OH, PETER, YOU'RE JUST PARANOID.

YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS?

YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO HAVE ANY FUN.

LOOK, I HAVE TO START PLAYING THE GAME.

IF I WANT TO HAVE FUN, MICHAEL,

I'D GO AWAY ON A LITTLE...

VACATION.

I'D BOOK A HOTEL ROOM

AND I'D DISAPPEAR FOR A FEW DAYS.

IN FACT,

I'M PLANNING A VACATION QUITE SOON.

COULD I HAVE A LITTLE MORE?

YOU KNOW, FOR EXPENSES.

[ dance music playing ]

GOD,

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE HERE IN DALLAS.

YOU LOOK JUST LIKE YOU DID ON TV.

THAT SHOW CHANGED MY LIFE.

THERE YOU WERE JUST UP ON THAT SCREEN

AND FAMOUS FOR NO REASON.

I THOUGHT, OH MY GOD, THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO DO.

I CRIED. GOD.

JUST WAIT TILL YOU TRY MY DRUG SALAD.

- WHERE'S KEOKI? - HE DIDN'T MAKE HIS CONNECTION.

SOMETHING HE'S BEEN DOING FOR SOME TIME NOW.

A LITTLE SOMETHING, GENTLEMEN?

[ chuckling ] NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL A GUARDIAN ANGEL.

STICK WITH ME, ANGEL. I'LL MAKE YOU A SUPERSTAR.

THANKS, SKROD.

THAT'S SKRINK-LA DOO TO YOU.

[ laughs ]

BROOKE, YOU SHOULD REALLY MOVE TO NEW YORK.

SHUT UP. NEW YORK?

OH HON, HE SAYS THAT TO EVERYONE.

SOME OF THEM ACTUALLY DO MOVE TO NEW YORK, THE POOR THINGS.

NO JOB, NOWHERE TO STAY.

IN THE TWINK OF AN EYE THEY ARE HOMELESS CRACK ADDICTS

PROSTITUTING THEMSELVES ON THE STREETS FOR A BUFFALO NICKEL.

DON'T LISTEN TO JAMES. HE'S SUFFERING FROM DEMENTIA.

DEMENTIA? I KNOW HER. SHE'S A DRAG QUEEN, RIGHT?

CAN MY FRIEND GITSIE COME TOO? HEY, GITSIE, COME OVER HERE.

COME HERE!

Brooklets: GITSIE, MICHAEL. MICHAEL, GITSIE.

- HI. - HI.

GITSIE, WHAT A GREAT NAME.

OF COURSE, YOU CAN BOTH COME.

AND YOU CAN BE MY NEW GIRLFRIEND.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST SAW YOU ON TV.

AND YOU CAN BOTH STAY WITH US.

James: MICHAEL, ISN'T IT GETTING A LITTLE CROWDED

IN HOUR HUMBLE ABODE? WHAT WITH FREEZ, ANGEL,

MOI, YOUR NAME?

- BROOKE. - BROOKE, AND THIS ONE?

OH, JAMES, IT'S NOT LIKE I SEE YOU PAYING ANY RENT.

RE-- I COOK, I CLEAN,

I TAKE CARE OF YOUR MOTHER.

SALAD IS SERVED.

FIVE MINUTES TO SHOW TIME.

Michael and James: SHOW TIME?

YOUR SHOW.

BUT WE DON'T HAVE A SHOW.

WE DON'T DO ANYTHING.

CURTAIN UP AT THE END OF THIS SONG.

Michael and James: SONG?

Announcer: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

MANHATTAN'S ONLY CLUB KIDS.

[ cheering ]

[ dance music playing ]

GREETINGS CITIZENS.

WE ARE LIVING IN THE AGE

IN WHICH THE PURSUIT OF ALL VALUES

OTHER THAN MONEY, SUCCESS,

FAME, GLAMOUR

HAS EITHER BEEN DISCREDITED OR DESTROYED.

MONEY, SUCCESS, FAME, GLAMOUR.

FOR WE ARE LIVING IN THE AGE OF THE THING.

MONEY, SUCCESS, FAME, GLAMOUR.

MONEY, SUCCESS, FAME, GLAMOUR.

[ all chanting ] MONEY, SUCCESS, FAME, GLAMOUR.

MONEY, SUCCESS, FAME, GLAMOUR.

MONEY.

BLOOD FEAST? LEGS CUT OFF?

MICHAEL, THIS IS SICK.

OF COURSE IT'S SICK. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE SICK.

NO!

BUT IT'S MY BIRTHDAY AND I WANT TO HAVE A BLOOD FEAST.

OVER MY DEAD BODY.

IF YOU WANT YOUR MORTGAGE PAID, YOU WILL CHECK YOURSELF INTO REHAB.

BUT I CAN'T AFFORD TO.

I SAID I WOULD PAY.

DOES SHE SPEAK?

ONLY WHEN HE WANTS ME TO.

MY KIND OF GIRL.

ALL RIGHT LOOK,

IF YOU GET YOURSELF INTO A REHAB

YOU CAN HAVE YOUR BLOOD FEAST

AS A GOING-AWAY PRESENT.

THANK YOU, PETER. I PROMISE.

OH, I'VE GOT SOMETHING FOR YOUR VACATION.

[ Gitsie giggling ]

TA-DAH!

BUGS. BUGS.

I KNOW THEY'RE HERE SOMEWHERE.

HE'S OUT THERE.

Peter: YOU THINK YOU'RE PETER PAN, MICHAEL.

BUT YOU'RE NOT.

I'M PETER.

AND I'M SITTING ON THE PAN.

[ laughing ]

[ snorting ]

Michael: I WAS JUST THINKING.

I WAS JUST THINKING HOW NICE IT WOULD BE TO BE IN CENTRAL PARK.

IN THE SUNSHINE.

MICHAEL!

YOU AND ME.

Peter: GITSIE!

- WITH AN ICE CREAM. - IT'S LONELY IN HERE.

I WANT MY MONEY, MICHAEL.

I FEEL SO GOOD RIGHT NOW.

Angel: MICHAEL, I WANT MY MONEY.

[ screaming ]

MICHAEL, WAKE UP! COME ON!

OH GOD.

[ screaming ]

[ heart monitor beeping ]

[ baby crying ]

James: ♪ SKRINK LA DA

♪ LA SKROD LA DOODLE DA

♪ LA SKRINK LA SKROD LA SKROD LA DOODLE SKRINK LA DA ♪

♪ SKRINK LA DOODLE DA SKROD. ♪

- I KNEW YOU'D COME. - BANANA? PEACH?

[ laughs ]

OH MY GOD! YOU'RE ALIVE!

IT WAS SO NICE BEING DEAD.

LOOK AT YOU IN THAT E.R. SHEET.

OH MY GOD. I JUST GOT A GREAT IDEA.

THE EMERGENCY ROOM.

WE'LL ALL GET DRESSED UP LIKE NURSES AND DOCTORS

AND GIVE OUT PRESCRIPTIONS FOR FREE DRUGS.

KEOKI WILL DJ AND YOU CAN BE--

YOU CAN BE A SERIAL KILLER NURSE WITH THE ENEMA.

MICHAEL, I CAN'T.

- CAN I BE A MENTAL PATIENT? - OF COURSE YOU CAN.

JAMES, DO YOU HAVE A BUMP OF K?

I'M REALLY TRYING TO GET MY ACT TOGETHER AND WRITE, MICHAEL.

A BUMP OF K'S GOING TO KILL ME NOW, IS IT?

[ laughs ]

COME ON, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

MICHAEL, YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE.

YOU'RE ATTACHED TO THINGS. MICHAEL!

COME ON, JAMES.

THE SHOW MUST GO ON.

[ techno music playing ]

♪ SHE DOESN'T GET ENOUGH

♪ SHE DOESN'T GET ENOUGH

♪ SHE DOESN'T GET ENOUGH

♪ SHE DOESN'T GET ENOUGH

♪ SHE DOESN'T GET ENOUGH

♪ SHE DOESN'T GET ENOUGH

♪ SHE DOESN'T GET ENOUGH

♪ SHE DOESN'T GET ENOUGH

♪ SHE DOESN'T GET ENOUGH

♪ SHE DOESN'T GET ENOUGH...

PARTY'S OVER.

AND YOU CAN'T WALK AROUND HERE NAKED ANYMORE.

I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU.

Michael: WHAT'S THIS?

- IT SAYS SEVERANCE PAY. - MM-HMM.

WHERE'S PETER?

I THINK HE'S DONE EVERYTHING HE CAN FOR YOU, MICHAEL.

HE'S NOT YOUR FATHER.

PETER STILL LOVES ME MORE THAN HE LOVES YOU.

I'M STILL FABULOUS.

WHEN I LOOK INTO YOUR EYES, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I SEE?

I SEE A POOR PATHETIC FRIGHTENED LITTLE BOY,

TOO SCARED TO FACE REALITY.

FABULOUS.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

WOW, MICHAEL, YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT.

NO THANKS, MAN.

WHY WON'T YOU COME HOME?

I MISS YOU.

I MISS YOU, TOO. I LOVE YOU, MICHAEL.

SO YOU'LL COME HOME?

THAT'D BE NICE BUT, YOU KNOW, MY SCHEDULE'S JUST CRAZY RIGHT NOW.

DAY AFTER TOMORROW I'M GOING TO ICELAND.

THEN IBIZA

AND THEN MALAYSIA.

I THINK I DROPPED A ROCK.

MICHAEL.

I DROPPED TWO ROCKS.

MIKE, MICHAEL.

I DROPPED A ROCK. LOOK ON THE FLOOR.

LOOK IN THE CARPET. FIND THE ROCK.

REMEMBER?

THERE, MICHAEL.

MICHAEL, CHECK BEHIND THE RADIATOR.

I THINK IT FELL BEHIND THE RADIATOR.

OW!

MICHAEL, LOOK.

YOU SEE THAT HOLE?

THERE'S A HOLE BACK THERE AND THERE'S SOMETHING IN THERE.

IF I CAN JUST REACH MY HAND.

- [ squeaking ] - OW! OW!

FUCK! FUCK!

FUCKING RAT!

I JUST GOT BIT BY A FUCKING RAT.

HUH.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

THAT'S NOT A CRACK HOLE. THAT'S A RAT HOLE.

- RAT'S ON CRACK ATTACK. - WHAT'S GOING ON?

OH, ANGEL.

WE DID ALL YOUR DRUGS AND WE NEED SOME MORE.

YOU DID WHAT?

WE DID ALL YOUR DRUGS AND WE NEED SOME MORE.

NOW.

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY FOR ALL OF THIS.

HOW ABOUT PAYING ME SOME RENT?

FOR WHAT? HUH?

FOR ALL THE FUCKING DRUGS YOU'VE DONE FOR FREE?

FORGET IT.

OH, I GET IT.

YOU'RE A NOBODY WHO I TURNED INTO A SOMEBODY.

BECAUSE OF ME PEOPLE KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

BECAUSE OF ME YOU GET TO GO ON TELEVISION.

BUT THAT ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU'RE ABOVE IT.

YOU AND YOUR TIRED OLD ANGEL WINGS.

DON'T START WITH ME, MICHAEL.

YOU'RE JUST SOME-- SOME LAME ASS

JOHNNY-COME-LATELY FAIRY FAGGOT COPYCAT.

YOU DON'T KNOW YOUR SKRINK FROM YOUR SKROD, YOU STUPID LAGER BLOGGER.

BUT STILL, NO HARD FEELINGS?

[ scoffs ]

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

FUCK! FUCK!

- FUCK! - [ Michael giggling ]

I DON'T MEAN TO BUTT IN HERE,

BUT WHAT IS BROOKE DOING IN MY BEDROOM?

- FUCK! - Brooke: MICHAEL!

WHAT IS JAMES DOING IN MY BEDROOM?

I'M SO OUT OF HERE.

WAIT, YOU CAN'T LEAVE.

YOU PROMISED. WE HAVE A PACT, REMEMBER?

[ door shuts ]

Man on TV: It's a quarter past 3:00.

In the local news at this hour,

police have raided and closed The Limelight nightclub

alleging it has become a drug den.

No arrests were made, but narcotics agents...

[ sirens wailing ]

[ ringing ]

[ phone ringing ]

MICHAEL.

MICHAEL.

I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME.

I CAME, DIDN'T I?

MICHAEL, I'M TAKING YOU TO REHAB NOW.

OH, MICHAEL.

OUR CAT IS DEAD.

[ sobbing ]

Angel: MICHAEL!

WHERE'S MY FUCKING MONEY?

YOU BETTER GIVE ME MY FUCKING MONEY, MICHAEL.

'CAUSE I KNOW A LOT OF SHIT

THE COPS WOULD BE INTERESTED IN RIGHT NOW.

BYE BYE, PETER GATIEN.

YOU FUCKING BASTARD SPIC!

I DIDN'T MEAN TO.

HE BROKE MY TEAPOT. MY FAVORITE TEAPOT.

IT WAS SELF-DEFENSE.

JAMES?

[ techno music playing ]

Michael: JAMES?

Michael: JAMES!

GODDAMN IT, WHY DOES EVERYONE GOT TO DIE ON ME?

[ muffled voices ]

[ gasps ]

[ heart monitor beeping ]

LET ME BE THE FIRST TO CONGRATULATE YOU ON YOUR FIRST OVERDOSE.

LET ME BE THE FIRST TO CONGRATULATE YOU. THAT WAS GENIUS.

ONLY YOU COULD DREAM UP SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

- DREAM UP WHAT? - LAST NIGHT'S PARTY.

IT WAS BETTER THAN A 10-INCH DICK AND YOU KNOW IT.

WHEN ANGEL WAS LOWERED FROM THE CEILING, BOY OH BOY.

AND TO THINK I BELIEVED YOU ACTUALLY KILLED HIM.

I SWALLOWED IT HOOK, LINE AND SINKER, BUT I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN YOU COULD NEVER KILL ANYONE.

JAMES, YOU'RE DELIRIOUS.

HERE, LISTEN TO THIS.

MICHAEL MUSTO'S COLUMN.

"NIGHTCLUBBING" MR. MESS...

WAS FIGHTING MR. DEALER ABOUT MONEY HE WAS OWED.

MR. DEALER WAS CHOKING MR. MESS

JUST AS MR. MESS #2 CAME IN

AND HIT MR. DEALER OVER THE HEAD WITH A HAMMER."

FABULOUS, YOU EVEN SUCKERED THE PRESS. IT'S GENIUS.

JAMES, WOULD I LIE TO YOU?

YES, ALL THE TIME.

WELL, NOT THIS TIME.

DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW I GOT RID OF THE BODY?

OKAY, MR. PSYCHO KILLER, I'LL PLAY ALONG.

SNUGGLE UP.

Michael: DAYS PASSED.

WE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

SHUT UP. WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

PLUMBING'S FUCKED.

Michael: AFTER ABOUT A WEEK OR SO

THE SMELL GOT SO BAD I SAID TO FREEZ...

WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS TERRIBLE MESS.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

BUT FREEZ ISN'T VERY GOOD IN THE DEAD BODY DISPOSAL DEPARTMENT, NO SIREE.

SO I SENT HIM TO MACY'S KITCHENWARE TO BUY SOME KNIVES

AND A TV BECAUSE WE NEEDED A BIG BOX.

I DID SO MUCH HEROIN THAT DAY, I HOPED IT WOULD KILL ME.

BUT IT WAS EASY.

THE MEAT JUST FELL AWAY

AND THE BONES JUST SNAPPED.

WE PUT IT ALL INTO A BOX IN THE LIVING ROOM.

AND AFTER A FEW MORE DAYS

WE THREW IT INTO THE RIVER

AND IT FLOATED AWAY.

IT WASN'T LIKE HE WAS ALIVE OR ANYTHING.

HE WAS TOTALLY DEAD.

JAMES?

SAY SOMETHING.

MICHAEL, YOU HAVE TO TURN YOURSELF IN.

MICHAEL, WE HAVE TO GO.

- WHAT'S SHE DOING HERE? - DON'T BE JEALOUS.

WE'RE GOING TO REHAB RIGHT NOW.

IT'S GOING TO BE LIKE A HONEYMOON.

WE'LL START ALL OVER AGAIN.

NO DRUGS.

NOTHING.

WE'RE GOING TO DRIVE CROSS COUNTRY,

SLEEP UNDER THE STARS,

SWIM IN THE COOL CRYSTAL WATERFALLS.

JUST YOU AND ME.

AND YOU'LL GET BETTER.

AND EVERYTHING WILL ALL GET BETTER.

HOW BUCOLIC.

MICHAEL.

I CAN'T PEE.

COME IN HERE.

IT'S NICE AND WARM.

OH, GITSIE.

EVERYTHING'S SUCH A MESS.

DON'T WORRY, MICHAEL.

PROMISE ME YOU'LL NEVER LEAVE ME.

I PROMISE.

[ whispering ] YOU PROMISE.

I LOVE YOU.

SKROD LA DA.

I CAN PEE AGAIN.

ME TOO.

[ shrieks ]

[ knocking ]

Man: HOUSEKEEPING. YOU NEED A TURN-DOWN SERVICE?

GO AWAY! WE DON'T NEED ANY MORE TOWELS.

[ door crashing open ]

- NO! WHAT THE-- - SHH, SHH.

I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO IT.

HEY, HEY! JUST KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT, KIDDO. DO YOURSELF A BIG FAVOR.

NO! FUCKERS!

Man: LIKE "STAR WARS," MIKE.

YOU'RE LUKE, A FORCE FOR THE GOOD.

BUT SOMEHOW YOU HAVE BEEN CORRUPTED

BY A DARK POWERFUL FORCE.

PETER GATIEN.

WE NEED YOU TO HELP US OVERTHROW THE EVIL EMPEROR, YOU SEE?

BUT HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.

WHAT ABOUT THE DRUGS AT THE CLUBS?

THE EMERGENCY ROOM AND THE PRIVATE PARTIES AT HOTELS?

LISTEN, MICHAEL, YOU HELP US

AND WE CAN TAKE CARE OF YOUR LITTLE...

MISHAP.

- BUT IT WAS-- - WHAT, SELF-DEFENSE?

WE COULD BE LOOKING AT MURDER IN THE FIRST DEGREE, PAL.

Man #2: NOW YOU THINK ABOUT THE BIG THINGS.

WE CAN MAKE SURE THAT THE LITTLE THINGS

TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES.

[ knocking ]

Michael: SKROD LA DA DA.

[ doorbell buzzing ]

WANT TO BUY A CLOCK?

MICHAEL, I--

I THOUGHT YOU'D BEEN ARRESTED.

YOU WISH.

I NEED MONEY.

WELL, MICHAEL, I'M BROKE.

AND I'VE GOT A STOMACH-ACHE.

WHAT'S THIS? IS THIS YOUR MANUSCRIPT?

- NO, MICHAEL, DON'T-- - THERE'S NOTHING HERE.

OH, JAMES, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO DO BETTER THAN THAT.

[ doorbell buzzes ]

OH, THAT'LL BE BILL AND BEN.

I MADE A DEAL.

I'M HELPING THE POLICE WITH THEIR INQUIRES.

ABOUT THE MURDER?

NO, SILLY, THE DRUG INVESTIGATION.

IT'S FUN. BILL AND BEN DON'T CARE ABOUT THE MURDER.

THEY'RE GOING TO GIVE ME ANONYMITY.

- IMMUNITY. - WHATEVER.

YOU KNOW, MICHAEL,

IF IT REALLY WAS SELF-DEFENSE THEN...

YOU'VE GOT NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. YOU CAN--

YOU SHOULD JUST TURN YOURSELF IN.

[ doorbell buzzing ]

OH, I'VE GOT TO GO.

MICHAEL, PETER WAS LIKE A FATHER TO YOU.

HE GAVE YOU EVERYTHING. HOW CAN YOU JUST RAT HIM OUT?

OH, JAMES, I'M GETTING AWAY WITH MURDER AND YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS.

[ thunder cracking ]

- HELLO. - HI.

REMEMBER ME?

NO.

REMEMBER CLARA THE CHICKEN?

ICY THE BEAR?

AND TIRESIAS THE RAT?

NO, I DON'T REMEMBER YOU AT ALL.

YOU REALLY SHOULD STAY OFF THE K.

ANYWAY, I WAS THERE. I SAW IT ALL.

- LOOK. - [ TV turns on ]

REMEMBER THAT CHRISTMAS WHEN FREEZ GOT BITTEN?

[ laughing ] THAT WAS ME.

JUST A PLAYFUL LITTLE NIP. NOW WATCH.

FAST FORWARD A LITTLE BIT.

SEE, THAT'S ANGEL'S ROOM.

LOOK OVER THERE IN THE CLOSET.

THAT'S ANGEL'S STASH.

AND LOOK WHAT WE GOT HERE.

GUESS WHO'S COMING TO DINNER?

THAT'S MICHAEL.

Rat: MM-HMM. NOW WATCH.

I'LL FAST FORWARD A LITTLE BIT.

YOU FUCKING BASTARD SPIC!

[ crashing ]

[ cracking ]

Rat: NOW HERE'S WHERE IT GETS DISTURBING.

[ pager beeping ]

ALL RIGHT, SO SEE, HE'S NOT DEAD YET.

HE'S NOT DEAD YET, JIMMY, 'CAUSE THEY'RE NOT DONE.

FIRST THEY STRIP HIM NAKED.

AND THEN THE OLD PILLOW TRICK.

AND THEN, THE PIECE DE RESISTANCE,

A DRANO INJECTION.

THAT STUFF IS USED TO UNCLOG PIPES, JIMMY,

NOT VEINS.

STOP IT! STOP IT!

[ gasping ]

Man: SO, THIS RAT,

IT'S SITTING ON YOUR SOFA

- AND WHAT EXACTLY-- - [ phone ringing ]

EXCUSE ME.

- HELLO? - Michael: Skrink!

SKROD!

I'M JUST IN THE MIDDLE OF A TELEVISION INTERVIEW.

- About what? - MY NOVEL.

PUBLISHED TODAY.

IT'S CALLED "DISCO BLOODBATH" AND IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU.

OH, JAMES, HOW TYPICAL.

GO AND COMMIT YOUR OWN MURDER.

I WAS JUST TELLING THE STORY OF HOW I GOT YOU ARRESTED.

WHAT?

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D DO THAT.

WELL, YOU GAVE ME NO CHOICE.

- BUT I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND. - ISN'T THAT WHAT BEST FRIENDS ARE FOR?

JAMES CLARK, I COULD KILL YOU.

[ laughing ]

You know,

PRISON ISN'T ALL THAT DIFFERENT FROM A NIGHTCLUB.

EVERYTHING'S FOR FREE

AND I DON'T HAVE TO GET OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING.

AND I CAN GET ALL THE DRUGS AND SEX I WANT.

AND AFTER GITSIE AND I GET MARRIED

WE CAN HAVE CONJUGAL VISITS.

OH, MICHAEL, I'M SO SORRY.

- Now what? - YOU DIDN'T HEAR?

GITSIE'S DEAD.

An overdose.

YOU SAVED MY LIFE, YOU KNOW.

THANK YOU.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to hang up now.

WHY?

BECAUSE YOU'RE TRYING TO TURN THIS INTO AN AFTER SCHOOL SPECIAL.

BECAUSE YOU WANT TO GET THE LAST WORD AND YOU WANT THIS TO END

WITH EVERYONE LIKING YOU AND IT'S MY MOVIE.

I CAN'T LET IT END THAT WAY.

YOU ALWAYS KEPT OUR PACT.

This is where I need to be.

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO, AND IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK.

GOODBYE, MICHAEL ALIG.

[ dial tone ]

Man: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU STILL TALK TO HIM.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU HEARD OF A PEA CHANGING ITS POD?

WELL, AT LEAST HE GAVE ME SOMETHING TO WRITE ABOUT.

CURED MY WRITER'S BLOCK.

♪ THE VOICE INSIDE MY HEAD SAID ♪

♪ TAKE IT SLOW

♪ TEMPTATION'S GOT AHOLD OF ME ♪

♪ AND I HEAR THEM SAY

♪ OH, EVERYTHING GOOD IS BAD ♪

♪ EVERYTHING BAD IS GOOD

♪ OH, EVERYTHING GOOD IS BAD ♪

♪ AND EVERYTHING BAD IS GOOD

♪ EVERYTHING GOOD IS BAD ♪

♪ EVERYTHING BAD IS GOOD

♪ EVERYTHING GOOD IS BAD ♪

♪ EVERYTHING BAD IS GOOD

♪ EVERYTHING GOOD IS BAD ♪

♪ EVERYTHING BAD IS GOOD. ♪

♪ SAILING THROUGH THE TOWN

♪ IN THE MORNING BY YOURSELF

♪ THERE'S A VERY SPECIAL FEELING ♪

♪ A TRUE SENSATION ALL IS WELL ♪

♪ IF YOU STAND AND RAISE YOUR ARMS OUT WIDE ♪

♪ CLOSE YOUR EYES AND TRY TO FLY ♪

♪ IT'S AN UNDERGROUND ILLUSION ♪

♪ TRICKING YOU FROM SIDE TO SIDE ♪

♪ WE KNEW ALL THE ANSWERS

♪ AND WE SHOUTED THEM LIKE ANTHEMS ♪

♪ ANXIOUS AND SUSPICIOUS

♪ BET GOD KNEW HOW MUCH WE CHEATED ♪

♪ IT CAN'T COME QUICKLY ENOUGH ♪

♪ NOW YOU SPEND YOUR LIFE

♪ WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT

♪ WHEN YOU FIND IT

♪ IT'S ALREADY COME AND PASSED YOU BY ♪

♪ AND LEFT YOU SO DEFEATED

♪ IT CAN'T COME QUICKLY ENOUGH ♪

♪ NOW YOU SPEND YOUR LIFE

♪ WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT

♪ WHEN YOU FIND IT

♪ IT'S ALREADY COME AND PASSED YOU BY ♪

♪ AND LEFT YOU SO DEFEATED

♪ SKYSCRAPERS RISE BETWEEN US ♪

♪ KEEPING ME FROM FINDING YOU ♪

♪ IF THE CONCRETE ARCHITECTURE ♪

♪ DISAPPEARED THERE'D BE SO FEW ♪

♪ OF US LEFT TO NAVIGATE

♪ AND DEFEND OURSELVES FROM THE TIDE ♪

♪ IT'S AN UNDERGROUND ILLUSION ♪

♪ TRICKING YOU FROM SIDE TO SIDE ♪

♪ THERE'S NO INDICATION

♪ OF WHAT WE WERE MEANT TO BE ♪

♪ SUCKING UP TO STRANGERS

♪ THROWING WISHES TO THE SEA ♪

♪ IT CAN'T COME QUICKLY ENOUGH ♪

♪ NOW YOU SPEND YOUR LIFE

♪ WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT

♪ WHEN YOU FIND IT

♪ IT'S ALREADY COME AND PASSED YOU BY ♪

♪ AND LEFT YOU SO DEFEATED

♪ IT CAN'T COME QUICKLY ENOUGH ♪

♪ NOW YOU SPEND YOUR LIFE

♪ WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT

♪ WHEN YOU FIND IT

♪ IT'S ALREADY COME AND PASSED YOU BY ♪

♪ AND LEFT YOU SO DEFEATED.